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  • Sunken Ships: My Mother Never Loved Me

    Sunken Ships: My Mother Never Loved Me

    Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    The subject of this week’s Sunken Ships, Chris* (23), tells us about his relationship with his mother. How she never wanted him to be born nor showed any emotional affection towards him and what it’s like watching her start a new life without him

    Tell me about your earlier memories of your mum 

    Chris: For as long as I can remember, my mum never wanted me. She got pregnant by a man she didn’t know had a wife and child in another country. When she found out, she was devastated. I think she carried all of that resentment and hatred to me. 

    She worked in a bank and was very busy so various nannies raised me. My mum would have left before I woke up and would come back by the time I’d gone to sleep. I remember not seeing her for a whole month. It’s not like she travelled. We lived in the same house, but during weekends and holidays, she’d stay in her room and I’d stay in mine. That was my normal. 

    When did you realise it wasn’t normal? 

    Chris: School. In primary school, I interacted with other children that actually spent time with their mothers. One of my classmates even said that when he’s ill, he goes to his parents’ room and lays on their bed because it makes him feel much better. I had never been allowed to stay in my mother’s room without her permission, talk less of laying on her bed. I was in awe. 

    When I was 9 years old and a bit under the weather, I crept into her room while she was at work and slept on her bed. I just wanted to see what it was like. When she came back, she beat me so hard she removed a milk tooth. She told me never to try that again, and I didn’t. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: There’s Not Much I Need My Father for Now

    I’m so sorry 

    Chris: My mother was never emotionally present, and her room felt like the only space in the house where she could forget I existed. Seeing me there must have spoilt that. 

    When she sent me to boarding school when I was 11 years old, it was the happiest she’d been. She never came for my visiting days or PTA meetings. I made a friend whose parents basically adopted me as their own. They tried to make me feel less alone and I appreciated it. 

    I wish my mum were more involved, but I realised she needed to provide for us. I just wish she showed me a bit more emotion. Do you know she only told me she loved me once? 

    Can you explain? 

    Chris: I was 18 years old and had just graduated from secondary school. When the ceremony was over, she hugged me and told me she was proud of me and loved me. She’d never mentioned it again since then. 

    Do you love her? 

    Chris: I do. The older I got, the more I realised that she’d never love me, but it didn’t stop me from loving her. Now I love her out of fear and I no longer try to do things to please her. If I have to decide between something that’ll make me happy or something that’ll make her happy, I’ll choose myself. 

    She never failed to remind me that the only reason she worked so hard to provide me with all the chances life has to offer was so nobody could ever use it to insult her. She provided and cared for me, so asking for love was too much. I got the memo, but I wish it didn’t take so long. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: My Cousin Grew Up

    How did her words make you feel? 

    Chris: It made me aware of my place in her life. As I said, my love for her changed the more she told me those things. I also felt bad for her. Imagine having this much hate in your heart for someone who never did you anything wrong. It must be difficult. 

    What’s your relationship with her like now? 

    Chris: I moved out of her house in 2020. So, we hardly see each other. She also remarried in 2021 and I had no idea till the wedding day. 

    How come you didn’t know? 

    Chris:  She never bothered to reach out to me except she needed something, and she didn’t feel like including me in her new life. The only reason I knew about the wedding was that I saw it on her WhatsApp status. I knew she was dating the guy, but I didn’t know anything else. 

    God abeg. I’m so sorry.

    Chris: It’s okay. I’m pretty happy with where I am now. She’s making a conscious effort to have a child with this new man she married and I hope it works out. Maybe she’d treat this one differently than me. At least she’d finally have a child she wanted. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: Homophobia Made Us Go From Best Friends to Strangers

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • QUIZ: Are You Your Father’s Child?

    QUIZ: Are You Your Father’s Child?

    You must want to find out if you’re your father’s child. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you.

    Prisca

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  • QUIZ: If You Had Friends With 12/20 Of These Names, You Were A Really Obedient Kid

    QUIZ: If You Had Friends With 12/20 Of These Names, You Were A Really Obedient Kid

    You think we can’t figure out how obedient you were as a child? Try us:

    Tick the names of friends you had in your childhood:

    Ifeoluwa Apantaku

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  • QUIZ: If You Get 10/21 On This Quiz, You Were A Troublesome Child

    QUIZ: If You Get 10/21 On This Quiz, You Were A Troublesome Child

    Were you as gentle as a dove or were you a troublesome child? What you score on this quiz will expose you.

    Select all that apply to you:

    Tuntamilore

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  • QUIZ: What Kind Of Child Will You Have?

    QUIZ: What Kind Of Child Will You Have?

    Will you have a very troublesome child or a quiet one? Take this quiz to find out.

    Tuntamilore

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  • QUIZ: Can We Guess If You’re The First, Middle, Last Or Only Child?

    QUIZ: Can We Guess If You’re The First, Middle, Last Or Only Child?

    Being the first, middle, last or only child definitely affects your behaviour in a bunch of ways. So, we created a quiz that can accurately (well, almost) guess which one you are. Answer as truthfully as possible, and we just might surprise you.

    Go ahead:

    NerdEfiko

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  • This Picture Of Cardi B Is Breaking The Internet.

    If you happened to skip the topic, I’d fill you in. There is a picture currently disturbing the internet.

    It’s a picture of Cardi b when she was a little kid.

    “Okay, but why is this my business?” I’d tell you why.

    It’s simply because this picture takes you right back to when you were younger.

    It’s accurate in every sense you could possibly think of.

    For example.

    My mummy said I should tell you that..

    ..you must play with me.

    Aunty, I should write the names of noise makers?

    Abi?

    You were making noise.

    That’s why I wrote your name.

    Ahn ahn uncle but that’s not how they taught us in school.

    Mummy I think my lesson teacher is teaching me rubbish.

    My daddy said that when I enter secondary school.

    He will buy phone for me.

    Good afternoon ma,

    My mummy said I should tell you that she’s not around.

    Don’t tell mummy I brought a girl to the house o.

    Okay brother.

    Mummy welcome,

    Uncle Ayo said I should not tell you that he brought a girl to the house.

    Uncle Ayo, Mummy said you should change it to cartoon for me.

    You’ve been watching ball since morning.

    Aunty,

    Please I want to go and wee wee?

    They gave me injection in the hospital, I did not even cry.

    It was not even painful

    Ha! You’re telling lies.

    All liars shall go to hell and perish in the lake of fire.

    In Jesus’ Name, I pray my mummy will not die, I pray my daddy will not die, I pray my sister will not die, I pray my brother will not die, I pray my friends will not die, I pray my teacher will not die.

    In Jesus’ name I’ve prayed.

    Before we close, let’s say a prayer for Cardi as she has brought some joy to the internet with this picture.

    Also, because she’s going to deliver her baby girl veryyyy soon.

    Eniola

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  • All The Good And Bad Things About Being A Parent

    1. When you have a baby, ALL your relatives will want to give the child their own official name.

    How many names do you want my child to have? Please go away.

    2. Having kids means you now have little versions of you that you can send on pointless errands whenever you feel like.

    “Segun! Come from upstairs and give me this remote that is two inches away from my hand.”

    3. When your child gives you attitude so you have no choice but to whoop their ass.

    As a father, channel your inner Jackie Chan. As a mother, channel your inner Charlie’s Angel.

    4. But deep down it hurts you to see your child in pain but you know that if you spare the rod, you’ll spoil the child.

    My chest.

    5. This is you when you find out how much school fees are these days.

    HAAAAY!

    6. But you want the best for child so you still pay.

    Everything I do is for you, my child.

    7. When your child does well in school you’ll be like

    YAAASS! THAT IS THE SEED OF MY LOINS!!!!

    8. This will be you if you find out that your child refuses to learn anything and is failing terribly.

    What is happening???

    9. When your child becomes a teenager and starts raising shoulder for you.

    See this one sha oh.

    10. You will be happy to see your child now making friends and learning how to navigate life on their own.

    My work is almost done.

    11. But then you worry that they might join bad gang.

    God pls no.

    12. You will also worry that they are now doing “bad thing” so you’ll tell them this.

    Also, tell them if they have sex, they’ll die.

    Truth is, being a parent has a lot of ups and downs. Just look at this video

    If you enjoyed this, read this next article about the Nigerian parent’s guide to sex education.

    The Nigerian Parent’s Guide To ‘Sex Education’

    Astor George

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  • The Story Behind This Adorable Meme Will Melt Your Heart

    The Story Behind This Adorable Meme Will Melt Your Heart

    Let’s face it, we have the internet to thank for blessing us with so many awesome memes like this.

    Every meme definitely has a back story and the one of this little boy- Jake will make you smile.

    Jake Amo who is only 4 was captured in this viral photo, writing pensively at a local creative workshop which was organised in his village of Asempanaye, Koforidua, in Ghana.

    Solomon Adufah, the US-based Ghanaian artist, who put the workshop together described Jake as a gentle and quiet little boy on his Instagram page. But little did he know how viral the picture would go.

    On top of being famous, a trust fund for Jake’s education/welfare is already in the works! Yass!

    So next time your parents accuse you of ‘always pressing your phone’, just remind them of Jake, Olajumoke and other amazing people that became internet sensations.

    Maryam

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  • 10 Times This Picture Perfectly Described Hilarious Situations

    10 Times This Picture Perfectly Described Hilarious Situations

    This picture of this cute school pupil just went viral and people all over the internet just won’t stop talking about it.

    1. When you meet that annoying cashier at the bank.

    2. He’s basically us in every exam hall.

    https://twitter.com/pyepar/status/791202036947775488

    3. Someone even put a weave on him.

    4. When you finally find a job after waiting for so long.

    5. How you withdraw your last card from the bank.

    6. When the angel in heaven wants to act childish.

    7. This one for all the oversabi class captains in the world.

    8. As per the economy is not smiling.

    9. How Pogba sharply signed his Man-U deal.

    10. When people won’t stop hating on your swag.

    11. Where can we sign up abeg?

    https://twitter.com/_Spesh_/status/789346375062396928

    Maryam

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  • The Stress Of Following Your Nigerian Mother To The Market

    The Stress Of Following Your Nigerian Mother To The Market

    1. You, when your mother says you’re going to the market with her.

    The stress begins.

    2. How she holds her purse when she is walking through the market:

    Can’t risk it, abeg.

    3. When she passes the first shop selling it N500 and walks 30 minutes to buy it for N490 from her customer.

    Na wa.

    4. When she starts pricing and you actually feel like she is cheating the seller.

    Mummy, take it easy na.

    5. You, after she successfully prices from N2000 down to N200.

    Even though it took forever.

    6. When your mother that said she just wanted to buy meat is now pricing lace.

    How did we get here?

    7. When people are still grabbing and shouting at you with your mother right there.

    Hian! Do I look like the one with the money?

    8. You, constantly trying to keep up with how fast she is walking:

    Chai! Slow down na.

    9. When she sees one of her friends and they just stand there gisting.

    Kuku kill me.

    10. When your mum said you’d be done in an hour and you look at the time:

    The lies.

    11. When your mother leaves your hand in a crowd and you can’t find her again.

    Hay God!

    12. You, after making your 4th trip to the car to drop off what she bought.

    I just can’t.

    13. Your hand, after you spend the whole day carrying her bag:

    The struggle.

    14. When you finally leave the market smelling like stockfish.

    UGH!

    Daniel Orubo

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  • How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian Child

    How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian Child

    1. You have to come out of the womb knowing how to wash dishes and sweep the house.

    Why else do you think you were born?

    2. You have to be very talented but you cannot become a musician.

    Use your talents to entertain us around the house.

    3. If you are having academic issues, keep it to yourself.

    All your parents want to see are those As.

    4. As a Nigerian child, your career options are limited to Doctor, Engineer, Lawyer…maybe Accountant.

    In that order. The lower you go, the more disappointing you are.

    5. You’re a child, so everything that goes wrong in the house is your fault.

    …even when it isn’t, just accept the beating.

    6. As a Nigerian child you need to be self sufficient from babyhood.

    Wake yourself up, dress yourself up and drive yourself to school.

    7. You should have no social life, but you must get married at the appointed time.

    No one cares how you do it, just make it happen.

    8. Remember to never ask questions, challenge your parents or disagree.

    You’re a child, you have no opinions.

    9. Don’t try to have a conversation with your parents. You should be seen not heard.

    Okay?

    10. Anticipate your parents’ needs, so that you can fulfill it before they even ask.

    That’s a good boy!

    11. You should have all the available meanings of ‘kini’ at your fingertips so that when your mom says “Bring my Kini”, you’re there.

    This is it!

    12. If your mother ever has to make her own meals or wash a dish, you have failed as a child.

    Just so you know.

    Odunayo

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  • 15 Pictures That Accurately Describe The Life Of A Middle Child

    15 Pictures That Accurately Describe The Life Of A Middle Child

    1. Half the time, everyone forgets that you exist.

    You can run away and no one would notice.

    2. But when it’s time for chores you are stuck with the ones your older and younger siblings don’t want.

    I’m not even mad.

    3. When there are 4 of you and they even treat the second born better than you.

    Na wa oh! I’m not even really in the middle.

    4. When your siblings are arguing and you know you have to solve it.

    I didn’t ask for this.

    5. You’re constantly being bullied by the oldest and annoyed by the youngest.

    This isn’t even life.

    6. Somehow you’re blamed for everything. Because the oldest is too old to have done it and the youngest is too young to do it.

    But I’m the perfect criminal? Great!

    7. When your achievements don’t mean as much because your elder sibling already did it and your younger sibling will also do it.

    So basically no need.

    8. When your mom calls you every other siblings’ name except your own.

    No, these are not tears.

    9. When you suck up and do oversabi yet no one ever notices or gives you credit.

    Hay God!

    10. Whenever you remember that you were once the last born and you notice your younger sibling.

    Kai God!

    11. When your mom comes to pick her kids at school but she forgets you.

    I’m here! Jesus!

    12. Everyone in the house has a nickname but no one can be bothered to give you one.

    Give me a nickname. Any nickname!

    13. When your birthday isn’t enough of an event to be remembered.

    Don’t mind me. This is only the day I came into the world.

    14. For some reason, everyone assumes you require less attention than other kids.

    Why?!

    15. But you get away with doing so many things because everyone forgets that you exist.

    Winning!

    Odunayo

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