BDSM | Zikoko!

Nigerian Women, We Know What’s in Your BDSM Kits

If Nigerian women think we don’t know what’s in their little bags, when they go for their cute genitalia meet and greet sprinkled with violence, they should wake up. Because we know.

Ata gungun

If you didn’t think this was the first thing on the list, you clearly don’t know Nigerian women. Those people are wicked, and there are so many ways they can get creative with ata gungun. Small thing, they’ve blindfolded you and you’re feeling a tingling sensation in your privates. You know how the rest goes. Shebi it’s you that wants to do dangerous things.

Omorogun

What’s a spanking if omorogun is not involved? Better turn your yansh and let this turning stick do the work she brought it for.

Or koboko

This one is not just for spanking, it’s for flogging sense into you. And again, there’s nobody wickeder than a Nigerian woman. Anything your eyes see, take it like that.

Nearly All Men In Lagos Are Mad

Imagine someone ties you down and reads this book to you. No be bondage and discipline be that? And you know who loves this book? Nigerian women.

Ankara

Ankara is very important for Nigerian women who involve themselves in the act of bedroom wickedness. First of all, don’t expect them to come with those black leather or fishnet outfits. No. They’ll tie wrapper, and that’s it.

Also, they don’t need handcuffs. They’ll just use Ankara strips to tie your hands and legs like a goat about to be slaughtered.

Koi koi shoe

Fun fact: Nobody wears heels anymore these days. So if you see a woman adorning these, just know she’s going for dangerous bedroom play.

Screenshots of their chats with other men

She won’t read these to you o. She’ll print them out and give you. You’re the one that’ll read them by yourself and start crying. This is your daily reminder to cheat on Nigerian women because they’re already cheating on you, surely.

Male tears

Because what’s a better lubricant?

David Odunlami

September 1, 2022

Inside Life

BDSM, Nigerian women
8 BDSM Identities You Didn’t Know About

It’s easy to summarise the BDSM community into two parts — dominants and submissives. But what if we told you there are more identities in the community than you know? In this article, we examine eight identities in the BDSM community.

Dom

Or Dominants, as they are called are people who enjoy exerting control on their partners. It could be limited to sexual activities or beyond them. Activities used could include forced orgasms, ruined orgasms, or orgasm denial among others. A dom guides and dictates the experience for all parties involved.

RELATED: 9 Nigerians Talk About Being Into BDSM

Sub (submissive)

Or submissive, as the name implies is someone who enjoys sexual pleasure by serving their partners. A sub may like activities where they’re disciplined, punished, spanked or otherwise dominated by their partner. Where the dom guides the experience, the sub enjoys it as dictated by the dom.

Little

Littles are a type of submissive that use age play in their role play. Littles enjoy playing the role of a younger person who has to be cared for by their partner, usually a daddy dom. The key difference between littles and submissives is the age play involved. It’s also important to note that age play in BDSM is strictly between two consenting adults.

Master

Masters are dominants that exert ultimate control over their submissives. They’re responsible for taking care of their submissives’ needs and also for protecting them. Masters could also be mistresses depending on what they prefer to be called.

RELATED: Sex Life: I Hated Sex Till I Discovered BDSM

Slave

A slave is a submissive that gives total submission to a dominant. A slave is seen as the master’s property and the master can do as they please with the slave. This power exchange relationship is often criticised because of the historical implications of slavery.

Switch

A switch is a person who oscillates between dominant and submissive roles in the world of BDSM. They can decide to be a sub with one partner and a dom with another partner depending on their mood, circumstances and the vibe between the partners.

Brat

A brat is a type of submissive who enjoys being mischievous or disobedient to their partner to get their attention. They could laugh in their partner’s face or deliberately ignore them until they’re getting the kind of attention they desire. Sometimes being a brat can include punishment but it’s important to note that this dynamic involves consenting individuals who understand what’s happening.

Princess

A princess is a type of submissive that wants to be adored, worshipped and pampered in exchange for their submission. For princesses, they’ll only do what they’re told, after they’ve been shown the amount of care they want.

Now you know some of the identities associated with the BDSM community, here’s an article on how to practice aftercare with your partner.

Mariam Sule

July 13, 2022

Ships

BDSM
Sex Life: My BDSM Journey Started Out Extreme

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 33-year-old woman who’s been out of the BDSM scene for three years. She talks about starting with extreme things like fire and blood play, a dom that helped her find herself, and retiring from the scene until someone exciting comes along.

Tell me about your first sexual experience

My first time was a birthday gift from a friend. It was my 18th. I had told him I was bored and ready to try sex, so he linked me up with a friend of his.

There was nothing spectacular about it. If anything, I found it quite boring. I thought something was missing. Something I needed to make me enjoy sex. So I went to look for it.

What did you do?.

I started my exploration on the internet. Google was my friend. I searched for edgier ways to have sex, and kept reading and clicking links till I stumbled upon BDSM.

I was 19 and in the USA for university when all my research finally led me to groups of free-spirited people. These people invited me to sex parties and dungeons.

The more parties I attended, the more people I met and they let me know when the next party would happen.

Was it safe?

Yes. Some of these parties you’d have to register for. You’d fill out forms, pay a fee, and also present tests that showed you were free from any sexually transmitted disease or infection.

The ones that didn’t require forms are just regular parties that sometimes spiral into something else.

RELATED: Sex Life: I Attended Sex Parties Every Weekend For Three Years

Did you like the parties?

I did enjoy it. I was a very curious person who wanted to try everything she saw, and I got the chance when I was 20.

I met a man during one of these BDSM events. He was my very first dom and I felt safe enough to tell him about activities I was curious about. Sex with him included activities that caused pain. There was the bondage as well as the flogging. He once used a paddle with holes in them. Those paddles hurt a lot and the actions helped me realise I didn’t have a high threshold for pain.

There were a lot of things he was into that after trying out, I realised weren’t for me. He was into fire and blood play. He’d ash cigarettes on my body, run lighters over his skin, and use candles… The candles were the only thing I didn’t mind, and that’s when it’s done with low heat.

When he cut himself sometimes, the blood would make a mess. I wasn’t a big fan of being cut, but I liked to watch when he did it to himself. It was intriguing.

My earlier experience was very extreme. The things I did were considered extremities in the BDSM community, but that was my introduction.

RELATED: Sex Life: I Hated Sex Till I Discovered BDSM

How long did it last?

It lasted for about a year because I came back to Nigeria at 21. When I got back to Nigeria, I got reintroduced to someone I had known since secondary school but never really spoke to.

We met at a party and hit it off quite well. He was also trying to figure out what he liked as well, and we did a lot of exploring together. He didn’t know he was a dom, but he had a very domineering personality and was willing to explore a bunch of kinky things.

After facing extremes, I had gotten a good amount of information on what I didn’t like and what could be modified to fit my taste, but there was a lot more to figure out. I mean, I didn’t even know what kind of sub I was.

With this guy, we were both young and curious. It felt slower than the last one, but there was enough curiosity to keep us going.

At this time, what were some things you were sure you weren’t into?

The only two definite things I never wanted to try were age play and race play. I felt like with those two things, the lines can be very easily blurred.

How did you go about trying them out?

Parties. In my early twenties, I was still very active on Facebook and was present in a bunch of BDSM groups. They’d organise parties and sometimes to attend, you’d have to pay a fee. Not only that, but you’d have to share results that showed you didn’t have any STDs or STIs. During one of such parties, I met a woman who indulged my need to have unplanned sex.

Tell me about her.

She was not a constant in my life, and we had an off-and-on relationship from when I was 21 till I was 24 years old. I liked our relationship because it worked for us extremely well.

Explain “extremely well.”

My early twenties was when I explored the most, and she was responsible for it.

Having to plan sex made me very uninterested because I believe that sex is something that happens in the heat of the moment. Planning takes away the excitement.

So if I had a fantasy, I’d mention it to her and she’d do all the planning. The next time we see, it’ll unfold in front of me.

That must’ve been nice.

It was. I travelled to the UK at 24, so we weren’t able to continue the relationship we had.

Then at 26, I met another dom who was in his mid-forties. We met at another one of the sex parties. At the party, we chatted a bit and then linked up later to discuss boundaries and set up our agreement.

The relationship was the grounding point in my BDSM journey. He helped me discover I was a brat, schooled me a lot about the power that came with being a sub and helped me find a balance between the pleasure I wanted and the pain I liked.

With everything else I did when I was younger, I was inexperienced. He took me under his wing and made me more aware of myself.

Sounds like a mentor.

Exactly! A dom is your teacher and confidant. They look after your interests. That’s why it’s so easy for subs who don’t know what they’re doing to get abused and taken advantage of. There’s a lot of power you hand over to a dom. Anyone can misuse that.

RELATED: Sex Life: I Want to Dom a Man

What about romance?

It wasn’t a romantic relationship, just an agreement between two adults who knew what they wanted. We still talk but are no longer involved in that way. Mainly because I came back to Nigeria two years later.

Did you have another dom after him?

Yes, but it didn’t last long because he wasn’t exciting enough for me. Lack of excitement made me go kinda celibate.

Kinda celibate?

Well, I haven’t met anyone that excites me enough that I’d want to share my body with, but I also have needs. All the sex I’m currently having is with myself.

A lot of the people I’ve met in the Nigerian BDSM space are clueless or just experimenting. It’s not their fault. A lot of people are scared because of cultural, religious, and social biases against sex and sensuality.

However, I know what I want, and that’s to be more emotionally engaged. It’s interesting to me how what I’m looking for in a dom has changed over the years. Initially, I wanted someone strong-handed who would take charge of things and tell me what to do even though I’d fight.

Now, I’m more interested in someone that’ll engage my senses while they still have mental control. I want someone that’s completely invested in me as a person. Also, I’ve not been in the mental space to act as a sub for a long time. I feel like anyone who tries to come at me forcefully would have to fight me.

So, what will you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10?

The sex I’m having with myself? A 10. Sex with a partner? 0.

RELATED: Sex Life: I Was Celibate For Almost a Decade

Itohan Esekheigbe

April 23, 2022

Sex Life, Ships

BDSM, Sex, sex life
Sex Life: My Sex Addiction Made Me Have Sex In Strange Places

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year old straight man who talks about his battle with his drug and sex addiction, having sex in the oddest of places, and his plans for his first serious committed relationship.

Where was the first place you had sex?

At the Redeem Camp, when I was 16. A bisexual girl had come to the teen church community to look for her partner, who was in the community I was leading. We looked for her partner together over the campgrounds but didn’t find her.

She pulled me to one dark corner and kissed me while I fingered her. Then she sat me down on a bench, unzipped my trousers, lifted her skirt and sat on my dick. It felt like heaven. We were interrupted by a group of three or four boys. She went over to them and kissed each of them, deeply. I was so confused. She gave me her phone number, which turned out to be fake. I was dismayed.

LMAO. Redeem Camp though. That’s a weird place to have sex.

That’s not even the weirdest place I’ve had sex. I once had sex in an uncompleted building. Unfortunately, a couple of area boys who came there to smoke extorted me when they caught us.

She later told me that she had seen them coming but she was enjoying the sex so much she didn’t want to tell me they were coming. And I’ve not even talked about the time I got caught by a man with a mental condition while having sex in a building.

Wait. What?

He ran into us having sex in an empty school building and began to cause a scene. He then demanded that I suck her breasts in his presence and was very persistent about it. I offered to give him money before he calmed down and left. It was very awkward but getting caught was very thrilling for both of us, even though we were scared.

When I was in uni, my roommate suddenly became a pastor and stopped giving me privacy when I had women over. One time, he was banging the door while I was having sex and he came inside, despite me telling him that I was having sex. My woman said she was still horny, so we continued having sex with him right there, discreetly of course.

Ah.

I’ve had sex in the bathrooms of almost every popular Lagos restaurant I’ve been to, restaurants I probably shouldn’t name. I like having a quick fuck just after we’ve ordered our food. It gives my date an aura and her skin has this post-sex glow. You should try it sometime.

I’ll think about it. Why are you having so much sex?

I think I have a sex addiction. I guess it also helps that women always want to explore their sexuality with me. I offer casual, non-commital and great sex if I do say so myself. I used to be addicted to drugs. I always used pills, codeine and coke to the point where I couldn’t control myself. I hated myself during that period so I channelled a lot of that frustration into something I could control — sex. I have sex partners in every city I’ve been to.

It’s not like I’ve not tried to control myself. During my service year, I decided to stay in the Christian corpers lodge to reduce the temptation of having sex but I still found a number of people in the lodge to sleep with.

Sometimes, when I’ve not had sex at least three times a week, I start to feel very restless. I’d leave my office, take a walk on the road, meet someone and on many occasions, I’ve gotten to have sex with them that day.

Interesting. Have you been in a committed relationship?

I’m afraid of committed relationships. They’re a big headache and require too much work. I prefer to keep it casual. Still, I’ve casually dated many interesting women and I enjoy the rush of meeting different kinds of women. I’ve dated models, ex-strippers and very wealthy women, who are my spec. My current partner, with who I’m presently thinking of entering a committed relationship, earns almost as much as I do and that’s a major criterion for me in picking a partner.

How’s that going?

Amazingly. It’s amazing because we like similar things like BDSM. I’m planning on booking us a helicopter ride so we can enjoy views while I finger her. I’ll tell her to wear a short gown, no panties. Seriously though. I love her and I’m willing to make an effort into making us work.

Wow. Tell us more about BDSM.

I’m a big BDSM nut. I have a lot of BDSM equipment such as ball gags, kitten masks, studded leather chokers, paddles, whips, and handcuffs. I always restrain myself from buying more equipment before my room starts looking like Christian Grey’s. At least I get great reviews.

What kind of reviews?

I know I’m a great lover. It helps that I have some lesbian and bisexual friends and lovers who show me how to properly listen to women’s bodies and please them.

How do you handle sexual safety?

I run full panel blood tests for STDs and STIs every month. I also ask my partners that I have sex with without condoms to run regular tests. I used to take antibiotics regularly but my doctor warned that it was bad and could cause health issues so I’ve stopped that.

How would you rate your sex life?

A strong 8. The partner I intend to date ticks a lot of boxes for me. We’re going to have a great time.

Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.

Olufemi Fadahunsi

September 11, 2021

Sex Life, Ships

BDSM, sex addiction
Sex Life: I Hated Sex Till I Discovered BDSM

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 21-year-old straight woman who talks about being averse to sex for a long time, discovering that she loved BDSM through her ex and navigating sex with her current partner.

TW: Sexual Abuse

What was your first sexual experience?

The first was non-consensual. I was eight, he was 15. He was a family friend. I never spoke to anyone about it until recently when I told a few friends because I thought it was my fault. It instilled a fear of naked men and penises in me for a long time.

I’m sorry. How did that affect your sex life in adulthood?

I essentially became a prude. I even wanted to become a reverend sister. Nothing about sex appealed to me. I never even made out with anybody. One day, I realised that I couldn’t let what someone did selfishly control my life and stop me from living. It had gone on long enough, and I had to have sex.

What did you do?

I told the person I was dating then that I was ready to have sex. He had wanted to for a long time, but he never pressured me. He asked me several times if I was sure I was ready. It was easy because I was in love with this person and he was gentle. It was more about sharing the experience of sex with him than the act of sex itself. He let me take charge of everything — getting the hotel room, planning the day and all of that. I guess he wanted me to feel in control, and he made it clear I could back out at any time.

How was it?

I knew first-time sex wasn’t the way it’s portrayed in Hollywood movies, so I gave myself a pep talk to relax. When we got to the hotel room, we talked for a while and he didn’t make a move until I initiated it. It was initially painful and I didn’t enjoy it, but I think that was because I was too scared and anxious about sex.

What came next?

I broke up with my first boyfriend and I didn’t have sex for five months. Then I met this guy online. We instantly had sexual chemistry and although we hadn’t met, it felt like we’d known each other a really long time. Then we met up at a party. He had a striking but quiet face but his eyes told me that he was sinister. I would know because I’m sinister too. He’s tall, dark-skinned and intelligent, which are all things I’m attracted to in men.

There was a lot of sexual tension between us. He had this dom energy and that drove me crazy. He was due to travel out of the country for a few months, so we knew we had to fuck before he left.

How did that go?

We met at his apartment and whew, we fucked everywhere. We fucked in the room, bathroom, living room, balcony — all over the place. We engaged in BDSM and that was the moment I realised that I loved sex. It was so good that he delayed his flight for three days. He did things that still give me flashbacks till now.

Wow. What did he do?

He cuffed my hands, blindfolded and gagged and had me kneel in front of him for a few minutes which felt like hours, without touching me. Then he asked me to lie still on the bed and spread my legs with a spreader bar. At this point, I was shaking so badly out of anticipation and sheer horniness. The wait was killing me. I couldn’t move and that multiplied the sensation for me. There’s a difference between making love and fucking, and he fucked me ruthlessly.

We had so much sex that I fell sick after because my body was exhausted.

Omo.

It was more pain than pleasure. It was a different kind of sex that I didn’t realise I loved. Considering the fact that I had hardly had sex before that, I started craving it a lot and he was there to walk me through all my cravings. It was ruthless sex, the kind that was devoid of all emotion.

Whew. Then what happened?

He became my dom. We dated for eight months but that had to end because it was becoming toxic. There was a lot of shouting and yelling and crying. We dated off and on but kept getting back together because of the sex.

Did you sleep with other people after him?

A few but nobody was really measuring up to my ex-dom. There was this one guy I fucked that was really good but I blocked him after.

Walk me through your thought process?

I didn’t really expect the sex to happen but it did, and it was good. But that needed to be the end. He wasn’t really my type.

So what are you up to now?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now. Our sex is pretty great and he knows how to make love to my body.

I met up with my dom and had sex a couple of times after the final break-up. The last time was a few months ago. I couldn’t really help it. There’s like invisible, unexplainable chemistry between us.

What do you think would happen if you met up with your ex-dom now, considering you’re in a relationship?

Hmmm. Hmmmm. I can’t assure you that nothing will happen oh. We’re nothing but pencils in the hands of the creator.

LMAO. What would you rate your sex life right now?

I’ll give it a 9. We have great sex. He’s open to trying out freaky stuff and knows my body like the back of his hands. We fuck every time we see, which is almost every day. I’m content with it, but I still crave that disrespectful sex sometimes. I find myself comparing him to my ex-dom and I don’t think anybody can beat that.

Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.

[donation]

Olufemi Fadahunsi

August 28, 2021

Sex Life, Ships

BDSM, sex life
Sex Life: “I like to sleep with people in relationships”

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 20-year-old bisexual woman who talks about her initial struggle with the shame of masturbation, discovering her kinks and chasing sex fuelled by danger.

What was your first sexual experience?

When I was 14, Fergie’s “MILF” had just come out, and I was curious about what MILF meant so I went to watch the video and kept watching other suggested videos until I stumbled on one that had the word MILF in it. In it, an older woman was playing stepmother to a younger woman, and it was sexual. I continued down this rabbit hole until I got to a lesbian porn site. I was so intrigued. There was this particular video. Nothing has ever made me feel the way that video did. That was the first day I ever masturbated in my life.

So you knew you were attracted to women.

I didn’t know what I was then. I was in SS1 or SS2 at this point. I was still very religious — I was an usher in church. So you can imagine how the post-nut clarity hit me. I felt so much guilt. I deleted all the 15 videos I had downloaded that day alone. I just kept praying to God for forgiveness because they’d taught us in school that masturbation was a sin. I even took a chastity vow at some point.

A what?

A vow to remain pure for my husband, LOL. It was a whole production. They brought a guest speaker to talk to us about remaining virgins and how masturbation would make it hard for anything to satisfy us in our marriages.

That’s a lot to take in.

It fucked my brain up! They told us masturbators would become useless. Nobody wants to be useless.

So that was the end of masturbation then…

Not quite. After praying to God and crying about the sin I committed, it continued. I’d be going through my day and feel stressed. So it’s like, “Okay, I’m stressed. I know what relaxes me.” I ended up doing it two to three times a week.

When did things change for you sexually?

I was in an all-girls school battling with my attraction to women. You know how women can be very touchy-feely, so hugging and getting undressed in front of each other was not an issue. I was so stressed trying to hide how I felt. This continued till I was out of school, and I started to tell myself that I needed to start finding men attractive so that I could get married and make my parents happy.

I wasn’t even having sex or thinking about sex because everything I’d heard about sex was boring. Guy, girl, penetration… like what else?

Then the 50 Shades of Grey books dropped and curiosity would kill my cat again.

Great pun

You’re welcome.

I was in uni now. I googled 50 Shades after reading the book and found a lot of people bashing it because it was abusive and didn’t represent the BDSM community well. I followed more links and read up on BDSM, and I discovered something about myself that day…

What’s that?

I like iranu. I genuinely like nonsense.

LMFAO. So about this nonsense…

I first discovered that I liked degradation. Being degraded and being the degrader.

So like insort?

Yes, but at the same time, I had a praise kink. One time this guy I was talking to told me I was being a “good little girl”, and I swear my body had never reacted as violently as it did that day. I encourage my partners to tell me how good I am.

Keep in mind, all these were mild discoveries.

They were?

After degradation, I discovered I liked pain too. I linked with this babe once and while we were having sex she slapped me across the face. Hot slap. I was so turned on, I told her to do it again.

Something tells me we’re not at the end of this list of events…

I like danger. The more adrenaline a sexual situation gives me, the hotter the orgasm.
I met my girlfriend on Twitter. It was the first time I was seeing someone proudly put “lesbian” in their bio, so I followed and we got talking. The first time she visited me, we kissed. I knew my mother was home and could walk in any minute, but I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to see how far I could go.
Once I know I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing, my body gets a thrill. This is why I like to sleep with people in relationships.

Pardon?

All that sneaking around, I love it.

Have you ever gotten caught?

Well the last time, I wasn’t caught red-handed. In my defence, I met her when she was single. We used to vibe, she slapped me a couple of times, degraded me sometimes; it was fun. Then one day she springs on me that she has a girlfriend and asked if it would change things — it did not. If anything, it made me more interested. One day after I left her house she sends me a text and says her girlfriend passed me by the gate as I was leaving. This same girlfriend would catch us again with this babe’s hand under my dress.

How did that go?

She gave me the dirtiest look I’ve ever gotten in my life. But the story we told then was that her hand was under my dress because it was cold.

Did you feel some type of way about being caught?

Remember I enjoy being in these risky situations. There was even this one time I masturbated in front of a cross.

I-

I was staying with this Catholic aunt of mine, and I was alone at home. I wanted to masturbate on the balcony because I wanted people to see me — I discovered I liked being watched when I was at home, my windows were open and I got aroused from the thought of people watching me masturbate.

Anyway, as I was going to the balcony, I looked to the right and saw these pictures of Jesus. I asked myself, “Random strangers watching me, or our heavenly father watching.”

Let me guess. No guilt this time?

Nope! I was in such a good mood for rest of the day. I got such a high from doing it because it was something I wasn’t meant to be doing. But if myself of five years ago had seen me, she would have died.

Understandably. I’m curious about how your kinks have affected your relationships.

In my search for adrenaline-fuelled sex, I try to find the easiest ways to get it, and luckily for me, my first girlfriend was open to trying things. We did a lot of exploring without any judgement because we knew that even though I was being degraded or slapped, it didn’t extend beyond the realm of sex. All my initial sexual experiences were with women.

My current partner is a man, but it’s an open relationship. He’s on the asexual spectrum, so he’s not as open to trying things as I am.

If you had to rate your sex life out of 10?

Well, I did a threesome in May and had sex with someone’s partner last week. I’d say an 8.7 if we factor in the fact that I’m not having the sex I want to with my boyfriend. Exploring kinks with someone requires a level of trust I can’t share with someone I’m not in a relationship with. So this means that I don’t have sex as often as I want to in the way that I want to.

Edwin Madu

August 14, 2021

Sex Life, Ships

BDSM, Kinks, masturbation, Sex, sex life, sexual kinks
4 Nigerian Men Tell Us What It Is Like Being A Submissive
When most Nigerians hear ‘submissive’ in the context of a relationship, they envision a woman. However, this isn’t always the case. Many men are subs in the bedroom and many have embraced that and are living very happy sex lives. Over the past few weeks, I have spoken to several people I knew who were into BDSM and spoken to several Nigerian men on what it is like being a sub.

These are some of my favourite answers as well as some of the most insightful takes I got on what it is like being a Nigerian man and being a submissive.

Eric, 32.

I realized I was submissive totally by chance. When I started dating my ex, I didn’t have an inkling of the whole sub/dom thing and that a man could be submissive. Anyways, one day my ex kind of took control of the sex we were having, telling me what to do, and stuff. It was weirdly thrilling having someone else control what you were doing. It started from there and now I only like being involved with dominant women. For me, being submissive goes beyond the bedroom and BDSM and stuff. It’s in the woman telling me what to do, to stand up, to sit down, controlling when I am allowed to climax etc. Being dominated for me is great, it’s freeing to have someone else take control.

Patrick, 36.

I realized I liked being dominated pretty early but I didn’t go seeking it because of shame. Tell a Nigerian woman you enjoy being submissive and watch her face squeeze in disgust. Luckily, I went to Canada for my Masters and there I got to explore the BDSM as well as the sub/dominant scene. I was able to hone in on what it was I liked. In Nigeria, it’s hard because even the women who are dominant in Nigeria either don’t know they are dominant/don’t even know how to do it. Anyways, I found a small but thriving sub/dom scene in Abuja and that’s where I met my current mistress. For me being dominated is just the way my brain is wired. Away from the bedroom, I’m pretty dominant but in the bedroom, control me, demean me, everything.

Dapo, 28.

I kind of always knew I was a sub, to be honest. However, I didn’t know how much of a sub I was till a few years ago. I met someone who knew all the right buttons to press, all the right ways to push me. Part of the appeal of being a sub is doing things you know you shouldn’t do simply because you have been instructed to do them. I would stand while he is working and not look at him till he asks me to, I would wear what he wants me to, he dictated how sex works, when I’m allowed to climax etc. It’s so hot to me.

Bolu, 35.

I’m a switch, in that I can dominate and be dominated depending on who I am with. For me, it’s chemistry. I can be with a guy today and want to dominate and be with a girl tomorrow and want to be dominated. I go with the flow on everything and allow how I and the person’s chemistry flows to allow it to determine where we’ll end up. But I particularly like being submissive because I think it requires a level of trust and when you have that, trust and believe that the sex is going to be the bomb.com.org.
- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity and privacy.
Desmond

May 31, 2021

Man Dem

BDSM, Man dem, sex life, submissive
I Feel Like I’m Juggling Two Identities — A Week In The Life Of A Dominatrix

A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a dominatrix. She talks about juggling two identities, feeling guilty after satisfying her kinks and meeting interesting people.

MONDAY:

I’m lucky to have a very flexible schedule because I get to determine my day. The first thing I do when I wake up today is to run errands. After which, I do some chores and general housekeeping. It’s almost noon when I’m done, so I try to sort breakfast while also catching up on my unread notifications.

When I’m not running errands and being the perfect vanilla daughter, I’m a lifestyle dominatrix. This means someone who’s interested in the BDSM lifestyle not majorly for financial gains. What this means is that I get to meet interesting people and have interesting conversations.

Someone filled my Google form which I put on the internet for people to book a domme session with me. He dropped his number and asked me to call him. I found this weird because that’s no way to talk to a domme, especially seeing as he booked a session to be a sub. Anyway, I told him off and ignored him. He then came begging a few hours later and offered to pay for my time so I reconsidered him.

I had him upload his picture, his name and government-issued I.D card so I could do a background check [aggressive Google search] on him. His background check came back clean and we moved on to the next stage which is paying a tribute —any amount between ₦5,000 and whatever amount you can afford — and having a conversation.

While talking to him, he casually let it slip that he was in his early fifties and that sort of freaked me out and excited me. I’ve never been with anyone that old before. Because of work, I had to stop texting him but I couldn’t stop thinking about his age — what makes a person in their fifties seek out this kind of thrill?

TUESDAY:

The first message I wake up to is from my newest fifty-something-year- old submissive.

Him: Do you do drugs?
Me: The occasional joint here and there.

Him: No, I mean something stronger like cocaine.

Me: ….

In my head I was like wait a minute… but I shrugged it off.

He went on to ask me for the cost of a session with me. I gave him two options: name-calling and punishment for 2-3 hours at ₦50,000. Or pegging and other unique kinks [like body worship, foot worship] the client might have at between ₦100,000 – ₦150,000.

We settled on name-calling with a little twist and agreed to link up tomorrow. With that out of the way, I spent the rest of my day both lazing about and preparing for tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY:

I don’t want to talk about what happened today because it feels weird saying it out loud. I got to the agreed-upon venue and we spoke for over an hour. I asked him about his kinks, his fetishes, medication history, and whether he was on any medicine. After our conversation, I went on to get wine drunk and he brought out cocaine.

I was like…okay.

I went into Domme space and he went down on his knees into submissive space. He asked me to cuff him, whip him on his dick, and call him mean names like slut, whore, dirty slut, dog. He also had me alternate with endearing names like little puppy, Mommy’s pet.

The weird part was that he kept on doing cocaine all through this so he was very bright-eyed and manic throughout our session. I was a little bit nervous, but I had to keep things in control and use my Domme voice to issue commands to him.

When we were done, he ended up paying me more than the agreed amount because, in his words, “I did a great job.”

I was so tired from the intensity and novelty of the experience that I just went home to crash.

THURSDAY:

I’m experiencing dom drop today, so it’s already a bad day. Being a domme is like getting high; you have people pay to talk to you, people who want you to call them names and people who want to worship you. I’ve had someone offer to pay me ₦25,000 to worship my feet before, but I digress.

Being a domme is intoxicating, but coming down from that space and facing the mundaneness of real-life can be jarring. It’s a whirlwind of negative emotions that can go on for days where I’m in a weird space feeling things intensely.

I sometimes spend the whole day feeling guilty for living out my kinks, mostly because of how strange, “shameless,” and unconventional they are. Other days, I have to tell myself that what I’m doing is okay and I’m not hurting anyone.

The guilt is five times more intense today because of how wild yesterday was. However, I’ve decided that I won’t feel anything and I’m going to try retail therapy. I turn on my laptop and browse through Ali Baba so I can buy new kits/gadgets to enable me to live my best domme life. I browse through the different kinds of whips and paddles – studded, ribbed, made of leather, wood, plastic. I also look at some blindfolds and ropes. I land on a page with extreme gear like CBT gear (cock and ball torture), electrosex kits, and a chastity cage (where the Mistress holds the key). Finally, my joy is complete when I land on lacy material for my domme outfit.

My day no longer looks so bad. Fuck you, domme drop.

FRIDAY:

It’s wild that I’ve been reading and fascinated by the dominatrix experience since I was a teenager and I didn’t get to explore it till 2019. I was talking to a friend and the conversation somehow got sexual and boom, we realised we had similar taste in fetishes and kinks. The next month after the conversation I found someone who wanted to be a sub, and here I am now.

I feel like I’m juggling two identities and it has been difficult balancing both. I’m vanilla in adulting activities in the sense that I don’t swim, I’m scared of heights, I can’t drive, and I don’t ride bikes. Alternatively, I’m also not vanilla because I have kinks, and fantasies of my sub slaves doing my chores and running errands for me. Sometimes I feel like the domme part is taking over but I try to hold my life together. I show up when I need to, I tell the friends that matter to me about my kinks and I generally put one leg in front of the other.

I’ve also come to the point where I’ve accepted that I’m a bit of a paradox and that the domme side is here to stay. I’m just focused on being a baby girl and enjoying myself as much as I can. After all, I’m 23, I live with my parents, and I have my whole life ahead of me.

Last week, I wrote about a full-time housewife. Someone was so touched by her story that they sent a washing machine to ease her burdens. Thank you guys for your continuous show of kindness.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

[donation]

Hassan Yahaya

April 20, 2021

Hustle

BDSM, domintarix, domme, fetishes, hustle, Kinks, Nigeria
9 Nigerians Talk About Being Into BDSM

BDSM is an umbrella term for any activities under Bondage, Domination and Submission, and Sadomasochism. A lot of people still consider it unconventional sex, so we got 9 Nigerians to talk about their active participation in BDSM.

Ada, 24

I have a daddy kink I think I got into it in secondary school. Honestly, I didn’t know it was a thing but I always liked the idea of having someone to take care of me. I don’t like regular relationships where people don’t “talk” or aren’t accountable for the other party’s feelings. When someone fusses about what I eat or wear and gives me lots of attention, I really like it. I like the idea of being a sweet baby girl with a daddy who loves me. The daddy in question is obviously not my biological father.

I got deep into it in 2018 after my last ‘normal’ relationship. I had one man that said he was into being a daddy, and would always tell me that he loves me and send me money. He loved watching cartoons, so we would stay up talking about stuff we liked, but he was married so I had to ditch him. I didn’t want sex at the time, I just wanted hugs and affirmations. Just the rush of hearing your partner say “Daddy loves you” feels so good. Knowing that someone is there, the person really gets you and would do anything to make you happy is what I really like about it. I’ve tasted what having someone who loves me like that feels like, I’m not going back to the ghetto.

Nkechi, 21

My ex would do things and ask if I enjoyed them. It started from choking, using ropes, hard spanks etc. I enjoyed it, so I kept exploring whenever I could. I read about things, watched videos and had discussions before hand so I eased into it. Now, I can say I’m into bondage, dominance (I’m a Switch), gagging, humiliation, masochism, voyeurism, role play, whipping, nipple clamps. The basics.

With being a brat, I love to be tamed. In every day life, I get away with a lot of things or have control. So, that being taken away from me is a huge turn on. I’m also a pleaser so satisfying my dom makes me feel fulfilled, and I like being called a good girl. With being a dom, I love my pets being obedient and trusting me with themselves and their pleasure. It’s all a mental thing that makes the sex experience more intense and pleasurable. I’ll like people to understand that it’s not about just slapping, pain and all that. There’s respect, understanding, and the necessity of consent. It’s also not dehumanizing.

Tope, 21

I had actually always wanted to try bondage and submission. I saw it in porn and I knew this was something I wanted, but I never got to do it until this year with my current partner. She’s bolder than I am, so one day she asks me if she can tie me up. I was so excited about it, but I tried to not show it. I’ve been abused a lot sexually, and sometimes I used to feel guilty for not being able to stop it. Before, I didn’t really used to enjoy sex because it was so triggering for me, but doing this makes it easier to enjoy myself. It makes me feel liberated, because even though I’m being submissive I know I’m in control of that situation.

Zainab, 19

Honestly, I do not think I can explain why and how I got into BDSM. All I do know is that it has been a very interesting journey that has led to me discovering new things about myself. When explaining my roles, I usually say “I am a bratty masochist switch with a degradation and praise kink”. Basically, I like being punished by dominants when I don’t listen and I like being degraded and praised. I am also a bit of a pain slut and a huge masochist; the more pain you cause, the better.

The only things I know I cannot try are piss play and scat, but every other thing is fair game. It gives me a sense of control regular sex does not give, and I love control. The biggest misconception people have of BDSM is that they base it off of the rubbish in Fifty Shades of Grey. Consent and safe words are very important, especially if you do a lot of scenes. Also, never forget aftercare.

Kunle, 30

I am a little over 6ft tall with a little bit of muscle, so people project a lot of expectations on me. Sure, I can be a bit threatening when I have to, but I do not like to. During sex, I like to submit and be used. It makes it easier for me to just relax and free myself from stupid societal pressures. I would really like more men to test their submissive side. It is not all the time alpha male, sometimes, tell your woman “yes, mistress.”

Amaka, 20

Well, I found out about BDSM from the erotica novels I read. I did research then I eased into it as a sub, I even had a dom. After a while we separated. So as of early last year, I went through some stuff that made me start taking charge of my life. I discovered that I want to take charge everywhere, so I threw myself into more research and found out that I was actually a switch. Temperature play is actually my favourite. It is something I like doing to my subs, and having done to me. Although it can be quite extreme sometimes, it is worth it. Very few things in BDSM come close to temperature play in terms of thrill and anticipation.

Jane, 23

Actually, I got into it organically, it wasn’t like I planned to. I like to tease the men I’m having sex with and one day I met one that seemed different. He understood that I was teasing him because I wanted to get punished so yeah that’s how we did some Consensual non consent (CNC). We kept going, I took a BDSM test online and tested 100% positive for being a submissive, brat, and also a degradee too. Because of this, we decided to not just have a FWB relationship but also a dom-sub relationship. It’s being good so far, and I’m really enjoying the lifestyle. People always think BDSM is about flogging, which is why I think anyone who wants to go into it should communicate with whoever they are doing it with. In fact, they should always communicate.

Cynthia, 24

I heard BDSM was a therapy for abuse and was curious, so I found a professional BDSM coach and I went through light and dark therapy as ways to build trust and communication. The dark therapy is discussing your triggers, and it could cause flashbacks, that’s why it’s called the dark therapy. Learning to communicate, willingness to try sex, the autonomy to give consent is the light therapy. It worked out well, and I got over the fear of having communication. I now have autonomy over my body and understand the entire concept of consent.

Ibrahim, 28

If there is one thing BDSM taught me, it is a lot of self control. If you are into edging and orgasm denial, then you will learn a lot of it. Being so to the edge but not being allowed to just tip over can be a very exhilarating experience. I figured it out during a lot of “private time”. I would purposely deny myself an orgasm because when it did eventually happen, it felt even ten times better. Giving up control of your own pleasure to another person is something I think everyone should try at least a few times.

For more sex life stories, please click here

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

January 6, 2021

Sex Life

BDSM
6 Household Items That Can Double As BDSM Equipment

So if you’re looking to get into BDSM but can’t afford the proper equipment because they’re super expensive (or can afford them but don’t want to order because you don’t want a delivery man giving you side-eye), here 6 household items you can use to substitute for BDSM equipment.

1) Using pankere/koboko in place of a riding crop:

Do you get pleasure from being flogged? Why don’t you ditch the riding crop and settle on a pankere or a koboko (a.k.a the hydra)? Examples of other things you can use are turning stick for eba, pestle, spatula etc.

2) Using a belt to choke yourself.

Are you into autoerotic asphyxiation (i.e. choking yourself so your orgasms can feel better)? Then let your belt do the work so both your hands are free to furiously beat your meat.

3) Groundnut oil in place of lube.

Need to shove comically large objects up cavities comically large objects shouldn’t be shoved up? Need lube to ease the process but don’t have any? Then mosey on down to the kitchen and get some ororo. It’s slippery and should get the job done.

4) Using clothes pegs in place of nipple clamps.

Granted, one is made of metal and the other is made of plastic. But they pretty much do the same thing.

5) Using a deodorant can as a dildo.

Enough said.

6) Those ropes people use to dry laundry in place of handcuffs.

Yes, your wrists are gonna chafe harder than the thighs of a fat person wearing khakis in hot weather, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

June 8, 2020

Inside Life

BDSM, Nigeria, satire, Sex