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  • 8 Things That Get More Annoying The Older You Are

    It is normal for humans to get less tolerant of certain things the older they get. You tend to start paying attention to certain things and get more annoyed by them. Here’s a list of things that get more annoying the older you get:

    1. Unnecessary Noise.

    Why is the neighbour already shouting by 8 am in the morning?. It honestly makes no sense. The older we get, the more peace and quiet we want in our lives. Easy, please.

    2. Lies and Liars.

    Hmm, Yoruba men are about to leave the chat. No one is going to beat you if you tell the truth. Lies are not only annoying, but they are also very disrespectful. No adult has time to deal with incessant liars. If you really need to lie, please talk to a wall. T for Tenks

    3. Tasteless food.

    Tasteless food is annoying, whether you are old or young, but tasteless food bought with your last cash is the most annoying. Buying food with your last cash and not enjoying it is enough to ruin your day.

    4. Slow and lazy people.

    Be fast please, no one has time to waste.

    5. Persistent phone calls

    Instant messaging exist for a purpose; if you’ve called more than once and the person has not picked up, just send a text. Persistent phone calls are only acceptable if you want to dash us money.

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    6. Kids

    Children are so annoying, especially the ones who don’t come with a return policy. Yeah, they are cute sometimes- when they are not asking you one million annoying questions. “Aunty Joke, how do you know my dad?”

    7. Work

    It’s 2021, money should have started growing on trees by now. The concept of work is so annoying and unnecessary. Can’t we just sleep and wait till the money comes to meet us?

    8. Living with your parents

    Living with your Nigerian parents would test your patience in more ways than you can imagine. Even when you know you love them very much, you’ll still be annoyed with them 24/7.

    Ibukun

    , ,
  • 5 Annoying Things About Every New Week

    There’s already all the annoying things about salary week, but new weeks can be another struggle and we don’t talk about it enough.

    Let’s see which one you can relate with the most.

    1. Motivational quotes

    Everybody is suddenly so ‘motivated’ for the new week. Set awon aspire to perspire. That’s when you’ll get broadcast wishes on WhatsApp no one bothers reading. Wait until someone splashes dirty water on the shirt you took three hours to iron.

    2. Monday blues

    There should be a bill to place a ban on it because what is this day of the week, but stress?

    3. Routines

    It’s the activities you did the previous week, that you still have to repeat this week. They may just wear sexier clothes.

    4. To-dos

    You actually have to go out there and do the things that can help you make money to shake your ass on a yacht. Welcome to adulting.

    5. Thursday tears

    You’re probably wondering why it’s on this list. Well, Thursday is the sibling of Friday no one really likes. Can you move? It’s Friday we want.

    Susan Nwaobiala

    ,
  • 7 Annoying Things That Can Happen In A Public Place

    No matter how long you avoid any physical human interaction, the minute you step out, at least one of these 7 things just might happen.

    Some are annoying, while others are downright embarrassing.

    1. Locking eyes with a stranger

    It usually doesn’t last more than a split second, but can be super uncomfortable. You quickly avert your eyes wondering what all that was about, except you want to flirt. That’s another story.

    2. Waving to someone who was in fact waving to someone else behind you

    This one can be more embarrassing than annoying. Better do as if it’s your ear you wanted to scratch with the hand you raised.

    3. Getting your clothing stuck between your buttocks

    Kanipe you are in your house now, you can do the needful. But with all these eyes roaming, how e go be? Just remember to breathe.

    4. ATM not dispensing

    So you stood in line for thirty minutes, only for the money to finish when it got to your turn? It’s things like this that make life tough. Even more annoying is how the people behind you will feel you have bad luck.

    5. Random people touching you

    Asides being in trying times virus wise, whatever happened to people keeping their hands to themselves? Spray sanitiser on anyone that tries this.

    6. Someone stepping on your footwear from behind

    It’s as if some people don’t look in front of them when walking. They will step on your footwear from behind and probably even cut it in the process. That’s not the annoying part. Wait till the first thing they say is: “Are you not seeing?” Boya you should grow eyes behind your head.

    7. Stepping on gum

    Shoe that you just bought. See this thing is annoying. Lord help the culprit if you find them.

    Susan Nwaobiala

    ,
  • 10 Annoying Things Older Nigerians Say

    The older Nigerians get, the more annoying they become. They think that because they are old, they can say and do anything without repercussions. Unfortunately for them, this generation is not having any of their nonsense. We’ve highlighted some of the most annoying things they say below.

    1. If you leave, who will build the country? 

    When you were younger, why didn’t you build the country, oh wise one? Why did you leave it to us? Dear older Nigerians, we are tired abeg, Bob the builder no do reach this one. 

    Did we spoil the country first?

    2. The youths are lazy 

    When they say this, they mean to say that the government is consistent in frustrating the efforts of the youth. Surely, they can’t be looking at all the things the youths do to earn a living and still call them lazy.

    With all due respect, please shut up.
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    3 . Nigeria was good in my days 

    Yes, we are aware. Titus’ sardine is five hundred naira and one sachet of water is now twenty naira. We know how bad things are, no one made you the minister of reminders. 

    What are we supposed to do with that information bayi?

    4. All you do is press your phone 

    Just because they use their phones to play Candy Crush and send scary WhatsApp broadcast messages, they really can’t see how we could use our phone’s to do something good for our lives. Mention that you have a headache, and they’ll blame your phone pressing habits.  

    pov: a millennial pressing her phone.

    5. Dress the way you want to be addressed 

    What does this even mean? Just because we’ve chosen not to wear suits to work anymore? Do they not know how hot this country is? Like I’m sorry you wasted your youth dressing like an old person, but if you can’t handle a bad bitch, don’t give birth to one. 

    6. Using your left hand is rude

    I thought God created all things equally, but older Nigerians in their usual annoying way have proven that it is an insult to use your hand even if you’re a southpaw. Wahala oh.

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    7. I have children your age at home

    So do our parents, you’re not special. By the way, never in the history of demanding respect has saying this in an argument ever helped.

    8. You’d understand when you’re older 

    Some people have been “older” for many years now, and they still don’t understand a lot of things, everybody should just get out.

    9. I carried you as a baby 

    Okay, thank you for your service to humanity, do you want an award or something? Notice how it’s always that one person you don’t even know?

    10. You’re so big now 

    So here’s the thing about human beings, dear egbon, they grow. It happened to you and our parents, and now it has happened to us. Thanks for pointing it out though.

    Malakai Bassey

    , , , ,
  • QUIZ: If You Get 12/20 On This Quiz, You Were Annoying In Primary School

    If up to 12 things on this list apply to you, you were very annoying in primary school.

    Check all that apply to you:

    Tuntamilore

    , , , ,
  • 7 Massive Lies You Were Sold About Adulting

    If there’s a mantra to your life, it is one thing: adulting is a scam. Big scam. I don’t know what it was that made it seem like being an adult was an epic trip, but it is a scam. We were had, took, hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok and flat-out deceived about adulting.

    Adulting sold us dreams. Here are a few of the lies we were sold by adulting.

    1. That when you grew up, you would eat all the meat you wanted from the soup.

    Now you can eat it, but at what cost?

    2. The responsibilities 

    There are so many responsibilities that came with adulting. Bills, work, family responsibilities… it never ends.

    3. You thought you would go to uni, graduate and get a great job immediately.

    If only you knew.

    4. Being broke

    Nobody prepared you for being broke all the damn time.

    5. You thought you would have met the love of your life

    Now where is the love of your life? HaqHaqHaq.

    6. Having to take care of your self when you fall sick

    This one is the worst. Nobody to pamper you. Worst part is that you have to pay for your drugs with your own money. Ghetto.

    7. Getting enough sleep

    As a child, you hated that you had to go to bed early and looked forward to staying up as long as you wanted when you became an adult. Now you can’t get enough sleep.

    You know what? For reading to the end, here’s a bonus article you should read: 5 Annoying Post-Lockdown Expenses That You Can’t Escape

    Olufemi Fadahunsi

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  • 9 Annoying Things Siblings Do When You’re Recording A Video

    My fellow enraged video recorders, I welcome you. If your sibling is on this table, call them out.

    1) Pass naked in the background.

    How can I be related to this kind of human being?

    2) Sing in the background.

    Well done, Bariga Adele.

    3) Open or close the door loudly.

    Sign one million on the need to get your own space.

    4) Come to beg for bread or something ridiculous.

    Is it crack? Why now?

    5) Play loud music.

    If I slap you and FireBoy.

    6) Exist.

    Stressor.

    7) Give unsolicited commentary.

    Will you keep quiet?

    8) Remove your wig.

    Or something equally annoying to embarrass you.

    9) Beg to feature in the video.

    Why are you acting like we’re related or something?

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • 13 Fictional Characters Nigerians Hate With A Passion

    Don’t tell me it’s just a movie when the thing pained me deep down and it’s still paining me many years down the line. Please, don’t.

    Here is a list of some of the most annoying fictional characters to have ever come on screen.

    1) Home Alone.

    These guys gave everyone of us hyptertension.

    2) Game of Thrones.

    Put these two inside dustbin and throw it into the ocean.

    3) Matilda.

    The evil principal Trunchbull did is enough. I can’t get this scene out of my head.

    4) Baby’s Day Out.

    These rogues. Gbomo gbomo with international exposure.

    5) Money Heist.

    Shoot this guy already.

    6) Koto Aiye.

    The witches were just too wicked.

    7) 101 Dalmatians.

    Leave our bingos alone.

    8) Samurai Jack.

    Aku was really the shape shifting master of all stressors.

    9) Prison Break.

    T-bag = cunning-back-stabbing-selfish-man.

    9) Living in Bondage

    Andy Okeke, you no try at all. After all Merit did for you.

    10) Diamond Ring.

    Hate this one for going to university, joining a cult, and then going grave-robbing with that cult (causing ghost Liz Benson to fuck his family up) even though his family was super rich and could afford to get him literally anything he wanted!

    11) October 1.

    Father, why?

    12) Skinny Girl In Transit.

    Kwame, it’s on sight.

    13) Eran Iya Osogbo.

    Hated everything about this movie. Why does it even exist?

    Click here for happy thoughts.

    Hassan Yahaya

    , ,
  • 4 Ways The Internet Annoys You Everyday

    Does anyone else get the urge to tackle their computers to the ground and pummel it till it’s nothing but a pile of scraps and crackling electricity? Just me? Maybe I have anger issues, then. Anyways, here are 4 ways the internet annoys you every day.

    1) Certain sites making you take captcha tests to ensure that you’re human.

    What the Heck Is That?: CAPTCHA - The New York Times

    The irony of a fucking machine making me prove I’m a human. We’ve given these things too much power.

    2) When you’re trying to change your password to some platform because it insists the one you tried to log in with was wrong but then proceeds to tell you this:

    Enters Password WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG *Resets Password* NEW ...

    WTF?! *flips virtual furniture*

    3) When you’re creating a password to a platform and the platform insists that your password can’t just be a simple word or sequence of numbers and must include an upper case letter, a lower case letter, a number, a rune, 3 hieroglyphs, and a cave drawing of a pre-historic orgy.

    sigh - "Your password must be between 8-20 characters and contain ...

    “WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!“

    4) When you try to log in to a platform and it says that your password or email address is wrong, leaving you confused and wondering:

    “You are a social media site and not the cave of wonders! TELL ME WHICH ONE!!”

    Click here for happy thoughts.

    Astor George

    ,
  • 5 Annoying AF Chores You Should Outsource (If You Can)

    Look, if you read this and call me lazy, that’s your own business. Me I’m sha going to say my own. These 5 chores I’m about to list are annoying AF and, if you can afford it, should be outsourced to people willing to be paid for it.

    1) Cooking

    Image result for bad cook

    All the stress you go through (getting the ingredients ready, doing the timing, mixing, stirring, washing up after etc) is just not worth it for one measly ass meal. This might sound like terrible advice but EAT OUT AND SAVE YOUR ENERGY.

    2) Dishes

    Image result for dirty dishes

    The worst time to do this is after you’ve had guests over who, because they didn’t want to seem hungry, didn’t finish their food. So, now there aren’t just dirty dishes everywhere, there’s crusty and/or slimy food in them. Even worse is when you’re almost done and some asshole just shows up and drops their plate.

    3) Bathroom Cleaning

    Image result for cleaning bathroom

    What the fuck is she smiling about??

    This includes everything (toilets, bathtubs, sinks, floors etc). Having to be on your hands and knees for a long period of time so you can properly get rid of all the grime is the absolute ghetto! Your back and waist will hurt like hell for hours after.

    4) Laundry

    Image result for doing laundry by hand

    All that scrubbing will leave your hands looking more wrinkly than a shrunken 85-year-old scrotum in cold weather. Then there’s hanging the clothes out to dry and taking them back in to fold.

    5) Ironing

    Image result for ironing

    No matter how hard you iron, the wrinkles just refuse to go away! Of course, you think the iron isn’t hot enough, so you turn up the heat and end up burning a hole in your favourite shirt. Mscthewwww.

    What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

    Astor George

    ,
  • QUIZ: How Annoying Are You?

    Does your presence tend to piss people off? Do people wince whenever you open your mouth? Is it only your friends and family that can stand you? If you’re not 100% sure, then you should take this quiz to help discover just how annoying you really are.

    Go ahead:

    NerdEfiko

    ,
  • 12 Frustrating Things Nigerian Parents Do To Their Kids

    1. They pay for your education, then they get mad when you have educated views.

    This one is your fault sha.

    2. They warn you to never date, then they start asking for spouse immediately you graduate.

    Are they selling partners in the market?

    3. They treat you like crap as a child, then they start forming BFFs when you’re an adult.

    It’s too late, please.

    4. They ask you a question, then they call you disrespectful for answering.

    What do you want from me?

    5. They never say sorry for being wrong, but they expect you to forgive them.

    It’s not by giving me food.

    6. They never speak to you about sex, then they refuse to shut up about grandkids.

    How do you think the grandkids will appear?

    7. They ask you to lead closing prayers, then they pray right after you.

    So God didn’t hear my own?

    8. They believe every WhatsApp BC they get, then they vex when you don’t believe them too.

    Don’t force me to believe nonsense.

    9. They can’t let you simply gist with them without turning it into a lecture.

    This is why we don’t talk.

    10. They do something to upset you, then they vex because you’re upset.

    How are you the one that’s now upset?

    11. They refuse to let you sleep because they are now awake.

    Is it my fault that you woke up by 5 am?

    12. They ask you to tell the truth, then they punish you when you do.

    Na me fuck up.

    NerdEfiko

    , ,

  • 1. Some idiots will assume you don’t love your skin the way it is and that deep down you really wish you were light skinned.

    You don’t even know me.

    2. So they will suggest that you bleach your skin.

    “Listen, you probably mean well but I don’t want to end up looking like a three day old corpse. So no, thanks.”

    3. They will ignore everything you’re saying and start suggesting bleaching creams you can use.

    “Have you tried FOREVER CLEAR? WHITENING LOTION nko? What of GOAT MILK WHITENER?”

    4. When this happens, shout sense into their head.

    “DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME?! I DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE BOBRISKY!!! GTFO!”

    5. Then there are those terrible humans that will say that they don’t date dark skin people.

    This makes no sense because like half of the people that say this are dark skinned themselves. All of them are mad.

    6. If you’re very dark, one idiot will try to nickname you “Nightcrawler” or worse, “Nightwalker”.

    If someone calls you “Nightwalker”, you have every right to punch him/her in the throat. They deserve it.

    7. If you are very dark, a lot of people will automatically assume that you’re from the North.

    Believe me when I tell you that Nigerian stereotypes are just plain stupid.

    8. Someone will joke that if you have children with another dark skinned person, your kids will be “black like satan”.

    “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OFFENSIVE THIS IS?!!”

    9. This is you when you see a job vacancy and the employers specifically ask for only light skinned people.

    ARE WE NOT HUMAN BEINGS??!! ARE YOU MAD??!!

    10. Whenever harmattan comes, you absolutely have to rub Vaseline or else you’ll end up looking like this

    You will look like a low budget Nollywood ghost.

    Now that you know the struggles of dark skin people, read this next article that properly chronicles the struggles of light skinned Nigerians.

    10 Annoying Things Light Skinned People Can Relate To

    Astor George

    , , ,

  • 1. People will call you “Yellow Pawpaw” and expect you to smile because they think it’s cute.

    Some will call you “Oyinbo”.  This is more annoying.

    2. When you’re under the sun for too long, you will get stressed and turn red.

    And end up looking like an angry tomato.

    3. If you get slapped across the face, the person’s fingerprints will remain on your face.

    Like those memory foam mattresses.

    4. You will NEVER be able to blend in anywhere.

    You will stick out like a sore thumb. A yellow sore thumb.

    5. Which is why you should never join bad gang. When you all do bad stuff and try to escape, you are the only one the authorities will remember.

    And you will take the fall.

    6. If you’re terrible with faces, people will easily remember you and you won’t remember them.

    You will try and explain yourself but they will just believe that your proud.

    7. If you’re a guy, girls will just assume that you’re a player.

    “Babe! Gimme a chance na!”

    8. If you’re a girl, every guy will assume you have a bad attitude.

    “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!”

    9. People will meet you and automatically assume you’re Igbo because all Igbo people are light skinned apparently.

    This one isn’t annoying. It just makes no damn sense. Like, why? Why is this even a thing?

    10. Idiots will make jokes about how you shouldn’t have kids with another light skinned person because then all your kids will end up being as bright as the sun.

    Don’t be deceived by that image above. That was a terrible joke but you will laugh whenever you hear it because you don’t want to be rude. Being a good person is hard.

    If you enjoyed this article about Light skin wahala, read this next article about the struggles of a Nigerian fat person.

    13 Times Fat People Have Felt Like Strangling Your Bony Asses To Death

    Astor George

    , , , ,

  • 1. When patients come in and, for some reason, insist that their illness was caused by their village people.

    So why are you telling me? Please take drugs and go.

    2. When a patient looks up their symptoms online before coming to the hospital so they argue with you when your diagnosis isn’t what they thought it would be.

    Are you mad?! Who is the doctor here?! Oya take pad and write your own prescription na!

    3. When a patient calls you “Aunty Nurse” just because you’re female.

    Why have you decided to not have sense like this?

    4. When you’re unlucky enough to work with incompetent nurses.

    So what you’re telling me is that you went to Nursing school and you don’t know what the word, “Trauma” means.

    5. When a patient attempts to compare your knowledge of drugs to that of their neighborhood chemist.

    Idiot.

    6. When you inevitably fall sick and people are like, “Ah . So doctor sef dey sick?”

    No. Doctors are half human/half robot. I’m not sick. I just need to change my battery.

    It’s hard out here for doctors sha. If you don’t believe us, read this article about the annoying patients every Nigerian doctor has treated.

    16 Annoying Patients Every Nigerian Doctor Has Ever Treated

    Astor George

    , , , ,

  • 1. When you’re using passion to listen to Mad Over You, and one ear of your earphones decides to be unfortunate and stop working

    2. When you’re just trying to get some sleep and one mosquito decides that’s the best time to play hide and seek with your ear

    3. When you dash yourself slap because the mosquito landed on your face, but you see the same mosquito giving you ela when you’re done

    4. We actually prefer to pick pin than to get that really painful injury you get from washing clothes

    5. When you’ve finished fixing nails and forming all the babe in this world, and one of them decides to break

    6. When you’re at fellowship and the leader decides to be extra and asks everyone to shout 50 Halleluhias

    7. When you miscalculated the plantain to beans ratio, only to find that you have more beans than plantain

    8. We know childbirth is painful and all, but have you used your small toe to hit the leg of a table before?

    Boyin Plumptre

    ,

  • 1. The person you’re owing money.

    2. LASTMA officers.

    3. The preachers at the bus top that will tell you you’re going to hell fire.

    4. The angry conductor that doesn’t have change.

    5. The “ello aunty, plix I’m stranded people.

    6. The toaster that doesn’t want to leave you alone.

    7. Those annoying Yaba traders.

    8. Your amebo neighbour.

    9. The jaga-jaga driver in traffic.

    10. Your noisy colleague that likes fighting everybody

    Maryam

    , , , ,
  • 10 Reasons Chimamanda Is Just Really The Most Annoying Person Ever

    1. She writes really good books…

    2. Some of which have been made into movies, as per, Half Of A Yellow Sun and the upcoming, The Thing Around Your Neck.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xrdaf2pq3Q

    3. She gave this TedTalk about how everyone should basically treat women like human beings, so annoying!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hMFL11So8Q

    4. Mummy Beyonce decided to tap into this anointing and kuku sampled this speech in her song, Flawless, which earned the annoying Chimamanda a Grammy nomination.

    5. On top of that, this speech was made into a book and distributed to 16 year old students in Sweden. How ridiculous!

    6. In 2016, she wrote a feminist article so annoying, major publications all over the world applauded her and also shared the piece for days.

    7. Because her wahala is too much, the people at John Hopkins university basically awarded her a honorary degree, she gave a dope speech, as per usual.

    8. Aunty Chi Chi kuku made it to the fashion world, when that her feminist speech inspired high end luxury brand, Christian Dior’s 2017 Spring collection

    9. And after the US elections, BBC invited her to this interview, but haters will still say she’s annoying.

    10. If you still don’t get at this point, that this woman is all the shades you can think of, your bad belle is really showing.

    Maryam

    , ,
  • 10 Annoying Things That Happen When You Follow Your Mom To The Market

    1. You, when she disturbs your beauty sleep and says you should escort her to the market.

    Hay God, why me?

    2. When she loads you with ghana must go bags to carry.

    The bags are more than what she wants to buy sef!

    3. When she now decides to go into the deepest parts of the market to buy tomatoes.

    Why can’t we just buy the one at the market gate, please?

    4. You, when your mom starts pricing something from 1k to N100.

    Kuku carry it for free now.

    5. You, when the person even agrees to sell it.

    Is it like that?

    6. When your mom now decides to price it again, the trader is like:

    “If you don’t gerrarahia!”

    7. You, when she’s finally done shopping.

    Can we go now ma?

    8. When she now meets one of her long lost friends.

    This is the end!

    9. So you now decide to wait for her in the car, but…

    They’ve been talking for years!

    10. The next time she says you should follow her to the market, you’re like;

    It is not me you will kill!

    Shola

    ,
  • 17 Things That Make Life Unbearably Hard For Us Girls

    1. When the metal wire in your bra starts chooking you.

    What a betray!

    2. When you’re wearing heels from hell.

    These heels will not kill me o!

    3. When you’re having a very bad makeup day.

    When your mascara and pancake don’t want to cooperate.

    4. When you have to sit down for 5 hours to make your hair.

    Waiting at the salon like…

    5. When all your friends are fine af and boys disturb you for their numbers.

    Guys only remember you when you use them as DP.

    6. When you’ve just made your hair and you want to sleep at night.

    Headache of life!

    7. When your pee is about to drop and you’re wearing a jumpsuit.

    Because your kidney will soon lose home training!

    8. When you paint your nails and it starts chipping the same day.

    Money miss road o!

    9. When you finish using a toilet and discover the tissue is finished.

    Sorry for yourself.

    10. When your braids randomly start dropping up and down.

    The stress!

    11. When you join natural hair gang and you see all the products you need to buy.

    I have entered one chance.

    12. You, when you find a tear in your favorite lace panties.

    Rest in peace.

    13. When you have to buy your boyfriend a gift.

    Why are male products so expensive, abeg?

    14. When the rubber band you used to pack your hair decides to cut.

    15. When you’re carrying your pad to the restroom at work and you see your male colleagues coming.

    When they’re about to see your Always.

    16. When you’re wearing a short dress and the wind decides to be unfortunate.

    17. When your wig decides to fall and shame you in public.

    Wig that doesn’t have home training.

    Shola

    , , ,
  • 18 Things Every Nigerian With Stressful Colleagues Will Immediately Get

    1. When you enter the office and see that overeager colleague approaching you.

    Just don’t abeg.

    2. When that colleague that lives around your side always gets to work before you.

    Oshey, employee of the month.

    3. When you’re getting along with your colleagues and they spoil it by inviting you out after work.

    Take it easy.

    4. That colleague that keeps trying to talk to you when you have your earbuds in.

    Are you well?

    5. You, avoiding your colleagues in public at all costs:

    This 9 – 5 is enough, abeg.

    6. That colleague that always tells you personal stories that leave you looking for their point like:

    Well, that was a waste of my time.

    7. Whenever one of them manages to find you on social media.

    Is there no escaping you people?

    8. Nigerian colleagues and “you’re adding weight oh!”

    Thank you, weight scale.

    9. You, at every single work event.

    Kill me now.

    10. Colleague: “I can’t come to work, I’m not feeling fine.”

    We know the truth.

    11. When you’re single and your colleague is constantly trying to set you up.

    Is it your ‘single’?

    12. When you’re sneaking out during your lunch-break so nobody asks you to help them get food.

    Not today, biko.

    13. When you say “come and join me” while you are eating and they actually come.

    See what home training has caused?

    14. When your colleague with terrible taste keeps playing their music with loudpeakers.

    Later you will say you have sense.

    15. You, pretending to be busy so you don’t have to walk out with anyone.

    I don’t have your energy.

    16. You, when they start arguing about football or politics.

    Let me just face my front.

    17. How your colleagues look at you when you leave the office at 5 on the dot:

    Na una sabi.

    18. When they ask you to “wait small” so you can give them a ride home.

    See this one.

    Daniel Orubo

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  • 15 Things Only People With Nigerian Neighbours Will Completely Understand

    1. When you have to put off your generator and your neighbour’s own is still on.

    I’m petty like that.

    2. When your neighbour buys that siren that blares whenever they bring light.

    Correct guy.

    3. When they take light in your house and you have to check that they have taken in your neighbour’s house too.

    Before I carry last.

    4. When there’s been light for hours and that neighbour you don’t like is still blasting their generator.

    It’s not my business.

    5. When you’re hungry and you can smell the jollof rice your neighbour is cooking.

    Hay God!

    6. When it’s time to pay for something and your neighbour hasn’t dropped money.

    Is this one mad?

    7. When you notice your neighbour only has light when you put on your generator.

    Wait first! Is this one tapping my light?

    8. When you hear your neighbours fighting with each other.

    E no concern me.

    9. When they wake you up with loud music early in the morning.

    What the hell?

    10. Your face, when you see their car in your own parking space.

    Chai!

    11. When they want to start giving you the story of their life.

    I don’t care.

    12. When your neighbour throws a party and doesn’t invite you.

    It can pain.

    13. When they now use their party to block the whole street.

    Na wa oh!

    14. When they refuse to take part in environmental sanitation.

    See this one.

    15. You, when they throw their rubbish in front of your own house.

    Respect yourself.

    Daniel Orubo

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  • 11 Reasons Nigerian Weddings Are The Worst

    Nigerian weddings are one of the most common avenues to really turn up. But then, it’s never always about the Jollof rice or beautiful bridesmaids.

    They can be one of the worst events to ever attend. Here are 11 annoying things about Nigerian weddings.

    1. They are usually very crowded.

    Because, Nigerians will find a way to sneak into a strictly by invitation event.

    2. …And time wasting.

    You probably will spend more than 6 hours of your life in a loud wedding depending on how much African time is spent.

    3. Lord! The overpriced Aso ebi.

    Let’s not even talk about the fact that you cannot wear that same Aso ebi to another wedding because you have to keep buying more Aso ebi.

    4. Expenses! Expenses! Expenses!

    With expensive Aso ebi comes expenses like a nice clutch, face beat because your face has to slay, shoes and let’s not even talk about tailor charges.

    5. The many stages and tiresome procedures.

    The introduction dress, traditional/engagement dress,  church/Nikkah dress and reception dress. Kilode!

    6. Not getting served Jollof rice because you didn’t buy Aso ebi.

    Yes! People get petty like that.

    7. Weddings MCs are boring and tell the worst jokes.

    When will this trash end?

    8. The annoying people that steal all the drinks and small chops at the table.

    You have eaten your fear of God with the small chops, abi?

    9. Getting criticised for dressing hotter than the bride.

    https://twitter.com/Irruaprincess/status/683264223871385600
    You can’t unlock your full potential at a Nigerian wedding.

    10. The low chances of getting seized.

    Nigerian weddings are the fields where seeds of heartbreak are sown. Ironic abi?

    11. Dealing with those “Your own is next” comments.

    Wipe the stupidity off your mouth please.

    Maryam

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