As a single person, my brain isn’t clouded by love. I can think clearly, which is why I know all you relationship people are not okay. Because how do these 10 sayings make y’all fall in love?  

I’m stuck with you

You’ll never be stuck with me IJN. Please, when it’s not like we’re twins. If somebody richer than you comes around, we will become unstuck. Don’t worry. 

Your body is a temple, and I want to worship you

When there’s an RCCG branch one minute away from your house? Your priorities aren’t straight, I see. 

I can’t live without you

Please, try harder. How were you living before we met? Does your mother know you’re telling people things like this? Does Jesus know?

Eat for me

Or what? Will you faint? I don’t understand, do you live in my stomach? Answer me fast. 

Let me take care of you

I can take care of myself, please. Do I give broke vibes because why did you think it was okay to say that?

You’re the apple of my eye

I’ve never seen an apple inside any eye before o. Quite frankly, if you have an apple in your eye you should see an optician. 

I want to marry you

No Jide, you just met me. You don’t want to marry me, you just have mummy issues. 

I want to put a baby in you

This is a threat and should be reported to the nearest police. Where will you find the baby? Are you into kidnapping? Double arrest. 

I want to eat you work

Eh? Cannibalism? EFCC, INEC, NAFDAC, arrest this person, please. Maybe if you had actual work to do, you won’t be looking for work to eat. 

I love you 

 We don’t have proof yet, but love is a chemical imbalance of the brain. Somebody doesn’t text you for one second and you can’t eat? Is that one normal? Abeg, talk another thing. Have you tried finding a hobby? It gives the same dopamine , I promise.