While the Coronavirus is being contained, it is our literal duty to sit in and enjoy the Jones we pay rent in and outrightly own, to prevent the spread of the virus.

For a lot of people, that’s a little difficult to compute, they think we should be partying, catching up with friends, hanging out. To those people we say:

In case that isn’t strong enough, we’ve summoned the collective powers of the Pete Edochie, Chiwetel Agu and Nollywood’s most dastardly crew to bring perfect proverbial responses to any “come to my house, let’s hang out” invitations while the lockdown is in place:

A fowl that is disobedient learns obedience in the cooking pot.

Or in the hands of Nigerian soldiers in desperate need of empathy training.

Turtles carry their houses on their backs out of the plain fear of tomorrow

i.e me wey dey house, I know wetin I dey find there

Today’s newspaper becomes a trash wrap for tomorrow

Meaning, today’s rocks become a yesterday’s Insta story. But after 14 days Covid-19 may know what’s up.

He who will swallow the udala seed must not consider the size of his stomach

No go dey do pass yourself

The fly that has no one to advise him, follows a corpse to the grave

*send tweet*

When a handshake passes the elbow, it becomes another thing

That is to say, it’s not me that will join you on a suicide mission

The man who belittled the sickness a monkey suffered must ask to see the eyes which his nurse got from blowing the sick free

If you want to go really deep

When death wants to take a little dog, it prevents him from perceiving even the smell of excrement

Again, if you want to go really deep.