condoms | Zikoko!

One of the most uncomfortable situations anyone can be faced with is trying to buy a condom for the first time.

Your babe/man/FWB comes over and things are getting heated. They (wisely) say they are not going ahead without a condom so you have to hustle to the pharmacy to get one.

You approach the pharmacy with some of the courage you’ve spent 5 minutes gathering.

1. As you’re about to enter, you see five people inside, so you decide to just chill outside for a bit

But as one person leaves, another is entering.

2. So you eventually decide to go inside anyway

Don’t forget that the object of your sexual interest is still lying naked on the bed, waiting for you.

3. The pharmacist asks what you want

And the courage you’ve just gathered disappears into smoke.

“I want to buy vitamin C,” You say.

The chemist gives you the vitamin c.

“Anything else?” the pharmacist asks.

4. “I want to buy cndm,” you mutter quietly under your breath

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you?” The pharmacist says.

You repeat yourself.

5. “OH YOU WANT TO BUY CONDOM?”

You use your eyes to beg the pharmacist to lower his voice but he ignores your pleas. You can feel the judgmental eyes of every person in the pharmacy on you.

6. “Which one do you want?”

At this point, you just want to tell them to forget about it and go home. But you’re already halfway through. One last push. You point at the condom nearest to you.

They pack it in a nylon bag that’s too transparent for your liking. You start walking home with the condom in your pocket but you feel like everyone on the street knows what you just bought.

Next read: How To Be Profiled As A Yahoo Boy According To The Nigerian Police

Man Like – A series about men, for men, by men. Every Sunday by 12PM.

Olufemi Fadahunsi

September 10, 2020

Man Dem

condoms, Men, sex life
In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to worry about STIs (and birth control wouldn’t be so complicated). Unfortunately, our world isn’t ideal, and this makes condoms pretty damn essential.

We’ve all seen enough PSAs to know just how important they are, but humans rarely do what’s best for them. So, we decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians to share how often they really use condoms.

David, 26/Male/Straight

Condoms suck. They just take away from the overall pleasure of sex. They make the vagina feel less wet, less soft and less warm. It’s literally insulating your dick from enjoying the vaginaness of the vagina.

Also, I rarely orgasm when I use condoms. I have to go on for much longer for it to happen — about 3 to 4 times longer than without one. Sure, it increases my stamina, but I’m barely enjoying the sex.

Honestly, I don’t use condoms as often as I know I should. If it’s a one-time hookup, then sure, but if it’s a consistent thing, then nope. I discuss it with my partners, and we usually just agree to risk it.

Sandra, 27/Female/Bisexual

I don’t hate condoms, but if I only had to worry about getting pregnant, not contracting STIs, I would never use them. Depending on the type, they don’t affect my enjoyment of sex too much, but it’s still not the same.

I can even manage male condoms, especially thin ones, but female condoms mean zero enjoyment for me. It’s odd because my partner actually enjoyed them — everything is really made for the pleasure of men.

I’m currently not using condoms as much because my main guy isn’t a fan. It’s risky, I know, but we do regular checks. I always use condoms with my side pieces though. If they don’t want, I bounce.

Ebi, 30/Male/Gay

When I started having sex, I was very serious about always using protection. Since I only sleep with men, I’ve never had to worry about getting anyone pregnant. My main fear has always been contracting an STI.

I was very religious about it for years, so it’s a little funny that the first time I decided to go without it, I contracted HIV. I mean, it’s funny in retrospect, but I remember crying about the unfairness of it for many months.

Now, I never have sex without one, even though I take my drugs and my viral load is undetectable. That being said, the one I time I did have sex raw was much more enjoyable than all the times I’ve used a condom.

Rinmade, 27/Female/Straight

I’m all for condoms, but certain types dry me out or irritate me, so I’m very picky. That’s why it kills me whenever I tell a guy that I only fuck with Skyn and he shows up with Durex. I just know he is not a serious person.

I always insist on using condoms, but there have been a few times that I just couldn’t be bothered. I don’t use birth control, so I even use condoms in relationships. The pill messes me up hormonally, so it’s not even an option.

Charles, 27/Male/Straight

I’ve never enjoyed sex with a condom, but I use them occasionally, especially if the babe insists. I’ve actually gotten someone pregnant before, so you’d think I’d be a bigger condom advocate, but they’re just the worst.

Condoms also make me anxious. Whenever I have to put one on, I start worrying about losing my erection, which happens often. The entire process of bringing it out and struggling to open the pack is just so unsexy.

I do get tested a lot though. Most of the babes I’ve slept with recently actually insisted. In my experience, women hate condoms even more than men, so they all wanted to be sure it was fine for us to fuck without them.

Ada, 24/Female/Straight

Condoms are stress. I consider them to be a necessary evil, but they dry me out so fast. Thankfully, I’m a 2-minute girl, so they don’t really interfere with my orgasms, even though they do reduce the enjoyment by like 20%.

I’m generally monogamous, so using condoms depends on how much I trust my partner. The default is to use condoms until we’ve both taken tests and I’m sure that I’m the only person they are sleeping with at the time.

Chibuzor, 25/Male/Straight

I fucking hate condoms. Whenever I use them, I don’t feel like I’m actually having sex. I have never had an orgasm while using a condom. Granted, I’ve only ever used a condom 4 times in total (and I’ve had sex a lot).

Those 4 times were one-night stands, so I had to. For the women I sleep with regularly, I never use condoms, and they never ask. I don’t know why, but I just don’t worry about STIs or pregnancies. I’m just trying to enjoy my life.

NerdEfiko

July 22, 2020

Inside Life, Sex Life

condoms, Sex, sex life
We came to the conclusion a very long time ago that the reason Nigeria is so hot is that you people are fornicating.

We’ve been begging you people to stop and you have refused. Since you insist on fornicating you might as well educate yourself on the different kinds of contraceptive options you can use to avoid unplanned pregnancies, and no it’s not just condoms and “pulling out”.
We should make it clear that although all of these contraceptive options prevent pregnancy they won’t prevent STDs and STIs so better go and get tested with the person you are fornicating with.

And this isn’t just for you fornicators. Newlyweds and married couples who are having sex at the exact time the good Lord intended but aren’t ready to have kids yet need to read this too.
Unfortunately because the science around the invention of most contraception methods is sexist all of these contraception options can only be used by women.

The good news, however, is that a lot of the side effects women have been made to believe these contraception options have, either don’t exist or are over exaggerated. But don’t take our word for it, always always talk to your doctor and your partner before deciding on the most suitable option for you.
There is the most popular option after condoms which is ‘The Pill’

The pill works by stopping ovulation. No ovulation means there is no egg to be fertilized by the sperm when you have sex, which means no belle. Here are a couple of things about the pill you should know. First of all, it won’t affect your fertility when you do decide to start having kids. Secondly, it doesn’t cause cancer. Lastly, although a handful of women might experience weight gain as a side effect of being on the pill, this is rarely the case for a majority of the women on it.
Plan B or ‘The Morning After’

Most pharmacies here in Nigeria carry the brand name – Postinor 2. For some reason, Nigerians love to turn up their nose at this but it’s really your best bet whenever you have a slip up like a condom tear or when his ‘pull out’ method fails. It’s important to note that ‘Plan B’ is an emergency contraceptive, which is not meant for daily or regular use.
IUD

IUD stands for Intrauterine Device and it’s basically a plastic and copper device put into your uterus through your vagina to prevent pregnancy. The process of inserting the IUD is a whole lot easier and painless than it sounds. Although IUDs are very unpopular amongst Nigerian women but the fact that it doesn’t mess with your hormones and lasts for years makes it a very suitable option.
The Patch

The patch works similarly to the pill by delivering hormones through your skin that’ll help prevent pregnancy, except that instead of using it daily you need to change it every week. Which in some way makes it a little more convenient than the pill.
Contraceptive Implant

Implants are two really tiny rods usually inserted on the inside of your upper arm which slowly releases progestogen into your body to prevent you from getting pregnant. It lasts from 2 to 5 years, which makes it a great long-term contraceptive option
That’s about it. If you know of any SAFE contraceptive options we left out, please let us know.

Having a baba that gives you something to drink to block pregnancy and infections doesn’t count, please.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

August 15, 2018

Oldies

condoms, contraceptive, IUD, plan b, postinor, pull out, Safe sex, Sex, sex education, Sexual health
1. When you need condoms but none of your friends are around to steal from.

Nawa!

2. You, calculating whether to buy condoms now or free and buy pampers later.

Is the shame worth it?

3. You, praying that the pharmacist is not one middle-aged Nigerian woman.

I don’t need the judgement.

4. When you enter the pharmacy and the place is full of old people.

God forbid.

5. You, pretending to consider other items.

As if it’s not just condom you’re there for.

6. When you see someone from church enter the pharmacy.

Hay God!

7. You, when someone just walks in and shouts “give me gold circle”.

Boss!

8. When you buy things you don’t need just to shift attention from the condoms.

See money I’m wasting.

9. How the pharmacist looks at you if you don’t have a ring on your finger:

See your life.

10. When they are about to give you the “youths of today” speech.

Just don’t, biko.

11. Your face, all through the purchase.

Stop looking at me.

12. When they tell you they don’t have any black nylons.

You people want to expose me.

13. You, after realizing you can never go back to that pharmacy again.

Shame will not allow me.

Daniel Orubo

May 9, 2016

Oldies

Africa, condoms, Judge, Nigeria, Pharmacist, Pharmacy, Shame, Shy
Many of us have heard of the several Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) that exist and ways to prevent them.
Ghanaian condom brand, Fiesta Condoms put out a hilarious but educating animated series about the advantages of using condoms on their Youtube channel.

It is not a surpsrise that Fiesta Condoms are a trademark of DKT International, the non-profit organization that promotes family planning and HIV prevention through social marketing.

They kicked things off on their Youtube channel with this funny skit about a couple that would rather pray away STIs and infections rather than use condoms.

Then, this funny ad tells the story of a hideous STI that terrorizes couples in the land giving them infections. The Superheroes, Fiesta condoms come to the rescue and save the day.

Check out the full video here.

You can also watch other ads on their channel, Fiesta Condoms Gh.

Maryam

April 6, 2016

Gist

condom, condoms, ghana, Ghanaian, Nigerians, Sex, STDs
Yesterday, December 1st, was World AIDS Day and we were very excited to keep the safe sex conversation going. We even had a twitter poll on it:
https://twitter.com/zikokomag/status/671806868654829568

But it made us think… what about safe sexting?
Everyone has their favourite sexting emoji (don’t lie!)
The eggplant (or aubergine):

Representing male genitalia.
The peach:

Representing female genitalia.
The combination for sex:

You children have spoil! 😀
The tongue out emoji:

For cunnilingus.
The pointer finger + OK sign + splashing water:

For… you know what.
The doughnut + banana combination for sex:

A ‘sweeter’ variation of the eggplant and peach.
But sadly, there is so much sexting and sexing but not enough safe sex! Until now…

Condom emoji to the rescue!!
The MTV Staying Alive Foundation has created a SafeSext keyboard featuring various condom emojis.

The SafeSext emoji keyboard is free to download on iOS and Android.
But it doesn’t end there,The Foundation also created the best safe sex PSA you have ever seen!

By featuring people dressed up as life-sized versions of your favourite sext emojis.
The video features life-sized versions of the most common sexting emoji pairs making out, such as the eggplant and peach. But this time a condom is involved.

Condoms prevent HIV, STDs and pregnancy. Which is exactly why MTV Staying Alive Foundation wants to help you to turn your emoji foreplay into a threesome.
Watch the full video here:

Now go forth! Sext, talk dirty and make your foreplay a threesome by adding a condom into the conversation with the MTV SafeSext Keyboard.

Damilola

December 2, 2015

Gist

condoms, Emojis, HIV, MTV, mtv staying alive, Safe sex, sexting, sponsored

1. As you’re about to enter, you see five people inside, so you decide to just chill outside for a bit

2. So you eventually decide to go inside anyway

3. The pharmacist asks what you want

4. “I want to buy cndm,” you mutter quietly under your breath

5. “OH YOU WANT TO BUY CONDOM?”

6. “Which one do you want?”

David, 26/Male/Straight

Sandra, 27/Female/Bisexual

Ebi, 30/Male/Gay

Rinmade, 27/Female/Straight

Charles, 27/Male/Straight

Ada, 24/Female/Straight

Chibuzor, 25/Male/Straight

We came to the conclusion a very long time ago that the reason Nigeria is so hot is that you people are fornicating.

We should make it clear that although all of these contraceptive options prevent pregnancy they won’t prevent STDs and STIs so better go and get tested with the person you are fornicating with.

Unfortunately because the science around the invention of most contraception methods is sexist all of these contraception options can only be used by women.

There is the most popular option after condoms which is ‘The Pill’

Plan B or ‘The Morning After’

IUD

The Patch

Contraceptive Implant

That’s about it. If you know of any SAFE contraceptive options we left out, please let us know.

1. When you need condoms but none of your friends are around to steal from.

2. You, calculating whether to buy condoms now or free and buy pampers later.

3. You, praying that the pharmacist is not one middle-aged Nigerian woman.

4. When you enter the pharmacy and the place is full of old people.

5. You, pretending to consider other items.

6. When you see someone from church enter the pharmacy.

7. You, when someone just walks in and shouts “give me gold circle”.

8. When you buy things you don’t need just to shift attention from the condoms.

9. How the pharmacist looks at you if you don’t have a ring on your finger:

10. When they are about to give you the “youths of today” speech.

11. Your face, all through the purchase.

12. When they tell you they don’t have any black nylons.

13. You, after realizing you can never go back to that pharmacy again.

Ghanaian condom brand, Fiesta Condoms put out a hilarious but educating animated series about the advantages of using condoms on their Youtube channel.

It is not a surpsrise that Fiesta Condoms are a trademark of DKT International, the non-profit organization that promotes family planning and HIV prevention through social marketing.

They kicked things off on their Youtube channel with this funny skit about a couple that would rather pray away STIs and infections rather than use condoms.

Then, this funny ad tells the story of a hideous STI that terrorizes couples in the land giving them infections. The Superheroes, Fiesta condoms come to the rescue and save the day.

Check out the full video here.

But it made us think… what about safe sexting?

The eggplant (or aubergine):

The peach:

The combination for sex:

The tongue out emoji:

The pointer finger + OK sign + splashing water:

The doughnut + banana combination for sex:

But sadly, there is so much sexting and sexing but not enough safe sex! Until now…

The MTV Staying Alive Foundation has created a SafeSext keyboard featuring various condom emojis.

But it doesn’t end there,The Foundation also created the best safe sex PSA you have ever seen!

The video features life-sized versions of the most common sexting emoji pairs making out, such as the eggplant and peach. But this time a condom is involved.

Watch the full video here: