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Behind every great Barbie, there’s a Ken. But before you can be the neck to your Barbie’s head, you need to know that you’re kenough.
Here’s seven ways you can be the Kenest Ken to ever Ken the surface of the earth.
Dye your hair blonde or pink
It’s widely known that a newly-done hairstyle boosts confidence. To 1000x your kenergy power, the first ken-essential is to handle how you look.
Stop jumping from one relationship to another
Stick with your Barbie and be her best Ken ever. Changing partners as frequently as Nigerian politicians change their mouths will not give you the satisfaction you seek. You might be the problem here, dear.
Watch Barbie in the cinema now
Even though peer pressure has no control over you, have you thought this can be the last Barbie movie ever, Mr. Hard Guy?
To fully grasp why you should be like Ken, you have to watch and experience him on film.
Wear colour pink once in a while
Mix things up. Is it everyday you’ll be doing black-black like you’re a member of Isakaba?
Try to meditate
Find some quiet, kneel down and do some soul searching in the corner of your room. Maybe some minutes of that daily will help you refocus your chakras and kenergy. If you have to play a sound, find meditation playlists online, not every time afroadura.
Look into therapy
Always treat your personal issues before jumping into relationships. You’re not too grown to see a shrink. In fact, the longer you hold out, the bigger the trauma you’ll have to unpack later. If you don’t pity yourself, do it for Barbie.
Sometimes put yourself first
Omo, you need to wake up and realise you’re 001. There’s no award for being Black Jesus. Barbie knows this and will never miss a chance to tell you:
It’s the season of Barbie, and all shades of pink and pastel. On July 20, 2023, Nigerian celebrities appeared as “Barbies” and “Kens” at the Filmhouse IMAX Cinema in Lekki, Lagos, for the premiere of arguably the biggest movie of 2023.
From James Brown to Kie Kie, these popular personalities dressed up and showed out as different versions of the iconic Barbie doll.
Summer Barbie
DJ TGarbs chose to channel a foreign season but with a tropical spin on it, of course. This barbie is ready to be outside all August long.
Classic Barbie
Simplicity is the sauce of Hilda Baci. She gave the long pastel gown her own twists, adding a gown with puffy arms. Hilda ate.
Malibu Barbie
This is what we call soft life Barbie. She looks like she whoops while Ken drives her convertible.
Radical Ken
“Come in pink” but this bro said no. Maybe Sheggz saw this random doll photo somewhere before he headed to the venue.
Kie Kie showed up like a Barbie straight out of the 11th century, but in a pink and thigh-high slit that’ll put Ken in a chokehold.
Cowgirl Barbie
Tomike came prepared for a rodeo. Glamorous in her cowgirl outfit straight out of a scene in the movie. Complete with a buttoned vest and boot-cut pants, she really ate.
Barbie Wannabe
Yes, the Princess of Africowwww was inspired by Barbie. But this still wasn’t a hit.
Barbie miss-road
Why is “blown-blown” tied to her body like a wrapper?
Corporate Barbie
The pink + orange colour combination is proof that variety is the spice of life.
Last night was the Nigerian premiere of the Barbie movie, and if there’s one thing Nigerian celebrities like, it’s a themed event.
So, make way for the Barbies and Kens of Nigeria, from the ones who ate their looks up like hot jollof rice on a Sunday afternoon, to the ones that should’ve neatly folded their clothes and left them at the back of their wardrobe.
Tomike
Tomike looked like she just stepped out the plastic casing of a My Western Barbie. She really gave that one student that’ll be playing while everyone else is reading and still end up at the top of the class.
Barbiemetre: This Barbie ate and left no crumbs.10/10
Hilda Baci
Hilda decided to give us princess Barbie, and came through with it. While everyone else were hell bent on serving variations of Barbie that would shock Barbie herself to the core, Hilda and her train swept everyone away in this classic Barbie look.
Barbiemetre: 9/10. She looks like an angel in this.
Nonye Udeogwu
If baddie Barbie and corporate Barbie had a child together, it would look like this. From her hair to her clothes and purse, you can tell she came ready to serve effortlessly. Not in a “you must collect” way but in a “you don’t have a choice but to take it” way.
Barbiemetre: 8/10
Papeeyah
He came, he ate, he slayed. The entire outfit is cute because it’s Ken. It doesn’t look like he thought about it too long or too hard. He just looks free and comfortable, and that’s really what Barbie is about.
Barbiemetre: 8/10
Dj TGarbs
This Barbie is a baddie. She didn’t do too much or try too hard, and it’s really giving peak Lagos Barbie.
Barbiemetre: 7/10
Emeka Nwagbaraocha
The fit could’ve given retro Ken if that hat didn’t look like the one Osuofia wore while he was roaming London.
Barbiemetre: 6/10 because this Ken has containers on the high seas.
James Brown
I understand their look was inspired by an actual Barbie, but something about the way it all came together looked a complete mess.
Barbiemetre: Barbie gave them expo, but they said, “Not today”. 5/10
Bella Okagbue
I appreciate that her team did a little research, but if this was an exam, she’d be the ITK that still got a C because they didn’t read the instructions. The look was inspired by a doll alright, just not a Barbie doll.
Barbiemetre: Her team did a little research, so A for effort. But it didn’t turn out as they planned, so F for 5/10.
Kiekie
This dress looks like it started off good. The tailor had a vision to make Kiekie into a Barbie warrior knight, then half way through, they decided to switch to princess. And now, we have what we have.
Barbiemetre: 4/10
Sheggz
Iif he was going to his end-of-the-year high school party, then he would’ve been the best dressed. But this is Barbie’s day, and instead of looking like a good nice Ken, he looked like he missed road to another event.
Barbiemetre: 3/10
Ebun Dosunmu
After staring at this outfit for a good 30 minutes, I’ve finally realised the wisdom in it. She came dressed as all the balloons your parents blew up for your seventh Barbie birthday party. Innovative, but please, let’s save all this for the AMVCAs, so we’ll actually be prepared for it.
Barbiemetre: A strong 3/10 because I’ve just realised she has no shoes on.
Salem Mumin
It’s giving Barbie fairytopia, except Salem is not Barbie. She’s one of the villains Barbie’s fighting against.
Barbiemetre: 2/10. We don’t stan Barbie’s haters here.
I spoke with some Nigerian women about their experiences with Barbie dolls growing up, and one of them had questions like, “Is Barbie’s love for pink a curse from a witch? Who are her parents.” Basically, what is the Barbie origin story?
I also wanted answers to this, so when a chance to watch Greta Gerwig’s live-action film on premiere day — before it officially showed in Nigerian cinemas — dropped in my laps, I took it.
30 minutes into the delicious burst of colours that popped on the screen, I knew Greta didn’t mean for us to get carried away. My questions were replaced with new ones that made me ponder on gender equality and the world right now as it is for women and men.
Unlike Barbie Land where women can just BE, this is actually what the real world is like.
ALERT: Some spoilers ahead
Men are the star players
Barbie and Ken’s first real encounter with the real world shows a sharp contrast from Barbie World that leaves them puzzled. She’s particularly distraught that men had most of the physical jobs, and there were hardly any women in sight.
Does this sound all too familiar? Like a place you know that actually exists? Exactly.
Where are the female CEOs?
Even though Barbie’s creator is female, the production company that makes the dolls is headed by a male CEO and male-dominated board. Shocked, Barbie asks for the CFO, COO and other top executives, hoping to find at least one female in these positions. She soon realises that women aren’t given a fair chance in the real world, and it’s far different from the Barbie Land utopia where there’s even a President Barbie.
Welcome to the real world, Barbie.
The world wants to put women in a box
Writer-director, Greta, makes an interesting play on women being kept in a box and expected to do just as they’re told. Barbie had a mission she took a trip to the real world for: Find the doll version of herself and fix what’s broken. But there, Mattel’s CEO tells her to step back into an actual toy box that would send her back to Barbie World. In the box, she realises what’s at play, pleads for a bathroom break and escapes.
Does this remind you of a woman you know?
Women are held to unrealistic beauty standards
Sasha, the human who owns the doll version of Barbie in the real world, renders a moving monologue to get her out of a depressive state. She wonders why women should be thin but not call it thin. it should be called healthy. She points out how women are expected to stay pretty for men but not pretty enough to tempt other men and cause problems for the women in their lives. Sasha stresses how women are expected to stay selfless and give every ounce of themselves. She says the world expects women to bend backwards and beyond so that they can be liked. In fact, the expectation heaped on women is so bad that it’s also the case for a doll representing women.
No lies told Sasha. It’s hard being a woman in a world that just wants to take and take and take.
In summary, patriarchy rules
Barbie World Ken had one mission before his trip to the human world: Get noticed by Barbie. But sweet boy Ken discovered patriarchy in the real world and had the motivation to bring it to Barbie World. When he returns, he etches a hostile takeover, renames Barbie World Ken’s World and convinces other Kens to rise up with him. In Ken’s World, Barbies who were engineers, doctors and scientists take on submissive roles like waitresses, housewives and girlfriends.
Cue the unending arguments and think pieces we’re still having in the almighty 21st century on the topic of women submitting to men.
Men will go to war for control
With help from other Barbies, Stereotypical Barbie (AKA Margot Robbie) hatches a grand plan to take control of the Kens and restore Barbie World. They do this by turning the Kens against each other. Eventually, the Kens go to all-out war, bringing to mind some of humanity’s craziest wars, where men are at the bottom, top and centre of it all.
While we’re still hoping and praying to have a partner as loving as Ken is to Barbie, these men have graduated from the school of Ken and are loving their partners right.
Louis in The Men’s Club
One thing’s for certain, Louis has fully accepted that he’s just Ken, and Lola is everything. Doesn’t matter what happens, what she does, or what hoops he has to jump through to make her happy, he’ll do anything to put a smile on her face.
Kevin in Isoken
Kevin was always just happy to just be around Isoken, it didn’t matter if they were dancing, hopping kekes to Balogun market, or listening to Fela. He was willing and ready to try anything, as long as he got to do it with her.
Tunde in Flower Girl
He put aside everything to help Kemi get her man back. Tunde was determined to help her keep her happiness, even if that meant watching the woman he loved fawn over her idiot of an ex.
Mide in Skinny Girl in Transit
After a long list of badly behaved men, Mide stepped into Tiwa’s life. At first, it was a little rocky, but he understood fast that he couldn’t do life without Tiwa. Now every time we see them on screen, Tiwa has a big smile on her face, and he looks like he’s astonished by his good fortune.
Dimeji in Love is War
Obviously, Dimeji graduated from the Ken School of Supportive Partners with distinctions. The man supported Hankuri and her ambitions, even when that meant he had to take the back seat. He just wanted to see his queen shine in every way she could.
Deji in The Royal Hibiscus Hotel
This Ken walked into that hotel with a plan- buy it, sign the papers, and leave, but he saw his Barbie and all previous plans came to a halt. Deji was so in love with Ope he didn’t just pause his plans, he tweaked them completely and ended up buying the hotel in Ope’s name.
Nonso in The Wedding Party 2
He was obviously in his K’element with Deidre. From the unplanned, in the moment proposal, to seeing how happy that made her and actually going through with the wedding preparations. No one has Ken’ed more than Nonso.
Barbie and Ken have been together since we were kids. So obviously, he’s doing something right. Here are all the Ken-tributes your partner needs to have if you want them by your side for a long time.
They’re in awe of you
They marvel at every single thing you do, and look at you like you hung the sun, moon and stars.
They do anything to make you smile
Not just because you have a great set of teeth and they love to see it, but also, because they’re really happy when you’re happy.
They support all the silly little things you do
Nothing you do can ever be stupid, at least, not in their eyes. You could decide to use a spoon to fill a bucket with water, and they’d cheer you on the whole time.
They’ve already promised you their ₦8k palliative
Are they really your Ken if they didn’t think about you the second Tinubu announced free money?
They have a tattoo of your name and a little necklace with your initials
Not because they want everyone to know they belong to you but because it makes them feel like you’re always near. But also a little bit of the first.
They’ll never Kensplain anything to you
They know no one can ever know everything. So on those off days when they need to help you understand something, they’ll do it with love, not like you’re the bane of their existence and the object of all their annoyance.
They have that Kenergy
They’re always just happy to be there for you. It doesn’t matter if all they’re doing is watching you watch a movie. They’ll do it like you’re a record-breaking blockbuster, and they’re in an I-max cinema hall.
With the highly-anticipated Barbie movie coming out soon, we get to see what it would be like for Barbie to live in the real world. But what if Barbie was a Nigerian living in Nigeria?
She’d have “first daughter” wahala on her head
She’s the first daughter of her parents, which simply means she’ll have a shit ton of responsibilities, and everyone would want to have a say over her life, but she’s Barbie. They can talk all they want, but she’ll do what she wants anyway.
Nigerians: Barbie, this isn’t how women should behave.
Barbie:
She’ll skip primary 5 & 6
She’ll be the smartest person in every room she enters, so her parents would make her take common entrance in primary 4. She’ll pass with flying colors, and then her daddy will try making her take GCSE in JSS3, but her teachers would beg him.
Barbie’s daddy: I want my baby to do GCSE in primary school.
Barbie’s teachers:
She’ll always be in school
Barbie would get her first professional certificate in SSS 1, and that’s how it’ll start. She’ll get a Bs.c, an Ms.c, a Ph.D and a shit ton of professional certificates on anything she can find, including one in Library Science, all before she turns 24.
She’ll intern everywhere she can
Not because the money is good (she probably won’t take money) but for the pursuit of knowledge.
[Barbie gets another internship]
Iya Barbie: Everyday internship, every time internship, why?
Barbie:
She’ll be very popular and have one leg in every squad in Lagos
She’ll go to Chibyverse and have to make more rounds than Chiby himself because everyone knows her, and she has to dance with them all.
Her parents would have her first, then 3 others, 10 years down the line
So naturally, she’ll have to take care of her siblingsthe fruits of her parents’ labor.
Her Ken would be a jobless trust fund kid
Ken’s only job is to be there for Barbie, and he needs money and connections to do that. This is Nigeria.
[Ken meeting Barbie’s parents]
Daddy Barbie:
Ken: I take care of Barbie
Daddy Barbie:
Her parents wouldn’t approve of their relationship
They won’t like Ken for Barbie and would try setting her up with someone else every other weekend. She’ll go, and the men would end up telling her their life story and crying in her arms.So she’ll pursue a degree in psychology because why not?
Greta Gerwig’s highly-anticipated Barbie movie (which stars Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling) hits the cinemas in a couple of weeks and the promo has been on steroids.
You might be wondering why Nigerians should care, but Barbie dolls were quite the big deal for Nigerian millennials as kids, so we chatted with some Nigerian women about it, and here’s what they had to share.
“Is Barbie’s love for pink a curse from an old witch?” — Stella*, 30
I’ve been a Barbie fan-girl for as long as I can remember and my mum indulged me. Most of my birthdays growing up were Barbie-themed; everything I used, down to my school bag, lunch packs, plates and cutleries at home were all connected to Barbie. I started to outgrow it as I got older because I couldn’t get the real gist about the doll. With Disney princesses like Rapunzel, Snow White, Cinderella, etc., the storybooks told you about them, but with Barbie, there wasn’t a solid origin story I could hold on to. As I got older, my love for Barbie was replaced with the Disney girls. I’m mad excited about the Barbie movie though. Hopefully, I’ll get answers to questions like who Barbie’s parents were, for example, or if the love for pink is a curse from an old witch or something.
“I moved on from my Barbie after getting a glass doll from London” — Lore* (late 20s)
I had a Barbie doll as a kid but I don’t remember her name again. I fed her, backed her, plaited and even washed her hair with shampoo. I eventually outgrew my love for the doll because my brothers would always bend and contort her arms and legs in odd positions. I also had this glass doll that my grandma bought for me from London that was more valuable in my eyes. It was made of glass and was very fragile, so I was only allowed to play with it during school holidays while supervised by an adult. The novelty of this other doll added to me outgrowing my love for the Barbie doll.
“Our househelp used to cook and buy snacks for my dolls” — Hadiza*, 28
I can’t remember if we had Barbie dolls as kids, but I know we had dolls. At least my younger sister did, and we the agbayas used to have naming ceremonies for them every weekend. Our house help then would cook rice and buy sweets, back when it was still five for ₦5 (good times!). Used to love it. I’m seeing the Barbie movie everywhere now and I’m indifferent. Could be fun to watch sha.
“I need to ask my mum what she did with all of my Barbie dolls” — Daniella*, 25
The details are fuzzy now but I know I used to have parties for all my birthdays as a kid, and this meant getting lots of presents. I used to get Barbie dolls every other year. I eventually had a collection of Barbie dolls with different outfits, hair and accessories. I remember it was something my friends and cousins used to look forward to whenever they came to visit. We would play parents, feed and bathe the dolls. My 10th birthday party was Barbie-themed. I remember the cake and how a lot of my friends turned up in cute, pink dresses. I don’t remember what happened to the dolls but this upcoming Barbie movie has gotten me thinking again. I’ll have to ask my mum what she did with them.
“Barbie dolls weren’t common in Ogun state” — Bimbo*, 29
Growing up, I had an obsession with dolls and it wasn’t just Barbie. I didn’t know about Barbie dolls for the longest time because you just wouldn’t find them at the toy stores we had in Ogun state where I grew up. What we had was what people call “baby Kingsway” which were regular locally-made dolls. I’d like to watch the Barbie movie sha, let me see what all the noise is about and see if I’m going to indulge my daughters.
“I don’t recall owning a Barbie doll even though I really wanted one” — Kemisola*, 30
I really wanted a Barbie doll when I was little although I don’t recall ever owning one. I just had the regular dolls and they came in different colours. My grandma and nannies would make clothes for the dolls, and some of them came with extra clothes in the pack. I remember having a family friend whose daughters had several Barbie dolls. They always looked sophisticated to me, so different from the colourful plastic dolls I used to have. But by then I was older and it didn’t make much sense to be pining over dolls.
“My parents were convinced dolls could easily be possessed”— Ada*, 28
Growing up, I didn’t like dolls and I think it stemmed from the fear I had for the Chucky horror-doll movies. It scarred me and I just couldn’t look at dolls the same way. My parents also made it worse because they were convinced that dolls had some sort of connection to the spiritual realm and could be easily possessed. Even as an adult, I still don’t know how I feel about dolls and don’t think I’ll be indulging my kids.
Barbie isn’t just a beloved doll, she’s a doctor, a fashionista, and on some days, a kick-ass actress bringing life to our screen with these sick soundtracks.
The Barbie Diaries
In this movie, Barbie navigates junior high and all the drama it brings. She’s finding herself and using her music as an outlet. So while she’s going through a rollercoaster of drama and emotions, we’re getting great rock and pop music that sounds like they’ll feel right at home on any chart.
Icon level: 10
Notable listen:
Barbie & The Diamond Castle
This movie is all about everything Barbie holds dear: friendship, singing and fighting for freedom. Liana and Alexa use music and the power of their friendship to rescue their new friend from a magical castle. The plot is great and all, but the music is what’s really incredible.
Icon level: 9
Notable listen:
Barbie as The Island Princess
Ro gets shipwrecked on an island as a baby and sings for the entire movie. She sings on the island, she sings her way out of the Island, she sings on the ship out of the island, and she sings on the mainland. She sings a lot, and honestly, the only reason she’s getting away with it is because the songs bang HARD.
Icon level: 9
Notable listen:
Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper
This Barbie movie said, “One Barbie is great, but two Barbies?”
Barbie, as Annalise and Erika, sings her heart out on every single song. They both feel a little caged and have decided to sing their way through the problem, which is a very Barbie thing to do, if we’re being honest.
Icon level: 8
Notable listen:
Barbie and The Three Musketeers
Barbie became a musketeer just to remind everyone one more time, that if there’s one thing she’ll do, it’s fight. Whether it’s for what she believes in, or to protect others, she’s ready, pink dress, heels and all.
Icon level: 7
Notable listen:
Barbie as Rapunzel
All Barbie had was a magical paintbrush, a purple dragon and her voice. She had to fight for her freedom from an evil witch of a woman (again), and I honestly don’t remember how I sat through this as a child because, for some reason, it scared me shitless.
Icon level: 6
Notable listen:
Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses
Barbie and her sisters spent the entire movie fighting a wicked woman who was trying to stop them from dancing, singing or doing anything that made them remotely happy (you know, the usual). But the five seconds wheb they got to be happy and twirl and harmonise were really good.
Icon level: 6
Notable listen:
Barbie in The Nutcracker
It’s the first Barbie movie ever made, and it was great, but the songs didn’t have that sing-along thing other Barbie soundtracks have. The music from this sounds magical and felt like it was made by angels, but 22 years later, and you won’t hear anyone humming along to “The Sugar Plum Princess”.
If you spent your entire childhood playing with Barbie dolls and dreaming of living in her dreamhouse, then none of these should be new to you.
You and your friends had this cake every birthday
Was it really your birthday if you didn’t get a cake with a Barbie princess sitting boldly at the top of her icing dress?
This Barbie flip phone had to be in every party pack
Apple and its competitors could try, but they’d never take the place of this flip phone and the joy you got from hearing “Ay ay ay. I’m your little butterfly” come out of it.
You had the Barbie school bag and lunch box
The ultimate a status symbol, and even the parents knew it.
You got a Barbie dream house for Christmas
Christmas wasn’t really Christmas if your parents didn’t present the Barbie Dream house to you in all its glory.
Gasping at Barbie’s pixie dust transformations
Barbie was such a huge fashion icon that just changing clothes wasn’t enough for her. She had to transform into a shinier dress amidst a twirl of intense pixie dust.
Barbie’s blue and purple wearing sidekicks
If you spent the better part of your childhood watching Barbie go on all her adventures dressed in pink, you’d remember she almost always had two friends who were always in blue and purple.
Those tiny Barbie brushes
Who needed life-sized brushes when the tiny little ones that came with the Barbie dolls were pinker and cuter?
In January 2016, Mattel, the manufacturers of the popular fashion doll, Barbie released the doll in new and diverse body sizes and colours.
Although the conventional Barbie doll remained a part of the debut, the other dolls were aimed to represent all the different forms of girls around the world.
As commendable and brilliant as this debut is, some demographic of girls still remain unrecognised.
This Nigerian lady after stumbling into the Barbiestyle page on Instagram got inspired to give the doll a new look.
Haneefah Adam is not only a medical scientist but also a Nigerian lifestyle blogger and modest fashion enthusiast.
Plans to make the doll available for sale are currently in the works as Muslim women around the world are excited to buy these dolls for their daughters.
In spite of the negative Islamophobic comments, Hijarbie stays slaying.
