30+ Twitter | Zikoko!

To be honest, the 30+ jokes write themselves. You don’t have to try too hard to find something joke-worthy about 30+ people. I mean, they sleep at 8 p.m. and think the abbreviation “IMO” means “Imo State”.

Tempting as it is to constantly make 30+ jokes, I think it’s enough. And you might agree with my reasons too.

We’ll soon be 30+ too

By we, I mean the Gen Z. We can’t even claim to be young anymore. Think about it, we’ll be inductees into the 30+ group in four or so years. It hurts just to think about it.

The jokes are starting to give reality

We laugh about 30+ folks and their back pains all the time, but guess who has started feeling pains in their backs, too? You and I.

We don’t have money

We always complain about how going “outside” leads to the dreaded “savings or current?” question. But we’re bantering people who’ve hacked sleeping at home until it’s absolutely necessary — and saving money while at it. Make it make sense, please.

They seem to have their shit together

If anything, we should be begging them to give us tips to navigate this adulting thing. It’s tough out here.

It’s time to move to 40+ jokes

Gen Zs aren’t the only ones getting older. Today’s 30+ will be tomorrow’s 40+. Don’t let them think they’re off the hook.

Or even 60+

If you think about it, it’s their agemates in power that are making this country difficult for us.

We’re all tired

We say 30+ people are always tired, but that’s swiftly catching up with my Gen Z babes. We’re tired of everything: Nigeria, capitalism, paying bills and carrying the whole social media. At this point, throw everything away.

We’re celebrating the Nigerian culture of meat and grill with Burning Ram. Have you gotten a ticket yet?

GET A TICKET HERE

NEXT READ: What It Means to Be 30+, From the POV of New Inductees

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Tife Oni

October 6, 2023

Inside Life

30+, 30+ jokes, 30+ Twitter, Funny, Nigerians
30+ back jokes are some of the most viral tweets on Twitter. Everyone knows that turning 30 changes your body but I wanted to know how it affected women specifically. I made a call for 30+ Nigerian women to share some of the ways their body changed when they turned 30. Here’s what five of them have to say.

Kissu, 35

I have not been able to shed weight as fast as I used to. I now deal with ovulation pain that was never there before, and it hurts like crazy. Also, I get these long stretches of time where I am super horny — I call it my heat period. I read that it’s my ‘biological clock’ screaming for babies.

Oby, 33

The first thing I noticed was that my metabolism slowed. I used to be able to eat a lot and not add any weight but now I can stay without eating for two days and I will still add weight. My knees started hurting. I could be squatting for three minutes and standing up would be a problem.

I’ve been diagnosed with endometriosis, so my periods always hurt. It was bad before 30, but it’s worse now. I used to be able to ease the pain with one or two tablets of Felvin but now I could take a pack in a day. I also have irritable bowel syndrome so I am always bloated. My favourite part about my 30s is that my curves became very pronounced. I also became more comfortable with my sexuality. I started saying that I used my 20s to do trial and error to figure out what my body needs. Now, 30+ sex means if it’s not giving me orgasms, then I’m not doing it.

Abigail, 34

I birthed my first child when I was 30. I went from a size 6 to size 14. I developed hypo-pigmentation — loss of melanin on some parts of my skin and a pain in my back that never leaves. I also lost my hair and had to cut off my beautiful long locs. When I go out to have drinks and have fun, it takes two full days to recover.

Jolie, 34

When I turned 30, I found out I had hypothyroidism — a condition where the thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormones. This means I can’t eat certain foods. I became lactose intolerant. Constipation became a regular thing. I stopped ovulating and have to be on medications forever. I had to start a diet plan and eat out less except I want to reward myself on some days.

Atinuke, 34

When I was younger, I lost weight faster. I could eat one meal a day for six months and I would lose weight. Now if I like I don’t eat for six months, nothing is going anywhere. I also noticed I get tired easily. I have a sedentary lifestyle because of my work yet at the end of a day, I feel as if I’ve been on my feet all day. When I work for a few hours, I need to take a break unlike before where I could go long stretches of time working.

For more women-centred content, click here

Mariam Sule

March 4, 2021

Her

30+, 30+ Twitter, Body, Nigerian women
You may not think you are a 30+ Nigerian man, but if you use any of these emojis, then you are.

1) Lies and deceit

All the variations of the smiling emojis are weird and twisted, but this is one of the worst. Do those eyes look like they belong to someone genuinely smiling? Why do they love it so much? Is it because their lives are full of lies and emptiness?

2) The married man

This emoji is mainly used by Nigerian married men when they’re calling you “dear”. It’s usually used with statements like “You look beautiful, dear.” Whenever they start using this emoji too much, they want to cheat.

3) The tasty

This is one of the weirdest emojis they use. Statements like “you look good” usually have this emoji attached to it.

4) The serial killer

Either they use this emoji or they type “smiles”. Only serial killers or 30+ Nigerian men use this emoji.

5) The empty smile

The smile looks so fake it’s scary. The government needs to abolish this emoji, but 30+ Nigerian men might just enter the streets in protest.

6) The “smart” one

They use this when they are pretending to be interested in things you are interested in. Segun, we know you don’t really care.

7) The “fun” one

They use this emoji when they are trying to be “cool”. It usually follows statements like “won’t you see me later?”.

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Itohan Esekheigbe

December 10, 2020

Inside Life

30+ Nigerian men, 30+ Twitter, Nigerian Men
We like to think our bodies are our own. Like we own and control them. But you see this body you call your own, it chooses to disgrace, embarrass and betray you, occasionally at the worst of times.

Read on to see the 6 terrible ways your body can betray you so you can cast and bind them next Sunday.

1. When your stomach betrays you

Of all the betrayals, this one is the worst. Once it hits you, you’ll just start sweating big bullets of sweat out of nowhere and all the hair on your body will stand at attention.

Next, the stupid stomach starts rumbling as you running around looking for the closest toilet. If you don’t find, you’re on your own.

2. When your hairline betrays you

Men know this all too well. Your hairline starts to do a Michael Jackson and moonwalks to the back. You’ll go to bed one night with a full head of hair and wake up the next morning with strands of hair gently falling on your pillow while you slept. If this is not the most painful body betrayal, I don’t know what is.

3. When your period betrays you

You’ve not seen your boyfriend in four months because you live in different cities. But he’s coming to town for the weekend. Your pussy is throbbing at the time you’re going to have. You’ve been telling him that you have that WAP.

Little do you know that your uterus has other plans for you. As he is landing at the airport, your period is landing too.

So, all plans for mekwe are cancelled till further notice (probably another four months). If you’re thinking “period doesn’t stop anything,” I want you to know that you’re a very nasty nasty person. I hope God forgives you.

4. When your penis betrays you

This one is probably the 2nd worst. You’ve slid into this babe’s DM like 8 months ago, arranging the parole patiently for when she comes to Lagos. Everything is set, your date was great. You get home and its time to do some gbas gbos under the sheets. Alas, your penis has refused to cooperate with you. You beg and plead but no show for you today. Dead.

5. When your immune system betrays you

This one is just annoying. Your body can just pack up one day and say it’s not doing again. You start to regret all the time you stressed your body, but it’s too late. Go and use two Coartem and one paracetamol. Pele.

6. When your age starts to betray you

30+, this is for you. You realise that your body can’t do what it used to. You’re going to bed by 9 p.m. When you’re in Quilox, you’re already yawning by 11.30. Before, you used to do 5 rounds non-stop, now you can only 1½ rounds before you call it a night. Your body starts to slow down

You should probably read 5 Ways Your Body Changes After You Turn 30 (According To Twitter).

Olufemi Fadahunsi

August 8, 2020

Inside Life

30+ Twitter, betray, Body
Based on my findings in the festering cesspool that is Twitter, this meme, featuring the great Steve Buscemi, perfectly explains what young people (below 30) think 30-year-olds look like:

But wrinkly, leathery skin is just one of the things young people think comes with being 30. Here’s a list of the other things:

1) Falling asleep everywhere.

According to Twitter streets, once a person turns 30, they’re instantly cursed with the inability to stay awake past 9 PM or through anything. E.g movies, late night conversations etc.

2) Forgetting everything.

As soon as the clock strikes 12 AM on your 30th birthday, say goodbye to all your memories and your ability to remember anything. You’ll be hit with as much forgetfulness as those old white people in movies with Alzheimer’s. Yours won’t be as cute though.

3) Body Pains

Body pains where? EVERYWHERE. You’re going to feel pain in joints you didn’t even know you had. Also, whenever you move, your joints are going to squeak louder than the Tin Man’s pelvis during sex. That’s just a thing you (and everyone around you) are gonna have to get used to.

4) Not being able to take small play.

“So you want me at my big age to be dancing to Bop Daddy on tiktok with you? Do you know how old I am?”

5) Incontinence

It turns out that when you turn 30, Mother Nature takes away the control you have over your urinary sphincter, which is gonna lead to you peeing your pants at random times. You better start stocking up on adult diapers.

Click here to read about 5 ways BDSM can go wrong in Nigeria.

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Astor George

April 23, 2020

Inside Life

30+ Twitter