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  • Do These Six Things if You Ever Burn Plantain

    You’ve got the perfect plantain (not unripe or overripe). It’s sizzling nicely in hot oil. But you looked away for a second to scroll through Twitter, and golden brown has turned to devil’s charcoal.

    With friends and family patiently waiting in your living room to feast, what do you do?

    PAY ATTENTION FIRST: The hot babes will eat (and shake their booty) good at HERtitude 2023. Grab your tickets here to join them.

    Photo: Instagram (@playfoodbyyinka)

    Protect the crime scene

    You’ve messed up the easiest meal to make, and trust me, witnesses will use it against you. Lock that kitchen door until you somehow redeem the dodo. 

    Change the name to “charred plantain”

    As the Sodiq Ologbon that you are, erase “burnt” from your vocabulary. Tell everybody that what you have on the menu is “charred plantain”.

    Flip the switch

    Chances are since you fried the plantain, you’re most likely going to serve it. Deception is key here. Plate your dodo so that only the good sides face up. If there are no good sides, refer to the next point.

    Tell them you’re making gizdodo

    Photo: Instagram (@playfoobyyinka)

    Throw in some gizzard, pepper, maggi and salt, and all will be well again. Tell the people eating to expect a hint of bittersweet notes.

    We hear gizdodo will be on the menu at HERtitude2023. Join the hottest babes for the hottest women-only party EVER, on May 27 in Lagos. Grab your tickets here.

    Become Dr Meredith Grey for dodo

    No, I mean it. Grab a fresh pack of razor blades, cut out the burnt parts, and fry the plantain again.

    Stall until everyone is famished

    People rarely pay attention to the taste of food when hunger strikes. Hold on to that burnt dodo until it’s the only thing they want.

    If all this fails, just RUN.

    Adeyinka Odutuyo

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  • “I Feel Seen Because of You” – Love Letter From Gizzard to Dodo

     In the spirit of valentine,  we decided to give four foods the chance to write love letters to who they care about. This is Love Letters to Food

    Dear Dodo, 

    I’m thinking about the first time we met as I write this letter. It was the day my life changed.

    Before you, very few people liked me. Anytime they heard gizzard, they acted like someone just gave them semo. I was always picked last from a pot of stew, and if I was mistakenly served on a plate, I had to deal with the fear of being pushed aside and ignored. Do you know what it feels like to always expect rejection? Semo does, and only semo should. I was really going through it, and I felt so alone. Then you came into my life. 

    From the moment we started dating, we were the power couple. Everyone wanted us around; we got invited to so many events and served to all kinds of people. 

    Now, I’m in places I never would’ve dreamt of. I even get treated more special than small chops, and it’s all because of you. You’re a blessing to not just me but to everyone around you. Your friends — beans, egg and jollof rice — can testify to how much of a blessing you are. 

    The more they cook and serve us together, the more I fall in love with you. Every moment we spend together is magical. Whether we’re served at a wedding, a 70th birthday, a  bridal shower or even a burial, whether we’re alone or served with our friends, as long as I’m with you, that’s all that matters.  

    In this month of love, I want to say thank you for creating magic with me and making us Gizdodo. It’s so crazy how, despite our opposite textures, we work so well together. We were meant for each other. The only time we fight is when people leave us out to spoil, and that’s because we’re both fighting for our lives. But that rarely even happens. 

    You’re an incredible partner and soulmate, and I love you more than I can ever express. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you on different plates at more events. I love you from one owambe to the other.

    Dammy Eneli

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  • If You Don’t Like Any of These 10 Foods, You’re Bad Vibes

    Every day, people just wake up and expose their lack of taste to the whole world unprovoked by slandering great-tasting, perfectly fine food. Today, I’m taking a stand: I’m here to tell you that if you don’t like any of these ten foods, we need to question your taste buds.

    Oats

    If you don’t like oats, you simply lack imagination. Oats are such bad bitches that you can do so much with them. You can make oatmeal and throw in nuts, seeds or even fruits. You can make oat cookies. You can even blend oats to make smoothies with bananas, peanut butter, and milk, or add oats to yogurt to taste the good side of life. Enjoyment!

    Avocado

    Maybe avocado slander was once cool, but now it’s just forced, please. There are so many ways to enjoy avocado: on its own, with bread, in dips like guacamole, etc. It’s so multi-talented that it’s great for your belly, your hair and your skin. Never take food suggestions from anyone that doesn’t like avocado.

    Greek Yoghurt

    Thicker and creamier than regular yogurt and slaps your mouth even harder than agbalumo. If Yoruba Demon were to be a snack!

    Pap

    I can draw a straight line from people who dislike pap to people who don’t know how to prepare it.  

    Golden Morn

    The closest meal to Cerelac that we had back in the day when life was easier and we had no worries. How can you hate nostalgia?

    Amala

    I’m saying this as someone who once hated amala. I now realized that I only disliked it because I was eating it with abula (ew, because what is beans doing with swallow?). Amala with good old ewedu and that pepper stew is life. You need to open your mind. 

    Dodo

    Why? How can you even hate the king of sides? 

    Wheat Bread

    See, this is the only food on this list I can entertain skepticism about. I too have mixed feelings because very many bakeries get it wrong. It’s kind of like agbalumo — you need luck to find a good one. And once you find it, never let that brand go. Wheat bread typically takes some getting used to, but once you do, you’re in for the good life.

    Zobo

    Zobo saved our lives back in university — along with egg rolls. But now you people graduated and you think you’ve outgrown Zobo? Smh. 

    Boiled yam

    People who slander boiled yam stress me out. How can you boldly proclaim to the world that you don’t have taste? Please, check out these 10 things you can do with yam and uplift your taste buds please.

    Ama Udofa

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  • What’s The Best Way To Eat Plantain? We Ranked Them All

    Plantain is a very versatile dish. It can be fried, boiled, roasted, and made into small balls of enjoyment for the small chops package. But of all these variants, what’s the best way to eat plantain? We will tell you.

    7. Boiled plantain.

    Plantain is tasty, but this is the least appealing way to eat it. I know some people put it in pepper soup and all, but even then, it doesn’t bang as such. Sorry to people who enjoy it this way. Fix up.

    6. Plantain Mosa

    Honestly, we should be grateful for small chops that made this variant of plantain to shine. We honestly didn’t know her from anywhere. It’s good enough, but not that spectacular. It could go out of existence and I’ll be fine. I know there are others who feel this way too.

    5. Plantain chips

    Yes. Plantain chips slap really hard. Has to be one of the best inventions from plantain, if we are being honest. But it’s still a five for me. It’s good, but could be wayyy better. Also, soft and chewy plantain chips is greater than ikpekere. Let’s not argue that fact please.

    4. Plantain frittata

    Putting this here feels like a cheat because frittata has a lot going for it if we’re being honest. But then again, the additional stuff is why it is top tier and belongs in number 4. It’s filling and that’s enough compensation. But it’s really just technical to make.

    3. Dodo Ikire

    This is a bad b*tch that doesn’t get all the credit it deserves. Dodo Ikire is so unique and far off from all the other variants of plantain on this list. From the look alone, you know you’re in for a treat. And the taste? Unforgettable. Completely unforgettable.

    2. Fried plantain

    You know the vibes. This is a good spot and please let’s not even try to move this good sis to number 1. Her spot as second is a good one. Also hate to say it, but I think fried plantain can easily tire you if you decide to eat it as a standalone and not with other dishes like beans, rice, spaghetti, etc.

    1. Bole and fish

    My Port Harcourt people own this crown. I tasted bole and fish once and I knew where my loyalties lie. This combo has everything that beats the other plantain dishes hands down. Roasted bole, stew, fish, a sprinkle of leaves. You sef judge am na. Judge it and tell me why bole and fish shouldn’t own the top spot.

    7 Important Things You Need To Know About Cooking Beans

    [donation]

    Kunle Ologunro

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  • No matter what part of Nigeria you went to boarding school, we are pretty sure your dining hall served at least half of these meals.

    Yam and Eggs

    Yam and eggs were usually served on Saturday or Sunday morning. Remember how sharing the egg used to cause fight? Or how the bowl or cooler would be half filled with eggs and half filled with oil? Then they’ll now serve it with one large slice of yam.

    Garri and moin moin

    If you didn’t carry extra sugar for your garri from your dorm then you weren’t ready for life. And why was the moin-moin always so small? Did anybody else steal extra moin-moin to go and eat in their dorms later?

    Jollof rice and chicken.

    Jollof rice and chicken was usually served on Sunday afternoons. Remember how they used to only serve the most miserable parts of the chicken then when there is a special occasion like school anniversary the chicken will miraculously become bigger and spicier. Some schools had Jollof rice and meat instead, then chicken for the special occasions.

    Spaghetti and fish stew or noodles

    Why did anyone ever think it was a good idea to serve spaghetti or noodles in Nigerian boarding schools? If you went for your meal early and got lucky then it’ll be hot and nice but most of the time the spaghetti or noodles will be cold and clumped together. When it’s not garri cake.

    Akara and ogi

    Immediately after having this on Saturday or Sunday morning if you didn’t take a long nap then you are not a human being. The days the ogi was watery were the worst.

    White rice and stew

    This was every boarding school’s favourite weekday lunch. If it wasn’t white rice, stew and meat then it was white rice, stew and fish.

    Eba and egusi

    The eba will now be stone cold and the egusi will be watery. If you didn’t get served egusi you got served some kind of strange vegetable soup.

    Bread and stew

    Remember how the stew was supposed to be fish stew but you won’t see any fish you’d only be tasting the fish in the stew. If you were lucky you’ll see one small chunk of fish.

    Yam porridge

    I don’t know why they used to bother to call it porridge, it was just yam and palm oil garnished with very little vegetable. At least we hope it was vegetable they were using.

    Bread and eggs

    The bread and egg struggle was too real if you were unlucky you’ll only get the oil at the bottom of the bowl instead of egg. Sometimes instead of fried egg, they’d serve one cold boiled egg.

    We know the food struggle was real but who else misses boarding school?

    We know we do.

    Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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  • 10 Pictures That Prove Plantain Isn’t Anybody’s Mate

    1. Plantain that’s basically the crown on this Jollof.

    2. This is the plantain that’s responsible for the glo up of beans.

    3. Seriously, look at this greatness!

    4. Gizdodo that won’t leave you for FIFA 2016.

    5. This dodo that has two heads.

    6. This plantain is not anybody’s mate.

    7. Boli and fish that was only made for great people.

    8. This dodo certainly has international exposure.

    9. Plantain chips that will take away all your sorrow.

    10. This boiled plantain that will give you instant six-packs.

    Maryam

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  • If Tweets About Dodo Were Motivational Posters

    Odunayo

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  • These 11 Words Will Trigger Happiness In Every Nigerian

    Odunayo

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