Sure, we’ve all had different lives — that’s the human experience — but as Nigerians growing up in Nigeria, some experiences were damn near universal. Experiences that could be summed up in the following lines.
WARNING: The lines below could potentially give you flashbacks to the nerve-wracking days of your childhood, not unlike the time Xavier mentally transported Magneto back to his childhood as a Jewish prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp because Magneto was kicking his ass.
In other words, strap in. It’s going to be a wild ride.
1) “Finish your food quick. Your lesson teacher is here.”
2) “We’re going to the hospital to take injection.”
3) “Go and bring your result. Let me see.”
4) “If your note is not complete, come outside.”
5) Your name on the list of noisemakers x38
6) “Rats will eat you alive if you don’t clean your room.”
7) “If I go and look for it and find it there, what should I do to you?”
8) “Eat the food I’ve made or go to sleep hungry.”
9) “Go and wear your slippers and meet me outside.”
10) “I’ll deal with you when I get home.”
11) “You’re resuming boarding school next week.”
12) “It’s time for our weekly movie viewing of Agbara Nla.”
13) “If you don’t go to church, you’ll be left behind when the rapture happens.”
14) Did I not ask you to take the meat out from the freezer?!”
15) “Bring the money. Let me keep it for you.”
