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Being broke | Zikoko!
  • 10 Pictures That Are Too Real for Nigerians During Salary Week

    When you’re broke but still need to go to work

    If you’re not working remotely, this is the genesis of your problems.

    And you don’t have a car but still need to pay for transportation

    Two options:  you can either call in sick or pretend it’s the weekend.

    When you try to borrow from people but they’re broke too

    Everyone else is waiting for their salaries too.

    And you start to convince yourself that it’s only a few more days before your salary drops

    It’s the hope that kills, but you have to stay alive till it comes.

    You start budgeting because you’ve finally realized that you need to do better with money

    All those money skills that only work when there’s no actual money.

    You start to regret your terrible spending habits

    You flashback to the times when you were (acting like) a baller.

    Salary day comes, it’s 2 pm, and the alert still hasn’t dropped

    The anxiety is second to none.

    You also can’t go home because how will you trek from Yaba to Berger?

    This is where you start pretending to work late but you’re actually losing your mind.

    Your salary finally drops and you breathe a sigh of relief

      Your enemies have been put to shame.

    Then you forget your budget and start spending like you’re Otedola’s long lost child

    Budget who? You’ve suffered too much to not spend this money.


    NEXT READ: A Case for Doing the Barest Minimum at Work


  • 7 Ways to Prevent “Insufficient Funds” from Choking You in January

    After “Detty December” comes “E choke” January, but that will not be your portion. If you follow these six tips religiously, “insufficient funds” will have nothing on you.

    Pro tip: Number two always works.

    1. Break up with your partner

    You guys can make-up later, but you have to remain focused on securing the bag. Break up now, love won’t feed you.

    2. Take Buju’s advice

    Don’t go outside ooo. There’s debit alert everywhere. You never know where you’ll enter and your account will suddenly become minus 100k. Take heart ehn; it’s only a while. The outside is not running away.

    3. Befriend your boss

    Who else has the future of your account balance in their hands if not your boss? Start dusting their shoes and washing the plates they use for lunch at the office. If you don’t see your salary in January, at least you know who to fight (not us, plis).

    4. Start planting what you’ll eat in January

    Why spend money on food when you can harvest? See, carry hoe and watering can and transform that barren backyard of yours into a food court.

    5.
    Stock up on vibes and Insha’Allah

    For every event, hangout or fun memory you make, keep a portion of the vibes aside for rainy days in January. It’s just thirty days, insha’Allah, you will survive.

    6. Fast and pray

    If people ask how come you are beginning to look thin and poor in January, tell them you are observing a special prayer and fasting period for supernatural blessings. Kabaya!

    7. Lock your funds till mid January

    Then throw away the key and forget you have anything called money somewhere. Your January self will thank you.

    QUIZ: What Kind Of January Will You Have?

  • The Sapa Chronicles: 5 Feelings That Hit You In A Sapandemic

    When it’s past the middle of the month and you can’t wait to receive your salary, there are about 5 stages you will pass through. May your enemies not see you in number 5 because it will choke.

    1. Optimism

    This is when the sapa hasn’t held your throat yet. Shebi they said tough times never last.

    2. Sadness

    Who did you offend? As if you’re not broke enough, body cream and bath soap will just finish. Just wipe your tears ehn, don’t let your enemies rejoice.

    3. Worry

    Bills will just keep appearing from all corners. Worse thing about it is they do not listen to “wait till month end”. Egbami.

    4. Caution

    At this point, you stop worrying about cashflow and think of how to save some coins. Thankfully, with the Dominos Pizza online Buy One Get One Free deal, you get to do just that. Order here before the deal expires.

    5. Frustration

    At this stage, only credit alert can save you, because responsibilities choke.