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budget | Zikoko!
  • What Politicians Are Spending Money On Instead of Fighting Poverty

    One game the Nigerian government loves playing is the blame game. And we’ve seen that play out many times with the current Buhari administration, from blaming the state of our country on so-called lazy youths to blaming the weather for fuel scarcity. It’s 2022, and fingers are still being pointed. 

    Early in December 2022, the Minister of State for Budget and National Planning, Clement Agba, blamed the state governments for the level of poverty in the country. Barely 24 hours later, President Muhammadu Buhari voiced the same accusation, saying the state governors were looting local government funds. 

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    The Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, disclosed that the Buhari administration has supported states with over ₦5 trillion since 2015, but millions of Nigerians are still extremely poor.

    We’re approaching the final six months of the Buhari administration with another administration  on the way, but the problems plaguing us as a nation have barely changed. 

    If the government’s allegations are true, how and on what projects were these funds spent? Well, we have a few guesses.

    Exotic rides

    Nigerian politicians know how to live soft lives on our national cake. Nobody does it better than them. We’ve also seen that they can be very cheerful givers. In April, the governor of Zamfara State, Bello Matawalle, distributed 260 brand new Cadillac 2019 model cars to traditional rulers to thank them for sustaining peace. This was a week after he distributed 15 brand new Hilux cars to leaders of “repentant” bandit groups.

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    You’d think a governor whose state has one of the highest population of out-of-school children would focus scarce resources on addressing that rather than rewarding criminals. But no, this is Nigeria, and logic doesn’t live here.

    Exploring overseas

    Our politicians were probably explorers and adventurers in their previous lives because they enjoy being anywhere but home. And if we look more closely, they started the japa trend because they mostly have their families abroad, and their children hardly ever have to pass through the ASUU strike rite of passage. Even our First Lady, Aisha Buhari, decided the country was too stressful and spent six months in Dubai and can you blame her?

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    Medical tourism

    In July 2022, the vice-president, Yemi Osinbajo, received praise for undergoing surgery in Nigeria, and that showed how low the bar is for our politicians. Millions are spent by government officials seeking foreign healthcare. And unfortunately, the ambassador of this sad trend is our president himself, who, despite his promise to end medical tourism, has spent a total of 237 days abroad for health reasons. 

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors

    Even 2023 presidential candidates aren’t ready to commit fully to staying in Nigeria for their medical care if they win next year’s election.

    Election campaigns

    As we already know, elections in Nigeria are expensive. The 2023 presidential nomination form for one of the political parties cost ₦100 million. This is one of the reasons why politics today is ruled by godfatherism. This system ensures successful candidates use state resources to repay favours owed once they get into office. 

    Politicians Buhari Poverty Nigerians Governors
    Getting into office as a Nigerian politician is an opportunity to ball with your guys

    While Nigerian politicians keep pointing at non-existent excuses for their failures, Nigerians are suffering from neglect. Hopefully, the next administration we elect in 2023 will spend Nigeria’s money on Nigerians..

  • #MoneyByZikoko: This Influencer is Aiming For ₦2m/month
    Also: What stops nonsense? Money.

    Vol 3 | 07-11-2022

    Brought to you by

    Good morning, {$name} 🌞

    I like the way today’s Naira Life subject talks about his goals. He’s trying to get to a place where ₦20m is nothing to him.

    So following his lead, today’s #HowMuchLast will be an expensive item, and I cannot wait to see how much you’d pay for it.

    We have a fun edition today.

    In this letter:

    • Last Month in Money
    • The Grass to Grace #NairaLife of a Social Media Influencer
    • Money Meanings: What is a “Budget”?
    • Game: #HowMuchLast
    • Where The Money At?!

    Last Month
    In Money


    ₦20,510,000,000,000
    Yes, that’s what 20 trillion naira looks like written out, and it’s Nigeria’s budget for 2023 as presented by our presido. Why are there so many zeroes and why is it called “Budget of Fiscal Consolidation and Transition”? We tried to look into it.

    ₦1000
    That is now the naira equivalent of one pound sterling.
    Technically, this didn’t happen last month, but it’s urgent enough for us to bend the rules.

    Wetin dey stop nonsense?
    In the song “Stop Nonsense” Majeeed asks “Wetin dey stop nonsense?” and as we all know, the answer to that question is quite simple… Money.


    You can listen on Spotify.

    Ordinary is Boring

    Let’s face it. Ordinary is boring, but you can go for the extraordinary with a juicy pension plan that rewards your hustle today so you can retire early and still ball hard. Start by moving your pension to Stanbic IBTC Pension Managers today.

    Visit Stanbic IBTC Pension

    #NairaLife: This Social Media Influencer Will Not Rest Until ₦20m is Nothing To Him

    The 25-year-old in today’s Naira Life got his first job at 16 because he wanted to help his mother out. It only paid him ₦3k for three days of work.

    His father was absent and growing up wasn’t easy, but today he’s a millionaire, and for him, he hasn’t arrived until 20 million naira is chicken change to him.

    Read the rest of his Naira Life

    Some other great money articles you should read:

    At Luno, we believe cryptocurrency is for everyone. Tap into all the many possibilities.

    Visit Luno

    Money Meanings

    Game: #HowMuchLast

    #HowMuchLast is a game where we show you an item and you tell us (and the world) the highest amount you’d pay for it.

    Some weeks will be Okin biscuit, some others will be SUVs.

    This week, we’re going big. We know a Tesla goes for $40k to $160k but we want to know the most you’d pay.

    So tell us, #HowMuchLast for a Tesla.

    What’s the most you’d pay for a Tesla? Tweet at us here.

    Where The Money At?!

    We can’t say we’re about the money and not actually help you find the money.

    So we’ve compiled a list of job opportunities for you. Make sure you share this with anyone who might need it because in this community, we look out for each other.

    Again, don’t mention. We gatchu.

    Share this newsletter

    All good things must come to an end. But not this good thing. We’ll be back next week.

    In the
    meantime, keep reading Zikoko’s articles and be sure to share the love.

    Till next week…

    Yours cashly,

    Dwin,

    The Other Mr Money

    Did someone awesome send this to you?

    Subscribe to this Newsletter

    18, Nnobi Street, Surulere, Lagos,
    Nigeria

  • We Rated Ben Ayade’s Weirdass Budget Names

    Nigerian politicians are one of two things: comic book villains who do nothing for their people or natural-born comedians who are bad at politics but have rich entertainment value. It’s rare to be both, but Governor Ben Ayade of Cross River State is one of those special characters.

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    He’s either five minutes away from crying or breaking into a dance

    Since he became governor in 2015, Ayade’s most defining legacy is turning budget presentations into spectacles because of how ridiculously he names them every year. Following the recent presentation of his last budget as governor, it’s only fitting to rate how we feel about all eight of the names he gave his budgets.

    Budget of Deep Vision — 4/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    Ayade presented his first budget in 2016 and you could tell he wasn’t yet sure whether to show everyone his weird ways. So, he played it safe and ended up with a name even an amateur motivational speaker would give some colour.

    Budget of Infinite Transposition — 6/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    By 2017, Ayade had developed the confidence to be more experimental. So he transposed into an infinite lovable circus clown who gave the budgets more aesthetics than substance. Things only got weirder from then on.

    Budget of Kinetic Crystallisation — 8/10

    Before he fell for the temptation of politics, Ayade was already a professor of science, and this 2018 budget name feels like he forgot for a minute he’s no longer inside the lecture theatre. The people of Cross River asked for a budget to make their lives better and he gave them a science buzzword.

    Budget of Qabalistic Densification — 9/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    This 2019 budget sounds like the theme for a party of ritualists on a full moon night when Mercury is in Obalende. It’s also not a coincidence this was the year COVID rose from the pits of hell and started showing the world shege. Governor Ayade, what did you do!

    Budget of Olimpotic Meristemasis — 11/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    It’s difficult to explain but this 2020 budget name is Ayade’s magnum opus in the same way the Mona Lisa is the toast of the art world. There’s something about the melody of “Olimpotic Meristemasis” that oozes the eliteness of pounded yam mixed with the audacity of egusi soup. 

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    Ayade’s rent was due when he made this poetic beauty and this is why he’ll be remembered as one of the greatest to walk the hall of Nigerian politics. Sike.

    ALSO READ: Just Imagine if Your Favorite Nigerian Politicians Were Musicians

    Budget of Blush and Bliss — 6/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    If you ever wanted to create a make-up brand and are struggling with a business name, Ayade helped out with this 2021 budget name. But it’s a lame follow-up to “Olimpotic Meristemasis”. It sounds like something he heard teenagers say during a school visit to the Government House. The only saving grace here is the alliteration, else this would have been a 4/10. We expect better, Mr Governor.

    Budget of Conjugated Agglutination — 9/10

    There’s something deliberately wicked about this budget name that it feels like a Harry Potter spell. “Conjugated agglutination” sounds like a curse you scream at the driver who cut you off in traffic, your internet service provider, or your boss who set up a one-hour meeting for what could have been an email.

    Budget of Quantum Infinitum — 7/10

    Let’s just say we expected more from Ayade’s final budget. “Quantum Infinitum” sounds like something a cartoon character would scream right before they fart, because the writers have no respect for the little children watching. 

    Ayade could have raided Patrick Obahiagbon’s word bank and given us tastier names like, “Budget of Veritable Bugaboo,” “Budget of Ossifying Proclivities,” “Budget of Veritable Verification of the Verity,” “Budget of Metagrabolised Melancholia,” “Budget of Modus Vivendi,” or “Budget of Hierophantic Candour”. 

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    Hopefully, the next Cross River State governor is taking notes?

    No one really knows Ayade’s motivation for these budget names, but they were provocative and entertaining and offered hope in a gloomy world. Thank you for your service, Sir Ayade.

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    ALSO READ: MKO Abiola’s 1993 Campaign Video Is Still Valid in 2022

  • QUIZ: Can You Stay on Budget for a ₦1.5 Million Wedding?

    Congrats, you just got engaged! You’ve got the date, the ring, the partner and a ₦1.5 million budget. Do you think you can stick to it?

  • Nigeria’s 2022 Budget Is Debt and Vibes

    Running a country, like most things in life, requires a budget. On Thursday, October 7, 2021, the country got a presentation from Buhari on what it would cost to keep Nigeria ‘working’ in 2022. 

    The presentation was tagged a “Budget of Economic Growth and Sustainability.” According to the president, this budget is meant to diversify Nigeria’s economy, develop infrastructure, improve security and do so many other great things you’ve probably heard before.

    But something you’ve definitely not heard is the content of this particular budget. In 2022, Nigeria plans to spend ₦16.3 trillion naira, even though it plans to make only ₦10.1 trillion. 

    To achieve this already suspect plan, the government will have to borrow about ₦5 trillion. Nigeria currently has a public debt of over ₦33.1 trillion. 

    There are so many other things in the 2022 budget, but all we’re thinking of now is how much each of us will have to pay when our debtors come to collect.

    Budget breakdown

    A budget usually contains how much you make and how much you plan to spend. In Nigeria’s budget, our earnings are classified as “revenue” while our spendings is called”expenditure”. The difference between how much we make and how much we earn is the “budget deficit”.

    This is what Nigeria’s 2022 budget looks like:

    Revenue – 

    In 2022, Nigeria plans to make ₦10.1 trillion. 

    The federal government wants to make ₦5.3 trillion from oil sales and value added tax, while government enterprises like the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) are supposed to make ₦1.7 trillion. 

    The government wants to make ₦1.8 trillion from other taxes. Dividends from the Bank of Industry (BOI) should come from ₦195 billion and ₦300 billion should come from special funds. 

    The government also wants to earn ₦63 billion from foreign aid and ₦710 billion will come from other sources.

    Expenditure –

    In 2022, Nigeria wants to spend ₦16.3 trillion. ₦6.8 trillion will be to pay for expenses like salaries while ₦4.8 trillion will be to build roads and other infrastructure. Nigeria will use ₦3.9 trillion to pay back debts while ₦768.2 billion will be used to pay for some very important things like pensions.

    Deficit – 

    Nigeria needs ₦6.2 trillion to complete its budget. The government will borrow ₦5 trillion. ₦1.1 trillion will come from loans tied to projects and ₦90 billion will come from the sale of some assets.

    Remember, this is a budget, and it is only a plan. Nigeria may not make or spend up to the amount in this budget. But anything you see, just try to take it like that. 

  • Best Female Perfumes Under 30k In Nigeria

    We’ve all been there before. You want to smell like a rich aunty, but you don’t have ₦150k to use to buy perfume. What to do? Fortunately, there are some women’s perfumes under 30k that will lowkey having you smell irresistible without costing you too much money. We had the help of Andy Adejoh, who runs Fragrasm which helps you find the best perfume options, in putting this useful list together.

    Opulent Musk by Lattafa

    You want to smell like Baccarat Rouge but you can’t afford to spend your entire salary on one perfume? Then Opulent Musk by Lattafa is your best bet. It’s dizzyingly similar to Barracat, for only ₦15k.

    Amazon.com : Women's perfume Opulent Musk By Lattafa, 100 ml : Beauty &  Personal Care

    Afnan Modest Deux Pour Femme

    Omo, there’s nothing modest about this fragrance, honestly. It’s sweet and makes you smell edible, with an inviting fragrance. It’ll set you back only about ₦27k.

    MODEST DEUX – Afnan Perfumes

    Afnan 9pm

    Although tagged as a male perfume, this fragrance gives a feminine aura. It’s the kind of gift you buy for your boyfriend but decide to keep it for yourself because of its sweet grapefruit tone, only costing you about ₦24k.

    Amazon.com : AFNAN 9 PM by Afnan Perfumes, EAU DE PARFUM SPRAY 3.4 OZ :  Health & Household

    Zara Rose Gourmand 

    If you’re a girl who likes a mixture of rose and vanilla, this perfume will only cost you about ₦25k.

    Rose Gourmand Cologne for Men by Zara 2020 | PerfumeMaster.com

    Vanille Bouquet by Fragrance World

    This sweet and attractive perfume is one of Andy’s favourite women’s perfumes under 20k, he tells us. It’s a soft vanilla perfume for only ₦15k.

    Fragrance World Vanille Bouquet Perfume 100ml - So Nice price from jumia in  Nigeria - Yaoota!

    Hot Zone by Fragrance World

    You want to smell like Armani Si but you don’t want to use your entire salary to buy perfume? Hot Zone is a clone of Si, for only ₦19k. Don’t say Zikoko hasn’t done anything to help you.

    Hot Zone Perfume in Accra Metropolitan - Fragrance, Micheal Danquah |  Jiji.com.gh

    Oud Vanille by Franck Olivier 

    Another fragrance marketed as a men’s perfume (why do men get all the nice things?), Oud Vanille is a solid perfume mix of oud and vanilla in a bottle for 20k.

    Aquolina Pink Sugar

    As the name implies, it’s sweet and extremely strong so go gentle on the trigger. Andy has this listed for about ₦15k.

    Pink Sugar Perfume by Aquolina | FragranceX.com
  • 7 Gifts Under N5,000 That’ll Make Your Valentine’s Celebration Look Priceless

    Why isn’t Valentine’s day a public holiday? It makes you wonder why Capitalists want to take our hard-earned funds without giving us time off from the grind.

    Well, jokes on them because I don’t even have money like that. I was wondering, can you celebrate Valentine’s day without spending a lot of cash?

    Well, the answer is yes. At least, I believe you can. It just depends on how you look at things. So, I came up with ways to ensure you celebrate on a budget yet still give your partner an unforgettable experience.

    Let’s start:

    1) Create a playlist for them:

    Am I the only one that associates music with certain periods of my life? When I listen to some songs, I am transported back in time to specific moments in my life. What better way to imprint yourself on your partner by curating and sharing a playlist that tells them exactly how you feel about them? The best part is that it is relatively affordable.

    Valentine's day tape Zikoko

    2) Home-cooked meals:

    “There’s rice at home” – Nigerian proverb.

    The aim is to show love and you can have a cook in session together. Nothing screams romance like trying and failing at new exotic recipes together and then finally settling on eating indomie with egg. In addition, you can add a bottle of wine to step it down.

    Indomie with egg Zikoko Valentine's

    3) Bond in Lagos traffic:

    Since conflicting schedules make it difficult to have heart to heart sessions, I recommend that you guys go home together on Valentine’s day. Use the terrible holdup to have that much-needed conversation and also make plans moving forward. It costs you nothing.

    Lagos traffic Valentine's ZiKoko

    4) Hand-made gifts:

    Nothing screams “I love you” like hand made anything. From cards to sewing clothes to even baking. Any gift that shows that you put in labour can melt even the coldest person.

    5) E-books:

    If the person loves to read, try to ask for a list of titles they have wanted to read for a long time. Should you choose to accept this mission, there are two ways to go about it:

    Use sites like Okada books and Goodreads to buy the books at affordable rates and send to them.

    *Looks left and right* use the backdoor like…

    Ebooks Zikoko Valentine's day

    6) Games night:

    If both of you agree to a quiet evening, then you could play cards, Karaoke, drinking games, PlayStation. Nothing too fancy or over the top. Anything that encourages bonding is good to go.

    couple playing game Valentine's day Zikoko

    7) Quality time:

    The main aim of this holiday is to spread love and many times this just means being there for the person. It could be simple as showing up for them at a work presentation, a hospital visit, a bad mental health day or just staying up at night over the phone to assure them that things will work out.

    Giving someone the gift of time is invaluable and hardly any gift can top it because we all need love.

    Couple spending time Valentine's Zikoko
  • How To Smell Like The CEO Of A Startup…On A Budget
    Cohann images perfumes Zikoko

    Can you smell nice on a budget? No, really?

    People treat perfumes and scents like some secret society and on a members-only basis. People who smell nice don’t like to reveal the price or name of their fragrances. This is because they want the monopoly of best smelling or they don’t want to share the budget. With this limitation in mind, we discussed with a perfume expert and we present to you some of the most affordable ways to smell nice without hurting your purse. It’s time to give your employer/immediate surrounding a run for their money.

    Ladies and Gentlemen, shall we?

    NB: Affordable is relative but we picked the price point of between N7,500 – N23,500. This is because many times, the fragrances that pack a punch start from this range.

    1) Opulent Musk and Oud – N7,500 each.

    Expert: The musk smells like middle eastern royalty, it is rich and warm while the oud is a more masculine version. It is also stronger. They both last 6-8 hours on skin and their projection is 7.5/10. You can choose to either wear it alone or layer them with each other depending on you.

    What I heard: This is the perfume you get when you start your first job. To show your parents that you have arrived and they can’t be expecting you to wash their car again. Levels don change pls.

    Cohann budget perfumes

    2) Abraaj Oud and Abraaj Valour – N10,500 each.

    Expert: The valour is a clone of the Amouage Interlude and it is a budget version for people who can’t afford to buy the highly-priced Amouage Interlude. These perfumes are spicy, woody, fresh with the longevity of 7-9 hours on the skin. The projection is 8.5/10 and it is also long-lasting on clothes so you can never be caught unfresh.

    What I heard: Once you start wearing this cologne, your people at home start to serve you extra pieces of beef with food. Your parents seek your opinion in family discussions and they start to respect boundaries.

    Cohann budget Zikoko

    3) Monte Cameron collection – N14,500 each.

    Expert: They smell rich because they are clones of Maison Francis Kurkdjian. The Dark rose, for instance, smells like really dark and woody oud, you get middle eastern vibes when you perceive it. The Gold oud is also an Interlude clone so you understand that you are getting the top smelling scents at an affordable price. it lasts 7-8 hours on skin and projection is 7.5-8/10.

    What I heard: You can’t be smelling like this and living with your parents. Once you start using this, you should start to budget for house rent and If you don’t willingly move out, your parents will chase you out. This is because the perfumes smell rich-rich.

    Cameron collection Zikoko perfumes budget

    4) Cassius Oud – N14,500.

    Expert: It’s a clone of the Gucci Oud intense and has that smokey yet mysterious oud smell. If you want to make a mark then you should consider this. It lasts as long as 7-8 hours on the skin so the performance is not an issue. Also, if you want to layer and show yourself, combine it with the Abraaj valour and that is the end. Game over.

    What I heard: If you are going for a job interview and you want to ask for a lot of money, you should wear this. After all, smell the way you want your bank account to be addressed.

    Cassius Zikoko budget

    5) Club de Nuit Intense – N16,500.

    Expert: One of the best clones of Creed Aventus. It is woody, floral, and it gives a solid 8 hours on the skin. The projection is more than decent and it’s a compliment getter all round. If you mix it with the Abraaj oud, party scatter ohh.

    What I heard: Don’t jump bus smelling like this because the conductor might just ask you to pay for everyone.

    Club De Nuit intense ZIkoko budget

    6) Bvlgari Man In Black – N23,500.

    Expert: Leather, rum, honey = aphrodisiac. It has 8 hours of skin performance, beast projection of 8.5/10 and is a head-turner. According to undisclosed sources, this perfume will “have people wanting to chow you rapidly.”

    What I heard: H.R!!

    Bvlgari man in black budget Zikoko

    Did we miss any? What are some of your favourites? let us know. Shout out to ‘Daddy Code for walking us through the process and providing photos.

    For more info on how to select, mix, play around you should reach out to him. Oh, and the best part is that you just have to state your budget and ye shall be given. There is something for everyone and you can still smell nice.

  • How To Be Romantic During A Recession

    1. Be generous with verbal affection, you kuku can’t afford anything else.

    Every small thing “I love you”.

    2. What a restaurant can do, a buka can do better.

    See Agege bread and stew!

    3. Only fall in love with someone that lives near you, money for transport cannot be too much.

    Local love is better.

    4. No need for ice cream, stick to frozen kunu.

    It’s better.

    5. No need to eat out actually, you and your partner should just be fasting.

    Jesus did it, you will not die don’t worry.

    6. Cuddle in the danfo so you only pay for one seat.

    It’s not lapping it’s cuddling.

    7. No need to call unless it’s free midnight phonecall.

    The love talk is even sweeter at night.

    8. No need to go to the cinema, just allow Alaba boys hook you up.

    Even if the film is not clear you will get the gist of the story!

    9. Barb his hair for him, and plait her hair for her!

    Even if it’s ugly you people are making memories and saving money.

    10. Don’t acknowledge any birthday or anniversary

    “Every day is a special day with you”
  • POLL: Who Do You Think Stole Nigeria’s 2016 Budget?
    So, to usher in a new year and kick things off, the documents which contains Nigeria’s 2016 budget went missing on the 12th of January. Submitted by the office of the Presidency in December to the National Assembly, the documents—which spell out about US$ 31 billion in spending disappeared into thin air.

    This meant that the Nigerian Senate could not go ahead with the debate as planned. Nigerians and non-Nigerians alike had choice words to say about the situation.

    https://twitter.com/fistvoices/status/687015444151156736
    https://twitter.com/IsimaOdeh/status/686993230337077248

    So we want to know, who could have done this?

    [zkk_poll post=16104 poll=content_block_standard_format_9]