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break | Zikoko!
  • QUIZ: What Should You Do This Easter Break?

    QUIZ: What Should You Do This Easter Break?

    Thinking of what to do for these two days? We’ve got you covered.


  • Every Single Thing You Feel When Your Phone Falls Down

    Every Single Thing You Feel When Your Phone Falls Down

    You refused to get a phone case because how will people now know how much you spent if your phone has cover cloth?

    So, since your pride fought with your common sense (and won).

    …and they taught us that pride cometh before THE FALL, you just know it was inevitable.

    That moment your phone fell from your hand for the first time and the whole world entered slow motion.

    It didn’t fall when there was carpet oh, it waited till it saw concrete to show itself.

    Now you’re just looking at your phone face down on the floor and trying to remember if you prayed in the morning.

    First, your account balance flashes before your eyes.

    Then your brain starts calculating exchange rate.

    After saying a small prayer, you finally gather the courage and pick it up and you see a scratch.

    The scratch is small, but because you are a member of RichGang, you cannot be carrying scratched phone up an down.

    You sha somehow cough up the money to fix it.

    Your phone is now looking good as new, so covering it with phone case is not even an option.

    But because these phones are wicked and can never just fall once, it sha falls again.

    This one is not just a scratch, your phone has now turned into a mosaic.

    Your account balance is not even having it this time.

    You try to put it off and on. Maybe somehow the screen will ‘un-crack’ itself as it reboots.

    You leave it overnight and put it under your pillow, hoping God will come down and give you a testimony.

    You sha finally accept it. You cannot come and go and kill yourself.

    Everytime people ask what happened to your phone, your eyes just water.

    They now start giving you ‘advice’ as if you have one time machine sitting in your garage…

    “Why didn’t you buy a screen protector?”

    “Why are you even buying expensive phone like that?”

    “Why didn’t you get insurance?”

    “Why didn’t you hold it well?”

    Then those annoying people that see your phone and tell you how they could never manage a cracked screen.

    But you can’t even be mad because that was how you used to do before.

    You swear you will still fix your phone sha, but you are just waiting for dollar to come down.

  • 12 Truths For Every Nigerian Going Back To Work After The Break

    12 Truths For Every Nigerian Going Back To Work After The Break

    1. When you have to wake up 2 hours earlier than you did during the holidays.

    This is not decent.

    2. When you regret every single decision that ever led you to being an adult who has to do things.

    Like resuming after the holidays.

    3. When you enter that morning traffic and you start wishing you could bend time.

    This again!

    4. When someone at work asks how the holiday was and you just get depressed.

    Please!

    5. When you open your work mail and there are like 50 unread mails already.

    Don’t you people rest?!

    6. When the morning meetings remind you of morning devotions with your family.

    I just want to go home!

    7. At lunchtime you think of all the food you ate over the holidays, while you force yourself to enjoy the salad you made as part of your clean-eating New Year’s resolution.

    Gargabe food.

    8. 1pm…2pm…nothing productive.

    And time is so slow.

    9. But you can’t leave work like that so you spend the rest of the day ‘contributing’ to discussions on social media.

    Feminism…pounded yam…social constructs.

    10. When your journey home seems way longer than usual.

    Did they add miles?

    11. When you get into bed you plan to have an early night so you don’t feel like this tomorrow.

    I can’t live like this.

    12. But then you remember there’s Netflix in Nigeria now.

    Turn up!