coronavirus | Zikoko!

Nigeria is currently experiencing a wave of illnesses. While some Nigerians are concerned about a fourth COVID-19 wave, many others are chalking the symptoms to malaria and a change of weather. Meanwhile, the Nigerian Centre for Disease Control (NCDC) has recorded a significant surge in the number of confirmed COVID-19 cases over the past two weeks attributed to newer variants of the virus — the Delta and Omicron variants.

Here’s everything you need to know about the newest Omicron variant and how to stay safe this Detty December period.

1. What is Omicron?

When a virus spreads rapidly enough, it is more likely to change. The process of a virus changing is called a mutation. In the case of COVID-19, the virus has undergone several mutations forming the variants: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta; the newest variant is called Omicron.

The Omicron variant has been detected in many countries, including Nigeria.

2. How quickly does it spread?

In November 2021, 111 people attended a party in Oslo, Norway. Out of the 111 attendees, 80 of them caught COVID-19. Sixty other people who later dined at the same venue also caught the virus. When a virus spreads so quickly at large gatherings, such an event is called a superspreading event. A study from the University of Hong Kong suggests that the Omicron variant infects and multiplies in the body 70 times faster than other variants of COVID-19. This information is crucial in Nigeria, as we are in the season of potential superspreading events — owambe parties, music concerts and Detty December celebrations.

NEW: here’s a chart showing daily cases by specimen date in London, broken down by variant.

This is what is coming to ~every country across the world in the coming weeks. pic.twitter.com/EZsnw5evK3
— John Burn-Murdoch (@jburnmurdoch) December 15, 2021

3. Does the Omicron variant cause different symptoms?

Right now, all the symptoms of Omicron seem to be consistent with other variants — cold-like symptoms which include:
- Runny nose
- Headache
- Fatigue (either mild or severe),
- Sneezing
- Sore throat.
Early results suggest that Omicron may not be as severe as the Delta variant, but it is too early to conclude. The World Health Organization (WHO) insists that more data is needed and warns that Omicron should not be dismissed as “mild”.

4. Do COVID-19 tests detect Omicron?

Yes. PCR and antigen-based rapid diagnostic tests detect COVID-19 infection, including the Omicron variant.

5. How can we protect ourselves?

While Omicron spreads rapidly, we can reduce the risk of exposure. To protect yourself and your loved ones from the virus, make sure to:
- Wear a mask properly — make sure it covers your nose and mouth. Also, be sure your hands are clean when you wear or remove your mask.
- Practice social distancing — keep a physical distance of at least 1 metre from others.
- Avoid crowded spaces or poorly ventilated rooms.
- Wash your hands regularly and avoid touching your face. When you cannot wash your hands, use a hand sanitiser with at least 60% alcohol.
- Get vaccinated. WHO-approved COVID-19 vaccines are safe and effective.
This is a developing story. Check back for updates and follow Zikoko on Twitter.
Ama Udofa

December 23, 2021

Citizen

coronavirus, covid-19, health, Omicron
Last month, the Nigerian government resumed giving both the first and second dose of the coronavirus vaccine. It is important that every Nigerian over the age of 18 gets vaccinated to protect themselves from the deadly virus. With the new strains of the deadly covid-19 virus, the importance of a vaccine cannot be overstated. The vaccine being issued in Nigeria is the AstraZeneca vaccine (also known as the Oxford vaccine). Here’s all you need to know about the covid vaccine:

Where to get the coronavirus vaccine

With a population of 200 million people, only 3.4 million people have been vaccinated in Nigeria and only about half of that number have been fully vaccinated. Please visit any primary health care centre close to you for information on the time and days the vaccine is being given. Click here to view a list of approved vaccination centres in Lagos. For other states, visit your closest health centre for information about approved vaccination centres.

Why you should get the coronavirus vaccine

You should get vaccinated so you can live long and enjoy your life. Getting the vaccine is an important step in protecting yourself and the ones you love from dying from the Covid-19 virus. It is also a step in restoring normalcy to the world.

What to expect after getting the coronavirus vaccine

Everyone reacts differently to things, so the reaction to the side effect of the vaccine differs. It is advised that people use painkillers before taking the vaccine. The reaction to the side effects of the vaccine does not last long enough to scare you away from getting the vaccine.

What to do after getting the vaccine

The vaccine does not offer 100% protection. It drastically reduces the chances of getting sick or dying if you get the virus again, which is more likely than you think, seeing as the Alpha and Delta covid variants are now a thing. Please continue to wash your hands, wear a mask and practise social distancing.

Please do the responsible thing, stay safe, stay protected and get your Covid-19 vaccine shot.

Ibukun

July 6, 2021

Citizen

coronavirus, covid 19, stay safe
Yes, we’re still in a pandemic, and COVID-19 is lurking out there. Worse still, you CAN catch it. Wait fess, before you shout “God forbid!” take this quiz to find out just how safe you are.

Do you know about #ProjectSafeUp — an initiative developed by My World of Bags, in partnership with Mastercard Foundation? The project produces and distributes free personal protective equipment (PPE) to the general public and health workers in Oyo, Lagos, Osun, Ondo and Ekiti. You can follow them on Twitter, Instagram or visit www.myworldofbags.com for access to PPE.

Susan Nwaobiala

March 16, 2021

Quizzes

coronavirus, covid-19, Healthcare, pandemic, Sponsored Post
As told to Mariam

Early last month, I saw a tweet on my timeline — Bimbo* had spent a long time in quarantine even though she didn’t have the virus. I have had the virus before so I was curious about her story. I messaged her and our conversation led to this article.

This year started in the wildest way. I work as a wireline field engineer in Port Harcourt. This means I get to travel a lot. My plan for the year was building my competency so I can be promoted at the office. I was scheduled for jobs that would enable me to reach my goal and I was looking forward to learning more about my job. Before we travel, we have routine checks that include running a polymerase chain reaction (PCR) test — performed to detect the presence of a virus. That was how I tested positive for coronavirus on the 3rd of January even though I wasn’t showing any symptoms.

I was shocked because I took COVID-19 precautions seriously. I always wear my masks. In the office, I wear it even when I am alone. Some of my colleagues joke that they have never seen my face without a mask since the pandemic started. I have a small bottle of hand sanitiser. I refill it very often. On public transport, I pay for two seats so nobody is in my space. I was interacting with everyone from at least 1m away. I was also sad that I had to stay back while my colleagues went on the job.

I was immediately moved to an isolation centre, which was the annexe of a hotel in Port Harcourt. Since I was unable to go to work and I wasn’t feeling sick, it was easy for me to get bored. At first, it wasn’t so bad. My office paid me an inconvenience allowance so I was a bit comfortable. I tried to get into a routine. I worked out in the mornings. I took virtual courses. I read my bible. I wrote competency exams for work. I also finished all of my work deliverables. That productivity level fizzled out fast. I started watching cartoons — I finished my favourite cartoons on Netflix while I was there. I watched a lot of shit on Youtube. I had a lot of information in my head so I started making videos of my opinions on different topics. I moved to games at some point and then I just started sleeping a lot.

It was like a holiday I did not need. Most of my work is done on the field so I couldn’t do a lot from the isolation centre. I was looking forward to leaving the facility and going back to work but on the 10th day, my second test came back positive. Wahala! At this point, there was nothing particularly interesting to do so I would find myself just staring out the window. It’s interesting how much you can notice when you look long enough every day. I also started taking drugs even though I still had no symptoms. My mum contacted her friend who was a nurse and she prescribed hydroxychloroquine, zinc and vitamin C. I had read somewhere that hydroxychloroquine doesn’t cure COVID-19 but I was desperate. My parents also sent me green tea, honey and ginger.

After another 10 days, I took another test and it came back positive again. This time, I asked to go home since I had no symptoms, there was no point staying there. By this time, I had spent 23 days in that centre. I live with my parents so when I moved back home, my mum would boil ginger, garlic, honey, onions and lime and I would inhale the steam. It was recommended by my dad’s cousin who is a doctor in America. I believed he knew what he was doing plus we were all worried. We did this for about seven days before I took another test.

Guess what? It was positive again. This was my third positive covid test after about a month of first getting diagnosed with it. My dad was quite suspicious because we had been following the instructions given to us by my dad’s cousin – the doctor, my mum’s friend – the nurse and the internet religiously. Also, I still wasn’t showing any symptoms whatsoever and neither of my parents was sick. So I decided to take another test at the government testing centre in Port Harcourt. It was negative and both tests were just a day apart. I sent the negative result to my office and they were sceptical about it because that’s where we had all been getting tested. In a bid to investigate further, I decided to visit a different private centre and take another test. Let’s call it Centre B. Centre A is where I had been getting positive results. Centre B’s result came back negative as expected. In all of this, I was annoyed that I was spending a lot of money and I wasn’t even sick! I spent 30k to print out my government result and the private tests cost me 50k. Luckily, my dad paid for them.

When I went back to Centre A with both negative results — from the government and Centre B, they had an explanation, something about antibodies but I believe that they were lying. I couldn’t chase the case any further because of how grave it would be to accuse a whole health centre of doctoring coronavirus results and I was the only one who had done an external test so far so I let it go. Moreover, I was relieved to not have COVID-19 after 40 days of isolation. Looking back, I feel like I could have utilized my free time better but I have no regrets. My goals are calling me and I have to answer. I may have lost some time but you never know what’s going to come out of that. What’s mine will always find me.

For more women-centred content, click here

Mariam Sule

March 3, 2021

Her

as told to, coronavirus, Healthcare, isolation
COVID-19 threw a well-aimed spanner in everyone’s plans this year. Nobody escaped unscathed. Some of Miss Rona’s victims were people who wanted to tie the nuptial knot and spend the rest of their lives together. Instead, they found themselves donning Sanwoolu face masks.

However, some brave couples decided to go ahead with their weddings. I wanted to know what it took to get married during the pandemic, so I reached out to a few people who said their vows despite the coronavirus.

Mojola, 26

We initially planned to get married on April 18 and it was supposed to be massive. We had paid everyone; the vendors, the venue, everything. When we tried to get refunds, all the vendors refused, saying we should let them know when we’re ready to do the wedding.

Our parents were meant to sponsor most of the wedding. Nevertheless, my husband and I had spent more than 3 million already before the government announced the lockdown.

We later decided to get married in a private registry ceremony. We still plan on having the ceremony later in the year, when everything has cleared up. Our families and friends are still on our necks to have a proper wedding ceremony, so that’s what we’re going to do. Besides, all our money cannot just go down the drain like that. So we’ll wait.

Zipporah, 25

“My husband didn’t even get time off work. We got married during his break. Even during the wedding, he was replying to work emails.”

We originally planned to get married in April and we had planned a huge ceremony. We already paid for everything; the hall, the caterer, the band. Everybody was ready for the wedding, flights had been booked from all over Nigeria, clothes had been sewn, everything was set.

Then, the Federal Government announced the lockdown.

We tried to get refunds from the vendors but you know you can’t get all your money back from Nigerian vendors. The venue and decoration guys still haven’t refunded any of the money till date.

After waiting for a while, we decided to go ahead with the wedding in a much smaller way.We finally married on the 4th of June in a small ceremony. Because the state government hadn’t allowed places of worship to open fully yet, the pastor placed a 20-person limit on the ceremony. We didn’t even use microphones, just to avoid attention; police had been arresting whole weddings at the time.

My husband didn’t even get time off work. We got married during his break. Even during the wedding, he was replying to work emails.

Right after, we had a small reception for guests. The number of guests suddenly ballooned because tons of people in the area got wind of the wedding. Many of them were without work due to the pandemic so they came for the food.

This really increased the cost of the wedding. Added to the fact that the pandemic drove up the price of everything, it ended up being more expensive than a regular wedding.

Muyiwa, 32

I proposed sometime in November 2019 and planned our wedding for April 4. Two days to our wedding, the Lagos State Government imposed the lockdown.

Of course, everything had been paid for, people had come into town and everyone was set. We waited to see how long the lockdown would last for. When there was no end in sight, we opted for a very lowkey wedding on May 27, which we had at my wife’s father’s house.

There were only 20 people in attendance. Everyone was wearing a facemask, even in the wedding photos. Interestingly, we never planned to hold a reception for our original wedding. We were just going to go to church. So we didn’t pay any money to vendors or anything, lucky for us.

My wife is from Delta and you know how expensive Delta weddings are. We spent about 2.5m for the traditional wedding, and most of that was on feeding. The traditional wedding list from the bride’s family also took a bulk of the money. For the revised wedding, we spent less than 300k. We didn’t even have to spend on food. The smaller wedding was ideal for me because I personally don’t like being around crowds. God just worked it out for us and it was perfect.

Imade, 27

We set a date in April to allow ample time for his family, who lived in the US, to come down and prepare. Then COVID happened. We had no idea what to do. We didn’t know if or when we were going to do the wedding.

Eventually, we decided to just get married anyway in July, when the lockdown was finally eased. His parents still couldn’t make it down because of the international travel ban. They were represented by his sister and uncle.

We had our traditional wedding on the 1st of August. Every single person was wearing a mask. Even when we were dancing, people were coming to spray us one by one, not like you usually find at weddings, just so they could maintain social distancing.

We couldn’t get much of the money back. Most of the vendors all insisted on taking a service charge out of the refund, mostly about 30%. And even at that, they are all saying they don’t have the money.

There was no reception at our white wedding on the 8th of August. We just received church blessing and a small reception for friends who travelled and that was it. We had about 150 people in attendance in all.

For our original wedding, we had spent about 10 million. For our scaled wedding, we ended up spending about 2.7 million, in all.

Dami, 24

“I’m the firstborn and he’s also his parent’s firstborn, so that wedding has to happen. Besides, we’ve already spent about 25 million. And I just want to dance on my wedding day, abeg.”

We set our wedding for April 12 in Lagos and it was going to be huge. Unfortunately, our flight to Nigeria was canceled in March.

We were supposed to have over 1300 guests in attendance. People had booked their flights to Nigeria from London. We haven’t even attempted to get refunds because we decided to wait till December or next year to have the wedding ceremony.

We already had a court wedding here in London. We had a few people as witnesses and that was it.

I’m the firstborn and he’s also his parent’s firstborn, so that wedding has to happen. Besides, we’ve already spent about N25 million. And I just want to dance on my wedding day, abeg.

You might be interested in “I Was Fired From Work While Sick”: Stories From Nigeria About Surviving Coronavirus

Olufemi Fadahunsi

August 26, 2020

Money

coronavirus, lockdown, money, pandemic, Wedding
COVID-19. It’s pretty much all we hear these days. Never before has any singular event altered the course of human history. Every other day, we hear about new ramifications of this deadly disease: damaged organs, lung scarring, stroke, impact on the brain and mental health.

Like these aren’t enough, reports and studies are showing ways in which the coronavirus affects women more than men.

Men are more likely to be infected with COVID-19 than women

For some reason, men appear to be more likely to be infected with this deadly illness than women. Although researchers are not sure why, but they think it might be due to certain biological differences between men and women.

Men are more likely to get worse symptoms and die from COVID-19 than women

Looks like our male bodies are set up to sell us out. Apparently, androgens in our bodies such as testosterone boost the virus’ ability to get into our cells, according to research. Talk about betrayal.

Another study showed that the fatality rate for men infected with COVID-19 was much higher at 2.7%, compared to 1.8% for women.

Your penis is not spared either

Shocking investigations have been surfacing to prove the fact that men who recover from COVID are very likely to be plagued with sexual problems. In other words, you might have trouble getting your John Thomas up when you need it to. Wahala.

We hope these few points of ours are enough to convince you to renew your vigour NOT to catch COVID-19. Use a mask in public spaces, wash your hands, maintain social distancing and be watchful of symptoms.

You might also want to read Preventing The Coronavirus And Seeing The End Of 2020. That’s if you want to see the end of 2020.

Olufemi Fadahunsi

July 29, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, Inside life
A woman fired from the job where she got infected. A man who thinks that losing his sense of smell was a blessing in disguise. A woman worried about the future of her work at the Stand To End Rape Initiative – Three Nigerians describe their hospital journeys during a pandemic.

Since February 2020, when Nigeria reported its first case of Coronavirus, almost 40,000 Nigerians have been infected. Over 14,000 have recovered. And about 1,000 Nigerians have died. Since the third infected person recovered, Zikoko has been speaking to survivors. The aim is to put a face to the numbers we see everyday: stories are more powerful than statistics. The human mind just can’t grasp the gravity of large numbers.

On April 27, a 5-week lockdown put in place by the Nigerian government was lifted. Since then, there seems to be a reversal to the norm. Nigerians are throwing “small parties”; rules of social distancing and self-isolation are not being followed. Meanwhile, the number of cases are rising. The hope is that by sharing stories of real people who have survived this virus, we are all reminded that the Coronavirus is very real, and there’s still a lot of work to be done.

MRS. ALEXANDER

Age: 33

Isolation center: Onikan Center

Symptoms: Asymptomatic

I was not with my family when I got infected. My family members don’t stay in the same state as me. It was from a live-in job where I was a nanny that I went into the isolation centre. I told the doctors not to contact any member of my family. Except in case of an eventuality [God forbid]. But I knew I was going to survive. With the information people had about the virus, any family member who was told about my situation would have panicked. Especially my mum. She’s hypertensive, so I didn’t want to bother her. The doctors took care of us and visitors weren’t allowed, so there was nothing any family member could do to help.

I got tested because I came in contact with someone who tested positive. The NCDC tested everyone who was in contact with the person. At the point of testing, I was asymptomatic. The only thing I remember is having constant heartburn and chest pain which I attributed to ulcer – I am an ulcer patient. It wasn’t until my result came out positive that I thought the pain might have been caused by something else.

I wasn’t scared the day I was taken into isolation. The hospital called in the morning and they explained that they were sending an ambulance to pick me up. So, I packed some clothes and waited for them.

My hospital experience was initially tough for me because I couldn’t eat the food. It wasn’t bad or anything but I am picky about food. Also, because of my ulcer, I couldn’t eat some food they served like yam and beans. At some point, I had diarrhoea, so I was scared to eat. The doctors said it was part of the COVID symptoms, but I think it’s because I forced myself to eat the moi moi they served one time. At a point, I requested for beverages and someone on the medical team got it for me. I think that was when I started to adjust.

The worst part of my hospital stay was the sample collection. At intervals, they would dip a long cotton bud down your nose. I had to stay still while it was pushed down my nose to a particular point. I suspect it even hit my brain because I felt it there. The process was very uncomfortable, and I always sneezed. There was a particular day where they had to take my sample twice because the first one got contaminated. I almost cried that day, but that was the test that declared me Corona free so I wasn’t sad for long.

Isolation Centre

In the middle of all this, I got fired from the live-in job where I got the virus. When the lockdown started, my old boss asked if I had money to send home for my family to stock up. I told her I had no money after which she gave me ₦20,000 to send home. Not once did she mention that this was out of my salary ( my salary is ₦50,000). While I was in the hospital, I got a call from home that my kids were sick and they needed money for treatment. To keep up appearances that all was well on my end, I promised to send some money. I texted my boss for my salary for the month I worked before falling sick. I made sure that I explained the situation of things at home.

That’s how she started: “I feed you, you are ungrateful, didn’t I pay you last month?” The money I gave you was a part of your salary. I protested that she never mentioned it. She called me a fool and told me she couldn’t condone my attitude and relieved me of my job. She sent the money after deducting the ₦20,000 and I didn’t say anything.

To further worsen things, she called to say that her laptop was missing, and I had to produce it. I explained to her that I couldn’t have taken it seeing as I left the house in an ambulance to the isolation centre which I hadn’t left. At that point, I was starting to feel uncomfortable, so I complained to the COVID team. It was surprising to me because this was someone I used to help withdraw from her ATM card; I know her pin. When she was in the hospital caring for her son who tested positive and infected me, I was in charge of the house. It was shocking to me.

For the first time in my life, I had high blood pressure. My blood pressure went from my usual range of 107 to around 130/90. I just had to look for a way to take my mind off it. I remember Easter Sunday when a gospel musician called BJ Sax was invited to the centre to play. I danced and danced. That day, I danced my problems and Corona away. Before that, I had been lying on my bed and feeling sad.

When the doctors told me that I was discharged, I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t go back to work, I couldn’t travel home to my family because of the lockdown. Luckily, a friend agreed to let me stay with them while I recovered.

I have gotten to the point where I no longer allow things I can’t control bother me. The conditioning of your mind is very crucial to whether you survive a difficult situation or not. There’s a way your mind helps you fight that your body eventually agrees. These days, I am staying positive while I fully recover.

At least, the worst part is over.

HILARY

Age: 29

Isolation center: Mainland hospital, Yaba.

Symptoms: Loss of taste and smell.

I travelled to the U.K. On my last weekend there, I sprayed my perfume and I realized that I couldn’t smell anything. My initial assumption was that maybe it was the flu. Now and then, I get catarrh and my nose gets blocked.

The next day while having a shower, I couldn’t smell my soap. I had been coughing for a while before this happened but it had gone so I didn’t imagine that I had the virus. I just felt it was allergies that would go on its own.

I got back to Nigeria on Tuesday. My housemaid made fried rice, but the taste was unusual so I became worried. I called my doctor who asked me a few questions to ascertain if I had the virus or not. The common symptoms at the time I got tested were cough, fever, sneezing. But when I told my doctor that I couldn’t smell anything, she advised me to get tested. After going around, I was referred to the Infectious Diseases Center at Yaba.

At the centre, I was directed to a place called the “isolation centre.” I met a doctor there who asked me routine questions. Because I wasn’t exhibiting common symptoms at the time, he told me to come back in 14 days if I developed regular symptoms like cough or fever.

Picture by Hilary.

I refused.

I explained that I couldn’t smell anything and that my sense of taste was also altered. I asked that rather than come back after it was too late, I wanted to get tested and start treatment. There was no way I was leaving their facility without getting tested. After a back and forth, they tested me. This happened on a Wednesday.

On Saturday morning, I got a call from the NCDC saying that I tested positive and an ambulance was coming to pick me.

At that point, my body was shaking from fear because I didn’t understand what was happening. My colleagues from work advised that an ambulance would be too dramatic and might expose me to social media drama. They advised that if I was feeling well enough, I should quietly drive down to the centre. I packed a few things: Water, Aboniki balm, vitamins and I drove down.

My time at the hospital was fairly okay. The nurses and doctors were empathetic, but I guess they were overwhelmed. They didn’t plan for the number of cases they got so there were times they spoke out of turn.

At some point, we ran out of water in the ward. Part of our treatment involved drinking lots of water to stay hydrated. In the beginning, we got as many as 3 – 4 bottles of water per meal. But as our numbers increased, this reduced to one bottle per meal. On one occasion, someone needed more than a bottle and the staff said: “tell your people to bring you water.” It didn’t make sense because that person’s only family member was his pregnant wife. And she stayed in Ajah. It was a silly statement asking his wife to drive down to Yaba because of one bottle of water. We eventually called them out, and they started giving us more than one bottle again.

Losing my sense of smell was a blessing in disguise because it meant that if the hospital toilet was dirty or smelling, I wasn’t affected. This gave me a soft landing as I settled in. People were checking on me and that occupied my time so I didn’t feel lonely. During my sickness, my boss sent me ₦100,000. My sister sent me fruits, kettle, ginger, and green tea. I also had two friends that sent me food – one sent a smoothie with salad. Another friend sent me special fried rice, with pasta, sauce and a smoothie.

After getting discharged from the hospital, I now know that I can stay alone in my own space for days and not get bored. I discovered my need for Netflix in the centre. Before I went to the isolation centre, I never bothered with Netflix because I am not a movie person. At the hospital, I saw the movie 93 days about Ebola in Nigeria. The movie gave me the strength to pull through.

Since I got home, I now take regular evening walks to stretch my body. Sometimes, I run into people from work who still avoid me. It makes me feel somehow, but people see things differently. If the roles were reversed, I don’t think I would do that to them.

Coronavirus is a deadly disease, but it’s not a death sentence. I have not fully recovered. My sense of smell hasn’t fully returned, but I feel it coming back. However, I think my sense of taste is back. I look forward to the day I can finally smell my favourite Hermes and Versace perfume again.

AYODEJI

Age: 29

Isolation center: Mainland Hospital, Yaba.

Symptoms: Fatigue and fever.

It feels good to be out and to be able to move around in my house. I was in the isolation centre for too long, and my freedom was limited. It was a tough experience because it’s not your regular malaria where you understand the pattern, and you know how your body will react.

I had symptoms like fatigue and fever. I had just returned from a trip to the UK so I reached out to the NCDC to get tested. It was a nerve-wracking period for me because my life was in the hands of one organisation, and I was not getting prompt responses. I just wanted to know what was happening to my body. I could not go to the hospital because I didn’t want to put health workers at risk, but I also needed to be out of my misery.

Because of the novelty of the virus, I had so many unanswered questions: Was I going to survive? Was I going to die? I was also thinking of all the money I hadn’t spent, all the things I had yet to enjoy. As much as it was a physical illness, it was also a mental sickness.

After a lot of back and forth, I finally got tested by the NCDC and I was taken to the isolation centre.

At the hospital, I had so many negative thoughts. There were days I’d try to be positive and days that I’d be negative. The way the media plastered the death scare as opposed to the cases of recovery worsened it for me. Also, because of the way the Nigerian healthcare system is structured, it’s a gamble knowing what you are getting out of that system. It was a mental gamble on whether I was going to live or die.

What kept me going was my faith in God because I kept on reminding God about his promises to me. I kept reciting these verses: John 10 vs 28, Jer. 17 vs 14, Isiah 41:10 -13. I also read Psalm 91.

My family and friends were supportive. They sent me prayers, emotional support, and constantly checked up. My organisation was also on my mind because we have a lot planned for 2020. The idea that I could be dying was scary..

I experienced some of the greatest kindness at the isolation centre. One time, someone’s husband brought pizza and we had a pizza party. It’s a kind thing when people who are otherwise strangers are connected by one issue and they help each other. When one person was throwing up and losing energy, people were supportive: “Take one gulp, oya use your medication.” The communal love was one of the best things that I experienced. This made it become like a game; a game for your life.

It was touching. They had no reason to care about you because they were in a similar condition, but they did. It was one of the biggest kindnesses I have experienced.

The day my test results came back negative, I moonwalked in the isolation centre. Everyone was like “go Ayo.” I felt happy knowing that I had beaten the virus. Coming from a place where I thought I might not survive it to beating the hell out of it was a good feeling. It was a victory of hope for other people in the centre. As one of the first patients in the isolation centre, it re-assured my fellow ward mates that they could fight and win. It re-assured me that even when life throws lemons at me, I always make juicy lemonade.

Photo by Ayodeji on the day of her discharge.

Beating the virus changed a lot of things for me. When I came out, I was like do I even need to have savings? Should I just have a lush life as I’m not guaranteed tomorrow? [laughs]. On a serious note, it made me appreciate life more. I now understand that sickness is a leveller. You can have a chronic disease at any time and you might not survive.

Visit www.coronafacts.africa for the latest updates on the pandemic.

Hassan Yahaya

July 25, 2020

Citizen

coronavirus, Nigeria, survivors
“A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

The subject for today is Chizzy. A trader in Yaba in his twenties. He walks us through life in Yaba market, his doubts on Coronavirus in Nigeria, and his struggles with weight gain.

MONDAY:

I wake up by 7 am today. The first thing I do is morning devotion, followed by press-ups. I have to keep fit both spiritually and physically. I wake up early because if I don’t get to Yaba market on time, sales may have finished for the day. Since the lockdown was lifted, we have new rules in the market. We open by 9 am and close by 4 pm. If I don’t leave my house early, I may not get a bus. Missing the bus can ruin my sales for the day.

I quickly have a bath, brush and set off for the day. I make sure I always leave my house latest by 8:30 am. It takes 30 minutes to go from my house to the market – it’s two buses and one pedestrian bridge away.

The first thing I do when I get to the market is to find food. I don’t play with morning food because without it, I can’t concentrate when you’re talking to me. Especially if I didn’t eat the night before. Also, I can’t eat the same food I ate last night the next day. For example, I ate rice last night so I’m eating swallow today. I no dey like to chop the same food twice.

The sad part is that with the way I eat, I’m still not fat. The thing annoys me. I want to drink fat medicine because I am tired. Sometimes, I’ll do press-ups to see if I can even get muscle. I think I am cursed to not have body.

After eating, I greet my neighbours for them to know that I am around. I like to be jovial in the market. I always announce my presence so that the day I don’t come, they will feel my absence.

I work under someone but I still run my own packages. My oga gives me goods to sell, and my job is to record the sales. I can sell it at any price as long as I record my oga’s profit and cost price. Other people even bring goods for us to sell and I have my own percentage from whatever I sell. It’s funny because the people that bring goods for us to sell have money to buy plenty but they don’t have the connection to move them. I have the connection to move it, but no money to buy plenty goods. Sometimes, if I see someone going to China, I give them small money to help me buy things. For them to just arrange the reigning fashion wears for me. Then I resell here as my own and keep all the profit.

Sadly, the last stock I bought from China has finished and I haven’t been able to get more because of the lockdown. Some people have dropped their goods with me and we have agreed on my own percentage. My plan for today is to sell as many as I can so that I can earn it.

TUESDAY:

I go to the market 4- 5 days a week. I go on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Sometimes, depending on the sales for the week, I don’t go on Thursday. However, no matter what happens, I don’t go on Tuesday and Sunday at all.

Tuesday is for sex.

At least it used to be. In the past when I was still a game boy, my Tuesdays were for that. I used to call myself a game boy because I was a multi-player. I had different partners. But now I am in a serious relationship and things have changed. In the past, Monday nights were exciting in anticipation of Tuesday. These days, things are no longer the same.

My routine in the past was like this: if it’s a first time visitor, I’ll change the bedsheet. I’ll clean the house and also make sure the curtain is not dirty. I’ll even mop the house. Then I’ll spray perfume, have a bath, scrub my teeth, and wait for the babe.

However, if it’s a regular person that’s coming over and we are already sexing, I don’t need to change the bedsheet. It’s not that the bedsheet won’t be clean but it’s not going to be a special affair or I’ll overdo the cleaning. Also, I always make sure my mouth doesn’t smell because I hate bad breath. I enjoy being able to talk to women with confidence. The babe has to enjoy a cool scent when I am talking to her. It also makes kissing easier. If my mouth is smelling when I’m talking, the girl will just be running away.

Anyhow sha, I no longer have sex on Tuesdays. My girlfriend isn’t available like that. She’s at home and she can’t leave the house without her parents’ permission. Even when she leaves, we have to plan the lie she’ll tell her parents ahead. Coupled with lockdown, everything is just somehow.

It hasn’t been easy, but I feel that this relationship is meaningful and heading somewhere. Based on that, I decided to stop being a player.

Nowadays, I sleep on Tuesdays because the rest is also as important. And that’s exactly what I will do today.

WEDNESDAY:

Corona no reach Yaba market.

Today, I shook one guy, and he said that he didn’t know why he shook me. I told him that since Corona started, plenty of people have died, and as long as we haven’t died, we will keep shaking ourselves.

The only reason I wear a mask is to avoid Nigerian police. They are arresting people without masks and using it to make money.

In the market, we shake, we hug because nothing dey happen. In fact, there’s nothing like sanitizer. If you come to the market every day for one week, you’ll forget about this virus issue. It’s people who don’t go to crowded places that still talk about the virus. If you go to a crowded place regularly, you’ll get used to it. I am tired of wearing face masks because the sun is beating me and I can’t breathe well in the market. Everywhere is choked. It’s just unnecessary punishment.

Yaba market has its own culture. And our culture is full of werey werey people and we have all agreed that nothing dey happen.

In the first week after we resumed, we all used to tie nose masks. After one week, people got tired and stopped wearing it.

I believe that this Corona thing in Nigeria is a business. I think so because I don’t personally know anyone that Corona has killed. If it’s really in Nigeria the way it is in other countries, why have 5 million Nigerians not died by now? The way it’s potent in other countries, why is it not that potent in Nigeria? And why is it mostly Lagos state that they say people are dying? Don’t they die in other states?

Abroad people are even more civilised than we are, yet they got the virus. In Nigeria, we go to ATMs all the time, we press the keys without wearing gloves. In a public house like face me I face you, people share the same toilet and bathroom. If it’s real, how will they survive it?

The bus I sit in every day, it’s 3 per seat. They say Corona lasts for a long time on the surface and yet we are still surviving it. Why aren’t we dead? Are you telling me that God is saving Nigerians?

We keep saying no church yet some people keep going to church secretly and we don’t know. Police who are supposed to follow the rules will grab you and put you in their motor when you are not supposed to touch anyone. Police will arrest you for not using face masks but they too aren’t wearing it. Can I say that God is protecting us or what’s the explanation?

As I am like this, anything that has made me survive in Yaba market since we reopened, I can never die! I can’t contract Coronavirus. (See disclaimer below)

I have survived two months now since they opened the markets. I believe the politicians are using it for business, but that’s politics for you.

Nothing like Coronavirus at my side. I shake people every blessed day and I never die.

THURSDAY:

I am not going to the market today. Thursdays are usually dull around the middle of the month because people have finished spending their salaries. People come to shop well around that end of the month time. I am using today to rest.

I plan to do laundry and just balance. I am going to watch plenty Korean films and just enjoy myself. The very first Korean film that captured my heart was Ju Mong. It’s even the only movie title I remember. I don’t remember titles, I only remember how the film made me feel. I fell in love with Ju Mong because of their culture and tradition. I like the way they practise their government in Korea. They have a monarchy and normal government, so sometimes they clash against each other. It’s nice to see a different culture from what I am used to.

Another reason I enjoy Korean movies is because it’s real to some extent. At least better than American films. In American films, they’ll shoot someone and the person will hide inside the river for 10 days. Afterwards, they will come out and treat themselves. I don’t like that kind of movie.

FRIDAY:

Coronavirus taught us a lot of lessons in Nigeria. Firstly, overwork kills. You need time to relax. If you watch this lockdown time, people came out fresh. It’s just the hunger that spoiled everything. If people had money to eat well, maybe they would have come out fresher.

I was discussing with my boys the other day. In the past, we used to come to the market from 8 am – 8 pm every day. However, these days, because of government rules, we open from 9 am – 4 pm. If you check it, we are making the same money we used to make from working morning till night. Because everything now has time, we can plan ourselves well.

We overstress ourselves in Nigeria. We are supposed to have time to rest. Work for some time and rest for the other. In this Yaba, plenty of people pray for KAI to lock their shops so they can at least use that day to rest. You know there’s no public holiday for market people. No New Year, no Christmas. You rest when they lock your shop or Corona comes.

Lockdown has been a blessing because slim people have added weight. Somehow, instead of adding weight, I have gotten slimmer,even though I eat. They should count me as people that hunger is killing because I didn’t add weight.

Today, before I go to the market, I plan to drink tea. Maybe it’ll help my condition.

SATURDAY:

I made a mistake at work earlier today. I forgot to remove money for one of the goods I supplied. When I realized it, I went to tell the person I supplied.

The guy denied the mistake with his life.

He was shouting that I removed the complete money. I wanted to rush the guy but I realized that if I fight the guy, I’ll lose. Last last, I’m the one that made the mistake. I just told the guy that the money will not change his life and I freed it. It’s street hustle and e don guy me be that.

I’ve been thinking about the incident throughout the day. How could they run me street? A whole me. This thing is scattering my day.

Abeg, I am going home to sleep.

SUNDAY:

Sundays are for domestic work and sleep. I usually clean and cook. After what happened yesterday, I find myself thinking about my future today.

Yaba is too rough. I don’t even like Yaba business like that. It’s just that I have spent a long time and people know me here already. If I had better money, I wouldn’t be in Yaba. I don’t really gbadun their lifestyle here. But I also catch fun too so it balances.

I met all the girls I’ve dated in Yaba. I have also made all my money from Yaba. In addition, on the days where sales are bad, I have friends that make me laugh and happy. These are people I play with, laugh with, cry with, fight with. My life revolves around Yaba because that’s where I spend all my time. I go to work during the day and I return home at night.

The fact that too many people know me here also bothers me. If I start my own business now, people will start replaying my history. They will start saying I started from here to here. If I don’t play with them, they’ll say I am now proud. That they know where I am coming from. The eye service is too much, but this is the only place I have known.

This is my life. If I leave Yaba today, my plan is to jaapa.

I’d like a fresh start – a chance to meet new people – a chance to become a new person.

Disclaimer: Coronavirus is very real and it shouldn’t be joked with. If you or anyone you know exhibits any symptom, please contact the NCDC here.

Glossary:

Jaapa – To relocate from Nigeria.

Werey Werey – A crazy or mad person (derogatory)

E don guy me – He has cheated me.

Gbadun – To enjoy something.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

Hassan Yahaya

July 14, 2020

Hustle

coronavirus, trader, Yaba, yaba market
Ever since the lockdown eased up, there has been a relaxed atmosphere among Nigerians. Fewer people are wearing masks and there are “small parties” happening all over the country. Understandably, people are tired.

How worried would you feel if you avoided these parties, followed the necessary guidelines, and still got COVID-19? Today, Lisa and Tomiwa share their experience with taking precautions and still getting infected.

When did you first suspect that you had COVID-19?

My wife fell ill, and that made us get tested. I wouldn’t have known I was sick if she hadn’t fallen ill because I’m completely asymptomatic.

Damn, what were her symptoms?

She had a fever that lasted two or three nights. The type where the fever disappeared during the daytime and came back at night. She was also tired – a lot of fatigue – like constantly tired.

Then she lost her sense of smell.

Wow.

Prior to her falling ill, she would go to work once a week. Other than that, we only went out for essential shopping like groceries. And that was like once every two weeks. Apart from grocery shopping, I’ve not had any reason to go out because I’ve been working from home.

At the beginning of her illness, I think she went to work once – One day when she was feeling better, and before we got the diagnosis that it was COVID-19. Immediately we got the diagnosis, we informed people in our compound. Now, we’re just isolating inside our house.

We are fitness people. Before this started; we were dosing up on vitamins, keeping fit and just staying healthy. Our cook came in one Monday morning after going home for the weekend and said he had malaria, so we sent him home. We told him to go isolate and get tested. Then my wife fell ill the next day.

We are a little bit concerned that she might have gotten it from him. Now it’s just the two of us at home and I’ve been looking after her. It’s been two weeks of giving her vitamins, food, and just kind of keeping the house together. She’s been fine and hasn’t been doing too much.

Has this affected the quality of your 9-5?

Not significantly.

The best thing about working from home is that your schedule is your own. If you want to wake up earlier, you can do that. If you want to work later in the evening, you can also do that. The difference between being in the office and now is that I’ve done a hundred loads of laundry since this thing started.

It just feels like I’m always washing clothes. It feels like I’m always doing dishes. It’s just the two of us at home, why are there so many bloody dishes? Why are there so many bowls?

You just do stuff on your own schedule. If you have a call, you take your call. The thing about calls is that if it’s a conference call where you’re not the one talking, you can mute and be doing the dishes while it’s happening. So, you’re taking your phone and moving it around while you’re doing things. You finish a call, you make lunch, you do some work, you do the dishes.

Because we’re home, it’s a bit easier to manage the time pressure and the logistics of the thing. If she were ill and I had to go to the office, that would change the equation completely. In a sense, it’s a blessing that it’s happening this way.

I’m curious. Are you saying she got Corona even with preventive measures?

In the first two months of the quarantine – like March, April and most of May, we were super strict. As I said, we have someone who works with us, but for at least the first 8 weeks, we just sent him home – and we were paying salary o. Just sit down in your house and be collecting salary, don’t come to work. We also didn’t receive visitors.

The lockdown eased in like two or three stages. When the government eased it the second time, we were like “we’re tired”, so we let the guy come back to work.

Then, after they released the lockdown again, my wife started going to work.

When the cook came back to work – we told him to have a shower, change his outside clothes to inside clothes, and wear a mask before coming into the house. We knew that wasn’t the most ideal protocol but we relaxed a little bit, with the mask.

Why didn’t your wife continue working from home?

She works in manufacturing and they sometimes have to go in.

Ah, I see. What has been the scariest day since she got ill?

The scariest day health-wise was the first day. She had a fever so bad that I really wanted to take her to the hospital but we knew that hospitals would turn us back because of COVID fear. She had really bad headaches, and was super tired; that was worrying. When she lost her sense of smell, we were like “oh, this might be COVID.” Then when we got our results, we were like “right, we’re positive.”

Then there was having to tell people. There’s still a huge stigma to it; different people react differently. Some people were angry with us for not telling them quickly enough, others were really worried for us – We were just like we have this thing but don’t be scared, she seems to be okay. Thankfully, I think her case is relatively mild. She hasn’t had any breathing issues. She’s been taking her vitamins and just resting. She took paracetamol to break the fever. But it hasn’t been as bad as some of the cases we’ve heard of.

So, I think the health scare hasn’t been as bad for us.

Whew! How did you guys even get tested?

So we did two tests.

A friend had the antibody tests and we took two of those. It’s a blood test that you do at home. The way it’s supposed to work is that if you have the disease or you’ve had it, there are antibodies to show that your body is fighting it. Or that your body developed antibodies to fight it.

There’s an IgG antibody. Basically, if you have it, it means your body is currently fighting it. Then, there’s IgM which means you had it and your body developed antibodies to fight it. So, we took that and they came back negative. But we were advised to still take a proper COVID test.

My dad told us about Mainland hospital in Yaba where we could get it done. So we just drove down there and got tested, it took about 90 minutes and it was completely free. They sent us back home, and we got our results back in about 3 or 4 days.

How did you guys handle the apprehension as you waited?

She became sick on a Tuesday. We thought it doesn’t seem like COVID. It’s just a headache, fever, tiredness. Then by Friday of that week, she lost her sense of smell. So, we were like “ah, this might be COVID.”

Before we even knew it was COVID, we went to a regular hospital. They did a blood test for malaria and it came back negative. We then went to Mainland hospital in Yaba to get tested for COVID. And remember, it took them 3-4 days to get our results. So, we were basically managing it ourselves for almost two weeks.

The instructions from the internet have been to boost your immune system: Eat food that’ll boost your immune system. Take vitamins like Vitamin c, Zinc, Vitamin D and then a general multivitamin. If you have a fever, take paracetamol. So, there’s no chloroquine, or treating yourself for malaria and all of that. Just treat your symptoms, isolate at home, and drink lots of fluids.

We did have some apprehension after we took the test that she might have to go to an isolation centre, but we’ve been able to isolate at home.

So, it’s been like DIY?

Ish.

Cool. What about this current crisis gives you hope based on your own experience?

There are two or three things that give us hope:

One – She got it and it wasn’t as bad as we’ve heard it can be. I don’t know if it’s because we have a lighter strain in Nigeria. I don’t know if it’s because she has no relevant underlying conditions. She was in really good health ahead of time. We are fitness people and take vitamins even when there’s nothing on the horizon. If you have a healthy immune system and no underlying condition, there’s a possibility that it won’t be that bad. I’m not saying people shouldn’t take it seriously, but we got a relatively mild case of it.

Secondly, I’ve been asymptomatic. so that gives some kind of hope. Like my test came back positive, but I’ve been fine. I don’t know if I’m immune or anything, but I’m fine.

Thirdly, the testing was efficient even though 90 mins is a long time to wait. To be fair, we were number 98 on the queue. There were a lot of people and it was relatively well-spaced and organized. It was orderly, there was not too much shalaye. The process was just to fill this form and give them that information, then we got tested. It looked like it was a well-run process.

The results take some time to come out, which can be a bit annoying. Other than that, it’s fine.

Nice. How have you been coping with the isolation boredom?

So, both of us have been working out at home. Even with this thing, we’re still exercising. It’s also been work, tv, and books.

The silver lining of this thing is that I’ve never hung out alone with my wife for so long – that’s a good thing. I’m enjoying that.

Hassan Yahaya

June 30, 2020

Citizen

coronavirus, covid-19
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

Tell me that story that’s going to cross your mind now from when you were a kid

I was watching a movie on VHS and we needed to get a tissue to clean the tape. So I told my dad “let’s just buy it, it’s just ₦20”. My dad asked me to beg God for forgiveness because I said “just ₦20” Hahaha. I think I was about 6, and this was in 2001/2002.

Also, there was that one time in 2005 when my dad gave me 50k to keep for him. I kept that money, and you know what happened?

What?

I forgot where I kept it. Hahaha. My dad was angry, but Nigeria was better at the time. I didn’t find it for another month though. He beat me and then took me to Mr Biggs to apologise.

You know, 2005 was a generally interesting year.

I’m listening.

My dad was a pastor. He was also a businessman, but he had a partner who did all the day to day running of the business. They were traders – they imported stuff and sold. They were also taking their proceeds into real estate, buy properties and stuff – they were diversifying, basically.

But my dad made one mistake.

What did he do?

Trust. They were friends, so he didn’t put all the details in the paper. This man duped my dad of ₦16 million.

What?!

Yes. It hurts to date.

It’s not even my money and it hurts.

My dad could have done better. I didn’t even know the money was that much. I overheard him talking about it later. It was a big big issue at the time. He called church elders, they had meetings. His partner agreed to pay back, then he turned his back. It was so annoying, watching my father frustrated.

Do you know what my dad did?

Tell me.

My dad let all that money go. He was a man of peace, and to be honest, I think it was a weakness on his part. He said he wouldn’t allow anything to get between him and his God. That’s why sometimes I don’t like the Christian way. It kept happening, debts that never got recovered.

Wow.

₦500k here. ₦1 million there. It was such a rough time.

Do you think it affected you in any way?

I think we’d have just had better odds generally. Maybe a better secondary school. Maybe it’d have been invested in something that’d be useful to us. When he was alive, I knew my dad was just working to pay our school fees at some point, and I pitied him. There were four of us.

Ah, he passed away. Sorry about your loss man.

2016 – I finished university the following year. He was 55. He used to tell me what he’d have given us had he not been miscalculating his money decisions. He wanted all of us to school abroad, he wanted to get each of us a car when we finished school at some point. A trust fund, all of that. Gone.

What did he leave behind?

A house. Some landed property in a remote place. To be honest, I’m not even sure anymore because I haven’t seen a document. Sometimes I wonder what was going through his mind.

You clearly think about this a lot. What about your mum?

She’s a teacher. I don’t have a relationship with her beyond the mother-son one with her, it’s just there.

What’s the first thing you did to earn money?

I’d just finished school and was tired of staying at home so my mum told her pastor who knew someone – the CEO of the firm. It was supposed to be a ‘marketing’ job.

What I quickly realised is that it was a sales job at an agency where they sold shaving sticks. My salary was ₦30k in 2017 – I started Uni in 2013 and finished in 2017. I’d go to the office to take stock, get transport money and trek around streets to sell stuff so I can meet my target. It was crazy.

Tell me about your most memorable day on that job.

I was supposed to sell at a market, but I went there and no one wanted to buy. so I started selling in the streets. I trekked for at least 15km that day. Then I saw one church and took a nap on the pews. That nap lasted for 4 hours.

That is intense. What was your daily target?

It is what it is. ₦16800 or so. I realised that in the corner streets, I could sell to smaller stores and people with kiosks. I eventually quit, of course.

When you quit the sales job, what did you do next?

I went to serve in April 2018. I was a teacher in a very small town. I earned ₦5k monthly, plus ₦19,800.

What type of life did that fetch you?

I used the ₦5k for data. I used the ₦19800 to buy provisions for the month. Whenever I got broke, I’d call my uncle or mom.

Post-NYSC?

I finished serving in March 2019. I was unemployed for a while, then an editor from a legacy publisher called me and asked me to write for him for ₦25k a month – I was writing about 3 articles per day. I did the job for a month, but I was unmotivated because I like money. Luckily, I got another job as a content coordinator of sorts. Basically, I was in charge of reviewing people’s submissions, and I was doing that for at least 1,000 articles a month.

Wild. How long were you there for?

4 months. I interviewed for a job at another startup. This one was a digital marketing role. Also, the offer was double what I was previously earning. The work was also double. I started there at the end of 2019.

Something interesting happened.

Tell me.

One day, they sent us a mail that we’d gotten a salary increase. I was happy. What I didn’t know what that I’d just lost my weekends. we started working 6 days a week

How much was the raise?

+₦9,000. Hahaha.

So, the almighty 2020. What plans did you have at the beginning of the year?

Since I’m just about 2 years or so into my career, I didn’t aim too high to be honest. I just set my mind to learn as much as I can. Get a new job. Learn new skills on the job.

Despite getting a raise at my job, I wasn’t learning as much as I wanted, so I started job hunting in February. For someone in a formative stage, I need quality experience. I feel like I made a mistake, but I’m not angry at myself anymore.

So it was good for your salary cap but bad for personal growth.

Something like that. Anyway, I got informed that I’d be getting placed on furlough at the end of March. Since then, I’ve been doing little dummy projects to keep my brain active.

Ouch. How much cash did you have left when the furlough began?

I had about ₦150k.

How much do you have left?

₦8k. It went to mostly data and food. I sent a friend ₦10k for his birthday. I think it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done that. He’s a good friend, and I love him so much. So –

You know what? I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t sent it, I’d still have spent it on something. It is what it is.

What’s the toughest thing about being without a job in this period?

Apart from money, I don’t know. I was unemployed for 4 months before I got my first job. I used to feel useless and unsmart. I was just fresh off NYSC with no relevant experience. Now. I’m calm. I know I’m smart. I know I’ll soon get a job. In fact, I see this time as a rest period. I do lots of sleeping and writing. Now, I have some experience. I understand how recruitments work. I know more people who’ve access to jobs.

I also now know my job isn’t my identity. If I rest. I’ll get a job. If I don’t, I’ll still get one.

Let’s say you get a job offer right now, how much are you asking for?

At least ₦200k.

Let’s talk about the future, and how you want it to be different from the past.

For starters, I don’t like to think I have an inheritance. I want to have legal documents in all my dealings.

I plan to educate myself before investing in anything. I’m off land wahala. before putting my money anywhere, there’ll be something legally binding. No trust. Never!

Also, I see myself heading the comms or marketing team of a top financial institution. I don’t know when. let’s see how the next 5 years pan out. that’ll be a big determiner.

Random, but did your dad have a will?

Will ke? For where?

What’s something you want right now but can’t afford?

A new laptop and phone. My current laptop has been since 2015. I bought it for ₦66k at the time.

What’s the last you paid for that required serious planning?

I’d say I paid ₦55k last year for a course on the financial models, but my mum paid.

When do you think you’ll be called back to work?

I’ve already zeroed my mind that I’m unemployed. The chances of us being called back are slim, I like to think. In the time being, I just want my skills to get better. I want to be a better writer. I want to learn the technicalities of marketing and comms. I want to experience a PR or ad agency.

Let’s talk about financial regrets

I’m learning the importance of emergency funds the hard way.

I ask as routine, but what’s your happiness level on a scale of 1-10, and why?

5. I’d be happier if I have a job. but I can’t kill over a situation I didn’t cause.

What happens when you run out of your last ₦8k?

Honestly, I don’t know. I’m even going to use about $5 out of it to learn how to br proficient with PowerPoint. Luckily, I have a support system. Thank God. I’m just going to keep looking for paid opportunities.

Fu’ad Lawal

June 8, 2020

Naira Life

coronavirus, furlough, Unemployment
If you’ve been observing the Nigerian government since Lady Corona hit, wondering what the thought process is behind the decisions they make regarding the outbreak, you’re not alone. Also, the reason you haven’t been able to figure out their plan for this pandemic is that they don’t have one.

I don’t think they ever did.

This explains why they keep making decisions that imply they have some kind of agreement with Her Royal Virus. Decisions like:

1) The fact that they made this claim:

They said this with their chest like they’d bribed Miss Rona to skip Nigeria during her world tour. The worst part? We fell this fucking lie.

2) The fact that they eased the lockdown and placed a curfew:

Some of the rules that came with this made sense (wearing masks, ban on interstate travelling etc). But what was the point of the curfew? We’re trying to avoid being infected by a virus, not escape a gang of vampires. So what was the reason?

3) The fact that they gave this order:

Am I missing something? Does Miss Rona know to not infect people in gatherings of more than 20 if they’re in church?

4) The fact that they decided on this:

I guess Rona’s gonna wait 60 mins at every church service before she starts attacking people. Good to know.

5) The fact that the governor of Port Harcourt keeps declaring and suspending the lockdown in his state.

Take your time deciding what you’re want to do, Wike. Rona is definitely gonna wait for you.

6) THIS DECISION!!!!!

These niggas really made the decision to cut health funding IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC knowing that the isolation centres are running out of bed spaces.

Chile, let us pray.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

June 3, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, covid-19, nigerian government
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

So, my first question is, what is your oldest memory of money?

I can’t remember how old I was but it was always Eid money from my parents. I was definitely less than 10 years.

Hahaha. Always Eid money.

Yah. But my first ‘made money’ was from selling stuff I knitted in primary school.

Now, this is interesting.

I was knitting caps, small square handkerchiefs, girl purses. I think I was in primary five.

That’s super impressive.

I guess. Maybe if I saved those ₦20 notes I’d be rich now, hahaha. I don’t think I made up to ₦500 – most of it was “I will pay later” with no pay.

What was it like as a child though?

We were not rich-rich but we are not poor either. Middle-class family. So I had the luxuries that I know some people did not have; lived in a pretty good environment too. But it was always about books for us. My dad hated seeing any of his kids not keeping busy with a book. I have two siblings but we had cousins staying with us.

Looks very familiar to me. Next time you earned?

I didn’t go to school In Nigeria. My parents sent allowance – jobs weren’t so easy for foreigners. Although I tried to work, my dad wasn’t having it. So I didn’t work. But towards the end of uni, I started an online perfume business and I cashed out.

Hahahaha. Tell me.

It was my boyfriend that encouraged me sha. I was in a country that had a large perfume market. Mostly the rich Arabian ones. I came home yearly for holidays and bought them as gifts for people. You know, you must bring gifts when you’re abroad even as a student.

Hahaha. How much did you make from your biggest stash of sales?

Over a 100k. But I was a bad businesswoman, I still am. Just learning the ropes better now.

How much was your markup?

The fact that I don’t know the meaning of markup shows how much I need to learn when it comes to business. But I’ll explain how it worked.

The business was on a pre-order basis; I used to buy monthly and send. So let’s say I buy for 20k and sending it costs about ₦10k or ₦15k, I can still make ₦40k or ₦50k from that order. Sometimes it was less, but the more people ordered, the more I made

And the biggest margin you made was ₦100k eh?

At once, yes. But I didn’t save, I spent all that money. I think I came back with only $500 saved up. That was 2018. I ate out a lot and spent it on flimsy things.

What would you consider a flimsy thing?

Seeing something online and purchasing instantly. Buying food, I really ate out a lot and I’ve kind of learnt to reduce that. And Uber in 2018, bruh. I didn’t know how much I was spending until the money finished.

Okay, so 2018. Back in Nigeria. What came next?

Major life hit. I had plans to go somewhere else for Masters’ that year, but most nursing postgraduate programmes require experience. So I had to accept my fate and start the journey as a nurse trained outside the country

Another mad-fest.

This is Sparta.

Nursing is only just gaining some respect in Nigeria, so a lot of things are still not in place. You come back, and then register with the Nursing Council, get posted to any of the Nigerian unis and do a conversion course – this is for all medical professions. I don’t know but maybe they think we don’t go through enough courses outside Nigeria, so they want us to experience the suffer-head. I was posted to another school, took the course and then the exam. I passed. Phase one over.

This might be coming late, but congratulations.

Thank you! By the way, I started another business in 2018; a skincare brand, sort of. It started with me giving people something I was using for my skin that was locally made by women in the country I schooled in. I brought some back to Nigeria and dashed it out. Then people started saying they’ll pay for it. That’s how I started shipping that in. I started with ₦10k but we thank God it’s bigger now. It’s on and off, but definitely more products than I started with.

How has this grown over the years?

Same 2018 mistake, which is that I wasn’t saving. And I wasn’t in uni so no steady income – my dad sent me a monthly allowance in school. A girl still had needs, so my business money was really just to keep me above water.

For a short time, I even went into event planning. I was working and learning with someone while recruiting ushers for events. It was more like freelancing, to be honest. I earned like ₦10k from it, but I was just trying to find myself. The fear of being broke. I finally saved my first ₦100k after 4 to 5 months. Then I started the business so I put that into an investment.

Progress!

Yeah. 2019 was for hunting for a job as regards my career and more customers as regards business. I started at my first job mid 2019 at a government hospital in Lagos.

Congratulations! What was your first salary?

They didn’t pay the first month – something about some Jargons – but by November, it was ₦86k or so I can’t remember. But that has been my take-home since.

What has changed between then and now?

Nothing really. I barely spend my salary. I’m married so he takes care of most of my needs. I try to contribute also but, that be about like 10–20% of my salary once in 2 months, hahaha. But I’m saving up sha, and working on giving my business a boost.

Mad o. God when?

Hahaha, God now.

Saving seems to be quite important to you.

I think it’s because of how we weren’t really brought up to save like that. You get money, keep with mum and she buys something with it. And then personal allowances were to be spent. I think we’d have been better off being more open about money.

Now, this is what I do with my salary every month:
- Save ₦50k
- Send money to my siblings, maybe ₦10-15k
- Or just buy random things, sometimes stuff for the house.
How much do you have saved up now?

I had over ₦200k last week, but business is taking most of it now. Plus I have some investments out there. So these are my fallbacks.

How much will you say you’ve put into investments, and what kind?

All them Agric ones. I have one coming out this July and another one before the year ends. I think I’ve put in about ₦150k in total.

Quick one, has COVID affected work at your hospital at all?

Yes, it has. They said they’ll give us money but we no see am. They just returned tax. Now this month our salary was even reduced without explanation. Only God can save us. Working with the government is an extreme sport. I’m not at Onikan or Yaba, but yes, all health workers are on the frontlines somehow.

The fear is real.

Ah, has there been a case in your hospital yet?

Yeah. I don’t know if they count those with the ones on NCDC.

That is crazy. You’re entitled to some allowances, right? But una never see am.

Exactly. Na just word of mouth. No explanation about the reduction of salaries.

Do you have any clue how much it’s supposed to be?

I really don’t know TBH. But even if it wouldn’t increase, why reduce it.

How has COVID affected business though?

I kind of sold out before the whole lockdown. But it affected me in the exchange rate and shipping/clearance costs of my materials. I can’t quantify how much, but my stash was worth about ₦50k. It could be more, to be honest.

Will the business be able to function with this crisis?

It’s really up to God now, because I started investing more in it before the crisis. I was majorly hit because I paid unexpected shipping that wouldn’t have cost so much if the dollar didn’t hit. My customers are still asking, but I’m hoping they can afford the products because inevitably, the prices will go up.

How much was your last salary?

₦90k. Usually, after working for six months, there is always an increase. I’m not sure how much, but it’s supposed to be over ₦100k at least. Maybe ₦120k with all the hazard allowance we’re supposed to be collecting

I’m curious about how you think about money though, generally.

I think about money as a privilege. And I was kind of brought up not to focus everything on money money money. For me, there’s the spiritual aspect; you can have a lot of money or very little money, what will happen will happen.

Still, I love money, and whenever my account is not looking good to me, I don’t like it.

Hahaha.

A few days ago, I had like ₦1k or so in my account and I had to show my husband, so he could fix-up. He fixed up. Also, my PiggyVest dey always sweet me.

Hahahaha. How much is there currently?

₦166k. Separate from the ₦150k Agric investments. But the money is going into my business soon.

And talking about your husband, how does money work in your relationship?

He does his best, and I chip in once in a while. If he can afford it, he buys it. If I can and I’m WILLING to, I buy it. Huhuhu.

What’s something you really want right now but can’t afford?

I’ve thought about this, but it’s a visa and new passport I want. Besides that, I’m working on being more content. The only other thing that comes to mind is a new phone, and I want my husband to buy that one.

I don’t want to buy it myself. If I buy it, I’ll be broke and remember I don’t like that.

Hahaha. But he won’t be broke?

He won’t be, hahaha. I can live without it too, so no pressure. It’s the passport I need if you know where they’re selling.

What’s the most annoying miscellaneous you’ve paid for recently?

That extra money I had to pay for shipping and clearing. Extra ₦30k above my budget

There’s a major expense from the past year that we haven’t touched. Wedding.

Ohh, yeah. I didn’t really spend anything o. I can’t remember the expenses. My husband paid for most things, plus my parents handled the guests too. It wasn’t a big wedding, so the costs were minimal.

Fair enough. If you had to throw a figure at it, how much will you say it cost though?

Let me ask my husband…

So, my husband spent almost ₦1 million. My parents spent more than that. Chaiiiiii. Small wedding o.

Hahaha. You had no clue.

Nope. Never calculated it. Also, I forgot to add that my mum gave me an investment during my wedding. Gold. I’m not sure what it costs now, but when she bought it, it was like ₦300k. So, my mind feels at ease whenever I remember that. She did me a solid.

Do you have an emergency plan for stuff like health emergencies?

I have in shaa Allah, hahaha. But really, I have my work, although I’m working on a family plan with my husband now though.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the financial happiness

5 maybe. Or 6. I’m at a ‘grateful for hey I have but wouldn’t mind more’ phase. I’m satisfied but not fully, hahaha.

What does bele-full look like for you?

A thriving business and yearly vacations.

Most importantly, a fulfilling nursing career abroad, because it’s hard to have a fulfilling one in Nigeria.

The system is against you.
Fu’ad Lawal

May 25, 2020

Naira Life

Businesswoman, coronavirus, nurse
It’s been two months and chances of Nigerian schools reopening are still pretty slim. Schools across the country were closed to control the spread of the coronavirus in Nigeria. Anyway, we reached out to some Nigerian students and they talked about how much they look forward to going back to school.

Oiza – Ahmadu Bello University

I understand why schools had to be closed, but I’d rather be anywhere but this house. It’s hard enough to study in school, but it’s almost impossible to do that at home. My friends and I even had a study arrangement that lasted for a week. Maybe online learning facilities would have made the difference if they were available, I guess we will never know.

I’m tired of this house. Stress. No power. No privacy. Every single move I make is judged with one impossible standard. I’m cut off from people who understand. It’s very messed up and I’m tired. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve cried. I’m prepared for the Fs I’ll have after this extended break. It’s like ASUU strike, except you can’t blame the FG this time. I’m really looking forward to returning to school and getting my freedom back. Go on late night walks with friends. And oh, did I mention the school Wi-fi?

Gamaliel – University of Lagos

News of the closure was a punch to the gut. I knew I would be cut off from my allowance and that didn’t sound like it would be fun for me. Besides, home is somewhat far, so getting myself here was a chore. At the moment, I’m running on pure vibes. Do I want schools to reopen? Absolutely! That would make my life easier. I would get my allowance back, to start with. Then my freedom. And I would be reunited with my girl. Strangely enough, I miss everything about school — the lectures, the tests and exams. I’ve now realised that I love education so much.

Eseosa – University of Port Harcourt

You should have seen how eager I was to go home when this entire thing started. To me, home meant one important thing — food. Everything was great for a while, but now I know the novelty has worn off and it’s beginning to look like a punishment. I’m not going to lie, my school work has suffered. I’ve spent close to two months at home and I only started studying this week. So yes, the only place I want to be right now is my school. The best thing that could possibly happen to me right now is Nigerian schools reopening. For starters, I miss my friends, ugh! I miss living alone, I can’t take the see-finish in this house anymore.

Rebecca – Kwara State University

I was livid when the school got closed. I mean, corona is not yet to play, but I was supposed to begin exams in a week, and everything got cancelled. That was really painful. I’m too comfortable at home, and it’s affecting how I study. And I don’t think virtual learning would have helped because physical classes are not 100 per cent effective at all times, now what are the chances that virtual learning would do better? Anyway, I have only one wish at the moment — and it is for schools to reopen, so I can write my exams and get it over it.

Rajunor – University of Calabar

For some reason, I didn’t think this situation was going to last this long. I wasn’t even going to come home as I didn’t see the point. But here we are. I’m doing a lot of things at home, but studying is not one of them. There’s always one thing to do or the other. I won’t say I’m excited about returning to school right now though. I’m really indifferent about it. But if it happens, I excited about attending lectures. We’ve lost a lot of time already, so I know there’s going to be quite a rush when the school gates are finally open. It’s somewhat scary, but I think I’m prepared for that.

While we wait for Nigerian schools reopening, you can catch up on some Aluta and Chill stories in the box below

Find more Aluta and Chill Stories by clicking this box.

Toheeb Lanlehin

May 22, 2020

Aluta and Chill

coronavirus, Nigerian Universities, students
Coronavirus Conspiracy Theories

It’s safe to say that Miss Rona‘s arrival threw the world headfirst into chaos. A lot of people currently existing have never lived through a pandemic, and the fact that new things keep being discovered about the virus every day has left people confused and scared as shit.

Then there are the people who believe they have everything figured out. They have bogus theories about Rona V’s origin story and will tell anyone who will listen…usually on Facebook because the people on there find these garbage theories easy to believe for some reason.

1) That the virus is being caused by 5G towers.

Just because the rollout of 5G was happening at the same time COVID-19 hit, conspiracy theorists insist that 5G towers and Lady Corona are connected. Which is insane because it’s biologically impossible for a virus to spread via the electromagnetic spectrum (the spectrum is made up of wave/protons while viruses are comprised of proteins and nucleic acids). That didn’t stop them from burning down 5G towers in the UK though.

2) Bill Gates is responsible for everything. (The Gates of Hell)

Anti-Vaxxers saw a video of a 2015 Ted Talk given by Bill Gates where he spoke about the (then) Ebola outbreak and warned of a future pandemic. They took this to mean that Bill had foreknowledge of Mistress Orona’s world tour and declared that the whole thing was Bill’s evil plan to force vaccinations on everyone on the planet. When it became news that Bill is currently funding COVID-19 vaccine research, the theory evolved to include a plan to depopulate Africa and use the vaccine program to inject microchips into people that could be used to track and control them.

Keep in mind that Daddy Bill has been involved in vaccine research funding for decades. If he wanted to serve Captain Planet villain realness, he would’ve done so a long time ago.

3) That the virus was created by China as a biological weapon.

The first version of this one involved the virus being created in a lab by the Chinese and then somehow getting out, à la Resident Evil. That wasn’t juicy enough though so it evolved to include a subplot of China creating it as a bioweapon. Thanks to genetic sequencing, this has been debunked.

4) That the virus isn’t real.

Some people believe the virus is a hoax and the governments of the world are using the fear to take away our freedom. This particular theory is so strong that it has inspired anti-lockdown protests in the US. At this rate, they’re all going to end up like the guy in the meme above.

5) That the current infection/death numbers are inflated.

With the way this virus spreads, there is every chance that a ton of deaths have happened that the government doesn’t even know about. Don’t dull yourself.

On today’s episode of Zikoko’s one-minute series, Isolation Diary, the host tackles conspiracy theories and has a message for the people who believe in them blindly. Check it out below:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CAKoBaYlZGS/

Coronavirus Conspiracy Theories

Astor George

May 14, 2020

Pop

Conspiracy Theory, coronavirus, covid-19
Let’s start with this video from the MD of Access Bank:

Access Bank MD. smh. pic.twitter.com/xsBjGRDDPm
— Poju (@pojugreat) April 30, 2020

Access Bank lean measures may affect 75% of its staff.

All those lost jobs in the middle of this crisis. Security men, tea boys, cleaners.

The CEO offered to take a 40% pay cut.

I prefer not to speak.

People had this to say about the video:

I can’t deal.

Access Bank will hire Zlatan and pay him 10 Million just to come and scream "Ayiiiiiiiiiiiii" but then sack staff who graduated from tough Universities with First Class, staff that they were paying 75k. Let me hear anybody tell me that Education is the key again 😒
— Dr Penking™🇳🇬🇦🇺 (@drpenking) May 3, 2020

Interesting.

1. Access Bank started its restructuring much to the horror of the general public. Well, its for self-preservation.

Most banks have their fortunes tied to fluctuations in global oil prices considering that about a third of all credits they extend to the economy are directed to
— Morris Monye (@Morris_Monye) May 2, 2020

Another perspective.

Twitter you people won't kill me on this app. I was scared to watch the video.

Like what could he have said that was so terrible? My heart was beating. And then this is it??

This is unfortunate, but necessary, Access isn't lean, costs are too high..compare to GT. https://t.co/HnBOKmFdhU
— Dr Ola Brown (@NaijaFlyingDr) May 1, 2020

In response to the video, the Central Bank released this circular:

No bank shall retrench or lay-off staff in any cadre:

Plug it to my veins. Whew.

Access Bank sha tried to do control damage and they said this:

The silver lining here is that Access Bank can’t take any action without the approval of the Central Bank. So, all we can do is wait and see what happens in the coming days. I surely hope they find an amicable middle ground for both business and employees.

While we wait, it’s important that we all keep safe and take all the necessary precautions needed to beat this virus. Stay at home if you can.

We are all in this together!

If you need to relax your mind away from stressful things, read the stack below:

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

May 4, 2020

Citizen

access bank, coronavirus, covid19inLagos, staff
Due to the Coronavirus pandemic, most of the world is currently on lockdown. Some people are trapped with family, while others are with lovers. However, there are also a bunch of people who are all alone.

So, we asked 5 Nigerians who live by themselves to share what the experience has been like for them. From a gradual loss of sanity to crippling loneliness, the past few weeks have not been easy.

James, 27/Male

I recently moved to England, and I was gradually adjusting. Even my homesickness was reducing. I had a routine, a few friends I liked, a Master’s course I was enjoying and a new relationship that was blossoming.

Then the lockdown happened. I’m restless and bored all the time now. Taking walks and going to the supermarket are now the highlights of my week. Calling friends is also a struggle. I just don’t have anything to say.

Granted, I feel a little less stressed, but the whole situation is still draining. I had a few job opportunities that are now gone. I really hate not knowing what’s going to happen next, but I think everything will be fine eventually.

Boyin, 31/Female

Before the pandemic, I really enjoyed being alone. I could always invite people over or go out with friends if I wanted company. The lockdown has shown me that I only enjoyed my solitude because I was in control of it.

Now, I’m constantly looking for ways to entertain myself. I’ve been talking to myself a lot more because I normally enjoy telling stories. One day, I acted out an entire play by myself, playing every character. It’s been tough.

The internet and working out have helped a lot, but I’m also sexually frustrated, overspending on data and eating to pass the time. This whole thing has made me realise just how much I took my freedom for granted.

Seni, 25/Male

Staying alone has always been wonderful, and I strongly recommend not having people in your house. Before the pandemic, I could see my friends, get high whenever I wanted and have unlimited sex.

The lockdown has taken away the friends and the sex, but electricity has been really good. I think that’s a fair trade. I’ve also been getting to explore my love for cooking a lot more, and that has been the best part.

Honestly, I appreciate not having to deal with reality or heavy expectations right now — all I have to do is eat and stay alive — but it is a little stressful not knowing when all this will end. Will this be my new normal forever?

Ella, 26/Female

I’m the only child, so I always thought I’d mastered the art of being by myself. This pandemic has made me realise that I’m just as dependent as anyone, and the loneliness is really starting to get to me.

Getting high and masturbating have been helping a lot, but I think I’m starting to overdo both. I also love video calling my friends and parents, but it can’t compare to real human contact. If I don’t get a hug soon, I might die.

Chidi, 29/Male

Before the pandemic, I was barely home alone. I was usually at work. Then I’d spend most weekends with my girlfriend. I really only ever had extended periods of time to myself on select weekends and public holidays.

Now, I’m here all day and it’s not too bad, until konji strikes. I’ve been cooking a lot more than I used to and watching Netflix. I also have a few books I’m saving for when Netflix inevitably gets boring.

While I don’t miss the body odour of Lagosians and being harassed by SARS, I do hate not being able to see my friends and loved ones. I also hate how scared and alone I felt when those robbery reports started.

NerdEfiko

April 27, 2020

Inside Life

alone, coronavirus, Nigerian
COVID-19 Dreams

Since the lockdown started, I’ve been having strange dreams. I didn’t think too much of them at first because my dreams are usually bizarre. But as the lockdown went on, they got even more batshit. This got me wondering if this spike in the weirdness of my dreams had a connection to the mental effects of the lockdown (it totally does). And because I’m an amebo, it also got me wondering what kind of weird dreams other people were having.

So I went ahead and asked around. I’ll start.

Astor, 1#

“Two weeks ago, I had a dream that I was watching an R-rated version of the 2020 movie, ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’. And because of the way dreams work (where you’re sometimes in them as opposed to just observing), I was IN the movie, running around frantically with everyone else as Doctor Robotnik violently killed people in a bid to draw Sonic out of hiding. Why is this a weird dream? I haven’t even watched Sonic the Hedgehog in real life!”

Nnamdi, 30

“I was at a house party, watching myself dance when someone ran up to me (not me exactly but the version of myself I was watching), grabbed me, and screamed, ‘YOUR EYES ARE HURTING BECAUSE YOU HAVE CURRENT EYES!’. Immediately after this, I woke up in a haze. I picked up my phone, googled ‘current eyes’ to see if it meant something (it doesn’t btw), and went back to sleep.”

Victoria, 25

“I think the strangest dream I’ve had in the last few weeks was the one where mop hairs started growing out of my crotch in place of pubic hair. Yeah, like the mops for cleaning floors. It was horrifying! The more I cut them, the more they grew. I shaved so hard until I began bleeding. It was just like that scene in ‘X-Men: The Last Stand’ where Angel’s father walks into the bathroom and finds him frantically cutting off his wings with a knife. It was so random and disturbing. I still haven’t been able to look at mops the same way.”

Bimpe, 21

“I was going on vacation with my family to London. To show you how detailed this dream was, I knew in the dream that we were flying with KLM. Got on the plane and fell asleep. Next thing I knew, I woke up in Accra. Before I could find out what was going on, I fell asleep again and woke up in Kinshasa. We went straight from the airport to a nice big house where a wedding was taking place. I wandered off during this wedding and got lost in the house. As I was trying to find my way out, I woke up. I’ve never been to the Republic of the Congo or Ghana.”

Dapo, 32

“I had sex with 8 men on the same night. Look, I’m not a child. I’ve had sex dreams before but not on this level. What made this weirder is that it wasn’t at an orgy or something. It happened in quick succession. It was like a series of dreams. Every time I woke up from one sex dream and went back to sleep, there would be another guy (my spec) waiting to rock my world. I messed up my hip IN THESE DREAMS because of all the thrusting. Best sex of my life (real or imaginary)! I would not mind one (or all) of those guys returning at some point sha. I can’t go out because of Corona but body no be firewood. And there’s only so much your hands can do, you know? Lol”

COVID-19 Dreams

COVID-19 Dreams

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

April 21, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, dreams, lockdown
As the world continues to fight COVID-19 and implement new routines to curb its spread we on the other hand are learning more about ourselves. Here’s a list of 7 ingenious things COVID-19 has taught Nigerians;

1. There are lot of dirty people among us.

Proven by the fact that before this pandemic hit, bath time was the only time people actually washed their hands. And don’t even get us started on the special demographic of people that no longer bath since they won’t be leaving their houses.

2. There’s a lot about our planet that we still don’t know yet.

We are in 2020 and no one knew about COVID-19 until just last year. Anyone else wondering what else lies in the unknown? 5 months later and we still don’t know a cure or vaccine yet.

3. Health workers are the real heroes.

Of course by now you must already know this. They are the ones at the forefront of this war against COVID-19, showing up daily and working round the clock to keep people safe and treat infected patients.

4. We need to stop eating in the rubbish.

There’s a reason “edible” is a word. First the Ebola Virus, and now this new Coronavirus. The message is clear, stop eating in the nonsense please.

5. Healthcare is the most important sector.

Barely 4 months into the fight against COVID-19 and health care systems around the world are already overwhelmed. If we had pumped more into the healthcare sector we would be more equipped against this virus.

6. A lot of people are willing to believe anything and everything.

Ergo; 5G conspiracy theorists, whatsapp broadcasts envoys, social media people constantly talking in the nonsense about further nonsense.

7. Men can actually live without sports.

Of course we noticed that it’s almost been 3 months without sports and there has been no single report of a fatal case of Sports Withdrawal Syndrome. Who would have thought people could go 3 months without starting another Messi/Ronaldo debate?

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Blessing Onyelobi

April 14, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, covid 19, lifesty;e
With each passing day in lockdown, we are realising just how important little things like a hair cut or a hug can be. That’s why this meme of Bob-Manuel praying is all of us asking God to give us anything we can manage during these stressful times.

1. “God, even if it’s just a peck on the cheek, I’ll manage.”

I just need some kind of physical contact, abeg.

2. “God, even if it’s just the sound of my barber’s clipper, I’ll manage.”

Even if he will shift in my hairline, I will take it.

3. “God, even if I have to sit in traffic for 5 hours, I’ll manage.”

Stagnant traffic would be better than this prison.

4. “God, even if the club is dead, I’ll manage.”

I don’t even need alcohol. I will still turn up.

5. “God, even if it’s a Vic O concert, I’ll manage.”

I will sing “After Party” with all my energy.

6. “God, even if it’s just N3k someone will dash me, I’ll manage.”

Please, no amount is too small.

7. “God, even if it’s my yeye ex, I’ll manage.”

I’m ready to forgive you.

8. “God, even if it’s just a football training session, I’ll watch.”

I just want to see someone kick a ball.

9. “God, even if the sun will roast me, I’ll manage.”

Fuck my skin. I just miss outside.

10. “God, even if they’ll take hours to reply my text, I’ll manage.”

I’ll take whatever scum I can get.

11. “God, even if it’s just the tip, I’ll manage.”

I can’t take it anymore.

NerdEfiko

April 14, 2020

Inside Life

bob-manuel, coronavirus, lockdown
We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the Covid-19, both in Nigeria and Africa.

Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

As of yesterday, 12/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

Five new cases of #COVID19 have been reported as follows:

2 in Lagos
2 in Kwara
1 in Katsina

As at 09:10 pm 12th April there are 323 confirmed cases of #COVID19 reported in Nigeria. 85 have been discharged with 10 deaths

There are 19 states with confirmed cases in Nigeria pic.twitter.com/hfsRXAaiTQ
— NCDC (@NCDCgov) April 12, 2020

The discharge rate is extremely inspiring and is also a source of hope.

Africa’s Stats:

Visit www.coronafacts.africa for the latest updates on the fight against Corona in Africa.

Today’s dilemma:

Lassa fever is back in Nigeria. This is the worst time for us to battle two highly infectious diseases at once.

Nigeria is also responding to an outbreak of #Lassafever

Lassa fever is a highly infectious disease, primarily transmitted through contact with rats.

Early reporting can save your life. If you have a fever or feel ill, please report to a health facility immediately. pic.twitter.com/HdDSmQnws2
— NCDC (@NCDCgov) April 13, 2020

Follow the NCDC for adequate tips and information on how to stay safe.

Today’s myth debunked:

There is currently no vaccine for the Coronavirus. Please disregard all rumors.

Read the full thing here.

Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

Count all the things you are grateful for. A positive mindset will help during these trying times.

Stay updated:

Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 13, 2020

Citizen

coronavirus, covid-19, Nigeria
Lockdown Diary is a limited Zikoko series that highlights the lives and experiences of Nigerians (and Africans) currently self-isolating due to the coronavirus pandemic.

The subject of today’s Lockdown Diary is a 28-year-old man who postponed his wedding due to the Coronavirus pandemic. He talks about the process, and all the things he and his wife are discovering about each other in isolation.

Day 1: Saturday, 21st of March, 2020.

Today is for sleep and nothing more and I’ll tell you why: planning a wedding is hard. Yesterday, we went to the registry in Ikoyi for our court wedding — the first half of our marriage plans. The original plan was registry first in Lagos and traditional in Port Harcourt, eight days later. At the time, neither me or my wife knew what the Coronavirus pandemic had in mind for us.

Registry was stressful, but we were prepared. We arrived early enough, got our numbers, and stayed in the car so we wouldn’t sweat too much. When it was our turn, we did the necessary things — documentation, exchange of rings, etc. More people turned up than we expected, and if it wasn’t for Coronavirus, perhaps the coordinator would have allowed more people. But everyone is trying their best to flatten the curve, so new measures have to be put in place.

And so today, we spend our time sleeping, collecting our strength. We have not slept properly in a while; preparing for the wedding did not really allow much time for sleep. We go again in eight days, but now, we rest. My mother-in-law is at home with us. She arrived in the morning. She will stay with us until we travel to Port Harcourt for the wedding. While we rest, she makes plantain frittata.

Later in the evening, we watch the news. NCDC announces that 10 new cases of Coronavirus have been confirmed in Nigeria; 3 in Abuja and 7 in Lagos, bringing the total number of infected persons to 22. Only 2 have been discharged. There are no deaths yet. We are anxious about how this affects our wedding plans.

Day 3: Monday, 23rd of March, 2020.

Today, my wife cries because we have finally decided to postpone the traditional wedding. It wasn’t like we did not consider that this would happen before. We knew that we might have to do it, but we kept hoping the virus would blow over. We have spent over 3 million naira on the preparation — could we risk letting that amount go? Before arriving at the decision, we considered the possible alternatives.

a) Make it a close family wedding.

Pros: A bit of money saved.

Cons: Anybody can still fall sick. We’d still have to travel and we have old relatives. So, no.

b) Go ahead with it anyway, but with hand sanitizers as a major part of the event?

Pros: A bit of money saved.

Cons: Still doesn’t guarantee anything.

My wife’s crying is quiet, her shoulders shaking softly. I hold her in my arms and tell her that it’s okay; we are doing the right thing.

Later, we sit in the living room with my mother-in-law. I am on one end of the couch and my wife is on the other end. My mother-in-law sits between us. When we tell her of our decision, she nods her head and says “If that’s what you have decided, then it’s fine. I understand.”

I scroll through Twitter later. The NCDC announces that there are 4 new cases confirmed, bringing the number of infected persons to 40. 2 people have been discharged, 1 person has died. I feel sad, but I know it is just a matter of time before this happens.

Day 4: Tuesday, 24th of March, 2020.

We notify our friends. We send a short note telling them that we considered our options and didn’t want to risk people’s lives, so it was best to postpone indefinitely.

Hello guys,

The COVID 19 pandemic has moved beyond control. My wife and I do not want to risk the health of anyone. No one can guarantee that we will all travel to Port Harcourt and back without catching the virus. We cannot put anyone at risk. But every single one of you has spent money and time and made plans so this decision is really difficult. We stayed up going over every possible scenario. So we have decided to postpone indefinitely. We are deeply sorry for any inconvenience caused, we also understand how difficult refunds can be, if you would like us to refund transport or accommodation plans made, please send me a message privately. We know we cannot give you back time lost. Once again, we are deeply sorry.

Once this is done, we look at what we would lose — mostly money. We call the planner and tell her to pause on buying drinks and stuff. It is a little too late. She has bought most drinks, souvenirs, done part-payment for the venue, decorations, photographer, and hotel. A lot of the vendors say they already bought items and refunds are impossible. Our flight tickets are nonrefundable too, the only option is to suspend the flight and then see if we can use or resell them.

We call my father-in-law and tell him about the new change in plans. He is very understanding. He says there is no problem. The update comes that evening: 2 new cases; 1 in Abuja, 1 in Bauchi. Both cases have travel history to Germany and the UK. There are now 44 confirmed cases in Nigeria. 2 discharged, 1 death. It’s all very scary.

Day 6: Thursday, 26th of March, 2020.

My mother-in-law returns to her house today. But before she leaves, she stocks us up with food. She is a chef; cooking is what she likes doing, what she gets paid to do. And so when she leaves us, we have a fridge full of Afang soup, Editan, Egusi, stew. We make some pancakes for breakfast and drink tea to wash it down. Afterwards, we head out of the house to do some furniture shopping. Nothing much: a dresser and office chairs for the workroom.

It is a warm day, the sun coming up slowly. Even with news of the pandemic and the daily increase in the number of infected persons, Lagos is still Lagos. It is still as hectic, people plying their trades, vehicles doing their thing, people rushing to their various destinations. One is almost tempted to think that they don’t know about Coronavirus or maybe they simply do not care.

We make a stop at Spar. We realise that they are only letting five people in at a time. Thank God, these ones care about human lives, we say. We don’t stay long though. We find what we need — a dresser — at Bedmate in Opebi. These ones give us face masks to wear. We go all around Allen looking for office chairs. We sanitize our hands more times than we can count. It is a hectic day. Even after finding the chairs, ordering two Ubers to transport everything we bought and getting home around 6pm, we realise that we left the screws for the chairs at the shop. Double wahala.

We take a shower and try to relax. We warm some afang soup and make semo to go with it. After eating, we watch some television. I scroll through Twitter once in a while. The #BuhariChallenge is trending. 65 confirmed cases in Nigeria and the president has not addressed the country. Where, really, is Buhari?

Day 8: Saturday, 28th of March, 2020.

Today, my wife notices that I’m ticklish. We are lying in bed, watching a movie, when her leg touches my rib by mistake. I jerk. She notices, and it dawns on her that I am ticklish. We have lived together for two years and a few months. In all those years, she hasn’t tickled me before. I don’t know why this has never happened. Maybe an opportunity didn’t present itself. But now she knows, and she won’t stop tickling and laughing at me.

For the first time since we’ve been together too, I notice that my wife likes to watch Korean movies while playing Candy Crush on her phone. She does both at the same time. When she watches Netflix, she divides the screen into two. On one side, she watches the movie. On the other side, she plays Solitaire. It’s nice to notice things about your partner that you’ve never noticed before.

I tease her about this, and then I watch with her. We cuddle up. Somewhere in the house, our cat does his own thing: intermittent purring, a nibble at his food, sleep.

On Twitter, the NCDC update shows that the numbers are skyrocketing: 8 new cases, bringing the confirmed number to 97. How did we get here?

Day 9: Sunday, 29th of March, 2020.

President Buhari is said to address us by 7pm today. We wonder what he will say. In the meantime, we work, eat, nap — our routine since the beginning of this social distancing.

I realise that our neighbours make a lot of noise. It feels like they are constantly redecorating. Everytime, we hear them moving big stuff about. I don’t want to blame them. The day after we bought our own furniture too, a carpenter came to make a shelf, table and a cat litter container. Someone from Bedmate also came to put the dresser together. Who knows, they could also have said that we were making too much noise.

I realise that the water in the dispenser finishes way faster than I thought. Is this an effect of staying at home or do we just drink a lot of water naturally?

By 7pm, Buhari addresses the country. We catch the highlights on Twitter: a 14-day lockdown. Oh well, additional stay at home time for us. Not that we go out that much anyway. We are homebodies; going out for us is likely a drink and a movie. And maybe Chinese food.

In a way, we feel excited about this lockdown. Among other things, it means that working from home is now ascertained. We don’t have to worry that either of us will be called to come in to work. Not that working from home is any fun too. If anything, it feels different, more hectic. There’s the constant need to prove to them that you are working. Even though we have a work room, it does not necessarily mean that everything is easy. Usually, we are out of the house by 6am and we return around 8pm. Now, I wake up as early as 8am and work all the way to 11pm.

In our free time, we play a bit. We talk about our court wedding. Almost 10 days after, and we are yet to get our photos and videos. Coronavirus changed everything. Perhaps it might have changed the court wedding too, if we fixed it for a later date.

There are now 111 confirmed cases. April is around the corner. We wonder if the curve will flatten or if there’ll be more cases.

Day 10: Monday, 30th of March, 2020.

The sound of children playing in the yard wake us today. They should be in school, but unfortunately, the lockdown keeps them at home. In spite of the noise, everything is quiet. We no longer hear the sound of cars passing, and it’s easy to hear other things: people fighting in the midnight, someone practicing on a piano.

At noon, my wife wears make-up in preparation for a #DontRushChallenge that her friends forced her to do. It’s things like these that fill the long days.

When all this is over, we look forward to resuming life normally. We’ll plan our honeymoon, go out to the movies, catch our breath. We are still navigating this phase, seeing how much we can take. If anything, this phase has drawn us together as a couple. It is a new hurdle for us, one that we will surmount together.

Check back every Sunday by 1 pm for new stories in the Lockdown Diary column. If you have an experience to share and would like to appear on this series, kindly reach out to me: kunle@bigcabal.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Kunle Ologunro

April 12, 2020

Lockdown Diary

coronavirus, insidelife, isolation, lockdown, self-isolation
We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the COVID-19, both in Nigeria and Africa.

Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

As of yesterday, 9/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

Fourteen new cases of #COVID19 have been reported in Nigeria: 13 in Lagos and 1 in Delta State

As at 09:30 pm 9th April there are 288 confirmed cases of #COVID19 reported in Nigeria. Fifty-one have been discharged with seven deaths pic.twitter.com/DuP2SGUiTy
— NCDC (@NCDCgov) April 9, 2020

Compared to yesterday, the discharge stats are encouraging.

Africa’s Stats:

Visit www.coronafacts.africa for the latest updates on the fight against Corona in Africa.

Today’s dilemma:

As part of the efforts by the Nigerian Government to stop the spread of COVID-19, is there going to be a nationwide lockdown? We’ll know after the meeting today with President Buhari.

Read the full thing here.

The Ministry of Power also had this to say:

https://twitter.com/PowerMinNigeria/status/1248520355846721536?s=20

Nigeria, which way?

Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

Follow one or more of these tips to boost your immunity. Stay at home but also stay healthy.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-wyHYwFVE8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Stay updated:

Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 10, 2020

Citizen

Africa, coronavirus, covid-19, Nigeria
Imagine you were working in digital communications until you lost your job in late 2019.

After losing your job, your wife delivers a baby. Complications from the delivery puts your family in a bad financial situation. You had to empty the family savings to pull through. Early this year, you start to drive Uber/Taxify to make ends meet. Your wife also starts a fashion outfit to support household income.

Then comes the coronavirus and the whole economy stops. You have to stop driving and your wife closes the shop because everyone has to stay at home. This lack of daily income further worsens your already bad financial situation. In all of this, there’s a baby that needs to be fed.

This is the true-life story of one of the many Nigerians affected by the coronavirus pandemic.

The coronavirus has paralysed economic activities in Nigeria resulting in the shut down of many businesses. This is as a result of a Government-ordered lockdown in two major cities — Abuja and Lagos — as part of its efforts to slow down the coronavirus. The implication of this is that many Nigerians, who live hand-to-mouth and rely on daily income, have suddenly found themselves in scary financial conditions.

Their only hope right now is that they receive a donation from an Angel. Not a real-life Angel but one of the many Angels who are willing to help on the Angels Among Us website.

Individuals and organisations have organised relief drives to help some of the people affected by the lockdown. This drive usually involves fundraising, buying of food, and distribution to those in need. Inspired by a need to also help out, the Angels Among Us idea was born.

What makes the Angels Among Us different is that it removes the need for a middle man who raises funds and distributes. Instead, it connects the helper directly with the person in need. Justin Irabor, the creator, says he chose this model because while looking for a way to help Nigerians during this crisis, he favoured a model that wasn’t limited by his personal time and capacity to disburse. That is how much time he had to spare to collect and share funds. “I wanted a solution beyond my personal limitations: an infinite pool of people helping an infinite amount of people without needing a middle man to drive the process,” he said.

Justin Irabor.

When asked about the idea behind the name, Justin said: “I was inspired by the idea of supernatural beings living like human beings; taking danfo to work and back, eating, and doing regular stuff. So, after cycling through several names, I settled on Angels Among Us – because it brought back that image of regular people ascending to the status of angels as they helped people who didn’t even know them.”

Nigeria is a low trust society where people are raised to be wary of each other because everyone wants to get ahead of the other person. To prevent fraud and to increase trust, there’s a photo verification section. People who need help share a photo of themselves holding a piece of paper with their name and account details on it. And while he knows that this can be gamed, “most people don’t game it because they understand the binding principle here – honesty from the asker attracts kindness from the giver,” he said.

In addition, they also verify that the name in the photo matches the bank account name supplied. There are also phone calls to people seeking help to get more context and verify more details. This process he says is handled by a network of volunteers (nicknamed ‘archangels’) working tirelessly. While they have verified a few hundred people so far, not everyone passes their process.

“Very soon, there are plans to implement BVN verification through an established payment service provider and this will add another layer of security to the program,” he said.

There are also plans to explore other methods of payment for people who do not have bank accounts. Work is ongoing to create a platform that can handle multiple payment types like Paga, O-pay, etc. But this may take a while.

The best part of this project for him, has been discovering the kindness of people. He admits to being cynical by default so the kindness of people has been positively overwhelming. “Being able to write the software for this cause has also been satisfying,” he added.

“The reason I do interviews with publications like Zikoko is to encourage people to use the platform by building trust,” he said. “To increase transparency, I have also made myself more publicly accessible for questioning. There is also a Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) page angelsamong.us/faq that addresses this skepticism. Furthermore, the team is setting up a communications unit (made up of volunteers) who will start sending reports and updates on what’s happening internally. We want to ensure accountability.”

In the age where social distancing is the rule, Justin understands something fundamental; If Nigerians hope to beat this illness, then we must band together and pull resources. This is because the effects of the virus on the economy are more familiar to many Nigerians than the novel virus itself. His ultimate aim is “to ensure that helping anyone affected by this pandemic is as easy as clicking a button.”

If you would like to be a part of this initiative, you can either choose to donate by clicking here. Or by sharing this article with someone that can help.

Together, we can beat this!

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 9, 2020

Citizen

charity, coronavirus, covidd-19, kindness
We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the COVID-19, both in Nigeria and Africa

Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

As of yesterday, 8/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

Twenty-two new cases of #COVID19 have been reported in Nigeria: 15 in Lagos, 4 in the FCT, 2 in Bauchi, 1 in Edo

As at 09:00pm 8th April there are 276 confirmed cases of #COVID19 reported in Nigeria. Fourty-four have been discharged with six deaths pic.twitter.com/Z7W9nJNowS
— NCDC (@NCDCgov) April 8, 2020

There is an increase in the number of new cases when compared to yesterday’s numbers.

Africa’s Stats:

Visit www.coronafacts.africa for the latest updates on the fight against Corona in Africa.

Equipment and personnel update:

As part of its effort to support the fight against this pandemic, China is sending medical delegates to African countries. Despite protests from the Nigerian Medical Association, the party sent to Nigeria landed yesterday. Along with manpower and expertise, they also brought along essential equipment Nigeria desperately needs.

Read the full thing here.

Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

Try to sleep as early as you can. Pick a fixed time everyday and turn off all your devices.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rQlD2l3Ts/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Stay updated:

Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

Today’s distraction:

We know the news can be overwhelming so why not watch this to relax a bit.

Come back tomorrow by 12 pm for more updates and tips on COVID-19. We will beat this!

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 9, 2020

Citizen

coronavirus, covid-19, pandemic
1. You, after eating your 7th meal before 6pm:

I clearly need help.

2. What your sink looks like right now:

Those plates better get up and wash themselves.

3. When you smell yourself after refusing to bath for days.

I’ve not even done anything, why am I smelling?

4. You, after eating all your lockdown snacks in one day:

I’m clearly a clown.

5. You, gisting with your wall after day 10:

“So, what’s it like holding up the roof?”

6. Your brain every 10 seconds:

You know what time it is.

7. You, having your third mental breakdown in the day:

Somebody save me.

8. When you see people online going out and ignoring the lockdown.

So, me that I’m at home, I’m daft?

9. When you see people enjoying lockdown with their partners.

Get out of my face with your love.

10. You, trying to convince yourself to work out:

“Just do one jumping jack, bro.”

11. When you realise your feet haven’t touched the floor in days.

Get your shit together.

12. You, trying to remember what day of the week it is:

Is it Saturday or Thursday?

13. You, watching your house shrink with each passing day:

Has my house always been this small?

NerdEfiko

April 9, 2020

Inside Life

abuja, coronavirus, Lagos, lockdown, Nigeria
We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the COVID-19, both in Nigeria and Africa

Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

As of yesterday, 7/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

Sixteen new cases of #COVID19 have been reported in Nigeria: 10 in Lagos, 2 in the FCT, 2 in Oyo, 1 in Delta and 1 in Katsina

As at 09:30 pm 7th April there are 254 confirmed cases of #COVID19 reported in Nigeria. Fourty-four have been discharged with six deaths pic.twitter.com/UlDvzM3cUZ
— NCDC (@NCDCgov) April 7, 2020

The discharge rate is still very inspiring.

Africa’s Stats:

Visit www.coronafacts.africa for real-time updates on the numbers in Africa.

Vaccine Update:

There have been racist remarks suggesting that Africa serves as a testing ground for the Coronavirus. The Director-General of the World Health Organization; Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus has come out to say such a thing will not happen. He has also rebuked the French doctors who suggested this.

Read the full thing here.

Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

Don’t text your ex. This too will pass. Here are other things you can do to kill time.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-o6YqblC-7/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Stay updated:

Stay updated with the latest and factually correct news on COVID-19 by visiting Coronafacts.africa. Our brand new site for the most interactive and easy to read Corona updates.

Because we love you:

We made some of the best explainer videos in various languages like Yoruba, Pidgin, Hausa, Igbo, Esan. Click here to get started.

Enjoy the pidgin version below:

Come back tomorrow by 12 pm for more updates and tips on COVID-19. We will beat this!

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 8, 2020

Citizen

Africa, coronavirus, Nigeria
We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the Covid-19, both in Nigeria and globally.

Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

As of yesterday, 6/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

Six new cases of #COVID19 have been reported in Nigeria: 2 in Kwara, 2 in Edo, 1 in Rivers and 1 in the FCT

As at 09:30 pm 6th April there are 238 confirmed cases of #COVID19 reported in Nigeria. Thirty-five have been discharged with five deaths pic.twitter.com/jmChydhtas
— NCDC (@NCDCgov) April 6, 2020

The discharge ratio has increased which is encouraging, but there is also an increase in the number of new cases. We wait and observe.

Worldwide stats:

We are experiencing a worldwide increase in both new cases and death rates.

Today’s good news:

In the battle against the greatest virus which is misinformation, this is good news:

One giant leap for the truth. Read the full thing here.

Zikoko’s pro-tip for the day:

Stay home if you have no important reason to leave your house today. Here are some tips on how to occupy your time.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rQlD2l3Ts/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Stay updated:

Stay updated with the latest and factually correct news on COVID-19 by visiting Coronafacts.africa. If you need a reason to visit, just know that we are endorsed by the Africa Centre for Disease Control. 😎

In partnership with @AfricaCDC, we are happy to announce funding support for 8 companies focused on the delivery of vetted #COVID19 information in multiple languages, to educate and curb the spread of misinformation.

Read more about the projects: https://t.co/f7bmsbNcA3 pic.twitter.com/LwDocDQrwU
— Co-creation HUB (CcHUB) Limited (RC 918335) (@Cc_HUB) April 4, 2020

Because we love you:

We made some of the best explainer videos in various languages like Yoruba, Pidgin, Hausa, Igbo, Esan. Click here to get started.

Come back tomorrow by 12 pm for more updates and tips on COVID-19. We will beat this!

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 7, 2020

Citizen

coronavirus, covid-19, Nigeria
The coronavirus pandemic means that the whole world has changed. Not only has everybody been encouraged to stay home but social distancing has been enforced and even some airports have been closed. Nobody knows for certain when everything will get back to normal.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, you may be worried. Your world will have been turned upside down. You rely on planning regular trips to see your partner and now this is all up in the air. You’re going to have a lot more time on your hands, from working at home to playing slots and video games. But there are some ways that you can get through this difficult time. Here are some tips on how to make a long-distance relationship work during COVID-19.

1) Create a routine for communication.

If you’ve been in a long-distance relationship for a while, you may already have a routine when it comes to communication. This type of relationship already takes work, depending on how far you live apart. But if you don’t have a routine, now is when you need one. Let each other know when you’ll text or call them. It’s best to create certain times in the day that you know you’ll talk to your partner. You can stay busy and then dedicate this time to them. Make sure you communicate how you’re feeling and try to focus on the good things in life. This can keep you motivated indoors.

2) Enjoy virtual dates

Just because you can’t see your partner doesn’t mean you can’t make plans! Coronavirus means that you’re going to have to think outside the box. This means planning dates over video calling. Chat over dinner or get a drink just like you would in a restaurant and take the time out your day to communicate and talk to each other. You can talk like normal and enjoy better communication that you can by text message or even over a phone call. You can even play games with each other online.

3) Send Surprises

There are still ways you can have fun and surprise your partner. For example, you can use online businesses to send them flowers, food or other gifts. You can make things exciting and put a smile on their face even from across the country. It’ll require a little more effort but it’ll be worth it. Your partner will appreciate the effort you’re making to keep things exciting for each other.

4) Make Plans

Nobody knows for certain when lockdowns and social distancing will end. But it will and any restrictions you’re experiencing now will change. So, this means you’re entitled to make plans with your partner. This can keep you motivated and giving you something to look forward to in the long term. Therefore, make plans of when you’ll see each other next. It’s best to avoid booking flights or activities, but create temporary dates and make plans. This can help you get through the difficult times and know that they’ll end.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

April 6, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, dating
One more 5G network conspiracy theory and I will be sick. Do you know what kills faster than fear? Wrong information.

There is a fraudulent message being passed around on Whatsapp that 5G network causes Coronavirus and that’s just tragic. The message is spreading faster than it takes for souvenirs to finish at a Yoruba wedding, so that’s alarming.

Yesterday, the Nigeria Communications Commission which is tasked with providing efficient communication services in the country debunked rumors that 5G is linked to Coronavirus.

Here are some important points from the briefing:

What is 5G network?

In summary, 5G is 4G’s elder brother.

Should I be worried about 5G?

Nothing to be worried about.

Does 5G cause Coronavirus?

No, it doesn’t.

Who owns 5G network?

It belongs to no one and it also belongs to everyone.

I hope with these few points of mine, I have been able to convince and not confuse you that 5G is not our problem. As Nigerians, we have endless options of problems to pick from so let’s not manufacture non-existent ones.

Take your mind off all these wahala and get lost in articles of happiness below:

Click here for happy thoughts.

Hassan Yahaya

April 6, 2020

Citizen

5g, coronavirus, Nigeria
If you’re trying to find your perfect partner, you may think this isn’t going to be possible during the coronavirus pandemic. Sure, you won’t be able to go on a face-to-face date at your local restaurant or enjoy a walk in the park. Social distancing has put a spanner in the works. However, it’s still possible to meet your soulmate during this time through following our steps.

1) Start Online Dating

It’s no secret how popular online dating has become. It’s become the new way to meet people in a modern and busy world. This means it’s still possible to meet a partner online. So, once you’re finished scrolling on social media or enjoying sports betting, jump on one of the popular apps. For example, you can try tinder on your mobile device. There are also
websites you can use to meet people in your area.

2) Have a Conversation

Since social distancing means you can’t meet in person to get to know each other, you can still have a conversation online. Make the time to talk to them over the website or app. Ask them questions and get to know them just like you would over dinner. It might take a bit more effort, but you can still see if you like them and if you think it can go anywhere.

If you like them, try giving them your phone number and texting. Often, this is a better way to have a good conversation than being on the app. It can show that you’re interested and aren’t speaking to lots of people at the same time.

3) Try Video Calling

Once you’ve been chatting with somebody for a while, why not video call them? Of course, you can always talk on the phone first and see if you’re able to have an effortless and fun conversation. When you’re more comfortable, you can progress to video calling. This is a good opportunity to see if they’re like their profile and you can get on with them on a personal level. In addition, you can make it like a real date. Grab a drink or something to eat. Dress up and look your best. The first virtual date can still be fun!

4) Make Plans

Yes, you’re social distancing. But this doesn’t mean you can’t make plans for when you’re not. Nobody knows when restrictions will end here or in other countries. It’s likely that things might be this way for a while. But if you start talking to somebody that you believe you have a connection with, start making plans with them. This can give you both something to look forward to. It can make sure that the time you’ve spent chatting wasn’t wasted and it can create some excitement for when the lockdown ends. Of course, make sure that you don’t make any formal arrangements yet. So, don’t book restaurants or flights across the country. If things continue for longer than we thought, this will just leave you disappointed. Instead, make temporary plans with no exact date. When we know more from the government, you can make solid arrangements for the future.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

April 6, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, dating
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing. This is Naira Life. All subjects in this series have chosen to remain anonymous. We’d like you to respect that.

In a little over five years, he’s made a decent living off having ideas and making them travel with people, or for having a depending stream of Instagram comments. Over and over. People like him are called influencers, and this #NairaLife is exploring how the engine works.
Let’s start from when someone first offered to pay you as an influencer.

There are layers to this, layers because I think the first time I actually made money was when I realised that someone was willing to pay to reach my followers. The first time was when someone offered me ₦20k a month just to talk about his brand.

But the real possibilities unlocked for me when someone reached out via email – he’d been trying to reach me apparently – and he said he had a campaign for me at a telco. That gig was ₦200k, and this was 2014.

What did they want you to do?

Just tweet for a couple of days and attend an event. That was the highest money I’d ever made at one at the time, and it just opened my mind to the possibilities proper.

Let’s pretend I have no clue. How does this even work?

I think it has evolved over the years. In the beginning, you were supposed to be just like a billboard, sharing content and all. But to be honest, I realised early that it wasn’t for me. I’m a creator and I wanted my voice to shine too. I started being selective with gigs and being careful about the kind of content I put out.

I started rejecting more, and choosing only things that seemed immersive – I worked at a 9-5 at the time. For example, if you want me to talk about a product, I must use it that product. If you can afford to pay me, then you can afford to give me the product.

So generally, the brand needs the audience and platform, you have the audience. The brand wants to reach them. The brand pays you, and you get the job done for them. Everybody is happy.

Talking about money, tell me about your best gig.

Omo, it depends o. A branch reached out – a pretty big FMCG – and asked me to be on a campaign. So I brought in some of the biggest influencers in Nigeria. I was one of them too, and when you combine how much I was paid, and how much I got as a commission over a cumulative 3 months, I made about ₦6.5 million.

Another one, they asked me to attend an event, posted two tweets, and got ₦200k. Very light work. I consider this one my most lucrative deal, based on the scale of work.

Then a third one was for a program I got invited to. I got sponsored to attend a training outside Nigeria. When you do the math, plus the ₦1.5 million in cash I got, I’d say it cost them about ₦8-₦10 million to engage me. So while the course wasn’t necessarily about influencing, I know I was invited because I’m an influencer.

This is by far my biggest experience and exposure.

Salary earners mostly think of income on a monthlly basis. Wage earners on a weekly basis. How do you and your colleagues think about income?

Because of how frequently campaigns come, I really can’t think too much about structured income on a weekly or monthly basis. For example, I know someone that’s automated ₦20k daily deductions to his savings app. Another person does up to ₦30k.

So yeah, for some people, it’s easy to plan. For me, not so easy. Sometimes, I could get only one campaign in a month or even none. Sometimes, nothing. Sometimes I have a flood, that pays me enough to not look elsewhere for a while.

Also, there are other things I do, so influencing won’t always be my primary source of income.

What else are you doing?

I work with a Digital agency too. That means that I’m working with some of these brands on their campaigns. Helping with Branding and design, and some development work. Also, besides influencing work, I’m also a coordinator of influencers. There’s a thin line, but every now and then, I get to be in the campaign. So you could call that Talent management. I also have a couple of retainers here and there.

How much does this fetch you in a month these days?

Again, because it’s not stable, in a normal month I’d get between ₦500k and ₦1 million, but if I really really try to even out how much I make in a year to a monthly average, it’d be about 1 million a month.

Let’s travel back to your days of fewer zeros and bills. What’s your oldest memory of money?

Ah, it was one time, when we used to live in a “face me, I face you.” One of my neighbours was a bodybuilder, so much so that he actually travelled abroad for a competition once. When he came back, he shared money amongst all of us. I got ₦20 – this was in the early nineties and I was at most 5 years old.

Shout out to that bros. What about the first thing you did for money?

Oh, this one was for an important fee in school, and we didn’t have money to pay. So I had to do some selling petty things to raise money for it. That money was less than ₦2k.

How does this type of leap change affect how you think about money?

Man, it’s a lot of things. First of all, it’s empathy. I understand struggle. I understand poverty. I never look down on people. I’m always trying to put myself in people’s shoes. I’m quite prudent now. I don’t know how to splurge. Like, I stay in a small place, compared to what I earn. It’s only recently I started spending more.

Rather than spend on myself or take things I can afford, I’d rather send money to people or family, instead of myself. You know, I have to marry someone who knows how to enjoy money, because I don’t know how to. Because of my background.

What’s something you want right now, but can’t afford?

I want to buy a house. But the type of house I want, I can’t afford it.

Do you ever wonder what the future looks like financially?

No idea. I kid you not. I just hope I have some stability. While I’m comfortable, I’ll sleep better if I can answer this questions with numbers, not hope. I’m at a crossroads in life right now. And each path has its own possibilities.

But potential outcomes are that; I relocate to my real country or marry someone with a better passport. It could be public service in Nigeria or expanding my business portfolio to include marketing, film production.

This is interesting.

Are you trolling? 5 possible paths when I’m near 30?

Hmm, so you worry about age. Tell me about it.

There are a lot of things. Considering my ‘brand’, there are a lot of things I can’t do anymore. The competition is stiffer now. Younger creators are doing amazing stuff. For me to play in that space, I have to do something different. I worry that as I’m growing older, the opportunities become scarce. So I need to figure out the path.

It’s interesting that you mentioned creators. They clearly play a key role in how we consume entertainment. How much will you say a Taooma would charge for a skit?

Okay, let’s say I’m sending an email to my boss after this story goes live to tell him I’m not doing again. I want to become an influencer. What are my chances of making it?

One thing Social Media has taught me is that nobody knows the next big thing or person. Mr Macaroni started making skits late last year, look at him today.

I don’t know what your chances are, but for anyone who wants to be an influencer, the important questions are; what do you want to influence, how and who is your audience?

Fair enough. Since influencers are mostly driven by what brands pay, and brands aren’t generally in a good place right now because of coronavirus, what’s the scene like the days?

It’s affecting everyone, but some influencers are not as hard hit as others. Brands still want to connect with an audience, so yeah. It’s slow, but it’s not dead-dead. Take for example, I already ‘lost’ four campaigns worth a cumulative ₦1.2 million.

Can’t say why, but everywhere suddenly feels hot around me. Anyway, what was stocking up for the lockdown like for you?

I really don’t know for sure, but I spent less than ₦50k. Wht I currently have should last roughly three weeks if I don’t leave the house, and if I have light. I usually always have food sha, so stocking up was just to make sure all bases are covered.

Many things have stopped, but what expenses haven’t stopped for you?

Rent, of course. Although that is paid annually; ₦500k. I’m moving soon though, so that might climb. Black tax costs me from ₦100k-₦150k monthly. I think all my subscriptions – internet, cable, streaming, and co – cost about ₦50k monthly.

What’s a purchase you made recently that significantly improved the quality of your life?

My old car was giving me too much mechanic trouble, so I bought a car. It cost about ₦5.5 million.

What’s a bad financial decision you made recently?

I invested in someone’s business, but a bunch of forces, like the market and the management, screwed it over. I’m trying to salvage it though, even though it cost me about ₦3.5 million.

Talking about investments, what’s your portfolio looking like?

Online farms. Small business. More farms. In the past year, I’ll say I’ve invested between ₦5 million and ₦6 million.

Let’s talk about financial happiness. On a scale of 1-10.

I’m a 4. I can afford basic things, I’m doing well for myself. I’m ‘comfortable’ – I can have many middle class things like travel. But I’m not comfortable enough to do it sustainably, and at scale.

I feel like – in fact I know that I should be earning way more than I’m currently earning, considering my experience and skillset. But a lot of factors are slowing me down. I’m not happy at the fact that I can’t project. I don’t have a steady source of income where, whatever happens, I know X is earned per month or quarter.

I need to get to the place of financial stability because I can predict. I can start to do things like get a mortgage.

That’s why it’s a 4 because really, I’m doing fine – I haven’t even been broke since 2014. I can do a lot of things that requires money, but the money is limited.

Have you ever imagined what life would look like if things turned out differently?

I sometimes wonder what I’d be doing if I had gotten a job with my Sciences degree. If I wasn’t an influencer. If I had decided to work in public service. I wonder and shake my head at the futility of wondering. You never know these things.

A Poet. Is there something you think I should have asked you but didn’t?

How much I’m worth.

Okay. Tell me. How liquid are you right now?

Probably ₦10 million. That’s it – wait, I have a domiciliary account with $2,000 in it. So let’s just say I probably have ₦11 million all over the place.

Alright alright. That’s enough. I need to go make my skit now. Don’t get in the way of my success.

Hahaha. When you’re done, send it so we can share.
Fu’ad Lawal

April 6, 2020

Naira Life

coronavirus, Influencer, Social media
Lekki Epe Expressway from the pedestrian bridge by Lekki Phase 1.

This is what Lagos without people looks like: there are no cars, so roads are empty, there are no people hustling to get buses to get to work on time, there are no hawkers, no school children, no buses.

I kid you not, the photo above is a road in Lagos, specifically the Lekki Epe Expressway. You’ll only ever see this road this clear during the day a few times in year: Sunday mornings and some public holidays like Christmas or New Year’s. Certainly not on a normal weekday — which was when the photo was taken.

Where did everyone go?

You probably already know this, but a recap is useful nonetheless: a week ago, the Nigerian President, President Buhari addressed Nigeria on the Covid-19 situation and declared a lockdown in Lagos, Abuja and Ogun state due to the rising cases of Covid-19 in these three states. Since then, these three states — especially Lagos the epicenter of traffic — have seen a tremendous change.

Oh there’s more where that came from. Do you recognise any of these places without people or cars?

Here are three of the hottest spots for human and vehicle traffic in Lagos as documented by Ikem Emelieze:

Ikoyi, Lagos:

Falomo underbrige, Ikoyi.

Road Block at Falomo roundabout

Lagos State Waterways, Ikoyi and Falomo Bridge

Victoria Island:

Civic Center, VI

Sheraton Four Points, Oniru

Police car at Oniru with run-flat tires

Oriental Hotel

Moil Headquarters, Victoria Island.

Lekki:

Lekki Phase 1

Lekki toll booth

Lekki

Tantalizer’s Lekki

Going by these photos, Lagos without people looks like the stuff dreams are made of. Can someone tell the Jagaban to include this in the megacity plan?

If you’d like to share photos of your street, road or city post-lockdown from anywhere at all in Nigeria, here’s how: fill this form to do this and we’ll reach out to you. Shout out to Ikem Emelieze for the photos!

Ope

April 5, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, covid-19, Lagos Lockdown
Self-isolating sounds a lot like the opposite of anybody’s best life. How can back to back hanging out with your furniture and window be a best life. It is ridiculously painful, we know. But guess what? There’s a method to these things and we’ve devised one to get you living your best life even while self-isolating from COVID-19.

Grab a pen because you are about to get schooled.

Stock Up On Your Faves

First you need to make sure that your quarantine buddies are all your favs. Especially favorite food. If you’re going to be stuck indoors for a while, it only makes sense that you get stuck with things you actually love. Secure the food yo!

Back Up Your Electricity

By now you must already know that NEPA lives to disappoint. Come through for yourself with your generator. Make sure it is in good shape so that nothing spoils your groove. Then get a big keg and fill it up enough fuel.

Block False News Carriers on Social Media

This is for your own sanity dear. You can’t be living your best life if you keep getting minor heart attacks courtesy of fake alarms from false news casters online.

Subscribe to Zikoko

Yasssss, subscribe and sit back as we keep you informed and entertained. We have the latest updates on COVID-19 too so it’s a total win-win for you. You can also watch our Youtube videos and follow us on social media (Facebook and Instagram) @zikokomag so you don’t miss out on all the fun we’re spreading this period.

Create Your Jamming Playlist

This play list will come through for you when you get bored and just want to dance. Or twerk. Or do both. Think of it as your personalized DJ.

Read a Nice Book

Books are like movies you can watch without a television or electricity. Pretty genius if you ask me. And you probably need to give your eyes a break from all the screen time.

Stay in Touch With Friends and Family

Don’t forget to check up on your friends and family while you’re at it. Now is the time to respond to your mother’s Whatsapp broadcast messages. Just so you’re sure she is also up to date with the latest news on COVID-19

Exercise while indoors

You need to stay active and keep your body in good shape too. At least once a day do some activity like push ups, skipping or even dancing. Dancing is a fun way to exercise. See why you need that playlist?

And while you stay home in comfort and safety, Guardian has put together a useful resource on Coronavirus in Nigeria. Click here to get the latest COVID-19 information in Nigeria.

Blessing Onyelobi

April 2, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, Covid19, lagos state, living your best life, quarantine, self isolating, social distancing
With self-isolation being implemented, a lot of people haven’t gotten laid in a while, and it’s beginning to show — everyone on social media seems much hornier than usual. So, we created a quiz that knows exactly how horny you are right now.

Take to find out:

NerdEfiko

March 31, 2020

Quizzes

coronavirus, horny, isolation, Quiz, Sex
The coronavirus pandemic has affected the world in many very clear and undeniable ways — ranging from loss of life to the devastating economic impact — but one of the less visible ways it has truly taken a toll is on a lot of people’s mental well-being.

From the fear and anxiety that comes with this much uncertainty to the feeling of loneliness that has been exacerbated by self-isolation and social distancing, we asked seven Nigerians to share how the virus has affected their mental health.

Halima, 29 — My Meds Aren’t Working

My mental health has been in shambles for a while now — I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. At least before the virus, I was seeing some improvement because of my meds. I was actually hoping to go off the drugs by the end of this year, but it looks like that won’t be happening.

My drugs don’t even seem to be working because I am always anxious. I struggle to get out of bed and carry out my daily tasks. I try to dance to one song at least once a day and I’ve stopped working out. If I’m going to die, I might as well go out with a fat booty and food in my belly.

Sarah, 32 — I Attended The AMVCA

I attended AMVCA, so I’ve been anxious for a while now. I was at work when the news that we could have been infected officially broke. I had to keep working even though my chest had sunk to the bottom of my stomach. I’m pre-diabetic, so I started panicking about my chances.

It also did not help that 7 days after the event, I had a fever, sore throat and dry cough. I called NCDC’s Lagos team and they promised to come to take my sample the next day, but they didn’t. I got a call, instead, asking for my symptoms. They said it was mild and told me to self-isolate.

Self-isolation itself has been easy since I like staying at home. My anxiety has also mostly disappeared. It started with the rumours, got worse with my symptoms and peaked with the announcement. Right now, all that really keeps me up is whether I’ll still have a job when all of this is over.

Tolu, 25 — I’m Scared I Will End Myself

I’ve been struggling with depression for the past couple of years, as well as recurring suicidal thoughts. I’ve also attempted to take my own life in the past. This experience has definitely worsened it because I have no way to escape my own head.

I feel trapped and sometimes I can’t breathe — I call it existential claustrophobia. Too much screen time makes my head hurt, and I’m stuck isolating with my parents, who are prayer warriors. I’m afraid that if this doesn’t end soon, I will end myself.

Jimi, 30 — My Anxiety Is Back

I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life — I used to be a chronic nail-biter and I’d always sweat profusely. It finally reduced when I told my family I was gay and dropped my unhealthy dependency on drugs. Since this pandemic started, my anxiety has been back up.

I had the stomach flu the other day. It turned into diarrhoea and a slight pain in my upper stomach — not even my chest — and I was fully panicking. I started thinking about my life and cried for almost 30 minutes. This whole experience has really put a lot of things into perspective for me.

Ada, 23 — I Had My First-Ever Panic Attack

I had my first-ever panic attack last week. I was on the HouseParty app with my friends when I started struggling to breathe. I walked to my balcony to get air, but I still couldn’t draw in enough. My heart started racing, and I was certain that I was going to die.

Luckily, my friend helped calm me down. The next day, I learned what it was. I’m meant to go for my MBA in September, and I’m worried it won’t happen. I’m also very lonely because my family is far away. So, I’ve just been worrying a lot more, and I think that’s what caused the attack.

Deola, 31 — I’m The Calmest I’ve Been In Years

In the past, I’ve suffered from anxiety. I tend to call it high-functioning anxiety because it was never crippling to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed. My symptoms were an inability to sleep or shut my mind off, worrying that bad things would happen, memory loss and constant fatigue.

I saw a therapist a few years ago and was diagnosed with anxiety and moderate depression. I was told to make lifestyle changes, and I have been working on that for a few years. It’s not been easy, but I see progress. I’m now able to tell when a funk is coming and work on it before it escalates.

Surprisingly, while I am concerned about the virus, I am the calmest I’ve been in years. I’m a germaphobe, so I can finally let my freak flag fly. I’ve also been working remotely since January, so I’m used to that too. This pandemic has taught me I can’t control everything, and I’m ok with that.

Folake, 27 — My Brain Went Into Overdrive

I’ve always struggled with bouts of anxiety and depression. So, with each new update about the virus, my anxiety kept rising and I couldn’t function at work. I also just moved to a new place where I don’t know anyone, so this made me feel even lonelier. I was sure I’d get it and die alone in my house.

My brain was in overdrive. I was scared of how a full lockdown would breed criminals, and I’d definitely be robbed, raped or killed. Thankfully, I called a friend and he basically calmed me down. Then I started contacting more friends, and the more relaxed everyone seemed, the calmer I got.

Click here for happy thoughts.

NerdEfiko

March 30, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, covid-19, mental health, Nigeria
Self-isolating with your partner is probably not how you imagined the third month of 2020 would pan out. But Coronavirus happened — is happening — and we have to do the right thing to stay safe and alive. As much as we love our partners, waking up to them, seeing them every second of the day, working with them from our homes is still remarkably different from anything we’re used to.

With this in mind, we decided to ask seven Nigerians about their experience self-isolating with their partner. From marathon sex to unnecessary arguments, here are the answers we got.

Lola, 28/Female/Recently Married:

So I’m married but the peculiar thing is my husband and I don’t stay together because of work. He comes home every Friday and goes on Monday. Enter the Ronnies and ghen ghen, everything changed. He’s been home since last week Thursday and one thing I know is a baby is going to come out of this thing even though baby wasn’t on my vision board this 2020.

Secondly, I don’t know why I never noticed he’s a three meal a day man. He doesn’t miss any. Luckily he’s self sufficient and gets his breakfast himself while I like to spend the early parts of my day working. But I’m worried about the food. What will happen when it finishes now. I shopped based on my style of 0 – 1 – 0.5 One weird thing for me is how he likes to write on surfaces. We have a home office yea, and we’ve got whiteboards he uses but Uncle has taken this thing further- his scribbles have taken over the entire surface of our work table. It’s like graffiti on it right now and I’ve been asked (begged) not to clean anything.

The best thing about self-isolating with my partner has been this: for us to have good deep sleep and not get restless because of paranoia (at the beginning, we both couldn’t sleep cos of fear), he gets us to watch old 90s movies late into the night, while getting drunk on scotch and then we proceed to do the thing which the lord has sanctified. Very vigorously I must add. Sleep is sure after but so is the baby thing. One thing I know is after this thing, it’s gonna be harder going back to status quo.

Micheal, 24/Male/In A Relationship – Nine Months

My summary of this experience in one sentence: she’s a little crackhead, I want to throw her away but I can’t because I love her. Let me explain. On night one, we had a fight. She was sleeping and I was working. She then woke up and said I was disturbing her; I left the room for her – I went to the parlour to continue what I was doing. After a while, she came to the parlour and asked why I left her alone, that I wasn’t playing with her — I mean, isn’t it only crackheads that stay stuff like this. So I said, ma, you were asleep. It was only the next day that she realised she was about to come on her period and that was why she was fighting me. Now I’m treating my partner like a baby. A big baby that would just randomly start dancing in front of my computer to distract me.

I admit that I have my own. Self-isolating with your partner teaches you about yourself and your partner. Like me now, I know I don’t have sense like that, but I didn’t know it was bad like that. Sometimes, I’d just randomly spank her when she’s working. It’s not my fault that she’s been dressed like a plumber since our self-isolation began. In all, it’s actually not a new experience. We’ve lived together for stretches at a time and I know there’s nothing I can’t handle. But sha, if you know someone buying crackheads, tell me because I’ll soon put this one up for sale.

Ada, 24/Female/In A Relationship

For me, self-isolating with my partner has been great. We have successfully divided the tasks in the house so both of us know who is doing what and when. She talks to herself while she’s working — I do it too, but I only just realised that that’s how she works. She also checks on me to make sure I’m not overwhelmed with work.

We haven’t had sex yet. I’m horny but she has a lot of work so I’m respecting that. Arguments are same as usual. We play a lot more, teasing each other, making impressions of our cat.
Tope, 22/Female/In A Relationship

After my company granted remote work, I immediately moved in with my partner. We had talked about it prior and we agreed we’d self-isolate together. During the first five days, body was catching us and we did it every chance we got. Things slowed down and became boring from day six and we’ve had three serious arguments for the first time in our relationship since then. I also noticed a few interesting and annoying things about him and he did too. We used to spend weekends together before but they didn’t seem like enough time for us to notice the things we’ve noticed during this isolation.

This entire thing has also given me a glance at what marriage could be like. Since we stopped having sex after doing it like rabbits consecutively for 5 days, he has been asking for it but I’m so drained. This also has given me a glance at why men say they cheat because their wives aren’t giving it to them. It’s all a lot but I’m happy I get to experience all of this with him. I’m certain our relationship will come out of isolation better than it went in. Self-isolating with your partner is a huge test for couples who don’t usually live together.

Tunde, 29/Male/Engaged

We started self-isolating a week ago. It’s also our first time living together. We’ve had our engagement, but haven’t gone to registry. She had to fight her parents to come and stay with me — I mean, we’re technically married, so it’s only right. I was gingered about self-isolating because I had read a foreign article about self-isolating with partners helps the couple.

We weren’t really having sex before now. So I imagine my shock when self-isolation started and I found out that I’m getting married to a sex machine. We start our morning with sex and end our day with sex. I think that’s the only routine we have been able to pull off so far. One time, I started working earlier than usual. She was still sleeping, so I assumed we won’t be having sex on that morning. Lo and behold, aunty came to the parlour and we did it. It was the same thing during the weekend when I got up early to make breakfast. We have the same energy sexually and that’s super good to know. Should I say thank you corona?

Daniella, 25/Female/In A Relationship

Since I started self-isolating with my partner, nothing shocking has happened, fortunately. But who knew he watched so much stuff? He must have watched at least 3 series & all their seasons by now. Also, I do not think he has had to listen to more finance speak in forever. I don’t think he realized how much finance finance stuff I did. Sweetest thing has gotta be yummy breakfast which is totally new.

Mohammed, 36/Male/Married For Almost Six Years

We’ve been married for a while, but apart from vacations, I don’t think we’ve spent a stretch of time together like this before. Self-isolation is good because she can rest and I can help out in ways that I couldn’t be for. I’ve tried things like cooking for the children and getting them ready in the morning while my wife sleeps in.

It’s just the children that are stressing me, if not, I actually like this arrangement. Some of my colleagues are complaining about self-isolating with their partners and I laugh at them. I don’t know what the coming days hold, but I’m optimistic that things will go on like this.

Click here for happy thoughts.
Ope

March 26, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, Couple, covid-19, Partners, Self-isolating, self-isolation
If you self-isolate from Covid-19 in itself is not enough. We are going up against the pettiest contagious virus known to mankind and it is simply not enough to stay in your houses. While you self isolate there’s a list of things that could still make you vulnerable to COVID-19 so do well to avoid them.

Don’t Smoke while you self-isolate from Covid-19

The World Health Organisation recommends that smokers should stay away from their smoking equipment this period. Why? Because you need your lungs in their healthiest shape and your immunity top notch. Smoking compromises on that. So while you self isolate, best to keep the lighters away.

Junk Food

Again on the immunity scores, now is the time to reach for the veggies and fruits as opposed to the junk you probably prefer. Your body needs all the nutrients you can feed it with. You need to stay healthy.

Unverified News Sources

For your own sanity, stay away from any source of incorrect news about COVID-19. How do you know which is false news? Crosscheck with sources like WHO, Worldometer, NCDC and Zikoko (Yes because we cross check with WHO too).

No strange foods while you self isolate please

Because while we are busy fighting an on going pandemic birthed by strange food choices we will very much appreciate it if you do not go on to birth a new one for us.

No visitors please

This is the time for every friend to stay home and enjoy the rent they paid. Just because we are all at home doesn’t mean it is time to start entertaining visitors. Everyone should really stay in their houses.

And don’t forget to wash your hands or use an alcohol based hand sanitizer as often as you can even as you self isolate. If you’re wondering what to do while indoors we got you covered.

Click here for some creative ways to keep busy this period.

Blessing Onyelobi

March 26, 2020

Inside Life

Corona Virus, CoronainLagos, coronavirus, covid-19, Covid19, covid19inLagos, Healthcare, pandemicinlagos, Safety tips, self-isolation
As everyone knows, we’re officially living in that shitty M.Night Shyamalan movie from 2008 starring Mark Wahlberg, which means that we have to stay home in an attempt to stop the spread of Miss Rona V.

Because of this, we asked 5 people to tell us what exactly they stocked up on before beginning to self-isolate. Here are their responses.

Astor, an appropriate age.

“Yes, me. I deserve to be a part of these things. Anyway, as a person who is very passionate about food, I bought a lot of food. Snacks (biscuits, juice, crackers), foodstuff (rice, beans, noodles, tin tomatoes, cereal, milk), and toiletries. You may have noticed that I didn’t mention spaghetti. That’s because some asshole(s) cleared the spaghetti section, along with the bread and eggs sections. Whoever you are, my prayer is that you jam your pinky toe on every piece of furniture you own, you fu –”

Desmond, 20

“I was pretty much all set when it came to actual foodstuff before all this started. What I did rush out to buy were snacks. You know, potato chips, chin-chin, crackers etc. And lots of alcohol. See, I have this nagging fear that this virus will mutate and start turning people into zombies and I do NOT want to be sober when I’m inevitably caught and eaten.”

Nneka, 32

“I have a whole family to cater for so when I went panic-shopping, I bought EVERYTHING. I hate to say this out loud but this self-isolation thing would’ve been much easier without children, which we have two of. 2-year-old twin boys. They’ve somehow gone through their Ribena supply. That’s their business sha. Because I am not going out when they start making noise. Brats. Please don’t add that. Or do. I don’t care. They can’t read. Oh, I also bought plenty of condoms. There is NO way I’m getting pregnant during all this. “

Veronica, 17

“Errrm. See ehn, my parents did all that. May God grant them long life because they keep coming through for your girl. I mean, they’re my parents and they have to come through. You get my point sha. Lol”

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

March 26, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, self-isolation
2020 has been a supremely shitty year so far, with the Coronavirus basically stopping the world in its tracks. So, in a bid to find some much-needed laughter, we’ve gathered some of the best @yung.nollywood memes that describe how we are all feeling right now.

1. This meme that aged like fried rice:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 16, 2020 at 1:51pm PDT

2. When you see the 11th “BREAKING NEWS” in one hour.

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 25, 2020 at 12:58pm PDT

3. Coronavirus fucking up all your travel plans:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 17, 2020 at 8:56am PDT

4. Mother Nature punishing us for polluting the earth:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 17, 2020 at 8:52am PDT

5. Nigerians, once they heard they should stay in their houses:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 24, 2020 at 7:37am PDT

6. You, realising that the world will never be the same after all this:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Feb 25, 2020 at 9:07am PST

7. You, trying not to die of boredom at home:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 21, 2020 at 3:51am PDT

8. When someone coughs around you.

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 18, 2020 at 6:41am PDT

9. You, after eating all your isolation snacks in one day:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Jan 3, 2020 at 4:35am PST

10. You, thinking about all the sex the virus is stopping you from having:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Feb 26, 2020 at 8:49am PST

11. You, every 5 minutes: “Is this the way I normally breathe?”

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Mar 23, 2020 at 6:25am PDT

12. When a rich Nigerian offers up prayers instead of money.

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Feb 21, 2020 at 8:06am PST

13. You, realising you have to do the “work” in “work from home”:

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A post shared by yungnollywood (@yung.nollywood) on Jan 11, 2020 at 11:26am PST

NerdEfiko

March 26, 2020

Inside Life

2020, coronavirus, Nollywood
“I would just like to acknowledge that this is not me being a pessimist. This is just a fun “what if” situation. So don’t drag me, edakun.”
– The human that wrote this

So imagine that Miss Rona ravages the world before scientists are able to find a cure, which means that we’re never able to defeat her. The economy collapses. A large percentage of the world’s population is wiped out and the people that are left have to move underground and eat rodents because supplies are scarce.

Basically, humanity is stuck in the opening scene of the first Terminator movie.

Based on current happenings (and everything I learned from watching Mad Max: Fury Road and Water World), here 5 things I think will become super valuable in this completely hypothetical future I just described.

1) Toilet Paper

Look, I don’t know why white people are suddenly going crazy over toilet paper. Maybe they know something we don’t. Maybe coronavirus actually gives its hosts hot explosive diarrhoea and the Caucasians are keeping it a secret for some reason. All I know is that if things keep going as they are now, TP will become gold.

2) Soap

Being one of the two things in the first line of defence against Miss Rona, it makes sense that this would be scarce and valuable. Imagine being one of the elite few with the ability to touch your face.

3) Water

The second thing in the first line of defence against Miss Rona and the one scarce thing that’ll make our dystopian future look like the one in Mad Max: Fury Road. How cool would that be??

4) Hand Sanitizer

Have you tried buying hand sanitizer recently?

5) Garri

Garri’s versatility is the one reason it’ll become priceless

Astor George

March 25, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, dystopian future, post-apocalyptic earth

1. What is Omicron?

2. How quickly does it spread?

3. Does the Omicron variant cause different symptoms?

4. Do COVID-19 tests detect Omicron?

5. How can we protect ourselves?

Where to get the coronavirus vaccine

Why you should get the coronavirus vaccine

What to expect after getting the coronavirus vaccine

What to do after getting the vaccine

Mojola, 26

Zipporah, 25

Muyiwa, 32

Imade, 27

Dami, 24

Men are more likely to be infected with COVID-19 than women

Men are more likely to get worse symptoms and die from COVID-19 than women

Your penis is not spared either

MRS. ALEXANDER

HILARY

AYODEJI

MONDAY:

TUESDAY:

WEDNESDAY:

THURSDAY:

FRIDAY:

SATURDAY:

SUNDAY:

When did you first suspect that you had COVID-19?

Damn, what were her symptoms?

Wow.

Has this affected the quality of your 9-5?

I’m curious. Are you saying she got Corona even with preventive measures?

Why didn’t your wife continue working from home?

Ah, I see. What has been the scariest day since she got ill?

Whew! How did you guys even get tested?

How did you guys handle the apprehension as you waited?

So, it’s been like DIY?

Cool. What about this current crisis gives you hope based on your own experience?

Nice. How have you been coping with the isolation boredom?

Tell me that story that’s going to cross your mind now from when you were a kid

What?

I’m listening.

What did he do?

What?!

It’s not even my money and it hurts.

Tell me.

Wow.

Do you think it affected you in any way?

Ah, he passed away. Sorry about your loss man.

What did he leave behind?

You clearly think about this a lot. What about your mum?

What’s the first thing you did to earn money?

Tell me about your most memorable day on that job.

That is intense. What was your daily target?

When you quit the sales job, what did you do next?

What type of life did that fetch you?

Post-NYSC?

Wild. How long were you there for?

Tell me.

How much was the raise?

So, the almighty 2020. What plans did you have at the beginning of the year?

So it was good for your salary cap but bad for personal growth.

Ouch. How much cash did you have left when the furlough began?

How much do you have left?

What’s the toughest thing about being without a job in this period?

Let’s say you get a job offer right now, how much are you asking for?

Let’s talk about the future, and how you want it to be different from the past.

Random, but did your dad have a will?

What’s something you want right now but can’t afford?

What’s the last you paid for that required serious planning?

When do you think you’ll be called back to work?

Let’s talk about financial regrets

I ask as routine, but what’s your happiness level on a scale of 1-10, and why?

What happens when you run out of your last ₦8k?

So, my first question is, what is your oldest memory of money?

Hahaha. Always Eid money.

Now, this is interesting.

That’s super impressive.

What was it like as a child though?

Looks very familiar to me. Next time you earned?