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  • The Most Effective Ways to Avoid Aso-Ebi Billing

    The Most Effective Ways to Avoid Aso-Ebi Billing

    Aso-ebi — or “and co” or “uniform” — isn’t a bad idea on its own. What’s not to love about wearing colourful ‘fits that also serve as your full pass to party jollof and owambe souvenirs? 

    We’ll tell you what’s not to love: the cost. Sure, society says buying aso-ebi is a show of support but should you really be buying ₦80k aso-ebi with how bad the naira is crashing? Even bread is going on strike, these days. 

    Avoiding aso-ebi billing is an art, and here’s how you can do it:

    Don’t have friends

    Hear us out: If you have zero friends, who will disturb you about buying their wedding aso-ebi?

    Accuse your bank

    Take a page from Anna Delvey’s book and just say Emefiele has frozen your account because you didn’t get a credit alert for 60 days. 

    Blame your family

    “My mother said her pastor told her that I must not wear the same clothes as anyone else.”

    “We don’t wear blue lace in my family.”

    RELATED: 7 Situations That Make Nigerians Extra Religious

    Turn off your WhatsApp read receipts

    So you can always read and ignore any attempt to make you part with money in this Buhari era.

    Say you’re busy that day

    “Oh, your wedding is on the 5th? Chai. My dog’s vet’s neighbour is burying his dog on that same day. I’m so pained.” If they tell you to buy the aso-ebi like that, just run.

    Start crying

    Tell them all about how aso-ebi makes you remember your late family member that died while wearing aso-ebi at a burial. Anyone that forces you to buy after such a sad story is just heartless.

    Tell them you’ve not eaten 

    The trick is, immediately you notice that aso-ebi talk is coming, just start lamenting about how you’ve not eaten for three weeks. They’ll run away on their own to avoid you asking them for money.

    RELATED: 7 Very Nigerian Excuses People Use to Not Pay Back Money

    Blame the planets

    Mercury is in retrograde, Venus is rising and… look, the point is, it won’t be safe for you to go out that day. They have to understand.

    If all else fails, claim amnesia

    Just claim you don’t know them. Remember your mother said you shouldn’t have anything to do with strangers.

    NEXT READ: Eight Ways to Practice Self-Care in a Nigeria That Doesn’t Care About You

    Tife Oni

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  • QUIZ: Can We Guess What Colour Your Aso-Ebi Will Be?

    QUIZ: Can We Guess What Colour Your Aso-Ebi Will Be?

    Are you even Nigerian if Aso-Ebi is not on your wedding list? Let’s guess what colour yours might be.

    Start the quiz.

    QUIZ: Who Will You Marry?

    Find out who you’ll marry now o. God no go shame you.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • The Zikoko Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Buy Aso-Ebi

    The Zikoko Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Buy Aso-Ebi

    The concept behind Aso-Ebi is great. Get all of your friends and family to show up and show out decked in the same ‘fit. But here’s a fun fact about buying Aso-Ebi, it’s cost. And you know what’s even worse? Most of the time you can’t say no to it.

    Still, you don’t have to buy every Amaka, Dami and Hauwa’s Aso-Ebi. Deciding whose to buy and who to say ‘thank you next’ to can be tricky, but I’m here to help.

    Have you spoken to the person in the last year?

    You might have been BFFs in primary school or secondary school, but if you haven’t spoken to the person in at least a year, you have no business buying their Aso-Ebi. You might have known what their favourite food, colour and musician were when you guys were 13, but you don’t even know their husband’s first name now and you want to spend your hard earned coins to buy their Aso-Ebi.

    How close are you?

    Do you know when’s a great time to assess just how important a friend is to you? When they ask you to buy their Aso-Ebi. Yes, you guys have gone for a couple of lunches together and are in one or two Whatsapp groups. But do you even know her middle name or where she works?

    How many friends do you have?

    Having a lot of friends is great. Especially during events like your birthday or your wedding. It’s not as great when ten of them decide to marry in two months and they all have Aso-Ebi for you to buy. It’s at that point you need to prioritize your friendships. Who forgot to call you on your last birthday? Who did you get into a fight with recently? It’s not like you are petty or you like to hold on to grudges, you just have to do what you need to do.

    Is it family?

    It’s easy to come up with excuses to not buy your friend’s Aso-Ebi, but it’s a whole lot harder with family. If it’s family you might just have no option but to buy it.

    If it’s family, how close are you?

    There’s family and there’s ‘family sha’. If the Aso-Ebi is for a first cousin you grew up seeing almost every holiday then, of course, you should buy it. If it’s for a fourth cousin removed, who you met once when you were ten years old and don’t even know what she currently looks like, save your money for the next Aso-Ebi gbese.

    Do you have the colour at home?

    If you are a veteran in this Aso-Ebi buying business, odds are you already have something like the fuchsia green and purple Aso-Ebi someone is trying to get you to buy. So if you have something that’s remotely close to the colour in your closet, you know what needs to be done. Save your coins.

    Do you have someone to share with?

    Let’s be honest if you are not the bride or the bride’s mother, nothing you are making out of the Aso-Ebi should need 6 yards. Find a mutual friend to split the cost with. Worst case scenario, if the material isn’t enough for what you want to sew, your tailor will help you add crepe to it.

    Do you have shame?

    Shamelessness is a powerful tool we should all have in our arsenal of emotions. Once you can’t be shamed the only times you’ll ever need to buy Aso-Ebi is when you really want to. When you are shameless no social media post subbing you or side eye for wearing something different to the wedding can move you.

    Are you going to have to borrow money to buy it?

    You’d think this would go without saying, but if you need to borrow money to buy anybody’s Aso-Ebi, including your best friend since you were a toddler. Don’t. Buy. It. Don’t offer to pay in instalments, don’t offer to pick it up on credit, just don’t buy it.

    Most importantly, how much is it?

    When it comes down to it, the most important determinant of whether or not you are going to buy that Aso-Ebi is how much it costs. Does it cost more than your monthly food and transport budget combined? Then nope. Does it cost more than the last really nice thing you bought for yourself? Then tell the bride no thank you.

    See I know Nigerians don’t know how to take no for an answer, especially when there’s no good reason behind it. So here are 15 excuses you can use to avoid buying Aso-Ebi, when you really don’t want to.

    Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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  • 10 things people who are tired of Nigerian weddings will understand

    Nigerian weddings are the best from the small chops to the outfits to the music, what’s not to love? Well, these ten things.

    You’ll spend 4 hours in Lagos traffic trying to get to a wedding, you get there and they tell you food has finished.

    Better bring out the small chops if you don’t want me to show my true colours

    When your primary school friend’s sister’s cousin brings a bill for Aso-Ebi for her wedding

    Where do I know you from, please?

    When you get a wedding invitation for yet another Saturday you wanted to spend in your bed

    Must you people marry sef?

    When your friend brings the Aso-Ebi bill and it’s almost the same amount as your monthly salary

    Are you trying to send me to an early grave

    When after buying 50k Aso-Ebi the person serving small chops tries to walk past you

    Do you think I’m here to play?  Abi you thought the Aso-Ebi was free?

    When they tell you that the wedding is strictly by invitation so you stroll in at 4 expecting to find a seat

    It’s first come first serve my brother

    How the bouncers block you if you make the mistake of coming without your invitation

    Ahan it’s wedding now not Escape

    When they tell you it’s a destination wedding after you’ve paid for the Aso-Ebi

    Did I tell you I have money to go to Enugu, you want me to follow you to Seychelles??!!

    When the couple tells you it’s just a small wedding so you keep it simple only for you to get to the wedding and it’s bigger than OLIC

    So you people’s plan was to disgrace me

    After buying Aso-Ebi and the souvenir doesn’t get to you

    You people had better go and bring out my own bucket

    While we are on the topic of weddings, do you think bride price is necessary?

    Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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  • 7 Aso Ebi Styles We Are Tired of Seeing

    1. The dramatic flared sleeves

    It’s enough oh!

    2. Women in agbada

    Let’s allow this style relax until further notice.

    3. Itty bitty crop tops

    We’ve seen enough midriffs sha!

    4. The floor length cape

    Superman is no longer looking for a deputy. Thanks for the fashionable application.

    5. The peplum top

    One day we will have a national meeting and agree that this style needs to rest!

    6. Oleku

    Please, please and please! Allow the outfit of our grandmothers rest.

    7. The high-low outfit

    Please choose one, long or short!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • 15 Excuses To Avoid Buying Aso-Ebi

    1. I already have fabric in that colour.

    Carry your aso ebi and go!

    2. This colour makes me look very somehow.

    I look fabulous in everything but not today!

    3. It’s against my religion.

    We don’t believe in aso ebi!

    4. I’m a socialist, aso ebi fuels capitalism and materialism.

    We don’t believe in all that here!

    5. I lost my ATM card and I don’t have cash.

    Sorry!

    6. My bank no longer exists and so my money too no longer exists.

    What a shame!

    7. My grandmother said she had a dream and advised me not to buy fabric for at least one year.

    Before we see stories that touch!

    8. We don’t attend weddings in my family.

    Only graduation and burial.

    9. I’ve only known you for a decade we’re not that close.

    If it was up to 20 years I can understand.

    10. When I wear aso ebi I can’t dance very well.

    Or you don’t want me to give them Michael Jackson on that day?

    11. I won’t be around for the wedding.

    Whoops!

    12. Aso ebi makes me fall ill.

    In fact I can almost die!

    13. I heard if too many people buy aso ebi the marriage won’t last.

    Help me help you!

    14. I actually don’t agree with this union.

    Honestly you people should not marry!

    15. I’m very broke!

    As you are looking at me, poverty is my middle name

    Jola Ayeye

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  • You Can Now Tie Gele In Less Than 30 Seconds

    You Can Now Tie Gele In Less Than 30 Seconds

    This one is for the Owambe loving ladies.

    Those ones that love to completely slay at weddings or any other turn up there is.

    And while gorgeous looks like this seem too easy to achieve….

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BA49hC8H6Dy/?taken-by=auto.gele
    Every Nigerian female that has had to rock aso ebi can totally relate to how difficult it is to tie that flawless gele.

    When a difficulty appears, some people take it upon themselves to create an innovative solution to that problem.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BBabq3rE9Yt/?taken-by=honey_drop29
    An automatic gele known as “Auto gele” is now available in Nigeria.

    Created in 2014 by Ande Oluwatoyosi and Fasasi Folusho, two graduates of Covenant University, auto gele is the newest and easiest way to tie a nice Owambe gele.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/29EoQ3k9Wc/?taken-by=honey_drop29
    The gele was created simply to ease the stress and expenses involved in tying gele. The design is automated and very comfortable for the wearer.

    They come in different colours and can also be made bespoke, for those that want theirs really special.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/-LhGaBH6FI/?taken-by=auto.gele

    We know you’re already curious about how to tie gele in less than a minute. Check these videos to find out.

    You can also check out this full tutorial.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCzV4kLMqrg
    You can check out other cool colours on Instagram @auto.gele and Oyinkansola’s Twitter page @Honey_Drop29

    Maryam

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  • The Complete Guide To Throwing a Nigerian Wedding

    The Complete Guide To Throwing a Nigerian Wedding


    In Nigeria, the wedding ceremony is now as big (bigger in some cases) a deal as the marriage itself. For some reason, the pressure to impress has suddenly intensified, and those flawless BellaNaija weddings are not helping. So, if you want to throw a ‘I better pass my neighbor’ Nigerian wedding, here are the things you need to know:

    1. Mother

    Before you start thinking your wedding is about you, turn to your mother. Have you seen her? Good. Now ask her what her plans for the wedding are.

    Have you gotten her demands? Good. Now turn to your pastor and ask him what his plans for the wedding are.

    https://twitter.com/Sohlano/status/196536069930491904

    Have you made sure he is happy? Good. Now you can actually start planning your Nigerian wedding.

    2. Friendships

    You’ve heard that your wedding is not about you, abi? Well, it is even less about your friends. So when you’re picking your groomsmen and your bridal train, you really have to shove sentiments aside for the sake of aesthetics.

    If your best friend isn’t the appropriate height or skin tone for your BellaNaija photo shoot, you might have to settle for an acquaintance.

    https://twitter.com/TheBlackHermit/status/590606007002345473

    You can make it up to them by putting them on the high table.

    3. Food

    Your Nigerian wedding is not the time to experiment with food. You can try all you learnt from the Food Network on your birthday or anniversary.

    Your guests are there for Jollof rice.

    Small chops.

    https://twitter.com/ItsBollyLomo/status/637572655722442752

    …and alcohol.

    https://twitter.com/Oyolimma/status/376220782034427904

    Do not let them down.

    4. Aso-Ebi

    This is the entrepreneurial part of your Nigerian Wedding; you have to buy Aso-ebi and then sell it to your guests at an inflated price you deem fit.

    https://twitter.com/Dotbabe/status/419856375561605121

    Yes it is, no vex.

    This serves two purposes. First one is crowd control.

    No Aso-ebi, no entry.

    The second one is for your honeymoon costs.

    Five star hotels in Dubai are not cheap, please.

    5. Time

    See, Nigerians love God, but no one is coming to your wedding to give their life to Christ.

    The church service should be straight to the point.

    In fact, don’t expect people to come for that, they’ll be waiting for you at the reception venue.

    Yes it is, but expect people to do it anyway.

    6. Venue

    Don’t stress anybody with your beach wedding fantasies. Just keep it to yourself.

    Well, it’s not like your mother will even agree sef.

    https://twitter.com/Yinka_yeenka/status/238927896046092288

    Just go and rent a big hall, pay an expensive decorator, play loud music and let everybody (except you, of course) be happy.

    7. Budget

    You have a budget right? Yeah, now tear it up. There is no such thing. Your account balance is your budget.

    For every guest, just have 2 extra plates ready.

    Nigerians will not RSVP, but they will come with their neighbor, their gateman, and a stranger they just picked up off the street.

    https://twitter.com/BeingMissCocoa/status/571844542330097664

    So, be prepared.

    I’m sure you don’t need us to tell you that the makeup and wedding outfits need to slay. Just go to @BellaNaijaWeddings for inspiration.

    Now go forth and plan your Nigerian wedding.

    Daniel Orubo

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