Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121
beard gang | Zikoko!

Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • The Ridiculous Process of Trying to Grow a Beard

    Noticing the two hair strands on your chin

    At this point, it’s unclear whether you’re finally growing a beard or your body’s just playing a prank on you. But you stroke your chin in front of the mirror every day while visualizing your imaginary beard.

    Using spirit makes it grow

    You’ll do this until you realize you’re doing nothing but sterilising your chin. Chances are you gave up on this plan.

    Shaving your beards more often to make them grow

    You did this because of one half-baked theory that said it works. But that’s how you get bumps the size of a baby’s head. It probably didn’t make you stop anyway, because the love of beards is greater than the fear of bumps.

    Then you give up and start buying beard oil

    At some point, it was obvious you were just fooling yourself,, so you decided to splurge on beard oil promising that you’d look like Lebron in a few months.

    Then you start praying to God that they connect

    You finally start seeing some real growth, but the problem is, the strands don’t seem to be  ot connecting. So you try everything you know. You go back to using spirit to fertilize the patch that has somehow refused to grow hair. Or you keep using rollers to make the hair on your chin look fuller. Either way, it’s stressful.

    And when they finally connect, you’ll treat it like it’s your most valued possession

    When your beard connects,  they become your entire personality.

    Then 2023 comes and no one cares about them that much anymore

    Women don’t even list having a beard as part of their spec anymore. How the mighty have fallen. 

    NEXT READ: The Reality TV Shows We Nigerians Deserve

    Sheriff Alimi

    , , ,
  • 6 Things Every Nigerian Man Desperate To Grow A Beard Has Tried

    As some men around the world observe “No Shave November”, others wish it was “Wish I Could Shave November”. Over time, men that have struggled to grow a beard have been mocked by others, and labelled “Not man enough.”

    These conditions have moved them to become desperate and try everything in their power to try and grow a beard. Here are some of the things that every man who is struggling to grow a beard has tried.

    1. Weed

    Everyone will tell you that marijuana is the answer to your problems and because you’re desperate, you’ll head off the next dealer and buy N500 weed. You’ll dry it, blend it and mix it with either methylated spirit or oil and start applying it every day. Blink twice if I’m telling the truth.

    2. Methylated spirit

    Methylated spirit can be used alone, but people say it works better with weed, so you mix them both. Every morning and evening, you’ll apply the mix on your beard and wait for the magic to happen. But if someone ever asks you why you have a bottle of methylated spirit by your bedside, you know you’ll just tell that it’s because you’re very prone to injuries.

    3. Hair growth products

    If you have money but you don’t have a beard, you’ve probably tried this one. After lots of research, you’ll finally choose one that seems to be the answer to all your problems but because it doesn’t work, you won’t buy another when the first one finishes. I know, I’ve been there.

    4. Working out

    You’ll hear that testosterone is good for beard growth and then further research will help you find out that working out helps to increase your testosterone levels. Well done. Lift those weights, soldier.

    5. Random googling

    You’re tired of looking like a baby beside your friends and Igbo women, and Google just has to have the answers. So you just go and start googling until you find the answer. Keep it up, king.

    6. Snapchat filter

    When you’re tired of trying all the real life solutions to beardlessness, remember that technology has made it easy for everyone to be who they want to be. Download Snapchat on your phone, load those beard filters and enjoy yourself my guy. One way or another, this beard must show.

    [donation]

    David Odunlami

  • 5 Super Cool Upsides To Having A Beard

    Contrary to what Nigerian parents and your peers who nature has cursed with the inability to grow facial hair will tell you, beards are cool. So cool, in fact, that we put together a list of the advantages of having your face covered in luscious hair.

    1) It makes you more attractive.

    Someone said that beards are to men what makeup is to women. That person had obviously never heard of men wearing makeup. Anyway, growing a beard can help give you a more refined look.

    2) It’s gives you extra space to hide things.

    If your beard is large enough, you could sneak in at least 2 small bottles of Jameson Irish Whiskey into any place you want by hiding them in your beard. This is why you never see bearded guys buy anything at cinema concession stands.

    3) It frees up the time you’d usually spend shaving so you can do other stuff.

    There’s a study that proves the avarage man will spend an estimated 3,350 hours of his life shaving. That’s 139 days. That’s almost 5 months! Ain’t nobody got time for that.

    4) Gives you something to scratch while you’re thinking.

    Everybody needs a beard to scratch during deep thought. What do you want to do? Scratch your bare chin? LMAO

    5) Women love them.

    Women tend to associate more masculine faces with physical strength, social assertiveness, and formidability. Women find these things incredibly attractive.

    Like a luscious beard, good things need time and care. Just like Jameson Irish Whiskey. We treat our whiskey the way a good man treats his beard, with care.

    In anticipation of Nigeria’s 60th Independence Day celebration, Jameson celebrated the resilience and creativity of Nigerians by highlighting the togetherness of the people using both bearded brothers and their admirers.

    The celebration continued with the release of a special Jameson Independence Day pack. The special pack unites the country using icons that represent all her regions.

    All this is just a tip of the iceberg. Expect more awesomeness and enjoy Jameson responsibly.

    Follow Jameson on Twitter and Instagram @jamesonngr, www.jamesonwhiskey.com

    Astor George

    , ,

  • 1. Your beard is basically a food tray.

    2. This always happens because your beard has a life of its own.

    3. People without connecting beard be like:

    4. You with your beard VS you when you shave your beard.

    https://twitter.com/Datzmenoni/status/847849955838570496

    5. Dealing with oversabi relatives that like to hate on your beard.

    6. When a Nigerian police sights your beard.

    https://twitter.com/femifactor/status/870273362148417536

    7. Guys with connecting beard can’t relate to this.

    8. Nothing truer than this TBH!

    https://twitter.com/iamsupervillain/status/861175987891048452

    9. Stop slapping your boys o!

    https://twitter.com/iamsupervillain/status/854592025773170688

    10. Your WCW is triggered by this tweet.

    11. This forward-thinking woman.

    https://twitter.com/TheUfuoma_/status/870726696571371520

    Maryam

    ,

  • 1. Wole Soyinka

    Grey and popping!

    2. Phyno

    Why such a fine beard?

    3. Common

    Beard + freckles, equals damn cute!

    4. Obi Somto

    Does Obi use some kind of fertilizer?

    5. Drake

    Your boyfriend needs to meet Drake for advice, though.

    6. Noble Igwe

    Even the hair on our head is not this fine.

    7. Lynxxx

    Can we be your Mrs Lynxxx(s)?

    8. Idris Elba

    Diz tew much!

    9. Fine-guy-we-don’t-know

    Who has his number though? Asking for a friend.

    10. Jidenna

    Our man crush everyday.

    11. Rick Ross

    The baba of them all!

    12. RMD

    You wish your Sugar Daddy looked like this!

    13. Hon. Desmond Elliot

    How does he keep it so even? lawn mower?

    14. Praiz

    So grateful he joined the gang!

    Shola

    , , ,