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Business | Zikoko!
  • “The Nigerian Market Is Pure Chaos”— Lola Akintola on Running a Tech-Enabled Food Business

    Image: Canva AI

    In 2014, Omolola Akintola left the US for Nigeria with a dream. She’d spent the last seven to eight years getting her degrees — a BSc in Economics, an MBA and an MSc in Marketing — and knew she didn’t want a long-term banking or consulting career.

    “I wanted to do something different, something that didn’t already exist,” Lola tells me. “I wanted my own startup so I could solve a problem and impact Nigeria.”

    She decided on greenhouse farming. Nigeria’s fine dining scene was on the rise and with it, the need for fresh produce. Lola predicted that it’d be difficult to keep up with importing produce like fresh strawberries and herbs, necessitating a need for all-year-round cultivation — the perfect market for a greenhouse farm.

    But setting it up isn’t a small investment. The cost of a small 250 square meter-sized greenhouse averages ₦3m now, and Lola had big plans. Bigger than just one greenhouse. 

    “I knew what I wanted to do would involve a lot of money,” Lola says. “I planned to stay and work in the US for a few more years to raise capital for the farm and then return. But I fell in love with my partner and returned to Nigeria much earlier — let’s hope my dad doesn’t read this. Greenhouse farming was still the plan  — specifically, a 10-year plan. I just needed to work for some years in Nigeria before that could happen.”

    Soon after returning to Nigeria, Lola found a job at Access Bank, one of the country’s big four banks.

    “I enjoyed my time at Access. I worked in the strategy department, and I felt useful. I loved the fast-paced, exciting environment. I was going to stay at the bank for years so I’d have saved enough for my greenhouse farm.”

    However, Lola only spent a few months before she resigned to pursue another business idea.

    A “breakfast for the skilled middle-class” business opportunity 

    Working at the Access Bank head office in Victoria Island opened Lola’s eyes to two things. 

    First, the 9-5 life for young professionals in Lagos is hard. She had to leave her home in VGC before 6 a.m. if she hoped to beat traffic and get to work by 8 a.m. Returning home wasn’t easier as long hours at work meant she often had to leave the office at 10 p.m.

    Secondly, her new lifestyle meant she never had time to grab breakfast or prep food. This wasn’t a problem peculiar to her.

    “My colleagues had the same problem. The higher-ups could afford to get in-house chefs or maids to bring them food. Married guys didn’t have to worry about food because they had someone else doing that labour for them. But the single men and women — mostly millennials — didn’t have time to cook their own food.”

    Lola also noticed something interesting. The skilled middle-class wasn’t willing to rely only on roadside food.

    “It was 2015 in Lagos, and people had disposable income. There was always a concert or show happening during the weekend, and people could afford to go. I had 9-5 friends in different industries too, and I knew that the average millennial Lagosian liked going to cafés on the Island to treat themselves to brunch on weekends. What if they didn’t have to wait for the weekend to treat themselves? What if they could have nice, fancy breakfasts delivered to them daily?”

    And Milk and Honey Gourmet Services was born.

    Building a tech-enabled food business

    “In business school, we discussed how businesses are gradually going online,” Lola says. “Buildings are disappearing, and people are exploring new ways of doing business. When I got the idea for a breakfast business, I knew I didn’t need to invest resources in a physical restaurant.”

    It made economic sense to run her new idea as a subscription-based service, where customers could subscribe to a meal plan, pay and get their food delivered daily. This way, Lola didn’t have to worry about buying ingredients in bulk and hoping that the power supply was regular enough to store them.

    She did a trial run with her sister and some friends first. “I’d close from work and prep the meals I wanted to send to them the next day. My menu included local and international (mostly American) cuisine. Most of what I did was self-taught and by reading recipe books. I already had a passion for cooking and wanted to attend culinary school to get professional skills, but that would’ve meant sponsoring myself and an additional two years of study. So, I decided to just start.

    I’d wake up really early to cook and send the meals through my sister’s driver to save costs. Interest grew when other colleagues at work noticed my sister and friends having meals like tortilla wraps and quesadillas for breakfast.”

    The referrals flew in, and Milk and Honey became a full-fledged business in 2015. Lola offered different meal plans, from the Bronze subscription plan (breakfast-only) at ₦7,500 weekly to the Platinum plan (including lunch) at ₦20k/weekly, with customised recipes designed to replicate the fine dining experience.

    She did that for a few weeks before deciding she could no longer juggle it with her 9-5 at the bank.

    “But I was wary about leaving because I had senior colleagues who loved me. Fortunately, I had to report to the NYSC orientation camp soon after, and I used the opportunity to resign. I couldn’t bring myself to do it face-to-face.”

    Without the distractions from her 9-5, Lola could now give her full attention to building her business. And she did exactly that, but there was a lot to figure out.

    “I was new in the country with a lot of theoretical knowledge. But I didn’t know how to get the right people to bring my vision to life. I was building a tech-enabled startup, so I needed to know where to find experienced website developers. Also, I knew the kind of packaging I wanted, but I needed someone who knew how and where to get materials to make it happen. My lawyer-sister helped with filling me in on legal registrations and regulations, but I needed someone who knew how to run a business specific to Nigeria — a partner.”

    Olumide Akinsola became that person. Introduced through mutual friends, Olumide was the key to connecting Lola to everything she needed for her new startup.

    “Olumide had a guy for everything,” Lola says. “We discussed the brand image, website and operations. It was like a meeting of the minds. He immediately saw the vision and ran with it. We created a system and knew it would work. We were creating the next big thing.”

    Slow and steady [and expensive] growth

    Naturally, running a business involves spending money. While Lola didn’t have to invest in a physical restaurant, she had to spend on chefs and kitchen assistants, branding, digital marketing and delivery bikes.

    “I didn’t get external funding, and my parents’ support only extended to them allowing me to cook out of the home kitchen and using my dad’s car for delivery initially,” Lola explains. “I get it, though. My dad didn’t understand why I left my US degrees to come and cook.” 

    However, as Milk and Honey’s clientele expanded to over 300 subscribers, running the business out of her parents’ kitchen became impossible, so she had to rent a ₦1.1m/year kitchen space and office. 

    “I’d saved about $20k over 7-8 years working summer jobs in the US, and most of it went into keeping the business running between 2015 and 2018. It shouldn’t have cost that much, but like Temple Run, Nigeria kept bringing us new hurdles to jump over.”

    Inflation and the adverse effects of government policies

    In 2017, the Lagos State government announced a ban on commercial motorcycle (okada) and tricycle (keke) movements on major highways, bridges and roads. This wasn’t the first time the state would restrict bike activities — the last ban was in 2012 — but the new ban affected hundreds of routes, including Yaba, Surulere, Ikeja and the entire Lagos Island. These areas were the major hotspots for Milk and Honey’s activities.

    Image: Tribune Online

    “We initially bought two bikes for delivery,” Lola says. “But when the government impounds one, you have to go and beg, which affects delivery time. At one point, it was like we had to buy proper motorcycles that didn’t look like okada. 

    We did that, but we still ran into problems. When it became too much, we partnered with Gokada — the government allowed their bikes on the road. That cost us an extra ₦5k/day for each bike.”

    With Nigeria’s age-long power supply problem and the need to keep generators running to preserve ingredients, Lola also had fuel price increases and scarcity to worry about. In 2016, fuel prices rose from ₦87 to ₦145 and maintained the same price between 2017 and 2018. However, frequent scarcity increased the price slightly at several points in the same period.

    “It was just hard. I had to maintain relationships with several fuel station managers because no one knew when fuel would suddenly become scarce again.”

    On top of all that, the naira kept falling against the dollar. By 2017, it had fallen to ₦300/dollar as against ₦197 to the dollar in the previous year. For an importation-heavy country like Nigeria, this led to a steep rise in the cost of packaging material Lola needed to keep her business going.

    “We tried multiple things to keep our costs low. We started a recycling drive and encouraged our customers to return their plates for a discount, but it didn’t do much to minimise expenses,” Lola explains. “I also never paid myself a salary — even though I made sure my eight regular staff were never owed, but it was a lot of money. We had no choice but to increase the prices of some of our plans.”

    Even as Milk and Honey was fighting for its life, the customers were fighting for theirs, too. 

    “People could no longer afford to pay ₦7,500 weekly (without delivery) for breakfast. It wasn’t like they were moving to different brands. There were just more important things they had to pay for or prioritise. When I started the business, I argued that people would always eat. Now it became clear that, yes, people would always eat. But what they ate was a different question. Bread and eggs could fill them just as much as a BLT sandwich.

    For most of my bronze plan subscribers, the service was initially a small price to pay for luxury. But when the economy took a nosedive, it became a luxury they couldn’t afford. There just wasn’t as much disposable income to work with. We lost 70% of our bronze subscribers in 2017”. 

    Trying to stay ahead of the curve

    In a quest to stay afloat and reinvent the wheel to continue serving her customers, Lola started offering health-based meal plans in 2017.

    “I got a dietician, and we started offering nutrition consultations to create meal plans for people with dietary restrictions who wanted to stay healthy.”

    Of course, this service was mostly used by the richer middle and upper-class who could afford to care about what they put in their mouths. The problem? This target audience was a tiny portion of Milk and Honey Gourmet’s initial customer base. 

    “I had to gradually abandon the idea that our service would be for the global millennial. I had to focus on older rich people, and this category isn’t necessarily online. I needed to re-invent Milk and Honey if we wanted to make enough to keep running. That would involve a new form of branding, marketing and the whole works.”

    Making the difficult decision to exit the business

    By 2018, it became clear that the economy was deteriorating faster than it was trying to improve, and everyone was struggling. Even Lola’s husband, who’d initially refused to leave Nigeria, had decided it was time to leave.

    “At the end of the day, I didn’t really leave Milk and Honey. I left Nigeria,” Lola says. “I’d already calculated that the pivot to an older market was what we needed, and we could turn profitable in the next two to three years so I could take a step back and let the business run on its own. 

    But Nigeria just wasn’t working. Did I want to stay because of all the time and money I invested or because I thought Nigeria would get better? What if the upper class also have to make tough decisions and decide our services are an unnecessary luxury?”

    Lola left Nigeria for the UK in December 2018 after giving her customers a month’s notice to shut down operations. She sold the remaining bikes and donated most of her cooking equipment. 

    “I rarely talk about Milk and Honey because giving it up was so sad. I’d invested everything into it; my finances and my mental and physical health, and for a while after it ended, I lost my confidence. I did everything by the books, and while that always resulted in success, I was suddenly introduced to the possibility of failure. That fear followed me into the other dreams I tried to pursue.”

    As our conversation ended, I asked Lola what the experience has taught her about doing business in Nigeria and what other prospective business owners might benefit from knowing.

    “Nigeria discards economic principles. I have a degree in marketing and knew all the fun things to do to make a business work, but one plus one was no longer equalling two. The government can announce a new policy, and you may think it’ll have a positive effect. But it doesn’t because they don’t follow through with all the other things that should make the policy work. 

    For instance, the government can announce it wants to tackle inflation by releasing funding. That should work, right? At the same time, the same government can decide to stop importation and allow only one person to produce an item. Or they sell forex cheaper to that person. It causes chaos. The word for the Nigerian economic market is just chaos. Some businesses are still making it work regardless, but it’s exhausting. All your permutations and projections can mean nothing at the end of the day.”

    On what she thinks might help, Lola says, “So many businesses would do much better if the electricity and transportation problems were solved. If someone comes and solves just those two problems, I’d say they did a wonderful job.”

    Ten years later, Lola isn’t the same person who stepped into the country with big dreams.

    “I don’t think I’ll return to Nigeria. Many people are doing greenhouse farming now too, so no one needs me. I might consider returning for a vision that has to do with the girl child. If I’ll be helping save a million lives, then I can come back. Otherwise, I’m fine where I am.” 


    NEXT READ: The Nigerian Dream Is Dead. Why Did I Move Back Here?

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  • The Mental Cost of Running a Restaurant Is More Expensive Than Any Bill

    When you think about the cost of running a business in Nigeria, the financials come to mind first. But there are grave mental costs too, and Olayinka Ahmed (co-owner and manager of Citi Lounge) only realised this weeks after starting his restaurant.

    He talks about building the restaurant from scratch, why he believes everyone is out to defraud him and how much the business has changed him in little time. According to him, he’s “lost his humanity”. 

    As told to Boluwatife

    Image designed by Freepik

    Nothing prepares you for the reality of running a restaurant in Nigeria, especially if you have zero business experience like me.

    I was a freelance influencer and had never held a 9-5 before setting up and co-managing Citi Lounge — a restaurant and lounge on the Lagos Mainland — in November 2023. I’ve been at it for about three weeks, and my learnings could fill a book.

    The first thing you need to know when setting up a similar business in Lagos is that you’ll need a lot of money. Money influenced the idea of owning a lounge in the first place. My friends, Joshua, Chidi, and I were more versed in the digital marketing space, but we saw an opportunity to make money with the lounge and thought, “Why not?”

    We kicked off our plans in September 2022. Once we decided we were going forward with the idea, land was the next thing to cross off the set-up list. This is where money comes in. We found a spot in Surulere and took out a 10-year guaranteed lease.

    The government approvals and building construction came next. Lagos State takes these approvals seriously, so you can expect multiple supervisions from agencies like LASEPA, a million documentation, and several accreditations if you ever consider setting up a lounge. This cost between ₦100k – ₦200k. It is a tedious but necessary process. 

    We eventually got approval to start building in March 2023. Of course, we had to deal with the area boys who didn’t allow us to build — even after government approval — until we met with their leaders and settled them. That cost a couple of millions. After we paid, they gave us a timeline to complete building or risk settling them again. We met the timeline and kicked off operations in November.

    When running a restaurant business, it’s important you get adequate technical support and training from a kitchen and operations consultant. Things like getting the restaurant to have a uniform taste and portion size and other processes don’t just happen by chance. We knew how it worked, but we still had a few glitches during the launch.

    A week before the official launch, we decided to do a friends-only opening to get feedback and tweak our processes as necessary. We planned for 100 people, but the invitees must have thought it was a bigger event because 600 people turned up. 


    RELATED: How To (Successfully) Gatecrash An Owambe In Nigeria


    Our waiters were overwhelmed and were all over the place, so many people left without paying. Maybe the invite should’ve specified that it wasn’t a “free” launch, but I expected people to know to pay for their drinks as a way to support a new business. Out of eight bottles of Glenfiddich we sold that day, we could only account for three payments. Each bottle sold at ₦92k. In total, we lost at least ₦5 million in unpaid bills that day.  

    The official launch wasn’t much better. We had extra temporary waiters, but the turnout exceeded expectations. I didn’t know we were supposed to have runners — people who assist waiters with sending and delivering food orders to the kitchen so the waiters don’t leave the main area. Since the distance between the lounge and the kitchen is quite small, we figured one person could do it. Ideally, one person can do it, but it’s a challenge during peak periods when a waiter is also trying to attend to and get other customers’ orders to the kitchen. The biggest problem here is that people can easily slip out without paying, and that’s what happened to us.

    Thankfully, we’re past that now. Did I mention the tax payments? It’s a whole new world, and you’ll definitely need an accountant. 

    In Lagos, you must pay 12.5% tax on every revenue you make: 5% consumption tax and 7.5% VAT. No one tells you this before starting. The crazy thing is I can’t directly charge this to customers. We’re in Surulere; If someone knows a bottle of beer costs ₦1k somewhere else, why would they pay ₦125 extra for the same thing? So, we have to pay that off from whatever we make, not counting product loss or theft.

    Speaking of theft, never forget that everyone — especially your staff — is out to defraud you. I hired someone who had been begging for a job four months before we started. He’d come to the site and practically do work as a labourer, so he’d be part of those we’d employ when we started operations. He was also very religious, so I thought I was lucky to find a God-fearing, hardworking man. 

    One week into employment, we caught him stealing a massive chunk of raw meat. We’d just installed a CCTV system, and surprise surprise, he was seen hiding the meat in the bin so he’d come back for it. What’s funnier is that another staff saw the meat and kept it aside, but he went and took it again.

    Immediately after watching the video, my manager called all the staff together to beg them not to steal. She begged for nearly two hours and was close to tears before she was done. She also called out the meat thief in everyone’s presence. You won’t believe that after that talk, we caught yet another staff hiding multiple pieces of asun under pasta. You can’t even blame it on hunger because we give them lunch, and even a lion didn’t need that much asun. It’s just sad.

    Vendors aren’t left out, too. The other day, we ran out of beer and called our direct contact at the breweries. They didn’t have what we needed, so I decided to buy from a retailer nearby. The retailer’s price was only ₦100 more than what my wholesale contact charged, which shouldn’t be the case since wholesale is meant to be far cheaper. 

    Curious, I asked the retailer how much he sold empty bottles, and he charged ₦1k per crate. This was the same thing my wholesaler sold to us for ₦5,400. We’d bought 85 crates from him, meaning he’d overcharged us by a whopping ₦4,400 per crate. I’m sure if I’d negotiated with the retailer, he’d have sold it for less than ₦1k. I emailed the breweries to complain, but I know I won’t get my money back. The best they’ll do is sack the wholesaler.

    I’m a different person than I was a few weeks ago. Now, I know why it’s important to talk to people in this industry. The wholesaler could cheat us because he knew we were new to the business. It won’t happen again; I now know to seek several opinions and check several prices before buying anything.

    I’ve also lost a huge part of my humanity. I can’t stand to see people hurt or turn a deaf ear to pleas, but I’ve realised that people are out to ruin the business. Remember the meat thief? I was advised to sack and arrest him, but he showed remorse, and I decided to give him another chance. A few days later, he started acting up again, threatening to leave the business, and I had to have him escorted out. He responded by rolling on the floor and begging to stay. It broke me, but I knew he wasn’t actually remorseful.

    Running this business has also made me more analytical. I used to believe in the universe making things work for me, but the business will pack up in days if I wait for the universe now. I have to be on the ground, keeping an eagle eye on everything. If it’s not food theft, it’s waiters claiming some customers didn’t pay so they can keep the money. I hardly have time for my family or other work interests now, and it’ll probably be like this for the next six months. I hope by then, we’ll have established a culture and strict processes to ensure the lounge runs at minimal loss without my daily input. 

    It hasn’t been all terrible, though. I recently started sharing some of these experiences on Twitter, and people have been really supportive. We’ve had people visit the lounge just because they saw my posts and wanted to show support. Patronage has been up by 500%, and it’s a significant testament to the fact that while there may be many terrible people, there are equally as many good people out there. It’s what keeps me going.


    NEXT READ: It’s Taken Us Three Years [and Counting] to Access My Late Aunt’s Pension

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  • QUIZ: Start a Business and We’ll Guess What You Need the Most

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  • Foodies and Aspiring Chefs, Are You Sleeping on This Income Opportunity?

    Every week, Zikoko will share the hustle stories of Nigerians making it big in and out of the country. With each story, we’ll ask one crucial question in several ways: “How you do am?”

    Sola Ajao’s hustle story taught us one thing: You can do what you love, and become a baller while at it. She took her love of cooking to Boston, US and has made a profitable business out of it.

    If you also have a passion for the kitchen arts, this guide will take you step-by-step on how you can make money from it too.

    Image source: Pexels

    First off, what does it mean to be a chef?

    You might know how to throw down a mean plate of noodles and egg, but that’s not all there is to being a chef. A chef is a professional cook who knows all there is to know about food preparation, cooking techniques, recipe creation and even kitchen management. You could say a chef is someone who knows their onions; pun very intended.

    It’s a good pun. Admit it.

    Is there a difference between a chef and a cook?

    Yes. Anyone can pick up tricks from how their mum or Iya Basira down the street make Ewa Agoyin and become a cook. A cook follows established recipes to prepare meals.

    Chefs are also cooks, but they most likely had to undergo some form of training to understand flavours and create recipes from scratch. They put in the work and, in some cases, have the qualifications to match.

    Not this kind of “putting in the work”, sha.

    What are the qualifications needed?

    Many chefs and cooks start out self-taught, but if you want to make a legitimate business out of it like Sola did, you’ll need evidence of formal training like diplomas and certificates. You can get this from taking a course in a registered culinary school.

    Don’t confuse a culinary school with a catering school, though. Those train people who are interested in the catering business, which involves learning how to cook for mass distribution. Think, owambes.

    So, how do you become a professional chef in Nigeria?


    There are several culinary school options to choose from. The duration of training varies depending on what you’re training for. For example, training to be a sous chef (the second-in-command in a kitchen) would probably take less time than training to be a head chef.

    If you need help making a choice, take a look at some popular culinary schools in Nigeria.

    Red Dish Chronicles
    Crumbles Chef Academy
    Topkraft Culinary Academy
    CMK Culinary Institute
    Abuja Culinary School

    How do you make money as a chef?

    This is probably the reason you’re reading this article in the first place, and honestly, we respect it.

    As a chef, you can make money in a number of ways:

    As a job: That’s the major point of getting the  required certifications. Qualified chefs are well sought-after in high-end restaurants.

    As a side hustle: You can also decide to offer catering services on the side for the million owambes that happen every Saturday in Nigeria. There’s also the option of offering personal chef services to individuals and corporations.

    As a brand: Building a visible personal brand is a great way to make sure you stay in demand. If you’re on Instagram, you’ll know some companies now choose to take on celebrity chefs on Instagram as brand ambassadors. Secure the bag, boo.

      Does “chef” refer to a male or female?

      Can only a specific gender eat? No? Well, that answers the question. Anyone can be a chef. It’s not a gender-specific noun. Now, go forth and cook up a storm.

      NEW SITE LOADING IN…

      [countdown date=”March 9, 2023 9:00:00″]


      NEXT READ: What Does a Career in Data Science Involve? Here’s the Tea


    • QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Give You A Startup Idea

      We know precisely what startup you should build to become the next African unicorn.

    • QUIZ: Are You CEO Material? Find Out!

      Everybody wants to be their own boss, but starting a business is the real ghetto. That’s why you should know how much of a CEO material you are before you start.

      Take this quiz and find out:

    • The #Nairalife Of Crippling Debt

      Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

      The subject of this story works with small businesses. But before this, he tried to build two businesses from the ground up. The first one landed him in debt. The second one ended with some more dire consequences: legal troubles and debt.

      What’s your oldest memory of money?

      When I was about to finish secondary school, my dad was laid off at his investment banking job. My mum was also a banker, but she had been laid off years earlier and had moved on to other things. 

      Do you remember how this changed things?

      The driver was the first to go when my dad lost his job. My dad started saying things like, “Let’s find a bike to take you to school.” Then it became hard to afford rent. My parents were building a house already, and we moved in although a lot of work hadn’t been done. We slept on the floor for a while. 

      My dad never found another job, so it was all on my mum. And she managed it well because the lack wasn’t evident from the outside.

      What was the first thing you ever did for money?

      ASUU went on strike when I was in 100 level in 2009, and I returned home. Unfortunately, it was one of those long ones. After spending a couple months at home, I grew restless and wanted to do something. The house help had left, and my mum was looking to fill the position. I told her I’d do it, but we had to sign an agreement. I didn’t think she would take me seriously, but she asked me to draw up the terms. She was impressed with my proposition and agreed to pay me ₦10k every month for my work. 

      LMAO. You got paid for what most of us did for free?

      Yup. After two months of doing this, they called off the strike. When I was returning to school, she added ₦20k to my ₦10k allowance and told me that was my salary for the months I worked for her. I was like, “Oh, I can make money from anything?” 

      In school, a final year student who was a friend needed money for his project. I decided to loan him ₦15k for a month at a 10% interest rate. I pitched it to him, and he agreed. He returned the money plus interest at the end of the month. I felt if I could do it for one person, I might as well do it for 10 people.

      Another friend wanted to buy a phone. I loaned him ₦15k and jacked the interest to 15%. He also returned it on time. I decided to go all in. I turned my room into an office and started telling people that I operate a short-term loan business. Students always needed money, so the word started spreading.

      Mad oh. 

      There was a challenge though.

      What was that?

      Answering the risk question. The chance of students defaulting on loans was very high. But I made everyone who wanted a loan submit the original copy of their school receipt, and I held on to it until they returned my money. My client base started to grow. Now I needed to figure out how to get more capital, so I started putting my monthly ₦10k allowance into the business. Omo, I drank garri ehn. 

      Haha. But it picked up?

      Yes, more than I expected. My model was referral based, and I only dealt with people who were recommended by someone I knew and still had at least one year to spend in school. By 300 level, I’d built some structure and started paying myself ₦5k as salary every month.

      Haha.

      But I also knew it wouldn’t be sustainable in the long run, especially since I was running everything with my personal resources. I split the business into two and started funding students who had small businesses. I gave them working capital, and at the end of an agreed period of time, we split the profits. 

      How did it work out?

      Great! Before the end of my third year, I had disbursed over ₦100k to people and small businesses. Because I was running two businesses, I brought in someone as my partner to monitor the small businesses and ensure that I got all my money back.

      People were noticing what I was doing, and my clout shot through the roof. The rich kids on campus started hitting me up and going, “I have this ₦200k I’m not using. What can you do with it?” I started investing money for people and giving them their capital and returns at the end of the semester. I did that until I left uni in 2013. 

      NYSC?

      Yes. One of my roommates from uni reached out to me and told me he knew a guy making good returns from palm oil. He shipped kegs of palm oil from the south-south where it was cheaper and sold at a higher price in the south-west. The numbers made sense, so I convinced my partner to let us give it a try. I told a few other people I knew from school and raised about ₦500k. The plan was that the guy would give us 5% of the capital every month. 

      And…

      He turned in the first and second month payment. I think ₦35k each. At the end of the third month, my partner called me and went, “We’ve not heard from this guy.” I called his number but couldn’t reach him. I’ve not seen him since that time, and it’s been more than six years now.

      Whoa!

      I couldn’t bring myself to tell the people that invested that I’d lost their money, so I was paying them as though the business was profitable. I took more money from people and paid those that had invested earlier with it. I hoped to get a hold of the guy and get the money back before anyone noticed. I was in about ₦700k debt before I realised that it wasn’t sustainable and came clean to the investors. I had to figure out a way to pay them. 

      How did that go?

      It was crazy. I started a food items delivery business for corps members in the town I was serving to pay the debt. I raised money from people who trusted me — it was more than ₦100k. I’d buy crayfish and periwinkle, which were cheap where I was, and ship. Corps members always wanted to buy food items and send them home because they were cheaper there.

      I also had links to restaurants and food services providers and supplied these food times to them. I built and monetised the entire logistics value chain. This brought in at least ₦50k monthly. By the time I finished my service year, I’d cleared my debts and had ₦300k in savings. 

      That’s awesome. 

      I returned home and the question was, “What do I want to do next?” I wanted to do an MBA, but my mum said no. I couldn’t afford to pay for an MBA myself, so I decided to take JAMB and go for a degree in Economics. I was in the middle of the application process when an uncle called and convinced me to do my master’s degree in a science-related course to appease my parents. Then I could go for my MBA after. I thought it was a fair deal, and I took it. This was 2016. 

      What happened after?

      It was quiet at first. But I was already hooked on doing stuff with money, so I was restless about taking a break. I sold small gadgets for a while, but that didn’t bring a lot of money.

      Towards the end of my programme, a friend I knew from uni reached out to me. He wanted to start a fintech company and operate in the payment space. I thought I could use my experience in uni and during my service year to do something new. I signed on and dropped out of school to do this with him, even though I was in the middle of my final exams.

      Omo

      Yup! My plan was to return to school later and finish it. 

      We started as a micro-lending platform for market women. His dad had a relationship with microfinance banks, and we leveraged that. We gave the women small loans for their businesses. He dropped most of the money — mine was mostly working capital, about ₦40k.

      Interesting. 

      Then he heard that forex trading was the hot thing. He was like, “How about we build a platform and get people to trade for us?” We would get people to give us money to invest and the traders would put the money into the market. We pivoted into it and got some people to invest, and it picked up from there. It was fine for a while, but we started losing money.

      When did this start?

      I actually don’t know. I was handling operations and comms. My ex-partner was supervising the trading room. I was supposed to know what was happening there, so I could figure out how to manage investor’s expectations and all, but I didn’t. My partner always told me everything was fine, even when it was not. 

      When did you find out?

      We were close to one of the payouts, so I doubled down on asking for updates on when the funds would be available. That was when he eventually came clean and admitted that we were dealing with a significant draw down and had lost all of the money people had with us. 

      How much?

      It depends on who you ask. I have no idea of the exact amount. He was in charge of getting money from investors. And when everything happened, they said it’d run into a couple millions of naira.

      Oof.

      My ex-partner went into hiding. He wasn’t picking up calls or responding to messages. I thought that since I was the company’s comms guy, I could pacify the investors. Haha. I got arrested. It was a case of if you can’t find a way to give him to us on a platter, we’ll come for you.

      Ah. 

      I was the fall guy. I spent nights in the police jail. The question I kept hearing over and over was, “Where did you keep the money?”

       It was a harrowing experience, especially for my mum. By the time law enforcement looked at our trade records, finished their investigations and found that we weren’t trying to rob people and actually incurred losses, she had spent so much money in legal fees trying to get me out, and the family was in debt.

      Do you know how much she spent?

      For my bail alone, the family raised close to ₦500k. The ensuing drama cost her at least ₦5M. She took loans with crazy interests to raise the money. The money went to paying my legal fees, law enforcement and some of the aggrieved creditors.

      I’m curious, where was your ex-partner in all of this?

      His family had clout, so they shielded him. He even tried to travel out of the country. 

      Gosh, I’m sorry. 

      Things began to calm down in 2019, but I still had to keep showing up at the police station to continue the cycle of interrogations. I was at the lowest point of my life in 2019. I had nothing. I’d started two businesses I thought I could build to something, and both put me in trouble and debt. I couldn’t even go back to school. The shame wouldn’t let me. 

      I started the year with literally nothing. Later that year, I got a job at a non-profit where I worked on content and business advisory. They paid me ₦20k, and I stayed with them for two months. 

      Why did you leave?

      A mentor contacted me. He was organising a training programme for government officials close to retirement and needed someone to do a workshop on how to avoid investment pitfalls and manage their funds. He thought I had quite the story to share. I was paid ₦150k for that, but it felt like ₦50M. 

      Oh man. 

      I mean, I was struggling to buy a one gig data subscription at the time. That gig was a turnaround for me. I put everything into it.

      What happened after?

      I got more gigs. A feasibility study here, a business plan there. I was getting ₦150k-₦250k on each job and using everything to help my mum clear the debt she was paying off. Most of the jobs came from my mentor’s network, so he decided to integrate me into his company.

      I joined his team, and after some time, I started managing a team myself. I got a monthly stipend from my boss to help with remote work set up, but my main pay came from the projects I could execute in a month, and these were getting me an average of ₦300k monthly.

      What does the company do?

      Business consulting for SMES. Some of these businesses are understaffed and need fixers like me to help create plans and business documents and help them find ways to source funds.

      The projects could be anything: creating a feasibility study or developing a social media campaign. My job function changed according to the projects. I could be Head of HR or Chief of Staff. 

      I did this for a few months. Then Covid started.

      How did it affect you?

      You know how some people talk about how their income saw an uptick because of the pandemic? I’m one of those people. There was a huge demand for people with technical skills. Organisations were organising virtual events and needed help setting them up. Companies were looking for people to help their staff adjust to working from home. Things like that.

      My team made an average of ₦​250k on each project. After taking out 10-15% admin fees for the company and allowance for the team — we were often an average of five on a project. I had at least ​₦​100k left. We did an average three of these projects every month.

      Mad. 

      I was still paying off my debts, but things were beginning to pick up. Then my dad died in 2020. I couldn’t even grieve him because I couldn’t stop working. I was handling a project in the middle of all the burial arrangements. He died when I just started to turn things around. Also, I can’t shake off the sentiment that my legal issues may have been a factor in his death, and I’ll probably live with that guilt forever. 

      I’m really sorry for your loss. The last couple of years have been rough, but where are you at now?

      I’m still at the company. I have a team of six people who work with me on these projects. At the end of the month, I still make up to ₦300k, even after paying the company and my staff. 

      Let’s break it down.

      When do you think you will finish paying off your debt?

      I’m hoping it will all be over next year. First quarter of 2022 in the worst case scenario.

      What do you imagine life will be like when this happens?

      There will still be bills to pay, but nothing as crippling as this. I’ve learned to be more resourceful than ever and looking out for actual opportunities. It’s why I consult for like seven businesses. The challenge is that I bring people on these projects, so I share profits I could have kept. That said, I’m confident my family will never lack. 

      With everything that’s happened, how do you feel about investments now?

      I’m currently averse to investing in anything even though I know that it’s not wise. I’d rather just save. I’m currently my investment, and that’s why I’m putting money into personal development — training programs and short courses.

      If someone comes to me and goes, “There’s an investment opportunity.” I’ve logged out already. There’s some PTSD I have to deal with first before I go down that route again. If that ever comes, I’d stick to real estate investments because they are a relatively safer option.

      How would you say all of this has shaped your perspective about money?

      First, maybe don’t invest money with people because you know them or trust them. Before I put resources in any project now, I have to know everything about it. Also, I place a high premium on personal development. Whatever money you invest in yourself will hardly go to waste. 

      Is there anything you want now but can’t afford?

      I’d like to put about $10,000 in a dollar-denominated portfolio. But I currently can’t do that because I’m not earning enough. If I don’t have any project coming in, I’m toast. Also, my girlfreind came at a time when I’d lost hope and stuck with me until I snapped back to reality. I’d like to marry her as soon as possible, but I’m not sure I can afford that this year. 

      Rooting for you. This was heavy, but on a scale of 0-10, how would you rate your financial happiness?

      5. I feel like I’m racing against time now. I’ve kind of wasted some time I’m not getting back. And playing catch up is very exhausting. This number I gave myself is even me being nice. But when I clear my debt and settle down to start a family, this number can move to 8.

    • A Week In The Life: The Vendor Building The Next Big Online Platform

      “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


      The subject for today is Damilola Bello, she’s a partner at Smallchops.ng. A successful online business that makes and delivers small chops. She walks us through building a successful business, her plans to build an online platform for trusted vendors and chasing big dreams.

      MONDAY:

      I wake up around 7 am. The first thing I do is pick up my phone and check my Twitter DMs. I check to see if I have any orders for the day. I see some, so I process and lock them in for delivery. For the rest of the day, I’ll respond to customers who haven’t received their orders, and take more orders. 

      I run a partnership with Smallchops.ng. It’s my job to handle customer relations and ensure orders are processed. A large part of my day involves attending to this. I also have other jobs – I run yellow pages for vendors where I connect trusted vendors to customers free of charge. In addition, I also give business advice to a digital marketing company. So I always have something happening at one point or the other. It helps that I am good at multitasking, so I never have issues running all these simultaneously.

      Today, I have an issue with a customer. This customer made a payment, the transaction didn’t reflect in our account, but she got debited. So we have been going back and forth between her bank and our payment provider to find out where the fault was. Out of the blue, she sent us a message that if we don’t refund her she’ll call us out on social media. I called, to try to resolve the problem and she turned it into a shout fest.  Turns out it was her sister who sent the message so when I called to clarify, she was confused and that’s why she started shouting. The only reason I found out was because she called back to apologise after all the shouting.

      Customers. You need to be patient with them.

      The trick with dealing with difficult customers is to just keep updating them and keeping them in the loop. If you leave a difficult customer alone, you’re putting yourself in a lot of trouble. If we haven’t processed an order and I sense that the person will be problematic, I run. I just say “I am so sorry, I’m not available to pick your order.” 

      What helps me with this job is that nothing gets me down for more than two minutes. I have an extremely positive outlook on life so it’s easy to shrug things like this off and find a solution. The solution this evening looks like a bottle of Frontera sweet red wine. 

      TUESDAY:

      Nigeria is a business killer. From NEPA to taxes, to even the air we breathe, it’s killing us. If I want to advise anybody, it’ll be that they should start a business that doesn’t require a lot of capital. Especially for operational cost. Anything that requires a generator, avoid it.

      The next advice would be about creating structure – there must be a business name, business logo, mission and vision. After that, I’d ask them about how they will buy their goods. Many businesses don’t have a physical store, but they usually have an online store. I usually advise that it’s not just enough to open an online store on social media, but to also have a host like Flutterwave or Paystack. This is because social media sites can crash. In addition, I tell them to inspect the quality of their goods. I also encourage them to take really nice pictures because customers want real-life photos. The next step is the pricing – what’s the profit margin? If it’s too much, I suggest to them not to overdo it. I always insist that if the goods are well packaged, they’ll get a nice profit margin without doing too much. 

      Lastly, the most important part of any business is customer service; value-added service. It’s not enough to just have products, customer relationships are everything. I don’t even want to hear that you are rude to customers. You must always calm down and sort whatever is wrong. Customers aren’t always right but they are king. They are the reason the business exists and If you chase all of them away, sorry to you.

      I am confident when giving advice because I am not talking from a textbook. I am applying all these things myself. The experience I have from solving problems in my business makes it easier to give valid advice to other people.

      Today, a vendor came to thank me for my advice and referral. It was useful in landing a job with a lot of customers. Hearing this made me really really happy. It also reinforced my belief that is my purpose; I am here to help people and their businesses grow.

      WEDNESDAY:

      If I think about it, I have given advice to over 300 businesses. And at one point or the other, I have either patronized them or I know someone who has. This is part of what has inspired me to launch my website in August. The site is going to be yellow pages for vendors endorsed by me. Thinking about it today is exciting because this site will prevent a lot of scams. Also, in cases where there is a misunderstanding, I can always come in. Because there’s going to be trust among all parties involved. There will also be a part on the website where customers can anonymously give reviews about vendors, and rate their services.

      It’s all so exciting, just thinking about it but it’s also a lot to take in.

      I need to relax my head so I’m just going to order food from one of my vendors. Preferably something with a lot of potato fries in it. Before COVID, I’d have just gone clubbing with my best friend. We would have gone somewhere with loud music and alcohol to relax. Now that we don’t have the luxury of going out, let me just eat and be happy.

      THURSDAY:

      Business can be frustrating because of delivery people. They are a thorn in my flesh. Managing them is one of the most difficult parts of running a business. I can’t help but think about the many times delivery men have frustrated me. One time, I sent out a package of small chops by 9 am, but it didn’t get to the recipient by 4 pm. The customer was so pissed and disappointed that it ruined my mood. I had to send another package the next day to compensate. Another time, the delivery person ate the gizzard in the small chops meant for a client. I was so confused and frustrated when the customer called to tell me that there was no gizzard in the order. And I was sure I packed gizzard. Without hesitating, we cut off the delivery company for our own good.

      Business can also be rewarding. I remember the first time I made a million naira in sales, I was super happy. It was a big deal to me because I made that amount of money from selling small chops. And this was independent of sales from other sales channels we have. I made it all on my own.

      So, business has its ups and downs like any other thing.

      My plan for today is simple: Attend to customers and respond to any complaints they may have. Just another day at the job.

      FRIDAY:

      One of the most successful events I have organized in recent times is the night market. 

      I noticed that customers always complain about goods being overpriced. I also noticed that something I bought for ₦1,690 from one vendor was being sold at ₦4,000 by another vendor. Meaning even if the person sold at half the price, they would still have made a profit. So, I had an idea – A night market where prices are 50% off so that vendors can sell some of their stock and still make a profit, while customers also get a good bargain. The first edition was successful, and the response was so overwhelming. 

      Having the knowledge to spot opportunities like this is part of why I registered for an MBA program. As of today, my end goal is to one day be the Chief Operating Officer of a company and I need an MBA to effectively do that.

      I don’t mind being the COO of a multinational someday – Microsoft or KPMG doesn’t sound like a bad idea from where I am standing.


      Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

    • A Week In The Life: A Sex Toy Seller Juggling Business With Her Christian Faith

      “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


      sex toy seller

      Today’s subject is Amope, a Nigerian woman who sells sex toys. She walks us through business during COVID, her Christian faith, and not being ashamed to promote her business using her face.

      MONDAY:

      I usually wake up whenever the spirit leads. But these days, due to COVID, I have been waking up before 7 am. Sometimes, if I’m exhausted, I don’t stand up from the bed. Lai, Lai, they can’t kill me, I didn’t kill my mother. To be honest, it’s not like I pray every day. But at least, I pray all these “thank you, I am alive” prayers. Sometimes, I scam the prayer. 

      Today, I am working on my website. I have to upload pictures, descriptions, and everything that needs to go on it. Also, I have to create content for Instagram, Whatsapp stories, Twitter. I use apps like Canva, Snapseed, Quik so that my content comes out really cool. It’s not an easy job, to be honest. See, you need to get your angles right. Picture is not something you wake up one morning and start taking. You can take like twenty pictures of just one penis. You have to make sure the picture comes out very professional, looking dapper than dap. Like if they see this picture, they have to buy it. Wo ma gba. Period. 

      sex toy seller

      That kind of thing, it’s crazy. Then you are doing one video and someone is calling you at that same time. The person is now calling consistently and being a devil. Oh gosh, inspiration ti sa mo mi lowo sha. Then you now have to sit down and say “God, help your daughter, we have to start again. We need inspiration.” The only thing that makes all the effort worth it is when you now post and clients say they want that particular one because it looks good. The thing is just crazy. Just that when it comes out, it looks good and it looks cool.

      I am going to try to create content all day. But once I am tired like this, I’ll lie down on my bed because I can’t come and kill myself. 

      TUESDAY:

      I am frustrated with this country. It’s not even funny because I have been expecting my goods since the COVID crisis started. It’s just crazy and I am trying not to think about it. I have clients that have paid for over a month and haven’t received their goods. They have been so patient with me; I give kudos to my customers. I am tired of one excuse or the other from shipping agents when I ask about the status of my goods. O ti su mi. I give up. 

      I have like 8 or 9 people waiting to receive their goods. Some people wanted to pay again but I had to refuse their money. I use God to beg them because if the goods don’t come by next week, I am going to refund everyone their money. I don’t think I can continue giving excuses. The reason I started this business is that I don’t like office stress, but this period is testing me.

      Anytime I start to feel stressed, I remember my best day ever in this business. It happened a week after my birthday last year. I screamed like “Oh my God” because I didn’t expect it. I never expected it. 

      I posted content by 5 am on Twitter that day because I couldn’t sleep. So, I was just online creating content. Thinking of captions in my head and just playing around. That’s how I got a message from someone who saw my products. That’s how the person said they hope I am a hundred percent confidential. I said “confidential is my name o. Anything you want to buy, buy. I don’t want to know you. Just buy.”

      The person then told me to come to the Island before 12 noon with plenty of products. I packed as many as possible and flew Gokada from the mainland to Island to beat Lagos traffic and my village people. On getting there, this person bought toys worth over ₦500,000. They also gave me a belated birthday gift. Whenever I remember that day, I’m happy. It makes me stay back and say baby girl you are doing well.

      sex toy seller

      I need to relax my nerves and stop thinking. After I am done with my tasks today, I’ll just chill with the very cold bottle of sweet red wine that’s in my fridge. One bottle of my wine and I am good.

      WEDNESDAY:

      If you ask me to rank my best selling toys, the list is probably like this: bullet vibrator, magic wand, rabbit vibrators. The bullet and wand can be used alone for either the male or female. Or, together as a couple. The rabbit vibrators are for women who enjoy dual stimulation – vaginal and clitoris.

      Because of how much I know, whenever I advice clients on toys to buy, they find it hard to believe that I never used a sex toy before starting this business two years ago. The first toy that caught my attention was the bullet vibrator. The bullet is small but mighty. As tiny as that thing is, it’ll send you to cloud nine. You will hang there and you will come back. 

      Reviews from customers were always like: ”I squirted for the first time. I reached orgasm for the first time.” I was like “Oluwa, wetin dey happen. What’s going on?” Before using a toy on myself, I used to market the products based on the feedback from customers. I practically envisioned myself as my clients in my reviews. It was so good that you’d believe I used sex toys too. One day after all the reviews, I decided that I too wanted to enjoy what clients were enjoying.  

      I started with the bullet vibrator with my then partner. When the thing touched my clitoris, I wanted to fly away because I was like what’s going on here. Thank God for my partner in my life, because he practically held me down. I was like “I want to go and wee wee.” He was the one that told me to release myself and allow myself to enjoy it. Mehn, It was not funny, I was just squirting anyhow. It was so sweet. Since then, I have tried a load of other toys.

      That experience taught me that as a lady, you need to know yourself. Some women are so scared they can’t even touch themselves. When you know your body, you know what you want your partner to touch. You can either tell them with your mouth or by guiding them with their hands. By knowing your body, you don’t have to wait for someone to give you the pleasure you actually desire. You can get it all by yourself all by making yourself involved. Self-pleasure is mandatory.

      Thankfully, I know what I want. With the kind of day I have had, it’s sleep I want. 

      THURSDAY:

      There is a lot of misconception about my business. I have had to separate my business Whatsapp number from my personal number. In the beginning, anytime I post my products, people would threaten to block me. Others were shocked, telling me that the business is not right. 

      I didn’t even tell my family members about my business. They found out through social media. One day after church service with my older sister, she mentioned she saw my business on Facebook. She now asked me if the holy spirit led me to start the business. I was just laughing when she said it. 

      The problem is that people don’t understand the role of sex toys. The first thing that comes to mind when people hear that I sell sex toys is that I am a bad girl. For instance, a client comes to tell me that she loves her husband but his penis is small. Where sex toy comes in is that we have products you can use. We have penis extenders that are flesh-like and can give you extra girth and length. So, if your woman says I want it chubby, you can always wear it and give her that extra feeling that she wants. Some of these extenders are even vibrating. So, as a man you are enjoying yourself, the woman is also enjoying herself because it’s rubbing on her clitoris and giving her some kind of stimulation.

      Some toys like cock rings help you last longer. It can help you last as long as you want. It helps to delay ejaculation. These are better alternatives to pills because relying on pills can make you lose your self-esteem. You start to rely on pills every time you want to have sex and you are hurting yourself.

      For women, you will hear some of them say their husband doesn’t like licking or sucking, or he doesn’t like oral sex. He doesn’t like to go down on them either because “at their age, they can’t do that.” Others say, because of their culture, they won’t be caught dead doing that. Some of these things, it’s because of the belief they were raised with. This is what society says and this is how it must be done. 

      I always tell these women that this is not a reason for divorce yet. Why don’t you get yourself a clitoris sucker, an oral sex tongue vibrator. You don’t have to abandon your marriage because of the belief of your partner.

      Some of these toys can literally save some of these marriages.

      What do I know? I am not kuku in the marriage with them. What I am currently married to is the book I am reading. Today, I plan to finish reading The Secret Lives Of Baba Segi’s Wives. I am so addicted to the book. 

      FRIDAY:

      I can’t date someone who doesn’t support my business. Or, isn’t comfortable with me promoting my business using my face. Whenever I meet someone new and I tell them what I do for a living, they are usually curious: “Does it move in Nigeria? How do I do it?” Many of them are usually supportive. However, there was this time I was talking to one guy. immediately I told him what I do for a living, I was sensing a lot of bad vibes.  He kept on going about how his woman can’t be selling sex toys. That plenty men will be talking to me. Omo, I ended it, and everyone waka their waka. I can’t be with someone that isn’t comfortable with what I do. Don’t let us start what we can’t finish.

      I am the kind of person who feels comfortable in her own skin. I make videos demonstrating how to use these toys with my face because this is my hustle. Why should it be different from the person that sells hair? They promote their hustle with their chest. Why can’t I be happy and show my face and promote my own business too? I am very confident in what I do and I am sure of what I want.

      Another thing is that it makes my clients feel more comfortable. They know that there is a real face behind the brand. That there’s someone they can relate with. I try to gesticulate and make the videos as fun as possible. As long as my work is not illegal, I will always show my face. 

      My major concern today is how to find ginger to make the videos I need to make for the week. I am low on inspiration.

      SATURDAY:

      My friends think I am unreliable because I keep canceling on them. I have a friend that I have cancelled on three times and she no longer invites me anywhere. It’s not like I don’t want to hang out, it’s just that my idea of a perfect day involves books.

      I love to read because I was raised with books. My mum would buy books for me — novels, comics —  and she’d hide them from me. The condition for allowing me to read books was that I had to complete house chores. So, I’d sweep, mop, wash the chicken, put water on fire. Then, after finishing my tasks she would now allow me to read the books. The joy on my face was unrivaled. Even though my mum passed on, that part of her still lives with me. 

      sex toy seller

      Once I start to read, it relaxes me. I get lost in between the pages and I don’t worry anymore. Part of today’s agenda is reading a book someone recommended on Twitter. The title is Kane and Abel. Thankfully, I have the paid version of the Any books app. I look forward to losing myself in between the pages. How do I explain to my friends that this is my idea of fun?

      SUNDAY:

      I enjoy worship. Especially prayers where we are in a group. I can stand for long and pray. When it comes to prayer services, I don’t joke with it. Before lockdown and Corona, I never missed Sunday services. Today, I am attending an online service.

      I like this church because of one incident that happened. When I started my sex toy business in 2018, I switched to this church. I am very lowkey so nobody knows me. Once service is over like this, I have disappeared. However, this year we had a dry fast in church for 21 days. We hosted group prayers on the last day of the fast, so I went to church excited on that day. However, it turned out that I had miscalculated. The last day wasn’t till the next day so there was nobody in the church except the pastor’s wife. 

      As I turned to leave, she called me into her office to have a conversation. That she had been meaning to gist with me.

      We started talking randomly until she asked me what I do for a living. I told her I was looking for a job straight up. She didn’t buy it. So, she asked me again. I stammered for like 5 minutes before whispering that I sold sex toys. The most surprising thing was that she was cool about it. No judgment. She even asked for my Instagram page to check it out. She also asked, “that when I am in that mood, which toy do I use?” I was like “ma, we are still fasting.” 

      She now asked me that when the pastor is praying and he says “pray for your business”, do I also pray for my business? I told her that I  pray for God to bless my business. I tell God to enlarge my coast. That I should get plenty plenty customers. She was just laughing.

      I found that conversation hilarious because I felt comfortable around her. She wasn’t the regular kind of mummy that would say “blood of Jesus” and rebuke me. 

      What I can’t tell anyone, I can tell her because when she corrects me, she doesn’t do it in a condescending manner. She makes me feel welcome. Even if I leave that church today, I’ll always look up to her.

      Because of how comfortable she has made me, I don’t feel like I can’t worship God as a result of my business. My business doesn’t interfere with my spiritual life because at the end of the day, without God, we are nothing. We can’t exist.


      Glossary:

      Inspiration ti sa mo mi lowo sha – I have lost my inspiration.

      O ti su mi – I am tired.

      Wo ma gba – They will be blown away.


      Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out. Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.

    • How Is Coronavirus Affecting Businesses? – We Asked 5 Nigerians
      Coronavirus

      A lot has changed in the world in recent times and that’s putting it mildly. From the way we worship to social interactions and even how we work.

      However, in Nigeria, we seem to be in a peculiar position. On one hand, we can’t afford to fully self-isolate and on the other hand, some parts of the country believe this is Government propaganda to steal money.

      To better understand the reality on the ground, we decided to take a look at businesses across different walks of life to understand how Covid-19 is affecting Nigerians. We asked 5 different people ranging from employees to employers how their life has changed.

      Demola – 28.

      “I work in a community pharmacy and we can’t afford to close down because people on life-long medications (Anti-diabetics, Anti-hypertensives) depend on us. But, my boss is not paying hazard fee. So, I am my own protector. I sanitize anyone that comes into the Pharmacy, I put the money in a carton and sanitize it before dropping it in our safe. The only good part is that because of the increase in demand for immune-boosting medicine, we have met the target for the month. The other day, someone bought N150k worth of Cellgevity and Reload and she didn’t flinch. So, I can’t complain too much.”

      Jennifer – 24.

      My office has issued a work from home policy for all of us. We are a non-profit and we already have funding for the next 2 years so we are covered. I am worried about two things. Firstly, people who can’t afford to work from home and risk exposure by going out every day. Secondly, our clients that we currently run some projects for and how long they have before they shut down and we have nothing to do for them. If this happens, it may be difficult to renew our funding once two years is over. It’s just a cluster fuck.

      Lanre – 55.

      “I run a private practice and I have been doing this for the past 25 years give or take. I have seen a decline in this practice from very profitable to mildly profitable and just struggling. See, before now, I have been struggling to pay staff salary and I have a small staff of just 6 nurses. I am the only doctor on the ground. So, if I have been struggling without this pandemic, what will happen now that it’s here?

      Everyone is saying shut down! shut down! shut down and do what? Shut down and go to die? My kids are also struggling so where will I get money to survive? I am a doctor oh and things are hitting me this hard. A part of me actually hopes that this will pass over because I can’t even think of where to start from.”

      Akeem – 25.

      “The truth is that na me fuck up. I had been told not to depend on only one supplier and I didn’t listen. So, I import things from China to sell for some profit here. The truth is that I ran out of stock in December of last year and because of New Year break and all, I couldn’t get supplies. Then Corona came along and compounded to the whole thing. Let’s just say my own 2020 hasn’t started. I am still in 2019.”

      Chisom – 29.

      “Man. This thing needs to go so my clients can come back. I book and tutor people for the IELTS exam. Anytime I remind me them about the payment they tell me that “the world is ending so there’s no need for them to take the IELTS” again. Before during the rush, my weekends were occupied with tutoring people. Now, I have enough time to do Instagram self-isolation challenges.”

    • All The Wahala That Comes With Dealing With Onigbeses

      1. So you made the mistake of selling something to your friend

      The biggest mistake of your life o!

      2. And now they think your money is no more your money

      Why don’t you kuku kill me?

      3. Every time you want to ask them for it, they’re like

      4. Meanwhile, your own business is doing like this like that

      5. But see how these smart business people deal with onigbeses

      Don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel for more juicy videos!

    • 10 Times You Need To Mind Your Business

      1. When your parents are arguing and suddenly look at you for support.

      2. When the bus conductor slaps the passenger beside you.

      3. When you see your oga’s wife kissing someone else at a restaurant.

      4. When you see your cousin’s husband at a shopping mall with one babe … that is not your cousin.

      5. When you hear your neighbour talking about putting his family’s savings into the next batch of MMM.

      6. When you overhear your in-law’s dad talking about his second family in Magodo that no one knows about.

      7. When you see your pastor’s daughter climbing pole in the club.

      8. When you overhear your landlord’s son trying to sell one of his father’s houses in the village without his consent.

      9. When you see a sack letter for your manager on a HR colleague’s laptop.

      10. When your boss’s wife slaps him outside the office for chasing small girls.