conductor | Zikoko!

7 Skills Conductors Have That Everyone Needs

Honestly, the don’t teach people how to be a conductor in school because you’d be unstoppable, a potential super villan and you might even unlock hidden parts of your brain. We decided to share this knowledge because you deserve.

1. Ridiculous parkour skills

You could even parkour your way out of traffic, I am jealous.

You know how conductors hop on and off buses at anytime? Imagine if you had that? Spiderman no do reach that one.

2. Megaphone voice

Wouldn’t life be great if people always heard what you said loudly? Will people start to avoid you? Yes, but that’s not the point. Best of all, when you call all those delivery guys to explain your address as usual, they can’t claim that they didn’t hear you.

3. Singlets as a fashion choice

Personally, I feel like no one should wear this but okay.

The only other set of people that have been able to do this are Igbo men. So, imagine your power, I am shaking in my boots.

4. Ability to make friends

You and your new friends hanging out.

Y’all are always complaining about how hard it is to make friends as adults, well conductors have mastered it. Of course by friends, I mean LASTMA officials and thugs. So, do with that what you must.

5. Mathematical skills

Where do I even start? These people have their third eye open because there is no explanation for this. Imagine having this skill? The world is your starting point dear.

6. Good grip

I don’t know where your mind went to, but thats not what I meant sha. Cleanse your mind.

7. Ability to negotiate with traffic

Even the president hasn’t solved this one, imagine your power>>>

Do you know what it means to be able to solve Nigeria’s traffic issues? Especially in Lagos? You’ve really made it be that.

Malakai Bassey

April 8, 2021

Inside Life

Bus conductors, conductor, Humour
The Forgotten Change Chronicles

1. When you need to enter danfo but you only have 1k.

As per #RichGang.
2. How you hustle to enter the first bus that stops:

Will you now sleep there because of 1k?
3. You, when the conductor says “enter with your change”.

Selective deafness, abeg.
4. What you ask all the passengers immediately you sit down:

You’re sha making effort.
5. When you’re done asking and nobody in the bus has change.

You cannot come and go and die.
6. When you finally give the conductor the 1k and he starts making noise.

Why are you now shouting, biko?
7. How you balance when you know it’s too late for him to throw you out:

You’ll be fine bruh.
8. How everyone on the bus hustles to collect their change first:

You people should calm down na.
9. You, looking at the conductor because your own hasn’t reached you:

He thinks you will forget, abi?
10. When you want to vex then you remember you’re the one that entered with 1k.

Who sent you message sef?
11. When your energy finishes and you stop shouting for your change every 5 minutes.

Na where you mess up.
12. When you finally reach your bus stop and the conductor carries face like:

You forgot to ask him, and he ‘forgot’ to remind you.
13. When you walk small and suddenly remember your change.

Chineke!
14. You, painfully watching the danfo zoom off:

You’re there wondering if you can chase it.
15. You, calculating everything you could have done with that money:

You see your life.

Daniel Orubo

July 14, 2016

Oldies

bus, change, conductor, danfo