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  • 11 Sure Ways to Get Your Man to Cry on Your Wedding Day

    11 Sure Ways to Get Your Man to Cry on Your Wedding Day

    Is your man really in love with you if he doesn’t burst into tears as you walk down the aisle? The answer is no, obviously. So here are 11 things you can do to make your groom cry on your wedding day. 

    Find people to beat him 

    If he can’t cry on his own, he clearly deserves beating. Get one or two guys to “pay him a visit” the night before the wedding. And then make sure they’re invited to the wedding, so whenever he looks round the hall and sees them, he’s reminded of the terror. 

    Leave him at the altar

    Wait until they ask you if you take him as your lawfully wedded husband, then sprint out of the venue. While he’s devastated, thinking of what went wrong, he’ll start tearing up. Make sure you hide somewhere close sha, and the moment you see him crying, you can start walking back down the aisle. Just tell him you had to pee or something.

    Cheat on him the day before 

    You could do it the day before or even earlier. Find his best man and hook up with him. If your husband loves you, he’ll forgive you. Because what’s love without a bit of forgiveness? 

    Put aboniki in his handkerchief

    You’d need to work with his best man for this one. Just add a lirru bit of aboniki to his handkerchief and plan with the event centre to turn off the air conditioner 20 minutes before you come in. He’ll have no other option but to wipe his face, no? 

    Tell him you’re pregnant 

    Whether he’ll cry tears of joy or anguish and sorrow entirely depends on him. Your own is that he must cry. 

    Invite all his side chicks 

    Get a room and invite all his exes, sneakily links, side pieces and work wives. He’ll start crying when he sees them because he’s reminded of all the fun memories he had as a single man. 

    Call him the wrong name 

    For more effect, call him the name of one of your exes — or even his best man. You won’t even need to tell him to start crying.

    Marry someone else

    The aim is for you to make your man cry on “your” wedding day. Nobody says he has to be the one you’re getting married to. 

    Slap him while he reads his vows 

    The violent take it by force. So, trust us, it works. 

    Wear his club jersey

    If there’s anything we know, it’s that men are in a toxic relationship with their football clubs. No matter how often they complain that the club is trying to end their lives, they stay loyal. So ditch your white wedding dress and just go in their club jersey. They’ll either cry because they think it’s a sweet gesture or because it’s giving them PTSD from all their betting slips that cut, FPL formations that got ruined and all the banter the club made them suffer. 

    Beg him

    Before you finish trying all these things, call your partner aside and beg them not to disgrace you. Even if it’s one small tear, they should cry it and put your haters to shame.

    FOLLOW IT UP: How to Make a Man Cry in Bed  

    Meyimi O.

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  • QUIZ: If You Score 10/20 On This Quiz, You’re A Crybaby

    QUIZ: If You Score 10/20 On This Quiz, You’re A Crybaby

    If these things make you cry, you’re definitely a crybaby. Take the quiz to find out:

    Select all that apply to you:

    Miriam Onyemenam

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  • QUIZ: How Much Of A Crybaby Are You?

    QUIZ: How Much Of A Crybaby Are You?

    Are you a bit of a crybaby or are you the biggest crybaby ever?

    Let’s find out:

    Tuntamilore

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  • You’ll Understand This If You Cry All The Time

    This is for all those who burst into tears because dodo has finished at the buka. Or because you forgot your charger at home. We are here to tell you that you are not mad and you are not alone.

    You were one of those children who’ll start crying and rolling on the floor once you see cane.

    They’ve not even told you that they want to beat you yet.

    At least once a week something will make you go to your office toilet to cry.

    If it’s not because your boss vexed you it’s because you read something sad on Twitter

    This is you watching a movie like Maami or The Notebook.

    When someone didn’t die in your house.

    If your eyeliner and mascara isn’t waterproof then you can’t wear it out.

    When you tried it this was you by the end of the day.

    When you get upset at someone you can’t even explain well why you are upset because you are too busy crying.

    Someone can’t even say something serious without getting disgraced.

    When someone tells you that they haven’t cried in years.

    Can’t relate because you cried that morning.

    When you are crying and people keep telling you to stop crying as if you can put it off like tap.

    It’s like you people think I just enjoy crying.

    You are constantly explaining to people that it’s not as if you are overly sensitive you just can’t control your tear ducts.

    It’s really not your fault.

    When you are out with friends in public and something trivial is about to make you cry but you don’t want to disgrace them.

    You’ve disgraced them too many times in the past.

    Nobody can tell the difference between when you get good news and when you get bad news because you’ll cry either way.

    Just got promoted? cry. Just lost your job? cry.

    When someone makes the mistake of thinking you are weak just because you cry a lot.

    Bitch you thought. Hold my tissue.

    You know the kinds of songs and movies that make you cry, but will you avoid them? No

    Are you not doing yourself?

    If you see someone crying you too, you’ll start crying.

    Someone you don’t know from anywhere o.

    This is you trying to have an argument with someone without bursting into tears.

    Must. Not. Cry. Today

    You are forever lying about the real reason you are crying to people who don’t know you.

    How will you explain that you are crying because you misplaced your earphones.

    When you think that you can’t possibly cry anymore tears in a day but you were wrong.

    It’s enough now.

    You’ve discovered coded ways to cry without anyone finding out.

    Why are you wearing sunglasses inside? It’s because I have apollo, I’m not crying.

    When something happens and all your friends look at you waiting for you to cry.

    And those tears will come.

    At least your constantly leaking eyes has sha helped you get out of wahala with police before.

    Police: Sister where is your licence

    You: Starts crying

    Police: Abeg just be going

    Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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  • If You Are A Crybaby This Is For You

    If You Are A Crybaby This Is For You

    1. When you wake up in the morning and you’ve overslept your alarm

    2. When you get to work late and your boss starts shouting at you.

    3. When you forget your wallet at home.

    4. When you and your other half are fighting and they start saying really mean things.

    5. When your parents say “I’m disappointed in you”.

    6. When LASTMA, VIO or police people stop your car and start harassing you.

    7. When you check your bank balance after a long weekend of irresponsibility.

    8. When you and your best friend are watching a sad movie.

    9. You, reading this post:

    Jola Ayeye

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  • 15 Tweets That Show Life Is Really Hard Everywhere

    15 Tweets That Show Life Is Really Hard Everywhere
    Zimbabweans on Twitter are using #Howtheyrobbedus to tell sad stories of how the government of President Robert Mugabe has failed the people.

    1. When world class hospitals become dumping grounds.

    2. Hospitals that are under-staffed and ill-equipped.

    3. When we are forced to flee our homes.

    4. And we don’t see our loved ones for years.

    https://twitter.com/NzouSuwani/status/788068096800067589

    5. We are forced to go to places where we are not welcome.

    https://twitter.com/NzouSuwani/status/788168438674055168

    6. We go to places where they hate us.

    7. Places where our loved ones die alone.

    8. We come home with foreign degrees, still, there are no jobs.

    https://twitter.com/TinoNyandoro/status/788140768171069440

    9. A government that steals our dreams.

    https://twitter.com/missyemu/status/788284202009686016

    10. A government that silences us.

    11. And steals our hard-earned money.

    https://twitter.com/cslicc/status/787956123492028416

    12. A government that makes us lose our sense of self.

    https://twitter.com/Only_OneHeather/status/788055695740510208

    13. A rotten system where nothing works.

    https://twitter.com/Cde_Huruva/status/788298034086117376

    14. Even being a graduate means nothing.

    15. Yet, government officials continue to enrich their pockets.

    https://twitter.com/NorthPrinc3/status/788283504115257344

    Shola

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