It has now officially been a few days since this video surfaced, letting us know that Dangote, like most regular people, needs the reassurance of $10 million in cash sometimes, to get a good night’s rest.

Coincidentally, it has also been a few days since I began deep research into the possibilities of a grown-ass woman like myself,  currently staring her late 20s in the face — being involuntary adopted by a billionaire Nigerian.

So far, I’ve been able to find only one plausible scheme for my adoption goal, courtesy my new hero and the current troll King of my heart – Stanley Thornton.

But since this scheme is as likely to hold up as that Dino Melaye’s stuck in a tree for 11 hours story, I will continue to put in work for myself and the doubtless hundreds of people looking to follow in my footsteps.

Now, why a young gal like myself and other upwardly mobile Nigerians would be interested in calling Africa’s richest man ‘Father’,  is a question literally no one should be asking in these trying times, but I’ll provide a couple of answers regardless:

1. He’s worth 10 BILLION Dollars.

Even though a lot of our finest politicians might look at this figure with this face on —

Dangote’s money is largely legal, and us — his adopted little ones won’t have to live in fear that EFCC will break down our doors one unsuspecting night.

2. He doesn’t think in Naira.

If that doesn’t make you want to jump in a pram and park in front of Dangote’s house, with a handwritten adoption note addressed to him, I don’t know what will.

3. He teaches important life lessons.

Like humility. Choosing to drive yourself home, as opposed to ruining your driver’s year and whole life, after deciding to personally withdraw $10 million in cash from your preferred bank of the moment, and taking it home, is definitely a lesson I’d love to be taught personally by Dan-G himself.

4. Re: life lessons.

He also teaches the importance of travelling light. Like say, not burdening your pockets with any cash, when your face can open just about any bank safe in the world.

5. He’s Dangote.

That is an explanation all in itself.   That is all.