avocado

If You Don’t Like Any of These 10 Foods, You’re Bad Vibes

Every day, people just wake up and expose their lack of taste to the whole world unprovoked by slandering great-tasting, perfectly fine food. Today, I’m taking a stand: I’m here to tell you that if you don’t like any of these ten foods, we need to question your taste buds.

Oats

If you don’t like oats, you simply lack imagination. Oats are such bad bitches that you can do so much with them. You can make oatmeal and throw in nuts, seeds or even fruits. You can make oat cookies. You can even blend oats to make smoothies with bananas, peanut butter, and milk, or add oats to yogurt to taste the good side of life. Enjoyment!

Avocado

Maybe avocado slander was once cool, but now it’s just forced, please. There are so many ways to enjoy avocado: on its own, with bread, in dips like guacamole, etc. It’s so multi-talented that it’s great for your belly, your hair and your skin. Never take food suggestions from anyone that doesn’t like avocado.

Greek Yoghurt

Thicker and creamier than regular yogurt and slaps your mouth even harder than agbalumo. If Yoruba Demon were to be a snack!

Pap

I can draw a straight line from people who dislike pap to people who don’t know how to prepare it.

Golden Morn

The closest meal to Cerelac that we had back in the day when life was easier and we had no worries. How can you hate nostalgia?

Amala

I’m saying this as someone who once hated amala. I now realized that I only disliked it because I was eating it with abula (ew, because what is beans doing with swallow?). Amala with good old ewedu and that pepper stew is life. You need to open your mind.

Dodo

Why? How can you even hate the king of sides?

Wheat Bread

See, this is the only food on this list I can entertain skepticism about. I too have mixed feelings because very many bakeries get it wrong. It’s kind of like agbalumo — you need luck to find a good one. And once you find it, never let that brand go. Wheat bread typically takes some getting used to, but once you do, you’re in for the good life.

Zobo

Zobo saved our lives back in university — along with egg rolls. But now you people graduated and you think you’ve outgrown Zobo? Smh.

Boiled yam

People who slander boiled yam stress me out. How can you boldly proclaim to the world that you don’t have taste? Please, check out these 10 things you can do with yam and uplift your taste buds please.

Ama Udofa

February 13, 2022

Chopist

akamu, amala, avocado, Bad vibes, Dodo, Food, golden morn, greek yoghurt, Oats, pap, wheat bread, zobo
What Avocado Eaters Think They Are vs What They Really Are

Avocado eaters think they have special powers because they eat the most boring and unassuming fruit in the world. They indeed have special powers because one would need a superpower to eat such a fruit (if it’s even supposed to be called a fruit).

This is what avocado eaters think they are:

1. Cool

It’s the joke of thinking they’re cool for me. Avocado is the least cool fruit there is, and we are indeed what we eat. There’s no way you’d eat avocados and expect to be cool in real life. It’s not possible.

2. Adventurous

Ofcourse, you’re adventurous if you constantly eat avocados. You like to do what normal people won’t do. Always willing to take one for the team. Well done.

3. Spontaneous

To be very honest, there’s no way eating avocados makes anyone spontaneous. People who eat avocados think about their actions for hours before and after they do it. There’s nothing spontaneous about that.

4. Avocado eaters think they have advanced taste buds

This is indeed the funniest one. Which advanced taste bud is comfortable with the taste of the blandest fruit in the world? There’s nothing advanced about your palette o, you should instead be praying for God to heal your taste buds.

5. Potential chefs

You’ve surely seen an avocado eater put avocados in meals and places it shouldn’t be (including their mouths). They’re always coming up with creative ways to make it a more edible fruit. A lot of them have convinced themselves that they’re great chefs because of how often they’ve tried to help an avocado be sweet.

6. They think they’re the healthiest people in the world

Avocado eaters thinking they’re the healthiest people in the world is very debatable sha. Are you sure it’s the avocado that’s making you healthy and not the condiments you constantly have to complement it with? Avocados can neither do good nor bad all by themselves and we all know that.

I’m particularly worried about people who eat avocado and also enjoy semo. You guys need to call a therapist.

Ibukun

February 12, 2022

Chopist

avocado, avocado slander, Food
6 Ways To Eat Avocados

If you are a fan of avocados, this one’s for you. Here are six different ways to eat your favourite fruit. Don’t worry about the naysayers, just eat your thing and be happy.

1. As a smoothie.

Photo: All Nigerian Recipes

To make it, you need the following ingredients:

a. 1 avocado

b. 1 ripe banana

c. 1 tin of evaporated milk.

d. 2 tablespoons of Quaker oats

e. Whole milk.

Here’s a YouTube video:

2. With salt sprinkled on it.

You can also add some pepper too. Or a dash of olive oil.

3. As a salad dressing.

This one has to be for people who have A LOT of love for avocados.

4. As ice cream.

Truly we serve a living God. Avocado Ice-cream pic.twitter.com/EI3WdaagR3
— Kai Olelengis (@Gichy_) November 16, 2020

If your taste buds like some form of experiment, then this flavour was made with you in mind.

5. Added to eggs.

All you have to do is dice your avocado into small bits, then sprinkle the bits on your scrambled eggs when they are halfway done.

6. As a substitute for mayonnaise and butter.

Simply slather it on your bread and munch away.

Or you could simply stop eating avocados.

Kunle Ologunro

December 12, 2020

Chopist

avocado, avocado and scrambled eggs, avocado salad dressing, avocado smoothie, avocado-flavoured ice cream
7 Foods That Need To Really Step Up Their PR Game

PR is necessary — it is the only one thing that can make or mar a food’s reputation. And this is such a time where people can carry on a food slander without actually tasting the food itself. So, these foods need to do better if they don’t want to be wiped out of existence or become culinary pariahs.

1. Avocado

The PR for this one is a cross between good and bad. Half the time, you see people who argue that it is the best thing and some others who fight for it to be cancelled. Girl, rise and defend yourself.

2. Isi ewu

This one has good PR. But the wooden bowl they serve it in is a scam. It better change its game before the secret is discovered.

3. Gbegiri

This one is hiding under amala and ewedu to feel good. Weyrey dey disguise. Something that people will soon start abandoning when they see that it is a dependent soup.

4. Starch

This sweetheart is not blowing its trumpet hard enough and it’s upsetting me and my homegurls.

5. Bounty.

Personally, I love Bounty. I like how it is one thing on the outside and another thing on the inside. But the chocolate itself needs to hire itself a good PR manager so I don’t have to keep hiding my face when they ask Bounty eaters to come out.

6. Semo.

This one’s reputation is in the trash already. It will take a miracle to revive it. Here’s our interview with it: Interview With Semo: “My Slander Is So Forced”

7. Pupuru.

There’s very little that is known about this Ondo delicacy and I don’t like how this information is being withheld from the public. I tried pupuru once and my life was never the same.

One year ago, we left Nigeria for an 80-day adventure across West Africa. Something is coming. Unshared stories. New perspectives. Limited series. 10 episodes.

Kunle Ologunro

September 25, 2020

Chopist

avocado, bounty, gbegiri, isi ewu, Pupuru, semo, starch