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  • The Afrobeats Stars with The Coolest Cars

    Wizkid might have gagged the girlies with his bicycle in 2011, but it’s 2023 and old things have passed away. The singer boasts of one of the most expensive garages among his peers, spotting cars like the Rolls Royce Cullinan and Mercedes Maybach.

    But Machala is not the only afrobeats artiste who goes hard on his rides, we’ve compiled a list with all the details.

    Davido

    Source: Instagram/@davido

    When OBO isn’t splashing millions on iced-out jewellery, he’s copping the limited edition Virgil Abloh Maybach for a whopping ₦450 million.

    While this is his latest known car purchase, Davido took delivery of a Lamborghini Aventador that cost him ₦310 million in 2022 and a Rolls Royce Cullinan worth ₦240 million in 2021.

    Burna Boy

    If Burna Boy’s almost-instant replacement of his crashed Ferrari is anything to go by, then you’d know his garage takes top priority in his affairs.

    The Grammy-nominated singer has an impressive fleet that includes a Lamborghini Urus (Novitec Edition), Rolls Royce Dawn convertible ($346k), Mercedes Maybach and Lamborghini Aventador SVJ ($1m).

    Wizkid

    Starboy has a reputation for keeping a low profile, but the singer made headlines in September 2022 after an auto-dealer announced he’d placed an order for seven cars.

    Wizkid’s order included a Rolls Royce Cullinan, Mercedes Maybach V-Class and Lamborghini Aventador. Fast forward to March 2023, the singer added the 2022 Black Badge Rolls Royce Cullinan (₦600m) to his collection. Wizkid copped yet another Rolls Royce in April 2023.

    READ ALSO: 9 Hilarious Car Names Nigerians Invented

    P-Square

    The brothers have been known to flaunt pictures of their luxury garages on social media.

    Peter Okoye AKA Mr P owns a Ford Mustang, Range Rover, Mercedes Benz G-Wagon, Jeep Wrangler and Porsche 718 Cayman.

    Paul Okoye AKA King Rudy’s fleet includes a Lamborghini Aventador Roadster, Bentley Bentayga, Jeep Wrangler, BMW X6, Range Rover and a Lamborghini Huracan.

    [ad]

    Tiwa Savage

    African Bad Gyal doesn’t seem to fancy exotic rides as much as the boys. Her last notable purchase was a customised Mercedes Benz V250 ( ₦60 million) in 2019. 

    Olamide

    The YBNL boss set the internet ablaze during the 2020 COVID year when he copped a Lamborghini Aventador (₦218 million). But that’s not the only high-end whip in Baddo’s garage. In 2022, the singer once again turned faces in his direction after casually stepping out of a Rolls Royce Ghost sedan.

    Portable

    Although he keeps crashing his rides, Portable has built himself quite an impressive garage since he took off in 2021. His first major car was a Range Rover he received as a gift from a fan. Portable would go on to acquire a second Range Rover SUV after his first one was allegedly vandalized by “area boys” in Ikorodu. He’s gotten a G-Wagon Brabus and BMW X3 since then.

    We’re throwing the biggest meat festival in Lagos. Grab your tickets to Burning Ram here.

    Adeyinka Odutuyo

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  • 9 Hilarious Car Names Nigerians Invented

    Nigerians don’t really care about car names and models. We just call them whatever we like. Check out these hilariously Nigerian names for cars we hear everyday.

    Big daddy or Big for nothing (Toyota Camry) 

    This is just an unfair name because it’s giving “Segun GTBank” caller ID vibes, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the car.

     

    Evil spirit (Honda Accord 2011/2012)

    Nigerians got this one right. A car can’t look this sexy without a sprinkle of ogbanje. Such a befitting name, if we’re being honest.

    End of discussion (Honda Accord 2003/2005)

    This was the first car version of “drops mic”. Maybe it’s old-fashioned now, but you’d turn heads if you drove this to a party back in the days.

    Discussion continues (Honda Accord 2006 – 2010)

    The end-of-discussion vehicle realised it still had much more to say. So Nigerians had to invent “Discussion continues”.

    Ijapa (Volkswagen Type 1)

    Not only does this bad boy look like a tortoise, it moves like one too. We don’t need to say much more. It’s hard to believe this car made you a baller once upon a time in Nigeria.

    Pencil (Toyota Camry 1999)

    You’d think this car got its name from its shape. Nope. It’s the headlights. Apparently, the car was launched at a time when people were obsessed with headlights.

    Muscle (Toyota Camry 2007)

    This is what you get when Pencil puts on some weight (or “goes to the gym”). Nigerians saw the result and christened it “Camry Muscle”. Such creativity!

    Regular (The 1980 Mercedes Benz 200)

    The name is a little misleading with this one. Not only is this car giving October 1st, 1960, but you were a baller if you owned it back in the 80’s too. It was the ultimate status symbol.

    “Pijoh” — pronounced pee-joe (Peugeot Pick-up)

    This vehicle would carry Nigeria’s problems if you allow it.

    NEXT READ: 9 Throwback Cars You Old People Will Remember

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • QUIZ: Only Smart People Can Score 10/10 On This Car Spelling Quiz

    You come across them daily, but can you spell these car brands correctly if you were randomly asked to?

    Well, test yourself. Take this quiz.

    QUIZ: Can You Identify These Popular Cars By Their Logos?

    Let’s see if you are good with logos as you are with spellings (or not).

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • 4 Nigerians Talk About Their Wildest Driving Experiences In Lagos

    Lagos is the real definition of “Ghetto”. Sleeping in your own house is stressful. Going out nko? A constant battle which you have to wear an amour of craziness to win, or emerge alive at least.

    One of such battles is driving. We spoke with 4 Nigerians on their wildest driving experiences in Lagos, and this is what they had to say.

    Lade, 25

    There was the time that the front axle of my car came off (as happens with Hondas). I had just turned off the exit coming from Ilupeju onto Ikorodu road. While I was still trying to figure out what was happening, some idiot drove past and was shouting “but your car would have been giving you sign!” Which yeye sign? That night was all shades of drama. From the agberos that quickly came to cash out, to the LASTMA that kept airing me even after I called and told them I feared my life was in danger. It was a good Samaritan that stopped, stayed with me and helped call an independent tow truck to get me home. And even on the journey home, another set of agberos tried to unhook the car at a filling station, and I literally had to hop into the moving truck.The moral of this plenty story; don’t drive in Lagos, it is the absolute ghetteaux!

    Jess, 27

    My friend is the real definition of ghetto. Apparently, she thinks the best time to chill with movies is when she’s driving on the express. She puts her phone on the dashboard while the rest of us serve as her emergency alarm brake for when she’s about to hit a car in front. The wildest part is: when we try to caution her she talks about how she likes her life more than us. She uses the fact that she’s a woman to escape all that Lagos police and LASTMA drama, especially when she was pregnant. She would hold her stomach after passing one way. LOL.

    J.D, 30

    One morning, around Chevron tollgate, I encountered some woman driving a very nice late model Jeep. She seemed to think it was Fast and Furious, because she almost made me have an accident twice, so I moved to the very last lane and left her to her devices. At the next traffic light however, someone hit my car from behind and when I came down to check, it was this Jeep aunty. While we were trying to sort it out, another woman in a Sienna stopped beside us and shouted “You this woman that just bashed my car, you’ve come to do it here again?” At this point, I just told her to make sure she didn’t kill anybody and got into the car, because I’ve never seen anybody jam twice in the same traffic.

    Jey, 24

    There was the day I was learning how to drive and I just got fed up. I switched off the engine and said I was not doing again. My driving instructor was begging me, but I wasn’t having it. Then a trailer started coming towards us, and I told my driving instructor that I was too scared to drive. He had to take over the wheel and save us. There’s also the time that I was driving and I almost ran over a secondary school student. One minute it was just the road, next there was a green and white uniform. The kind of James Bond driving I did that day, phew! Would you believe that after all of this they said I passed the driving class? How? Anyway, I’ve never stepped my foot in a car to drive since I finished the driving class in 2019. I Uber everywhere or take a bike or Keke if it’s really close.

    See? Even the Fast and Furious crew will give Lagos drivers accolades. This weekend, DStv will be opening a new pop-up channel dedicated to the Fast & Furious franchise. Anticipate and avoid Lagos roads till then.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • 7 Luxury Cars On Finding Themselves In Nigeria Against Their Will

    Last week, we spoke to babies about finding themselves in Nigeria against their will. Now, we’ve spoken to a few more frustrated inanimate objects for our Interview With… series.

    We sat down with some of the most luxurious cars in the world to tell us their experience on Nigerian roads.

    Tesla

    Please, I am a Tesla, not a Toyota put some respect on my name. Have you seen the roads? Ehn? Because you have 24hrs light in your Ikoyi house doesn’t mean you can drive me on your Lagos roads. They even tried to ‘’service me’’ ah. Elon Musk should come and carry me, please. I am tired of Nigeria.

    McLaren

    As you can see, I’m beautiful, exotic and fast, which means I really wasn’t made for the mess that is Nigerian roads. It’s so annoying. They buy me and put me in their house like I’m just for decoration. Maybe buy a Honda instead.

    Bugatti, Abuja

    I only come out of the house on Sundays when they want to do ‘’Need for Speed Abuja edition’’. Abuja roads are a little good, so I’m not even suffering like my mates in Lagos. Those ones are seeing life.

    Bugatti, Lagos

    Hay God. Have you seen me? I was stuck in traffic for 5hrs! 5hrs. I’m supposed to be fast, but it seems my owner thinks I’m only good for showing off because I don’t understand. Buy a Range Rover, please, stop stressing me.

    Koenigsegg

    So far, no one has bought me, but I know Dino Melaye is already indicating interest. I’m hoping he goes bankrupt before the purchase, Inshallah. He wants to subject me to boredom and under-use like the other cars he has in his house.

    Hyundai Kona Electric Car

    I’m not even ‘’luxury’’ per say, but it’s still hilarious that they brought me to Nigeria. Is there even light to see road that they want to be using electric rechargeable cars? Lmfao. They’ve unveiled me now, let’s see what follows.

    Ferrari

    I was built for speed oh, but they will be driving in 20km/hr Lagos traffic. I don’t even remember my function again. All I get now is ‘’Aww I saw one fine Ferrari in traffic’’ or ‘’That’s the Ferrari I told you about’’. Is that my work?

    Lamborghini

    I’ve been in the mechanic workshop for almost six months, something small spoilt in me and the mechanic fixed it with Honda spare part, that’s how I packed up. I’m better here sha than on Nigerian roads.

    Ibukun

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  • All The Things We Do To Pass The Time In Traffic

    1. Listen to your colleagues that begged you for a ride complain about the AC and your music.

    2. Binge on all the delicacies available in traffic.

    3. Observe all the couples fighting in their own cars.

    4. Ignore all the phone calls from your significant other because you don’t have power for fight.

    5. Check instagram to see whether all your frenemies have liked your latest post.

    6. Insult all the bus conductors and other drivers in Lagos.

    7. Catch up on gossip with your best friend.

    8. Check whats going on in your all group chats.

    9. Have a praise and worship session in the car.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The Unofficial Guide To Crossing Roads In Nigeria

    1. “Look left, look right, look left again” does not work in Nigeria.

    That rule is just for people abroad oh!

    2. You still have to look both ways before crossing a one-way street.

    Or else one molue driver will just come and clear you.

    3. If you don’t kneel down and beg each car to stop, you’ll just be waiting there like:

    Get your ‘ejo o’ face ready.

    4. If this isn’t you:

    Then zebra crossings are not your concern.

    5. Because zebra crossings are nothing but Tom-Tom adverts to Nigerians.

    Don’t even risk it.

    6. Run, even though the road is completely free.

    One trailer can just appear at any time.

    7. Nigerian drivers accelerating to jam you like:

    They cannot see you crossing the road and let you be.

    8. Just because one driver stops for you, doesn’t mean the others will.

    They will see one car stopping but won’t even try and slow down.

    9. Pedestrian bridges are really just there for decoration.

    Real Nigerians just run across the road.

    10. When it rains, just expect Nigerians to splash water on you.

    They will actually target the puddle and drive into it.

    11. Nigerians are colour blind, so red light isn’t necessarily an opportunity to cross.

    Still look well before chooking leg.

    Daniel Orubo

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  • 14 Pictures That Describe The Daily Struggles of People With Faulty Cars

    1. When you wake up and remember you have to drive to work

    Stress!

    2. Starting your car and you see four new indicator lights on

    Na wa oh!

    3. So you have to pray for the car with everything you have

    This car will take me to work in Jesus name.

    4. Driving as carefully as possible

    Because any small bump is suicidal for your car.

    5. Checking the road every 100 meters to see if there are potholes

    Shock absorber don cost.

    6. When people invite you for a gathering you have to drive to

    Not today pls, my grandfathers grandson died we are burying him today.

    7. You when you’re passing by your mechanic

    What is a mechanic?

    8. But then nemesis catches up with you and the car won’t start

    Even after all my prayers and anointing oil. I’m not crying.

    9. Your mechanic when he sees you stranded checking your bonnet

    Mr playing hide and seek. Mr Mechanic avoider. Dodging all the mechanics. Managing the car like a manager.

    10. So you have to head to your mechanic

    Have mercy oh, Oga Samuel

    11. When your mechanic starts calling out everything that is wrong with your car

    All these things, only this small car.

    12. Calculating the least amount of money you can spend

    Servicing: N5k, brake pad: N6k, injector cleaning: N5k.

    13. You trying to negotiate with your mechanic

    Please abeg, epp me.

    14. When you end up driving away with a half serviced car

    Let me go and manage it abeg.

    Tobi Smith

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