All we wanted as kids were extra pieces of meat. But we went and grew up, and now, if we’re not dealing with the ever-increasing prices of foodstuff, it’s the national grid collapsing every other Eke market day. How do we stay sane in the insanity? As a Nigerian, these are the eleven things that are keeping you from losing your shit.
1. Juice boxes
As a Nigerian adult, juice is the only reminder we have of the good days. Those were the easiest times when all that mattered was your 2go username. Some of us can’t survive if Capri Sonne or Ribena shrinks any further in size.
2. Coffee
It’s either as black as the hearts of people drinking it or you drink it with bougie things like almond and oat milk. Whatever you choose, we’re all getting through the day with the closest thing to legal hard drugs: caffeine.
3. TikTok
Millennials and baby boomers discovered they could clap and move to the left and to the right; now they won’t let the app rest. TikTok is the only thing bringing joy into their lives so we have to endure them.
4. Alcohol
It starts with telling yourself sweet wine is basically juice. Next thing, you find yourself recommending your best brand of alcohol to your colleagues and friends.
5. Friends
Take away the two or three people you know, and it’s over for you in this life. Better cherish the ones you have.
6. Cartoons
You may deny it, but Cocomelon is the only thing keeping you sane. The older you get, the more you cling to the past.
RELATED: Nigerians, Here’s What Your Favourite Adult Cartoon Says About You
7. Owambes and cruise
If you take away party jollof, asoebi and small chops, some people can die. For the rest of us happening babes, it’s life jackets for weekly boat cruises.
8. Inanimate objects
Once you clock 24, it’s fascinating how receiving free curtains and chairs can brighten up your day. As long as it’s useful for an apartment or car and it makes you smile, you’re getting old, my dear.
9. Food
Especially free food. Need I say more? The only thing Nigeria has in abundance is good food. Amala and gbegiri is lowkey the only reason some of us wake up in this country.
RELATED: 8 Things That Taste Better When They’re Free
10. Sex
Now that electricity is playing hide-and-seek, I don’t know how you people are doing it sha. Kindly share your tips.
11. Lies
As adults, our sanity is assured by the lies we tell. They may come back to bite us, but no one can take away the five seconds of peace we enjoyed before the storm.
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