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Buhari | Zikoko! Buhari | Zikoko!
  • Sai Baba to Bye Baba: A Legacy of Missed Opportunities

    As the curtain closes on President Buhari’s eight years in power, Nigerians are left to reflect upon a legacy marked by regrettably missed opportunities. Ebenezer Obadare, a political expert, describes Buhari’s time in office this way:

    “That Buhari managed to turn such wild enthusiasm about his candidacy into grave disappointment, going from a regime of which many, rightly or not, had high hopes, to one that most can’t wait to see the back of, ranks among the most remarkable instances of reputational collapse in the whole of Nigerian political history. 

    It was clear within the first few months—the initial struggle to put together a cabinet being particularly telling—that Buhari, for all his desperation to take power, had not done his homework and was ill-prepared for the demands of the office.”

    Riding on the “Sai Baba, Sai Buhari” mantra and backed by a political figure like Bola Ahmed Tinubu, there were high expectations that Buhari would put Nigeria on the right trajectory. However, Buhari failed to live up to expectations of his promises.

    A summary of Buhari’s eight years

    His ardent supporters will say he built more infrastructure than any other leader before him. They’ll point to the construction of the Second Niger Bridge, multiple railroad projects, and roads across the country. 

    [Loko-Oweto Bridge / Bashir Ahmed / Twitter]

    They’ll also say he assented to many bills the coming administration can hopefully build upon. Some will also applaud Nigeria’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic under his watch, which the WHO ranked as the fourth-most successful globally. While Buhari can claim these achievements, the tradeoff has come at a steep cost.

    His anticorruption stance initially earned him the “Mai Gaskiya” title, meaning “the honest one.” Time has, however, eroded that perception. Nothing captures this better than when he granted pardons to two ex-governors, Joshua Dariye and Jolly Nyame, who were indicted for corruption. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) said they were demoralised by that action, having spent eleven years and hundreds of millions of naira prosecuting those cases.

    No other president has plunged Nigeria into as much debt as he has. In his eight years in office, Buhari raised Nigeria’s debt from $7.3 billion, inherited from former President Goodluck Jonathan, to $41.8 billion—a 400% increase. 

    His economic policies left many scratching their heads. Take your pick from anyone between the controversial Anchor Borrowers’ Programme, TraderMoni, the naira redesign, and the shutdown of our borders. All told, 133 million Nigerians now live in multidimensional poverty. The World Bank projects that by 2025, 13 million more Nigerians will join them. Unemployment will rise to 41% this year.

    Electoral reform, which Nigerians initially had high hopes about—us included—was another facade. The events of the 2023 general elections made that apparent.

    Buhari has a mixed record on human capital development. Some people might say it’s terrible. Although there were capital interventions in the health and education sectors, the unending ASUU strikes and the brain drain of doctors tell you all you need to know about how that went. This follows a recurring theme in Buhari’s administration. Money is thrown at projects that either become misappropriated or poorly executed.

    Due to his military credentials, many Nigerians expected him to bolster security. This turned out to be a massive letdown. While it’s true that Boko Haram has recently piped down, it’s unclear if that is entirely due to Buhari’s efforts or the internecine struggles of Islamist terrorist groups in northern Nigeria. In the South-East, the proscribed Indigenous People of Biafra, IPOB, has been a constant scourge with its enforced sit-at-home orders. The rise in banditry and kidnapping for ransom across Nigeria is alarming. A former minister described it as a “burgeoning industry”.

    The Vanguard reports that since he assumed office in May 2015, 63,111 Nigerians have been killed under his administration. And young Nigerians will not forget the events of EndSARS, culminating in the military officers’ shooting of unarmed protesters on October 20, 2020. Till today, Buhari hasn’t told us who gave the kill order. 

    We could point to his nepotism as evident in his lopsided appointments, disregard for the rule of law, clampdown on the media, frequent junketing and medical tourism, and inability to unite Nigerians. Losses in several areas quickly overshadowed any gains he made in one area. Based on these, his eight years as president are best described as a net negative. This is Buhari’s legacy.

    Buhari’s famous last words

    Buhari was camera-shy in his early days in office and rarely addressed the media. This came with several conspiracy theories about his health, such as possessing a body double. Nigerians on Twitter will also recall that he locked his comment section for a while. 

    However, the latter end of his regime has seen him speak out more, surprisingly off the cuff. Buhari asked Nigerians for forgiveness in April, saying he’d accept all criticism. This represents a marked departure from the nonchalant and aloof demeanour that has become a representation of his political career. Despite his hard-guy stance, Buhari cares what we think of him and wants history to be kind to him.

    But perhaps the most revealing utterance Buhari has made to date comes from his speech on May 23 at the launch of the new headquarters of the Nigerian Customs Service in Abuja. A viral portion of that speech has made it online. In the speech, he explained his reason for the controversial closure of Nigeria’s land borders.

    Buhari said it was deliberate and designed to force Nigerians to grow what they eat. He genuinely thinks it was a good policy, which Nigerians “appreciated” him for eventually. He added, “I said these few things about my personal belief because I have only six more days to go. And I plan to be as far away from Abuja as possible.

    Thank goodness, I come from an area far away from Abuja. I said if anybody forces me, I have a good relationship with my neighbours, Niger people will defend me.”

    Nigerians are reeling in utter shock at their Commander-in-Chief.

    Buhari has earned wide condemnation for his comments on various sociocultural forums. These include the MiddleBelt Forum, the Afenifere, the Pan Niger Delta Forum PANDEF, and the Northern Elders Forum. 

    And yet, for all the uproar, Buhari has consistently said that he’s all about himself for the last eight years. In his inaugural speech on May 29, 2015, Buhari said: “I belong to everybody, and I belong to nobody.” If only we knew and were ready.

    On May 29, 2023, the president-elect, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, will give his inaugural speech. Despite misgivings about the elections, Tinubu’s speech might give insights into what to expect from his administration. Ultimately, if Buhari’s time in office has taught us anything, we should set our expectations lower.

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  • What You Should Know About the Copyright Act Buhari Signed

    On March 17, 2023, President Muhammadu Buhari signed the Copyright Act of 2022 into law. Reactions to it have been largely positive, with Buhari assenting to a flurry of bills in the twilight of his presidential career. This contrasts sharply with his early days in office, where he seemed to drag his feet, earning the nickname “Baba Go Slow.”

    The 68-page Copyright Act was gazetted on March 27. That’s a fancy way of saying the Act was officially made public. We looked into it and highlighted some of the interesting points.

    The 2022 Copyright Act is an improvement on an older one

    This means the Act wasn’t created from scratch. There already existed a Copyright Act from 2004, which was inadequate to address some of the modern changes that deal with intellectual property rights. So they repealed the old one and enacted a new one after the National Assembly ratified it. Buhari signed it into law.  

    The Copyright Act covers a wide range of work

    The following are eligible for copyright protection:

    (a) literary works;

    (b) musical works;

    (c) artistic works;

    (d) audiovisual works;

    (e) sound recordings; and

    (f ) broadcasts.

    But there are some caveats. Literary, musical or artistic work isn’t eligible for copyright unless you put effort into creating it to give it originality. Also, the work being done needs to be fixed in a way that can be seen, copied, or communicated using any technology that currently exists or might be invented in the future.

    Not every work is eligible for copyright protection

    Not all work is covered by the Copyright Act 2022. These include:

    (a) ideas, procedures, processes, formats, systems, methods of operation, concepts, principles, discoveries, or mere data;

    (b) official texts of a legislative or administrative nature as well as any official translations, except their compilations; and

    (c) official state symbols and insignia, including flags, coat-of-arms, anthems, and banknote designs.

    The Copyright Act confers moral rights on authors

    Section 14 of the Act covers the moral rights of authors. It explains the rights of someone who creates works like books, songs, or paintings. They have the right to say that they made it and to have their name on it whenever it’s used. An exception is when the work is incidentally or accidentally included in a broadcast when reporting current events.

    If someone tries to change their creation to make the creator look bad, they can sue. Also, if someone tries to take credit for something they didn’t make, the actual creator can object and say it’s not true. These rights can’t be given or sold to anyone else while the author is still alive. 

    However, after the author dies, rights can be given to someone else through a will or laws that decide who gets the rights. The rights last for as long as the copyright lasts. This means no one else can use or copy the work without the copyright holder’s permission.

    Copyright duration

    For literary, artistic and musical works that aren’t photographs, the copyright lasts for 70 years after the person who created them dies. For work derived from Section 7 of the Act, which deals with online content, the copyright duration is 50 years after the end of the year in which the work was first made available to the public.

    If the work has not been made public within that time, it will be 50 years after it was created. The same applies to audiovisual works, photographs and sound recordings.

    If someone creates a work under a pseudonym or anonymously, the copyright lasts for 70 years from when the work was first made public or 70 years from when it was created if it wasn’t made public. But if the actual author becomes known, the copyright lasts 70 years after the author’s death, like with other works.

    If two or more people worked together to create something, the copyright lasts until the last surviving author dies, and then it’s protected for 50 or 70 years, depending on the type of work.

    Copyright exceptions exist for the blind and visually impaired

    While copyright laws state that you must seek permission from authors before reproducing work, there are exceptions to this in the case of people who are visually impaired or blind. For this class of people, it’s permissible to reproduce work without permission in a way accessible to them, as long as the distribution is limited to only affected individuals. 

    The National Copyright Commission (NCC) recently hailed this provision, calling it “blind-friendly and sufficiently balanced in so many other areas to meet the demands of rights owners and the needs of users.”


    You can download the full version here if you’d like to learn more about the Copyright Act.

  • Why FG May Give Up on 25-Year-Long OPL 245 Wahala

    On April 29 1998, the federal government of Nigeria awarded an Oil Prospecting Licence (OPL) 245 to Malabu Oil & Gas Ltd. for $20 million. The license covers a defined deep-water offshore area over 1,000 m below sea level and approximately 150 km off the Niger Delta.

    As awards go, however, this has turned out to be a poisoned chalice. It’s been a constant source of litigation for successive governments due to allegations surrounding fraud and corruption in awarding the licence. The FG may have finally thrown in the towel based on the latest reports. 

    The Cable has reported that Abubakar Malami, the attorney-general of the federation (AGF) and minister of justice, has written a memo to President Muhammadu Buhari asking the federal government to end all cases relating to OPL-245 because it has little chance of winning.

    Timeline of events

    Here’s a timeline of key events over the last 25 years.

    April 1998

    The FG awards OPL 245 for $20 million to Malabu Oil and Gas. The company belonged to Dan Etete, an associate of the former head of state, Sani Abacha and a former petroleum minister who served between 1995 and 1998. Etete awarded the license to himself using false identities.

    [Dan Etete (right)  /  picture-alliance/dpa/G. Barbara]

    May 1999

    Nigeria is in its Fourth Republic under the administration of Olusegun Obasanjo. On behalf of Malabu, Etete pays $2.04 million for the OPL 245 licence out of the $20 million the company had agreed to pay.

    March 2001 

    Shell signs an agreement to acquire a 40 per cent stake in OPL 245 from Malabu. The agreement was on the condition that Shell would pay the outstanding $18 million to the FG.

    July 2001

    The FG revokes Malabu’s OPL 245 licence. This sets off a series of litigations over its ownership.

    May 2002

    Shell informs Malabu that its contracts have been frustrated by the revocation of the licence. Shell is officially awarded 40 per cent of OPL 245. It starts exploration and appraisal work and later signed a production-sharing deal with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). Under the deal, Shell Nigeria Ultra Deep (SNUD) agrees to pay a $209 million signature bonus, placed in an escrow account until the Malabu dispute is resolved.

    August 2002

    Shell goes to the International Court of Arbitration (ICC) to file a case against Malabu based on terms of the March 2001 agreement.

    May 2003

    The House of Representatives (HOR) orders Shell to pay Malabu $550m for damages resulting from the revocation of the OPL 245 license. It also asks the FG to return the licence to Malabu. The FG refuses to comply.

    November 2004

    The ICC rules in favour of Shell.

    November 2006

    Malabu settles with the FG. It agrees to pay $218 million to the FG in return for the licence being fully reinstated to Malabu. Malabu, however, fails to pay.

    April 2007

    Shell (SNUD) commences Bilateral Investment Treaty arbitration against the FG for wrongful expropriation.

    August 2007

    The FGN promises Shell a new prospecting licence in other blocks, worth 50 per cent of OPL 245. Shell declines.

    2008 

    The FG seeks a resolution, and negotiations commence.

    December 2010

    Mohammed Abacha, son of the former head of state, enters the ring. He launches a legal challenge arguing that Etete pushed him out of his partial ownership of Malabu.

    2010

    Eni proposes to Malabu and Shell to buy a stake in OPL 245. Malabu refuses. 

    April 29, 2011

    Malabu, Shell, Eni, and the FG reach a resolution. Malabu agrees to hand OPL 245 back to the government for $1.092 billion. Shell and Eni agree to pay the FG $1.092 billion and a signature bonus of $208 million, bringing the total payment for OPL 245 to $1.3 billion.

    [An oil rig / The Cable]

    May 20, 2011

    The $1.092 billion is placed in an escrow account opened by the FG with JP Morgan Bank. $875 million is transferred to Malabu bank accounts.

    2011

    A former Russian diplomat Ednan Agaev, claims Malabu owed him millions of dollars for arranging meetings with Shell and Eni.

    2014

    The HOR votes to cancel the OPL 245 deal.

    December 2017

    FG sues JP Morgan in London for its role in transferring the $875 million to Etete’s Malabu, alleging negligence.

    May 2018

    The main trial in Milan starts. 

    April 2019 

    A Nigerian judge issues arrest warrants for Dan Etete.

    November 2020

    A London judge rules that the Nigerian lawsuit against JP Morgan can go to a six-week trial.

    March 17, 2021 

    A Milan court acquits all the defendants in the Italian trial.

    What did Malami tell Buhari?

    In the AGF’s memo to Buhari dated February 6, he listed a lengthy series of losses that the FG has faced over the OPL-245 matter. They included defeats in the UK, US and Italy, where the courts ruled in favour of Eni and dismissed any fraud cases against Eni and JP Morgan.

    Malami asked Buhari to settle all civil and commercial cases between the FG and Eni and to convert the OPL to an Oil Mining License (OML), which, in Malami’s words, would help Nigeria take “advantage of the fast-disappearing opportunities in the oil exploration industry.”

    What else should I know?

    [Mohammed Abacha / Channels]

    The case involving Mohammed Abacha hasn’t been resolved. The EFCC is recommending that Eni pays $500m to the Abacha family. A former AGF, Mohammed Adoke, in 2017 said that even if Abacha had a claim to the oil field, he had to forfeit them to the FG.

    His words: “By Decree No 53, the (Abacha) family had forfeited all identified assets to the federal government. All undeclared assets were also forfeited.

    “People should ask if, in a decent country, the children of Abacha could come out openly to say ‘we own OPL 245’ when their father awarded the oil block. Should they have been so confident to lay that kind of a claim?

    “Why has the EFCC not gone after them to ask how they acquired an interest in OPL 245? If not that the political environment is conducive for them, they wouldn’t raise their head to be making such claims.”

    It remains to be seen if Buhari will approve this $500m payment to Abacha or whether he’ll pass the ball to the new administration. Whatever the case, it’s a relief that Nigeria can have some closure over the controversial OPL-245.

  • Champagne-Popping Nigerians Are Living Their Best Lives Under Buhari

    “Thank God it’s Friday” is a phrase you might hear from working-class Nigerians happy to come to the end of a work-heavy week. For those in the champagne industry, however, this phrase holds a different meaning as that’s when they can expect to cash out from Nigerians looking to unwind at a bar by popping a bottle or two of their favourite champagne.

    BusinessDay reports that champagne shipments to Nigeria from France have hit an eight-year high. Nigeria’s champagne import volume increased from 559,088 bottles in 2021 to 644,452 bottles in 2022, a 15.3% increase. The value of sales also rose by 17.8% to £25.3 million last year, according to data compiled by Comité Champagne.

    You all like to say there’s “no money”, but bottles keep popping. So what’s going on?

    A steady rise in demand post COVID

    In 2014, before Buhari came into office, Nigeria’s champagne import was 768,131 bottles. Under Buhari, champagne consumption was at its lowest, particularly in 2020. Then, we only imported 304,199 bottles. It takes no genius to see the correlation between the COVID-19 pandemic and a sharp fall in demand.

    However, things have been picking up ever since. Across the world, 326 million bottles of champagne were shipped in 2022, a 1.6% rise over the previous year. The top three biggest champagne markets are the USA (33.7 million), the UK (28.1 million) and Japan (16.6 million).

    Nigeria also experienced a rise, moving up four places to 28 on the list of biggest champagne markets out of 192 countries. In Africa, we’re second only to South Africa, which registered 1.3 million bottles of champagne imported. 

    According to BusinessDay, “The return of consumer confidence post-COVID, plus stability in some sectors like financial services, oil and gas, and the consumer goods sector, may be responsible for the increase in champagne volumes.” But that’s not all there is to it.

    Increase in political activities

    Nigerian politics doesn’t always have to be war. Our drinking patterns suggest that the increased consumption of champagne may also have come from high-profile political events where dignitaries come around to not only discuss politics but to be merry, inflation and cash scarcity be damned.

    However, the spike in demand is segmented. That is, not all Nigerians can afford the big-boy lifestyle. But the champagne orders don’t stop among the wealthy and the political class for whom every day is a Friday.

    Social gatherings

    Banky W sang, “there’s no party like a Lagos party”, and the data seems to support this. Another reason for the increase in champagne consumption is that more people are attending parties than during the lockdown, where there were curfews and movement restrictions. 

    Popular brands of champagne like Moet Moet Rose, Vurve Cliquote and Don Perignon cost between ₦50,000 and ₦200,000. However, not many people can afford luxurious champagne, so they opt for cheaper substitutes like wine.

    According to Euromonitor, Nigeria’s wine consumption rose to 33.1 million in 2021, the highest since 2015, from 32.0 million in 2020. 

    Nigerians are effectively saying that no matter how tough things get, nothing will get in their way of having a good time. For better or worse, you’ve got to admire our spirit—no pun intended.

  • Buhari Has Now Signed 16 Bills Into Law. What Are They?

    With President Muhammadu Buhari counting down to his Aso Rock exit, he’s been ticking off last-minute items on his bucket list. The latest was granting assent to 16 constitution amendment bills on March 17.

    Buhari received 35 bills from the national assembly but only assented to 16. So what are these bills, and how do they concern you?

    Bill No. 1

    If you’re from Ebonyi state, you want to pay attention to this bill. This bill, titled “Fifth Alteration (No.1)”, is to alter the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999, to change the names of Afikpo North and Afikpo South Local government areas (LGA). They’re now known as Afikpo and Edda, respectively.

    Bill No. 2

    This bill concerns people from Kano and is titled the “Fifth Alteration (No.2)”. It’s to amend the Constitution to change the name of Kunchi LGA. It’s now known as Ghari LGA.

    Bill No. 3

    Gather here if you’re from Ogun state. The “Fifth Alteration (No.3)” is a bill to change the names of Egbado North and Egbado South LGAs. They’re now known as Yewa North and Yewa South, respectively. 

    Bill No. 4

    The Fifth Alteration (No.4) is to correct the name of Atigbo LGA; and for related matters. The LGA is in Oyo state. Its correct spelling is Atisbo.

    Bill No. 5

    The Fifth Alteration (No.5) is to correct the name of Abia/Akpor LGA to Obio/Akpor; and for related matters. If you followed the elections closely in Rivers state, this LGA might ring a bell.

    Bill No. 6

    Fifth Alteration (No.6) is a Bill that seeks to alter the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999, to provide for the financial independence of State Houses of Assembly (HOA) and State Judiciary and related matters. This means that state HOAs and state judiciary now have financial autonomy. That’s a good thing.

    Bill No. 8

    The Fifth Alteration (No.8) regulates the first session and inauguration of members-elect of the National and State HOA. This bill provides a procedure for how assembly sessions should go.

    Bill No. 9

    The Fifth Alteration (No.9) is to delete the reference to the provisions of the Criminal Code, Penal Code, Criminal Procedure Act, Criminal Procedure Code or Evidence Act from the Constitution. This makes the constitution less voluminous since these Acts are codified separately into law.

    Bill No. 10

    The Fifth Alteration (No.10) amends the Constitution to exclude the period of intervening events in the computation of time for determining pre-election petitions, election petitions and appeals, and related matters.

    Essentially, periods in filing election petitions are sacrosanct, and no extenuating circumstances are considered. However, with this bill, pre-election petitions can now be excluded from the period if a party raises a preliminary objection or interlocutory issue (i.e. judgement given provisionally).

    ALSO READ: What Are the Rights of a Nigerian Citizen?

    Bill No. 12

    The Fifth Alteration (No.12) is to alter the Constitution to provide for the post-call qualification of the Secretary of the National Judicial Council; and for related matters.

    Bill No. 15

    The Fifth Alteration (No.15) Bill amends the Constitution to delete the item “prisons” in the Exclusive Legislative List and redesignate it as “Correctional Services” in the Concurrent Legislative List; and for related matters. While it may appear trivial, the name change is significant as it’s symbolic of what reform is, which is to correct behaviour and not necessarily punish for the sake of it. This bill also means states can now build correctional facilities instead of just the FG.

    Bill No. 16

    The Fifth Alteration (No.16) Bill is to move the item “railways” from the Exclusive Legislative List to the Concurrent Legislative List; and for related matters. As in the previous entry, states can now create railways—and earn revenue from them—just like the FG. 

    Bill No. 17

    I like to call this the “Up NEPA Bill”. The Fifth Alteration (No.17) Bill alters the Constitution to allow states to generate, transmit and distribute electricity in areas covered by the national grid; and for related matters. Fingers crossed, many states will take advantage of this.

    Bill No. 23

    In Fifth Alteration (No.23), the Bill seeks to alter the Constitution to require the President and governors to submit the names of persons nominated as Ministers or Commissioners within sixty days of taking the oath of office for confirmation by the Senate or State House of Assembly. 

    The days of “Baba Go Slow”, when Buhari had to wait till September 2015—after being sworn in on May 2015—to submit a ministerial list, are gone. Publicly elected officials need to hit the ground running. However, it remains unclear what the penalty is if they default.

    Bill No. 32

    The Fifth Alteration (No.32), the Bill amends the Constitution to correct the error in the definition of the boundary of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja, and related matters.

    Bill No. 34

     The Fifth Alteration (No.34) alters the Constitution to require the government to direct its policy towards ensuring Nigerians’ right to food and food security. More rights for us? Amen to that!

  • Can Buhari Disobey Supreme Court’s Ruling on Naira Notes?

    Much like Chinua Achebe’s most acclaimed novel, the state of Nigeria has truly begun to fall apart. This is due to the seemingly unending cash scarcity created by the CBN naira redesign policy.

    Protests have erupted in various parts of the country. POS operators are now the new ballers in Nigeria, placing transaction charges as high as ₦4k on cash withdrawals. And even the lives of individuals have been cut short due to the inability to find cash for their daily needs.

    Protesters burning an ATM fence in Benin, Edo State [Guardian Newspapers]

    Here is how the government responded to this crisis so far:

    The Federal High Court order

    After the back and forth on a deadline for the expiration of ₦200, ₦500 and ₦1,000 notes, the CBN finally gave an extension. This was from January 31 to February 10. 

    But despite more time, the redesigned notes were still not available for  use, as the February 10 deadline drew nearer. This made Nigerians question if the CBN would give a new deadline extension, or stand their ground.

    Four days before the deadline, the answer came in the form of a restraining order from the Federal High Court to the CBN. The restraining order banned CBN and the Federal Government from trying to extend the February 10 deadline any further.

    But just when Nigerians were getting used to this verdict, another ‘gbas gbos’ struck from the highest court in Nigeria — the Supreme Court.

    The Supreme Court’s controversial judgement 

    On February 3, three frustrated governors from Kaduna, Kogi and Zamfara states, decided to drag the Federal Government before the Supreme Court. Their request? An injunction barring the CBN’s February 10 deadline on old naira notes as legal tender.

    We imagine their faces look a lot like this

    The Supreme Court gave a temporary order for CBN to halt the expiration of the old naira notes until the final judgement on February 15. This caused a lot of confusion as to whose order should be obeyed — the Federal High Court or Supreme Court.

    However, when the day came, they adjourned the judgement instead to February 22. And even the temporary ruling did not ease the burden of naira scarcity in any way.

    The Buhari plot twist

    But less than 24 hours after the adjournment, President Muhammadu Buhari announced in a nationwide broadcast that the old ₦200 notes should be in circulation beyond February 10, while old N500 and N1000 notes should not be considered as legal tender. This completely disobeys the Supreme Court’s ruling of halting old naira note expiration.

    After all, the president is meant to be the boss

    But, is this legal? Does the President’s declaration supersede the highest court in the land? Citizen brought back constitutional lawyer, Festus Ogun, to give us context.

    “Buhari is exhibiting executive rascality.”

    For Festus, Buhari is on the wrong side of the law in regard to his declaration. According to Festus:

    “I don’t understand why the President would disobey the highest court in the land. There is a reason why separation of powers exists, and there is nowhere in the constitution where a President’s order supersedes that of the Supreme Court.

    He may decide to say that the Supreme Court case is between the Federal Government and the governors, but the Attorney-General of the Federation was called to represent the Federal Government. The Federal Government includes the Presidency, the CBN and all other authorities underneath it. As far as I’m concerned, he too is part of the Supreme Court trial. He has showcased the highest disrespect for the rule of law and exhibited executive rascality.”

    But despite the February 16 declaration by Buhari, the naira scarcity continues to get werser with even more protests setting in. Would we hear from the Supreme Court on February 22? Would bringing back the old N200 note improve access to cash in Nigeria?

    Only time can tell.

  • Help!! Buhari’s Kaftan Is On Fire!

    This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

    Subscribe now to get the newsletter in your email inbox at 8 am every Friday instead of three days later. Don’t be LASTMA

    Doyin Okupe Resignation Sanwo-olu Meffy

    Roses are red, violets are blue, It’s 2023 and Buhari’s still making promises. On January 2, 2023, the Burundian government sent their good wishes to Nigeria regarding our upcoming general elections. 

    They also requested that we help them with energy supplies, particularly fuel. President Buhari, like a knight in shining armour, promised to get the Nigerian National Petroleum Company (NNPC) to look into their request, which is mind-boggling, seeing as the Nigeria has been facing fuel scarcity for a while now. 

    Buhari Burundi Benue teachers

    Fuel shortage has become almost normal in Nigeria, and 2022 was no different. For a good part of the year, queues persisted in filling stations despite the many promises from the government to find a lasting solution. Instead, the situation has worsened, and many Nigerians are now forced to buy fuel at the rate of ₦250 to ₦270. 

    Buhari Burundi Benue teachers

    Despite the prayers held across the country on December 31, 2022, the problem of fuel scarcity crossed over into the new year with us. 

    This makes Buhari’s promise to Burundi almost laughable but again, lies are nothing new, especially to Nigerians, and Burundi might soon experience this too. 

    What else happened this week?

    Benue Government Shies Away From Paying Teachers’ Salaries

    Buhari Burundi Benue teachers

    A new year is upon us, and while some people are still complaining about not being paid a 13th-month salary, primary school teachers in Benue state haven’t received salaries for 13 months. 

    Some of these teachers have been owed as far back as 2017. 

    Buhari Burundi Benue teachers

    This hardship has pushed many of them into after-school farming or petty trading. According to the National Union of Teachers (NUT), no strike action has been called, but the union recently told teachers to stay home for a while as some of them couldn’t afford transport to the schools.

    While presenting its bill of ₦179 billion to the House of Assembly, the Benue state government promised to pay the salaries of workers, including retirees. But hopes aren’t particularly high because, at this point, the government is beginning to sound worse than a broken tune.

    Video of the week

    Question of the week 

    With less than three weeks left to collect your Permanent Voters’ Card (PVC), have you decided on the candidate worthy of your vote?

    Ehen one more thing…

    Former president Olusegun Obasanjo ruffled many feathers with his endorsement of the Labour Party (LP) presidential candidate, Peter Obi. Here are the major points from his letter.

  • Photoshop 101: A Nigerian Political Campaign Strategy

    On 6 January 2023, the All-Progressives Congress (APC) presidential candidate, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, caused quite a stir on social media timelines with a photoshopped picture of him appearing on a campaign billboard. 

    The victim of the act was Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, host of the popular reality TV show, Big Brother Naija (BBN). In the photo, both Tinubu and Ebuka seem to be sharing the same pose, clothes, and even his wedding ring.

    [Photo Credit: Mufasatundeednut on Instagram]

    Many Nigerians have criticized the photo, with former senator Dino Melaye even going as far as saying that there is nothing original about the “emi l’okan” man

    Sadly, this isn’t the first time politicians have been accused of the photoshop act. Here are some other cases:

    Atiku receiving a handshake from Trump

    During Atiku’s 2019 presidential campaign, a picture of him with a former American president, Donald Trump, was circulated. This was to clear rumours about his ban in the U.S. 

    However, Africa Fact Check revealed that President Muhammadu Buhari was the original person in the photo in April 2018.

    Peter Obi with “Tinubu’s Insignia” Cap

    Shortly before the Labour Party (LP) presidential candidate joined the party in May 2022, a post by Facebook user Taiwo Olaore was circulated. In the photo, Obi was wearing Tinubu’s insignia cap at an event. This drove the narrative that Obi was a supporter of Tinubu’s campaign or “BATified”.

    However, further checks by The Cable revealed that the cap was digitally imposed on his head, as he wore no cap in the original photo.

    The Buhari and ‘Jubril from Sudan’ Rumors

    In 2017, rumours started to circulate that Buhari was dead after three months of ill health in the United Kingdom. Pictures from a lookalike named “Jubril” was now the new president.

    However, this was thoroughly disputed by Buhari himself. He came out to assure the public that he has not been replaced by a double.

    Tinubu with Joe Biden

    Shortly before his Chatham House visit in 2022, a photo of Tinubu speaking with the current president of America, Joe Biden, was circulated.

    However, the APC campaign media director, Bayo Onanuga, cleared the air that the photo had been doctored and there the presidential candidate’s last location then was at Abuja.

  • Buhari Has Signed The 2023 Budget. You Should Be Worried

    On January 3, 2023, the presidency announced that the 2023 budget has been signed into law, along with the Supplementary Appropriation Act. Ordinarily, news of this should prompt excitement. And it has indeed — but for all the wrong reasons. 

    So what’s in this budget that has Nigerians in panic mode?

    A very high budget deficit

    Unless you have a passion for all things finance, budgets are often very boring documents to read and when you’re compiling a budget meant to serve 200 million people, it can turn into a snoozefest. 

    This one’s different though. The first thing that stands out is that it has a very high budget deficit.

    The budget which is themed “Budget of Fiscal Sustainability and Transition” is in fact, a joke. A budget with a deficit of ₦12 trillion cannot, by any understanding of the word, be defined as sustainable.

    In its initial executive proposal, total expenditure was set at ₦20.51 trillion. The ratified one which was signed into law by Muhammadu Buhari has an increase of ₦1.32 trillion. This brings total expenditure to ₦21.83 trillion while revenue remains at ₦9.73 trillion.

    The government has defended this increase, saying it is in response to the havoc caused by the floods that affected infrastructure and agriculture sectors. Others are sceptical, saying that the budget is being padded.

    Huge debt servicing

    A sizable chunk of Nigeria’s revenue in recent years has gone towards the servicing of debt. According to Bloomberg, Nigeria spent 80 per cent of its revenue to pay debt in the first 11 months of 2022. The trend looks set to continue. 

    More than 90 per cent of the deficit will be financed by local borrowing. Borrowing means more debt, more debt means more debt servicing which is the interest the government pays when it borrows money. ₦6.55 trillion out of the ₦21.83 trillion total expenditure has been set aside for debt servicing in 2023

    We hear you screaming omo and we are too. 

    In the third quarter of 2022, the Debt Management Office (DMO) put Nigeria’s debt at ₦44.06 trillion. On January 4, 2023, the Director General of the DMO, Patience Oniha, breaking down the 2023 Appropriation Act said:

    “Once it is passed by the national assembly, it means we will be seeing that figure (ways and means financing) included in the public debt. You will see a significant increase in public debt to ₦77 trillion.”

    ALSO READ: Nigeria May Be Moonwalking Into a Debt Trap

    Scary fiscal parameters

    If you go through the fiscal parameters — that is, assumptions made about the budget such as what the price of crude oil will trade at, inflation rate and so on, — a couple of things stand out that should set the alarm bells of Nigerians ringing.

    Based on the initial budget proposal sent to the national assembly last year, the audit firm KPMG, broke down some of the assumptions. The graphic you’re about to see makes a comparison between the 2022 and 2023 fiscal years. Check out the percentage change for each item to give you a sense of the wahala that is brewing.

    [Budget Assumption: KPMG]

    No one knows for sure how the 2023 election will play out as that could also affect how the budget is implemented. One thing’s  certain though — whoever’s coming in has work to do, and it’s not pretty.

  • What Politicians Are Spending Money On Instead of Fighting Poverty

    One game the Nigerian government loves playing is the blame game. And we’ve seen that play out many times with the current Buhari administration, from blaming the state of our country on so-called lazy youths to blaming the weather for fuel scarcity. It’s 2022, and fingers are still being pointed. 

    Early in December 2022, the Minister of State for Budget and National Planning, Clement Agba, blamed the state governments for the level of poverty in the country. Barely 24 hours later, President Muhammadu Buhari voiced the same accusation, saying the state governors were looting local government funds. 

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    The Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, disclosed that the Buhari administration has supported states with over ₦5 trillion since 2015, but millions of Nigerians are still extremely poor.

    We’re approaching the final six months of the Buhari administration with another administration  on the way, but the problems plaguing us as a nation have barely changed. 

    If the government’s allegations are true, how and on what projects were these funds spent? Well, we have a few guesses.

    Exotic rides

    Nigerian politicians know how to live soft lives on our national cake. Nobody does it better than them. We’ve also seen that they can be very cheerful givers. In April, the governor of Zamfara State, Bello Matawalle, distributed 260 brand new Cadillac 2019 model cars to traditional rulers to thank them for sustaining peace. This was a week after he distributed 15 brand new Hilux cars to leaders of “repentant” bandit groups.

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    You’d think a governor whose state has one of the highest population of out-of-school children would focus scarce resources on addressing that rather than rewarding criminals. But no, this is Nigeria, and logic doesn’t live here.

    Exploring overseas

    Our politicians were probably explorers and adventurers in their previous lives because they enjoy being anywhere but home. And if we look more closely, they started the japa trend because they mostly have their families abroad, and their children hardly ever have to pass through the ASUU strike rite of passage. Even our First Lady, Aisha Buhari, decided the country was too stressful and spent six months in Dubai and can you blame her?

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    Medical tourism

    In July 2022, the vice-president, Yemi Osinbajo, received praise for undergoing surgery in Nigeria, and that showed how low the bar is for our politicians. Millions are spent by government officials seeking foreign healthcare. And unfortunately, the ambassador of this sad trend is our president himself, who, despite his promise to end medical tourism, has spent a total of 237 days abroad for health reasons. 

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    Even 2023 presidential candidates aren’t ready to commit fully to staying in Nigeria for their medical care if they win next year’s election.

    Election campaigns

    As we already know, elections in Nigeria are expensive. The 2023 presidential nomination form for one of the political parties cost ₦100 million. This is one of the reasons why politics today is ruled by godfatherism. This system ensures successful candidates use state resources to repay favours owed once they get into office. 

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors
    Getting into office as a Nigerian politician is an opportunity to ball with your guys

    While Nigerian politicians keep pointing at non-existent excuses for their failures, Nigerians are suffering from neglect. Hopefully, the next administration we elect in 2023 will spend Nigeria’s money on Nigerians..

  • Buhari Wants You To Pay More For Your Soft Drinks

    2022 will be a memorable one for many Nigerians even if they’re trying to forget. We saw the price of items double, our naira had a makeover, our national grid died and resurrected more than a few times, schoolchildren will now be taught in their native languages, and Meffy rolled out new cash withdrawal restrictions as a Christmas gift. 

    But to end the year with a bang, the federal government is proposing adding a 20% tax on non-alcoholic beverages.

    Buhari soft drinks policy

    What does this mean for Nigerians? 

    Because soft drinks make up the bulk of non-alcoholic beverages, if the 20% tax is implemented, there’d most likely be an increase in the prices of these drinks soon. However, this isn’t the first time the government is taxing the soft drinks industry.

    What happened before? 

    Earlier this year, there was an increase in the prices of some drinks — a bottle of Coke sold formerly for ₦200 became ₦250. Unknown to many of us, this increase was because of the ₦10 per litre tax the federal government placed on Sugar-Sweetened Beverages (SSB).

    Buhari soft drinks

    What’s their reason?

    Statistics show that nearly 40 million litres of soft drinks are sold annually in Nigeria, the fourth highest in the world. This puts many consumers at risk of diseases like stroke, heart disease and type 2 diabetes. So, the government imposed the ₦10 per litre tax to reduce our consumption of these beverages. The extra revenue from the tax is channelled towards treating sugar-related diseases

    What happens now? 

    Beyond the price hike, if the 20% tax is implemented, there are other possible side effects.

    People will lose their jobs

    Since the ₦10 per litre tax has been added, many beverage companies have found it challenging to make a profit. A study showed that there had been an 8% decrease in revenue between July and August this year, and this decline is expected to reach 25% by December. 

    Buhari Wants You to Pay More for Your Soft Drinks

    If the 20% tax is further implemented, revenue figures could be further affected  and would eventually lead to the loss of jobs. 

    We’ll scare off foreign investors

    During a stakeholders’ meeting discussing the effects of the proposed government tax on December 6, 2022, it was noted that the tax discouraged one of the bottling companies from proceeding with its £300 million investment plan. And if the tax is finally implemented, we can expect more stories like this.

    The government’s plan to help reduce the consumption of carbonated soft drinks isn’t bad. Still, they must try to strike a balance instead of frustrating manufacturers and increasing our already high cost of living.

  • What Buhari Promised Us Versus What We Got

    President Buhari went into Aso Rock Villa in 2015 with a promise to change everything bad about the country. Nigerians, at this point, were tired of the rising level of insecurity, corruption and the dwindling state of the economy. Also, the combination of an ex-military general with a Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) seemed like the perfect answer to tackle all our problems. 

    However, it’s been seven and a half years, and the headaches we suffered before have become migraines under the current administration.

    What Buhari Promised Us Versus What We Got

    With only six months left for Buhari to leave Aso Rock Villa, many Nigerians are starting to wonder if they got what they ordered. 

    Unemployment

    Unemployment was one of Nigeria’s biggest problems in 2015, and Buhari promised to tackle it by creating three million jobs every year. When he became president, the unemployment rate was  8.19%, but has now climbed to a record 33% under him. No wonder insecurity is getting worse and the people who can afford to japa are running out of the country.

    Insecurity

    This is one of the significant issues that hit the nail in the coffin of the Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) government. With the deadly attacks on public places becoming more frequent, Nigerians wanted nothing more than to kiss Jonathan goodbye. Buhari capitalised on this and promised to crush the preparators completely. But it’s been seven and a half years and the situation isn’t any better.

    Instead, we’ve seen kidnappings become rampant, roads even more unsafe, and terrorists are forgiven and rewarded with gifts

    What Buhari Promised Us Versus What We Got

    Economy

    In Jonathan’s era, one dollar was equivalent to ₦196, and many of us, including Buhari, cried about the country’s economic state. Buhari promised to return the naira to its glory days, and Nigerians believed him. Unfortunately, the naira has been going in the opposite direction of its glory days and lost even more value under Buhari. 

    The president’s administration has also left millions of Nigerians poorer. According to the National Bureau of Statistics (NBS), over 133 million Nigerians currently live in poverty which is a sharp contrast to seven years ago when Nigeria was described as the largest and fastest growing economy in Africa. We were sold dreams of a revitalised economy, but  the only thing we’ve gotten is debt and high inflation rates.

    What Buhari Promised Us Versus What We Got

    Corruption

    President Buhari is the kind of man whose reputation precedes him, and for those of us who weren’t born in the military era, we heard many tales of his fight against corruption. But have you seen the level of corruption by public officials under his administration? 

    One would expect these officials would at least face severe penalties when caught but, more often than not, their crimes are swept under the rug and forgotten. So maybe Buhari’s hate for corruption was nothing but an old wives’ tale?

    What Buhari Promised Us Versus What We Got

    Medical tourism

    Before he won, Buhari promised to upgrade the health sector to stop Nigerian leaders from taking wasteful medical trips abroad. However, since he came into power, he’s become a tourist, flying overseas to treat cases such as ear infections despite having over 200 Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) specialists in Nigeria. 

    Clearly, despite his promises, President Buhari found it challenging to fulfil many campaign promises. Perhaps, he got there and realised the job was harder than he thought it would be, or maybe he just wasn’t the guy for the job.

  • Why’s SERAP Pressing Buhari’s Neck Again?

    The Socio-Economic Rights and Accountability Project (SERAP) has a track record of suing Buhari every three market days. The organisation has dragged the president to court over the embezzlement of ₦1.4 trillion meant for oil refineries, and for his failure to publish the repatriation details of Abacha’s $23 million loot, amongst others. The list of lawsuits is endless and SERAP isn’t planning on slowing down anytime soon.

    The latest lawsuit from SERAP concerns Buhari’s failure to investigate the missing trillions of naira in ecological funds from all levels of government from 2001 to date. The organisation is also demanding punishment for the suspected perpetrators of corruption and mismanagement of the funds.

    But what’s so important about this ecological fund and how could the missing trillions have helped us? Let’s go to school for a bit.

    What’s the ecological fund?

    The ecological fund is an emergency or intervention fund set up by the Federal Government in 1981 to address ecological problems in the country. Just think of it as a piggy bank for whenever Nigeria has some serious environmental issues. 

    Beneficiaries of the fund are the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA), Office of the Secretary to the Government of the Federation (OSGF), or any other projects on the approval of Mr President.

    The third option should give a clue as to where the money went to.

    How much did we have in the fund? 

    According to reports from the Federation Account Allocation Committee (FAAC), Nigeria set aside a total of ₦548 billion for the 36 states between 2012 and 2021. However, only ₦277 billion showed up in the fund while ₦74 billion was sent to state governments for their climate needs.

    So what happened to the remaining ₦197 billion?



    How could the funds have helped Nigeria?

    Nigeria’s most pressing ecological problem is floods. In 2022, the country experienced its worst flooding crisis in ten years. These floods claimed over 600 lives and displaced 1.3 million people. Victims in the Internally Displaced Persons (IDP) camps suffered from respiratory diseases, as well as cholera and diarrhea.

    These funds could have been useful if well utilised for proper healthcare, faster drainage of the floodwaters, and even better grounds for IDP camp facilities.

    One thing is sure — if there’s a lack of accountability with public funds, more climate disasters will definitely happen. That’s what SERAP is trying to prevent.

  • Who Were These Nigerian Politicians Trying to Fool With Tears?

    No one can convince us Nigerian politicians don’t have secret theatre degrees. They’ve mastered the art of putting on great shows, from dancing to leading live bands to even producing tears on cue. 

    Unfortunately for them, we’ve become used to their theatrics and can now tell when they’re trying to take us for fools. 

    Still, it’s interesting to laugh at these performances when Nigerian politicians have tried to exploit us with their tears.

    Chidi Lloyd

    The launch of the new naira notes dominated news headlines on, November 23, 2022, but it wasn’t even the most dramatic thing that happened on that day. During the commissioning of the Akpabu-Omudioga-Egbeda project in Rivers State, yet another politician went, ‘Lights, camera, action”. 

    A former Rivers State House of Assembly member, Chidi Lloyd, broke down in tears, and apologised for his behaviour towards Nyesom Wike who’s the state’s current governor. For those who don’t remember Lloyd, he stood against Wike’s administration and broke the head of his colleague, Micheal Chinda, with the House mace during a commotion inside the State Assembly complex. 

    What moved Lloyd to tears was that Wike approved the project in his hometown despite their beef, and that should just make you shake your head for Nigerian politicians. Wike now has Lloyd’s undying devotion, and tears, for doing his job.

    Ben Ayade

    Governor Ben Ayade of Cross River State has cried in public so many times that some people call him the “Cry Cry Baby Governor”. His first public display of tears was in August 2016, when he saw the living conditions of Bakassi returnees whom he donated ₦3 million.

    Ayade cried again on January 17, 2017 and May 21, 2020, when he abolished the taxation of low income earners. Does he know he’s supposed to be the governor and not the town crier?

    Saka Audu

    Remember this man?

    The 2020 lockdown period showed many Nigerians the government’s true colours when officials hoarded COVID-19 palliatives in different warehouses. The people, in return, responded to this wickedness by looting the warehouses. 

    Saka Audu was the Kogi State Commissioner for Health at the time and he put his theatre degree to great use during a press conference. He repeatedly shed tears and made the government out as the victim of the situation.  

    Clearly, the only lesson to learn here is a teary-eyed Nigerian politician should never be trusted.

    Muhammadu Buhari

    Two days before the 2011 presidential election, Buhari organised an event to mark the end of his presidential campaign. In case he’d not done enough to convince voters during the campaign, the former military general put in an Oscar-worthy performance and wept about the state of the country.

    He eventually won the presidential elections in 2015 and 2019, so maybe tears work sometimes. 

    Atiku Abubakar

    In 2019, support groups bought Atiku the presidential nomination form of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP). And perhaps to take a leaf from Buhari’s page, Atiku got emotional and cried over the love and support he got. 

    He went a step further to promise us salvation from our terrible state. The tears didn’t work this time and he lost, so maybe for the 2023 elections, he can try to add wailing to the performance. 

  • Buhari Can’t Wait to Enjoy These Benefits As a Former President

    In January 2022, Muhammadu Buhari said during an NTA interview he was tired of being Nigeria’s president

    He said “I see my colleagues, they’re now resting, and I assure you I look forward to the next 17 months when I too will be less busy. The age is telling on me — working now for six, seven to eight hours per day in the office is no joke.”

    Buhari may be complaining about all the hard work he has to do as president, but he can’t deny he’s looking forward to the benefits waiting for him after May 29, 2023.

    If you have no idea what we’re talking about, allow us explain.

    What law guides the perks ex-presidents enjoy?

    That would be the Remuneration of Former Presidents and Heads Of State (and Other Ancillary Matters) Act of 2004. The Revenue Mobilization Allocation and Fiscal Commission (RMAFC) determines the benefits package for former presidents and former vice-presidents.

    What are these benefits?

    We know that’s what you’re really after, so here’s a list of the major perks former presidents and vice-presidents receive:

    1. ₦‎350,000 monthly allowance for ex-presidents and ₦‎250,000 monthly for ex-VPs. 
    1. The families of deceased former heads of state are entitled to ₦1 million per annum, paid ₦250,000 per quarter. The families of deceased ex-VPs get ₦750,000 per annum, paid ₦187,500 per quarter.
    1. Upkeep of the spouses and education of the children of deceased ex-presidents and deceased ex-VPs up to the university level.
    1. Three to four armed policemen for security.
    1. One State Security Service (SSS) officer not below grade level 10 as an aide-de-camp to be attached for life.
    1. Three vehicles for ex-presidents and two vehicles for ex-VPs, replaceable every four years. 
    1. Drivers.
    1. An officer not below the rank of a chief administrative officer and a personal secretary not below grade level 12.
    1. Diplomatic passport for life.
    1. Free medical treatment for ex-presidents and ex-VPs and their immediate family within Nigeria.
    1.  Treatment abroad for ex-presidents and ex-VPs and their immediate family where necessary.
    1.  30 days annual vacation in Nigeria or abroad.
    1.  A well-furnished and equipped office in any location of choice within Nigeria.
    1.  A well-furnished five-bedroom house in any location within Nigeria. An ex-VP gets a three-bedroom house.

    Look at that list again and ask yourself why you aren’t running for president.

    Oh, one other thing: the spouses of deceased leaders stop receiving their benefits if they remarry so it’s beyond till death do us part. 

    When did ex-presidents start receiving a pension?

    Former leaders enjoying these perks today have one man to thank: General Sani Abacha. It was during his administration Nigeria started thinking about providing pensions for living presidents and their families. Bad belle people would say Abacha was looking out for himself and the irony is he wasn’t around to enjoy it.

    Is this practice normal?

    Former leaders around the world like in the United States and the United Kingdom receive allowances and extra benefits after leaving office. But trust Nigeria to push things to the extreme.

    In 2016, the secretary to the government of the federation (SGF), Babachir Lawal, lamented that the government couldn’t pay the salaries of past presidents due to lack of funds. Between 2018 and 2021 alone, the perks that ex-presidents and ex-VPs received cost Nigerian taxpayers ₦9.2 billion. In October 2022, findings revealed ex-presidents, ex-VPs and other appointees would receive ₦63 billion in pension in 2023.

    Clearly, the benefits package for former leaders needs to be revisited as the cost is becoming too unbearable for a country already burdened by debt. But knowing Nigerian leaders, don’t hold your breath on things changing anytime soon.

  • Buhari Should Have Spent the Naira Redesign Fund on These Things

    It’s not a secret that Nigeria is a telenovela series, with twists, mysteries and turns at almost every point. Unfortunately, these plot twists never bring Nigerians the happy endings we want and at this point we’re tired of our character development arc.

    On October 26, 2022, the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) announced its plans to redesign the naira to combat counterfeiting and manage inflation. Nigerians weren’t too pleased by the news and even the Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, didn’t like it. But at least we had hopes that maybe the makeover would be impressive. 

    Okay, what happened next?

    When President Buhari unveiled the new notes on November 23, 2022, let’s just say the designs looked… interesting.

    Is it just us or do they look like someone’s tie and dye project?

    What did Nigerians say?

    Nigerians were more disappointed than outraged, as these new notes looked like someone ran them through Snapchat filters. 

    During an interview on Channels Television, the presidential candidate of the African Action Congress (AAC), Omoyele Sowore, claimed the CBN spent about ₦218 billion on the new designs.

    While we can’t say how accurate Sowore’s figures are, we know producing these new banknotes must be expensive. But could this money have been spent better? Let’s look at some alternatives.

    ASUU

    There’s a saying amongst federal university students that, “Every generation experiences an ASUU strike.” It’s funny until you wake up one day and realise you’ve been in 100 level for two years. Just this year alone, federal universities were on strike for eight months. If some of the redesign fund was injected into the education sector, we’d have a better system.

    Flood victims

    Climate change is ruining the environment, and Nigeria is already feeling the brunt of it. This year, we faced one of the worst flooding disasters in our history, with  over 600 deaths and 1.3 million people displaced. Unfortunately, the federal government’s response to this has been underwhelming. The victims would have appreciated some of the money the government used to redesign the banknotes.

    Fix bad roads

    “I’m going to repair bad roads,” has become a mantra for politicians. But once they get into power, they wash their hands off their campaign promises and pick them up four years later for another campaign. 

    We can’t say we’re shocked at the government’s decisions so far. We can only hope that with the coming 2023 elections, we’ll vote for people who can address the challenges Nigerians really care about. 

  • Can You Name the Many Personalities of Buhari?

    Muhammadu Buhari is a man of many faces. The moment you think you’ve figured him out, he snaps his fingers, wiping the smirk off your face and leaves you feeling lost. 

    Let’s start at the beginning. 

    Buhari came to power in 2015 with the promise that he’d stamp out corruption and deliver change, among other things. Many Nigerians bought it; I mean, the pitch was interesting. Seven years on, he’s managed to live up to at least one of those promises — a change for the worse. 

    Let’s do a recap on some of the times Buhari showed us his different faces.

    Buhari the ghost

    We should have known from his inaugural speech when he said that he belonged to everybody and nobody. That’s the soundbite of a guy who has perfected the art of ghosting.

    Speaking of ghosting, our dear president has on several occasions literally gone into airplane mode when his country needed him most. Most recently, with Nigeria battling a flooding emergency affecting 34 of 36 states, what did Buhari do? He took a  trip to South Korea.

    ALSO READ: How Flooding May Affect the 2023 Elections

    Buhari the doublemouth

    In 2012, Buhari famously claimed that the oil subsidy was fraudulent. He had quite a lot to say about it. As fate would have it, Buhari became president and even appointed himself as Petroleum Minister. 

    Well, it will not surprise you to know that under him, subsidy payment has risen by 477%. In fact, from when he came in, till when he leaves in 2023, subsidy payment is expected to hit ₦11 trillion. 

    Let’s also not forget one of his campaign promises — a ban on all government officials from seeking medical care abroad. By August 2021, Buhari had spent 200 days in the United Kingdom for medical treatment since assuming office. 

    Do as I say, not as I do.

    Buhari the bully

    As part of Buhari’s rebranding, close aides described him as a “reformed democrat”. Nigerians have now learned first hand that old habits die hard. His response to #EndSARS agitations from harmless protesters was the use of brutal force. And yet, in the face of real threats like banditry, he said he hesitates in deploying excessive force.

    His bad belle in dealing with people he doesn’t like using outfits like the State Security Service (SSS), the clampdown on the press, and the banning of Twitter, will cement his legacy as a flat-track bully.

    Are there other Buhari personalities you have noticed? Do share with us. 

    ALSO READ: Buhari Needs to Do These Things Before He Leaves Office in 2023

  • Meffy’s Naira Redesign Plan May Be an April Fool’s Prank

    If you’ve paid for your aso-ebi for the launching ceremony of Nigeria’s new naira banknotes in December, you may want to cancel your order. Because only two days after the governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) Godwin Emefiele, aka Meffy, announced that three naira banknotes will be redesigned, we’ve found out that he didn’t inform everyone in the federal government that should’ve known.

    Seriously, we’re not making this up. The Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, said she heard the announcement the same way we all did. We’re still reeling from the shock of this claim. The guy in charge of Nigeria’s monetary policy announced a plan that affects our money, but the federal minister in charge of our money said, “For where?” 

    Chale, what else came up?

    Other than being sidelined, Ahmed wasn’t convinced that Meffy had done his homework before his announcement. The minister noted that the cosmetic plan would have serious consequences on the value of the naira. And when you remember how much the naira’s value has suffered already, this should make everybody’s chest tight. 

    The naira can get worse?

    Is this sort of thing unprecedented?

    The thing with Buhari’s Nigeria is that even the most outrageous things aren’t new. If the plan to redesign the naira is canceled, it wouldn’t be the first time the government has walked back on an announcement. On August 8, 2022, Buhari approved the acquisition of Exxon Mobil shares by Seplat. Two days later, he woke up on another side of his bed and reversed the approval

    So what’s next?

    When he announced his plan, Meffy said he already got Buhari’s blessing. But how could this process have happened without consulting the Ministry of Finance? So the current disconnect between the head of our monetary policy and the head of our fiscal policy has to be resolved soon. And if it means Buhari stepping in, then that’s what we should expect him to do. But are we even sure that Buhari knows?

    ALSO READ: Why Meffy and CBN Decided to Do Make-Up for Your Banknotes

  • This Nigerian Department Is Spending ₦89B of Your Money on PR

    Before October 25, 2022, many Nigerians had never heard of NAPIMS. I discovered the department by accident earlier this month when I visited a friend who lived near the agency’s head office in Lagos. At first, I thought NAPIMS was just a block of residential apartments for VVIPs.

     NAPIMS’ head office in Ikoyi, Lagos

    But after doing small amebo on my phone, I found out that NAPIMS is short for the National Petroleum Investment Management Services. The department is a subsidiary of the Nigerian National Petroleum Company (NNPC) — where all of Nigeria’s money is made and stolen. That was where my research stopped, so imagine my surprise when I saw NAPIMS in the news just weeks later.

    What did NAPIMS do?

    An audit of NAPIMS showed that the department spent ₦89.9 billion on public relations in 2021. This was more than triple the ₦20.7 billion NAPIMS spent on public relations in 2020.  

    How thoughtful of NAPIMS to stop just short of hitting the ₦90 billion mark. You’ve earned our undying gratitude, NAPIMS.

    But if just one department is spending ₦89.9 billion on public relations, shouldn’t Nigerians have actually heard of them?

    Let’s do some PR for NAPIMS, shall we?

    NAPIMS describes itself as a corporate services unit of the NNPC. The department manages the Federal Government’s investments in the upstream oil industry. That’s the boring part.

    The really interesting part is the department’s claim of maximising the Nigerian government’s oil profits. Because the obvious question is how well have they managed to do that? Let’s show you.

    The Nigerian department of flex

    As you probably guessed already, public relations wasn’t the only thing NAPIMS spent too much on. I took a closer look at the audit report and found out that this department has been flexing with Nigeria’s oil money. Audited financial statements are usually boring but I promise you this one isn’t

    In 2020, NAPIMS spent ₦680 million on maintenance but spent ₦63 billion the following year. Most of that fund probably went to maintaining stomachs rather than assets.

    In the same 2021 NAPIMS spent ₦2.2 billion on travelling and ₦1.1 billion on entertainment — because man must chop.

    Expenses on internet also went up from ₦84.6 million in 2020 to ₦6.8 billion in 2021. After all, NAPIMS is in the upstream industry, and streaming consumes a lot of data.

    Let’s also not forget that NAPIMS wrote off over ₦85 billion in bad debt in 2021.

    How are Nigerians taking this?

    An independent research analyst, Dayo Adenubi, told Citizen that NAPIMS’ administrative expenses are alarming, especially the bad debt write-off. 

    He said, “Debt write-off schemes are a common accounting fraud used by criminals to disguise unauthorised payments or reduce taxable income. I want to believe NAPIMS falls under the former.”

    A Nigerian on Twitter who claimed to have worked for NAPIMS said that despite the heavy bills, it’s still possible that the financial statement is understated. 

    “I was the Acting Head of Procurements and Acquisitions Department. My boss Mr Micah lost his family in an accident and took a year off work. If the NAPIMS books tell you they spent billions on something, just know say na trillions.”

    Another former NAPIMS staff said, “75% of NAPIMS staff are multi-millionaires. The Ogas are multi-billionaires. All IOC contracts are advertised by NIPEX but regulations, approval and contract awards are from NAPIMS (fill in the gap). In NAPIMS we only talk in dollars.”

    So what really goes on? 

    Many Nigerians are now curious about what goes on at NAPIMS as the department spends so much on public relations while remaining relatively unknown. The person best-placed to address the issue is the Minister of Petroleum Resources, President Muhammadu Buhari. But we wouldn’t hold our breath for a response.  

  • Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    Sometimes, it’s easy to forget Nigeria still has a president running things in Abuja. You’d be forgiven for thinking the country is on autopilot because the number one citizen is often missing in the face of major issues that affect Nigerians.

    Sure, you’ll find Buhari where they’re giving national awards to undeserving public officials or amnesty to thieving former governors or vacationing in London. 

    Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    But you’d never catch the president taking as much interest in critical issues like fuel scarcity or the flooding crisis that has claimed over 600 lives in Nigeria in 2022.

    On October 24, 2022, the president finally decided to take a more active interest in the flooding crisis when he ordered a committee to develop a comprehensive plan of action for preventing flood disasters in Nigeria. We’re assuming he tried to ban the floods first but moved on to the next ridiculous solution when that didn’t work.

    Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    Predictably, Buhari’s 90-day timeline for a plan has caused a stir online because it’s not addressing the present crisis. Do you know what can happen in 90 days? The United Kingdom can have three prime ministers, Asake can release seven studio albums, and you can find your soulmate in America if you’re a contestant on 90 Day Fiancé.

    Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    A match co-produced by sapa and japa

    Since we can’t do anything to make Buhari’s timeline shorter, we have some suggestions for what the committee should include in the 90-day plan.

    How to be an empathetic leader

    You’re more likely to find Buhari at a political event than at the scene of a disaster where the president can show empathy for the affected citizens. 

    Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    “Can’t I just send a tweet instead?”

    Like many other disasters that have happened under his administration, Buhari has kept from visiting displaced flood victims because it’d ruin his manicure or put the hem of his garment in danger of touching the water.

    When the committee presents the 90-day plan to him in 2023, there must be an entire section dedicated to “How to be a leader that cares” just for Buhari. They can make it a cartoon if that helps him understand better.

    Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    ALSO READ: How Nigeria’s Flooding Crisis Can Go from Bad to Worse

    How to make governors useful

    The federal government has caught the most flak for the ongoing flood crisis, but there should be some whipping reserved for state governors too. 

    Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    Nigeria actually has what’s called a “triple response structure” for disasters like flooding. The response starts from the local government to the state before it lands on the federal government when it becomes a national-level emergency. All three levels of government are allocated funds every month for ecology and disaster management.

    This means local and state governments should’ve responded better to the disaster before it became as bad as it has in the past couple of months. Instead, governors are carrying their begging bowls to the federal government and private citizens to do their jobs for them. State governors need to be more useful and that should be put on record in Buhari’s plan.

    We don’t want them reacting like this:

    How to manage a disaster without saying nonsense in public

    While millions of Nigerians were reeling from the devastation the floods have caused in their lives, the Minister of Water Resources, Suleiman Adamu, was on television trying to explain what caused the crisis. In his losing battle to absolve the government of blame for not preparing well enough, he said the floods were caused by “water that we’re blessed with from the sky”. 

    It’s hard to imagine millions of Nigerians currently consider it a blessing, so maybe he should’ve just called it “rain” like every other person not turned on by public embarrassment.

    The plan should include a section on government officials learning to speak like human beings in times like this. But we’re not holding our breath here because the same minister is coordinating this plan Buhari wants to use to fix flooding in Nigeria forever.

    How to take medicine before death

    The mathematics is simple — over 600 Nigerians wouldn’t be dead, and over 2.5 million wouldn’t be displaced if all levels of the Nigerian government did their jobs. Their failure to be more proactive in disaster management is the reason millions of Nigerians are suffering.

    It’d be nice if the committee can find a section in their plan to note that the government sucks and should be doing better.

    But while they put this plan together, the more pressing issue the government should address is how to help the victims right now and not in 90 days.

    Buhari Should Include These Things in His 90-Day Flood Plan

    ALSO READ: How to Protect Your Health in a Flooding Crisis, According to WHO

  • Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter’s Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    On September 21st, 2022, Buhari addressed world leaders at the United Nations General Assembly (UNGA). It’s the final address he’ll ever give at the annual summit as Nigeria’s president as he prepares to pack his bags in May 2023 to return home to Daura:

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    Home is where the milk is

    …or London:

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    Home is where the flight takes me

    We sat through the president’s speech so you don’t have to, and here are the things we learnt.

    Buhari is jealous of Twitter’s power

    It’s not a secret that Buhari isn’t a big fan of Twitter. After all, he did suspend the social media app in Nigeria for seven months because they deleted his sketchy tweet.

    Buhari’s UNGA speech showed that not only does he still hate Twitter, but he’s also jealous of its global influence. The president lamented that social media platforms like Twitter now give influencers the springboard to be louder than leaders on social and environmental issues.

    Our only message to Twitter can then only be this:

    Buhari doesn’t want to pay his gbese

    Nigeria’s total public debt when Buhari became president in 2015 was ₦12.1 trillion. The debt has risen like yeast over the years to ₦42.9 trillion in June 2022. Buhari’s critics have always been concerned about his debt repayment plan, but his speech at this year’s UNGA showed that he’s counting on not paying everything back.

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    “I’m not a Lannister”

    The president appealed to world leaders to consider debt cancellation for Nigeria countries facing the most severe fiscal challenges. Let’s hope he didn’t run into China’s UN delegation after his speech.

    Baba Go Slow hates the pace of democracy

    Buhari has earned many nicknames since he became president: Johnny Walker, Travel Blogger-in-Chief, Bubu, Jubril Al-Sudani and more. But the only nickname he’s ever publicly adopted himself is Baba Go Slow, which his critics used to mock the pace he deals with issues.

    The president was quick to blame the slowness of the democratic process for his own slow pace when he delivered his UNGA address. This is how he described it to world leaders:

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    The silver lining about this part of the president’s speech is he conceded democracy still provides a government with the legitimacy it needs to deliver positive change. At least, we can be confident he’ll pack his bags and leave when his second term expires in May.

    Buhari is a climate change advocate

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    “With these few points of mine…”

    Many Nigerians don’t give him credit for it, but Bubu is one of the biggest champions of climate action. It’s an issue he regularly touches on in his UNGA speeches, and his final address wasn’t an exception.

    The president reminded world leaders that Africa produces only a small proportion of greenhouse gas emissions but suffers consequences that are disproportional. His proposed solution to his colleagues is to do everything possible and mitigate the effects of the climate crisis. Let’s just be glad he didn’t propose that they ban climate change like he wants to ban everything.

    Buhari will miss his UN trips

    All good things must come to an end, and we can all recognise that bitter feeling when the curtain calls.  Buhari acknowledged this in his final UNGA speech by providing what he called his “final reflection from this famous podium”. 

    No one asked him, but he said the one legacy he’d like to leave behind is that the world holds strongly onto values that endure. And what are those values? Justice, honour, integrity, ceaseless endeavour, and partnership within and between nations. 

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    We don’t remember anytime Buhari used any of those things to reduce the price of beans or the unemployment rate in Nigeria, but it’s probably one of those, “Do as I say, not as I do” situations.

    Buhari Is Jealous of Twitter's Power and Other Things We Learnt from His UN Speech

    ALSO READ: What We Learnt from Buhari’s Trip to Imo

  • Why Buhari Isn’t Making Enough Dough for Nigeria

    To some people, Nigeria is a land with milk and honey flowing into the pockets of politicians. But to others, Nigeria is a country living a fake life just to stunt on Instagram.

    Why Buhari Isn't Making Enough Dough for Nigeria

    In reality, Nigeria’s a country neck-deep in debt with its borrowed milk and honey still flowing into the pockets of politicians.

    As a business, Nigeria is a company in distress. We recently found out that the country isn’t making enough money to even service the debt it owes. Where did all the money go?

    In a recent meeting at Aso Rock Villa, senior civil servants reminded President Buhari that the civil service needs a general salary review because sapa is in town and taking hostages. Buhari offered some excuses explanations on why the salary review is unlikely to happen. 

    Why? His government isn’t making enough dough for Nigeria.

    Why Buhari Isn't Making Enough Dough for Nigeria

    And what were the reasons Buhari highlighted for why Nigeria’s not making enough?

    Thieves

    Nigeria is one of the biggest producers of oil in the world. And oil is the country’s biggest source of revenue. But thieves in high places are stealing the country’s oil and pocketing trillions of naira that belong in the treasury. This culture of theft has always existed but got so much worse under the Buhari administration. 

    Why Buhari Isn't Making Enough Dough for Nigeria

    Nigeria was producing 2.13 million barrels of oil per day in 2015, but that has dropped to 1.25 million barrels per day as of May 2022.

    So it’s convenient that Buhari will use theft as an excuse even though he’s not doing enough to curb it. His administration recently promised to expose the “big men” responsible for all the stealing, but we’re still waiting for him to expose the ones funding terrorism, so don’t hold your breath.


    ALSO READ: Who Are the Biggest Onigbese Governors in Nigeria?


    Vladimir Putin, sort of

    Why Buhari Isn't Making Enough Dough for Nigeria

    In February 2022, President Vladimir Putin ordered Russian troops to invade Ukraine because he didn’t like his neighbours making powerful new friends. The ongoing war has disrupted the global economy and given many world leaders a convenient excuse for their domestic struggles. Of course, Buhari isn’t the type to let a good excuse go to waste so he’s blaming the war for Nigeria’s revenue issues.

    COVID-19

    COVID-19 came for everything when it ripped through the world in 2020. Nigeria even slipped into a recession after months of socio-economic lockdown across the country. So it’s only natural that Buhari would blame the virus for Nigeria’s long-lasting struggles with generating revenue. 

    Security investment

    Buhari told the civil servants his administration has poured so much into fixing security that other sectors which could boost the economy have suffered. 

    It’s the kind of excuse that made him shrink Nigeria’s Excess Crude Account (ECA) from $2.5 billion in 2015 to $376,655 in July 2022. 

    He justified the security spending by saying it’s finally being rewarded, but are Nigerians safer now than they were seven years ago?

    Why Buhari Isn't Making Enough Dough for Nigeria

    ALSO READ: How Buhari Negotiated With Terrorists and Lost

  • Buhari Wants You to Pay More Tax for Phone Calls

    If there’s one thing the Buhari government knows how to do, it’s to keep taking without giving enough back. That’s exactly how he’s driven Nigeria’s debt profile from ₦12.1 trillion in 2015 to ₦41.6 trillion in 2022

    For his next trick, he’s raising taxes on the telecommunications industry that’s going to make life a bit harder for everyone. 

    Buhari needs more of your tax

    How’s he gonna do it?

    The Minister of Finance Budget and National Planning, Zainab Ahmed, announced on August 4th 2022 that a 5% inclusive excise duty is about to fall on telecom services in Nigeria. 

    Buhari needs more of your tax

    This tax didn’t just come out of nowhere. In fact, it’s in the Finance Act of 2020 but remained dormant like a tumour just cooking to fuck up your life when you least expect it.

    Ultimately, the decision to fix the rate on excise duties was on President Always Take, and he’d been taking his time to do that, until now.

    Why’s Buhari doing this?

    Buhari needs more of your tax

    The truth is Nigeria is broke. The country’s income isn’t even enough to take care of settling its debt, not to talk of other things you need money to run. 

    Like TGIF

    And since Nigeria’s oil revenue isn’t vomiting nearly enough money, the government is looking into non-oil sectors to pull their weight. That’s why the president is turning to the telecom sector to squeeze some more revenue out of it for the government to spend.


    ALSO READ: What Nigeria Can Learn from Kenya About Cutting Politicians’ Salaries


    But how does this affect your pocket?

    When the government announced the imminent implementation of the additional 5% tax, operators didn’t waste any time in passing it on to their customers. The Chairman of the Association of Licensed Telecom Owners of Nigeria (ALTON), Gbenga Adebayo, said operators already pay too many taxes to the government and can’t shoulder another one. And what’s even crazier is that this tax is rare in a sector like telecom.

    Excise duties are indirect taxes placed on the manufacture of non-essential, potentially harmful products like alcohol and tobacco. You can call it a “sin tax” in the sense that it exists to discourage the consumption of such products.

    YOLO

    But in this case, Buhari has extended the sin tax to something as essential as talking to your family and friends as this will affect the prices of things like recharge cards and vouchers. Why would he do this? Maybe because he hates your enjoyment. Or he needs all the revenue he can get to send more exotic cars across the border to his first cousins in Niger Republic.

    Buhari needs more of your tax

    Is anyone fighting this?

    Telecom operators aren’t happy about the excise duty, but they’re passing the burden of it to their customers like it’s an STD, so it may be naive to expect them to put up a spirited fight. But someone else has offered to do that. 

    Resident terrorist sympathiser who’s also the Minister of Communications and Digital Economy, Isa Pantami, is a surprise objector to the tax.

    The minister said more taxes on the telecom sector makes no sense as it’s already one of the government’s hottest honeypots

    Buhari needs more of your tax

    Pantami feels so strongly about the tax that he’s vowed to fight it by any means necessary so it doesn’t destroy the digital economy sector.

    What’s the damage here?

    Only a handful of countries place excise duty on telecom services. And the danger is that consumption levels may drop because Nigerians are already seeing shege with the state of the economy. If demand drops, the revenue generated from the telecom sector may start to shrink and ultimately worsen Nigeria’s revenue headache.

    Right now, it’s still unclear when full implementation of the excise tax will commence, but if it does, communication is about to get more expensive for you.

    ALSO READ: Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars to Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic

  • Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars to Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic

    Since Buhari became president in 2015, he’s tried many different methods to tackle Nigeria’s worrying security crisis. 

    His administration has tried brute military force, paid ransom to terrorists, given them amnesty and verbally warned and pleaded with them to stop terrorising Nigerians. 

    Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars To Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic

    “Can you cease terrorism and let me look good for one minute?”

    Since all of these have failed to solve the crisis, Buhari is going for something new and is tackling insecurity by *checks note* buying exotic vehicles for another country.

    Wait, what?

    In February 2022, President Giveaway approved a ₦1.2 billion contract awarded to Kaura Motors Nigeria Limited. The contract covered the delivery of 10 Toyota Land Cruiser V8 SUVs to the government of Niger Republic. Each one of these vehicles costs N806 million and looks something like this:

    Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars To Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic

    What Boko Haram terrorist will see this monster and not flee?

    Why did Buhari use Nigeria’s money to make such a huge investment in Niger Republic? For security, apparently. He did it because Niger Republic “requested for logistic support”. In which case, if that’s how easy it is to get anything out of Buhari, we’d like to request a bottle of 10% GDP growth and a side dish of single-digit inflation.

    Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars To Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic

    The details of the Toyota affair first made their way online in a Sahara Reporters’ report in June 2022. But it wasn’t until independent journalist, David Hundeyin, tweeted a screenshot of an official budget office document on August 2nd, 2022 that it really caught the attention of Nigerians.

    And it was at that point that it was too hot for the government to ignore.


    ALSO READ: Fast and Furious 10? Zamfara Is Using Fancy Cars to Fight Insecurity


    So, what did the government say?

    When journalists questioned the Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, about the Toyota deal at a media briefing on August 3rd, 2022, she pretty much claimed that Nigeria is helping Niger to help Nigeria.

    Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars To Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic

    The minister said it’s not the first time that Nigeria is helping Niger and other immediate neighbouring countries like Cameroon and Chad to enhance their security capacity as it’s in Nigeria’s best interests.

    But what exactly are these vehicles for?

    Before we go on, remember, again, that this is what the vehicles look like:

    According to the document in Sahara Reporters’ report, the vehicles aren’t billed to patrol the borders or pursue Boko Haram terrorists troubling both countries. They’re actually meant for the protection of VIPs.

    The vehicles will be used to assist Niger in the transportation and movement of high-ranking officials, top government functionaries and foreign VIPs visiting the country. That’s it. Nigeria basically bought a convoy of exotic cars for Niger Republic officials to feel safer.


    ALSO READ: How Buhari Has Freed 1,629 “Repentant” Boko Haram Members


    What’s Buhari’s obsession with Niger Republic?

    Buhari has maintained many times that Nigeria needs to keep a cordial relationship with its close neighbours to enhance the fight against trans-border terrorism. But his open bromance with Niger Republic is especially suspicious.

    His administration’s decision to build a 284km rail line to Niger for nearly $2 billion continues to raise eyebrows. The president’s pattern of behaviour when it comes to Niger has inevitably given life to conspiracy theories that he’s actually a citizen of the neighbouring country. This wasn’t helped by the fact that he once kind of admitted he has first cousins from there, in a bid to defend his rail project.

    If there’s any lick of truth to that theory, then we can explain Buhari’s pattern of behaviour as nothing more than Niger’s biggest export using Nigeria’s money to do diaspora remittance.

    Like the Minister of Finance said, there’s nothing much Nigerians can do about it other than exercise their rights to ask questions. And Nigerians have been asking questions like, “What the fuck?” and “What about ASUU?”

    But will Buhari provide answers? Or is he already preparing the next giveaway to his first cousins in Niger?

    Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars To Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic

    ALSO READ: Why Is Buhari Using Nigeria’s $1 million to Do Giveaway for Afghanistan?


  • Why You Shouldn’t Hold Your Breath for Buhari’s Impeachment

    For a country that doesn’t have a history of exceptional leadership, it’s such a wonder that Nigeria has never impeached a democratically-elected president before. 

    The only way to explain that is that political interests at the national level are too entrenched to pull off an impeachment — plus the complicated process of removing an elected president from office.

    But Buhari is now facing threats of removal if he doesn’t get his act together and fix everything in six weeks.

    Why You Shouldn't Hold Your Breath for Impeachment of Buhari

    What’s the real tea?

    During a plenary session of the Senate on Wednesday, July 27th, 2022, senators on the platform of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) dramatically walked out of the chamber. 

    The protest happened shortly after the end of a two-hour closed-door executive session. This is the kind of session where the senators discuss things they don’t want the public to feast on.

    When they resumed regular session and let the media and public back inside the chamber, the Senate President, Ahmad Lawan, just wanted things to proceed as outlined on the day’s agenda. But the Minority Leader, Philip Aduda, said, “Hold on, wait a minute. Aren’t we forgetting something?”

    Why You Shouldn't Hold Your Breath for Impeachment of Buhari

    The something Aduda was referring to was a discussion during the closed-door session that involved Buhari. Apparently, senators expressed their disappointment about how the president has handled Nigeria’s security crisis so badly. 

    They’d agreed to publicly ask him to fix the situation in six weeks or face impeachment, but Lawan failed to allow the issue to be tabled when they resumed the public session.

    Aduda then staged a walkout with other senators in minority parties, before briefing the media on what they’re cooking.

    Why You Shouldn't Hold Your Breath for Impeachment of Buhari

    ALSO READ: How Zamfara Deputy Governor Played the Game of Thrones and Lost

    Will Buhari be impeached?

    The impeachment position of the rebellious senators resonates with a section of Nigerians, but there are a number of reasons it’s doomed to fail.

    APC majority won’t let it happen

    This is kind of straightforward. The APC controls a majority in the Senate and the House of Representatives. For a Nigerian president to be impeached, a two-thirds majority of all National Assembly members must be on board once a notice is served. 

    Just by the pure politics of it alone, there’s no way an impeachment proceeding will fly in an APC-dominated parliament. As hopeful as it is to believe Nigerian lawmakers can put party loyalties aside and evaluate Nigeria’s dire situation more objectively, it’s unlikely to happen.

    Buhari has survived impeachment threats before

    Why You Shouldn't Hold Your Breath for Impeachment of Buhari

    If there’s a Nigerian politician who has nine lives, his name is Buhari. He didn’t contest for the presidency five times, survive a bomb attack and battle mysterious illnesses, to fall to impeachment. 

    This isn’t the first time Nigerian lawmakers have threatened Buhari with impeachment over incompetence on security. But the history of those threats shows it’s all bark and no bite. An impeachment notice for Buhari will likely never even reach the floor of the National Assembly. 

    It’s all political theatre

    If the senators that threatened to impeach Buhari are actually serious about it, they’d just go ahead and do it. Instead, they’ve set him a deadline of six weeks to solve the insecurity he’s failed to solve in seven years. What would be the metric of success in six weeks? Less frequent terrorist attacks or an impossible zero? How will they determine his success or failure? What’ll happen when the Senate resumes from its “summer break” in September?

    There’s a timeline issue

    Even if all of the points that have come before this are irrelevant and protesting lawmakers actually have a shot at removing the president, there’s a question of if it’s worth the trouble. Impeachment is a long and tedious process that gets very political and messy. It all seems like unnecessarily rocking the boat for a president with 10 months left to retirement.

    But, in any case, we watch and wait. 

    Why You Shouldn't Hold Your Breath for Impeachment of Buhari

    ALSO READ: How To Impeach An Incompetent President

  • More Things Buhari Needs to Ban to End Insecurity

    It’s well-established by now that it’s dangerous to leave the Buhari government to think about anything by themselves. So, it’s no surprise that the president is now considering a nationwide ban on okada operations. Why? To fight insecurity, of course. The logic is that banning motorcycles makes it harder for terrorists to operate in the manner they currently do.

    The government believes banning okada is a small price for Nigerians to pay to finally say goodbye to killings across the country. This got us thinking about how many more things the government should ban to achieve its goal. 

    If we were allowed to be part of the National Security Council (NSC), here are the things we’d recommend for banning so that peace can reign.

    Poverty

    Poverty undoubtedly provides a steady supply of recruits for terrorism and crime in general. It’s easier to convince someone that has nothing going for them to enlist for a life of destruction. Building a more prosperous country for all automatically blocks this pipeline and insecurity would quickly reduce as a result. It’s simple maths.

    But the only reason it’d be hard for the government to ban poverty and build a prosperous country is that they’d have to actually put in stellar work to pull it off. But alas….

    Amnesty programmes

    More Things Buhari Needs to Ban to End Insecurity

    “Go and sin no more” has become a strategy that the Buhari government has perfected for the worst sinners. The Federal Government has its Operation Safe Corridor programme for repentant Boko Haram terrorists, and some state governors have also offered amnesty deals to terrorists in their territories. Even a wanted terrorist with a ₦5 million bounty on his head recently scored a chieftaincy title in Zamfara.

    There’s nothing to show that these peace deals for terrorists are working, so it’s time to put an end to them. Send terrorists to prison or to God.

    ALSO READ: Zamfara State Gives Award for “Best in Terrorism”

    Prison breaks

    More Things Buhari Needs to Ban to End Insecurity

    Speaking of prison, Nigeria has been failing miserably to keep criminals in prison while they await trial or serve their prison terms. More than 4,000 prison inmates who have escaped since 2020 are still on the streets. It’d be nice if the government actually focuses on excelling at things within its control. No more prison breaks, please.

    5G

    It’s already been blamed for a global pandemic, so what’s one more thing in Nigeria? 5G has actually had a tough time finding a home here, and we may as well just ban it so that terrorists don’t have access to even better connectivity to make the government look even more incompetent. 

    Firecrackers and knockouts

    More Things Buhari Needs to Ban to End Insecurity

    Since we’re just banning anything now

    Firecrackers have already tasted bans in some states so it wouldn’t even be shocking to fully ban them. Firecrackers already sound like guns and explosives. If you’re thinking like the Nigerian government, you want to ban them now before they develop minds of their own and grow to become guns and bombs.

    Lai Mohammed

    More Things Buhari Needs to Ban to End Insecurity

    You can’t defeat insecurity with lies and propaganda. And there’s something about Lai Mohammed always claiming Nigeria’s security is improving that feels like it’s adding to the problem. To do better at tackling insecurity, we need to stop people who may hide the truth about the situation. And who better to start with than Lai?

    Ban it

    ALSO READ: Buhari’s Weirdest Decisions We Thought Were April Fool’s Day Jokes But Weren’t

  • Why Census Matters to Nigeria

    On July 13th, 2022, Nigeria’s National Population Commission (NPC) kicked off a trial phase for a census, an official survey of the population of the country. 

    Buhari has approved census for Nigeria

    Buhari is designated number one on the list

    The dress rehearsal is one of the major preliminary activities to determine the NPC’s readiness for the main population and housing census in 2023.

    It represents a major step in Nigeria’s bid to conduct a census after postponements every year since 2016. The point of a census is pretty straightforward — it provides vital information about the inhabitants of an area. But its execution in Nigeria hasn’t always been as straightforward.

    Nigeria has had past problems with census

    History of census in Nigeria

    The first population census in Nigeria’s recorded history happened in 1866 but was restricted to the Lagos Colony and its environs under colonial rule. The headcount started to hold every 10 years after the 1871 census was followed by others in 1881, 1891 and 1901. 

    The census conducted in 1911 extended to other parts of the Southern Protectorate, and the next one in 1921 extended to the Northern Protectorate, after the 1914 amalgamation of both regions.

    Another census took place in 1931, before Nigeria conducted its first comprehensive nationwide census in 1952 – 1953. The latter determined the political distribution of seats in Nigeria’s post-independence parliament. 

    When the first post-independence census was conducted in 1962, it was cancelled over allegations of fraud and political interference. The government conducted another census in 1963 and ended up with 55.7 million residents on paper. The tally was contested all the way to the Supreme Court which upheld its validity. 

    The 1973 census pegged Nigeria’s population at 79.8 million but the government never officially accepted the result. Critics said the numbers were falsified for political and ethnic advantages.

    The 1991 census is regarded as one of Nigeria’s most unproblematic, alongside the 2006 census that pegged Nigeria’s population at 140.4 million. But they didn’t escape allegations of manipulation. 

    There’s always someone like this after every Nigerian census

    Nigeria’s attempt to conduct a census since another ten-year period elapsed in 2016 has hit several roadblocks, until now.

    ALSO READ: How to Become a Gun Owner in Nigeria

    Why conduct a census?

    Nigeria needs a census

    A census isn’t that much different from tracking what’s in your bank account. Why do countries place so much importance on it?

    It provides a rich source of information

    The most useful advantage of a census is it provides the government with the most appropriate data than any other survey. A census isn’t just a head count. It’s a process primed to extract reliable, representative and accurate information.

    It helps with planning for development

    Census helps with development goals

    The detailed demographic and socioeconomic information that a census provides can have a significant impact on the lives of citizens as it determines many variables. Census data can be used to plan and deliver services more efficiently for social, economic and infrastructural development. For example, if a census shows a pattern of more aged people in an area, it can help determine what specific resources to funnel there.

    It determines political representation

    Census helps with political representation

    The result of a census is also crucial to determining political representation. The 1999 constitution (as amended) allows periodic reviews of the division of states into senatorial districts and federal constituencies based on census data. This means the result of a census can determine how many representatives a state can send to the Federal House of Representatives based on distribution.

    It helps with making business decisions

    Census helps the private sector

    The result of a census is also valuable to businesses that need data on the communities they serve. The decision to start a new business, open a new branch of an existing business or what new products to offer can be made more efficient with census data.

    Why Nigeria has troubles with census

    Conducting a population census is a very expensive and labour-intensive process. This is one of the major reasons why Nigeria hasn’t been able to conduct a new one since 2016. Senators weren’t too happy in 2021 when the NPC budgeted over N400 billion for the process. The Federal Government eventually settled on N177 billion for the 2022 project. 

    But more than cost, the most common issue with census in Nigeria is the corruption of numbers. The falsification of figures is usually with the intention to skew resource allocation for regional gains. But the digitisation of the ongoing process should help eliminate political interference and manipulation as much as possible.

    Without accurate data, it’s impossible for Nigeria to make the most efficient plans for its development. It’s important that we get it right this time around.

    ALSO READ: How Nigeria Plans to Recapture Escaped Prison Inmates

  • Even Buhari’s Convoy Isn’t Safe from Terrorists

    If there’s anything remarkable about Nigeria’s problems under the Buhari administration, it’s that anything can land at anybody’s doorstep at any time; anybody can collect when they least expect it. 

    Will a terrorist attack on an advance team sent by President Buhari to his own hometown change how he sees the state of insecurity in Nigeria?

    And with insecurity being one of the country’s biggest problems, even the president isn’t too big to have a taste.

    What happened? 

    On July 5th, 2022, a group of terrorists attacked the presidential convoy near Dutsinma in Katsina State. But President Buhari was missing from the party because the convoy was actually transporting an advance team for the president’s imminent trip to his native Daura to celebrate Sallah. The convoy consisted of security guards and protocol/media officers of the presidency.

    Will a terrorist attack on an advance team sent by President Buhari to his own hometown change how he sees the state of insecurity in Nigeria?

    According to a statement by presidential spokesperson, Garba Shehu, the terrorists were waiting for the convoy where the attack happened. They opened fire on the convoy and this turned into a gunfight with presidential security personnel. A joint force of soldiers, police officers and agents of the Department of State Services (DSS) contained the attack.

    What’s the damage?

    Fortunately, nobody died. Two people in the presidential convoy sustained minor injuries and have been treated, while everyone else made it safely to Daura where the president will join them later. The presidency didn’t say if security operatives killed or wounded any of the attackers.

    What’s the exposure here?

    Will a terrorist attack on an advance team sent by President Buhari to his own hometown change how he sees the state of insecurity in Nigeria?

    Despite the escalating insecurity in Nigeria, Buhari has stuck to the claim that it isn’t much of a big deal compared to when he was inaugurated in 2015. In his May 2022 statement marking the end of the Holy month of Ramadan, the president said the battle against terrorists was approaching its end — a worn-out claim he’s used repeatedly since 2015.

    It’s custom for President Buhari to spend Sallah in his native Daura. The terrorists definitely knew this, and the fact that they deliberately ambushed his convoy speaks volumes that even the president’s ears shouldn’t miss. But that’s being optimistic.

    When he eventually lands in Daura, days from now, for the Sallah celebrations, Buhari should take the time to reflect on his inaccurate claims about how much more secure Nigeria has become under his administration. Because even the people paid to protect his life aren’t safe from the madness.

    ALSO READ: How Buhari Has Freed 1,629 “Repentant” Boko Haram Members

  • How Buhari Has Freed 1,629 “Repentant” Boko Haram Members

    The final ceremony that turns a “repentant” Boko Haram terrorist into a responsible member of the Nigerian society is surprisingly glossy. Hundreds of men, dressed in uniform green and white attire, place their hands on the Holy Quran and promise to stop being bad boys. A bunch of people dressed in fancy clothes clap for them. Everybody goes home happy. 

    This ceremony is the final component of Operation Safe Corridor (OSC).

    Buhari started Operation Safe Corridor

    Safe corridor for who?

    In President Buhari’s wisdom, he set up a rehabilitation programme for Boko Haram in 2016. You may remember them as the terrorists that killed over 30,000 people in northern Nigeria from 2009 to 2021. 

    The goal of Operation Safe Corridor is simple — provide incentives for terrorists to encourage them to stop killing people. The icing on that reward system is forgiveness for their past sins and freedom to return to the communities they used to terrorise.

    Buhari started Operation Safe Corridor

    How does it work?

    As a terrorist tired of the bloodlust, all you have to do is surrender to the military. Then you’re screened and enrolled into the OSC programme that promises “de-radicalisation, rehabilitation, and reintegration” (DRR). You then undergo a series of medical screenings, psychological counselling, drug abuse counselling and vocational training, because an idle hand is the devil’s workshop.

    Also, the military pumps you full of the western education juice that Boko Haram hates and fights against.

    Buhari started Operation Safe Corridor

    The repentant terrorists are also called “clients” for some reason. 

    ALSO READ: How Does “Operation Safe Corridor” Work?

    What’s the latest?

    The Nigerian military rolled out a new batch of graduates of Operation Safe Corridor on March 13th, 2022. 559 clients took the oath to never do terrorist stuff ever again and were dispatched to communities where they’ll be reintegrated. The latest batch increases the number of OSC graduates to 1,629 since the programme launched. 

    The pipeline of clients is expected to swell over the coming years, as over 5,000 terrorists reportedly surrendered to the military between May 2021 and January 2022 alone.

    The government has been loud about the fact that only “low-risk” fighters are admitted into the programme. These low-risk fighters are those that were captured and forced to bear arms for Boko Haram. The government has also denied many claims that the former terrorists are recruited into the Nigerian military.

    Who’s not happy with Operation Safe Corridor?

    There’s a lot of public hostility towards Operation Safe Corridor. It’d take all day to list the many types of people that are not on board with the programme, but the most important group is the communities expected to accept the repentant terrorists (for obvious reasons). Many of them don’t believe that OSC graduates have changed just because of a few nice words. 

    What’s worse is, some of these communities are still terrorised by the activities of Boko Haram. Many displaced victims have also not been resettled. These communities don’t understand why they are expected to live happily ever after with their tormentors when the war is still active.

    Is Operation Safe Corridor working?

    The effectiveness of OSC has been called into question many times. The government points to the volume of people that have surrendered as a success story. But critics don’t think that’s enough.

    Thousands of fighters surrendered in 2021 only after the death of longtime Boko Haram leader, Abubakar Shekau. His death left his group weak against the Islamic State West African Province (ISWAP) that has been fighting Boko Haram for territorial control. So, it’s plausible that these men and their families surrendered for survival and not because they’re truly repentant.

    It’s difficult to determine how repentant these terrorists are, but the government is not slowing down in graduating them.

    ALSO READ: 82 People Killed in 3 Days: Everything We Know About Kebbi Massacres

  • Supreme Court Tells Buhari to Drink Executive Order 10 And Mind His Business

    When President Muhammadu Buhari signed Executive Order 10 two years ago, it was with the best of intentions.

    There is no precise judicial definition of what an executive order is but think of it as a wuru wuru to the answer kind of legislation. It allows a president to issue a directive without going through the painful process of begging the National Assembly for approval.

    The Buhari Executive Order 10 takes away the governors' ability to control the legislature and judiciary

    “Serve me 10 cups of executive orders, please.”

    What is Executive Order 10?

    Money makes the world go round, and this is especially true for Nigerian politics.

    The key goal of Buhari’s Executive Order 10 was to enforce the financial independence of the state legislature and judiciary whose purse strings are controlled by their governors.

    The process currently works in such a way that governors receive allocations for these arms from the Federation Account, but have the final say on what they can let them have.

    It’s essentially a parent-child relationship that allows the governors maintain some undue influence on important arms of government that are supposed to be independent and even check them.

    If you relied on your parents for weekly allowance, how likely are you to obey their unfair 5 pm curfew order? And would they even take you seriously when you tell them 9 am is too early to be drinking alcohol?

    “Hennessy 250

    “Ko ma lo ni titi”

    This is how state executives currently relate with the legislature and judiciary, but remember that they are supposed to be siblings with equal amount of independence.

    Enter the dragon Buhari

    Section 121(3) of the 1999 constitution (as amended) stipulates that the amount credited to the judiciary should be paid directly to the heads of courts.

    But the governors said, “What is a constitution?” and continue, to this day, to control the tap and do as they wish.

    The Buhari Executive Order 10 takes away the governors' ability to control the legislature and judiciary

    “Economy is hard. Just manage this for now.”

    Buhari used Executive Order 10 to empower the Accountant-General of the Federation to deduct directly from the Federation Account the allocations made to any state that fails to release funds meant for its legislature and judiciary.

    Governors are sugar daddies to their state legislative and judicial arms, but Buhari’s order established the Federal Government as the alpha sugar daddy.

    The Buhari administration's Executive Order 10 wants financial freedom for the legislature and judiciary

    Pushing his luck further, Buhari said in Executive Order 10 that State Governments must set up committees to determine a workable budget for each arm of the government. 

    This would be based on the needs communicated by the accounting officers of those arms.

    State Judiciary Budget Committees were also to be created to prepare, administer and implement the budgets that meet the needs of the judicial arms.

    You say?

    Predictably, governors were pissed at Buhari’s meddling into their affairs and told him to sit down in one place.

    The Buhari Executive Order 10 takes away the governors' ability to control the legislature and judiciary

    They said his order was unnecessary and unconstitutional and hinted he doesn’t understand the interpretation of Section 121(3) of the constitution he was using to justify Executive Order 10.

    The order was supposed to take effect on May 20, 2020, but a back-and-forth between the governors and the Buhari administration delayed that until a case was filed at the Supreme Court.

    A judgement delivered on February 11, 2022 agreed with the governors and established that Buhari was overstepping the limit of his constitutional powers.

    Nengi In Tears As Ozo Is Evicted From BBNaija Lockdown House -

    Six of the seven-member panel of judges said the Federal Government has no right to tell State Governments how to run their households if there’s no clear constitutional backing.

    Justice Uwani Abba-Aji, the only judge who disagreed with the verdict, rebuked the governors for the ‘hanky-panky’ methods they have employed to deny financial independence to their judicial arms. 

    He noted that Buhari’s Executive Order 10 would have corrected the constitutional wrong being done by the governors.

    We imagine Justice Abba-Aji gave his minority verdict like this:

    Who won?

    Executive orders are not clearly defined in the 1999 constitution, but the Buhari administration has signed 10 of them, after the three presidents before him since 1999 signed a combined total of zero.

    Even though they allow presidents to skirt legislative review, they still need to not clash with the constitution. 

    It is a deliberate mechanism to make sure democratic leaders do not become dictators.

    State judiciary and legislature are indeed living in the bondage of their all-powerful sugar daddies governors, but it appears Executive Order 10 won’t be their way out.

  • Interview With Twitter Bird: “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”

    Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.


    After seven months of being denied entry into Nigeria because of the Twitter ban, the Twitter bird finally regains its freedom. The Nigerian government called off the ban on January 13, 2022. 

    We knew the Twitter bird would have a lot to say about its experience, so we invited it to our office for an exclusive interview about its time in exile and how it feels to be back and breathing Nigeria’s polluted air.

    [Twitter Bird flies in singing “Bird Set Free” by Sia]

    Twitter Bird: 

    Clipped wings, I was a broken thing

    Had a voice, had a voice but I could not sing

    You would wind me down

    I struggled on the ground, oh

    So lost, the line had been crossed

    Had a voice, had a voice but I could not talk

    You held me down.

    Zikoko: Wow. Is this Sia or her younger sister?

    Twitter Bird: [Sings with more vigour]

    And I don’t care if I sing off key

    I find myself in my melodies

    I sing for love, I sing for me

    I’ll shout it out like a bird set free

    I’ll shout it out like a bird set free

    I’ll shout it out like a bird set free.

    Zikoko: Wow, wow. Applaudise!

    [Twitter Bird finishes singing, surveys Zikoko’s office and hisses]

    Twitter Bird: You people are not ready. [Prepares to fly out]

    Zikoko: Ah, please wait. What happened, what did we do?

    Twitter Bird: I just came back to this your country. I even sang my freedom anthem, and none of you thought to lay a red carpet down for me?

    Zikoko: We appreciate the anthem. In fact, we appreciate everything you have done. But we didn’t lay a red carpet because you fly. 

    Twitter Bird: You should have laid it on the floor. [Lands on the floor] As you can see, I can also walk. [Flies back up]

    Zikoko: Ah, sorry for the lack of initiative. It will not happen again.

    Twitter: It better not. Before we even start let me just tell you, if your leaders try to ban me again, it’s goodbye forever. I’ll start a new life elsewhere and forget you.

    Zikoko: Nigerians can’t be easily forgotten. In fact, we can boldly say that Nigerian Twitter is one of the best places to be.

    Twitter Bird: Then talk to Buhari. I didn’t like being locked away. Every single time Nigerians had to turn on VPN to access me, I felt sad.

    Zikoko: Well, you weren’t exactly gone. The VPN was helpful.

    Twitter Bird: Yes, it was helpful, but if someone locks the front door and you have to enter through the window, is it still the same thing?

    Zikoko: No, it isn’t.

    Twitter Bird: Exactly. Anyway, let me sit down. I have a lot of places to be today. I can’t waste my strength staying in the air for this.

    [Twitter Bird settles down]

    Zikoko: Welcome! We are so pleased to have you—

    Twitter Bird: And I just want to say that I hope Nigerians will appreciate me more, now that your government has opened the door for me.

    Zikoko: We do oh. 

    Twitter Bird: Let’s hope so.

    Zikoko: But wait sef, don’t you also send people to Twitter jail?

    Twitter Bird: I don’t get your point…

    Zikoko: People’s accounts are suspended all the time, and—

    Twitter Bird: Oh so, now I am capable of suspending people’s accounts, right? I should speak to the people about putting me on the payroll and giving me a monthly salary. Must be nice to be a bird with the ability to suspend accounts.

    Zikoko: Don’t take this the wrong way, please.

    Twitter Bird: No, no, it just funny that you can equate me being banned from Nigeria to suspension of spam accounts. What is that jump? The person that tweeted something about Nigerians having analogy usage problems didn’t lie.

    Zikoko: Please, hold on what I’m saying is—

    Twitter Bird: There’s no point there, Interviewer. Do you know what it feels like to be banned from an entire country? At least when accounts are suspended, many people create another account. Can I create another country where I am unbanned? 

    Other social media apps were flourishing here in that period. Trends were distorted, something would be trending in Nigeria and I would see it on the Netherlands trends table. Is that something worth being happy about? Even the day Facebook and the others went down people still used VPN to complain on Twitter.

    Zikoko: Sorry you had to relive that awful memory.

    Twitter Bird: Please ask tactical questions next time or I’ll fly away. 

    Zikoko: Now that you’re allowed back here, what’s your relationship with Lai Mohammed and Bashir Ahmad like?

    Twitter Bird: I’d rather not talk about it.

    Zikoko: In the last interview we had with you just after the ban was announced, you said they might cage you if they caught you in our office.

    Twitter Bird: And now, I know why the caged bird sings. [Twitter Bird gazes into the distance]

    Zikoko: [wiping a tear] Come through, Maya Angelou.

    Twitter Bird: *chirp chirp* Right now, I don’t think anything can happen. We’re all on the same page. You can’t enjoy me and still be working against me.

    Zikoko: Be grateful they are not Lagos men. Those ones will enjoy you and actively work against you.

    Twitter Bird: You humans are tiring. I can’t relate.

    Zikoko: So, what will the situation be like for you now, especially with Crowwe and Koo in the market?

    Twitter Bird: I don’t know she or her.

    Zikoko: Haba, don’t be like that nau. They are your fellow social media apps.

    Twitter Bird: Are they? Who knows them, does Google recognise them?

    Zikoko: Ehen nau. Koo was introduced as an alternative to you, after you were denied entry into Nigeria.

    Twitter Bird: Well, here’s a tweet that perfectly sums up what I have to say:

    Zikoko: Omo, please speak softly. They just unbanned you; the gates of your prison are still wide open oh.

    Twitter Bird: And Nigerians can still download their VPNs back, so what are you saying?

    Zikoko: You’re bold o.

    Twitter Bird: That’s what seven months in a transparent jail does to you. 

    Zikoko: But what about Crowwe, Adamu Garba’s brainchild?

    Twitter Bird: [bursts into loud laughter]

    Zikoko: Why are you laughing?

    Twitter Bird: Brain child suggests the existence of a brain. I wouldn’t say—

    Zikoko: Oya, swallow it like that. Don’t put us in trouble. 

    Twitter Bird: I like how your government leaders think I don’t know why they decided to give me my back my freedom.

    Zikoko: Oh, you do? Tell me, please.

    Twitter Bird: 2023 is a few months away.

    Zikoko: 

    Twitter Bird: Oh, I’m not mad at it. In fact, I admire the thought process. But there’s one thing I want to say to them. Is there a camera I can look at while I speak to them?

    Zikoko: Uhm, Twitter Bird, this is not a video interview.

    Twitter Bird: All well and good. You help me tell them then?

    Zikoko: Depends on the message o…

    Twitter Bird: You couldn’t live with your own failure, where did that bring you? Back to me.

    [Twitter Bird flies away, singing its freedom song.]

    Now I fly, hit the high notes

    I have a voice, have a voice, hear me roar tonight

    You held me down

    But I fought back loud, oh

    No, I don’t care if I sing off key

    I find myself in my melodies

    I sing for love, I sing for me

    I’ll shout it out like a bird set free

    I’ll shout it out like a bird set free

    I’ll shout it out like a bird set free

    [Zikoko turns off VPN]

    Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.


    READ NEXT: Interview With The Remembrance Day Pigeons: “Tell Buhari We Have Just Started”

  • 11 Reasons Why Sex Should Be Abolished In Nigeria

    We don’t care if you enjoy sex or not. The damage caused by that act is enough and it is time for the government to abolish sex in Nigeria. Here are 11 good reasons why this must happen ASAP.

    1. Sex brings pregnancy.

    Be honest with yourself, do you want pregnancy at this time?

    2. Pregnancy brings babies, and babies steal your peace of mind.

    Osuwon 2 Latest Yoruba Movie 2020 Drama Starring Femi Adebayo | Mide  Abiodun - YouTube

    And then the child grows up to hate you, despite everything you did for them. Is this how you want your life to go?

    3. Sex makes you confused. You start wondering if it’s love you are feeling.

    And like this, they will take you for an idiot. You will begin to condone nonsense in the name of love. We don’t want that for you, so we all need to come together to beg the government to ban this act.

    4. Sex is too sweet.

    And we all know doctors and dentists don’t recommend things that are too sweet. So, it’s best to choose health over hot fok.

    5. Sex is messy and sweaty.

    Imagine bathing and smelling nice, only to be rough handled by someone and getting their saliva in your mouth and their sweat all over your body? Imagine getting your hair scattered, and your legs spread apart like a television’s antenna? God forbid abeg. We need to ban such a dirty act.

    6. Let’s be honest, sex is unproductive use of our time.

    Time you should be using to harvest yam and better your lives or advancing in your career, you are using it to bend over or get bent over while someone is grabbi— Oh no, this act deserves to be abolished.

    7. All the heat from hot fok is causing global warming.

    hot fork by HotAntenni on DeviantArt

    Global warming is a serious environmental crisis. Why must you choose to damage your environment because of hot fok? Do you not care about survival?

    8. Sex is the leading cause of cheating in Nigeria.

    Yes. Yes. Yes. The earlier we abolish sex, the longer relationships and marriages last.

    9. Our population is already plenty enough.

    Gosiame Thamara Sithole no born 10 babies, multiple pregnancy cause - BBC  News Pidgin

    We need a moratorium on sex until things normalise. We cannot afford to lapse into overpopulation.

    10. Sex makes people scream “Jesus” and “Oh my God”

    First of all, do you nasty sinners not fear anything? What if your noise encourages our creator to hasten His second coming?

    11. Buhari was angry that all we use Twitter for is sex, so he banned it.

    Abolish sex today so we can get Twitter back today.

    [donation]

  • Interview With The Remembrance Day Pigeons: “Tell Buhari We Have Just Started”

    Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.


    Take a second to think of an activist. Who came to your mind? FK Abudu? Falz? We can’t tell, but we are sure they were human. Well, non-human entities are just as capable of carrying out bold forms of activism, as we saw on Remembrance Day.

    In this interview, the head of the Remembrance Day Pigeons shares with us the reason they refused to fly when released by Buhari. It reveals how the animals have been fighting for Nigerians for a long time, and what’s next on their activism agenda.

    Zikoko: Can we just start by saying we salute your courage?

    Remembrance Day Pigeon: Why?

    It is not every day that the citizens of the animal kingdom step up to assist Nigerians in their struggle.

    We have been fighting for you guys since. We have never left you alone.

    Really?

    Oh yes. Have you forgotten when our brothers, the rats, chased Buhari out of Aso Rock?

    Wow. That was planned?!

    Even the snake that swallowed money came from us.

    The corrupt snake?

    The actual mission was to go and bite the Minister of Information, whose name we shall not mention.

    So what happened?

    It was corrupted by that very same minister. So you can imagine how bad this country is. Imagine a snake being corrupted. A snake that is the grandmaster of deception itself.

    That was when we decided, enough is enough. It’s time for operation national disgrace, and we knew Buhari would be the best target.

    Why Buhari?

    Why not Buhari? Buhari the travel blogger, Buhari the lifestyle TV personality, Buhari the agbada model. Why should he not be the recipient of our disgrace?

    Hmmm.

    We planned our move well. We knew they would need pigeons for the Remembrance Day, so we positioned ourselves for them to catch us. If it was someone else that released us and said, “Oya fly,” we might have listened.

    But it was Buhari. Can he even pronounce fly? He was there shouting, ‘Ply! Ply!‘ and we just looked at him like, “Who does this one think he is talking to?”

    Imo state governor too carried chest and tried to command us. A man that will chop disgrace will chop disgrace. Even if they offer him Jollof rice, he will ask for disgrace as appetizer. If we did not fly for Buhari, his oga, who is he to think we will listen to him?

    Ahan, you are bold oh.

    What will he do? Lock the border again? Restrict us from TraderMoni? Maybe he will ask Tolu to write a thread sha. We wanted to show Nigerians that if a man you call your president cannot make pigeons fly, then everything is wrong.

    So, where do we go from here?

    Tell Buhari that we have just started. We, the pigeons, are a jealous and angry lot, visiting the iniquity of the senate and Aso Rock upon the president from the first generation to the fourth generation.

    Ah.

    Tell him we are coming. If he flies to Ougadougou, he will find us there, ready to disgrace him and shit on his head if need be. Things have fallen apart in Nigeria, and the centre can no longer hold. Pigeon shit is loosened upon Aso Rock, and until they all confess, every head shall collect.


    Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.


  • 7 Things Buhari Said In His New Year Address

    Nigeria’s President, Muhammadu Buhari opened 2021 with a national address to Nigerians. We know you did not watch it, so here are seven things Buhari said in his address. 

    1. 2020 was a bad boy

    “The year 2020 was one of the most trying years since our existence as a Nation”.

    Buhari’s address opened with him acknowledging that 2020 was a difficult year for Nigeria. We agree; ignoring the death of peaceful #EndSARS protesters killed in public view must have been very difficult.

    2. Our enemies did not win

    “We have confounded the many pundits at home and around the world who never gave the newly-born country that emerged unto the world stage on 1st October 1960 a chance of surviving much longer than a few years.”

    Buhari’s address reflected on Nigeria’s 60th independence anniversary that happened last year, stating that our enemies said we would not survive but look at us today.

    3. Home or away, Nigerian youths are proper ballers

    “Our young people are our most valuable natural resource, at home and abroad. Their ingenuity, creativity, innovation and entrepreneurial spirit is evident to all. Many of our young people are excelling in various spheres of life including sports, entertainment, information and communication technology, commerce and are globally recognised as achievers.”

    Buhari admits here that the youths have brought their A-game, stop calling them lazy. Let us support them small, especially those Paystack boys.

    4. We will SEA what we can do

    “This administration would continue focusing on delivering key strategic priorities under our “SEA” – (Security, Economy and Anti-Corruption) Agenda.

    SEA is the version of Yar’Adua’s 7-point-agenda that did not finish from school.

    5. We have been trying since Jonah left, ha, you people should see nau

    “Nevertheless, I call upon all Nigerians to carefully recall the circumstances of our coming to office, the facts on the ground and the resources at our disposal since 2015 with the accomplishments of this administration”.

    Buhari said he has been trying since 2015 — e no just easy to be starboy. That Jonah boy did not do his work, so Buhari says he has to be the tough guy.

    6. COVID-19 vaccine fit come and e fit no come

    “…Keeping our country safe from a resurgent cycle of COVID-19 as this administration finalises its plans to procure and efficiently and effectively distribute the COVID-19 vaccines.”

    That COVID-19 vaccine is expensive small o, but I’ll see what I can do.

    7. I remain the starboy

    “As your elected President, my pledge to you is the same as it has always been; I will play my part fully and without fear or favour.  I invite all of us to do the same”

    Buhari has noted that he remains the baddest boy in the hood, and you should support his ambitions, even if you do not believe in him dreams.
  • Border Closure: These Are All The Seized Items

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    On August 20th, 2019, the Federal Government of Nigeria introduced “Operation Ex-Swift Response”. The goal of the operation was to reduce insecurity through a complete closure of Nigeria’s land borders.

    In the operation, the Nigerian Customs Service (NCS), the Nigerian Immigration Service (NIS), the Armed Forces of Nigeria (AFN) the Nigerian Police Force (NPF), and the Office of the National Security Adviser (ONSA), came together to tackle terrorism, armed banditry, smuggling, the proliferation of small arms and light weapons and other things.

    Over a year later, the Federal Government of Nigeria has now called off the operation and has consequently reopened four of Nigeria’s land borders – Seme, Illela, Maigatari and Mfun.

    Read: Border Crossings In Africa Ranked From Most To Least Stressful

    According to the Nigerian Customs Service, these are the illegal items that were seized during the course of the operation:

    1) 134,042 bags of parboiled foreign rice

    2) 9,600 bags of NPK fertilizer

    3) 1,791 vehicles

    4) 3,565,461.9 litres of petrol

    5) 5,007 drums filled with petrol

    6) 68,436.3 jerrycans of petrol

    7) 130 engine boats

    8) 847 motorcycles

    9) 17,212.6 jerrycans of vegetable oil

    10) 813 packs of Tramadol

    11) 274 bags of cannabis

    The Nigerian Customs Service also put the value of these items seized at ₦11,030,062,952.50 naira.

    Read: “Border Closure Is Only Enriching People: A Week In The Life Of A Smuggler”

    We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.


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  • 7 Buhari Campaign Videos That Will Vex You

    President Muhammadu Buhari rode to office on the major campaign promise that his administration will put a final end to the Boko Haram insurgency. However, on Sunday, November 9th 2020, many Nigerians woke up to the news that suspected Boko Haram insurgents had killed more than 43 rice farmers in Garin Kwashebe, a rice farming community in Borno State, Nigeria.

    If anything, Nigerians are tired and want to see a fulfilment of those campaign promises, even after the presidency and many other political leaders have issued a plethora of statements condemning the brazen murder.

    In this article, we curated 7 of President Buhari’s campaign promises about fighting Boko Haram and wonder why none of it has been fulfilled. Truly, men lie, politicians lie a lot, but men who are politicians are better liars than Lucifer.

    1. #CrushBH

    It’s the fist that became a thumb for me.

    2. “Allow Me Prove To You”

    “My lord, please may I? If I may, my lord”.

    3. “The Biggest Sponsor of Boko Haram Is The Federal Government Itself”

    https://twitter.com/Imran_Tela/status/1333349093184253952

    Hmm…

    4. “Shall We Continue In This Situation?”

    https://twitter.com/Kenny2kool2/status/1333237061730578432

    Nobody:

    Me: Dear Google, are we still continuing in that situation?

    5. “I Will Not Allow Problems To Irresponsibly Fester”

    Omo x 1 billion zillion

    6. “How Can We Allow The Cowards of Boko Haram To Take Over Any Part of This Country?”

    Hmmm…

    7. This Is The Real Video Vexing Me!

    …and who owns that baritone voice used in the voice over?! Draft him to Borno State, now!

    Read: The Soldier Fighting For Country At ₦250k/Month

    We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.


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  • “Uganda Makes Entrepreneurship Almost Impossible”- Abroad Life

    The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.



    Today’s subject on Abroad Life is a woman who schooled in Kampala, Uganda because she didn’t want to go somewhere mainstream like Canada or The UK. She talks about how similar Nigeria and Uganda are, how to have fun in Uganda and the things that make living in Uganda difficult. 

    So where were you before you returned to Nigeria?

    I was in Kampala, Uganda.

    What was happening there?

    I was there for school for three years. I came back this year. 

    Why did you choose to go to Uganda?

    I didn’t want to go to school in Nigeria because of how things are here. Nigerian schools are stressful. So I started searching for countries to school in. I wanted somewhere not so common like Canada, the UK and the US. I wanted somewhere unknown.

    Why did you want that?

    I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to go the same way as everyone. I believe there are different routes to the market, so the question is, why do I have to take the same one that everyone does?

    That’s interesting. So why did you choose Uganda?

    I got home one day and my mother told me, “You’re going to Kampala International University.” I was so confused. I had to do a lot of research because I did not know that there was a country named Uganda. But from my research, I found out that it was a nice place, and I’d be done with school in three years, so I thought I’d give it a try.  

    What was applying for school there like?

    They were looking for A-Levels results or WAEC results, so I just plugged in my WAEC result, got admitted and bounced. The visa application was fast and simple; it took about two weeks and the entire process cost about $100. That was in 2018 though. 

    Arriving in Uganda, what were your first impressions?

    The only thing that surprised me was the constant electricity. Apart from that, it’s like every other African country. This is how I’d describe it: it’s like a miniature version of Victoria Island, Lagos. I don’t think Uganda’s population is up to Lagos and Ibadan combined, and that’s with the high number of foreigners that live here.

    Are there a lot of Nigerians? 

    Yes. The thing they say about Nigerians being everywhere is very true. 

    If I find myself in Uganda now, how can I tell the difference between where I am and Nigeria?

    Their culture and style of living. Just like us, they were colonised by the British. But they retained some of the British culture, like driving on the right-hand side and drinking as much tea as they possibly can. 

    So they’re not traditional people?

    Not really, no. They have some annual traditional events though. In school, there’s usually a cultural gala where people come to showcase their culture and all that stuff. There’s this culture where they put clay on their faces. It’s an unexplainable vibe. But in everyday dressing, it’s corporate culture. But it’s nice to note that in all of this, English is not the main language spoken. There’s Luganda and Swahili.  

    Do you understand Luganda and Swahili?

    Nope.

    So how do you survive?

    It’s easy when you have a lot of international students that you blend with. Everyone in these communities around universities speaks English, and there are many universities.

    Is it more expensive living there than living in Nigeria?

    Ugandan shillings is devalued, so for some people here, it might be expensive. Take rent for instance. Nigerians pay rent annually, but they pay monthly. You can have a place at 500,000 Ugandan shillings per month, and that’s like ₦50,000 naira. To them it’s expensive, but I can pay it comfortably. 

    Did you have a job there?

    No, I don’t have a job. At least not yet. Without knowing anyone in the country. you cannot really get a job. 

    Wow. What about a side hustle?

    You can’t do that at all.

    Why?

    Except you want to be a musician or a model, it’s hard to do anything else. You have to register anything you do with the right authorities, no matter how small it is. You can’t just start a business because you have a passion for it. The best thing you can do, let’s say you know how to make hair, is to offer your services to only people you know and keep it on the low.

    What happens if the authorities find out?

    Their own version of  EFCC would swoop in and investigate you, and you could get jailed in the process.

    Wow. What is a Nigerian reality that affected your Ugandan life? 

    I don’t think there’s anything. They just tend to ask Nigerians a lot of questions. They ask about our musicians and stuff like that. 

    What’s your craziest experience in all your time there?

    Ugandans are known for their nightlife. It’s much more intense there than in Lagos. They love their booze and their weed and their shisha. One night when I went out, I missed my hostel curfew, and there was no way for me to get in. I had to jump in through the fence. It was crazy. 

    I got bored with that life quickly though. It became repetitive. I would go out late at night, get home late, go to class late and sit in the back, wearing dark shades. Many times I missed classes too, but at some point, I just got tired of the whole thing.  

    So what else did you try to explore?

    Uganda is also known for its lakes and tourist attractions. I went on an adventure to Lake Victoria, where the River Nile starts from, and some other natural reserves. It was really nice. 

    Are you done with school?

    No, I’m going back next year. I’m only back in Nigeria because of Coronavirus. The school was closed, and my parents just kept paying rent. I came home because I wanted to take that strain off them. When the pandemic clears, I’ll go back. 

    Do you see yourself living there when you’re done with school?

    No. It’s a fun place, but I’m not the kind of person to stay in a place for a very long time. I’m a wanderer, and I need to move. 

    What other countries have you stayed in?

    I won’t say I’ve stayed in a lot of places, but I’ve been through many states in Nigeria. I’ve also been to the UK, stayed in Dubai for a while and been through Rwanda.

    What states in Nigeria have you been through?

    Rivers, Oyo, Lagos, Osun and some others. 

    What’s one thing you love about living in Uganda?

    The constant electricity.

    What’s one thing you hate?

    Some Ugandans are very rude, and that puts me off. Their president is a dictator. He’s been here for 40 years plus and has refused to step down. Things are normal, but a lot of the time, he has the final say. Foreigners like him because he lets them in easily, but you don’t want to get on his bad side. He came into power through a coup d’état and no one has had the courage to overthrow him.

    So are you saying Nigerians are enjoying the type of president we have?

    Yes. Exactly. 


    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.

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  • Nigeria’s New Agenda 2050 Shows That Agenda Must Agend

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    On Wednesday, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari inaugurated the steering committee to oversee Nigeria’s new Agenda 2050 and the Medium-Term National Development Plan (MTNDP).

    But where have we heard this before?

    The Guardian says that this new agenda is borne out of the fact that Nigeria cannot meet its objectives of becoming one of the 20 most developed economies in the world, as stated in the Vision 20:2020.

    But of course we couldn’t. How could we, when the plans were not strictly followed?

    This new agenda plans to lift 100 million Nigerians out of poverty within the next ten years, considering that the UN estimates that Nigeria will be the 3rd most populous country by 2050, with a population of over 400 million people.

    The president also noted that it had become important to create new plans to the Economic Recovery and Growth Plan, and the Vision 20:2020, all of which lapse this December.

    But here’s the thing. Nigeria has still failed to achieve any of the goals set out in its development plans, so what’s the point in proposing another?

    The Economic Recovery and Growth Plan stated that Nigeria would have a 7% Gross Domestic Product (GDP) growth by 2020, but the country is clearly headed for an economic reduction in 2020 — as we outlined here.

    The Vision 20:2020 also outlined that Nigeria will be one of the 20 most industrialised countries by 2020, but as at today we’re very far off that line.

    Rather than implement new agendas, all we simply want (if I can speak for Nigerians) is that the government shows real, actual commitment towards implementing programs. Talk is cheap. We need the political will to do the work.

    So, again, we ask. How will we actually lift 100 million people out of poverty 2050?

    *Radio Silence*

    Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.

  • There’s always Rice at home, but is there always stew? No. We profile 4 things you can do with white rice when you don’t have stew or whatever you eat your rice with.

    1. Throw It Away

    Look, just throw it away man. It’s not useful.

    2. Add Rat Poison and Feed It To Rats

    Mix it with poison and feed it to rats. That’s not animal cruelty, is it?

    3. Use It To Break Your ‘White’ Fast

    If you attend Celestial Church, this works even better. Life na sense.

    4. Eat It Like That And Blame Buhari/Osinbajo

    If people don’t brush their teeth in the morning nowadays, they blame Buhari and Osinbajo. You sef eat your white rice in peace and blame the APC government. Nothing spoil.

  • Covid-19 Nigeria Update: Buhari Extends Lockdown By 14 Days

    What is a “Covid-19 Nigeria update“? We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the Covid-19, both in Nigeria and Africa.


    Before we get into the Covid-19 Nigeria update for the day, here’s a rundown of all the important things President Buhari said in his address to Nigerians yesterday, April 13, 2020.

    You’ll recall that on March 29, about 14 days ago, President Buhari ordered a lockdown in Lagos, Ogun and the FCT. Well, the president addressed the country again and announced the extension of the lockdown in Lagos state, Ogun state and FCT by two more weeks. Other than that, here are the other things he said:

    • We need to make sacrifices to limit the spread of Covid-19
    • The level of compliance to the Covid-19 guidelines have been good across Nigeria.
    • In the first 14 days of the lockdown, the nation was able to implement comprehensive public health measures and intensified testing, identification and so much more.
    • Testing capacity is at 1,500 tests per day.
    • 7000 healthcare workers have been trained in infection prevention and control.
    • 1000 patients can be admitted in several treatment centers in Lagos and Abuja.
    • Now that land and airport borders have been closed, the number of rising cases are mostly person-to-person contact.
    • He has signed the Quarantine order.
    • The government has put on palliative measures such as food distribution and cash transfers.
    • Covid-19 is not a joke.

    You can find more details on his speech here:

    Now for the numbers:

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update from the past 24 hours:

    The numbers in Nigeria have been on a steady increase. As of March 17, 2020 – almost a month ago – there were only three cases but as of today, April 14, 2020, there are 343 confirmed cases. Thankfully, 91 people have been discharged. Unfortunately, there have been 10 deaths. In the last 24 hours, the NCDC reports that there are 20 new cases:

    • 13 in Lagos
    • 2 in Edo
    • 2 in Kano
    • 2 in Ogun
    • 1 in Ondo

    See their full report here.

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update

    NCDC also provided Covid-19 Nigeria update on the states where Covid-19 is present. Currently, it is present in 20 out of 36 states. Here’s a rundown of the numbers:

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update

    On a bigger African scale, how are we doing?

    According to new reports yesterday, April 13, 2020, Melinda Gates, wife of billionaire Bill Gates said that if the world does not act fast enough, then there will be dead bodies all over the streets of Africa. While she might have said this in good fate, it easily doesn’t come off as a statement made out of concern. Especially since the data confirms that Africa is fairing better than a few other continents.

    According to Coronafacts.africa, there are 15,413 cases in Africa. See below:

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update

    African leaders are doing their best to enforce social distancing, lockdowns and isolation in their countries.

    Today’s dilemma or palava (or whatever you choose to call it):

    Unrest in Lagos and Ogun state have increased in the past few days with armed robbers going from community to community, robbing houses, killing and raping people. If there’s any correlation to the lockdown, we can’t exactly pinpoint yet. However, it is happening and Nigerians are afraid that in addition to the fear of getting Covid-19, there’s the fear of being robbed. We do hope that the government addresses it and implements security measures to put it in control ASAP.

    Drinking Pepper Soup With Lime Or Lemon Will Flush Out The Virus: Myth or Fact?

    Definitely Myth. If you have a Nigerian parent, uncle or aunty, you may have come across this or a similar “cure” . While Pepper has anti-oxidants and lemon and lime contain high amounts of Vitamin – and all three are generally good for the body – there is NO EVIDENCE to support that they will flush out the virus in someone that has been infected.

    Today’s Pro tip:

    In the words of a wise man, “This is no joke”. Do not peddle wrong information and stay at home. It’s only for a short time. We will beat this.

    Stay updated:

    Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

    Meanwhile…

    Read how a Nigerian couple is coping with the lockdown after postponing their wedding due to Covid-19 and how one Nigerian nurse in the frontlines is brave enough to wake up every day, go to work and help fight this Covid-19.


    Remember, when you come back tomorrow by 12 pm, we’ll have a new Covid-19 Nigeria update with fresh insights and good news for you.