Let’s talk about birthdays.

It’s tradition. People set one day aside to celebrate the day they were born. It sounds like absolutely normal practice, and we’ve become used to it. 

But I don’t celebrate birthdays. 

Alright, let me rephrase — I don’t celebrate my birthday.

This has nothing to do with religion — one of the most common reasons for not celebrating birthdays. I’ve just never been gingered to celebrate a day that marks my birth. I see people celebrate theirs — my friends plan whole hangouts and parties just to — and I absolutely support the dedication. It’s amazing to see, but I’m far too lazy for all that.

I don’t do birthday cakes either. Although I’ll finally buy myself one on my next birthday just to know what it’s like, I’ll still hole up in bed, wondering what I’ve made of my life. At least, I’ll be able to literally have my cake and eat it. 

But this article isn’t about why I don’t celebrate birthdays, it’s about why you do, or shouldn’t. 

The first issue is how can you celebrate the day when you have no way of knowing you were born on that specific day. You just have to take everyone’s word for it. You could’ve been born three months earlier for all you know. How do you know you’re not celebrating it on the wrong day?

There’s also the small issue of the kind of child you are. There are three kinds of children in this world: the good, the bad and the adopted. 

You actually have no proof your parents are your parents.

And if you were adopted then it’s unlikely your birthday is real. 

The general idea behind birthdays is that you’re celebrating being a year older. 

Why are you celebrating getting older? In a few years, you’ll be weak and frail. Do you really want to celebrate the coming back pain?

You’re managing your back and still spend weeks planning a birthday. You’ll turn event decorator, MC — and in some cases, chef — and still be the birthday celebrant. It’s too much stress, in my not-so-humble opinion.

You’re simply one year closer to death. Why are you celebrating that?

To take a leaf out of my dead great-grandma’s playbook, witches and wizards abound, and celebrating your birthday simply reminds them you’re alive. The best way to avoid your village people is to go under the radar, yet you want to organise a concert for them to convene?

I’m not trying to be a party pooper. I just want to open your eyes to all possibilities. I still believe everyone should celebrate their birthdays anyway. If not for anything but because it’s another full year you’ve survived Nigeria.