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Disgrace | Zikoko!
  • 8 Signs Your Partner Might Stain Your White in Public

    As we’ve seen lately, the possibility of your partner ruining your white by is higher than the levels of shege the Nigerian government has put us through. It can happen at any time, while you’re sitting on your own in your house or after you just got serenaded by THE Usher Raymond. We care about the whiteness of your clothes and your peace of mind, so here are a couple signs you need to look out for to avoid public disgrace and ridicule.

    Their favorite book is 48 laws of power 

    If you see the book anywhere near them, just run. Nothing good comes from reading that book.

    You’ve seen them move mad before

    If you’ve seen them move like they’ve been possessed before for no reason, it’s probably best to use the door and never come back. Just because, they’re yet to yell in your face, and act a fool, doesn’t mean your turn won’t come. 

    They think you take things too seriously 

    They’ll sneak diss you with their “jokes” and then start shouting, “I’m just playing” when you refuse to take the insult. 

    They say they are traditional 

    Nothing good has ever come from a person who uses the word “traditional“  to describe themselves. If they say traditional at least twice in a conversation, pack your load and flee.

    None of their exes have good things to say about them 

    We know relationships won’t always end amicably, but there’s no way every single one of their exes is out here saying they are nothing to write home about. Let’s be for real, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

    They don’t listen to anyone 

    They think they’re the best thing since jollof rice and have blocked their ears from listening to anyone reasonable.

    They are surrounded by yes men

     

    No one around them is willing to tell them the truth. They can say the sky is pink and every one in their friend group would concur with their lies.

    They think the opposite of logical is emotional 

    This simply means they are going to show you shege and gaslight you. You better run.

  • 1. When you’ve finished eating and the waitress says “POS is not working”.

    So I should vomit the food or what?

    2. When you have to line up at the bank for a long time to get cash because your ATM card is misbehaving.

    Na wa oh!

    3. When you have to carry a large amount of cash with you, you’re like:

    That’s how they will steal from me and kill me oh!

    4. When you buy something from a store and they tell you “aunty there is no change”.

    Better find my change!

    5. When you’ve forgotten where you hid a large amount of cash in your house.

    I am finished oh!

    6. When rats and moths have turned your money to their midnight snack.

    This is not the life I was promised oh!

    7. When your ATM card just decided to stop working.

    So today my shame will be complete?

    8. When you find torn, old and ugly notes in cash you just received as payment.

    Will God not punish people like this?

    9. When your ATM card is stolen and you start receiving debit alerts.

    My enemies are at it!

    10. When you see your mates going cashless and you are still stuck carrying money like a cash alabaru

    When will my story change?