Aunty Z! | Zikoko!

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and all the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

In this episode, Aunty Z! has one thing to say and it’s “Leave him.” You’re too big, hello?????

Dear Aunty Z!

I’ve been in a relationship for more than a year. I’m still a virgin but I masturbate often. The problem is my boyfriend tried to rape me one time but he’s sorry about it. We make out but I’m so scared to have sex. He faults me sometimes and says I don’t like him as much as he likes me. I like him, but I’m scared and I think I would love to have sex when I feel safe in a relationship.

-Frances, 23, female

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Frances,

Leave him. He tried to rape you and it means he can try it again. Especially since he’s now trying to guilt trip you by talking about how much you don’t like him.

Sex is okay but I don’t think there’s anything in particular you’re missing especially since you masturbate, so you’ve got the orgasm part covered. If your partner can’t respect the fact that you’re just not up to it, then they should be your ex partner.

-Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!

I met this guy online and we’ve been together for over a year. We were flowing through texts and calls. On his birthday, I managed to get a cake to his house through some thorough searches and still gave him a gift when we met physically. Almost a month later he asked that I be his girlfriend but called it off after 6 days. We still talk and act like we have a relationship, because he doesn’t want me with other guys and he says he likes me.

On my birthday, he didn’t call. He only sent a text like I begged for it, but I went all out on his birthday. All the times we’ve gone out, I foot the bills and I give him gifts but he never reciprocates. I always want to stop talking to him, but he always comes saying he’s sorry and doesn’t want me to leave him. I honestly don’t know what to do.

-Princess, 21

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Princess,

Leave him. He doesn’t want you to be with other guys but he doesn’t want to date you? He didn’t even call you on your birthday? He’s always begging but never showing changed behaviour? Baby, this man wants to be in a relationship and on the streets at the same time. Leave him on the streets.

Both of you want different things out of this, and I feel like he just wants to be able to have someone. One day you’d ask him why he doesn’t do certain things for you and he’d tell you “Am I your boyfriend?” and he’d be right, because he’s not. I don’t want you to get heartbroken or embarrassed. Tell him you don’t think it’ll work out, if he comes begging, air him. Let him find who can want what he wants.

–Love, Aunty Z!

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Aunty Z!

January 23, 2022

Ships

Aunty Z!, relationship advice, relationships, Ships
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

In this episode, Aunty Z! gives advice to to a 23-year-old male virgin, and 19-year-old who is in a dilemma with a man twice her age.

Dear Aunty Z!

I’m 23 and I just want to get laid. I don’t want to have any relationships, just steamy hot fok every other day with someone’s daughter.

All my guys think I’ve gotten laid, and I just want to get it over with and stop lying and spinning tales about one night stands that happened only in my head. How am I still a virgin at 23? How?

-Ziggy, 23, male

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Ziggy,

Being a virgin is not a terrible thing. Society has made it seem like men must have sex every day and that’s bullshit. It’s sex, not hot Amala – which I recommend for consumption every day.

However, I can understand how you feel. There’s the need to just get it over with, but that kind of pressure can lead to you not even enjoying yourself.

For hot fok to happen, Here are two options. First one is to actually find someone that’s interested in a friends with benefits relationship. There are many young women who just want to be tossed and turned like semo inside pot – no strings attached. The second option is to hire a sex worker if you gave the extra cash. They provide a service, you get your hot fok, and they get paid. It’s good for the economy.

–Best of luck, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

Thank you to you and everyone who advised me. The man is actually is in 40s and he loves showing money off as he is super rich, I’m about to block him but the problem is he has sent me money and it would be like I’m running away so I think I’ll explain everything to him and ask him to send his account details then block him. My friend is the one who pushed me into this because she is enjoying the money and gifts, I’m so disappointed that I even entertained it in the first place, maybe it’s because I’m lonely.

–Kella, 19

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Kella,

You’re absolutely welcome. It’s what I’m here for anyway. If giving him back the money will make you feel better, I’m all for it. Also, please don’t beat yourself up because you entertained his advances. Everyone likes to feel special once in a while especially if you’re constantly lonely. I know I do.

Now, this your friend that is introducing you to men twice your age because she wants to enjoy money and gifts, is her name Slickback? What kind of pimp behaviour is that? Abeg, it’s the new year. You can join scissors twitter and cut her off, or at least put a little distance. New friends will not only be good for you, but they’d help combat the loneliness you feel. Try making new friends online, in school, around your neighbourhood. Making friends is not as hard as people think. It’s consistency, proper communication, and a “Hi, my name is Kella and I think we’d be good friends”.

–Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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Aunty Z!

January 16, 2022

Ships

Advice, Aunty Z!, relationship advice, Ships
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

In this episode, Aunty Z! gives advice to a woman whose boyfriend blames her for his premature ejaculation, and a 19-year-old who is being pursued by a man twice her age.

Hello Aunty Z!,

My boyfriend and I went to Ghana for the holidays and two weeks into our stay he started complaining of body pains. I went online to look for a masseur in Accra and I saw one that I liked.

After I spoke to the person on the phone I decided to text him on WhatsApp so we can discuss more. During our discussion, he asked for my picture saying he wanted to know who was booking the massage so I sent him one of my pictures then he sent me a picture of his dick. I know I was supposed to reprimand him, but I didn’t and that was it. I cancelled the massage session.

Five days later, he sent me a text when my boyfriend and I were lovey-dovey. The message was that he sent my pictures to one of his clients and the person liked me. He then proceeded to ask if I was available for hookup. When my boyfriend asked who was texting me, I lied. I said I didn’t know the person and that was it.

Yesterday, when my boyfriend and I had sex, he ejaculated early. He said I gave him an infection and that’s why he came early. I got angry and started shouting. He said he saw my messages where I booked an appointment, sent my pictures and the person sent me his dick pictures. He said I’ve slept with Ghana boys and now I’ve infected him. Aunty Z, I’ve been trying to prove my innocence and he doesn’t want to believe me. Please Aunty Z, does an infection cause quick ejaculation? P.S I don’t have an infection.

–Lily, 20

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Lily,

One thing I want you to understand is that the man who sent you his pictures without your consent, harassed you and I’m sorry that happened to you in the first place.

Now, as for the infection, if he’s so sure you gave him one, why don’t you both go to the hospital and get tests done? At least that way if someone actually does have an infection, you’d know what kind and can get medication for it. I genuinely think he’s ashamed of the fact that he came early and is trying to shift blame. Premature ejaculation happens, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

In as much as I think a lot of this is not your fault. I also think you shouldn’t have lied to him in the first place. You should have let him know from the onset about the entire situation. If you had carried him along from the moment he asked who was texting, he wouldn’t have been too angry to see reason.

I hope this works out and he gets a solution to his premature ejaculation problem. He can try sexual enhancers.

–Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

I met this man at a conference that I accompanied someone to and he collected my number from my friend who was with me. He texted me and we started talking, but he is older than me by like 20 years and he is married with kids, they don’t stay in the same city where he works and I live. We arranged a date and it was alright, we got to know each other better and he was direct and asked how I feel about polygamy.

I’m worried because he is married and I’m scared to enter polygamy and the age thing again. I’m only talking to him because no one is serious with me and he is like the only serious person.

–Kella, 19

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Kella,

You’re 19. As much as you’re an adult, there’s no reason why at your age, you should be with someone that much older. 20 years older than you means he’s 39. What exactly do the both of you have in common?

My love, I’ve been where you are. I had a terrible history of taking attention wherever I found it, and I found it a lot in the hands of older men. It hardly ever ends well, and I don’t want to see you hurt.

Also, is his wife aware that their marriage is polygamous? Would you really want a situation where you get “married” to him and his actual wife and his family members start bullying you? If he wants a second wife, he should find his age mates.

You’re too young to be stressed by things like this. There will be more serious people, and they’d be age-appropriate. Don’t entertain this man Kella. Just block him and move on with life.

-Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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Aunty Z!

December 26, 2021

Ships

Advice, Aunty Z!, Relationship, relationship advice
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

In this episode, Aunty Z! talks to a lady that plans on cheating and another one who doesn’t like the fact that her boyfriend is a swindler.

Dear Aunty Z!

I just started having sex. It is penetrative sex with one guy but I don’t particularly like it. I do it just because it makes the guy I’m sleeping with feel happy. I’m not sure if I like him or just like the fact that he likes me.

There’s this other guy I like and have been considering sleeping with, but I don’t want to get attached. I feel like I should explore more before settling into a relationship with my current fuck buddy. He isn’t open to an open relationship situation (pun intended). What should I do? Should I proceed to explore my sexuality behind his back?

– Kaycee, 21, female

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Kaycee,

Regardless of the reason, dishonesty isn’t the best option. I encourage people to explore themselves sexually in a safe and healthy way. Safe meaning in a way that’ll minimize any of your contact with STDs or STIs. Healthy means in a way that doesn’t damage anyone’s mental health.

Your fuck buddy has made it clear that you can’t with other people. So, leave it. I mean, the sex isn’t great and you’re not even sure you like him? What’s the point then? Find a partner that also would like to open up the sexual relationship. You get to explore and you might find someone you actually like.

Go into the world and don’t forget to stay safe! Condoms and regular STD and STI testing is important.

Take care of yourself.

-Aunty Z!

Hi Aunty Z!,

My boyfriend is a swindler. I love him but I don’t like what he does. I broke up with him because of that, and with an unspoken agreement, we are back together again. What should I do? I’m also a virgin and I don’t want to have sex before marriage. He wants it though. I mean, he’s been a celibate cause of me. What do I do too?

–Purple, 23, female

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Purple,

I love the name you chose. Purple is a very pretty colour. Now, I think this is a very clear case of being with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you. In your case, it’s prevalent in two parts.

I believe that if there’s a part of your partner you dislike enough, it’ll lead to a break up. If you come back together and that thing is still present, it’ll lead to another break up. as long as your boyfriend is still a swindler and you don’t like people that swindle, then you’d never really be happy.

Also, in the situation of virginity, one of both parties has to come to a major compromise. Either he continues being celibate, or you start having sex and you don’t sound like someone that wants to start having sex without being married first.

I think both of you should call it quits and actually stay broken up this time. You clearly both want different things out of the relationship. I advise is that you find someone with similar values as you.

-Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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Aunty Z!

December 19, 2021

Ships

Advice, Aunty Z!, relationships
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

In this episode, Aunty Z! helps a woman navigate trying to get rid of a crush, and talks to another about the need to love short men.

Dear Aunty Z!,

I really don’t have relationship issues as I’m a single pringle. I’m just curious to know who you tell your issues to if you’re here fixing everyone’s issues? Oh, I have a crush on this guy that doesn’t want to go away. It is super annoying and I’m really over this feeling, but the feeling is not even shaking.

–Athena, 26

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Athena,

I see you worrying about me. You’re sweet. Don’t worry, I have many people to talk to – in this Zikoko compound alone, dem plenty. Now to the reason we’re gathered here today: your crush.

Girl, those things are stressful. Trust me. You will be on your own, they will cross your mind or text you and all of a sudden your body will start doing gbim gbim. It’s the worst.

Here, I’ll suggest two things: you can tell him how you feel – I know you’re thinking “is Aunty Z! trying to kill me?” Maybe. I’m kidding, but you never know what could happen there. The worst thing he can say is that he doesn’t feel the same way. You chop your L and bounce.

The other thing, which I personally think is what you’ll go for – try and create some distance between the both of you. I don’t know if you work together or you are friends, but it may be necessary to create some kind of mental and physical distance. So maybe not communicating with them as much or when you think about them, try to distract yourself with some other activity (e.g. take a bunch of Zikoko quizzes and read our articles, my dear you will almost forget this person exists). That said, you could also just wait it out. It’s a crush and those things don’t usually last forever. You’ll get over it soon enough. If you’re not over it by New Year’s, message me, I will call my baba, and we’ll make this a spiritual situation.

–Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

I finally found someone perfect but he’s short. I love him a lot and he treats me really well, I’m not just sure about navigating a relationship with a short man.

– Aunty Z!

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Hello,

So last week, it was someone claiming to be my ex. This week, it’s someone who is impersonating me? Identity theft is a very serious offence, but I’d let it slide this time.

If I’m getting you correctly, you found someone perfect for you. As in, in this Nigeria where everyone’s head touches frequently, you found someone whose own brain touch complements yours. He also treats you very well and loves you as much as you love him. Babe, with all the breakfast they’re serving outside, you found something good and the problem is that he is short? Haba nau. Come off it. Our short kings deserve love too.

If it was that his height stopped both of you from being intimate, then that’s a huge issue, but what makes navigating a relationship with a short man hard? It’s the same way you navigate every relationship. With honest conversation, love and trust. Does his height make him any less of a man or do you think that taller people are better partners because they are closer to heaven? What will his being taller change about your relationship?

I sense that some of this may be due to some external pressure or narrative that as a woman you must be with a man that’s taller than you. I’m here to tell you that height doesn’t mean shishi. You’ve checked off the things that matter – mutual love and respect – so why are you giving yourself a headache? My darling, please love your short man and love him well. Don’t let society’s warped ideals ruin your chance at a good thing.

– Love, the REAL Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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Aunty Z!

December 12, 2021

Ships

Advice, Aunty Z!, Relationship, relationship advice, short men
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

For this episode, Aunty Z! talks about healing from breakups, moving on, and how to evade a babalawo’s curse.

Dear Aunty Z!

There’s this friend I look up to . She’s been so cool and has really helped me improve myself. Recently, money was stolen from her room when I was there and now she’s giving me an attitude because she thinks it’s me. I didn’t take the money, but she keeps talking about bringing a babalawo into the matter. It’s not supposed to catch me because I didn’t do it, but I’m still scared. What should I do?

–Ola, 17, female

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Ola,

I think it’s time to add “spiritual consultant” to the list of things I do. First, you need the egg of a virgin tortoise, then palm oil from your village. Then on the night where the sun and the moon meet… I’m just messing with you.

With my somewhat manageable knowledge of babalawo doings, they might ask you to swear. If you swear and you’re innocent, nothing will happen to you. However, I don’t think you should be doing any swearing and that “friend” is definitely not a person you should be around anymore. Surround yourself with people that trust you, and will believe you when you say you didn’t steal money.

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

I’m not able to get over my toxic ex. I like someone right now but I can’t get into a relationship because I’m not over my ex. I’m dealing with trust issues and I’m recovering from manipulation and gaslighting.

–Kiki, 18, female

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Hey Kiki,

So, getting over people is no easy task, but it can be done. I feel like you’re rushing trying to get over your ex because there’s someone else already present, but you have to take your time. Slow and steady because this love thing na marathon, no be sprint.

One thing I recommend is asking yourself the difficult questions. You can journal or record some of the things your ex did to you, and reevaluate the entire relationship. Then in situations where you feel it’s absolutely necessary to get clarity, you need to do it from a safe distance. Many sisters —myself included— have fallen for the trap of going to get closure and ending up naked on the bed. Shine ya eye.

You can also try crying and screaming lyrics to heartbreak songs with your friends. There’s no one way to recover from a breakup, but just make sure it’s a healthy way that allows for you to process the emotions you feel. Lastly, teach yourself to notice signs of manipulation and gaslighting so that if it happens again, you dip early and save yourself a lot of heartache.

–Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

[donation]

Aunty Z!

November 28, 2021

Ships

Advice, Aunt, Aunty Z!, Relationship
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

Today, Aunty Z! gives advice to a man in love with two women, a woman who stopped enjoying sex with her husband, and Stanley from last week who has some more things to clarify.

Dear Aunty Z!,

There’s this girl that I liked a lot a few years ago, let’s call her Ella. When I made a move back then, she was in a relationship and didn’t like me that way. Some months ago, we met and it’s safe to say it was love at that sight. Now she’s single and we’ve been seeing each other for a while now. We really love and want to be with each other.

The problem now is I’m currently in a long-distance relationship. I still have feelings for my babe and I feel it’ll hurt her real bad if I leave her to be with someone else. I’m in a dilemma and I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been seeing Ella and our feelings for each other just keep growing, and that has taken a toll on my relationship.

Ella really wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her but now she’s running out of patience and I understand that. I don’t want to rush and make hasty decisions based on emotions. I don’t want to lose Ella (again), but honestly, I also don’t feel like it’s the right time to call things off with my babe yet. Please, I need advice.

Jared, 23

Click here to send Aunty Z your relationship problems

Dear Jared,

It seems you want to eat your cake and have it. You somehow want to keep your current girlfriend and continue seeing Ella. Haba na.

You say you don’t want to hurt your girlfriend by leaving her to be with someone else, but you’re cheating on her. I don’t think she’d enjoy being cheated on either.

I want you to weigh your options. Sit down with yourself and list all the reasons staying with your girlfriend will be a good idea, and then list all the reasons why giving this relationship with Ella a chance is a good idea. If you choose your girlfriend, you have to let her know about Ella and then she’d decide if she wants the relationship to continue. If you realise that being with Ella is what your heart wants, then you should call things off with your girlfriend immediately. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who has one leg out the door.

I wish you the best of luck in whichever relationship you decide to pursue. Let me know how it works out for you.

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

I am no longer sexually attracted to my husband. He does not turn me on at all. I am not even interested in making any effort anymore, I just lay there and let him finish.

I buy lube a lot. I am not going to deny him every time just because I don’t feel a thing no matter what he does, nor do I want to get hurt while he is at it. I get irritated when he tries to touch me anywhere because it’s simply a waste of both of our times, he just doesn’t turn me on.

I wasn’t like this when we got married 6 years ago. He was a virgin, I wasn’t. The very sight of him turned me on back then. I would seduce him in crazy lingerie, wake him up with blowjobs, walk in on him in the washroom and fuck him mindless. He was a lazy lover even then, no imagination, or initiative. I think I got tired of trying to get him to be more sexual than practical and I became numb somehow. He could walk around me now with a hard-on all day long and I wouldn’t feel anything but a slight irritation.

I don’t know why I am writing to you. Perhaps I want a solution? Outside this, we’re both great, I think. He’s sexually miserable for sure, and keeps talking about how I have changed.

Eni, 31

Hey Eni,

I know what it’s like having a lazy sexual partner, and it can be absolutely frustrating when you know there’s a potential for amazing sex, but they’re not just putting in the effort.

It seems to me that both of you realise there’s a problem with your sex lives. He thinks you’ve changed, and you feel he’s not doing enough to excite you. You used to enjoy seducing him and all the fun things you came up with, but you got tired of doing all of the work. You should bring that up with him, and also tell him the kind of things you like. Think back to the top five sexual experiences you’ve had. What made them so great? Why not recreate some of those scenarios.

I think your solution is quite simple. Remind him that sex is not something done to you, but something both parties are meant to enjoy. With what you’ve described, it sounds like he’s using you as a sex toy, and that’s not what we want.

His laziness means he didn’t have a chance to explore you and what you like, so tell him you need more of that. Also, don’t throw out the lube. You’d need it, especially if things go well. You can never have too much lube.

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

It’s Stanley again. Thank you for your advice. I just wanted to add some details and provide some clarity. The man she’s in love with is the one I want to shag with her. I suspect he’s bi because he registers strongly on my gaydar and the last time he came to visit because my wife is the godmother to his first son, he reached out to embrace me and almost kissed me. It’s not officially open because she’s in denial about her feelings for him and it caused a row for a while when I found out and confronted her. So now she’s very careful and I am waiting patiently for a slip. A conversation won’t work because she would simply deny her sexuality or emotional love for the other guy. Another way would be to initiate a threesome with the guy and see where it goes. Any tips?

Stanley, 35

Click here to send Aunty Z your relationship problems

Hey Stanley,

Thanks for writing back. First things first, your confidence in your gaydar is admirable. But even though, Stanley. Even though. I still think it’s not that simple.

Also, something about “waiting patiently for a slip” feels like we’ve entered weird territory, my friend. This situation is starting to feel unhealthy for the both of you.

I’m for the idea of suggesting a threesome because at least you guys will talk, but I think you need to not press on about her loving this guy. Try as much as possible to create a safe enough environment for a conversation about her emotions or sexuality.

You should also be okay with letting this go. It’s a possibility and something you should consider.

Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

[donation]

Aunty Z!

November 14, 2021

Ships

Advice, Aunty Z!, relationship advice, relationships, Ships
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

Today, Aunty Z! gives advice to a bisexual married man who wants to open up his marriage and sleep with his wife’s friend and a straight man who is in love with a lady in his head.

Dear Aunty Z!,

My wife is emotionally involved with another man. He’s also married and they love each other. I also suspect she could be bisexual too as she has a [female] bestie I think she’s been sleeping with. I want an open marriage and want to have sex with her and her male friend. How do I go about it? Is it advisable?

– Stanley, 35

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Stanley,

There’s a lot going on, but that’s why I’m here. The koko of this matter is that you need to talk to your wife. I’m assuming you married someone you love and respect. I also assume she trusts and listens to you. If that’s the case, then all your problems can be solved with a conversation — or several, but it’s all worth it in the end.

But come o Stanley, if she’s in love with this man and you’re aware, it seems you already have an open relationship no? Regardless, communicating with your partner is the first thing to do when you have these things that you are worried about.

Lastly, you would like to sleep with your wife’s friend, but does he want to sleep with you? We have to be sure of these things because they are still serving breakfast out in these streets. Sure there’s no shame in shooting your shot, but Nigeria is homophobic and I think discussing with your partner first will help you decide if you really want to take this kind of chance..

When you’re talking with your wife, you can bring up your sexuality. If she’s bisexual, don’t expect her to open up immediately simply because you did. Once again, Nigeria is homophobic and people need time. I hope this helps and do keep me updated.

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

Hello, I’m in kind of a quagmire. I’ve been dating someone for 3+ years now, she’s beautiful, nice and hardworking and she loves me. I love her also but deep in my mind I know I won’t want to spend the rest of my life with her.

There are some red flags here and there but honestly they could be overshadowed by her good side, despite this, I still don’t see us being together forever. The issue of marriage hasn’t come up though, she knows I’m still finding my feet even though I have a good job. She’s employed too but we don’t talk about getting married soon.

She thinks we’re getting married though, I honestly can’t explain why but I just don’t love her enough to go all the way and I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t know what next to do and its not like there’s someone physically who I’m considering as her replacement. It’s a mental image instead, the ideal person for me is in my head and I’m madly in love with that person who ticks all the boxes for me. What’s the way forward?

– Dru, 24

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Hello my lovely,

About this marriage thing, I think you should let her know. With relationships, there doesn’t always have to be an end goal, but it is important that throughout we treat our partners with love and respect.

You should let her know that marrying her is not in your plans. That allows for you both to decide the next step in the relationship. Do you continue dating each other because you enjoy where you are at right now? Or do you go your separate ways because you both want different things? The conversation will help you feel a lot lighter, no matter what the outcome is.

As for the dream woman you hope to meet, the hard truth is that there’s nobody 100% perfect for you. People might have one or two things that might not really do it for you, but you have to decide if those things are worth leaving the person for.

It’s okay to have a fantasy person in your head. I have one too, and it’s one of the many traits of a hopeless romantic. Just don’t let that imaginary person stop you from having great relationships right now.

Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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Aunty Z!

November 7, 2021

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Advice, Agony Aunt, Aunty Z!, Relationship
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

You can send your questions to Aunty Z! through this form.

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Aunty Z!,

I’m in love with my best friend. He’s straight and he knows I’m into guys, but he’s only ever been supportive.

I hate that I have feelings for him because it feels like I’m betraying our relationship. Why can’t I be friends with a straight man without falling for him? What kind of cliche nonsense is that?

I’m wondering if I should tell him how I feel or I should just shut my mouth and keep my feelings to myself. They are starting to eat me up inside, but I’m scared of losing the friendship if I tell him.

What should I do?

– James, Male, 25, Gay

Dear James,

This is a tough one. Unrequited love is a stinking thing. Trust me, I know. We can’t control who we have feelings for, and that can be quite exhausting. But the truth is that telling your friend how you feel might not help either of you in the long run. However supportive he seems, he is a straight man and cannot feel the same way you do about him, no matter what you say or do. He can only share your burden which might be too heavy for him and the friendship.

It’s easier said than done, but there are two ways you can go about this. You can try to create a little distance between the both of you. It may be hard but sometimes “out of sight, out of mind” does wonders. The second thing you can try is just accepting that you love this person in the way that you’re capable of and they love you in the way they can. Those two ways don’t match but that’s just how life can be sometimes, my dear.

I’m so sorry you are in this situation, but hang in there, feelings come and go and what that means is that you could wake up in a few weeks and there’s another sweet young man in your life who likes you like you like him. Make sure you write to me then o!

Love,
Aunty Z! .

Click here to send Aunty Z! your relationship problems

Dear Aunty Z!,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months but he has never acknowledged our monthiversary (I know it’s not that big a deal though). On my birthday, he didn’t get me a gift, but I got him one during his birthday. I did that as a way of showing him that I love a little effort. He just said, “Thanks,” like it was nothing.

It’s a long-distance relationship, but he never makes an attempt to come to see me, call me — voice or video — or even text me.

I feel alone in the relationship, and I don’t know how to tell him. He asked me out himself and has acknowledged that we are in this relationship, but he isn’t putting any effort and that’s pissing me off.

Would it be wrong to ask him if he really still wants to be in the relationship?

— Cherry, Female, 19, Straight

Dear Cherry,

I’ll start by saying, if a monthiversary is a big deal to you, that’s totally fine. It’s not ridiculous to expect your partner to understand the things you love and make some effort.

From what you’ve written, you clearly really like your partner (because if you don’t none of this stress is worth it, honey). With love sometimes, you have to teach your partner to love you. It’s a lot of work. It’s work you need to decide if you want to do or not.

In the event that you do like this person enough to do the work, sit them down — I know it’s a long-distancelong distance relationship so maybe you guys can do a date over Zoom or something — and tell him the things that bother you. Let him know how much you like birthday gifts and how you would like him to show more effort with your relationship, because not calling or texting you sounds quite problematic.

At the end of the day, this will be your decision to make, but I do think that after telling your partner the things you’d like from them, they should, at the very least, make an effort. If he doesn’t, then it may be time to let that man go.

Write to me again after you’ve had the conversation. I really hope it helps.

Love,

Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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Aunty Z!

October 31, 2021

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Agony Aunt, Aunty Z!, Ships

Dear Aunty Z!

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Dear Aunty Z!,

I’m in love with my best friend. He’s straight and he knows I’m into guys, but he’s only ever been supportive.