How to Bag a Rich Bestie in 10 Easy Steps

Nothing screams “big baller” like having a circle of wealthy friends. If you’ve been scheming on how to befriend rich people to no avail, grab your pen and paper now, and jot down these rich tips.

Only move where the rich reside

If you’ll be outside, it should be where wealthy people assemble. Or is there anywhere else to meet rich folks?

Look rich

If you want to catch a monkey, you have to act like a monkey. Wear something easy on the eyes, but not cheap. That’s the only way they’ll look at your side and dash you attention.

Send CV

Write a friendship CV, outline your values and strong points. If they respect creativity, they’ll invite you ~~for an interview~~ to the talking stage.

Good conversation starter

Say things like, “Isn’t that the second Tutu by Ben Enwonwu?” And boom. You’ve grabbed the rich’s attention. Their curiosity about you is your friendship card. Play it right.

Take dinner over free money

Always pick that “dinner with rich people” option over cash. Their advice is more valuable. Learn from them how to fish, and you won’t have to wait for them to extend a fish to you.

Position yourself as confident

All your utterances and gestures should just ooze confidence. Be articulate and firm.

Always laugh at their jokes

This is an unwritten rule, but we’ll write it out for you still. Even if it’s drier than an AY’s comedy special on Netflix, laugh enthusiastically. But be moderate with it sha.

Have a “rich people” problem

You should have at least one of those problems only rich people have. For example, maybe your Benz engine is beginning to sound louder than Oshodi on a Monday. When your rich friend is talking about their problem, and you share yours, baller will recognise baller.