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Why Being the Single Friend Sucks  | Zikoko!
  • Why Being the Single Friend Sucks 

    It doesn’t matter if you recently returned to the streets, you’re taking a break from relationships to focus on yourself or you’re not just meeting the right people. 

    You can probably relate to this story if you’re a single friend

    Your friend just celebrated their first anniversary with bae 

    You remember all the times you’ve had to weigh in as relationship counsellor 

    You send them messages to show your excitement

    God when Pro-Max 

    Now you’re asking your friends when they’ll get married 

    Because you want to wear aso ebi and eat party jollof. 

    But they counter it with, “when will you sef find a partner?” 

    It’s giving Nigerian nosey aunty, TBH. 

    Then they try to match you with someone 

    There’s no harm in trying, right?

    So they start sharing your number and social media handles 

    It starts with their partner’s friend, then their coworker. Next thing, it’s someone who’d previously hit on them. 

    As long as the person is good-looking, you don’t mind 

    Ah yes, they’re very fine. But do they have sense? 

    Soon after, you already know it won’t work

    If they’re not saying “am cool” or trying to “have you eaten” you to death, they’re telling you how they want you people to be eating each other’s work.

    You’re now worried about the kind of people your friend knows 

    And why they even thought it was a good match.

    You conclude your friends hate you

    And you’ve decided to stop indulging in their amateur match-making. 

    But they won’t stop sending you posts about single people 

    Will you rest, in Jesus’ name?

    Or doing yimu at your “God-when” comments 

    Delete this immediately. 

    It’s clear to them that you’re a clown 

    You’re one with the streets. 

    Still, whenever you post a cute picture of you with someone 

    Anyone where you’re both smiling

    They rush to the DM to ask if the Lord has finally done it 

    Done wot?

    They think you’re choosing to stay on the streets because ashawo is in your eye 

    Which might be true

    But they don’t know the dating pool is murky these days 

    Everybody on the street is either wicked, planning to japa or married.

    You’re actually ready for a relationship 

    You just need to find someone worth it

    But you don’t know how many talking stages you have left in you 

    Your helper is the only person you want to tell more about yourself.

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