1. The official starter pack:
2. Nigerian security guards and asking “who goes there?”
3. When they start using you to ‘show authority’ on top small gate.
4. When they ask you everything from your maiden name to your blood type before letting you in.
5. When they take forever to ask the most important question: “What is your name and who are you here to see?”
6. Those ones at supermarket exits that always want you to give them your change.
7. Nigerian security guards: “Reverse back” “Come small” “Cut your hand”.
8. When they hit you with their signature “happy weekend sah”.
9. When they wait for you to park and come out before saying “you no fit park here.”
Are you well?
10. The ones at the bank that expect you to give them out of the cash you just withdrew.
11. Their face, when they see an actual robber:
12. When it’s the middle of the night and you have to press your horn 10 times before they open your gate.
13. When they make you park outside and walk the rest of the way.
14. When they see you come there all the time but still act like they don’t know you.
15. Their favourite lies: “He no dey” and “She don commot”
16. How they look at you when you leave without dropping money:
17. Nigerian security guards at night be like:
