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  • Interview With Lagos Beaches: “Stop Acting Like You Can’t Afford Us” 

    Zikoko walks into a cabana with loud music booming from the speakers and a hype man standing in a corner. She’s led through the back to what can only be described as paradise. 

    Zikoko: Okay, what is this?

    Oniru Beach: It’s a private residence of some sort.

    Zikoko: It’s shiny.

    Landmark Beach: [turns to Elegushi Beach] See? Told you a little sweeping and dusting is all you need.

    Elegushi Beach: [mimics Landmark].

    Zikoko: As much as I love this free day with you lot. 

    [Under her breath] 

    Because God knows it would’ve taken my entire salary to come on my own.

    [Out loud] 

    Can we start this, so I can leave early and not sleep in the traffic Landmark has piling on from the gate?

    Elegushi Beach: [chuckles]

    Zikoko: No offense, but you’re not better.

    Oniru Beach: [snickers]

    Zikoko: Actually, you’re all birds of the same feather. 

    [points at Elegushi Beach]

    You don’t know how to say no to people, so everyone’s always at yours making a mess.

    [points at Landmark Beach]

    You keep hosting parties and causing roadblocks. People might as well make reservations before visiting. You’ve basically become an Island restaurant.

    Landmark Beach: I take exception to that.

    Elegushi Beach: Ehn?! There’s one restaurant over there.

    [He points left]

    There 

    [He points right] 

    and there 

    [He points behind him] 

    Oniru Beach: Don’t you have restaurants too?

    Elegushi Beach: Not as much as him.

    Landmark Beach: So it’s just jealousy.

    Zikoko: Okay, pause. Why is that even a thing?

    Oniru Beach: What?

    Zikoko: The endless restaurants. A beach is supposed to be for peace, relaxation, a little quiet time before you return to the “Hope this meets you well” emails. But there are bars, clubs and restaurants on every beach in Lagos. Also, how many of you am I actually interviewing? 

    [Zikoko digs into her bag]

    Landmark Beach: You don’t want to eat at the beach? See, all the restaurants, bars and clubs you’re complaining about is not for us o. It’s for you.

    Zikoko: Okay, but Lagosians are saying they don’t want…

    Landmark Beach: No, Lagosians are not saying they don’t want. They’re saying they pay too much for them.

    Zikoko: So you guys know it’s too much money?

    Oniru Beach: I don’t think it’s too much. In fact, for all the white sand and blue water we provide, they need to pay more.

    Zikoko: [Shakes head] There’s no blue water, the sand isn’t that white, and they’re already paying for everything else. Including chair to sit on.

    Oniru Beach: That’s not true

    Landmark and Elegushi Beach: [shake head]

    Zikoko: They pay to park, enter, sit, drink, eat…

    Elegushi Beach: No. They can bring whatever they want to eat.

    Zikoko: Not in the new ones, they can’t.

    Elegushi Beach: Which new ones? Ehn, they should not go to those ones now. 

    Zikoko: They’re nicer.

    Oniru Beach: So why are you not interviewing them?

    Zikoko: Because you people didn’t bring them.

    Landmark Beach: Technically, I’m a new one.

    Zikoko: Landmark, no offense, but we’ve seen you finish. You don’t count.

    Oniru and Elegushi Beaches: [laugh]

    Oniru Beach: Help us tell him.

    Zikoko: I’m not on anyone’s side.

    Elegushi Beach: See. There are over 30 of us, so I really think you should tell Lagosians to pick the one they like and be going there. 

    Zikoko: Okay, I understand what you’re saying. But that doesn’t change the fact that you all want to finish Lagosians with billing.

    Landmark Beach: That’s a heavy accusation.

    Oniru Beach: Exactly, we aren’t forcing anybody to come to us. It’s a choice they have to make.

    Zikoko: Some people like the peace and relaxation the water gives.

    Elegushi Beach: Like mami wata?

    Zikoko: No, the water is supposed to be calming.

    Oniru Beach: Ehn, they should pour water inside a glass and be looking at it. This is Lagos. Nothing goes for nothing, and we, the beaches in charge, have set our price.

    Elegushi Beach: It’s not like we’re even asking for plenty money, just ₦2k here.

    Oniru Beach: ₦5k there.

    Landmark Beach: Sometimes, it might be small ₦10k. 

    Zikoko: ₦10k is not small o.

    Oniru Beach: How is ₦10k small? I’m with Zikoko on this one.

    Elegushi Beach: Count to ten with your fingers. Isn’t it plenty?

    Landmark Beach: But Twitter people said…

    Zikoko: [Lays back in her lounge chair]

    Oniru Beach: What’re you doing?

    Zikoko: Enjoying my free day at the beach. 

    [Pulls a headset out of her bag]

    You can continue arguing about who’s the most expensive.

    Chioma Munachi

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  • QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Give You What to Wear on the Beach

    Say no to bikinis. Take this quiz and get something even better to wear.

    There’s one place where you can be a hot babe in peace — HERtitude 2023!

    GET YOUR TICKETS HERE

    Meyimi O.

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  • Beach Fashions: 6 Hacks to Make You Look More Fashionable at the Beach

    Everyone wears the same thing to the beach these days. Either they’re in different variations of shorts, skirts and robes. We want you to stand out and prove yourself as a true fashionista. So try out these six outfits. 

    Two wrappers

    You might be tempted to go for a little dip while at the beach. Instead of dealing with the stress of removing a lot of clothes, just untie one of your wrappers. It’s versatile because you can spread it as a beach towel. An innovative yet stylish Queen. 

    RELATED: Nigerian Fashion Is in Its Ashawo Era and We’re Here For It

    Evening gown

    What if you see marine spirit and they invite you to dinner? You don’t want to be underdressed. 

    Armour 

    Never to be caught off-guard because your enemies can want to try you anywhere.

    RELATED: 9 Lagos Fashion Trends That Need to Die

    Lab coat

    Marine biologist or marine spirit? Nobody will ever really know. All they’d know is that the outfit sparked something in them. 

    Boots

    People are already wearing boots in weather they shouldn’t. I mean, why else will some Lagosians be wearing boots in this heat? But that’s old news. We want you to do something new, that’s why wearing boots to the beach is a great idea. Wearing boots to the beach isn’t common but it’ll surely get the people going and you’ll be a trend setter. 

    RELATED: Your Fave Footwear as Your Relationship Red Flags

    Suit

    Because capitalism has you in a chokehold, you may never get an off day to properly enjoy the beach. But if you work from home, this can be solved by simply wearing a suit to the beach. In case of an impormptu zoom meeting, you’re already dressed. 

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • 5 Unpopular Beach Destinations in Africa that will Enchant You

    Traveling around Africa isn’t for the fainthearted, between the logistics of finding direct flights to the exorbitant ticket prices, it can be a daunting task travelling across the continent.

    However, with a decent savings plan like Letshego’s LetsGo save and knowledge of what your trip costs, travelling in Africa is an awesome experience, as Letshego is improving lives through diversified lifestyle travel opportunities and exploration of their customers.

    If you need any more convincing that you should be doing a little more travelling in Africa, these 5 beach destinations would nudge you in the right direction:

    1. Ponta Mamoli – Mozambique

    Located between two national parks—Mkuze Game Reserve in South Africa and Maputo Elephant Reserve and about a three-hour drive from the capital of Mozambique, Maputo is Ponta Mamoli a strip along the Indian Ocean of glittering glittering turquoise waters shielded by miles of dry savanna, swampy forest, and floodplains of reed beds and papyrus. There’s lots to do and see here, from snorkeling, scuba diving to safaris, Ponta Mamoli offers a diverse range of activities to suit your taste and the best part about it is that it is never packed with tourists.

    2. Lamu Archipelago – Kenya

    First off, Lamu town is a UNESCO World Heritage site, so it hardly gets cooler than that. Located off the Northern coast of Mombasa, this cluster of islands has beaches with clear waters perfect for excellent The town itself has quiet, narrow streets that are fascinating to explore and with no cars available you can explore the archipelago’s secret beaches on a traditional dhow.

    3. Trou-aux-Biches – Mauritius

    One of Mauritius’ best beaches is located in the town of Trou-aux-Biches. What’s awesome about Trou-aux-Biches is that it is a mile of fine sand of public beach. Its west coast location means that it is largely sheltered from the weather during the rainy season, while local restaurants serve cuisine that reflects Mauritius’ multicultural heritage. Watersports keep children and adults entertained, and the southern end of the beach offers a range of accommodation options to suit all budgets.

    4. Umzumbe, KwaZulu-Natal, – South Africa

    This secluded part of the lush and untouched South Coast of KwaZulu-Natal is one of the destinations in the area which has managed to keep clear of development and retain its country charm. Situated not far from Durban, the biggest city in KwaZulu-Natal, this is another great surfing and swimming destination.

    5. Anse Source D’Argent – Seychelles

    The Seychelles archipelago has long been one of the world’s most romantic destinations and its beaches feature frequently in global Top 10 lists. One of the island nation’s most famous beaches is Anse Source D’Argent, located on the island of La Digue. This stretch of pure white sand is perhaps the archetypal paradise beach, with dramatic boulders, shallow turquoise waters and gently curving palm trees. It’s a great place to soak up the sunshine or go snorkeling, making it a popular stop for visiting day-trippers.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • Five Perfect Beaches In West Africa

    So you live in Lagos, or somewhere in Nigeria and you feel like you need a break from the stress of being Nigerian or living in Nigeria, you don’t have to look far out when you’re thinking of places to run to and hide for a few days or weeks.

    The Jollof road team has been travelling through West Africa for the past 55 days. They’ve been telling a lot of deep stories about what it means to be West African in West Africa today, meeting people from Marlians to foreigners who can zanku better than the average Nigerians. But importantly, they’ve been chronicling some of the places you should go to for your next vacation. If beaches are your thing, then this article will recommend five beaches you should consider putting on your travel wishlist.

    1. Grand Popo, Benin Republic

    Labadi Beach, Ghana

    Robertsport Beach, Liberia

    Kotu Beach, Gambia

    Ile De Ngor, Senegal

    Ope

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  • The Types of People You’ll Find at the Grey8 Escape

    People say, “Don’t mix business with pleasure”, and we really don’t understand that. What’s wrong with having a great time while making connections to help your career?  

    Clearly, Grey — the brand that makes international payments easier than making eba — doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with that. They’re hosting a beach party where you can have a great time and still make great connections, and we know all the types of people that’ll definitely show up at it.

    The ones who came just to party

    These ones are about to walk into the party and forget the networking part of the event. They’re just there to have a good time and enjoy their life.

    The tech brothers and sisters

    No, it’s not a tech event. But Grey is a fintech company, and whenever anyone breathes “fintech”, the rich tech siblings are never too far away.

    The social butterfly

    Our apologies to the person who decides to cling to their sides at the event. They know everybody in the room, and nothing will stop them from having conversations with all of them.

    The follow-come

    They don’t really know what the event is about. All they know is their friend told them to come, and they carried their two legs in.

    The ones who are there for the liquor

    This group of people saw Flying Fish was partnering and quickly ran to find their fit for the event.

    The die-hard networkers

    These ones heard “networking”, and their ears perked up. They’ll most likely be in business casual with their iPad and packs of business cards not too far away.

    The content creators

    They heard “networking event”, and the first thing that popped into their head was CONTENT. They’re never too hard to spot. Catch them with a drink in one hand and a tripod in the other.

    The mami watas

    These ones would attend any event near a body of water. So when they heard “beach party”, best believe they packed their load and hauled themselves there.

    Chioma Munachi

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  • 8 Types of People We Saw at the Joeboy x Chibyverse South Social Lavida Night

    What’s a Detty December without affordable liquor, a hype man who knows his work, Chibby pouring shots down people’s throats and Joeboy’s music playing loudly through the speakers. Chibyverse x Joeboy’s South Social Lavida Night had all these and more, and these types of people they pulled up for it.

    Chibyverse regulars

    Chiby throws a party every other Friday, and you think he has no regulars? Just like your favourite friend with benefits, Chibyverse offers a night filled with cheap, safe fun, so it’s no wonder the people almost never attend once. Chibyverse regulars will always pull up for a Chibyverse party, and the Lavida Night wasn’t going to be different.

    Joeboy fans

    These ones only came to see their Lavida boy and party with him. As far as they were concerned, everything else was simply jara.

    The tag alongs

    They told their friends they wanted to end the year with a bang, and the next thing they knew, they were at Moist Beach paying for tickets through Paga.

    The deal lovers

    They heard the party tickets were only ₦7k, weighed it against the Detty December club experience, and hightailed it to Moist Beach. They love a good deal, and if you’re like them, you’ll love that when you renew your Amazon Prime Video using Paga on the 1st and 2nd month, you can enjoy a 25% discount, and if you’re still using it on the 3rd month, you’ll get a 50% discount. 

    The ones with rock-solid livers

    They heard tales of Chiby pouring shots down people’s throats and how easy it would be to pay for drinks through Paga, and they rushed to Moist Beach, ready to drink the night away… very responsibly.

    The networkers

    These people had plans for their 2024 and decided to invest in a two-factor authentication, Lavida night for networking on the 29th, and cross-over service for prayers on the 31st.

    The dancers

    Everyone else was there to party. These ones came out to show that what Poco Lee can do, they can definitely do better.

    The ones looking for love 

    Who said you can’t find love at the hottest beach party in Lagos? These ones heard about all the Chibyverse love stories and decided to end their single era in 2023. 

    Which of these guys were you?

    Chioma Munachi

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