Colleagues | Zikoko!

INEC is collating the 2023 election results, tensions are high, and I can bet my last ₦500 that — even though you’ve had to resume work — it’s probably not the first thing on your mind today. Don’t let these colleagues add to what’s already doing you.

The bad news amplifiers

It’s like these ones just turned on post notifications for the most horrible news. Yes, we know everything is going to shit, but please, #ProtectYourMentalHealth.

Team “Why do you care so much?”

If you check it very well, they’re probably already processing their japa papers, so they don’t care what happens. Lucky for you, Angela, but this is my own future.

The overly serious ones

Anyone who’s 100% focused on work today obviously isn’t normal. I said what I said.

The suspiciously happy ones

They might be supporters of a certain overall-best-in-rigging party. You don’t need anyone to tell you they don’t mean you well.

The low-budget INEC officers

They have all the figures from every polling unit in the country. On the bright side, you can always go to them for the latest, but if they’re on your work team, sorry for you because you’ll have to do their work in addition to your own.

The tribal advocates

Avoiding this set of people is just common sense unless you want to get tempted to slap someone’s child and embrace unemployment.

Your boss

Today should’ve been a public holiday. No one should have to answer to capitalism when we’re trying not to die from anxiety.

NEXT READ: How to Keep Going as We Wait for the Election Results

Tife Oni

February 27, 2023

Money

2023 Elections, Colleagues, Inside life, work
1. The amebo, that thinks everyone’s business is his/her birthright.

2. The one whose children are always coming to look for people’s trouble in the office.

3. The funny one, that can turn every and anything into a joke.

4. The lazy one, that never does any work but always want to share in the credit for work done.

5. The party rider, that always has a function to attend even if it’s Monday.

6. The one that’s always bring smelling concoctions in the name of lunch.

7. The fighter, that always has one person or the other to drag to HR.

8. The grumpy one, that doesn’t like associating with people in or out of the office.

9. The one that starts foolish debates every day for fun.

10. The secretive one, that would hide his/her name if it wasn’t necessary information at the office.

Jola Ayeye

January 25, 2017

Oldies

Colleagues, Funny, list, Office, work
1. When you realise it’s time for lunch at the office!

2. When some of your colleagues start eating lunch at 11:15.

3. When one colleague brings stockfish into the office.

4. When another colleague eats pounded yam and can’t function after lunch.

5. When your fit fam colleague won’t let anyone hear word.

6. When the office is now smelling of all sorts and a guest comes into the office.

7. When you open your lunch and people start doing amebo.

8. When a colleague pays for your lunch.

9. When HR tries to stop people from bringing their smelly food.

10. When it’s someone’s birthday so there is small chops and cake along with lunch.

Jola Ayeye

December 23, 2016

Oldies

Colleagues, Food, Lunch, Office, work
1. When you first get to the office and make a new friend

2. When you realise they actually like you and aren’t just pretending.

3. When they start giving you office cheat codes to make your office life easier.

4. When they start offering to pick and drop you off at home.

5. When it’s their birthday and you get the biggest slice of cake.

6. When people think you are working but both of you are just gisting on whatsapp for web.

7. When you start hanging out after work.

8. When someone tries to be friends with both of you, you’re like:

Jola Ayeye

December 19, 2016

Oldies

Colleagues, Friendship, love, Office, relationships
1. When you first join the office and they are unnecessarily territorial.

Is this your house?
2. When they use style to throw you under the bus when something goes wrong at work.

Wow, see betrayal!
3. When you have a group project and they aren’t pulling their weight.

Lazy human beings.
4. When they are always reporting you to your manager.

Will reporting get you to heaven.
5. When they refuse to mind their business about your personal life.

Who asked you please?
6. When they start hounding you to drop them at home after work.

Is that part of my job?
7. When they start giving unsolicited advice like it’s their area of expertise.

Oh please keep quiet.
8. When they remove their shoes in the office and change the smell of the room.

Is that an illness?
9. When they bring stockfish for lunch and stink up the whole place.

Will your insides be okay?
10. When their peer assessment is full of veiled insults as if that’s what they asked them for.

God will reward you, continue!

Jola Ayeye

December 15, 2016

Oldies

co workers, Colleagues, Office, Workers
1. When you first join the office and they go out of their way to make you feel welcome.

2. When they go on holiday and bring you presents.

3. When they rehash any office gist you missed and give you all the details.

4. When they offer to help you do some of your work so you can leave early.

5. When they give you fun nicknames and use them to cheer you up.

6. When they start gisting you about their marital woes and it turns to a comedy situation.

7. When you have a party and they come ready to have a good time.

8. When you fall ill and they come to visit and bring you presents.

9. When the office playlist is on and they start showing their best moves.

Jola Ayeye

December 13, 2016

Oldies

co workers, Colleagues, Friends, Office
1. When they stop picking you up on the way to work.

2. When they start buying breakfast from the yam and egg woman without you.

3. When they don’t use all their teeth to laugh at your jokes anymore.

4. When they start casting you to the HOD when you come late.

5. When they stop buying you little snacks and presents.

6. When they get actually get engaged to their real boyfriend/girlfriend.

7. When they no longer care about how you are getting home.

8. When they no longer crack private jokes with you

Jola Ayeye

November 25, 2016

Oldies

Colleagues, Funny, Office, work, Work husband, Work Wife
1. When your colleagues are always posting jokes in the office group chat.

You people is it everyday?
2. Your colleagues when April fools day is coming.

That’s their own version of Christmas.
3. When anyone cracks a joke in the office, your boss is like:

She even encourages them!
4. When it’s time for lunch, the whole office is like:

Anything to continue their play-play.
5. On any given day, your boss can just decide to start dancing like:

Michael Jackson returns!
6. When an outsider says your office is too playful.

Who asked you please?
7. When a new employee is trying to form serious:

You will soon join us don’t worry!
8. When you change jobs and the people at your new office are over serious.

“I’m in trouble oh!”

Jola Ayeye

November 7, 2016

General

Colleagues, Office, work
1. When you walk into the office and everybody is just frowning.

Who beat you?
2. When you crack a joke and nobody laughs.

Are you people sure you are not made of stone?
3. When you’re trying to be friendly and your colleagues complain you’re too friendly.

If you people are happy will you die?
4. When because of ordinary joke someone goes to report you to your department head.

Okay oh!
5. When someone suggests the 1 hour lunch break is too long and 30 minutes would be better.

Please efficient Eddy, eho asked you?
6. When your other colleagues agree with the oversabi.

These ones are all crazy!
7. When everyone in your office is extra with the dress code.

In this heat, you are wearing jacket and waistcoat? Na wa.
8. When you see your boss coming, you’re like:

The most serious of them all.
9. When you know annual review is coming, you’re like:

Every year they say you are not serious enough!

Jola Ayeye

October 3, 2016

Oldies

Colleagues, Funny, Office

The bad news amplifiers

Team “Why do you care so much?”

The overly serious ones

The suspiciously happy ones

The low-budget INEC officers

The tribal advocates

Your boss

1. The amebo, that thinks everyone’s business is his/her birthright.

2. The one whose children are always coming to look for people’s trouble in the office.

3. The funny one, that can turn every and anything into a joke.

4. The lazy one, that never does any work but always want to share in the credit for work done.

5. The party rider, that always has a function to attend even if it’s Monday.

6. The one that’s always bring smelling concoctions in the name of lunch.

7. The fighter, that always has one person or the other to drag to HR.

8. The grumpy one, that doesn’t like associating with people in or out of the office.

9. The one that starts foolish debates every day for fun.

10. The secretive one, that would hide his/her name if it wasn’t necessary information at the office.

1. When you realise it’s time for lunch at the office!

2. When some of your colleagues start eating lunch at 11:15.

3. When one colleague brings stockfish into the office.

4. When another colleague eats pounded yam and can’t function after lunch.

5. When your fit fam colleague won’t let anyone hear word.

6. When the office is now smelling of all sorts and a guest comes into the office.

7. When you open your lunch and people start doing amebo.

8. When a colleague pays for your lunch.

9. When HR tries to stop people from bringing their smelly food.

10. When it’s someone’s birthday so there is small chops and cake along with lunch.

1. When you first get to the office and make a new friend

2. When you realise they actually like you and aren’t just pretending.

3. When they start giving you office cheat codes to make your office life easier.

4. When they start offering to pick and drop you off at home.

5. When it’s their birthday and you get the biggest slice of cake.

6. When people think you are working but both of you are just gisting on whatsapp for web.

7. When you start hanging out after work.

8. When someone tries to be friends with both of you, you’re like:

1. When you first join the office and they are unnecessarily territorial.

2. When they use style to throw you under the bus when something goes wrong at work.

3. When you have a group project and they aren’t pulling their weight.

4. When they are always reporting you to your manager.

5. When they refuse to mind their business about your personal life.

6. When they start hounding you to drop them at home after work.

7. When they start giving unsolicited advice like it’s their area of expertise.

8. When they remove their shoes in the office and change the smell of the room.

9. When they bring stockfish for lunch and stink up the whole place.

10. When their peer assessment is full of veiled insults as if that’s what they asked them for.

1. When you first join the office and they go out of their way to make you feel welcome.

2. When they go on holiday and bring you presents.

3. When they rehash any office gist you missed and give you all the details.

4. When they offer to help you do some of your work so you can leave early.

5. When they give you fun nicknames and use them to cheer you up.

6. When they start gisting you about their marital woes and it turns to a comedy situation.

7. When you have a party and they come ready to have a good time.

8. When you fall ill and they come to visit and bring you presents.

9. When the office playlist is on and they start showing their best moves.

1. When they stop picking you up on the way to work.

2. When they start buying breakfast from the yam and egg woman without you.

3. When they don’t use all their teeth to laugh at your jokes anymore.

4. When they start casting you to the HOD when you come late.

5. When they stop buying you little snacks and presents.

6. When they get actually get engaged to their real boyfriend/girlfriend.

7. When they no longer care about how you are getting home.

8. When they no longer crack private jokes with you

1. When your colleagues are always posting jokes in the office group chat.

2. Your colleagues when April fools day is coming.

3. When anyone cracks a joke in the office, your boss is like:

4. When it’s time for lunch, the whole office is like:

5. On any given day, your boss can just decide to start dancing like:

6. When an outsider says your office is too playful.

7. When a new employee is trying to form serious:

8. When you change jobs and the people at your new office are over serious.

1. When you walk into the office and everybody is just frowning.

2. When you crack a joke and nobody laughs.

3. When you’re trying to be friendly and your colleagues complain you’re too friendly.

4. When because of ordinary joke someone goes to report you to your department head.

5. When someone suggests the 1 hour lunch break is too long and 30 minutes would be better.

6. When your other colleagues agree with the oversabi.

7. When everyone in your office is extra with the dress code.

8. When you see your boss coming, you’re like:

9. When you know annual review is coming, you’re like: