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  • How to Find Vex Money When Your 9 to 5 Is What’s Vexing You

    How to Find Vex Money When Your 9 to 5 Is What’s Vexing You

    Be a trust fund baby

    The easiest way to have money in this life is to have rich parents. If you’re a trust fund baby, vex money is your birthright and you don’t need to stress to get it. But if you’re not, you’ll have to swallow your pride and look for another option.

    Have a second 9 to 5

    It’s remote work season, and everyone is working more than one job to survive. If one job is stressing your life, ditch it and focus on the other one. In many ways, it’s very similar to having a side chic or side guy.

    Collect a salary advance

    If your job has decided that it wants to stress you, isn’t it only appropriate that you should be getting paid upfront for it? Once your job starts vexing you, collect a salary advance and ghost them.

    Have a sugar daddy/mummy

    Find a sugar daddy or sugar mummy that’ll date you in a way that’ll please God. They’ll be sending you money when you need it and providing moral support when your job stresses you out. 

    Or bill your partner

    If you have a partner, rub their head, cook for them, shed crocodile tears, or even shed real tears so they can pity you and dash you vex money. Just do whatever you need to do collect money from them.

    Have a side business

    You need to have a side hustle that’s not just another job. Because, what if both of them start to move mad at the same time? Where will you run to?

    Trade crypto

    Yes, yes. We know crypto has dipped, but that’s exactly why you should buy it. Remember when you said you’ll buy the dip? Better start doing so now  so you can have “keep your job” money by the time it pops. 

    You can easily buy cryptocurrencies and trade them on the Bundle app. They have over 80 cryptocurrencies from Bitcoin and Ethereum to SHIBA. Download the app and sign up to get started.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • 7 Things Capitalism Scammed Us Into Believing

    7 Things Capitalism Scammed Us Into Believing

    Do you remember how long you’ve had a “dream job”? How did anybody ever convince you to dream of labour? Capitalism is to blame. 

    Here are some other things capitalism has scammed you into believing.

    That interviews are a good thing

    First of all, why are you auditioning for hard labour and feeling bad when you get rejections? Do you like pain? It’s giving BDSM. 

    “The harder you work, the more money you make”

    Just take a look at your paycheck and that of a politician. You’ll see that capitalism is a bandit. The easiest way to get rich is to be born rich. The next best way is to marry a rich person. The rest is just capitalism trying to swindle you.

    “Follow your passion, and money will come”

    My passion is sleeping because why am I still a mechanic? Make it make sense.

    Dream jobs

    This one’s obviously a lie to lure us back to the plantations because why are you dreaming of labour?

    “Learning never ends”

    Of course, I’ll keep learning after spending ten hours at work screaming, “Can you see my screen?” and an extra two hours in traffic to and from work every day. I’ll definitely keep learning.

    “Your network is your net worth”

    Just prepare your heart for aggressive airing from all angles. They will snub you so much, you’ll think you’re a ghost.

    Weekends

    When was the last time you actually rested on a weekend? Just think about it. It’s all a scam.

    NEXT READ: Believing in Dream Jobs Is a Capitalist Trap

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • 15 Pictures That Are Too Real For Any Nigerian With A 9 To 5

    15 Pictures That Are Too Real For Any Nigerian With A 9 To 5

    1. When you realize you don’t really work from 9 to 5.

    More like 8 to 6, and let’s not even discuss the traffic.

    2. How you wake up every weekday:

    Do I really need this job?

    3. When work is stress but you remember how much you need the money.

    Bills. Bills. Bills.

    4. When you first started your job vs. You at your job now:

    Look at me now.

    5. When you realize how underpaid you actually are.

    See me and all my years in the University.

    6. How time moves when you’re working:

    Of course.

    7. How time moves when you’re on your lunch break:

    Lunch break: The shortest hour of your life.

    8. When this is all you think about on public holidays:

    Another holiday, please.

    9. How you come into work on Mondays:

    Goodbye, weekend.

    10. Your mood all through the week:

    Can I leave?

    11. How you leave work on Fridays:

    Hello, weekend.

    12. How you look at your co-worker that seems to genuinely care about the job:

    How is it doing you?

    13. When your boss tells you that you can close.

    BYE!!!

    14. How traffic stops you on your way back home:

    What is all this?

    15. Your social life is constantly looking at you like:

    “You used to be so much fun.”

    Daniel Orubo

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