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computer village | Zikoko!
  • The Horrible Stages of Losing Your Phone in Computer Village

    The Horrible Stages of Losing Your Phone in Computer Village

    Most Lagosians have a Computer Village story; some are hilarious and others are terrifying. They range from buying a phone and seeing semo inside the box when you get home, to having someone shake your hand and realising five minutes later that your phone is gone. If you have a Computer Village horror story, you can probably relate to these seven stages:

    You suddenly realise your phone is missing

    Maybe it’s your first time here, so you’re wondering why everyone is hissing at you, trying to get you to see the new gadget they’re selling. And you can’t tell why this particular guy keeps following you everywhere even though you’ve told him off. He eventually leaves you alone, and a few minutes later, you realise your pocket feels lighter.

    Scared

    Doubt sets in

    At this point, your mind starts racing and running double-checks. “Did I put my phone in my bag?” You check your bag, and it’s not there. Then, you realise what’s happening — your phone is long gone.

    Confused look

    You start to have flashbacks

    Your mind flashes back to the guy who was following you. “Could it be him? Did he touch my pocket?” You decide the only way to find out is to find him and ask.

    deep thought with provoking flashbacks

    You start searching for the thief

    You retrace your steps to the place where you last saw this person, hoping to see them again. But when you don’t see them, you start asking around, trying to describe them to other people. Miraculously, you’re pointed in a particular direction.

    searching for the thief with a gun in hand

    ALSO READ: The Zikoko Guide to Surviving Computer Village


    You decide to confront the person

    You get there, and you see the person you’re looking for. You approach them and ask politely if they took your phone. Unknown to you, this is a cardinal sin. You simply do not ask a thief whether they’ve stolen from you. They start shouting at you, with the familiar “who you be?”

    confronting the thief

    You realize that words alone cannot settle this issue

    Like the Lagosian you are, you decide the best way to go about this is to show some craziness. Obviously, that’s the only way they’ll listen to you, so you start to shout and throw punches like Bash Ali’s protege.

    fighting the thief

    You get beaten really bad

    Unfortunately, you’re not Bash Ali’s protege. You get whopped really bad and no one even cares to listen to the reason why you were shouting in the first place. You now realise what a bad idea this was and decide to leave without your phone.

    sad and in tears

    You realise it’s not only your phone that was stolen

    You get to the bus stop, but just as you’re about to take a bus home in pain and regret, you realise your wallet is now also gone.

    passing out from shock

    READ THIS NEXT: “In Computer Village, Every Day, New Drama” — A Week in the Life of a Computer Vendor

  • “In Computer Village, Every Day, New Drama” — A Week in the Life of a Computer Vendor

    “In Computer Village, Every Day, New Drama” — A Week in the Life of a Computer Vendor

    “A Week in the Life is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.



    The subject of this week’s “A Week in the Life” sells gadgets at Computer Village. He tells us about the chaos of the Village and how he manages to stay faithful in a market infamous for dishonesty.

    Graphic image of In Computer Village, Every Day, New Drama” — A Week in the Life of a Computer Vendor (1)

    SUNDAY

    I sell phones, laptops and accessories in the Lagos Computer Village. My week starts on Sunday night because business almost never stops — na them dey rush us. 

    From 6 p.m. until around midnight, I respond to messages from people making inquiries. When I receive payment for an order, I verify it and schedule delivery for Monday morning or whenever they need it. Doing so on Sunday nights makes my already busy Mondays more bearable.

    MONDAY

    I wake up by 5 a.m. every Monday morning to get ready for the week. By 6 a.m, I leave Ogba and head out to my shop in Computer Village, Ikeja. Depending on the traffic situation, I can get to my shop by 7:30 or around 8 a.m. Resumption time is 9 a.m. but I like to arrive early so I can get a head start. Also, the orders from the previous night need to be dispatched as early as possible. If I waited until 9 a.m. to resume, stress would kill me.

    I get most of my orders from social media and Whatsapp, from first-time customers and a network I’ve built over the years. 

    By 12 p.m., I take a two-hour break to either nap, stroll around the Village or go see my girlfriend who lives close by. I head back to the shop at 2 p.m. and keep selling until 6 or 7 p.m. when I close and head home. Sometimes, people keep coming after 6,especially those who have office jobs, and I have to attend to them.

    At 7 p.m., I turn off my data, put my phone on silent and place it in my backpack because the way home is dangerous at night. I also put any cash I have into the bag and hold it as if my life depended on it — I’ve been a victim of pick-pocketing before. 

    Due to Monday’s rush-hour traffic, it takes two or three hours to get home. I have dinner, respond to more inquiries and take more orders until sleep calls.

    TUESDAY

    Computer Village is wild gan! If you lose guard, you go collect. But even with all the warnings, some people are either too naive or don’t hear word. I saved someone from being duped today.

    If you’ve ever been to Computer Village, you know that it’s very easy to get scammed. Everyone knows about buying a phone only to find out that there’s fufu inside, right? That’s old news. The reigning one these days is taking the panel of an older model of a phone and wrapping it on a new model to dupe unsuspecting customers. They can cover the panel of an iPhone XR in an iPhone 13 casing.

    A woman came to my shop and asked to buy a London-used iPhone 13. The market price of such a phone is ₦430k. She complained that it was too much and went elsewhere. Soon after, she called me and started cussing me out. She called me a thief just because she felt my price was too high. After all, she found someone to sell it to her for almost half my fee. 

    After she’d finished ranting, I told her it was unnecessary. She could have either told me she wasn’t buying or given me the “I’ll get back to you” line and ghosted. There was no need for her to insult me. She hung up and forwarded a message to me on WhatsApp. Someone was willing to sell it to her at ₦250k. 

    I did a double-take and asked her if that vendor was in Computer Village. I told her it was impossible for someone to sell an iPhone 13 for so cheap, even if it had faults. She kept arguing, and then, she sent me a photo of the phone. I took one look and knew it was a scam. But she refused to believe me. According to her, I just wanted to chop her money.

    I’d have collected my “L” and kept it moving o, but I decided to get her to ask the vendor about the phone. I told her to tell them a fellow vendor was asking. The vendor admitted that it was an iPhone XR in an iPhone 13 case. 

    She started wondering why they didn’t tell her from the beginning. In Computer Village? Where almost everybody is hustling by hook or crook? Plis dear!

    I don’t take disrespect lightly, so after that conversation, I deleted her number along with the Whatsapp conversation. I was angry.

    WEDNESDAY

    In Computer Village, every day, new drama. Everybody thinks they’re smart — not just traders; even customers do dishonest shit. But me I sha know how to give close marking. 

    Today at the shop, these three guys came to buy laptops and behaved strangely. I know there are customers who can’t make up their minds, but these ones rubbed me off the wrong way.

    I closed the door and stood by it, making sure all three guys were inside. As they kept asking for laptops, dropping them and asking for more, me I knew it was “format”. I promptly texted my shop assistant to watch them closely and ensure she returned every laptop to the show glass as soon as they dropped it so that we won’t hear stories that touch. The guys got frustrated and left eventually. Awon oloshi.



    Editor’s pick: The Zikoko Guide to Surviving Computer Village


    THURSDAY

    The first rule of Computer Village is to never follow anybody you don’t know. Those boys and men who prowl the streets, who don’t have shops, avoid them. The best thing is to have a trusted plug or get a referral. Even if you don’t know where you’re going, you must never show it. Find a proper shop and do your business; never trust a stranger.

    People fall victim every day. Like today, I went to get a spare part from a colleague and found somebody sitting in his doorway. After some time, people at the shop noticed he wasn’t doing anything, so we asked him to leave if he didn’t have any business there. 

    The guy (let’s call him Bayo) told us he was waiting for someone. Who? He mentioned someone nobody had heard about. We suspected foul play and asked what happened. This man told us he needed to change his screen, so when he got to the Village, someone approached him and said he could fix it. But first, Bayo had to give him ₦15k to buy a new screen as he was just an engineer. When he was done, Bayo would complete the payment for workmanship.

    The man brought Bayo to the shop and told him to wait, but hours later, neither screen nor “engineer” was anywhere to be found. We just told Bayo, “Your phone don go. Sha dey go house.” 

    We taunted him sha, because that’s how we do. How you go follow person wey you no know like zombie? At least, whenever he hears gist about Computer Village, he too will have a story to tell.

    FRIDAY

    In Computer Village, everybody minds their business. If you see someone getting duped, mind your business. Most times, it’s their greed that’s getting the better of them. Unless you want to put yourself in trouble, just keep it moving.

    Sometimes, a deal goes bad and the customer returns. Maybe they were sold something that didn’t last as long as expected or developed a fault. They’re not coming back peacefully; they’re coming back with “Indaboski”. Unless I know the seller and can vouch for them, in which case I’ll step in and try to resolve the conflict, but if I don’t know them? As I see the angry customer starting go cause a scene, I’ll just do “eyes right”.

    The biggest lesson I’ve learnt is to be a straightforward person. When I started this business in 2013, I was lucky to be handheld by the kindest vendor, and his values have stayed with me.

    So even though Computer Village is infamous for deception, I choose to keep my customers happy because nothing matters to me more than peace of mind. I treat everyone as if they’re my only customer, and it has worked for me so far. I get a significant amount of referrals weekly.

    Thankfully, my customers treat me the same way.


    If you enjoyed this “A Week in the Life”, check out: A Week in the Life of a Computer Technician Selling Ewa Agoyin on the Side


    Check back for new A Week in the Life stories every first Tuesday of the month at 9 a.m. If you’d like to be featured on the series, or you know anyone interesting who fits the profile, fill out this form.

  • The Business Man Flirting With the Idea of a 9-5 — A Week in the Life

    The Business Man Flirting With the Idea of a 9-5 — A Week in the Life

    A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a businessman who sells electronic gadgets for a living. He talks about his unconventional approach to business, being dealt with by the exchange rate and why he’s considering getting a 9-5.

    MONDAY:

    Today was a rough day. I woke up late, got delayed in Lagos traffic and had to pursue dispatch riders up and down.  On top of that, I also had to figure out where to buy dollars at an affordable rate so I could restock my goods. 

    Between clueless bank officials, CBN’s ever-changing policies and dispatch riders, I had my hands full in fire fighting mode. 

    Frustrated by the bank, I spent a huge part of the day on the internet looking for someone who wanted to send naira home. Then I also spent some time recalculating the cost of my goods and giving room for price fluctuations. 

    In the middle of this, I kept on getting calls from customers asking for their goods, and dispatch riders complaining about one problem or the other. 

    When I could no longer bear the information overload, I put my phone on silent, paused all notifications, and went to cool my head. 

    I just told myself that tomorrow is another day to try again. 

    TUESDAY:

    I run my gadget business unconventionally. I don’t own a physical store, nor have social media presence or even hold on to stock for long. I work mostly based on word of mouth referrals. I take custom orders to help people buy phones on eBay, Amazon or from trusted dealers. And when I buy stuff for myself, I sell everything off at computer village. I don’t keep any stock.

    I don’t know why I’m like this. Maybe it’s because I’m not crazy about the idea of owning a store, or perhaps it’s because I dislike the processes that come with keeping stock. 

    My method is less stressful because I can fulfill orders on my phone. I also have a car to drive around for pickups and occasional deliveries. 

    I’ve been running this business like this for over 10 years, so I guess I’m doing something right. In recent times, though, the business hasn’t been as good as it used to be. I’ve gone from making 10-20% on a phone sale to making 5-8%. This means that if I used to make ₦25,000 on one sale, I now make around ₦8,000. 

    I blame two things: high exchange rates and losing my customer base to japa. While I don’t have the answer to stopping my customers from running away, I’d rather not dwell on the dollar matter. I don’t want to sound like a broken record. 

    Today, I’m going to personally deliver all the goods the dispatch riders failed to deliver yesterday. The thought of the traffic I’m going to face is discouraging me from leaving the comfort of my bed. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Well, I guess that there’s something in the air this week. First, I woke up to an email from Amazon saying that they had blocked my account and frozen my money. According to them, I had too many “suspicious” card activities. They didn’t even give me a chance to explain that because I’m always sourcing for affordable dollar rates, I have to use different cards from my family and friends abroad. 

    This afternoon, my agent called to say that my goods were experiencing delays at the port. A few minutes later, customers who had paid upfront started calling me to ask for their property. There I was, caught between not wanting to lie and not wanting to give excuses. 

    Well, since you asked, my day went perfectly well. How was yours?

    THURSDAY:

    I’m up early today, not for work but to think. In recent times, business has been slow. What was once a sweet business with highs and lows now has a lot more lows. And the hoops to jump through keep on increasing. 

    Now, I’m considering getting a job that serves as a safety net. 

    But what are the prospects out there for someone who hasn’t worked in a formal job for more than 8 months in 10 years?

    I’m definitely not doing anything that requires me to submit a CV or write one foolish essay or test. . Tech sounds nice but I don’t want to code. Maybe I’ll do hardware…

    Truthfully, my ideal job is one where I’m helping people solve their gadget problems. Just text me that your laptop has a problem or you’re unsure of what laptop to buy and watch me light up. Not sure what phone to get? I’m your guy. You want someone to give IT support? Na me.

    I’m honestly a bit confused and my head hurts from all the thinking I’ve had to do this week. 

    Wo, I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m grateful for the life I currently have. 

    Regardless of how my job search turns out, I know I have no regrets about running a business. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • The Zikoko Guide to Surviving Computer Village

    If you’ve never been here, you’ve heard stories – terrifying and occasionally hilarious. As someone who has spent enough time there, I’m here to tell you that everything you’ve heard is true.

     

    If you have to go to computer village for any reason and hope to make it out alive, you’re going to need help. Because that place is full of demons in human skin suits looking for gullible people to scam. Pay attention. 

    1. First things first, activate your spider sense.

    The moment you get there, guys are going to seemingly materialize out of thin air and approach you en masse, asking if you’re there to buy, sell, or fix something.

     

    Keep your wits around you when this is happening because failure to do so will most likely lead to every valuable thing in your pockets being stolen.

    2. Don’t verbally engage anyone unless you absolutely have to.

    You’ve heard the stories. Someone taps your shoulder and asks an inaudible question. You turn around and are like, “What?” and the next thing you know, you wake up 3 hours later in a pool of your own blood with your wallet, phone, shoes, and kidneys stolen.

     

    Now you’re a badly written headline on Nigerian blogs.

    3. Don’t physically engage anyone unless you absolutely have to.

    The gag is, computer village is constantly teeming with people, which means you really can’t avoid physical contact (i.e bumping into people). But what you can do is check, after every bump, to make sure the “goods” are secure. Sure, you’ll end up doing it so much that anybody watching you will think you’re touching yourself. But would you rather not be seen as a pervert or lose your penis?

    4. If someone claims to have what you’re looking for and proceeds to take you on a freakishly long and winding journey to “his shop”, run. Because:

    Enough said.

    5) Be sure to properly test whatever it is you’re buying.

    Because computer village people are not here to play. If you slack, they’ll sell you a 3-year-old refurbished laptop/phone in a new box. And swear on their still alive mothers’ graves that they can’t possibly cheat you because you’re from the same state as them.

    6. Make sure that the person attending to you at the shop you’ve chosen actually works there.

    A friend of mine once went to a shop at computer village to fix a phone. He spoke to the guy he met there and handed over the phone, agreeing to return in 2 days to retrieve it.

     

    When he went back, he met a different guy who said that was his shop and that that he didn’t have any helper. Turns out the first guy my friend met was a thieving drifter and this was his MO.

    7. Before leaving, make sure what you bought is what is actually in the box, and not a phone case full of fufu or a laptop-shaped slab of cement.

    Because it has happened. Too many times to count.

    8) Lastly, be sure to have some fun observing the tattoo artists/pink lips cream sales guys.

    This one is less a survival tactic and more a fun-after-shopping activity. You’ll find them under the bridge, covered from head to toe in tattoos and with lips so unnaturally pink you’d think they’re racist white people in blackface on their way to perform in a minstrel show.

    Follow this guide and you’re sure to make it in and out of computer village with your wallet and genitals intact.

  • 14 Images You’ll Relate To If You’ve Ever Been To Computer Village

    14 Images You’ll Relate To If You’ve Ever Been To Computer Village

    1. You, trying to find a place to actually park your car.

    Nothing more stressful than taking your car to computer village.

    2. When you enter computer village and suddenly become a “fine boy” and “fine girl”.

    Nobody is ugly there.

    3. How the agberos see you when you enter computer village smiling:

    Better start frowning.

    4. You, walking through computer village like:

    The struggle.

    5. When you realize the sun at computer village is different from the sun everywhere else.

    The heat is not smiling.

    6. When someone grabs you for “your pink lips, your piercing, your tattoos!”

    Are you mad?

    7. When people start rushing you with “you wan buy, you wan sell?”

    Leave me, biko.

    8. When someone tells you their shop is “just there” but you’ve been walking for 30 minutes.

    Kuku kill me.

    9. When you touch your pocket and you can’t feel your phone again.

    Chineke!

    10. When you bring out your money to try and count it.

    Hay God!

    11. When they go to the back of the shop to “pack” the phone you just tested.

    That’s how they will pack fufu inside phone case for you.

    12. When you buy an iPhone from one of the agberos at the gate.

    Oshey iPhone by Nokia.

    13. When you take your device to fix one problem and leave with three new ones.

    See my life.

    14. When you come back to your car and see hawkers selling shoes on top your bonnet.

    Hian! From where to where?