If you’ve seen Tade Ogidan’s Diamond Ring, William Uchemba’s Mamba’s Diamond, and Kunle Afolayan’s latest, Ijogbon, you’ll agree when I say Nigerians don’t know how to act when they find treasure.
While the movies may be far-fetched from reality (because BFR, is there any treasure left to find in Nigeria?), it’s important to highlight the things you shouldn’t do when you get lucky and find diamonds or gold in this land.
*SPOILER ALERT
Don’t: Talk
Everything took a downward spiral after the four friends found the diamonds and started cooking up ideas right on the same spot.
Do: Go home, drink water, take a shower, and that’s only when you’ll make decisions with a sound mind.
Don’t: Patronise a lousy dealer called Owonifaari
It was nice enough that they were smart not to involve the police, but they compensated for that by making a terrible mistake. Listen, a dealer can make or mar you.
Do: Wake up every morning and stare at your treasure knowing you’re only a footstep away from poverty.
Don’t: Go outside
Outside is dangerous enough when you don’t have money, so when you are a walking bag of diamonds, you should be scarce.
Although they had a secret shed as their hideout, they did a terrible job with it, hence why they were easily spotted.
Do: Be unavailable
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Don’t: Splurge
Your brain is probably thinking “cash out” and buy all you’ve always wanted, but that’s the fastest way to get in trouble.
Do: Embrace sapa even more
Don’t: Stay in the same city
Jamiu was the only one who had his head in the game among the four friends. Our man was only thinking of heading out to Canada. The others felt a tad bit too comfortable eating where they shat.
Do: Japa
Don’t: Involve third parties
The smaller the party, the safer it is and the juicier the rewards. Oby broke this code when she brought Omo Oba to the shed where they hid the diamonds. If you must involve a third party, it shouldn’t be a royal prince who’s already set up for life.
Do: Gatekeep
You’ll have your fill of grilled, peppered or fried meat and many more at Zikoko’s meat festival on November 11. Have you bought your Burning Ram ticket? You can do that real quick here.