dogs | Zikoko!

If You’re Not Ready to Do These Things, Don’t Get a Dog

If you’re not a wicked person, you’ve probably considered getting a dog. I didn’t say pet o. Dog. Those animals are so adorable, loyal and harmless, everyone should have one. Yes, they’re harmless. If a dog has ever attacked you, it’s because you went somewhere to steal, full stop.

But if you do own a dog, you should take care of it like it’s your child. No, seriously, the vet will register it with your surname. My first dog ever, a beautiful purebred German Shepherd, was named Rocket Odunlami.

Now, I need a break to cry about losing Rocket after she had her babies. It’s been 12 years, and I still haven’t recovered.

If you have a dog, or are thinking about getting one, these are the things you absolutely must do to be a responsible owner.

Research

You can’t just wake up and walk into a store to buy a dog. Is everything okay at home? (I mean this both literally and as an insult). You need to know if it’s the right time for you to get a dog. Are your finances stable, or are you still fighting sapa? Maintaining dogs is expensive o.

Also, what breed are you getting? Some breeds need space to run around, and you want to get one in your Lagos apartment where two people can’t lie down at the same time? Please, come off it.

Feed your dog well

“A healthy dog is a happy dawg”, or whatever Wole Soyinka said. Why is your dog’s main source of feeding leftovers from parties? Is that what you eat? Can you give your child leftovers to eat?

I cannot lie, this tweet made me laugh. But no, garri is not dog food.

Na Everybody dey see Shege, if you like blind pic.twitter.com/bAPvVghlBI
— Cōđē Not Red (@Code_Rred) September 16, 2022

Asides From Dog Food, Here Are Other Things You Can Feed Your Dog

Register your dog at a vet

You, you have HMO, but you don’t want to register your dog at a vet. Does that make sense? Don’t you know your dog can fall sick? Or that it needs regular checkups, vaccinations and vitamins? Let’s be responsible going forward, please.

Train your dog

Train a dog in the way it should go. You don’t even have to teach it tricks. Just regular communication training is very important for your relationship with your dog.

Also read: 16 Hilarious Dog Memes You’ll Completely Relate To

Also, potty train your dog

Especially if you live in a shared space. You need to train your dog to know where to use the bathroom. Imagine your neighbour has a bad day, and as they walk inside the compound, they step on dog shit. They should fight you, for real. Oh, and if your dog poops somewhere it’s not meant to, pick up after it.

Groom your dog

This involves regular baths, clipping nails, brushing teeth and cutting hair. Don’t let your dog turn to Ojuju Calabar before your own eyes, please.

Don’t let it harm people

Protect your dog and people around you by avoiding situations where your dog attacks innocent people. Use a harness and be observant. Imagine you’re going on a walk with your partner and a random dog attacks you guys. You go like am?

Love your dog

Dogs need care and attention. You need to spend time with them, taking care of them. Let them socialise and make other dog friends too.

Don’t bring harm to your dog

Don’t beat or maltreat your dog. Don’t abandon them. Don’t put them in tiny cages. Just don’t be a dick, okay?

Lastly, give your dog a Nigerian name

We can’t still be naming our dogs Jack or Jill. It’s giving neocolonialism. What happened to Odinaka? Or the Igbo name, Maximum Protection.

In a rather surprising turn of events, I just found out that my mother's dog named "Max" is actually not Maxwell.

The dog's name, according to my mother, is "Maximum Protection."

"Max" for short.
— Olakunle Ologunro (@KunleOlogunro) March 28, 2022

You’ll also like: 7 Things No One Tells You About Owning a Dog

David Odunlami

September 17, 2022

Inside Life

dogs
How to Train Your Local Nigerian Dog

Dogs are man’s best friend, they say. But I’m completely sure that it’s much easier to be best friends with a dog that listens to you and has sense.

When you think of sensible dogs, what comes to mind may be German shepherds, poodles, chihuahuas or Lhasa breeds, but what about our local Nigerian dog breeds, the Ekuke and the Bingo?

They may not be the best guard dogs, but no be person born dem?

Let’s teach you how to train your local Nigerian dog so it’ll have sense:

Put on your best Sola Sobowale impression

A calm tone may work with German shepherds, but your local dog will do its best to disgrace you. Better shout out the commands if you want them to pay attention.

Feed it eba

You know how professionals include food treats in dog obedience training, right? When you’re teaching your Ekuke or Bingo to sit, make sure to feed it eba too, for motivation. That’s their own treat. That way, it’ll learn how to sit and also have the strength to defend you at night. Win-win.

RELATED: Asides From Dog Food, Here Are Other Things You Can Feed Your Dog

Give it a name like “Agumba”

Local dogs are typically friendly — sometimes too friendly — and can follow any stranger home if they offer your dog a treat. You don’t want that, so throw away ajebo names like “Snowy” and give it fear-inducing names like “Agumba” so that it’ll sit up and stay focused.

Teach the dog your Nigerian language

Sure, “Sit!” is fine, but imagine if you teach your dog Yoruba or Igbo, you can get the dog to bark at intruders in your native language to confuse them.

Take it outside

Don’t say it’s because we said, “All dogs matter,” that you let your Nigerian dog spend all day on your bed. If you don’t want your dog to design your house with poo, take it outside at scheduled times, so it can learn to control its bladder.

Don’t do all that “dog toys and blankets” nonsense

Are you raising an ajebo or a potential protector? Also, why would a dog named Agumba play with dog toys and blankets?

ALSO READ: Dog Owners Need to Stop Doing These Annoying Things

Teach them not to chase people

Remember all that shouting and feeding them eba? Use those strategies to teach your dog impulse control so it can focus on you and resist the urge to chase your neighbour’s children.

Give it freedom… and hope it returns

Your Nigerian dog needs to interact with the environment, so they’re not excessively aggressive when they meet new people. Just make sure it moves around within a safe environment and is vaccinated unless you’ll spend all your money treating its poor victims.

RECOMMENDED: Goats Are Better Pets Than Dogs or Cats. We Can Explain

Tife Oni

July 13, 2022

Inside Life

bingo, dogs, ekuke, Funny, Nigerian dogs
Dog Owners Need to Stop Doing These Annoying Things

Dog owners can be really cute when it comes to their dogs, but they can also be really annoying. There are some irritating things that they do that will make you question if they should have dogs in the first place. I’m sure you’ll agree with me on the seven things I’ve listed below that dog owners need to stop doing.

Saying, “They’re well trained. they won’t bite”

First of all, just because a dog is well trained, doesn’t mean it won’t bite. Dogs bite for various reasons, including being scared, provoked, or just being protective of their owners. Given the right conditions, any dog can bite. I’m not really interested in the kind of training your dog got. Whether they went to the Havard School of dog training is not my business. Please hold your dog well and let me pass.

Using their dog to taunt you

Not all dog owners do this. But there are quite a number of them that like to taunt people, especially their friends, with their fear of dogs. They’ll have a friend over and play silly pranks like releasing their dog and allowing the dog to go after them. And while they can hear their friend screaming in fear, they’ll stand there laughing. Try this with me and that’s where the friendship ends.

RELATED: 7 Things No One Tells You About Owning a Dog

Saying, “They’re more afraid of you than you are of them”

Did the dog tell them that? How do they know? Okay, even if they are, how does that stop them from biting me or attacking me? There’s a big ass rottweiler growling and foaming at the mouth, and you tell me he’s more afraid of me than I am of him?

Not locking up their dog when someone comes over

Hear me out. I’m not saying they should lock up their dog the whole time they have someone over. But if the person coming over to their house is afraid of dogs, at least lock the dog up so the person can feel comfortable. Instead, dog owners will stand in front of the dog and tell you to pass, talmabout, “The dog won’t do anything.” Meanwhile, the dog is making direct eye contact with you and daring you to pass.

RELATED: Goats Are Better Pets Than Dogs or Cats. We Can Explain

Letting their dog run free on the streets.

I can’t remember the number of times I walked home from somewhere and saw a dog strutting down the street with its owner very far behind. The thought that always runs through my head at that point is, “If this dog decides to attack me, what will the owner do from all the way over there?”

Bringing their dog over without asking first

Why do some dog owners feel that they can do anyhow? It’s as if they feel everyone likes dogs, so they can take their dogs anywhere. If you’re going to bring your dog along to someone’s house, at least call ahead to ask if it’s okay. Especially when there may be other people in the house. I’m begging you.

Trying to make you play with their dog

The phrase they always say is, “You can play with them; they’re friendly.” But just because the dog is friendly with you and some other people, doesn’t mean it’ll be friendly with me. Also, what if the dog isn’t in a friendly mood and that’s when you’re asking me to play with it? Please take my no as no, I don’t want to play with your dog. Thanks and God bless.

ALSO READ: 12 Pictures You’ll Understand If You’ve Ever Visited A Nigerian With A Dog

Dammy Eneli

April 21, 2022

Inside Life

dogs, Inside life, Nigerian dogs
8 Reasons Why Nigerian Dogs Should Pay Tax

Sometimes it feels like there are more dogs than humans in Nigeria, so they should be required to pay tax. If you need to be convinced, here are eight reasons why.

1) They are constantly roaming the streets

The streets of Nigeria were made with taxpayers money. So, why are freeloaders using it more than the people that paid for it? Sometimes, they’d even chase taxpayers off of the streets. This is unacceptable. If they want equal access to the roads, they should open their doggy wallets.

How tax collectors should pull up to those dogs

2) Destruction of property

Dogs need to stop getting away with chewing up shoes and knocking things over. The time has come for them to learn about the consequences of their actions. The owners should not pay so the dogs can learn to be responsible. This is why I propose a new government body called Dog Income Collection Service. Puppy dog eyes won’t work for the law.

3) Feeding

Manna will not always fall from heaven, and these creatures need to realise that. If they want to continue enjoying food to their hearts content, they need to open their purses.

4) Every Nigerian must pay tax

These dogs are basically Nigerian citizens at this point. Either by birth, naturalization, etc. The time how now come for them to perform their basic civic duty. Citizenship is not free.

5) Retirement homes

If they do not pay tax, how do they plan on retiring? The tax can also serve as a retirement fund for when they just can’t be as agile as they used to be.

This kind of life is not cheap

6) Healthcare

Any small thing, they need to go to the vet. Since vets are so expensive, imagine if dogs paid their own way? you know how expensive vets are? Imagine if dogs paid tax and healthcare was covered by the government? #freeuniversalhealthcareforall

7) Tough times are lasting

Nigeria is broke. It is time for man’s best friend to give back to man. We’ve been there for them, they need to be here for us.

8) They are wealthy

Since the plan is to tax the wealthy, that should also include dogs and their endless generational wealth. If you didn’t know dogs are wealthy, ask yourself, what are they always hiding/burying? It’s funds.

I hope with these few points of mine, I’ve been able to convince you and not confuse you that Nigerian dogs need to be taxed

For more on what’s inside this life, click here

Itohan Esekheigbe

April 20, 2021

Inside Life

dogs, Nigeria, pets, Tax
6 Animals That Taste Differently When Cooked

Animals are important to Nigerians in their food. Major source of protein and a nice way to garnish food. That’s why they keep going out of their way to try new animals. If you cook any of these six animals, you’re guaranteed to taste something different, unexpected.

1. Turtles

The person who ate this said that it tastes just like chicken. But he boiled it, I think, while Ayo The Creator’s own is grilled. If it tastes like chicken, does it mean if you grill it, it tastes like grilled chicken and if you fry it, tastes liek fried chicken? And really, if you want chicken, why not just eat chicken?

2. Snakes

This straight up tastes like fish. I heard this from my friends who have eaten it. And when I was in secondary school, a girl brought it as part of her food, cooked with rice and egusi soup. Egusi soup makes things better, apparently.

3. Crocodiles

Ayo The Creator posted a mukbang video where he dismantled this animal with a friend and I can’t stop thinking about it. From what I’ve seen, the meat is tender, almost like chicken, not as tough as what you might expect.

4. Camels

I know people eat and enjoy this. It’s just not my cup of tea. Someone reviewed it by saying it tastes like chewing gum. If you want to be wowed, google camel stew.

5. Cats

Apparently, cat meat is a big deal in Vietnam and some parts of Africa too. The animal is shaved and burned to remove all fur before being cut up and fried with garlic. It is referred to as “little tiger.” Some Nigerians claim it tastes like chicken.

6. Dogs

The advice from someone has eaten this before is to, “try cooking dog meat with our local dry gin (ogogoro).” According to this person, this is when you’ll know what you are missing. “Plese don’t put water, just the gin and enough scent leaves. Now serve it with sweet palm wine. Oh my my my.”

Who’s willing to try?

Don’t go yet. We have something else that will blow your mind:

8 Unbelievable Things Nigerians Actually Eat

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Kunle Ologunro

November 6, 2020

Chopist

camel, cats, crocodile, dogs, snakes, turtles