Contrary to popular belief (that they’re are meant to set the mood), sex playlists are made exclusively to mask sex noises so your neighbours don’t come knocking at your door in the morning, trying to find out if witchcraft was the reason you chose to choke a pregnant farm animal at midnight.
With that in mind, here are 5 upbeat songs all y’all should add to your sex playlists so you and your partner can bray as loud as the kids-turned-donkeys at Pleasure Island while bumping genitals.
1) ‘Slob on my Knob‘ by Three Six Mafia
Song Lyrics:
Slob on my knob
Like corn on the cob
Check-in with me, and do your job
Juicy J goes on to ask the girl he’s speaking with to lay on the bed, give him head, and squeeze his nuts. All this before he works in a polite request to let him and his boys run a train on her.
2) ‘Me So Horny’ by 2 Live Crew
Song Lyrics:
“What’ll we get for ten dollars?”
“Every ‘ting you want”
“Everything?”
“Every ‘ting”
“Oh! Don’t do that, baby! Ah!”
“Hold on this! Oh, sock it to me, Ah!”
“Oh”
The song starts with an interaction between two white men and a Vietnamese prostitute about how many sex acts they can get for $10. (The intro above.) The prostitute tells them that $10 will, in fact, get them everything. As soon as this happens, the audio cuts to all parties having sex and moaning in ecstasy.
All this happens before the actual song starts.
3) Tony Matterhorn – Dutty Wine
Song Lyrics:
So fuckin inna wata, fuckin inna sea
Fuckin inna bushes, and fuckin inna tree
If you fuck pon di bed your not fucking me
Fuck pon di floor, fuck pon di t.v.
Fuck pon di dresser, and bruk up figurine
Fuck pon di fan, no gyal no finga me
When mi see di hot gyal dem dat a trigga me
Fuck any where, let fuck be free
Enough said.
4) ‘Bana’ by Niniola
Song Lyrics:
Omorogun ni mo poundie
Tin ba rise mi’ mo poundie o
Anything I say na poundie o, olo
The way you put it down upon me o
When you put it down upon me o
Anything I say na poundie o
We hear you Niniola. Loud and clear.
5) Terry G – Akpako Master
C’mon. Much like Beyonce’s ‘Ego‘, we all know what this song is about. We all know what it means to “knack someone akpako”. And the bells. You know. Stop pretending.
Just stop it.