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1. When they tell you to go and bring your slippers but disappear before you get back.
African leaders get us excited then jet out of the country at the last minute, very disappointing.
2. How your parents never tell you where exactly they’re going no matter how much you ask.
Same way, you’ll hear “President XYZ traveled on “diplomatic relations” but the purpose of those journeys are almost always unknown.
3. After flogging you mercilessly, they ask if you have eaten.
African leaders put their citizens through fuel scarcity, erratic supply of electricity but conveniently say they have the interests of their people in mind, “the people are wonderful people”, who wonder don epp?
4. Can you talk back at your parents, or rather do you want to die untimely?
You cannot criticize an African leader openly. Are you in doubt? Okay try yelling how you really feel about your president at a rally then come and tell us the outcome.
5. They help us “hold our money” like our darling African parents.
All the taxes they help us keep and ‘save’ or invest in the ‘safest’ places.
6. They hate how constant and active we are on social media.
“Always pressing your phone”. Ever heard of the Social Media bill? Well African leaders are irked by the constant use of social media by youths and don’t seem to understand the many advantages of using social media.
7. They tell us how ‘perfect’ they were in their younger days and how they never attended parties.
Meanwhile, most of the vices practiced today were passed down to us from them. *Sips tea*
8. When our parents say “Oya let us go” but still manage to keep you waiting for another hour…
African leaders are the beginning and end of wasting time. They’ll promise to build a road in 4 weeks, but only complete the project in nothing short of 6 years.
9. Remember how mummy and daddy promised to “think about it” when you proposed a brilliant idea to them?
Now, think of all the times our leaders said “We are looking into it”, “We will end fuel scarcity”, “All hands are on deck”, “We are working on a permanent solution”.
10. Our African leaders always tell us how broke the country is and how humble their personal bank accounts are.
But guess what? They manage to slay to every event, find that money to travel and host so many visitors.
Are we right or are we right?
Africa hasn’t really invested in science and it shows. Scientists tend to solve problems they know have wide applications in their environments. Because of that, many problems peculiar to Africa have remained unsolved for decades…But imagine if a scientist like Einstein was African, he might work on a whole different set of problems like…
1. An early warning system for when your mum is about to slap you
A way of calculating atmospheric pressure around your mum’s hands and letting you know when it changes so that you know to duck.
2. A ‘love’ potion for African parents
Because African parents will never willingly say I’m sorry OR I love you.
3. A body odour neutraliser
Since everyone has refused to wear deodorant in this heat, we’d have a substance that neutralizes the poisonous body odour from others. Billions of African noses will be saved!
4. A ‘Kini’ translator (mind reading device)
Your Nigerian mother is convinced that you understand what “Bring me my kini” means. Because as far as she is concerned, she gave birth to a mind reader. This device will decode all your mother’s mannerisms to save your African ass from a beating.
5. A Yoruba boy warning system
Since Yoruba boys don’t actually have to be Yoruba boys. You gats be prepared!
6. An African accent identifier
Actor in Hollywood movie speaking in generic African accent:“My name is Babatunde Johnson.”African accent identifier: “This is NOT a Nigerian accent, I repeat, this is NOT a Nigerian accent. Replace actor immediately. Suggestion – David Oyelowo.”
7. Self-cleaning weaves
Because… haba..
8. ‘Two heads’ to help you pass in school
Dad: “Jolade that came first, does she have two heads?”
You:*Heads to Jumia.com to order an extra head ?*
9. Air conditioners that run on ‘I beta pass my neighbour’
Because this heat is demonic..
10. A 24-hour monitoring system for parents and girlfriends
Complete with a voice that says “remember the son of whom you are” everywhere you go.
11. An Oyinbo food Africanizer
For all those times you’re craving real pepper but you’re stuck with the 10th sandwich this week.
12. A makeup face printer
Instead of spending 1 hour to get a beat face, just use this machine to print your make up sharp sharp! Copy and paste.
13. Kenyan running gene transplant
Because Kenyans outrun everybody and other Africans will appreciate getting the Kenyan running gene transplant. Simple.
14. Petrol-to-your-door delivery service
Order online. Delivery within 24 hours depending on distance. Because somebody cannot come and die from queueing in this hot sun abeg!
15. Actual special effects for Nollywood action scenes
Hay God! We can’t continue like this. Look at how they destroyed the Ghanian folktale, Anansi The Spider!?
16. An allergen that makes African presidents allergic to overstaying their term
Because African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death or allergy… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc
Now imagine a world where the next Einstein is African
Africa is transforming. Touch screen cardio pads that connect rural citizens to important care. Urine tests that detect malaria. Rapid diagnostic tests that detect Ebola. mPesa and other digital financial platforms that facilitate financial inclusion. Major solar energy projects in Morocco and Rwanda. The light rail in Ethiopia. The Square Kilometre Array, arguably set to be the world’s biggest telescope, in South Africa.
Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation.
We’re looking for 1 million signatures. Pledge your signature.
Africa hasn’t really invested in science and it shows. Scientists tend to solve problems they know have wide applications in their environments. Because of that, many problems peculiar to Africa have remained unsolved for decades… But imagine if a scientist like Einstein was African, he might work on a whole different set of problems like…
