Ambode | Zikoko!

Lagos has been rated the third most stressful city in the entire world.

So if you live in Lagos and can still take out time to read this, you deserve a lot of accolades.
Lagos has pushed a lot of us to the edge at one point or another. We might have adapted or in the process of adaptation.

Whichever it is, here are some ways to know you have really had enough of this city.
If you’ve ever been stuck in traffic that was literally on hold for hours, you would understand that patience is very important to maintain your sanity sometimes.

See, there’s levels to traffic in Lagos.
While you’re stuck in traffic, you turn on the radio just to hear some “wanna gonna”, while you strain your ears to catch up.

Accents are the only things distributed free of charge in this city.
But eating fantastic food at a low cost is an extreme sport in Lagos.

In summary, overpriced food is a trademark
If you happen to live on the island, rain is probably not your best friend. When it rains, it pours, and floods.

Even you will be flooded. This is when Lagos island turns into an actual island
Let’s focus on rent for a minute, from finding the house, to affording the bills, all I have to say is..

..In this Lagos if you want to enjoy, you just have to blow o
And then if you don’t own a car, transportation is an extreme sport in Lagos. I want to talk about the cost but I also want to talk about the stress of even getting buses itself.

Let’s just thank God we are alive
If you have not had an encounter or know someone that has had an encounter or heard stories about Sarz officials, do you even leave in Lagos?

If you see them, Just run.
We always wonder why there are so many people in Lagos or why so many plan to move here? Like why is Lagos so overpopulated?

But the real question is, why are you in Lagos? Just take a moment and ask yourself why you choose to continue suffering?

Eniola

September 7, 2018

General

Ambode, danfo, eko, eko o ni baje, fashola, Lagos, Lagosians, living in Lagos, Nigeria, SARZ, Traffic, Yellow buses
Following the death of a street hawker who was knocked down by a truck while fleeing arrest from KAI officials on June 29, the Lagos state government placed a ban on street hawking starting from July 1. Being really vocal on social media, Nigerians on Twitter shared their thoughts on this development.
Some Nigerians feel this ban will have a negative impact on the economy.

I don't understand Ambode banning hawkers. This is killing a fly with a hammer. And there will be ripple effects in economy & security.
— Ifreke Inyang (@Ifreke) July 2, 2016

Some think Lagos state government should’ve done something about the agberos who are a bigger menace.

Agberos & Area Boys are a bigger threat to human lives compared to Street Hawkers but somehow LASG doesn't think so!
— Demola Of Lagos 𓃵 (@OmoGbajaBiamila) July 2, 2016

The hawkers on the streets aren’t hawking because they have better options.

https://twitter.com/officialdaddymo/status/749191896870842368

How else are these hawkers supposed to survive?

https://twitter.com/ijeomaumebinyuo/status/749217860422144000

Some are of the opinion that banning hawkers will not ultimately turn Lagos into a megacity.

https://twitter.com/Seyi__/status/749244326753013760

These hawkers should be provided with employment alternatives.

https://twitter.com/ebuka_akara/status/749266508208017408

Because without a means to survive, many people will resort to crime.

https://twitter.com/Kingwole/status/749443015765331968

Hawkers do what they do because they have no other choice.

I stand wt d hawkers in Lagos & elsewhere, I was one, selling second hand clothes (gonjo) in #Maiduguri, aftr losing a job, to kip my fmly.
— Ahmad Salkida (@A_Salkida) July 3, 2016

Because these traders played a big part during the election season.

Save our hawkers, give Dem training, send dem to school, give Dem jobs etc, stop d arrest and harassment: pic.twitter.com/tuNxAYEcpW
— Seun Anikulapo Kuti (@RealSeunKuti) July 3, 2016

How will Lagosians get through the ridiculous traffic?

https://twitter.com/QueenCleo_92/status/749222299769929728

Some people even made ridiculous suggestions.

If you're ever feeling stupid, remember someone suggested street hawkers open Facebook groups to sell their fish and gala. Good morning.
— Big Daddy Gersh (@__gershom) July 3, 2016

Eyah! Gala manufacturers won’t like this development.

https://twitter.com/femifactor/status/749169645274406913

Somebody can’t even buy Ewa Agoyin again.

So people could go to prison for buying ordinary handkerchief.

https://twitter.com/Oriadday/status/749140304897409024

We hope the Lagos state government takes into consideration the negative impact this ban will have on hawkers if another option for education or employment is not provided.

Maryam

July 4, 2016

Gist

Ambode, hawkers, Lagos, Nigerians
Do you want to know what exactly is going on in Lagos state? Look no further, we’ve got you!
From the streets of Lagos and fingers from Twitter is this hilarious self-proclaimed Lagos class captain.

Hello Sir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, just setting up my twitter sir #myfirstTweet
— Class Captain (@classkaptain) February 14, 2016

Bringing you top notch amebo in form of sights and sounds of Lagos.
1. Reporting everything to the Governor of course.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir I obsarve that Lagos police prefar to use Keke instead of the new car you buy for dem pic.twitter.com/2XuBZKlA7D
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 15, 2016
2. When there were too many men in the club.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, I have obsarve that this 14years is no longer active, can you see this sir?. pic.twitter.com/ZoVZQNzAdv
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 15, 2016
3. This sculpture at Ikeja Underbridge.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, I obsarve this sculpture at Ikeja underbridge.. do you know what it is sir? pic.twitter.com/x3Zk7HDA21
— Class Captain (@classkaptain) February 15, 2016

Looks like an ‘organ enlargement’ advertisement sha.
4. Okadas carrying only their kind…other okadas.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, we have obsarve that Okada men are carrying more okadas Dan passengers nowadays sir. pic.twitter.com/LETMcR6uYG
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 15, 2016
5. When love was found on the streets of Ojuelegba.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, one of your citizens wore pencil jeans and knelt down on the main road in ojuelegba. pic.twitter.com/y0D5mi4E1K
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 15, 2016
6. This really weird car accident.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, it appyas we need to make a propa runway for our gehs coming in from Edo sir pic.twitter.com/0K3SAC6CEq
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 16, 2016
7. And the greatest haircut of 2016.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, I obsarve dis yung man as removd ur Teslim Balogun stadium and put ontopof his head. pic.twitter.com/4raS9DiXdF
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 15, 2016
8. Some people swore they were Chuck Norris.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode é-Sir, Pls talk to ur boys.. It appyas they’re watching too much acshun feem sir. pic.twitter.com/Bxu0y20qUl
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 21, 2016
9. When Vic-O wanted in on the action.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, it appyas Fic.O has enter one shance yó. Tórì e did not pafom at Benbruze baiday sir pic.twitter.com/K3K8lOV3z7
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 19, 2016
10. This jab at Korede Bello.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, I have one small queshán.
Isit Michael Jaskin e want to draw sir? or Korede Bello. pic.twitter.com/Iv9lsP49IF — Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 19, 2016
11. The fastest runner in Lagos traffic.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, I srongly beliv dat if dis gentuman run in next #LagosMarathon Nigeria wil carry 1st pic.twitter.com/VGIGLMRuDU
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 18, 2016
12. Sometimes men of the law take leaks in front of people’s houses.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir can u obsarve ur officer park his offisha okada, pissin in d gutta
inside pesin house pic.twitter.com/XVKcQzbZSm — Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 18, 2016
13. The woman every Lagosian loves.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, disiz my woman crush wenezday sir. Shebi you can epp me to promote her sir. Tainz pic.twitter.com/CqCeludeLz
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 17, 2016
14. When two students were doing one or two things outside school.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode è-Sir I just want to confam. Are students allowed 2be doin telemundo on d lekki espress? pic.twitter.com/2jHXii9oUO
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 18, 2016
15. When an officer had to first take one for the ‘gram.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, 2-Fighting sir. But Instead of ur officer to epp, he’s doing clarans peters sir. pic.twitter.com/vqMf48u5MY
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 17, 2016
16. Everybody loves Akara.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, it seems your expatriates are not feeding well, this one line up for akara here sir. pic.twitter.com/DpjGwJwass
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 15, 2016
17. The suppliers of banter on Nigerian Twitter.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, Names of noise makers this Morin sir:@PeterPsquare @judeengees @lindaikeji (x4)@benmurraybruce (x7)
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 17, 2016
18. This one-of-a-kind entourage.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode Sir, D Lane u resav for ur big big bus, I obsarve some Convoy still normally use it. pic.twitter.com/0yA6MUCrwq
— Lagos Class Captain (@AmbodeObsarver) February 17, 2016
19. When they were in support of feminism.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode I obsarve ur good work on gender equality but It apyas salary increase will make her Appi pic.twitter.com/80uwNTrynx
— Class Captain (@classkaptain) February 16, 2016

20. This man chose to have a luxury shower in a public Lagos garden.

#HelloSir @AkinwunmiAmbode dis Oshogbo weed is getin outof hand sir, dis gentuman is bafin in ur garden. On mainroad pic.twitter.com/Iro3KtyqvT
— Class Captain (@classkaptain) February 16, 2016

Maryam

February 22, 2016

Oldies

Ambode, Nigeria, nigerian twitter, Twitter
Today has been a big day for Nigerians as the Ministerial Screening went live. Unless you have been living under a rock (or you are not on twitter) you may have missed the trends #MinisterialList, #MinisterialScreening and #MinisterialConfirmation.

But don’t worry! We are here to inform you.

All day twitter has been singing the praises of Lagos Ex-Governor, Babatunde Fashola.

Fashola owned and schooled the senate today!

https://twitter.com/smugdisguise/status/654268641958076416

I hope the 36 state governors are watching Fashola's screening and taking notes.

— Tolu Ogunlesi, MON (@toluogunlesi) October 14, 2015

He turned the screening into the best lecture Nigerians have had in a while.

Shiiiiii! Don't distract me. I'm in class. Fashola is speaking.

— Funmi Iyanda (@Funmilola) October 14, 2015

He turned men into sheep.

Fashola Tames The Unruly. Tamed Lagos, Just Look At Them. Glued & Thinking At Least. #MinisterialConfirmation

— GERALD| (@mrakinposh) October 14, 2015

Caused young boys to insult their fathers.

"@emma_dele: Dad: "No be your mate dey come first and win scholarship?"

Son : "No be your mate be Fashola?"

Dad: pic.twitter.com/XYZLdw7M3b"

— JÅ█▬█ EED (@Mujahid012) October 14, 2015

He turned senators into Hip-Hop stans.

https://twitter.com/SirJourneyBravo/status/654272572171886596?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

And made Jonathan supporters cry.

https://twitter.com/idomagirl/status/654264972680171520

The streets are waiting for BRF’s mixtape to drop.

"@nickleke: See ehn,
I expect to find Fashola's screening being sold on CDs in lagos traffic.
Thank me later."lmfaooo

— Ela Allasoka (@elaleewinsky) October 14, 2015

https://twitter.com/seyitaylor/status/654263286939144192

Fashola even inspired people to think before they speak.

Every time you listen to Fashola you come away knowing he's thought deeply about most of the issues he talks about #winning

— Tolu Ogunlesi, MON (@toluogunlesi) October 14, 2015

He made his intelligence known. In case you naively forgot!

Fashola answered every question so articulately and intelligently! #BRF was & will always be the man. Ambode needs serious tutorial.

— Abike Ade 🍔🍟🍩 (@ALagosBabe) October 14, 2015

He dropped wise words on the senate.

Fashola: We can't borrow to pay salaries, we can't borrow to run generators. Instead of borrowing to run gen I will invest in a power plant

— Tolu Ogunlesi, MON (@toluogunlesi) October 14, 2015

And spoke on violence against women.

Fashola speaking on the violation of women and how the government needs to work harder to stop it. BAE FOREVER AND EVER

— Jola (@Jollz) October 14, 2015

He spoke wisely on the debt and finance management issue.

Ladies and Gentlemen I hope you now understand the concept of DEBT?!
Blood of God, BRF is intelligent!!
󾮞󾮞󾮞󾮞󾮞"

— Ola Wale (@DesignMVP) October 14, 2015

Did you watch fashola get screened?…that man is CONFAM#..HIS conclusion on debt financing and management was awesome…GO FASH#

— EatGoodStuff.plena (@tobi_hamzat) October 14, 2015

And made us think maybe he should be more than a minister.

As it stands o, even a ministerial position might not be enough for BRF

— its all ❤️ 🖕 (@oria_bure) October 14, 2015

Lagosians even want him back as governor.

https://twitter.com/manmustwack/status/654252518663417856

People were willing to do anything to make sure they heard Fashola at the screening.

Dear NEPA, even if you take light, I go on gen inside rain. Fashola must be heard. #MinisterialScreening

— King (@TheYemiKing) October 14, 2015

Fashola of life!

Damilola

October 14, 2015

Citizen

Ambode, Buhari, fashola, Ministers List, Twitter

Lagos has been rated the third most stressful city in the entire world.

Lagos has pushed a lot of us to the edge at one point or another. We might have adapted or in the process of adaptation.

If you’ve ever been stuck in traffic that was literally on hold for hours, you would understand that patience is very important to maintain your sanity sometimes.

While you’re stuck in traffic, you turn on the radio just to hear some “wanna gonna”, while you strain your ears to catch up.

But eating fantastic food at a low cost is an extreme sport in Lagos.

If you happen to live on the island, rain is probably not your best friend. When it rains, it pours, and floods.

Let’s focus on rent for a minute, from finding the house, to affording the bills, all I have to say is..

And then if you don’t own a car, transportation is an extreme sport in Lagos. I want to talk about the cost but I also want to talk about the stress of even getting buses itself.

If you have not had an encounter or know someone that has had an encounter or heard stories about Sarz officials, do you even leave in Lagos?

We always wonder why there are so many people in Lagos or why so many plan to move here? Like why is Lagos so overpopulated?

Some Nigerians feel this ban will have a negative impact on the economy.

Some think Lagos state government should’ve done something about the agberos who are a bigger menace.

The hawkers on the streets aren’t hawking because they have better options.

How else are these hawkers supposed to survive?

Some are of the opinion that banning hawkers will not ultimately turn Lagos into a megacity.

These hawkers should be provided with employment alternatives.

Because without a means to survive, many people will resort to crime.

Hawkers do what they do because they have no other choice.

Because these traders played a big part during the election season.

How will Lagosians get through the ridiculous traffic?

Some people even made ridiculous suggestions.

Eyah! Gala manufacturers won’t like this development.

Somebody can’t even buy Ewa Agoyin again.

So people could go to prison for buying ordinary handkerchief.

We hope the Lagos state government takes into consideration the negative impact this ban will have on hawkers if another option for education or employment is not provided.

From the streets of Lagos and fingers from Twitter is this hilarious self-proclaimed Lagos class captain.

1. Reporting everything to the Governor of course.

2. When there were too many men in the club.

3. This sculpture at Ikeja Underbridge.

4. Okadas carrying only their kind…other okadas.

5. When love was found on the streets of Ojuelegba.

6. This really weird car accident.

7. And the greatest haircut of 2016.

8. Some people swore they were Chuck Norris.

9. When Vic-O wanted in on the action.

10. This jab at Korede Bello.

11. The fastest runner in Lagos traffic.

12. Sometimes men of the law take leaks in front of people’s houses.

13. The woman every Lagosian loves.

14. When two students were doing one or two things outside school.

15. When an officer had to first take one for the ‘gram.

16. Everybody loves Akara.

17. The suppliers of banter on Nigerian Twitter.

18. This one-of-a-kind entourage.

19. When they were in support of feminism.

20. This man chose to have a luxury shower in a public Lagos garden.

Fashola owned and schooled the senate today!

He turned the screening into the best lecture Nigerians have had in a while.

He turned men into sheep.

Caused young boys to insult their fathers.

He turned senators into Hip-Hop stans.

And made Jonathan supporters cry.

The streets are waiting for BRF’s mixtape to drop.

Fashola even inspired people to think before they speak.

He made his intelligence known. In case you naively forgot!

He dropped wise words on the senate.

And spoke on violence against women.

He spoke wisely on the debt and finance management issue.

And made us think maybe he should be more than a minister.

Lagosians even want him back as governor.

People were willing to do anything to make sure they heard Fashola at the screening.