Argument | Zikoko!

As a Nigerian living in Nigeria, you should be certain of two things. One: If you have light for three consecutive days, look for NEPA’s office and beg them to take the light. There’s a problem somewhere.

Two: Typical Nigerian bosses are never wrong. Like, never.

The key to winning every argument is by using Nigerian boss tactics, and this article will teach you how.

Make a decision

For top points, pick the most unreasonable decision or opinion possible. For example, of course, one person should be able to do the work of five people without complaining. Are you asking for too much, or are they just not putting in the effort?

Stand by it

Channel your inner mountain and absolutely refuse to change your stance. It doesn’t matter if everyone around you is crying. You’ve made your decision, and changing it means you lose the argument. We don’t want that.

Never accept defeat

Even if the points against your argument are as bright as the Kaduna sun, refuse to be defeated. If they do too much, tell them, “I’ve been an expert in this field since before you were born”. That’ll show them.

Intimidate others into silence

Directly or indirectly threaten to show them shege if they dare question your authority. They’ll accept your every word as law.

Play the boss card

If it looks like you’re losing, just say, “Do you know more than me?” but don’t even give them the space to answer. Just keep repeating that question.

It’s like you know more than me, abi?

RELATED: 9 Appropriate Responses to the Frustrating “Do You Know Who I Am”?

Tell them you’ll consider it

If the person has coconut head and still insists on making their opinions heard, tell them you’ll consider it. Then proceed to never think about it again.

Say, “It’s against policy”

And don’t bother to explain what policy you’re talking about. The point is, you know more than them, and they need to shut their face.

Or just sack them

How dare they question your irrational ways? If you can’t sack them because you’re not a Nigerian boss in real life, sack them from your life and keep it moving.

ALSO READ: 9 Unmissable Signs That Your Nigerian Boss Is Clueless

Tife Oni

January 20, 2023

Hustle, Money

Advice, Argument, bosses, Nigerian Boss, Nigerians, work advice
Not everyone is great at conceding when they’ve lost an argument. If anyone says these eight things to you during an argument, just end it because you’ve won, but at what cost?

1. “We’re cool.”

What they mean to say is that they will never forgive you in ten years. If you just finished arguing with someone, why would you ask them if you guys are still cool? What if they say no and beat you up? If anyone tells you this after they’ve lost an argument, they’re detty liars.

2. “Whatever”

Simply means “e pain me die.” When someone says this, that’s when you know that you won the argument, because who says, “Whatever” like that if they’re not pained?

3. “Let’s agree to disagree”

This means that they think they are right but they don’t feel like arguing. Except, sometimes, they’re not even right, but it’s okay to help people salvage what’s left of their dignity I guess.

4. “Let’s dead the issue”

This means that they can see that they are wrong but please let’s end it there abeg! If you are pro-peace, you can be a better person, but if not, and usually not, you can keep arguing until they admit that they were wrong.

5. “Okay, and?”

This means they are close to tears and the next thing that comes out of your mouth will set them off. It’s times like this that you should choose peace sha, except you’re an evil spirit.

6 “I’m not raising my voice!”

They usually say this while raising their voice, and it means that they are frustrated and can’t hear themselves. The best thing to do is to let them calm down. Sometimes, if they refuse to stop shouting, you too shout back, life is not that hard.

7. “That’s grammatically incorrect”

The moment someone starts correcting your pronunciation or grammar during an argument, they are either an English student, an editor, or they know they’ve lost the argument. Smh!

8. “You’re right”

This should mean that they are grown and can admit when they are wrong but according to the official Zikoko statistics, 99 per cent of the time, people say, ‘You’re right,” just so you’ll shut up. Nigerian men can relate, they pretty much invented it.

[newsletter]

Malakai Bassey

November 23, 2021

Inside Life

Argument, Funny, Inside life, Nigerians
Parents are always right. Period. No questions asked.

It’s a hot day, you are countering your parents with logical and well-laid points. Finally, a win to complete your training and establish your dominance. Suddenly, your parents bring out one or more of these from their arsenal of an adult is never wrong.

1) “Children of nowadays.”

Na wa oh.

2) “Will you keep quiet.”

Ahan.

3) “When I was your age.”

Again?

4) “I didn’t raise you like this.”

I give up.

5) “You are trying to kill me abi?”

Why so dramatic?

6) “Go and find your real mother.”

Mummy pls.

7) “See this child of yesterday.”

I am 32!

8) “You met me in this world.”

Just small Google points that I dropped.

9) “Was it not me that sent you to school?”

But…but.

10) “Your children will do the same to you.”

Ahan!

11) “I am talking you are talking.”

Isn’t that the definition of conversations?

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Hassan Yahaya

March 11, 2020

Inside Life

Argument, Nigerianparents
1. When someone says something that irritates you but you decide to let it go.

2. When you start making excuses in your mind for people.

3. When people say you don’t get angry, but on the inside, you’re like:

4. This is you, getting so angry you start crying because you’re avoiding an argument.

5. When your best friend upsets you but you still can’t argue.

6. When you see people getting into confrontations and getting resolutions.

7. When after all your peace keeping, people still get annoyed that you never fight.

8. The day you finally let out everything you were holding in, you’re like:

Jola Ayeye

February 1, 2017

Oldies

angry, Argument, chilled, cool, fight, laidback
1. When you wake up and your sibling has wet the bed you are sharing.

2. When it’s time to decide who gets the bigger piece of meat.

3. When they bring their irritating friends to the room to play when you just want to relax.

4. When your parents make it too obvious who their favourite child is.

5. When it’s time to go out, the struggle for the front seat and window seats are epic.

6. When all of you hustle to hide the remote control so you can watch what you want.

7. When an aunty or uncle gives you money to “share amongst yourselves”.

8. When one sibling does something wrong and wants to put everyone in trouble.

9. When one sibling is a professional snitch.

Jola Ayeye

January 23, 2017

Oldies

Argument, Brothers, Family, fight, Siblings, sisters
1. When your arch nemesis keeps looking for your trouble.

2. And you are just looking at her like:

3. And all her friends now join her to mock you and look for your trouble.

4. Now your head is getting hotter and hotter.

5. And before you know it you are abusing her like:

6. Then she says after school you people will see.

7. Now during maths you are calculating how many slaps it will take to make sure her mouth is swollen shut.

8. And imagining how you will fight without tearing your school uniform.

9. Your own friends are busy sending you notes of encouragement.

10. After school you meet each other face to face for the real deal.

11. Then you realise that she’s actually taller and fatter than you thought.

12. Then she lands the first blow and you think this might be how you die.

13. When she lands another one you decide to help yourself by “fainting”.

14. Before she will use her big hands to kill you for your parents.

15. When you get home your siblings laugh at you like:

16. Meanwhile your mother is shouting at you because your uniform is dirty.

17. If not that you survived a near death experience you would have fought all of them.

18. But God is good, you faint today to fight tomorrow.

Jola Ayeye

December 18, 2016

Oldies

Argument, fight
1. When you realise your parents are having a disagreement.

Which kind of wahala is this one now?
2. When your mother comes to report your father to you.

How is this one my business now?
3. When your father comes to report your mother to you.

Oh you too?
4. When they are both shouting over you but you can’t leave because they will now face you.

So I should just stay here and be looking?
5. When either of them try to get you to be on their side, you’re like:

Please don’t involve me in your domestic squabble. Thanks!
6. When they start using style to bribe you for your support.

That’s when both of them know how to give you anything you want!
7. When they are arguing about you or your siblings.

So that is why somebody cannot hear word?
8. You, to the parent that is on your side:

The best parent in the whole world.
9. How you and your siblings have to tiptoe around the house so you don’t collect misplaced anger:

Please oh!
10. When you see either of your parents coming to look for even more support.

I’m not around oh, please!
11. When you try to settle the argument and you end up stressed:

Because you just wanted to help people oh!
12. When they settle their quarrel and then turn on you together.

Wow! Such betrayal!
This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:

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Jola Ayeye

August 12, 2016

Oldies

Argument, Family, fight, Funny, Parents, sponsored
1. When you try to go out in an outfit your mother thinks is too short or too tight, she’s like:

“You might as well be naked! My friend will you go and change that rubbish!”
2. When you’re uninterested in cooking and she’s wondering why.

“Is this how you will be doing in your husband’s house?”
3. When she doesn’t like your boyfriend and you are still dating him.

Everyday she will use her advice and wise words to be torturing you in the house.
4. When your hairstyle or make up is too loud or crazy for her.

“Why do you like to do yourself jagga jagga like this?”
5. When you go to school and you only call her three times a week instead of twice a day, she’s like:

Hello ma, how many talk do you want us to talk?
6. When she doesn’t like your friends and you still hang out with them.

She’s usually right about them at the end of the day sha but still!
7. When you decide to stop following her to her own church/mosque.

Madam God is everywhere please let me go where I want!
8. When you stop telling her gist because you know she’ll use it against you later.

How can we be fighting because I’m not talking enough!
9. When your female cousins/friends come to visit and your mother starts comparing the both of you.

Be satisfied with what you have ma!
10. When you come home “late” which is any time after 7:30pm.

“You are now a nightcrawler abi?”

Jola Ayeye

August 10, 2016

Oldies

Argument, Daughters, Family, fight, mother
https://twitter.com/SageSeid/status/690110909432332288
On Thursday, there was a prolonged – honestly annoying – argument by Nigerians about what to say or not say to a woman when you’re having an argument. You may not have been present for the argument, but we don’t want to attend any funerals, so we made a list of the tweets for you:
1. “You’re wrong”

Once you say that, you might as well place an order for your coffin. A woman is never wrong in an argument.
2. “Calm down”

Start praying for that man, because he’s about to never have peace again. You people should learn. No woman that’s ever been told to calm down actually calms down.
3. “You’re overreacting”

Under no circumstances, should this leave your mouth. I mean, you can think it, but do not so much as breathe it out.
4. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow”

No one has patience for that! Also what are you doing that we can’t talk about it now?
5. “Go straight to the point”

Wow! You don’t seem to want the argument to end. Let her make all her secondary points before getting to the primary point.
6. “Okay”

LOL! After the long essay, you think you should say “Okay”?
7. “You won’t understand”

Are you trying to say she’s stupid? For real?
8. “Do what you want”

What’s this one saying? Please behave and give your opinion so she can yell at you for it.
9. “Is that why you’re angry?”

Wait, what? The reason is not good enough? Guys need to learn!
10. “It’s not that deep”

Wow.
11. “Whatever”

You cannot show flippancy when arguing with your woman, all she wants to see is remorse!
12. “Why are you being so emotional?”

When you say this, she will go dangerously still. Don’t breathe, bruh.
13. “You just want to be angry”

Now, you’re just inviting the devil in.
14. “This is too much drama”

Really? Say God.
15. “Seen”

It’s like you people want the stress. Why would you say ‘seen’ when another person is angry?
16. “I don’t know what you want me to say”

Rude!
17. “So what do you want from me?”

Sigh! An apology, for you to have a clue…the list goes on.
18. “Can I talk?”

No!! She really doesn’t want to hear from you right now!
19. “Is it that time of the month?”

That one was your own fault.
20. SILENCE

LMAO! Bye bro.
21. LAUGHTER

RIP to that brother over there.

Odunayo

January 25, 2016

Gist, Oldies

Argument, Nigerian women, Woman

Make a decision

Stand by it

Never accept defeat

Intimidate others into silence

Play the boss card

Tell them you’ll consider it

Say, “It’s against policy”

Or just sack them

1. “We’re cool.”

2. “Whatever”

3. “Let’s agree to disagree”

4. “Let’s dead the issue”

5. “Okay, and?”

6 “I’m not raising my voice!”

7. “That’s grammatically incorrect”

8. “You’re right”

1) “Children of nowadays.”

2) “Will you keep quiet.”

3) “When I was your age.”

4) “I didn’t raise you like this.”

5) “You are trying to kill me abi?”

6) “Go and find your real mother.”

7) “See this child of yesterday.”

8) “You met me in this world.”

9) “Was it not me that sent you to school?”

10) “Your children will do the same to you.”

11) “I am talking you are talking.”

1. When someone says something that irritates you but you decide to let it go.

2. When you start making excuses in your mind for people.

3. When people say you don’t get angry, but on the inside, you’re like:

4. This is you, getting so angry you start crying because you’re avoiding an argument.

5. When your best friend upsets you but you still can’t argue.

6. When you see people getting into confrontations and getting resolutions.

7. When after all your peace keeping, people still get annoyed that you never fight.

8. The day you finally let out everything you were holding in, you’re like:

1. When you wake up and your sibling has wet the bed you are sharing.

2. When it’s time to decide who gets the bigger piece of meat.

3. When they bring their irritating friends to the room to play when you just want to relax.

4. When your parents make it too obvious who their favourite child is.

5. When it’s time to go out, the struggle for the front seat and window seats are epic.

6. When all of you hustle to hide the remote control so you can watch what you want.

7. When an aunty or uncle gives you money to “share amongst yourselves”.

8. When one sibling does something wrong and wants to put everyone in trouble.

9. When one sibling is a professional snitch.

1. When your arch nemesis keeps looking for your trouble.

2. And you are just looking at her like:

3. And all her friends now join her to mock you and look for your trouble.

4. Now your head is getting hotter and hotter.

5. And before you know it you are abusing her like:

6. Then she says after school you people will see.

7. Now during maths you are calculating how many slaps it will take to make sure her mouth is swollen shut.

8. And imagining how you will fight without tearing your school uniform.

9. Your own friends are busy sending you notes of encouragement.

10. After school you meet each other face to face for the real deal.

11. Then you realise that she’s actually taller and fatter than you thought.

12. Then she lands the first blow and you think this might be how you die.

13. When she lands another one you decide to help yourself by “fainting”.

14. Before she will use her big hands to kill you for your parents.

15. When you get home your siblings laugh at you like:

16. Meanwhile your mother is shouting at you because your uniform is dirty.

17. If not that you survived a near death experience you would have fought all of them.

18. But God is good, you faint today to fight tomorrow.

1. When you realise your parents are having a disagreement.

2. When your mother comes to report your father to you.

3. When your father comes to report your mother to you.

4. When they are both shouting over you but you can’t leave because they will now face you.

5. When either of them try to get you to be on their side, you’re like:

6. When they start using style to bribe you for your support.

7. When they are arguing about you or your siblings.

8. You, to the parent that is on your side:

9. How you and your siblings have to tiptoe around the house so you don’t collect misplaced anger:

10. When you see either of your parents coming to look for even more support.

11. When you try to settle the argument and you end up stressed:

12. When they settle their quarrel and then turn on you together.

This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:

1. When you try to go out in an outfit your mother thinks is too short or too tight, she’s like:

2. When you’re uninterested in cooking and she’s wondering why.

3. When she doesn’t like your boyfriend and you are still dating him.

4. When your hairstyle or make up is too loud or crazy for her.

5. When you go to school and you only call her three times a week instead of twice a day, she’s like: