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You can text it all day, get fast replies and be sure it won’t ghost you.
Become more romantic
Being a big ball of romance is finally only a few prompts away. Just ask Claude AI to tell you what sweet words to say at every point in time. Isn’t God good all the time?
Shoot more shots without needing more rizz
Connected to our previous point, your work rate will go up because dead pickup lines will no longer be part of your story. Think about it.
Settle every fight before they happen
Imagine your partner sends you a long pdf about something you did, and you just don’t have the time to read it. You can have AI write you a response in the sweetest tone possible. Just copy-paste, and your relationship problem is solved.
In fact, your whole relationship can be on autopilot
Just imagine using an AI chatbot to send replies to your partner all day? You can finally ghost in peace without them even noticing you’re gone.
More time on your hands
What if you just want to sleep, and your partner is why you can’t? What if you just want a break without the break-up? With the effective use of AI, you can now eat your cake and have it.
Gift ideas won’t require much thought
You can finally outsource to AI, the answer to the question, “What do you give someone who has everything?” and focus on actually saving to buy that thing. You still score points for being thoughtful.
You can safely vent at chatGPT
If you’re the kind of person who has issues with being vulnerable to other humans, how about being vulnerable to a machine that can talk back? Just ask it to mimic your therapist, and you can be rest assured you’re in a safe space.
We used to think village people were the problem, and for a period, they might have been. But now, it’s artificial intelligence (AI). While you’re crying and fighting PHCN, shitty internet providers and all the many weapons Nigeria has fashioned against you, your employer is asking ChatGPT to write a draft of your termination letter.
So instead of dragging a job with AI, why don’t you just find something it can’t steal?
So as AI is coming for our jobs, what we doing next guys?
Even if you don’t agree, your Nigerian parents have you as their retirement plan. So maybe it’s time to consider having kids who’ll send you monthly allowances for bringing them to life. The only thing AI will get from Nigerians is unending requests because hospitals don’t have enough space for women’s antenatal, talkless of AI’s.
Pro: You’ll reap the fruits of your labour literally.
Do you know how much people make from selling akara? Sure AI can write a 1500-word article from a single prompt, but you see that roadside akara recipe? It can only be passed down through generations. So get a small space in front of your house, and people will come and beg you to take their money in exchange for hot oily akara.
Pro: You’ll only have to work mornings and evenings, and people will pay you in cash.
If we’ve seen anything these past few months, it’s that POS people are the real ballers. They don’t just make you beg them to take your money, they’re also quick to change it for you if you try nonsense. So while AI can tell you where the money is, only POS people possess the power needed to actually dispense the cash.
Pro: Everybody will be rushing you
Con: You may have to sleep overnight at the bank to get cash
Become a bridesmaid or groomsman for hire
With the number of owambes in Nigeria, this cash cow is waiting to be discovered. Even if you don’t want a wedding, try burial ceremonies; at least you’ll finally be able to put all your tears to good use. The best part is AI will even give you ideas on how to land new clients, because that’s its job.
Whether you want to be a politician or an agbero aid, it doesn’t matter. Just have a structure, and you’re good to go. You think AI can compete with the photoshopping, church tours, snatching of ballot boxes or any of the craziness that goes on in Nigerian politics? Lol, AI is all about living the soft life inside behind a screen so it’ll leave all that drama for you to deal with.
Pro: You don’t even have to do any work
Con: They’ll constantly drag you online
Become a babalawo
This job requires little capital; just get a red cloth, black eyeliner, white chalk,a mirror and throw in some cowries for a little razzle-dazzle. We’d like to see an AI attempt to turn someone into a tuber of yam or harvest the left testicle of a mosquito to use for money rituals.
Pro: You can punish all your haters Con: You’re always a step away from madness
