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I used to take myself to a high-end restaurant immediately salary entered. It started when I got my first job in 2013 with bukas. Then I moved to fast-food spots and proper restaurants as my money grew.
I started living alone in 2018, and increased responsibilities shook this tradition, but I kept at it. My breaking point was when my rent increased from ₦800k/year to ₦1.6m in 2023. No one told me to budget first before anything else. I still spoil myself sometimes, but I do it with sense. High-end restaurants are now once in a blue moon.
Charles, 35
I love taking road trips. Since 2019, my idea of unwinding has been driving four to five hours from Ado-Ekiti to Lokoja to spend the weekend at least twice a month. Sometimes, I spend my time in Lokoja with relatives. Other times, I stay in a hotel and only come out in the evenings.
Since the fuel subsidy removal in 2023, I’ve only been to Lokoja once. A trip that typically cost me ₦15k – ₦20k fuel to and fro now costs ₦25k just to get to Lokoja. It’s not sustainable. I encourage myself by reasoning that the kidnapping situation has worsened, so I shouldn’t do road trips anyway.
Anu, 31
For a long time, my idea of self-care was trying out continental recipes I found online. It’s my way of travelling the world without actually travelling. But I’ve hardly cooked anything new since I started having kids in 2018. My children are picky eaters, and I hardly have time between taking care of them and working to even consider making extra meals. I only get to satisfy myself when they’re away on holiday.
Jen, 28
Food was once my go-to when I was stressed, bored, or sad; it made me feel better. But my metabolism is no longer what it was. At university, people always wondered how I could eat so much but stay skinny. Now, I can’t even breathe near shawarma if I don’t want to add 2kg.
My new form of self-care is exercising. I’ve been a regular gym goer since 2022, but my gym just increased their fee to ₦70k/month from ₦50k, and I’m considering doing my exercises at home instead.
Ima, 24
Ekpang Nkukwo is my favourite meal, and my mum made it almost every week when I was growing up. She’d also make it when she noticed I was unhappy, and I associated the meal with feeling better. Anytime I was on holiday from school, I’d call her on my way home and ask her to prepare it.
I started living alone in a different town because of work in 2023, and I thought I’d make the meal every weekend to congratulate myself for surviving the week. I’ve only made it once since then. The preparation stress no be here. Sleep is now my way of making up for a stressful week.
Jesse, 33
Since I started earning reasonably well in 2020, I’ve taken one full month’s salary a year to splurge on something I really want — mostly electronic gadgets. But I couldn’t do that in 2023 because of wedding preparations and my MBA studies. It doesn’t look like it’ll be possible this year too because I now have a family to consider. I’ll probably have to settle for splurging a small percentage rather than the full salary.
Ella, 26
Sleeping in during the weekends was my way of spoiling myself until I had a child in 2023. I make up for it by bingeing old movies to de-stress. And I try to squeeze in power naps as often as possible. Hopefully, I can resume sleeping in when my child gets older. Sleep is life.
The biggest women-only festival in Lagos is BACK. Get your tickets here for a day of fun, networking and partayyyyy
Were you a kid when “Christmas chicken” was an actual thing? If you were, how you spend your holidays has changed, and here’s how.
No more chicken
Christmas chicken was a thing in the old times. And if it still looks like you’ll eat some this holiday, adulthood hasn’t held your neck yet.
No Christmas clothes for you anymore
They’ve stopped gifting you all those cute clothes during holiday time. All you get now is sleep. In fact, your old pyjamas have become your Christmas clothes.
Or you have to buy them yourself
If you’re still into Christmas clothes, that’s your personal business because, again, nobody will buy them for you. Carry your 20+ self and pay for them if you want them.
Yo’re celebrating alone
This is the surest way to know you’ve entered adulthood. Your holidays are now mostly spent alone, chilling and scrolling through couple’s posts in matching pyjama sets.
You’re the one giving out Christmas money
If you’re celebrating with family, congrats. You’ve become those aunties and uncles you used to bill for Christmas money as a child. You’ll smile as you’re handing out the notes to your nephews or nieces, but deep down, you’re calculating everything.
You don’t even enjoy holidays anymore
This is just another long public holiday that’ll still end. But you take solace in the fact that you’ll sleep through it.
You’re constantly worried about January
You’ve been here many times, so you know the drill. December might be soft, but January is always brutal, and that’s what worries you.
For many young Nigerians, especially those with strict parents, moving out and gaining your freedom may be the only legit thing to look forward to in adulting.
But what happens when, for whatever reason, you have to move back in with your parents after getting a taste of freedom? And no, I’m not referring to the fake one where you move out for university but your parents still foot your bills.
I’m talking about moving back in after you’ve lived in the real world on your own. Are there changes to the relationship dynamics? I asked five people who’ve experienced this, and got interesting responses.
“I’m this close to breaking down”
— Fatima*, 29
I got separated from my abusive husband around December 2021 and moved back in with my parents (I’m still with them). My dad has been really supportive — he was the one who encouraged me to choose my life over marriage — but my mum is a whole other issue.
She doesn’t outrightly say anything, but I can tell she wishes I’d stayed with my husband. She’s steady dropping passive-aggressive hints. I work from home, so I’m always with her too. If I stay in the study for more than 30 minutes, she’ll start murmuring about how she’s the only one caring for the house, or how idle hands always cause trouble.
I’m honestly tired. I’m currently trying to save up as much as possible to rent my own place before I lose my mind.
I moved back in with my parents four months ago, after I was forcibly kicked out of my apartment because I owed rent. I had just lost my job, and finance was really tight. I struggled to share it with my parents, but they eventually found out and basically forced me to move back home.
I thought it’d be awkward, but it’s actually been great. My parents relate with me like friends — I guess this is because I’m now an adult — and they respect my space. I’m slowly getting my finances together and should get another place soon, but it’s not been bad.
“They respect me more”
— Olaedo*, 27
I moved back in with my parents in 2020 just before the lockdown, because I wanted to spend that period with them. The short stay eventually became somewhat permanent when I got laid off, and I eventually got another job close to my parent’s house in 2021.
I’ve noticed that they respect me more. They don’t police my decisions, and they seek out my input on important matters. The only side effect is, my mum wants me to get married tomorrow.
“Black tax wants to kill me”
— Gifty*, 26
I decided not to renew my rent in 2021 because my roommate got married, and I couldn’t afford it by myself. So, I had the bright idea to move back in with my parents and cut costs for a while.
Omo, it’s hard. My parents see me as an adult, which is true, but it means they expect me to provide for the house. I know I’m supposed to help out, but not to this extent, biko. Plus, I have younger siblings. Do the math.
“I feel like a part of their marriage”
— Dayo*, 27
I returned to Nigeria in April [2022] after spending six years in the UK, and decided to stay with my parents for a while.
It’s cool and all, but it suddenly made me realise their marriage isn’t as perfect as I thought it was. Now when they have issues, they take turns reporting each other to me, expecting me to take a side. I guess they feel like I’m old enough to take it, but I’d rather not be involved.
Subscribe to the SHIPS newsletter today for more stories that touch on everything about love, romance, sex, and basically every human relationship.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
There’s no winning with African parents. Depending on whether you’re the black sheep or the favourite child, there are two things involved.. If you’re the black sheep, you’re safe. If you’re the favourite child, there’s only one thing involved: they’ll stress your life.
How? Read on to find out.
Your siblings think you’re a snitch
This is how you look to them when they’re talking about something private and you try to join in.
Your parents rope you into being an actual snitch
They’ll come and disguise it as heart-to-heart talk but they really want is for you to start confessing the sins of your siblings.
You’re their retirement plan
Did you think being their favourite child is for free? You’ll pay for it with extra black tax, dear.
They’ll turn you to their gist partner by force
Sometimes you just want to sleep or be by yourself. Try telling that to an African parent when they want to gist about their friend whose child just got arrested by the police for stealing someone’s pet goat.
This is how you know you’re their favourite child: when you really start considering their feelings as an adult even though you want to do something else. You now have to hide that tattoo you got because you wanted them to think you’re still a child of God
They send you on way more errands
We all know sending you on errands is the love language of Nigerian parents. You’re only going to be getting more of that since you’re their favourite child.
They use you as the moral compass
You can’t stay out late with friends without them thinking you’ve grown wings. Even though you’re in the streets, you can only be making guest appearances because of eye service.
You become the third parent
To your siblings, you become a middle-aged Nigerian giving them life advice they didn’t ask for.
If you’re no longer sure what direction your relationship with your friend is going, here are seven signs to look out for that’ll let you know the relationship is coming to an end.
They almost always ghost you
They keep leaving you in the middle of conversations. If you check your text threads, it’s always you trying to reach out and heal the communication gap. It’s because they’ve already cut you off.
They no longer value your friendship, so they don’t feel compelled to keep secrets you tell them. Anyone and everyone is privy to your business.
There are gaps in information between you
You’re struggling to fill in pieces of information on the timeline of their life. It’s because they no longer tell you when important things happen to them. You’re out of the loop.
You struggle to hold conversations
On the few times you find a chance to link up or talk, you find it diffcult to talk about anything because you’re both overthinking what to say. It no longer feels natural.
They’re always trying to one-up you
Whenever you tell them something about yourself that makes you sad, they try to bring up something in their life to make you feel like your problems are not all that.
They’re always unavailable
Whenever you reach out to them for a chance to hangout, they’re suddenly unable to. It’s because they don’t want to spend time with you.
You constantly make excuses for them
Because they’re totally unavailable to you, you tend to cover up for their behaviour when you eventually get to spend time with them.
RELATED: Sunken Ships: Our Friendship Ended Because of My Childishness
They say the best things in life are free. And in our opinion, money is one of these things. So here are some tips on how to make money without necessarily working for it.
Participate in giveaways
With so much money to be won online, we wonder why you’d choose to suffer at any job. Some people already make a living this way. Better join the train.
Or at least, say you’re getting married. Do you know how much people pay for asoebi? When you tell them the wedding got cancelled, they’d pity you too much to ask for a refund.
Become a sugar baby
All you have to do is go to the right places and meet the right people. You might still have to ‘work’, but at least it’s the good kind.
Get two people to bring two people who’d bring another two. Nothing lasts forever, so they won’t be surprised when you say it crashed.
Be the last born
Everyone knows the only thing last-borns are good at is eating, sleeping and billing their older siblings for money they neither earned nor worked for.
No, not in the way you think… even though that could work too. Your body is a goldmine; you should be cashing out already. Whether it’s selling your eggs, sperm, blood, or organs, you’re sure to make a large sum.
Hear Me Out is a weekly limited series where Ifoghale and Ibukun share the unsolicited opinions some people are thinking, others are living, but everyone should hear.
I believe in having a healthy saving culture and putting some money away for when I ever need some immediate cash; it’s always good to have a backup plan. Take some of the money you get paid, put it away, watch it grow and spend it on whatever you saved it for.
However, if I save money, I’m going to perish. I need my money now. I need to spend it now. If you’re like me, who earns just about enough to last a few days, you realise that putting some cash aside is easier thought about than done.
Adulting comes with responsibilities like paying bills, saving for a master’s, thinking about your future, and for parents, your children’s demands. Luckily for me, I don’t have a lot to worry about. I live with my family, and most of my bills are taken care of (not like the people I live with have a choice).
All the money I earn is mine, and it’s not shared except I’m feeling generous. But like I said earlier, it’s not enough for me, which means it’s not enough to be shared. My mum talks about the importance of prudence, why I need to have better habits and how I’m privileged to be earning even though all I do is complain about how I could be making more. She’s Nigerian and has the Nigerian “be grateful for what you have” mindset. Please, don’t get me wrong, though. I am grateful for what I have.
A week ago, I realised I started using one of the pioneer saving apps for Nigerians in 2017. I told my sister about the app, and she got on it; she’s an avid saver. My sister went on to tell my mum about it, and my mum also got on the app, all of us saving for the rainy day. I opened the app to check how far I’ve come since I’ve been on this journey. It’s safe to say, all I’ve saved so far is my life.
When people ask me what my mantra for making bad decisions is, I say, “I’ve been broke before, and I didn’t die”, and that’s a fact. This won’t be my first rodeo, spending all my money for my immediate happiness. I like to look forward to deliveries, and I love when I spend money on things I like. A new dress, some skincare, and occasionally, food (I’m a couch potato who lives with family, so I rarely have to worry about food).
I know it’s unhealthy, but my happiness is tied to the things that cost money, the things I can’t save for. People who save money like to know they have a fallback; if they find themselves out of a job, there’s money somewhere, and if there’s a medical emergency, they know there’s money for it. It’s a shame to admit that my fallback option is “hello, dad”.
I have friends who pay rent, live by themselves, figure their shit out, and make enough to do all that, and sometimes, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I wonder how much I have to save and how many things I have to get rid of to be able to do that. Would earning more improve my saving culture if I balance my needs and wants better? I know myself. Earning more would make me want more things.
No matter how much money I save, I won’t save myself from my current tax bracket. I can’t save my way to becoming the wealthiest black woman in the world. All I can do is push my wants and needs to a later date and deprive myself of things. Holding off on gratification doesn’t mean it still won’t be done, so why don’t I get it done instantly?
I want to reward myself for a job well done, for a stressful week, for surviving, and I can only do that if I have money to spend right now. Don’t get me wrong, you can reward yourself as often as you like and still have some money left to save, but that’s not me. If I save this money, I will perish, and my happiness and productivity will tank. I feel good when I’m happy, I work best when I’m happy, I’m the best to be around when I’m happy, and when am I happy? When I have money to spend on things I like.
At the end of 2021, I checked my score on the saving app I use. I saw a C6 and laughed because I’d attempted to save some money during the year to avoid getting that exact score. Many things happened in the first two months that made me stop. But it was the end of the year, and the score was there, and at that moment, I was glad I’d saved my life at least. I’d had Covid twice in one year, and surviving it was more important than saving some cash.
I’ve heard from several people about the importance of women having their own money. How it’s imperative that women save and have a fallout option, how women are more respected the richer they are. And I agree with those ideas; I believe them too. But again, how will I save what I don’t have?
Maybe I’d eventually figure out how to earn more and save more. Maybe by getting a job in tech or selling one of my kidneys. Perhaps, I’d give up my wants, put the cash in an app and see how much it brings back to me. Invest the little I get into something fruitful and spend days leading up to a yield in a permanent state of unhappiness, knowing I have no deliveries on the way.
All I know is that saving any money will make me unhappy, and I don’t want to participate.
We often talk about the intricacies of forming and navigating friendships as an adult, but one thing we neglect is the role we have to play in ensuring our friendships work. A lot of us are grown now, with busy schedules and an absence of work-life balance, the last thing we think about is our friendships and how to nurture them so they don’t die.
1. Make time to call your friends
Take time out to call your friends, even if it involves setting up a reminder to do so. Call your friends or send voice messages to let them know you still care about them and that they’re on your mind.
2. Support their business
If your friend runs a business or offers a service, support them by posting their business, and sharing their contact information with potential customers. You don’t have to do it all the time, just as often as you see fit so they know you have their back.
It’s easy for us to get so wrapped up in our own issues that we don’t hear what our friends are saying. Listen to friends, and help them however you can. And when they don’t necessarily need a solution, just a listening ear, be that for them.
4. Don’t stand them up when they make plans with you
When your friends make plans to hang out with you, please ensure you make it. If you can’t make it, inform them ahead of time. It’s really shitty behaviour when you stand your friends up without a good enough reason.
5. Make memories with them
Take pictures with and of your friends. Try out new things and places with them because when they’re gone, it’s the memories that’ll remain.
6. Apologize and do better when you’re wrong
Effective communication is a big deal when you’re an adult. You have to learn to apologize and put in the work to do better when you offend your friends. Listen to the things they complain about and work on those things.
7. Accept the fact that they have their own life too
Don’t say things like “You that forgot to call me since all these days.” Understand that your friends have their own lives too. Don’t hold grudges when circumstances beyond their control stop them from being there for you.
8. Be honest
Nobody likes to be friends with someone who lies more than they tell the truth. Tell your friends the truth with as much emotional intelligence as you’d appreciate. Let them know how you feel about certain situations without being an asshole.
9. Don’t be a negative Nancy
You don’t want to be the person who’s constantly negative. It’s ok to be pessimistic (i.e realistic) sometimes but don’t make it your brand. Adulthood is hard enough without having a negative Nancy around all the time.
When you were younger, you looked at your parents like old people who weren’t so cool. You didn’t understand a lot of things they did, or why they said certain things. Then you got older and started doing a lot of things the same way they did. You started to imbibe their mannerisms and “slangs” till you eventually become a lot like them.
If you’re still in denial, here are some unmistakable ways to know you’ve become exactly like your parents:
1. You say, “Thank you God,” when you get home
Getting home safe is worth saying, “Thank you, God”. Getting home and laying in your bed after a long day is a good enough reason to thank God for. You also heave loudly and say, “Thank you, God,” when you sit down.
2. The prices of things have made you realise you have rice at home
With the way inflation has affected everyone, no one needs to tell you there’s rice at home; you tell yourself. Fancy restaurants have become a reward, not a necessity. This version of adulting is not what we signed up for.
3. You don’t have time forthings that aren’tyour business
Everyone should mind the one that concerns them. Putting your mouth in other people’s business isn’t something you’re interested in anymore. Let them carry their cross by themselves with the grace of God.
4. Abbreviations confuse you
There are new abbreviations every day and you simply can’t keep up with them. Before the week is over, you’re already seeing a new “wphd” after just learning what “ngl” means.
5. You send a lot of voice notes because texting gives you headache
Omo, who has time to be typing plenty after a very long day? Definitely not you. Let all your friends hear your voice and know that you’re doing ok. If you have to call someone, you keep the phone calls very short. Can’t let anyone come and use talk to waste the small energy you have.
6. Staying at home is always your first option
That fun you want to have outside can be had in your house. It’s not like our parents wanted to be introverts anyway; they just didn’t have the energy for parties or outings after spending all week adulting.
7. You sleep off while watching TV
Look at your life now. Shebi you were teasing your parents then about sleeping off in front of the TV. Now, look at you on a Wednesday Night sleeping off in front of Netflix.
Whew! This is the ultimate reason adulting needs to be abolished. Constantly worrying about money is so draining. Your parents worried about providing for you; now you have to worry about providing for yourself. Damn it!
9. Your back and your knees are crying for help
Do you watch Megan Thee Stallion or people blessed with good knees twerk sometimes and ask yourself why God has favourites? Your back and knees have decided to be a few years older than you and that’s why you’re always thanking God when you sit down.
10. Unnecessary noises irritate you
Loud music, loud people, loud places — anything unnecessarily loud irritates you so much. But it’s also kind of ironic how Nigerian parents, especially Nigerian mums hate noise sha, even though they’re loud themselves.
This quiz might make you realise you’re not the adult you think you are. If you don’t own at least 15 things on this list, adulting hasn’t started for you.
Tick all the things you own:
You own #{score}/#{total} things
How was JSS 3 double period biology yesterday?
You own #{score}/#{total} things
You’re a semi-adult. You’re almost there.
You own #{score}/#{total} things
Omo, you’ve been doing this adulting thing for a while now. How’s your back?
Every year in your life should be dedicated to chopping life. You should make enjoyment your number one priority in life. Your 20s set the tone for how much of an enjoyment minister you want to be and that’s why we’ve written this chop life guide for you.
1. Date multiple people.
Please o, when we say date multiple people, we don’t mean many people living in Lagos or Abuja or you’ll cry hot tears. Date multiple people outside of Lagos and Abuja; experiment with dating, enjoy their company, get to know each other and go on dates.
2. Put a sticker over your bed that says (jaiye ori mi).
Putting the sticker over your bed serves as a reminder to enjoy your life till you drop. When Davido said, “Wake up and jumpstart,” he was talking about you. Arise from thy bed and choose enjoyment.
3. Have a reminder on your phone for enjoyment.
In case you got too busy and forgot to read the sticker on your bed, set a reminder on your phone that says, “Enjoyment PLC.”
4. Don’t engage in every Twitter discussion.
Constantly engaging in Twitter conversations can take many years off your life and also eat into the time you’d have used to enjoy your life. Why press your phone when you can press other things or have someone press your things? Shey you get?
5. Block people who are stressing you.
There’s no one above blocking, if anyone tries to show you small stress, please, block them. Even if the person is your boss or the one sustaining your lifestyle. You want to chop life, not chop stress.
6. Let all your money be for enjoyment; your future can take care of itself.
Don’t worry about your future, your future go dey alright. When the future comes, we’ll write another guide on how to chop life when you are 30+.
7. Save.
Not money o. Only your life or your energy, never money. You need to conserve your energy to continue your enjoyment all through your life.
Turning 30 can feel like the morning after a wild partying spree; you can still feel the euphoria from the night before, but you realise, “Oh shit. I have to get my life together or I’m die.”
It doesn’t have to be so serious, though. None of us have totally hacked the whole getting-your-life-together thing. In fact, some of the expectations you have as you get older may very well be unnecessary pressure you don’t have to succumb to; like getting married or having ten kids to carry on the family name. No, mother. Please.
Still, it’s not a bad idea to know how to do at least five things on this list before you turn the big 30.
You’ve got this!
1. Shoot shots (romantic and platonic)
In this day and age of social media, it all starts with how you slide into DMs. Don’t slide in with bathroom slippers. Go in with your best suede shoes. You have to come correct if you want to find a BFF or love of your life.
2 Hold conversations
Sure, this might come naturally to some people, but you’d agree that “Wyd?” could be better off as “I noticed you do/like xyz. Can you tell me about that?” Try this angle and see if they keep ignoring your DMs.
3. Apologise
You have to learn to lower your shoulders and genuinely say “I’m sorry” when you’re in the wrong. It will feel uncomfortable, but you won’t die. We promise.
4. Communicate
Effective communication saves other people from trying to figure out what’s in your head (how you feel, or what you want, etc). This, too, can feel super uncomfortable, but it’s a skill you will be thankful for in the long-run.
5. Cook beans without burning the house down
Unless you want your landlord to come for you. Plus, life is less scary knowing that you have at least one survival skill – whipping up a decent meal.
6. Cross the road
Whatever you do, don’t start out by crossing at a T-junction. Start small; from your parlour to your room, a small street here and there. Learn this so your friends can rest knowing you won’t get yourself killed by oncoming traffic. Also, when in doubt, look left, look right, and look left again.
7. Make semo/eba/amala/pap/custard without lumps
This has nothing to do with being husband or wife material. It’s so you don’t waste these ingredients. Have you seen how expensive they are these days? Plus, the satisfaction you get knowing you did that shit doesn’t have part two.
8. Identify a scam message/scammer
You work too hard for your life savings to disappear in the blink of an eye. Stay alert in these physical and online streets, dear.
9. Drive on a Nigerian road
If this doesn’t kill you by the time you are thirty, then you’ll know that you’ve conquered it. Phew!
[newsletter]
10. Not catch feelings for everyone you talk to
Do you like “breakfast” served to you on a golden platter? Thought as much. You’ll have to start by rewiring your brain, because you will meet A LOT of amazing people. The aim is not to fall in love with them all, but to experience them as they come and build connections.
11. Get your finances together
We don’t mean to sound like your mum, but she’s right. Saving, investing, taking stock and creating budgets are actually important things you should get a hang of before thirty if you don’t want to be an onigbese.
12. Switch from generator to light with the speed of Usain Bolt
As a Nigerian, once you’ve mastered this, add: “I am not your mate” to your social media bio.
13. Say “NO” with your full chest
You didn’t go through torturous years of adulting to be scared of offending people or establishing your boundaries. Las las , they’ll be fine.
14. Shake your ass on a yacht
A.k.a know how to enjoy life, after all, you literally get only one shot at it. And no, bingeing on Netflix for sixty hours straight doesn’t make the cut. Get your best buds and make beautiful memories in the outside.
15. Give A-class head
Rule number one: no teeth. Please and thanks. It’s okay to ask questions and figure out what works for your partner. That’s actually a way to hack it and make them call you names that’ll make you blush.
If this article is giving zen vibes, then you should probably share it right away. T for tenks!
When we were younger, many of us spent a lot of time wondering when we would grow up so we could finally be adults. How is that going now? If you haven’t clocked it yet, let us be the first to tell you: adulthood is a major scam and these 14 things prove it:
1. You have to feed yourself.
This is one sure sign of adulthood being a scam. So you mean I have to come back to this house and my parents don’t have food waiting for me? My mother is not offering me extra meat? Wow, so I have to look for what I will eat on my own? This is betrayal.
2. You start to manage meat and fish.
When you actually manage to feed yourself, you realise how much turkey and Titus costs in the market, no one will teach you before you start rationing the meat and fish you eat. Especially with this one that Constable Sapa is in town.
3. You probably won’t even be able to afford milk.
You see that three scoops of milk you always wanted as a child? You see that Milo you wanted to lick but were not allowed to? You probably won’t be able to afford it. And even when you can afford it and can lick it the way you want to, you’ll realise that it is not enough to soothe the pain of adulthood.
4. You are qualified for heartbreak.
You think adulthood is one land of bliss and romance until one person will invade your peace and then break your heart. Like, what exactly did I do to you people? Is it a crime to be an adult?
5. You have to pay your own bills.
From now on, rent is on you. Data subscription payment is on you too. Anything you buy or involve yourself in, you must pay for it by yourself. The literal definition of carrying your cross by yourself.
6. There are really no parties to attend.
I blame Nollywood and Hollywood for making us believe that adulthood was all parties and popping outfits. See ehn, as an adult, there are not so many parties to attend. Take it from us.
7. And when there are parties to attend, you are too tired.
After working hard all week, when Friday night comes, you just want to curl up in your bed watching Netflix and laughing at tweets or TikTok videos. The party can take care of itself. You simply won’t have the energy for it.
8. The sex you want so much, you won’t get it.
You think you’ll enter adulthood collecting knacks and snatching orgasms left, right and centre. LEEMAO. The lies. Either the sex is bad or simply just not available with the person you want it with. Eventually, you will turn celibate.
9. No more Christmas clothes.
The only thing you might get is a matching pyjamas set. And even that one is dependent on finding love. You that is constantly chopping heartbreak, where will that one come from?
10. You have to motivate yourself to get things done.
Because if you don’t, who will? So, you have to motivate yourself to show up for work in time so they don’t fire you. You have to motivate yourself to wake up in the middle of the night to put extra effort into your own personal development.
11. Nobody dashes you free money anymore.
Everybody is an adult now. Deal with it oh. The most they can dash you is urgent 2k. And the day you misbehave like this, they will probably drag you for it.
12. Your younger ones expect you to dash them money.
These ones don’t know what is wrong with them. They don’t know you are also expecting to be dashed money. The ghetto. LMAO, sorry dears, we are all corporate beggars in these streets.
13. Your parents and everyone around you suddenly expect you to be responsible.
Imagine that. Responsibility, when you are trying to survive and stay afloat. Wahala for who dey look up to me oh.
14. Expect to cry. A lot.
This is the strangest part of adulthood. You could be doing something unrelated to tears and you will feel the tears running down. Someone shouts at you too much and the tears come pouring down. Sometimes, you even schedule date and time to cry.
Everything about being an adult is the freaking ghetto, including making friends. There are a lot of things you’ll experience that’ll be beyond what you could have imagined.
Here are a couple of things you need to know before making friends as an adult.
1. They can try to steal your man.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Find a way to make your man unstealable, especially if you live in Lagos. There are a lot of pickpockets going around stealing people’s men.
2. Everyone is 30+ and wants to be home early.
Everyone is too old and wants to be home in bed before 11 pm. Even your friend who isn’t 30 yet is already masquerading as a 30+ man with a bad back.
3. You’ll need to learn your friends love languages.
Being friends with people doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn their love languages and how they want you to be their friend. Make sure you aren’t the only one learning love languages, the best friendships are the reciprocated ones.
4. Your friends will try to finish your money.
Especially those friends who don’t remember what the four walls of their houses look like. They’ll always expect you to go out with them every Friday till things go south and you are broke.
5. Your new friend might be a crazy person.
This is the craziest part about making friends when you get older. After all, craziness isn’t written on the forehead and you’ll have to find that out after becoming friends with them. Finding out your new friend is not ok in the head is both revealing and stressful.
6. Your friends won’t always be there for you and vice versa.
You won’t always be available for friends and vice versa and that’s absolutely ok. But not being available for your friend and being a shitty friend are two different things.
7. They may have shitty tastes and opinions.
I can’t even imagine being friends with someone who doesn’t like Beyonce or someone who thinks the earth is flat. It’s hard work, but sometimes you have to make peace with knowing your friend has very questionable tastes and opinions. Some opinions however can’t be ignored.
8. They can fall in love with you and make you leave your partner.
Everyone knows a good love story starts with good friendships and every adult needs a good friend and partner all in one person.
Everyone knows navigating friendships as an adult is an extreme task, but have you ever thought that you could be the problem? Making friends as an adult is quite hard and you aren’t doing enough to make friends. We are here to help you look inward and realize why you are an adult with no friends.
Here are some reasons why you are an adult with no friends.
1. You are bestfriends with your house.
You probably can’t remember the last time you saw the sun and the thought of leaving your house fills you with so much pain and discomfort.
2. You are close friends with your job.
You like your job almost as much as you like your house. Your job probably doesn’t like you as much as you like it, but carry on.
3. You spend a lot of time watching TikTok videos.
All that time you spend on TikTok can be spent making friends. We need you to know that people on TikTok aren’t your friends and although they make you laugh for long hours doesn’t mean they’ll listen to your rants. You’ll need real-life friends for that.
4. You haven’t tried using dating apps.
You probably think dating apps are for relationships and sex alone and you won’t bother to try them out. There’s nothing wrong with using dating apps, you could meet someone who’ll give your partner a run for their money and make a few friends while at it.
5. You haven’t made out time to mould your friends from scratch.
You need to mould the types of friends you want, but you’ve been too busy with work to get to it. All you need to do is clear your schedule so you can take matters into your hands and mould your perfect friends.
6. Your life revolves around your partner.
You are stuck to your partner like superglue. When they move, you move — a match made in heaven.
7. You have bad eating habits.
You eat lafun, semo and winged termites and somehow expect people to be friends with you. O wrong nau.
Contrary to what a certain good book says, being the bigger person isn’t always worth it. Sometimes, when people go low, go subterranean, and show them that where their madness stops is where yours starts. No one has a monopoly on this madness thing.
Here are a few reasons why you should never be the bigger person.
1. Being the bigger person is an adult problem and you don’t need that.
Being the bigger person is an adult problem, and no one needs that. Adulthood comes with enough problems, so why add this to it? Also, this is why children have more peace of mind. They always speak their mind and never let shit go.
2. People need to know you aren’t one to be tried.
Always turning the other cheek or whatever guarantees that people will keep coming at you with their bullshit. Once you show them how low you can go and give them 2x of what they’ve given you, they’ll know to never get on your bad side.
3. You don’t want to have unnecessary things on your chest.
If getting stuff off your chest means doing it in a way other people might consider childish, please, do it. The peace of mind that comes with saying what needs to be said is unmatched. Let these hoes have it.
4. People try to make their problems yours too.
When you are the bigger person, you have to carry your problems and that of others on your back, and that’s not worth it. The burden shouldn’t be on you to fix their issues.
5. People don’t deserve the bigger side of you.
Some people need to see the side of you that doesn’t take nonsense. Maybe when they fix up, you’ll show them the side of you reserved for people that have sense and act right. You know, as a treat.
6. It makes you overthink your actions.
When you try to be the bigger person, you tend to spend unnecessary time thinking of what you could have said or done in that situation. Smaller people don’t do that. They have a quick and immediate reaction on the spot and keep it moving. Don’t set yourself up for sleepless nights because you’re trying to be meek and inherit the earth. Treat their fuck up and know peace.
Navigating life as an adult can be really confusing. No one really gives you a handbook or prepares you for what life is going to throw at you. Here’s a list of articles you can read to help you figure out adulthood.
There are very few things that make adults happy. The word ‘adult’ here is used loosely because some of you are 18 and you only barely qualify as adults. Truth is, the older you get, the more simple things make you happy.
1. Finding the perfect grocery store
Not everyone can say that they have achieved this. Do you know how blissful it feels to find a store that meets all your shopping needs and also has good vibes? It’s a 10/10 experience that is simple but also makes you happy.
2. Paying your bills on time
Just so you know, it will hurt like hell when the money for said bills leaves your account. But knowing that you can have peace of mind for a short while slaps.
3. Taking naps
The older you get, the easier it becomes to fall asleep. You’ll nap when they break your heart for the fifth time, when you don’t get that promotion you wanted, and every time you get debited for breathing.
Growing up, you had to settle for whatever your parents let you eat. As an adult, you settle for what your bank account will let you eat. But at least you get to choose.
5. Practical gifts
When you are young, gifts like socks, plants, or weighted blankets might make you think that the giver hates you. But as you get older, you realize that those gifts might be simple but they’ll make you really happy. This does not mean that you should become the kind of person that gives people socks oh. Spa tickets are also practical.
6. Weekends with no plans
See, going out and having the time of your life is fun and all but staying in and just chilling with no plans, not even chores, gives happiness a new meaning.
7. Completing your to-do list
If you are the kind of person that makes lists to give yourself a sense of accomplishment, you already know how great it feels when you tick every box off or even just half of it. Create your happiness.
8. Having clean sheets
From the process of laying the bed, to lying on it, it’s a really good feeling. This is also a reminder to wash your sheets today guys.
We don’t always mean to lie to our parents but sometimes, shit happens. They don’t exactly make being honest easy, either. Sometimes the lies are small and harmless, other times they are big and problematic. Here are eight lies we’ve all told our parents.
1. When we lie that we missed their call
Sometimes, we really did miss their calls. Other times, we were just in situations that would have gotten us in deep shit if we had picked their calls. It is better to ignore your mum’s call’s all night when you are out late at night with your friends than to pick it up and let her hear loud music when you’re supposed to be in bed.
2. Pretending to be asleep
We’ve all done this, let’s not lie. Like that time your mom was shouting your name to come and help her in the kitchen. A lie by omission is still a lie. Ask yourself how many times you’ve pretended to be asleep to get out from chores or a talk from your parents. If you think moving out is a solution, it’s not.
3. Lying that you weren’t charging your phone and using it
If you’ve ever lied to your parents about this, I can’t even blame you. We get it, radiation poison and what not but must they shout? Is it their life? Abeg, everybody and the one that is doing them.
4. Lying that you weren’t taught something when you failed.
Never take responsibility for your failure or how does that quote go? In all your choosing, choose violence. Why tell them that the course was hard and you were struggling when you can just lie to your parents that the lecture never showed up to class and is an all-around bad guy?
5. Lying about your location
You really shouldn’t lie about this but then again some of you are bold. Here is a tip, if your dad tells you that he can see you in the club when you are supposed to be in school reading, you can simply ask why he carried his married legs to the club without his wife and gaslight him into thinking that he is seeing double.
6. Lying that you didn’t see something they told you to pick up
This has lowkey happened to everyone at a point except you have an annoyingly good memory. Sometimes your mum might tell you to pick up something that has been on the floor in your room for the past two weeks but you forgot to pick it up. When she comes to scold you instead of saying that you forgot, you[‘d rather say that you didn’t see it. To be honest this is the most unnecessary lie.
7. Lying that you are not hungry after arguing with them
I see you, they see you, you see you and even God sees you. It’s okay to lie sometimes, yes, but not when it comes to food.
8. Lying that you are a good influence on your friends
It’s okay to want your parents to think that you are still the good innocent child that they’ve raised when you are not. We lie to our parents to protect them. Your little charade won’t last long of course but as long as you are not damaging anyone else’s character then, by all means, go off.
In life, depending on your living situation, you will encounter several types of roommates. At every point in your life, you’ll most likely have to deal with roommates. As a child with your siblings, in the hostel in secondary school and university, when you move out of your parents’ house (and you get a roommate because you’re trying to save money), and the rest of your life, if you choose to get married. Living with people isn’t fun so you must come across at least one of these roommates from hell.
1.The roommate who thinks you should share everything
There is nothing as annoying as living with this kind of person, especially the one that begs for food. Not because they don’t have but because everything you eat looks a hundred times sweeter when you eat it. You will then find yourself hiding to eat and for what?
How they beg you.
2. The compulsive cleaner
Imagine leaving your parents’ house – where you were being judged for being an occasional slob – to live with someone who IS NOT your parent but judges you for being untidy in your own space. Beat them up. You have my permission.
3. The ghost
This type of roommate isn’t exactly bad because you will have the place to yourself most times. However, if you are a worrier, you’ll just find yourself worrying if they are alive or not. Also, if something ever happens to you, you can’t rely on them to show up.
4. The loud roommate
This type of roommate delights in disturbing your peace. They play music by 3 a.m. and somehow wash plates so loud the whole street can hear them. If you like things quiet,living with this type of person is exhausting.
Them for no reason
5. The stingy roommate
If you are a broke person, this is the worst person to live with. They measure everything from their milk to their sugar. No such thing as splitting costs because they do not like to share. They probably have post-it notes with their name on every item in the fridge that belongs to them. On the rare occasion theat they share, you’ll wonder if the world is ending.
6. The roommate that always has people over
They have no respect for your shared space so their friends won’t either. Imagine coming home after a long day to meet people you don’t know in your home. The ghetto for real.
7. The spiritual roommate
If you don’t have the same views with this type of roommate, you are in for a long drive to hell. You will be constantly preached to, or worse judged for everything you do. If that’s not hell, I don’t know what is.
8. Children
Of all the roommates in the world, these are by far the worst.. First of all, society has gone past the need for more human beings so please stop making them. All they do is spend your money, eat your food, and cry. Why would you want that?
Moving out sounds easier than it looks. Anyone that has successfully done it will tell you how emotionally exhausting it is. This is why we have decided to share six tips on how to successfully move out of your parents’ house.
1. A great resolve
You will cry PLENTY. Furnishing a house is expensive as hell. After buying your first curtain, you will cry. Whenever money leaves your account for any household appliance, hot tears will pour down your face. The only way around this is to steal as many appliances from your parents’ house as you’re leaving.
Don’t let this be you
2. A planner
If you are managing your small money, you’ll need a planner to avoid deviating from your list and budget. You’d be surprised at the useless things you’ll end up buying without proper planning. If you don’t have a planner, you’ll end up using an old book as a dust packer for one week.
3. Good friends
Now is the time to invite your friends over. Don’t be embarrassed. Tell them that you are having a housewarming party and make a wish list so they’ll buy you things that you actually need. Wahala for who no get caring friends sha.
Don’t let them go until they bless you
4. A sugar daddy
Do you know how much a fridge costs? Check and see if your eyes won’t water. Moving out is not beans and life comes at you fast. Sugar daddy or mummy is the best insurance you can have for life outside of your parents’ house.
And you shouldn’t.
5. The self-control of a monk
Moving out can make you feel like you can now move mad. You think you can now eat by 3 a.m., eat junk food, and live lavish, abi? Omo, you will get tired fast. Practice self-control.
How you should sit and talk to your other selves spending your money.
6. The ability to know when to give up
When you are tired of playing grownup, go and beg your mummy to fight your landlord so you can collect the rest of your rent and move back home. No one will judge you. The problem is that once you’ve experienced living alone, there’s no going back. Prodigal son no do reach this one.
I have often wondered what life is like for adults who grew up as gifted kids, and how they have managed to navigate adulthood. To get an idea of what their lives as adults are like, I put out a call for their stories and experiences dealing with rejection. Here are the responses I got:
Osasu, 27.
Image used for descriptive purpose.
I finished top of my class from primary school till university. I even finished my bachelor’s degree with a first-class in engineering, but I severely flunked my masters. After completing my masters, I tried to get a job. I sent out between 40-100 applications, but most of them were rejections and near wins.
Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I struggle to deal with the rejections. My current job was more like “oh well, at least bad as e bad”. I no longer send out job applications, I have no motivation for them anymore. It feels like I have peaked and there is nothing left for me to do – I feel like I am hanging on because I have to, not because I have something I am actively living for.
I’m in therapy again, it’s my second attempt, and I really hope it works this time because I have lost faith in myself. Even though the thought of dying has crossed my mind, I can’t afford to die before Dr Strange and Wanda Maximoff fight in the Multiverse of madness.
Adaeze, 20.
When I was a kid, I won a lot of awards. I was not just the award-winning child, I was also the child parents wanted their children to be like. I was respectful, kind, funny, witty and smart. I did well in all my art classes, never sciences. Science was not my shit. I got promoted twice, I was doing way better than children in classes ahead of me.
I did really well in junior secondary school, I got 13As in my 15 subjects, but then I wrote my junior WAEC and got only C’s. I was not failing, but my A’s had become B’s and C’s. I think I got tired, burnt out probably. Nobody understood what was happening to me, my parents didn’t get it and neither did I.
I decided to become a writer, nothing prepared me for the rejection letters. I was getting them so often, like water. My parents started comparing people to me. it took therapy for me to finally start healing – my therapist used to say “failing is not a direct reflection of your worth” and that there are so many things beyond my control.
With every failure I’d remind myself that it happens, life happens, and then I buy myself shawarma or ice cream. Sometimes I cry because it’s okay to be sad that I didn’t get what I wanted but yeah, eventually, it’s okay.
I have had some good days. I won a scholarship, got some acceptance and then got a nice job. I also have some bad days- failed some tests, didn’t get into some fellowships, wasn’t qualified for some competitions, but I try to take each as they come.
Tinu, 24.
Growing up for me was like living in a boarding house. I didn’t really have a fun childhood like most people who lived with their parents must have experienced. My Dad is a disciplinarian to the core, we were not allowed to watch cartoons like other kids.
I was an “A” student throughout my secondary school, I couldn’t risk my dad killing me for having poor grades and God made sure that didn’t happen. My brother got beaten mercilessly one time by my dad for having a “C” in mathematics. I remember when I was in SS1, I got an “E” in economics, I had a panic attack and I was in tears.
I am currently in my final year of university and I have found better ways to handle failure and rejection. I have had academic-related rejections recently but I don’t feel too pained about them simply because they are secondary.
I have a very close older friend I talk to about my wins and rejections. He always knows the right words to say at the right time. So it helps me to be sober for a moment and keep my head high again the very next second.
Also, I received a lot of career/academic rejections in the year 2020. Now, when I experience one, my mantra is “WE MOVE”, the goal is not to stop moving.
But low-key to be honest, rejections pain me o. I don’t sulk about it for more than a day.
Damola, 25.
I grew up being a smart child. I used to read a lot and I always represented schools at debate and quiz. I went to JSS1 from Pry 4, skipped JSS2 to SS1, and by SS2 I had already passed Jamb. I was 13 at the time. I had to wait a year before getting into university and I got done with Uni by 19.
When I opted to go to art class in secondary school, the school principal contacted my parents to get me to change my mind and go to the science class instead. I took both arts and science in SS1.At home, a B wasn’t acceptable. It had to be an A
Dealing with rejection as an adult is so fucking hard. One bad feedback or rejection is enough to have your week ruined. The sad part about being rejected is, it makes me play safe.
I only go for opportunities where I know that I’m overqualified. I know it’s bad because I’m not fully utilising my potentials but it’s easier than dealing with the pain of “not being good enough”.
Growing up, you’re the local champion, smartest in the room and then boom YOU’RE NOT! It’s a tough transition, I’m in my mid-twenties now and I’m still figuring it out.
Ruby, 23.
Image used for descriptive purpose.
I wasn’t the typical all-rounder, I was a natural with words and logic, but struggled quite a bit with math. Which I guess made me stand out even more. I’d have the highest class average while I just passed maths, I always had perfect scores in most of the other subjects.
Being an adult has taught me to find an identity outside how well I do at work or what I achieve. I think that’s why many people can’t come to terms with rejection. They’ve been told that what makes them matter is what they can achieve.
I had to learn how to be happy despite whatever was happening career wise or academically.
Jasmine, 26.
Growing up, I was a star child. I was on scholarships for excellent performance. At one point, I was given a double promotion because ‘star girl lomo‘. I was not a local champion. Because of the nature of my dad’s job, I had to change schools every year. I was top of my class consistently in all the schools I went to.
One time I was second in a new school but the following term, I was back to first position. I was even in a special class called ‘competition’ class. Pupils/students in that class were trained specially to go for competitions for the school.
When I got into university, I started to struggle. University was so tough, I did not make a first class GPA in any semester.I was always ‘almost there but never there’. That was when I gave up.It was very depressing because I started to struggle.
The worst happened when I failed a course. A whole me, fail a course?. I couldn’t tell my parents because it was going to break their heart. Meanwhile, my father was always hammering first class into my brain.
He was not aware of my struggles. Only my mom knew, and she encouraged me all the time and reminded me that I was a star. First class or not. I eventually graduated with a 2:1 which was a miracle because I was scared I was going to fail again.
Right now, I don’t see myself as smart or anything. If I want to do good in anything, I have to work twice as hard. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn’t so I really don’t understand how this works anymore.
I console myself that I am street smart and I can use my words when I need to.
Tunde, 25.
Image used for descriptive purpose.
I was always top of my class, from primary school till university. I was top of my class all through the duration of my degree. After university, I applied for a postgraduate program in the US. I got on the waiting list. That seemed like a good thing till covid happened and the waiting list was disregarded.
I didn’t give up after that happened, it in fact increased my confidence. I applied to 6 more universities, I was certain one of them was going to accept me. When the first school rejected my application, I braced myself and hoped for the best. I was not going to be discouraged.
My friends continued to encourage me, they assured me that I was going to get in, but that didn’t happen. The fourth rejection came in and so did my doubt. I started to believe that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was. I hadn’t been able to react to the previous rejections, but the fourth one broke me. I cried. I wanted to pray and talk to god, but instead it was tears i got out.
I got on another waitlist and this time I was sure I was going to get in, but unfortunately, someone else got the spot.
I haven’t recovered from the feeling of being rejected yet, and I am taking each day as it comes. I recently got into a film school to study screenwriting and that is a big win for me.
Adulting is a scam and anyone who’s above 18 can attest to that. We are all tired of the daily ghetto adulting is, which is why we’ve come up with very helpful tips on how to escape it:
1.Change the year on your date of birth.
Are you really an adult if the government doesn’t identify you as one? Your government age is your only acceptable age. If you are a child to the government, then you are also a child to the world.
2.Act childish.
Avoid acting like a grown-up, it might come with some insults but it’s for the greater good. All your actions must be childlike, don’t let anyone view you as an adult.
3.Only shop in the kiddies section.
Shopping in the kiddies section is an efficient way to preserve your inner child. No offence to adults who already do this because they wear size 36-38 shoes.
4.Do not move out of your parent’s house.
Live with your parents regardless of your age, ensure they pay all the bills too. Any attempt you make at paying bills is you taking up adult responsibilities; don’t do it.
5.Don’t get married.
Are kids supposed to get married? The answer is no.
6.Don’t have kids.
Babies shouldn’t bring babies into the world, you don’t need an unemployed crotch goblin in your life.
7.Only work part-time.
Full-time employment is for people who are committed to the suffering called adulthood. Work only when you can and when you want to. Always spend the rest of your time resting and preserving your youth.
8.Only have kids as friends.
You’ll need to learn from experienced people, none of your friends should be older than 12yrs old. Teenagers are adult children and you don’t need any adult-like friends.
Breakup hurts so much, but few things hurt as bad as friendship breakups. People spend years building friendships and lose them to very few conflicts. For people who downplay the effect of friendships breakups, here’s a list of reasons why they hurt more than anything.
1.No one to borrow money from without paying back.
Yeah, this certainly hurts. Now everyone would expect you to pay your debt back, if you were still with your best friend, your best friend would understand that Jesus has paid it all for you.
2.No one to have ‘‘we should not be doing this’’ sex with.
A big big loss. Everyone knows that’s top 3 enjoyable sex, the thought of this can make you swallow your pride and ask for forgiveness even when you are not at fault.
3.Nobody to test your sharp mouth on.
This is a real conversation between bestfriends.
I recently found out that friends argue for sport. You won’t have anyone to test your abilities on, at least you could playfully insult your best friend. Now if you tell a stranger that they are mad, you’ll be slapped so hard, you’ll see stars. Meanwhile, it’s just friendly jokes to you. Tears.
4.You’ll no longer be able to sleep with their spouses.
No more missions to accomplish until you find a new best friend.
One break up for two parties ☹️, it is one person that broke up with you, now you have lost them both. This really sucks.
5.No one to cry to when your 4 boyfriends are misbehaving.
Imagine 4 Nigerian men breaking your heart at the same time and you can only cry to yourself and your pillow. The pillow can’t form alliance on how to deal with them back. Tears x 2
6.No one to turn on their hot-spot for you.
Please, data is very expensive and your best friend would not want you to miss out on hot gist. Now, not only are you without a best friend, you are also behind on hot gist.
We are really sorry if we hit a nerve, please try to fix that friendship or beg the almighty for another one.
Adulting. Who on earth invented that concept? They have to go back to their mood board to revise the entire structure of this really exhausting lifestyle. Particularly the part where you have to pay for everything you didn’t really know had to be paid for. I mean who knew pipes don’t fix themselves. Or that you actually have to buy new trash bags when they run out. Don’t even let us get started on the price of mattress or curtains or rent! All in all, being an adult is the ghetto.
To be sure that we are not the only one in this problem, we asked five Nigerians to share their most expensive brush with being adults. Read their stories below
Tayo, 22
Growing up, I was really into sports. I still am. But I used to be so reckless and I didn’t care very much about injuries or my glasses. If I got an injury, I would just go into the hospital for treatments or get new pair of glasses if I needed one because my parents had an insurance plan. But recently as an adult, I needed to get an eye test and new glasses. When I saw the bill, I was so scared because I wasn’t even expecting it. My glasses cost a shit load because of how it is for me. so just my lenses cost about ₦75,000 and the test was ₦15,000. The cheapest I could get cost about ₦35,700. I learned for the first time all this time I was just doing anyhow.
Olamide, 20
To be honest, since I started adulting, things as cheap as deodorants seem so expensive now that I pay for them. When I was younger, my dad always got them for me, from body lotion to roll on, perfumes and body wash sometimes sanitary pad, but now that I work and pay for them myself I feel like those industries are extorting us. I’m a student in Port-Harcourt but I go to school from home, I run a tye and dye business and because it pays well, my dad felt I could start paying for some little things myself. I like it though because sooner or later I would still have to as I am almost done with school.
Ayo, 29
I moved to Lagos from Ogun state in the middle of last year. When I got here, I had rented an apartment around Ago Okota, Lagos. The house is a 2 bedroom en suite flat and it was my first experience getting an apartment in Lagos. Then came the problems, house rent is about ₦800,000 excluding other charges, all in all, it was about a million Naira. Omo that is way too far from what I pay for house rent in Ogun state which is usually around ₦300,000 a year, and even though my new job can support the rent, it is still a wild bill to be paying.
Katherine, 23
The first time I experienced adulting in this way was when I moved to a school hostel in 200 level of university and had to redecorate my room. Nobody told me curtains were so expensive or that the little hook things they use to hang them at the side are also equally pricey. Now when I had to buy a mini-fridge, the prices the vendors called almost wrecked my bank account.
Jill, 24
The one thing I didn’t know was so expensive before I started adulting was Printer Ink. At my first job that was one of my tasks (stocking office supplies) so I needed to get the costs and prepare a memo. I called someone at a printing supply store to ask and omo If I knew that was the price maybe I wouldn’t have been printing Hannah Montana pictures to use as posters for my room then.
There is also, of course, medicine, they are actually so expensive. This one time, after gathering adult energy to take myself to the clinic, it was time to buy the prescribed medications. When I got to the pharmacy and the I was told that the prescriptions were worth over ₦20,000, I told the pharmacist abeg cos him and who? Small sick oh. He legit laughed and had to reduce and substitute here and there.
What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up.
“Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.
The subject of today’s “Man Like” is Olanrewaju, the head of TC Insights — a research group that gathers data on startups in Africa, and uses the data to provide insights for stakeholders. He talks to us about the sacrifices of fatherhood, the influence of his parents in his life’s journey and what men should know before getting married.
When did you get your “Man Now” moment?
I’d say that there hasn’t been one single moment. I feel that because I’m constantly evolving, it has been several moments. The first time I discovered I was “a man” was when I hit puberty and discovered changes in my body. In my head, I was like, “I’m becoming a man with my physical features.”
Another incident was going to boarding school in another state and having to fend for myself against hungry seniors. That was a lonely experience that also made me sit up.
Marriage has been the biggest level up for me because I’ve had to learn new things about myself and my partner, and make sound decisions. After trying to balance marriage, fatherhood hit me. I’ve mostly just been discovering different “man now” moments as I progress from one level to another.
Tell me about your fatherhood experience.
Ah. Bro. Lmaoooo.
Fatherhood is a huge responsibility. You can try to prepare yourself by learning and reading from other people, but nothing prepares you for the actual job. From the change in your schedule — blocking out your schedule so that you can spend meaningful time raising a child — to combining work and family, to even being responsible for someone.
Fatherhood adds a layer of complexity to your life and exposes new things about you. Even though it’s a mixed bag of experiences, nothing replaces the joy of watching your kids grow.
What have been the challenging parts of fatherhood?
On one hand, there’s the physical stress of waking up at night to take care of a baby. Then there’s the psychological part where I’m hyper-aware that I’m now responsible for another human being and I have to do right by them. I’m constantly asking myself, “Am I setting the right example for my boys?” “Have I sent my kids to the best schools ?” It’s a whole different type of performance pressure.
Growing up, we’d say that our parents put a lot of pressure on us to perform, but the reality is that parents are also under pressure. Even if kids don’t say, there are certain expectations that are placed on you to make them happy.
Have you ever had to trade personal fulfilment for the sake of fatherhood?
I’ve worked two to three jobs at the same time before just because I couldn’t shake off the internal pressure to do right by my family. I was so worried that I took on a full-time job alongside side gigs that required the effort of full-time jobs. It didn’t end well because I eventually had a breakdown.
I’m sorry.
It’s fine.
What are the joys of fatherhood?
It’s everything from watching your child cry to taking their first step. It’s also hearing my two-year-old son tell me: “Daddy do you know I love you?” followed closely by a warm hug. Other times, it’s me melting when my older son says, “Mummy and daddy are the best.” One of the most priceless things in life is watching your kids come from nowhere and grow to become an integral part of your life.
So cute. I seek refuge against the spirit of baby fever.
Hehe.
Does anything scare you though?
I recently lost my mum, so I find myself thinking more about the reality of death. The concept of here today and gone tomorrow is a lot to take in. No matter how much we accept that death is a constant factor in life, we’re never truly prepared for loss. The finality of death is scary, but my faith in Jesus keeps me going.
Asides from the finality of death, I can’t think of anything that really scares me. This is because my approach is to constantly try to solve a problem, no matter how daunting. After all, I’ve been through the worst mentally, and I’ve come out more emotionally mature.
Tell me about the worst mental experience.
During that period where I was working three jobs, things went south. I broke down and suffered from a bout of depression coupled with suicidal thoughts. It was one of the most difficult points in my life — I had to go see a doctor for help, I was out of a proper job for almost a year, and I was just going through the motions.
Sometimes I look back and there’s a tinge of regret, but I’m just glad the worst is over. I’m in a better place now with my career, and I have a better grasp of things.
What are some things that have changed in your approach to work between now and then?
I’ve come a long way from crying at a job to being more centred in my current role. One thing I learnt from my breakdown is that energy management is greater than time management. I’ve learned to manage my bandwidth for projects because spreading myself too thin would make me unhappy, stressed out and unfulfilled at jobs.
I’m jotting things. Tell me about your current job.
I work at TC Insights where we do deep research and analyse various sectors. A lot of my job involves coming up with fifty-page briefs on particular topics. The best part is that because I now utilise energy and bandwidth management, I can work hard and still go home to have a good night rest. You could say I’m living the best of both worlds.
Love it. Where do you find joy these days?
It’s not one thing. Today I might find satisfaction from a project I’m working on. Tomorrow it might be from watching CNN pundits analyse American politics. Some other day I’d find satisfaction in watching Bridgerton on Netflix with my wife. About three weeks ago, I found a lot of joy in teaching and watching my son trace number 2. Seeing him go from zero to hundred was so satisfying to observe.
I repeat: I refuse to fall for this baby fever agenda.
LMAO.
You’ve spoken a lot about work and family, is there a place for friendship in your life?
I don’t keep a lot of friends because between working and raising a family, I’m constantly struggling to maintain friendships. For the few people I’m friends with, I try to show up whenever they need me.
Hmm. Who do you go to for advice?
Because of the way my life is set up, I don’t have a single person. What I have are a series of people depending on the topic I need advice on. For marriage, I sometimes talk to my closest friend and we discuss openly all the nuances of marriage. For work stuff, I approach people who have been through similar challenges for advice. When I need an older perspective, I talk to my dad.
Interesting. Who are your role models for what it means to be a man?
I’d say, my parents.
From my dad, I learned to take responsibility for my life and family. He taught me to wake up every day and show up for the people who matter to me. He also showed me how to use tools like emotional intelligence and diplomacy.
My mum taught me the value of hard work and the importance of family. Outside of these two people, I’ve had different people influence me in little ways, but there’s no single person that has influenced the entirety of my experience.
Love it. What advice would you give young men considering marriage?
I’d encourage them to run their race at their own pace and not give in to the pressure to tick some societal boxes. Marriage is a lifetime decision and it has to be treated as such. It’s important to ensure that your partner is someone you gel with in every area of life [Shout out to my wife, Princess].
Men should also break out of the stereotypical definition of being a married man. Marriage is a partnership. I think that if all these are followed, then peace will follow in the marriage.
Amen.
Check back every Sunday by 12 pm for new stories in the “Man Like” series. If you’d like to be featured or you know anyone that would be perfect for this, kindly send an email.
We can all agree that adulting is a scam. With the never-ending bills and responsibilities, we almost never have time for ourselves. So, for this article, we asked eleven African women what they would say to their 16-year-old self about growing up if they could go back in time
Alex, 25
You are not as grown as you think. Try dey calm down. Everything is going to be alright.
Kay, 23
You don’t need a man to be a woman. You don’t need to be in that relationship. It will affect your studies, and you will regret it. You know it’s not something you want. There is much more to life than you know. The romance novels lied.
Lats, 27
Everything falls into place at the right time. Also, you are not weird, you are just gay.
Anike, 27
You are not choosing to be inattentive, lazy, and unserious. You have ADHD. You are different and that’s okay. There’s a lot of people like you. You will find out eventually. Do not let it weigh you down. Live life according to your standards. Don’t let man-made cultural and religious rules hold you back. Do not try to be mature. You are a child, so it is fine to act like one. You are going to be alone for a long time, but you will do well. It’s okay to cry and to be hurt. It’s life but make sure to not lose sleep over anyone, except it’s an emergency. Do not beat yourself up too much. You no kill your mama make anything no kill you. Human beings can be a bunch of mean-spirited people, and you will be disappointed to find that out, but the truth is you need them to survive.
Boma, 26
Sis, you are not going to marry Michael. He is not the beginning of life and death. Abeg calm down, boys ain’t shit and sex is overrated, dear. Also, being a virgin doesn’t make you better than anyone.
Misan, 22
Please remember to always be nice to yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re not possessed. You do not need to pray your sexuality away. Yes, you like girls, so what? That’s who you are, and it’s never going to change. I wish you’d stop being so hard on yourself. You are not unusual because the people around you don’t get you. Try not to rush love. It will come soon and when it does, allow yourself to feel it in its entirety. It’s beautiful, I promise.
Eloho, 20
Eloho, be more adventurous. Do not let overthinking keep you from trying new things. Trust yourself. There is no one better than you. Also, your decision to not get involved with guys will pay off in the long run.
Vowhero, 24
Focus on your studies. Don’t let friends derail you. Boys don’t have anything important to say. Try not to care what people say about you. Just do you, girl. Keep your head up high. At the end of the day, it’s just you vs the world.
C, 21
Please don’t starve yourself. It will not only lead to an eating disorder that will hurt you, and it will also backfire. You were always meant to be a sexy puff puff.
Viola, 26
Do not say yes if you do not mean it. Please report them if they violate your consent. This is not what you deserve.
Dora, 27
Perish that idea that you will be married with three kids before 25. Be ready — life is going to get tougher.
Childhood was probably the peak of our lives. Free food, no rent, no responsibilities and plenty of fun. Until we were scammed into adulthood, which we all know is the absolute ghetto. Sometimes I wonder about the things I would bring back from my childhood if I could.
1. Naps.
Remember how you had to be forced to take naps? What wouldn’t you give to be able to take naps freely now?
2. Being taken care of you when you’re sick.
The biggest scam of adulthood has to be you having to take care of yourself when you’re sick
3. Pocket money.
Pocket money used to land without having to work for it. God when again?
4. Someone to carry you to bed when you sleep off.
Remember how you’d sleep off in front of the TV and mysteriously find yourself in your bed the next morning? Now if you sleep off in front of the TV, that’s where you’ll meet yourself. When you’re ready, you’ll carry yourself to the room.
5. Money from visitors.
Receiving money from visitors was such a childhood flex. Your uncle would visit and crisp 500 naira notes would land in your palms when they were leaving. Now they assume that because you’re grown, you don’t need it anymore. Please it is now that I need it the most.
6. Being carried.
Being carried around when you were a kid felt terrific. Not going to lie, I won’t say no to it now.
7. Having a bedtime.
A standard beahviour was grumbling at bedtime because you didn’t want to go to bed. Now, if I get to sleep by 1am, I consider myself lucky.
8. Not having responsibilities.
Having no responsibilities. The responsibilities that come with adulting are from the devil. Paying your own hospital bills, paying for your own food, paying rent, sending money home, maintaining your car and having a life were a lot more expensive that you would have thought. God abeg.
If there’s a mantra to your life, it is one thing: adulting is a scam. Big scam. I don’t know what it was that made it seem like being an adult was an epic trip, but it is a scam. We were had, took, hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok and flat-out deceived about adulting.
Adulting sold us dreams. Here are a few of the lies we were sold by adulting.
1. That when you grew up, you would eat all the meat you wanted from the soup.
Now you can eat it, but at what cost?
2. The responsibilities
There are so many responsibilities that came with adulting. Bills, work, family responsibilities… it never ends.
3. You thought you would go to uni, graduate and get a great job immediately.
If only you knew.
4. Being broke
Nobody prepared you for being broke all the damn time.
5. You thought you would have met the love of your life
Now where is the love of your life? HaqHaqHaq.
6. Having to take care of your self when you fall sick
This one is the worst. Nobody to pamper you. Worst part is that you have to pay for your drugs with your own money. Ghetto.
7. Getting enough sleep
As a child, you hated that you had to go to bed early and looked forward to staying up as long as you wanted when you became an adult. Now you can’t get enough sleep.
When it feels like the walls are closing in and adulthood is crushing you, remember one (or all) of these things. I hope they bring you some form of comfort.
1) Even though adulthood is a huge scam, remember that you can eat all the junk food you want.
Remember all the times you wanted sugary stuff as a kid but your parents told you no? Well, they can’t do that anymore. Do you want to eat cake and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Knock yourself out.
Just don’t forget about tooth decay and diabetes.
2) Even though adulthood is a raging dumpster fire, remember that you can stay up as late as you want.
Gone are the days when you weren’t allowed to stay up past 9 PM. Now you can stay up watching interracial foot-sucking videos on pornhub as late as you want . (Just an example off the top of my head so don’t think too much about it.)
Just don’t forget that you have to be up for work at 6 AM.
3) Even though adulthood is an absolute shit show, remember that you can stay out as late as you want.
Go to a bar, strip club, then a regular club after that. You are grown and therefore no longer have a curfew. Go wild, you party animal. Just don’t forget that night time is when most people get robbed.
4) Even though adulthood is an endless cycle of despair, remember that you make your own money and can spend it however you want.
Log in to your favourite online store and do some retail therapy. You work hard and deserve to treat yourself to some of the finer things in life. Just don’t forget that you have a shit ton of unpaid bills and payday is still 3 weeks away.
5) Even though adulthood feels like you’re sliding naked down a metal slide on a really hot day, remember that you can fornicate as much as you want.
Nothing more refreshing than a good old fornication session. Open one of the numerous hook-up apps disguised as dating apps on your phone and find someone willing to eat your genitals and vice versa. Just remember to use protection because STDs are a bitch.
6) When all else fails, turn to alcohol.
Works every time.
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See ehn, to set make plans is human, to not procrastinate those plans into oblivion is indeed divine. There is huge potential to excel at being a professional procrastinator in everybody and if you are one of the people that is always putting that potential to use, this list will hit you hard.
1. When you first get the task and the logical side of your brain tells you to get to work.
You get a task and you immediately push it to the later folder because it will be done but it will be done later. Operating term here being “later”.
2. You keep postponing and extending deadlines.
You tell yourself you are waiting for the motivation to hit so you’ll do it well but who are we fooling? Will you find motivation in your sleep?
3. You see a post with very insightful tips on how to stop procrastinating and you save the post to read later.
Because your village people obviously finished work on your matter.
5. You get scared of picking your calls because it might be a client calling to find out if you are done yet.
And you don’t have enough materials to properly shalaye at this time.
6. You when your clients finally catch up with you and you start manufacturing excuses detailing why you are not done with the work yet.
You could have spent the creativity
No one takes as much “well deserved” breaks like a procrastinator. You spend more time rewarding yourself for doing the work than actually doing the work.
If you could relate to everything on this list then don’t fight it, accept your status as a professional procrastinator. Then go back and read those procrastinating tips you saved for later.
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Here’s some free advice, whatever you do, do not opt-in for the Nigerian adulting package. It is a scam. But I”m guessing it’s already too late for you. And if that is the case please join the line of wailers and “had I known” on the left there. Adulting is an extreme sport on its own but adulting in Nigeria is in a league of its own. But we thought long and hard about it and realized that the 6 things on this list would make the package way easier.
1. Access to a never ending back up cash reservoir.
Nothing teaches the essence of money as adulting does. 20 seconds in you understand exactly how much difference money makes when it is in the picture.
2. A very proactive guardian angel.
Preferably one with the energy level displayed in this GIF and one that we can actually talk to. This guardian angel’s most important KPI (asides making sure we don’t die) is warning us about stupid decisions we are about to make. Like calling an ex because we are bored.
2. An innate ability to cook.
Because food is important and the ability to whip up something both edible and delicious is important.
3. An eternal generator.
Because we both know NEPA a.k.a PHCN lives to disappoint but we need electricity either way.
4. An equally proactive genie.
And we’ll be needing wishes like “rent”, “transport”, “concert tickets”, “data” and “miscellaneous” covered, please.
5. Free Netflix access for one week every month.
To make up for the social life that will keep eluding us.
6. An “UPGRADE TO ADULTING OR REMAIN A CHILD” option.
And most importantly, we would like the luxury of choice please. How do you just shove a person into something like Nigerian adulting simply because they are now old? Be kind please.
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Just putting it out there: This is a work of fiction and in no way has any relationship to anyone whether living (me) or dead (me if my boss thinks this is a sub). That being said, follow this guide if you want to unlock level 100 in this adulting business.
Type very loudly on your keyboard.
Do this while staring intently at your screen. Everyone will think you are replying to an important email even though you are fighting with your partner over Whatsapp chat.
Always hurry off shouting “So much to do.”
Super busy, not enough time. So much to do, not enough 24 hours.
Eat lunch at your desk and complain about work volume.
Tell anyone who cares to listen about how work keeps you so busy you don’t have time for a lunch break. Lunch break is for the weak.
Stay later than everyone.
Make sure you are the last person to leave work. Tell your colleagues that you are trying to finish a super important project. Then you can use the office Wifi to download Altered Carbon which is a really good series by the way.
Reply to Emails late.
Always start with “sorry for the late reply, I have been so busy” when you reply two days later. It is known: only busy/famous people respond late to emails.
Carry a notepad and jot down at weird intervals.
The easiest way to hack seriousness is by constantly writing down at intervals. It makes you look 5 times more serious than everyone. Take your notepad everywhere you go and make sure everyone sees it. Yes, especially to the bathroom. Take it!
Keep sighing at intervals.
A sigh indicates that you are occupied with a lot of work. Your colleagues will even pity you for taking on so much work.
Stare into the distance and not talk to anyone
Busyness is next to quietness. Don’t talk to anyone, just keep staring like you are trying to figure out something important. Even though you are thinking about whether to eat noodles and egg for dinner or not.
If you like this, you can check out our new column titled ‘A Week In The Life Of” that documents the struggle of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and try to earn a living.
Click here to read the first episode about Odunayo, a keke rider. She shows us what it means to be a breadwinner, a chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.
What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!
Everywhere I turn to; “How to be more productive”, ” The 4-hour workweek.”, “Deep work.”
Everything seems geared towards making you some form of productivity machine that does the bidding of capitalism. No one caters to people like us who aren’t interested in all of these things and just want to sleep. People just trying to get from one day to the other.
Well, I flipped the switch and created a guide for us. Here’s how to mess up your productivity for the day.
1) Turn off all your alarms and sleep for extra “thirty” minutes.
Nothing beats that extra let me close my eyes small that results in you oversleeping and jumping out of bed in fear and rushing to work. Although the company is looking for reasons to sack you, don’t make 30 minutes lateness the reason they sack you. It’s fine if you are just like 29 minutes late sha.
2) Go on social media immediately you wake up.
Everyone says you shouldn’t pick up your phone immediately you wake up. I reckon that you should not only pick it up, but you should also do your Good Mornings on there. Then go over to Instagram explore page and be doing God when up and down until you miss the staff bus.
3) Lie down on your bed and ask why you were rushing to grow up.
See, you can’t afford therapy. So, every morning take as much time as you want as your own therapy. Ask yourself: “who send me message to grow up?”
4) Pick a fight with a danfo conductor.
If the conductor doesn’t greet you when you enter his death trap, pick a fight. When people try to beg you to calm down, increase your anger and keep shouting “don’t beg me ohh.” But from a reasonable distance free from the violence of the other party.
5) Trek to work as a form of exercise.
10,000 steps logged in. What is a car when God has installed in you the only car you need. Just buy water and handkerchief for this mission. Even better if you live in Lagos so you can blame the government for your decision to walk.
6) Set early morning meetings.
Nothing to ruin your day like meetings. Set up a meeting to discuss something that can be resolved via email. Ask loads of questions to make it drag. Set up another meeting to clarify the things you don’t understand from the last meeting. Before you know it, a whole day with meetings and you are still left with more questions than answers.
7) Read this article.
You already read this one, why not just continue by reading this one too. You’ll love it!
If you like this, you can check out our new column titled ‘A Week In The Life Of” that documents the struggle of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and try to earn a living.
Click here to read the first episode about Odunayo, a keke rider. She shows us what it means to be a breadwinner, a chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.
What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!
There are years you ask questions and years you answer them. Well, 2020 is the year of asking, and the major question I have is – How do I start a side hustle?
See, if you are like me, chances are that before payday you are already so low on cash that if you forget your change with the bus conductor you have to trek to the office.
Is this lifestyle sustainable? No. Am I willing to do something about it? Yes.
So, I have decided to seek out alternative sources of income outside of my 9-5 because nonsense must stop this year. Poverty leave my trouser 2020.
These are some of the things to consider if you are with me on this journey
Who send me message?
This seems like a captain obvious moment but it isn’t. For me, the major driver for considering a side hustle is money because let’s be serious. Deciding your drive for starting will determine how much effort and time you should put into it.
If the hustle is supposed to replace your 9-5, you would put more effort into it than someone who is doing it to find meaning and purpose.
Passion may not feed you ohhh.
Forget all these pursue your passion and aspire to perspire people. Is your passion viable? Can it bring money? I won’t do anything people aren’t willing to pay for because it will end in what? Passionate tears.
Research before you leap. Passion can’t pay bills.
Money is a validator.
If you are in it for money, the easiest test of viability is how quickly people are willing to pay for your services. Once you have something people are willing to buy, a buyer, a means of collecting money, you are ready to go.
The amount of money you make in as short a time as possible should make you know whether to call it a side hustle or passion.
Patience is a virtue.
If you are as impatient as I am, you want instant gratification. Start today, bloom tomorrow, and quit your day job the day after. Laughs in reality.
We waiting good this year and giving our babies time to grow. This means long hours and patience with the process. Can I hear someone say amen?
Don’t get fired at your 9-5.
May our village people not finally get us. Because side hustles require a lot of time and effort, it’s very tempting to neglect the employer’s work to focus on building your own thing. This always ends in unemployed tears. Imagine no more day job to finance pursuing your extracurricular hustle. Tragic.
I have decided that in my spare time after work and on the weekends are when I will pursue my side gig to prevent “I thy known.”
Was this helpful? Let me know in the comments section. Also, incase you missed the epic story on resigning, you should read this. You either resign a hero or drag it out long enough to see your oga become the villain.
Dear Zikoko fam, watch this space. Zikoko is starting stories on personal finance like this and a series on hustling and what it means to earn a living in Nigeria. Tell a friend to tell two other friends.
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