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2015 | Zikoko!
  • The Class of 2015 Governors Who Want to Retire As Senators

    The Class of 2015 Governors Who Want to Retire As Senators

    There’s something about being a public office holder in Nigeria that’s addictive. It’s why resignations are rare, and some people can spend 30 years trying to be president.

    But the constitution makes it impossible for politicians to last in certain posts forever. For example, a governor cannot serve more than two terms. You simply have to pack your load and leave for the next guy.

    But some Nigerian governors that have no intention of just retiring to a quiet life have always considered the Senate a consolatory retirement plan. It’s perfect because it’s the most prestigious legislative chamber and more importantly, you can remain in the seat as long as you can keep winning elections every four years. And you don’t even have to do much when you win.

    The Senate is already home to over a dozen former governors cashing checks, and there’s a new batch of about-to-become former governors who hope to join them by the time the 2023 general elections are over. Find them below:

    Aminu Tambuwal, 56

    Aminu Tambuwal wants to retire to the Senate

    Aminu Tambuwal has been the governor of Sokoto State since 2015. He was a member of the All Progressives Congress (APC) when he won his first term in 2015, but moved to the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) before he won re-election in 2019. With two consecutive terms about to be concluded, he contested for the PDP’s ticket for the 2023 presidential election but withdrew for the eventual winner, Atiku Abubakar. 

    Tambuwal later picked up the ticket to contest the Sokoto South senatorial district election in 2023. Unlike many others on this list, he’s not a stranger to the National Assembly. He was a member of the House of Representatives between 2003 and 2015 and even served as House Speaker between 2011 and 2015.

    Samuel Ortom, 61

    Samuel Ortom wants to retire to the Senate

    Like Tambuwal, Ortom won his first term as Benue State governor as a member of the APC and second term as a PDP member. Before 2015, he served as the Minister of Industry, Trade and Investment. He’s now won the PDP’s ticket unchallenged to contest for the Benue North-West senatorial district seat in 2023.

    Dave Umahi, 58

    Dave Umahi wants to retire to the Senate

    Dave Umahi first entered the Ebonyi State Government House as a deputy governor in 2011 before he won the 2015 governorship election. He won re-election for a second term in 2019 and is now looking for a new challenge as his tenure nears its end. He first contested for the presidential ticket of the APC and finished in sixth place but he’s now APC’s candidate to contest in the Ebonyi South senatorial district election in 2023. 

    Okezie Ikpeazu, 57

    Okezie Ikpeazu is PDP’s candidate for the Abia South senatorial district election. Abia State’s last two governors — Orji Uzor Kalu and Theodore Orji — are current senators, so Ikpeazu is only following a familiar trend here.

    ALSO READ: An Abacha in Agbada Is Trying to Return to Power

    Darius Ishaku, 67

    Darius Ishaku wants to retire to the Senate

    Darius Ishaku was Nigeria’s Minister of State for Niger Delta Affairs before he became Taraba State governor in 2015. He won’t be withdrawing to a private life when his second term expires in 2023 and has his sights on the Senate. The governor has already picked up the PDP’s ticket to contest in the Taraba South senatorial district election.

    Abubakar Sani Bello, 54

    Abubakar Sani Bello wants to retire to the Senate

    Abubakar Sani Bello is also not interested in taking a break when his eight-year reign as the governor of Niger State ends in 2023. He wants to represent Niger North senatorial district at the National Assembly if he wins the general election.

    Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi, 58

    The governor of Enugu State, Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi, is eyeing a homecoming to the National Assembly if he wins the Enugu North senatorial district election as a PDP candidate in 2023. Before he was elected governor in 2015, he’d served 12 years at the House of Representatives, representing Igboeze North/Udenu Federal Constituency of Enugu State between 2003 and 2015.

    Simon Lalong, 59

    Simon Lalong wants to retire to the Senate

    The governor of Plateau State, Simon Lalong, is yet another former lawmaker who became an executive governor and is hungry to make a return to lawmaking with a step up to the Senate. 

    Lalong is a former Speaker of the Plateau State House of Assembly where he served two terms between 1999 and 2007. He now hopes to become the senator representing Plateau South senatorial district by winning the election next year as an APC candidate.

    ALSO READ: These Politicians’ Kids Are Taking Over from Their Parents

  • Anybody Have Buhari’s Phone Number? We Have Some Questions About 2015.

    I miss 2015. Back then, my biggest problems were deciding my parental finesse of the month, deciding what classes I’d grace with my presence or losing my mind over what colour this dress is (blue and black ftw!).

    2015 was also the year Nigerians were taken for a jolly good ride by the man we now call President. Back in 2015, Buhari, decked in a suit and Hi-fiving his adorable grandchild made a couple of promises that seemed too good to be true, and that’s probably because they were.

    The dreams we got sold were so sweet, it’s 2019 and I’m still throwing away salute. That’s by the way — a promise is a promise is a promise, so we have a few questions to ask our dear president, especially with elections coming up in only a couple of weeks:

    Did you lose our 5k in the mail?

    Back in 2015, Buhari promised Nigeria’s unemployed youth a monthly stipend of 5 000 each.

    And while yes, ₦5 000 probably won’t go very far in these trying times of 100 Gala, it was a grand idea, so we waited for him to come through.

    And wait we did. On a trip to Saudi Arabia in 2016, Buhari relayed an epiphany that very sadly escaped him in 2015. The ₦5000 stipend would be better utilised for infrastructure, so LOL… sorry to everyone expecting money.

    By the end of 2016, the government had a change of heart and decided to in fact disburse the ₦5 000 to Nigeria’s poorest.

    The question is, where is my 5k? And no way I don’t qualify. I may or may not have chugged Garri and groundnut without water for a week in 2017, and it’s not because I enjoy being choked.

    The Post-NYSC salary, how far?

    This was one of my favourite promises of 2015. After suffering through CDS and monthly clearances, a shining light awaited if a job wasn’t immediately available.

    A whole year’s salary while you got your shit together coupled with enrollment in a vocational school — all on the government’s tab. How very thoughtful.

    Anyway, we’re sure he only forgot about this, somebody please make sure he sees this to maybe jog his memory.

    Good job on the school feeding programme, but can Lagos get a little love?

    The president promised a free meal with fruit for primary school students, and from all indications, it has been moderately successful in some states of the federation.

    Over 7.4 million students currently benefit from the programme. While there are confirmed bottlenecks, the programme is a work-in-progress, and has increased school enrollment, so that’s great.

    However, the programme currently caters to only students from Basic 1-3, leaving those in nursery classes and grades 4-6 in the dark. Plus, it’s only available in 24 states. Can the others, Lagos included get a little love?

    Still sure about this?

    I mean, it’s 2019 and we’re still getting headlines like this.

    Do you remember saying you’d create 3 million jobs annually? Because we do.

    Even though the Minister of Labour – Mr Chris Ngige will have us believe 7 million jobs were created between 2015 and 2017, the actual figures are less, way less.

    Since the assumption of office, up until 2017, the Presidency has been responsible for the creation of only 2.8 million jobs. A far cry from the 6 million jobs we were promised for two years.

    Plus unemployment rates are doing a madness, and reached a worrying 23.1% by the third quarter of 2018.

    See how sweet mouth can be a problem?

    In 2019, it’s a little okay. Or what do you feel, Bubu?

    Back in 2015, when we had no idea how good the Dollar rate we were enjoying was, the APC made it apparent that ₦216 to a Dollar was not a figure to get accustomed to.

    We should have listened and maybe voted another way. But somehow we were under the impression that they meant to reduce and not nearly double the exchange rates.

    Na we fuck up when you think about it.

  • QUIZ: How Was The Year 2015 For You?

    QUIZ: How Was The Year 2015 For You?
    2015 is drawing to a close. Let’s evaluate, shall we?
  • 10 Things That Should Be Left In 2015

    10 Things That Should Be Left In 2015

    1. Lame pick up lines

    https://twitter.com/s_yewande/status/674295911758045184

    2. The uncool pose

    3. People who think think they’re funny because they can switch accents and and do imitations

    https://twitter.com/ConorOnline/status/675019923018641409

    4. Reading extra meaning into ordinary things

    https://twitter.com/Buz_White/status/672843247895642112

    5. Your debtors

    6. The same old fake resolutions that never last

    7. Eyebrows that aren’t on fleek

    8. Phones with cracked screens

    https://twitter.com/KetuBoi/status/666569031885987840

    9. Nollywood movies with terrible plots

    10. Asking for follow backs

    https://twitter.com/KenzoLM_/status/666264948062949377

    11. What other things do you think should be left in 2015?