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1. Build a house big enough so you can torture more than one tenant at once.

2. And build the house wherever, even if it means the house will be under water when it rains.

3. Look for cheap building materials, you’re not living in the house.

4. Only do the barest minimum to make the house livable.

5. Make sure the block of flats you build has absolutely no parking space.

6. Just so that people will not abuse you, put light and water in the house.

7. Put the house on the market for twice its proper value.

8. Then ask for two years in advance plus damages.

9. When they negotiate and beg you, be ‘merciful’ and reduce the price a little.

10. When they ask you about the house and the area, be as vague as possible or just outrightly lie.

11. When they move in to the house, wish them success and good luck.

12. Be excited when you see them fixing up the house. Higher rent, baby!

13. If they come to complain to you about inheriting the former tenant’s bills.

14. When they’re fighting with their neighbours, see but don’t talk.

15. When something spoils in the house and they come to you.

16. After a year has passed, increase the rent without notice.

17. When they finally decide to move out, increase the price again and put it on the market.
