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These Nigerians Talk About Their Parent’s Reaction to Them Not Wanting Kids

Your parents are always going to think they know what’s best for you, even if that includes you bringing a whole human being into the world. These seven Nigerians want no part in raising a child, and did one of the hardest things ever; resist their Nigerian parents. Here are the reactions they got.

“She asked if I plan to just be having sex.” – Rehia*, 29

I’ve never aligned with the idea of kids, I’ve just never been interested. My mum is a God-first, family-second kind of Christian. When I turned 26, she playfully brought up marriage.

I immediately cleared her so rubbish like that wouldn’t fester. She responded with something about God’s purpose for women and whether I plan just to be having sex. I made it very clear, there was no way I could be interested in men or kids, after watching the domestic violence in her marriage. She hasn’t mentioned marriage or kids since then.

“He’s sure I know what’s best for me. – Tomi*, 19

I was 17 when I told my dad, and it wasn’t a conversation per se. I just said, I’m not really interested in having kids, because they didn’t align with the goals I set for myself. He was like okay, we’ll see how that goes, but he’s sure I know the best thing for me. He probably thinks I was joking. I was not.

“She just said I was going to have a child, and that’s it.” – Chuks*, 24 

My mom was telling me how her friend’s daughter who is close to my age is expecting a second child and how she can’t wait for me to get married and start having children.

I told her that I don’t want children, she didn’t even ask me why , she just said that I didn’t know what I want, I was going to have a child and that’s that.

I’m her only son, so I understand where she is coming from, but it’s my decision to make.

I like being around kids, but if we’re honest, they’re a lot of work and hinder growth in many ways. Everybody talks about kids being a blessing, but nobody talks about them also being a burden.

Kids tend to upend lives, you could have a specific timeline to achieve a goal and then a kid comes along, and you have to rearrange the timeline and sometimes the goal, just to accommodate them.

I’m a very ambitious person, and I don’t want that in my life.

“She says I shouldn’t use my mouth to curse myself.” – Davina*, 19

I’ve always known I didn’t want kids. Not because I don’t love children or anything just because I never saw myself being a mother. In my mind, there are more disadvantages than advantages to having a child, and every advantage you can think of is selfish.

I haven’t told my dad yet, but I mentioned it to my mum one day as we were talking about my plans after school. She was talking about me moving abroad for my Masters and said if I got married and gave birth there, I’d become a citizen. I told her I didn’t mind getting married but giving birth is not something  I want to do. She shouted, “God forbid.” That I’ll carry my children, and I’ll have plenty children, then started praying. She says I’m still young,  and I shouldn’t use my mouth to curse myself.

“She called me Jezebel” – Lucy, 22

An aunt had just given birth, and my mom was having baby fever one day, then she goes “do and grow up and marry let me carry your child o” and I told her that even if I get married, which I also don’t want, I’m not having kids.

She reacted by calling me Jezebel for refusing to fulfill God’s word and we had an argument about it. I brought up the fact that many people were not capable of having kids, like her sister, and asked if that made them Jezebels too. 

She got defensive, but I was adamant. She hasn’t said a word since but she hopes my mind changes because I’m still ‘young’. I don’t think my mind’s ever going to change though. I’ve never had any sentiment towards kids or fantasized about having them. As I grew up, I became more aware of the responsibility and decided I wanted no part in it.

I think it’s the longevity , the fact that there’s no end to raising a child. There’s also the possibility of being a bad parent, or a deadbeat, and it scares me shitless.

“They still think I’m joking.” – Debo, 26

I told my parents when the subtle “We can’t wait to hold your children -our grandchildren” talk became not-so-subtle.

They still think I’m joking, but the world is already overpopulated, and looking at the general state of things , it seems unfair to bring another person into this world. I’d rather be the rich uncle.

“You’ll grow out of it.” – Daniel*, 35

I just don’t want children. The same way people decide they want kids, is the same way I’ve decided I don’t. There’s no rationale.

One day, I opened my mouth and told my parents I don’t want kids. I’m not scared of them and they’re not going to take care of my children for me, so they’ll be okay. When I told them they were like, “You’ll grow out of it.” But over the years, they’ve come to see that I haven’t grown out of it. They see that I don’t care for it. So they’ll be alright. 

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