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Have you ever felt like you’re in the wrong body? Like they got your age wrong at the hospital and now you’re being forced to adult even though you clearly identify with a different generation?
Growing older is a fun thing, but sometimes we don’t realise just how much we’ve grown. Here’s why we have some unmissable signs that show you’ve grown older.
1) People put “Aunty” before your name
Once upon a time, the people younger than you referred to you as “sister”. Now, those same people call you “Aunty”. In fact, the number of people calling you “Aunty” have increased.
2) You know all the family secrets
When your parents randomly start spilling tea about your family to you, that’s a huge sign that you’ve grown older. At least, with age comes the knowledge that the cousins you thought died actually ran away to marry each other.
3) Tiny purses switch to big bags
The older you get, the bigger your bags. Gone are the days you’d be going for a quick lunch and you’d walk around with tiny purses and mini bags. Now, you carry bags that have things ranging from your laptop, to your medication.
4) Most of your hangouts with friends are at children’s birthday parties and owambes
It’s basically impossible to have all your friends together in one place now — except that place is a child’s birthday party. The older you get, the more children’s parties and owambes you’re invited to. You’ll probably even attend more children’s parties as an older “aunty” than when you were a child.
It starts with you buying one in a simple colour like black or brown. Before you know it, you’re hoarding enough to be called Josephine with the coats of many colours. They become your goto more for comfort than for style.
6) Your phone rings a lot at the end of the month
Gone are the days when you were a baby girl living off of your family members. Now, it’s their turn to live off of you. The older you get, the stronger the hold black tax has on your neck.
7) Nigerian Aunty phrases are all that’s in your vocabulary
Once you start telling children, “Do you remember me?” or complaining that their noise is too loud”, then you’re fully manifesting 30+ energy. You’ve basically metamorphosed into a Nigerian Aunty and we’re proud of you.
Not only is that when you can take a break from work, but also when you can quickly catch up with your girlfriends that work near you. Plus, you’re kuku too busy for any other meal of the day.
9) They start using you as role model
People start telling their children to be more like you, to learn from you and whatnot. You that you’re still trying to figure out this life thing? It’s just that they don’t know you’re very good at acting like everything is okay. It’s fake life please.
If “Oh Lord, I want to look younger than my age” has been your prayer point for a while now, it’s time to receive the answer in Jesus name. No need to go on dry fasting anymore. Just follow these tips to look younger than your age till people start to beg for your secret.
1. Avoid “Mary amaka” clothes
When it’s not like you are auditioning for a role as somebody’s mother.
2. Avoid being born in Nigeria
Tell the angels to reassign you by whatever means possible because Nigeria will have you looking fifty at 22.
3. Divorce stress
It has only wrinkles and health wahala to offer you. What you need is a baby girl or boy lifestyle.
4. Throw away your makeup box
If you want the “I-woke-up-like-this no make-up look, then your make-up box actually has to go. The younger you want to look, the less you should have on your face.
5. Avoid eating eba
That food is ghetto, and anyone who offers it to you hates you. Do this all your life and old age will have nothing on you.
6. Ditch tired wigs
We painstakingly watched “Swallow” and identified the kind of tired wigs you should avoid. Unless you want to look as tired as the wigs, go for another look.
7. Use camera filters
Life doesn’t have to be so hard. If you urgently need a fix for looking ten decades younger, then simply befriend the filters on all your social media apps. Problem solved.
8. Throw your phone away
Depending on how badly you want to look younger, this shouldn’t be hard to do. Here’s why: all those late nights spent pressing your phone could be channeled into getting your beauty sleep and rest. This is one of the secrets to looking vibrant, young and fresh. If you like, say it’s a lie.
9. Invent a time machine…
…But for age-related concerns. All you need to do is to permanently set the machine to a particular time when you believe you looked younger. Sweet sixteen here you come.
10. Avoid this kind of make-up
In the name of everything you hold dear, don’t do this to yourself, sis. If throwing away your make-up box as suggested in tip four above is too extreme, the least you can do is get a pro make-up artist to do right by your face.
11. Stop wearing “to match”
You don’t want to come off as desperate, love. Subtlety is best.
12. Avoid gbese
Being an onigbese will age you faster than Nigeria ever can. Pay all your debts today and let those distributing young looks locate you.
13. Know your angles
Maybe the reason why you look older in photos is because you don’t know your angles. You need to befriend a photographer ASAP to put an end to that.
14. Learn how to crack jokes
People won’t notice that you look older when they’re busy slapping their thighs and kikiki-ing. Pinky swear.
15. Shave your head
Although, before you do so, here are some things you should know about going bald. A shaved head creates an illusion of looking way younger than you actually are. You could ditch tired wigs for this, yes?
16. Drink your early morning pee
This is the big secret all the cosmetologists and experts have been keeping from you, but here you are, discovering it for free. Go and do the needful.
17. Avoid Yoruba men
They will disgrace you and add ten years to your look by the time they’re done toying with your heart. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
18. Fake it till you make it
You’ve been hearing that you can be anything you set your mind to be, yes? Now’s the time to believe and act on it.
We’ve spoken with some Nigerians to find out what it’s like looking younger than their age. Today, you’ll hear from Nigerian women who look older and how they navigate this in their daily lives.
Read on.
Christine, 22.
9 out of 10 people are bound to be surprised when I tell them my age. Most times, I literally have to show some form of evidence before they believe me. They usually guess that I’m 3 years older or more. Now, at 22 people think I’m 25. The good thing is that when I was a teenager, I could easily pretend I was older and get away with it.
On the downside, almost every guy I have talked to or become friends with has mentioned being intimidated because they assumed from my looks that I was older. Now, I’m more comfortable with my real age as I’m in no hurry to turn 25 yet. I want to be one of those women who look so young at 40 that people get surprised when they find out I have kids.
Chinenye, 18.
You would never guess my age from the way I talk or dress – I appear mature. Unless on occasions when I decide to act childish. The fact that I had a fast education contributed too; I completed SSCE at 16, got an admission into a polytechnic, and later got admitted into a university at 18. Majority of my friends and coursemates are older than me, but I don’t tell them my age. Sometimes when I do, some of them don’t believe me or their attitude towards me sort of changes. Looking older than my age is a flex sha, because it brings respect. All these secondary school kids that are my mates won’t dare call me by name. Also, the men who toast me are usually married men who want to be my sugar daddy. Not that they interest me anyway. There was a time I couldn’t even find someone my age among all the toasters in my DM.
I finally got into a relationship with someone 8 years older than me though. When we just started talking, my boyfriend thought I was older, and I had to keep repeating that I’m 18. With time, he came to believe it, but this restricted sex in our relationship. He likes the fact that I am young, and by the time I will be done with school, he’ll be established. That’s another flex because he is running his PhD program now, and when he is done he will start working and be able to save up for us to start a family. Honestly, it’ll be nice to enjoy money that I didn’t work for while I look for a job. I deserve to be taken care of after all.
Pelumi, 20.
I’ve been hearing, “You look older than your age” almost all my life. But I became more aware of it at my workplace. Almost all my colleagues assumed I’m around 25 or so, until my last birthday which I celebrated at the office. A couple of them were impressed with how far I’ve come at my age, but others started acting all weird, especially my team lead, but I really don’t get it. They were fine before knowing my age, and I’m efficient at my job. So, what’s the big deal? Thinking about it now, it appears people believe only those older or the same age as them deserve to be respected. Once they sniff you’re a younger person, it’s as though you should be denied a seat at the table. Omo. That’s their business. I’m out to grab all the seats I can before turning 25!
Nike, 18.
I didn’t pay attention to it when I was younger, because I was one of the smallest in my class, but then it started getting annoying as I got older. At one point, I just started adding 2 years to my age when people asked because I got tired of explaining. It was that annoying! An obviously bigger person would come and tell me, a 10 year old, that I look older than her. Ma? Is chewing gum on your eye?! I hate all the taunts from people my age and elderly people who don’t know how to mind their business. I also have to deal with perverts who think it’s okay for them to make crude jokes because I look big. The funny thing is that it has nothing to do with my genes, because we have people who look small in my family. It’s more about my body structure. And although I look older physique-wise, if you look closely at my face, you’ll notice that I’m pretty young. I do like the respect that comes with it. People who I know are definitely older, add “ma” when greeting me. The feeling is sweet! I bask in it and use my big aunty voice to reply to them, and it works every time. I love that thrill, but there are people who are so mannerless. They ask questions like, “If you look this big at your age, how will you look when you grow older?” blah blah blah. All of which made me really insecure for a long time.
Tare, 18.
Looking back, I realise that I grew up so fast and I’ve always preferred hanging out with older people seeing as my age mates only know how to talk crap. I also looked older than my elder sister when we were in secondary school. She attending a boarding school didn’t help, because the typical Nigerian boarding school makes you look like hell. I had to skip 3 classes at my own school, so all my friends ended up being older and I had to grow up to match them. Presently, it’s my 14 year-old sister who looks older than I and my 20 year-old sister. Guys always comment on her body and try to get her number when we go out, and I have to constantly tell them she’s a kid. It’s one of the reasons I stopped posting her picture online. As for me, I don’t usually tell people my age. I let they assume I’m older because I want to do grownup things, lol. From my observations, no guy wants to go out with a small girl.
You know those people you meet every once in while who look so young that you can’t help but stare wide-eyed with surprise when they reveal their actual age?
Well, I spoke with 12 Nigerians on what reality is like for them in that regard. What exactly are the pros and cons of looking younger than your age?
Read on to find out.
Bolu, 24, F
Back then in university, most people assumed I was about 18 and they always looked shocked when I said 15. When I was between the ages of 18-21, people started assuming I had just finished WAEC. Years after that, they’d see my sister and I together and assume she gave birth to me. There was a day I went to the embassy with my mum and sister and had to wait outside because I didn’t have an interview. When they came out, someone turned to my sister, assuming she’s my mum and asked why I can’t travel with her during the holidays to my embarrassment. Another disadvantage of looking younger than my age is outings — I always get the aren’t-you-too-young-to-be-here look, and I swear to God, it ruins my search for a sugar mummy. On the advantageous side, people get shocked when we go out and my sister looks at me to pay. They always have this shocked face. I can literally move around with gadgets or even cash worth 1 million Naira and nobody would guess. Work wise, people can be disrespectful. So, I like the look on their faces when my boss directs them to me and says, “She’s in charge.” It’s priceless.
Debbie, 21, F
Anyone seeing me for the first time assumes I’m a teenager of 16 or 17 years to be precise. I like seeing the surprise on people’s faces when they hear my real age which makes them respect me. The earliest memory I have of my small stature being an issue was when I just became a teenager. There were two of my brother’s age mates in my church who thought they could bully me because they looked older. They didn’t know me as his sister until one day when they saw us talking. Eventually, they got to know that I’m older than him. Since then, whenever they see me, they regard me with respect. When I was in 100 level, a lecturer saw me and asked what I was doing in the university at my young age. He thought I was 15 because of my stature, and was surprised when I told him I was 19. One thing I can say I do not like about my stature is that, whenever I see big people, I tend to always call them with respect while they regard me as their junior. Then whenever I get to discover we’re age mates or I’m older than them, it becomes difficult for me to stop regarding them as being older. Asides this, I’m kind of okay with my stature.
Gabriel, 26, M
It’s been a blessing more than a curse. I hardly ever get in trouble because I don’t look so young. I can easily pass for a first year student in any university and get into a lot of places by looking like a clueless undergraduate. It’s just nice overall. In relationships though, it was kind of an issue. Most girls wanted some one that looked like he could take on Thanos and John Wick, and having a baby face doesn’t help. Many girls don’t want to look older than their partners. I think that’s why they want guys 5 years+ older than them. Also, looking younger got in the way of ordering alcohol at pubs or bars. I’d have to show my ID and that sucks sometimes. I remember one incident when I was 19 and thought I could order on a flight. This air hostess told me I was underage and I just kept quiet and asked for juice. I’m over it now. My beard is coming out and I’m dating a beauty. So, it’s all balanced.
Lara, 27, F
No one ever believes I’m 27, because I’m 5’0. It does make me feel somehow sometimes, but then I get to meet people who love my stature. They mention how I’d still be looking like a young girl when I’m old. On most occasions though, I get disrespected by people who are way younger than me. I have a very sharp mouth that compensates for my stature. So, when a younger person talks to me with disrespect, it’s either I don’t answer or I look at them with that Nigerian mother kind of eyes for the person to sense that they are being annoying. There are times I call people by their names and they look at me like, “Can’t you call me aunty?” Me that I’m in my late 20s. As a yoruba girl, respect is a very vital part of our culture, so I’m always quick to call people “aunty” and things like that.
Samantha, 20, F
I think when I was 15, I was the second smallest in the whole SS3. Now, at 20, getting clothes in the right fit is always very stressful. I love that my stature makes me look so young, but then that is also what I don’t like about it. Everybody keeps saying I’m so young and my education is fast, but I know they say this not because of my age but because of my stature. I also don’t like when people keep asking any friend I walk with if I’m their younger sister. People keep saying I should start eating, and it makes me wonder, “Did I tell you I’ve been fasting?”
Lola, 25, F
When people first discover my age, they go through feelings of shock, disbelief and then this weird facial expression. Afterwards, they begin to treat me with respect or like I’m 30, and the shift in the relationship would be very obvious. I like that I look evergreen. When others are looking 35, I’ll be looking younger than my age. I’ll be the definition of “black don’t crack.” I am proud of my stature. The only thing is that sometimes, I am reluctant to say my age out loud; it reminds me that I’m really getting old and shouldn’t let my body deceive me. As someone who looks younger than their age, aside from still fitting into your favorite clothes of years ago, it sucks to see you didn’t grow much. Or people mistaking your younger ones for your seniors. If I could change anything, it’ll probably be to just add more flesh.
Debo, 27, M
All my crushes never saw me as a man, just their junior brother. They always say they’re not interested in me, even before I say hello. So, I just lock up most of the time. That’s why I leave my facial hair. At least, it adds a little bit of maturity to my face, if not they’d say I look 17. And my mom always says I never dropped the face I had as a baby. Even a colleague at work debated my age due to how I look facially. I’ve been given all kinds of tips for growing a beard. Some people said I should use spirit. I guess it works, but I’ve never tried it.
Fifi, 23, F
I am quite short and skinny, but not many people notice it though because my late grandma gifted me big boobs and chubby cheeks. People are quick to assume I am an innocent teenager, but I am really twenty-three years old. I get to hear, “You are so wise beyond your age” from those who think I am fifteen. Somehow, they think that’s a compliment. Lol. One time, a boy of thirteen came to greet me and he slapped my head to say hi. I was so embarrassed that day. I fear finding a partner may be difficult. My specs probably see me as underaged, while my peers think I am wiser than them and won’t consider me.
Yetunde, 19, F
I look four years younger than my age. I don’t think there’s anything good about it these days, especially now that people respect you based on how your body looks. Majority being guys.The only upside is that I know when I grow older, I’ll look younger than my age too. My landlord’s children disrespect me because I look like we’re age mates. Mind you, these children are just 13, 14 and 16. The sixteen year old looks like she’s my elder sister, so it’s easy for her to disrespect me. Even my younger sister looks older than me. Everywhere we go, it’s the same story — people think I’m her junior. It can be painful.
Tayo, 25, M
What I love about having a small stature is that I don’t get saddled with unnecessary responsibilities. Everyone just assumes I’m the youngest wherever I find myself, so it’s sort of a relief getting let off the hook. I do hate the constant comparison with my sister who is twice my size, but is 3 years my junior. Also, when I’m out with my friends it’s always as if I don’t quite fit in because everyone just looks bigger.
Blessing, 24, F
My earliest memory of feeling out of place about my stature has to be in primary 3. I was always the smallest in class, and they called me “smallie.” Everybody treated me like a baby. During teenage years, when people were getting taller, I realised that I was still small. Then came the family members asking “Don’t you eat? Can’t you see this person is growing and looks healthy? Maybe you should eat enough beans.” They constantly monitored my weight and compared me to other people’s children. When you feel down in the dumps, they also ask if you are sick or treat you differently. It appears people believe once you have a small stature, then maybe you are unhealthy. It’s just recently that some people began to accept the fact that not everyone is meant to look big.
Evelyn, 22, F
I don’t like that I often get mistaken for a secondary school student. On the other hand, being able to still fit perfectly into clothes I’ve had for close to 7 years is a flex. That makes me like my stature sometimes. It’s like being forever young. I mean, what are we using old age to do anyway? But then, most guys automatically think I need protection. I don’t get it. Why do they think of that first? Did I tell them I need protecting? How do you see someone for the first time, and the first thing you say is, “It’ll be so easy to carry you and hang you somewhere”? Is that supposed to be a compliment? Also, most men think when they see girls that are small in size then it’s a perfect opportunity to bring their sexual fantasies to life. I’m honestly tired of hearing, “You’re small.” I already know. What do you want me to do about it? Or when I’m eating and people say things like, “No matter how much you eat, you’ll still not grow tall.” Everything eventually comes down to your size.
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Is your soulmate younger than you, older than you or the same age as you? Well, if you answer this quiz truthfully, we’ll tell you the age of the partner you should be looking out for. And as you must know by now, Zikoko never lies.
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Whether it is in Lagos or Lokoja, your youth is usually the best time of your life.
Which explains why it’s easy to get lost in it.
Fortunately, when the sands of time start running down, life will let you know you’re getting old.
We won’t say we can relate, but here are a few hints you should take note of.
Congrats, you’re a daddy now.
As they say, charity starts at home. The first sign is when the children in your compound graduate from calling you “Uncle” to “Daddy”.
You can’t find clothes for your age bracket
Staying fresh in Lagos is a must, but what can you do when you step in the boutique and all the GUCCI and Supreme looks like children’s costumes? Just go and sew native.
Everything feels like a chore.
When you’re always tired of being tired.
“Brother Jerry, Singles meet-up on Tuesday”
You never know about these events until your church-going neighbour decides it’s time for you to go and marry.
All your faves are no longer hosting shows
They told you to go to Freedom Park. That you’d find some good live music. Nobody said you’d see a young woman in dreadlocks singing about Ice-Cream and Poison. Did Tony Tetuila move back to Ilorin?
Policemen put respek on your age
“Good morning Sir. Come out of the vehicle plis. Can I have your keys, please?”
“Kneel down, raise up your hands and close your eyes”
You’re always the captain of your set
Gone are the days when you had to come to the field first or buy the ball. Now they won’t even start if you’re not there, even if you’re the reason they can’t score.
Do they really think you’re Yoda?
Reminds me of a friend who wonders why people come to him for advice. I just can’t tell him it’s because we want to be like him when we grow up. I’m not that kind of person.
While you still have age on your side, what do you most enjoy about being young? Tell us in the comments.
I’m pretty sure we can! So don’t let your taste go to waste! Answer these questions about your taste in Nigerian food and let the Zikoko oracle do the rest!
