Boarders | Zikoko!

Where two or three people who went to a boarding school are gathered, there is trauma in their midst. It wasn’t all bad though and even the worst times have made for good memories you can’t help but laugh about now.

1. S.A.P

This means a shortage of all provisions. This period prepares you for life as a broke adult, you’d find yourself drinking garri 24-7 or eating cereal and sugared water, hold the milk.

2. Last Junior

Friendships were ruined over this, your best friend would trip you just so they weren’t last. If you were ever the last junior, I’m sorry, I hope you’re in therapy now.

3. Lights out

While the general mood was gloom with a hint of gossip, it was always when they switched off the light that someone would remember stories of lady koi-koi and friends.

4. Journey of no return

This is a rite of passage prank seniors played on new juniors. The first step is to make up a book with a fake name and ask a junior to collect it from another senior, who would send them to another senior. If someone wasn’t kind enough to stop you, you’d somehow end up washing a ton of dirty cups and plates.

You to yourself then

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5. Bells

They woke you up, told you when to eat and when to stop, told you what class period it was and even when to go to bed. Imagine living through this headache for 6 years, only to go home and find out that your neighbours favourite past time is to ring bells while kabashing early in the morning.

6. Red night/ Social night

This is usually meant to be a fun night to relax and unwind but no, someone’s unfortunate child will decide that they want to punish all the juniors for no reason. They’ll ask everyone to wear red, decorate your white bedsheets with red toothpaste and yes you will see blood. No one was spared, not even teachers or housemasters, everybody got their share of premium wickedness.

They should have kuku carried guns

7. Toilets

If you have a friend that is super hygienic about toilets, they’re either very clean or they went to boarding school. Omo, the things we saw, the things we smelt. Let us just thank God that we didn’t die.

8. Punishmets

If you came out from boarding school without at least two scars, I hail you. I don’t know how human beings came up with some of those punishments because imagine someone drawing a car on the board and telling you to push it because fuel finished while flogging you, or drawing a bucket and telling you to fetch water inside it, or asking you to crawl one kilometre because you were late to the dining hall only for food to finish? Boarding school was a nightmare.

To think these people are still roaming free? This life no balance

Malakai Bassey

March 11, 2021

Inside Life

Boarders, Boarding house, Boarding School
No matter what part of Nigeria you went to boarding school, we are pretty sure your dining hall served at least half of these meals.
Yam and Eggs

Yam and eggs were usually served on Saturday or Sunday morning. Remember how sharing the egg used to cause fight? Or how the bowl or cooler would be half filled with eggs and half filled with oil? Then they’ll now serve it with one large slice of yam.
Garri and moin moin

If you didn’t carry extra sugar for your garri from your dorm then you weren’t ready for life. And why was the moin-moin always so small? Did anybody else steal extra moin-moin to go and eat in their dorms later?
Jollof rice and chicken.

Jollof rice and chicken was usually served on Sunday afternoons. Remember how they used to only serve the most miserable parts of the chicken then when there is a special occasion like school anniversary the chicken will miraculously become bigger and spicier. Some schools had Jollof rice and meat instead, then chicken for the special occasions.
Spaghetti and fish stew or noodles

Why did anyone ever think it was a good idea to serve spaghetti or noodles in Nigerian boarding schools? If you went for your meal early and got lucky then it’ll be hot and nice but most of the time the spaghetti or noodles will be cold and clumped together. When it’s not garri cake.
Akara and ogi

Immediately after having this on Saturday or Sunday morning if you didn’t take a long nap then you are not a human being. The days the ogi was watery were the worst.
White rice and stew

This was every boarding school’s favourite weekday lunch. If it wasn’t white rice, stew and meat then it was white rice, stew and fish.
Eba and egusi

The eba will now be stone cold and the egusi will be watery. If you didn’t get served egusi you got served some kind of strange vegetable soup.
Bread and stew

Remember how the stew was supposed to be fish stew but you won’t see any fish you’d only be tasting the fish in the stew. If you were lucky you’ll see one small chunk of fish.
Yam porridge

I don’t know why they used to bother to call it porridge, it was just yam and palm oil garnished with very little vegetable. At least we hope it was vegetable they were using.
Bread and eggs

The bread and egg struggle was too real if you were unlucky you’ll only get the oil at the bottom of the bowl instead of egg. Sometimes instead of fried egg, they’d serve one cold boiled egg.
We know the food struggle was real but who else misses boarding school?

We know we do.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

July 10, 2018

Oldies

Boarders, Boarding School, Dodo, garri, Jollof RIce, Nigeria, Nigerian, Nigerian secondary school, Nostalgia, secondary school
1. When you ask them to help you buy contraband and they start forming.

It’s not your fault sha.
2. How you see the students that charge boarders to help them buy stuff outside:

These ones will use to buy house.
3. When you can hear day students gisting about Paloma and Diego in class.

Because you have TV abi?
4. When day students bring cold water to school and start forming stingy for you.

On top cold water sha?
5. How day students look in the middle of the term vs. How you look in the middle of the term:

It’s dining hall food that is causing it.
6. Your face, when day students start asking you for hostel gist:

Face your front, biko.
7. How you look at day students when they bring their phones to showoff:

See that one.
8. You, watching day students eat the food they brought from home.

Chai! See chow.
9. When day students are talking about their weekend plans and you’re just there like:

Me that will be washing boxers.
10. How you spend your money vs. How day students spend their money:

The worst.
11. How you look at day students that wear all the clothes they have at home for socials:

Calm down na.
12. When a day student tries to form familiar with you and your guys.

BE GOING TO YOUR HOUSE OH!
13. You, watching day students leave school at closing time:

It can pain sometimes sha.

Daniel Orubo

August 3, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Boarders, Day Students, growing up, Nigeria, secondary school

1. S.A.P

2. Last Junior

3. Lights out

4. Journey of no return

5. Bells

6. Red night/ Social night

7. Toilets

8. Punishmets

Yam and Eggs

Garri and moin moin

Jollof rice and chicken.

Spaghetti and fish stew or noodles

Akara and ogi

White rice and stew

Eba and egusi

Bread and stew

Yam porridge

Bread and eggs

We know the food struggle was real but who else misses boarding school?

1. When you ask them to help you buy contraband and they start forming.

2. How you see the students that charge boarders to help them buy stuff outside:

3. When you can hear day students gisting about Paloma and Diego in class.

4. When day students bring cold water to school and start forming stingy for you.

5. How day students look in the middle of the term vs. How you look in the middle of the term:

6. Your face, when day students start asking you for hostel gist:

7. How you look at day students when they bring their phones to showoff:

8. You, watching day students eat the food they brought from home.

9. When day students are talking about their weekend plans and you’re just there like:

10. How you spend your money vs. How day students spend their money:

11. How you look at day students that wear all the clothes they have at home for socials:

12. When a day student tries to form familiar with you and your guys.

13. You, watching day students leave school at closing time: