Surviving Nigeria requires you having a guy for everything from making clothes to getting into a club. To help all the “learners” out there, we have compiled the ultimate Nigerian “connects” survival kit.
1. A tailor to keep you looking “frosh”
You need someone to sew aso ebi for the party you want to crash with little or no notice.
2. A backup tailor in case your regular tailor is having brain touch
If your tailor does not have this kind of poster he/she doesn’t know the work oh!
3. A mechanic
Lagos roads will destroy your car for you and you need a mechanic that will only cheat you small because they fear God.
4. A cab guy
For when your mechanic said “3 days” but actually mean anytime between now and the end of days.
5. An electrician
For when Nepa decides to send too much light and blows all your electric appliances.
6. A hairdresser or barber
One that can help you “plait Alicia Keys” or “barb Obama” style.
7. A mallam
Because these banks and Bureau De Change people think they can use sense but you have a guy!
8. “Customers” in the market
To give you the best deals and discounts when there is tomato scarcity.
9. A DVD/download guy
To hook you up with the latest movies and episodes from your favourite series!
10. An NYSC guy
To “help” you serve your country in the most stress free manner possible.
11. A bouncer guy
So that you don’t disgrace yourself outside the club and can stroll in with confidence.
12. A police guy
In case you enter trouble he can sort out one or two things sharply!
