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beyonce and rihanna | Zikoko!
  • 5 Old Nollywood Sidekicks Who Milked Their Limited Screen Time

    Being an old Nollywood sidekick is no easy task. With limited screen time, they have to work twice as hard to stand out. One minute they’re in class  studying, and the next, they’re outside some random girl’s hostel  shouting “boyfriend snatcher!” because their friend (and main character) needs them to. Yes, the role of movie sidekick is hard.  But here are some of our favorite old Nollywood sidekicks who ate every scene they appeared in.

    Susan Patrick – The President’s Daughter

    In The President’s Daughter, one of the most chaotic old Nollywood representations of IJGB culture to ever exist, Regina Askia plays Vanessa, the daughter of a Nigerian president who returns from the “states” to do drugs and walk around in a hideous grey wig. While Ms. Askia is the official star of the film, Susan Patrick gives an equally hilarious performance as Achika, Vanessa’s best friend and personal hype woman. In an unforgettable scene where both ladies go shopping in a boutique, Vanessa asks the sales girl to send everyone out because, well, when you’re big, you’re big. When the sales girl tries to protest, she quickly tells her to “sharrap”, and in that moment, Achika drops this iconic line:

    “If your friends don’t tell people who you are, who will?”

    Uche Jombo – Beyonce vs. Rihanna

    Rumor has it that the real Beyonce has seen this film. Although Mummy Blue has refused to share her thoughts on this visual masterpiece, the Nollywood/Ghollywood cross-pollination cannot be complete without Beyonce vs. Rihanna. The film follows Rhyme (Omotola Jalade Ekeinde as discount Rihanna) and Bernice (Nadia Buari as discount Beyonce), two singers constantly fighting each other for supremacy in the music industry, and the heart of a local champion music producer named Jay (Jim Iyke as discount Jay Z). Most of the movie’s runtime features showdowns between the “singers,”  and Uche Jombo, who plays Rhyme’s right hand woman, was always on hand to drag Bernice for filth.

    We stan a committed friend.

    Martins Njubuigbo – Every film with a Palace Scene

    If there’s one thing I miss about old Nollywood, it’s all the palace deliberation scenes. Back in the day, every film set in a village had an igwe, with his  council of elders who were always ready to offer sage advice and kiss his ass. Nollywood actor, Martins Njubuigbo, is a regular on this council. From Olu Jacobs to Pete Edochie, Nonyelu has served more terms than a Nigerian military Head of State turned president. Legend has it that if you look into a mirror and say “Igwe” three times, he’ll appear. 

    Franca Brown – Abuja Connection

    Way before Eucharia Anunobi and Clarion Chukwura gave their lives to Christ, they gave us iconic characters in the 2003 drama, “Abuja Connection”. Set in the city filled with contract and senator chasers, the film follows the rivalry between Jennifer (Clarion Chukwura)  and Sophia (Eucharia Anunobi), two women who hate each other’s guts because there aren’t enough sugar daddies in Abuja for them to share.. It features the epic scene where Eucharia tells Clarion, “I can see you envy my beauriful bawdy.” Amidst the outrageous wigs, long acrylic nails and heavy gold jewelry, Franca Brown, who plays Eucharia’s sidekick, issues multiple unforgettable threats. 

    Violent friends, over here please!

    Mac Morris Ndubueze – Every film where one or two cultists are gathered

    If there is one thing Nollywood campuses are known for, it’s peak cultism action. From Ini Edo as an oppressed student in “Beautiful Faces” to Nonso Diobi as an oppressor in “War Game,” almost all our faves have been involved in at least one cultism-themed drama. Talking about “War Game”, our favorite character in it happens to be the sidekick played by Mac Morris Ndubueze. You know that thing where someone says a lot without saying anything at all? That was Mac Morris throughout the film. 

    We stan a trigger-happy comic relief!

  • “I Was Bullied For Liking Beyoncé Over Football” – Man Like Chuuzus

    What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up.

    “Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.


    The subject for today’s “Man Like” is Chuuzus. He’s a social media manager, content god, and all-around baddie. He talks about being bullied for being different, his male role model, leaving Nigerian Twitter, and some of his biggest fears. 

    It’s been a tough week. How are you? 

    I’ve generally felt angry and helpless with the whole #EndSars situation. I’ve gone through a lot of emotions — pain, anger, shock. I was so angry that people were not talking, and that some people were unfollowing me because I was tweeting about the #EndSars movement.

    I think I lost over 100 followers in one day just for tweeting #EndSars alone. Maybe it’s the fact that most of my followers are white people, so they’re not interested in this type of thing. I’m just here thinking that didn’t we say that Black Lives Matter? Why is everyone unlooking? 

    Pause. Your followers are what? 

    [Laughs]

    A little backstory — I love pop culture. I love talking about Beyoncé, Rihanna, Viola Davis, Quentin Tarantino, Kid Cudi. Like a lot. It also helps that I have friends who also enjoy this. So, when we discuss Quentin Tarantino, I’ll post something on Twitter about Kill Bill. Sometimes, it’s Viola Davis, so I’ll post something from How To Get Away With Murder. Over time, I realised that foreigners interact more with this content, so I focused on them. With time, I found myself slowly moving out of “Nigerian” Twitter. 

    To be honest, I like it because I’m seeing what I really love, which is pop culture. 

    Interesting.

    People drag me that I don’t talk about Nigerian pop culture, but I find it boring. Only a few people excite me, like Burna Boy, Santi, Odunsi, Deto Black, Lady Donli. Then, of course, Genevieve because she’s a queen. If you expect me to talk about the “other “people, I’m sorry it won’t happen. 

    Lmao. I’m curious about how you can talk about pop culture so well.

    I remember being different growing up. I also remember being treated differently in secondary school, and I swore never to allow any of my children to go to boarding school. It’s crazy how people bully you for being different.

    Because I didn’t like football and preferred talking about Beyoncé, Rihanna, I was called different names. I remember the popular kids called me names like faggot, dead guy. Apart from the names, I also faced a lot of discrimination. The fact that I don’t like football doesn’t give you a right to call me names. Who TF do you think you are? 

    I was just a child who enjoyed these things and loved to talk about them. I don’t understand why they had to be mean to me. 

    I’m so sorry. Do you want to share any incident?

    One time, I remember gisting with one of the popular girls back in school and one of the popular boys came by to meet her. He was like, “Why are you talking to this dead guy?” That statement shook me. When I got to the hostel, I was crying. It was normal to them, but I kept asking myself why someone would think it was okay to look down on someone. 

    I was like, “Do these people really think I’m a dead guy?”

    To be honest, I used to be concerned about the opinion of the popular kids. Some people will say that they didn’t care about their opinion, but the truth is that most people did. 

    It’s sad because nobody knows where the popular kids are today. I want to ask them: “What did you gain by being a bully?” They gained nothing. 

    Preach sis! 

    It’s wild that back then they used to call me Beyoncé, and I’d be angry. But now, I’m like what??  I can’t believe there was a time I was angry because people were calling me Bey. That’s like the greatest performer of our time. The most celebrated artist of our time. Why was I angry? I guess it’s because I was small and didn’t know what I was doing. Today, if you call me Beyoncé, that means I’m doing something right. It means that my work is exceptional, and I’m doing amazing.

    LMAO. I’m dying. How would you define masculinity?

    I like not being afraid to try new things. Some people think if you’re doing manicure or pedicure as a man, you’re gay. And these people are usually homophobes.  My idea of masculinity revolves around doing things without caring about what people will say. I’m not threatened to do things people consider as “woman-like.” For example, why can’t I like pink? Is it not a color? 

    Energy. Has anything ever threatened this belief?

    No. However, someone has threatened my life. 

    Wait. What?

    Yes. Threatened my life.

    Wow. 

    Back when I was on Nigerian Twitter, I was chaotic and always fighting with people. I blame it on the fact that I was very young. 

    I got into a fight with someone, and the person was like I know where you live and I’ll deal with you. The person dropped my address, my street name, my bus stop. See, I was so scared. After that incident, I’m just in my own lane tweeting about Rihanna. Before somebody will come and kill me because of Twitter. 

    I’m sorry but I laughed. Do you have male role models you want to be like? 

    OMG, Kid Cudi. The type of music he made when I was growing up wasn’t something considered “masculine.” He was singing about being depressed and back then, Hip-hop was all about drugs and women. Kid Cudi was there for me. He was there to address issues that black people look down on. Things like depression, loneliness, feeling lost. 

    I remember being depressed, listening to his album Man On The Moon 1 and 2 and thinking to myself that everything would end up being fine no matter what. 

    Did everything end up being fine though? 

    [Laughs]

    Does anything scare you? 

    I’m scared of not achieving my goal of being a filmmaker and an actor. I’m scared that there’s no time with the way things are going. I’m in my 20s, and this is the time I’m meant to start acting and stuff. But wtf is going on? I’ve also not figured out what I want to do with life. 

    I’m scared of not being well-loved. In fact, I never knew I’d like a relationship until my heart got broken like last month. I used to look down on all these couples in love until it happened to me. Now, it’s something I actually want. 

    Then there’s also the fear that I’ll never get a banging body. I’ll be sad if that doesn’t happen because I must rock a crop top before I die. 

    E for Eneji.

    Lmao.

    I was hoping to ask: when was the last time you cried?

    Yesterday. 

    The past week has been so so difficult with the #EndSars protests and all, then I now heard that a young man named Oke got killed. This is someone that was very young, and you could tell that he wanted to achieve something with his life. He had dreams just like any young person, and Nigeria killed him. That was extremely sad to me because no one deserves to go like that. 

    When I heard the news, I cried and cried.  Everyday, I pray that his soul rests in peace. 

    Me too. Me too.


    Check back every Sunday by 12 pm for new stories in the “Man Like” series. If you’d like to be featured or you know anyone that would be perfect for this, kindly send an email.

  • 5 Old Nollywood Movies You Need To Watch Again

    Today, we look back at some of the old Nollywood movies that were the bomb when they were released but which, in retrospect, were quite hilarious and improbable. If you are looking for a perfect way to wrap up the weekend, let these Queens of Nollywood entertain you.

    1. Sharon Stone.

    https://youtu.be/IBugVXF9Rpk

    Synopsis: “A callous playgirl suffers the consequences when her lifestyle undermined her chances with the one man that stole her heart.”

    But here’s what to expect: Genevieve Nnaji as Sharon Stone, living her best life as a baby girl.

    2. White Hunters.

    Synopsis: “The story is about a group of girls who date only white men.”

    With a cast comprising Ini Edo, Funke Akindele, Mercy Johnson, best believe it’s going to be chaotic.

    3. Dumebi.

    DUMEBI (the dirty girl) - YouTube

    Dumebi is the movie that cemented Mercy Johnson’s role as an icon. There’s nothing anyone else can tell me.

    Synopsis: “A village girl is sent out from her house to locate the father of her child, a financial consultant in the city, but her problems begin when she forgets her baby in the cab.”

    You knowwww this one will be premium drama.

    Watch here: Dumebi

    4. Blackberry Babes

    This movie was an instant blockbuster. Here’s the official synopsis:

    From the Producer behind the Nollywood Hits – “Beyonce and Rihanna“, “White Hunters“, “Girls Cot” and “Life Partners“. Simony Pictures Introduces BLACKBERRY BABES (BBB) Damisa (Oge Okoye) and her friends (Tonto DikehMary RemmyAnnie Macaulay) are the Blackberry Babes, their economic, social and dating lives are organised and pay homage to a connected mobile world. Witness the lengths that girls will go for the love of material wealth…

    Blackberry is long gone anyway, but here’s a quiz to remind you of the good old days: QUIZ: Only Millennials Will Get 7/11 On This BlackBerry Quiz

    5. Beyonce and Rihanna.

    In this movie, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde and Nadia Buhari play Beyonce and Rihanna. That alone, will keep you entertained.

    Some of these movies made our list of 4 Nollywood Movies We Still Can’t Believe Got Made. Trust us, re-watching them is the best way to end the weekend.

    If you are in Ilorin for the weekend, this one is for you:

    6 Things You Can Do In Ilorin This Weekend