adhd | Zikoko!

Let’s start from the top. When did you first learn about ADHD?

I first came across ADHD in a book I read when I was younger and could relate to one of the characters. I was like, “I feel like I have this”. And I always had that at the back of my mind, but I wasn’t really sure what it was because I didn’t have access to the internet then, so I couldn’t exactly Google it.

But growing up, I just always had a feeling that I wasn’t quite like other kids. In school, I was always playful and distracted and struggled with focusing on classwork. I thought that was just being a child, but then I went to secondary school, and it was like that too. My classwork grades suffered because I could never focus enough to get things done. I only did well during exams after studying last minute.

When were you diagnosed?

The first time I spoke to a therapist about it was in 2018. He was the first therapist I saw, but it wasn’t because of ADHD, it was because I was depressed. After we spoke about my depression, I told him I think I might also have ADHD. He didn’t do a test; he just said, “I don’t think you have it because you did well in secondary school, graduated early and got good results. He said it wasn’t possible.

At the time, I didn’t ask any further questions because he was a professional, so I assumed he knew better. But he did diagnose me with an anxiety disorder and depression. It wasn’t until 2021 that I got diagnosed with ADHD. I spoke to another therapist who asked me a few questions and told me I had it. Then while interacting with a client from work (a licensed therapist) about an ADHD project I was working on, they confirmed it.

I could relate to so many of the things she was saying about ADHD and even used stuff I struggle with as examples. She was like, “You clearly have ADHD”. So from the therapists I spoke to and the questions they asked me, I was diagnosed and it was confirmed.

Then I went into deep research and found that I could relate to a lot of the things I read about, especially the inattentive ADHD type. I’d watch TikTok videos relating to ADHD and feel like they were talking about me.

You mentioned anxiety and depression earlier. Tell me about that

I’ve always been aware of my anxiety. I just didn’t have the language for it.

I was always overly worried about the smallest things in ways that would affect me to the point where I wouldn’t be able to think properly. Concentrating was hard; I would even get headaches sometimes. I used to panic a lot. I was dating somebody who once told me: “One thing about you is that you worry too much.” And it was true. I also used to assume the worst, and was paranoid all the time. One time, I had a headache and was so sure I had a brain tumour.

How did you go about getting help for your depression?

I was living with my aunt, and she noticed I kept to myself a lot, and was barely talking to anyone. One day, I sent my aunties a voice note about having suicidal thoughts. One of them is a pastor in the UK, so she prayed for me. The auntie I was living with could see something was wrong, so they came together and decided to get me professional help.

I saw the therapist for the first time in a clinic owned by a family member, and he asked me a lot of questions. My auntie went with me and also spoke to the therapist. And the next day, he diagnosed me with anxiety and depression, and put me on meds. This was in 2018.

You haven’t mentioned your parents at all. What about them?

I’ve never had a close-knit nuclear unit. My mum lives in Edo state, and my dad is in Europe. He’s been there for a long time. I was born there as well. He and my mum never married; they just met there and had me, and we all lived together for a bit. But when I was about eight years old, my mum brought me back to Edo state. I lived there with her for about a year until my paternal grandmother came to pick me up and brought me to Lagos.

So I grew up with my grandma and my dad’s youngest sister. They took care of me as best as they could, sent me to the best schools and gave me everything I needed. My grandma is late now. She died in 2015. But I grew up with her for the longest time. I was very close to her, so her death hit me really hard.

I’m so sorry for your loss. When was the last time you saw your mum?

When I was 16. That was the first and last time she came to Lagos to see me. She tried to keep in contact as much as possible. When I didn’t have a phone, she’d call my grandma or auntie. And when I had a phone, she’d call me a lot.

I tried my best to connect with her, but it wasn’t easy for me because she wasn’t somebody I spent a lot of time with. I think she gave up at some point because I haven’t spoken to her in almost three years.

Do you think the ADHD affected your relationship with her?

Yes. For sure. For people with ADHD, it’s harder to connect with people who we don’t see or talk to often. My mum and I weren’t really talking, so the less I interacted with her, the more I forgot her. I get overwhelmed with phone calls, which made me avoid hers. There was just a lot of communication imbalance until she eventually stopped trying.

Do your aunties know about you having ADHD too?

The one I live with knows. The pastor in the UK and the other one don’t. The one I live with only found out because I wrote about it, and she saw it.

She doesn’t understand the severity of it; she doesn’t know that the way my brain functions is different from neurotypicals. And I haven’t really tried explaining it to her because I just don’t have the strength.

Are you in a relationship? How does ADHD affect your relationship with your partner?

Yes, and it does. A lot. I think my current relationship helped me understand things about my ADHD I didn’t notice before. For example, how I always assume the worst. There was one time he didn’t get back from work at the usual time he does, and he wasn’t picking up his phone. I panicked. I called his friend, and his friend called his sister. When he finally got home, it was a whole thing because he couldn’t understand why 30 minutes would cause such a fuss.

It wasn’t until I did some more research that I found out it’s an ADHD thing. Another thing is how I feel things deeply and react quickly.

One time we’d had a fight the night before, but we’d sorted it out. The next day, he didn’t text me first like he usually would, and I got so upset. I just assumed he was still upset about the fight. Meanwhile, he’d been having a crazy morning, woke up late, got to work late, got thrown into a meeting and got thrown into a major work task. And I was just there thinking he didn’t want to talk to me. So I made a big deal out of it.

Now, I count to 10 or I think about different scenarios first before reacting. I still slip up because I’m only human, but I’m trying now.

So he knows about your ADHD. Is he supportive?

I told him on our first date in early 2022 because I needed to know if it was something he could handle. But it was harder in the beginning, with me always losing things, my time blindness, my inability to sleep, reacting quickly and all that.

There was a time I even felt like my ADHD was too much for him. I came up with a document that had a list of links on how you can help a partner with ADHD. I felt like he hadn’t done research on it, and I wanted to help him out a bit. The list included TikTok videos, articles, etc. But when I told him, he misunderstood and thought I was asking him to do all the work. It caused a lot of friction. I had to explain that I was doing work on my own, but I also wanted to show him how he could support me in the relationship.

ALSO READ: 7 Young Nigerians Talk About Living with ADHD

How long ago was this? Is he more supportive now?

This was the middle of 2022. He’s a lot more supportive now. He talked about us doing therapy together so he can understand deeper, especially before we get married.

My ADHD is not too much for him if he’s willing to go to therapy with me. He also does little things that make it easier. For example, he tries to keep things where I’d easily find them. He knows I usually misplace my AirPods. So if he sees them in the bathroom or something, he just puts them where I’d easily find them.

I’m glad you have that. Has ADHD affected your work in any way?

That’s where it’s really hard, honestly, so I wing it. Especially because I work in a fast-paced environment where there are a lot of big tasks. With ADHD, it takes a lot of energy to focus.

Sometimes, I just want to lie down and not do my tasks until the last minute because it’s too overwhelming. That’s how almost every day at work goes. But I push myself. I use the fact that I don’t want to get fired, and I want a promotion, to do my job well.

I have time blindness — I often think I have time when I don’t. So when I wait till the very last minute then just rush through it, something else in my life suffers for it, like me not getting enough sleep.

I switched roles recently, and work is more exciting now. That makes it easier. Monotonous tasks are the worst for a person with ADHD, but my role allows for a lot of excitement. This is another thing about having ADHD, you’re interested in so many things. I’ve had many hobbies and done quite a few things in my life. I’ve done makeup. There was a time I wanted to start selling smoothies. Another time, I was so sure I would become a business consultant. I even started my own digital magazine.

Would you say that’s an advantage of having ADHD? Just being interested in and being able to do many things?

It can be an advantage or disadvantage. An advantage because you always have great ideas; you’re always learning something new. You can find creative ideas in the smallest things. But I start something, find out the nitty-gritty of what it takes to do it and just lose interest.

Sometimes, it’s hard to find what you’re passionate about; there’s no way to be sure it’s not just another exciting project that’d last a few months. I always need excitement, and I’m learning to find it in as many things as I can.

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Oluwatobi Afolabi

May 31, 2023

Her, What She Said

adhd, Her, My ADHD
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a mental health disorder that can cause above-normal levels of hyperactive and impulsive behaviours. People with ADHD may also have trouble focusing their attention on a single task or sitting still for long periods of time. While ADHD mostly affects children, some adults carry the disorder well into adulthood. I spoke with a few of those adults about living with the condition.

Femi

Initially, I was what people would call a “gifted child” so I was able to get away with not focusing and doing the work needed. Eventually, when I needed to sit and study, it was never easy and my parents and teachers could not understand the decline. I would spend 9 hours trying to study in order to 2-3 hours of actual study time.

In my 4th year of medical school, I could see the signs that I might have ADHD and I had developed coping mechanisms around it. Being a medical student, I was curious as I was able to tick off the symptoms and self-diagnose but I wanted to know if I was accurate. I went to a General Practitioner and told her some of my symptoms. She referred me to the psychology department to get a professional opinion. They asked a bunch of questions about when I first noticed my symptoms and stuff about my childhood.

I was offered medication but I refused it. I preferred going the route of psychotherapy and coping methods like breaking my work into segments. I don’t try to study all at once. I also use tricks like studying for 20 minutes and taking a 3-minute break to check Twitter or something, instead of forcing myself to study for long stretches. Exercise and meditation have also helped greatly.

Jumoke

My mom is a medical personnel and had made a general diagnosis. I had seen the signs of ADHD but I didn’t realise I had a problem until I got a job as a customer care representative. I used to drift off and my brain would get “hot” and shut down. In my job, I’d find myself opening multiple apps to reply to customers and end up replying to none. I thought I hated the job but I found out that I just couldn’t get anything done, no matter how hard I tried. I also used to become hyper fixated on people and things. I would find a bottle and suddenly it would seem like my life revolved around it.

I’d also get unnecessarily excited and would always interrupt people during conversations. Other times, I’d up by 2 in the morning, thinking about short term ideas and I’d be so hyper fixated, I wouldn’t be able to sleep till I get it done. I’ve registered for countless courses which I’ve failed to finish. Of course, it also affected me academically. I had to find my own method of studying. I always thought I was lazy but deep down, I just couldn’t.

I want to get a diagnosis and treatment ASAP because it’s messing up my life. I had to leave two jobs in the space of two months. Even though I’m bursting with ideas, it’s hard to work. I’m scared I might leave this new job too. I want to get professional help, but I’m not in that financial space.

Sam

Before my ADHD diagnosis, I always suspected something was wrong with the way I approached work: if the work was unstructured, I excelled at it.

As soon as something required managing schedules, repetition and project management, I quickly became inundated. Something as basic as sending an email was a chore. I tend to keep an email ‘in my head’ until I never eventually send it. Doing the same thing more than once frustrates me to the point of losing my temper, I cannot sit still in meetings, and I’m either unable to focus on anything, or I focus too hard on something until I’m spent in which case I never want to interact with that thing again.

Things got to a head when it began to increasingly affect work. It started to become more difficult when I switched careers. It strained me and nearly cost me my job. I just couldn’t bring myself to concentrate. It reflected poorly on me, and my employer was wondering about the disparity between what he knew I could do and what I was doing. Even I couldn’t explain it. Mercifully, my school provided mental health services as part of its perks and I had a consultation with a US-based therapist.

We went through a checklist and my family history, as well as my previous mental health profile (anxiety and depression, which apparently are ‘follow-come’ with ADHD) before she confirmed ADHD. Unfortunately, she couldn’t prescribe drugs from the US, so I had to get a Nigerian therapist here, who insisted on diagnosing me herself. She was even more rigorous, insisting on speaking to my parents to get my childhood data/history before making her assessment. She came to the same conclusion – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

The effects were immediate. I was able to focus, mostly, but the more important thing I’d describe as important is that I wasn’t experiencing that waxing and waning of interest/energy when I was working.

Tioluwanimi

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year. It wasn’t a surprise because I had problems with relating with people and doing tasks. One minute, I’m really into an activity and the next, I’ve lost all interest. I was always restless and could never focus on a task. I was also very hyperactive and disorganised, which caused a lot of friction between me and my mom. I had and still have a short attention span and I find it difficult to concentrate. I went from being an A student to a C student because I couldn’t settle down to study.

Currently, my treatment entails therapy, majorly anger management. I ghosted my ADHD therapy because I lost interest.

Bunmi

I didn’t confirm I had ADHD till I was 28. I was your regular gifted kid who excelled at everything. My report card always read, “She’s highly intelligent but overly restless.” I was there, living in my head with my overactive imagination and volatile emotions. I managed to get through most of my adulthood because there was structure and I had an extreme need to please people.

After uni, I lost all that structure in my personal life and began to struggle. At work, I still had some structure so I managed to do well. My job can be very demanding and somehow, my life narrowed down to the fulfilment of my role. I was incapable of managing my life alongside my job. I took a test in 2018 and discovered I had ADHD.

It’s been a rollercoaster ride of coffee, yoga and learning to be a lot less hard on myself. I’ve learned to understand the way I am and realise my brain is just different in some ways. I’ve also learned to cope with my weak points and plan to compensate for them in advance.

Jane

Life was an endless loop of trying and being exceptional at stuff but dropping the balls on the simple, mundane, everyday tasks. Everyone would lash me about not being able to do basic stuff and how disappointing it was not to have it together. I would then focus on that, causing my personal life to fall apart. A lot of times, I was told that I was lazy and good-for-nothing.

It was like everyone saw how “great” I could become, but no one saw how hard I was already trying. Toss in a couple of health complications, and I was a complete mess. By 19 I had contemplated suicide several times and attempted at least thrice.

I was 19 when I heard a nurse talk to a young mother about getting her hyperactive toddlers assessed for ADHD. I was curious enough to ask her about it, and she gave me a brief description (which did not stick), then made a comment about how I had it too. I researched and related so much to the symptoms. But one of the articles I read at the time said children grow out of it when they hit 18, so I dropped it.

Fast forward to 2020. I had hit a burn-out very late the previous year and could no longer tolerate physical human interactions or gatherings of any kind.

I stumbled into the Neurodiverse squad on Twitter and found adults living with ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions and it was an eye-opening experience. Their openness about the way the conditions present (as adults) helped me see that there’s a lot more to these conditions than I previously knew.

This led me to pay attention to myself, sort out what I struggle with, that isn’t normal I thought they were normal, and that people just knew how to manage them better than I could. It’s part of why I felt like a shitty human being and questioned my own right to be alive. So I started to pick apart what is normal and what is not. Then I put all of these together and got into testing and discovered I had ADHD.

My favourite coping mechanism so far is to lean into the chaos. Rather than expend a lot of energy trying to get my brain to work like society expects, (and failing and feeling like a failure because of it), I focus instead on the goal, and allow my brain to lead. But most importantly, apart from my visual reminders, I am starting to accept, that I am EPIC at some things, but I cannot be great at everything. And that’s fine.

Pelumi

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. I tend to walk around a lot and I cannot stay in a place. If I stay in a place, I might die.

My parents thought it was a horrible problem and used all type of methods to stop me from pacing around. I vividly remember they tied me to a chair one day. It’s just an unconscious habit for me. I just pace around without any thought to how it makes people around me feel uncomfortable. People don’t like twitchy people so I always have to comport but it’s so hard, man. I just find myself constantly apologizing for making them feel uncomfortable but I can’t help it. I’m Paul Walker. But seriously, it’s tough always looking like a mad man because my body just wants to walk around and I’m always fidgety and twitching.

I feel like it’s going to take a lot of conditioning for me to stop walking around or losing concentration but I’m willing to learn coping mechanisms to help me if the need arises.

QUIZ: Only Attentive Nigerians Can Answer These Random Questions

Olufemi Fadahunsi

March 29, 2021

Inside Life

adhd, mental health

Let’s start from the top. When did you first learn about ADHD?

When were you diagnosed?

You mentioned anxiety and depression earlier. Tell me about that

How did you go about getting help for your depression?

You haven’t mentioned your parents at all. What about them?

I’m so sorry for your loss. When was the last time you saw your mum?

Do you think the ADHD affected your relationship with her?

Do your aunties know about you having ADHD too?

Are you in a relationship? How does ADHD affect your relationship with your partner?

So he knows about your ADHD. Is he supportive?

ALSO READ: 7 Young Nigerians Talk About Living with ADHD

How long ago was this? Is he more supportive now?

I’m glad you have that. Has ADHD affected your work in any way?

Would you say that’s an advantage of having ADHD? Just being interested in and being able to do many things?

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Femi

Jumoke

Sam

Tioluwanimi

Bunmi

Jane

Pelumi